A Bluebird’s Song

~~~
I heard your heart beating
You were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness
With you
~~~

On days like this, you could see the wind. The pleasant blue-skied sunshine had gone, replaced with sharp gusts of cold air that flung swirling stacks of leaves down Ponyville high street. Most ponies were indoors on a day like this.

“Ya know, I’m starting to think this wasn’t a good idea,” Rainbow Dash called out, vainly trying to hold the rebellious purple-and-gold mass against the ground.

“Keep it from blowing away, we’re nearly there!” Twilight shouted back, her horn flaring. “We got the basket over without this much difficulty!”

The two ponies were struggling valiantly against the deflated hot air balloon, trying to transport it across town from the cellar of Sugarcube Corner where Twilight stored it. The excursion to Cloudsdale was setting off the next day, and they needed to get the balloon into the library so that they could check its condition. It had been in storage for the best part of three months, and would doubtless need some patching up. It was taking all of Twilight’s magic, and all of Dash’s strength to keep the giant canvas pocket from blowing away. A shimmering purple aura enwrapped the envelope, pulling it forwards over the cobbles.

“Twi’,” called Dash over the scraping of canvas on stone and the howling of the wind. “Do ya think I’ll be able to get it on Saturday?”

This was hardly a good time, but the worry had been preying on her mind for these last couple of days. In her daily training sessions she was getting progressively faster, easily beating Lightning Flare, but had not yet managed to breach her target of twice the speed of sound. The sheer pressure of air had, time and time again, forced her back. She was getting more used to the conditions up there, but the wind was brutal, and she knew that if she allowed it to force her off-course she would be seriously injured.

“I know you’ll do your best,” replied Twilight, her voice strained with the effort of keeping up the magical field around the balloon. “That’s what matters. I’ve got faith in you, but if you don’t manage it nopony’s going to think any the less of you!”

“I just need to beat the wind.” Dash dived to one side to grab a stray rope that had come loose from the main body of canvas. “If only ponies were more streamlined!”

Twilight pointed ahead of them, excitedly. “I see the library, we’re nearly there.”

“Finally!” exclaimed Dash, hovering a few inches above the purple canvas, ready to pounce on it if it made another bid for freedom. “I swear this thing’s alive…”

“Spike!” yelled Twilight, as they approached the library across the cobbled square. She was not sure if the diminutive dragon heard her, or if he simply saw the mass of canvas approaching from the window. Either way, nevertheless, the door to the library swung open a few moments later.

With a supreme effort of will, Twilight dragged the balloon the last few metres to the door.

“Shh, I need to concentrate on folding this thing up,” replied Twilight, closing her eyes and trying to block out the sound of the howling wind.

Slowly, the magic field around the balloon seemed to compress, first flattening it, and then rolling it over several times, coiling it up so that it would fit through the door. With one final push, she slid the roll inside the library, and released it with a sigh of relief.

“Not bad,” remarked Dash, landing beside her with a wink. Both ponies entered the library, gratefully closing the door behind them.

Spike was suspiciously inspecting the balloon envelope, which had sprung out of shape and was now taking up most of the floor space. The basket and burner were protruding from the kitchen. “This isn’t gonna be in here for long, is it?”

“It’ll be gone by tomorrow,” Twilight reassured him. “We’d normally keep it outside, but the wind’s too strong.”

“This thing’ll need some patching up before we can fly in it,” noted Dash. “Can’t you just ask the Princess to send one of her chariots?”

Twilight looked a little guilty. “Well, I probably could, but I don’t want to bother her at the moment. I feel like the mess with Sunset is mostly because of my research… She’s done a lot for me lately, I don’t want to seem pushy. Besides,” she gestured to the balloon, “a couple of patches and it’ll be completely airworthy.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? All the Princess would have to do is tell somepony in the guards to send a carriage over. It’d take her about ten seconds.”

“She was the one who got us the Cloudiseum in the first place,” Twilight reminded him, sternly. “It would’ve been far more tricky to get that place without her help. Besides, we can manage perfectly well. We got to the young flyer’s contest in the balloon, didn’t we?”

“I wouldn’t know, that thing makes me airsick,” muttered Spike, turning a little green at the thought of flight. He beckoned the pegasus over, interestedly. “How’s the training going? I heard the Rainboom from here today.”

“Had to fly higher than normal to get above these winds,” Dash replied. “I can’t quite get to twice the speed of sound, but I’m close enough that I should be in with a chance on the day.”

Twilight had unrolled the balloon, and was running a critical eye over it, checking for holes or other damage. “Wow, the mice have been pretty busy,” she muttered, inspecting a series of small rips that peppered the left side. All in all, there was nothing that could not be repaired by the next day with a little effort.

“Do we need Rarity to come over?” Dash enquired, trotting up beside Twilight and looking down at the canvas envelope.

“No, I think I can sort this myself,” replied Twilight, pensively. “It shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Okay, but don’t expect me to be any use if you need help,” Dash chuckled.

“That’s an understatement.” Dash rolled her eyes. “I’d probably end up setting it on fire or something.”

“Can you check the burner, then?” asked Twilight, smirking. “That’s probably more your area.”

“Actually, I might be some good at that.” Dash glanced appraisingly at the sturdy metal device leaning against the kitchen door. “We use that kinda thing in the weather team for setting up convection currents.”

The pegasus trotted cheerfully across the room to inspect the burner, while Twilight continued checking the envelope.

Behind them, there was a hiccupping sound, followed by a sharp and familiar roar of flame. Both ponies jumped, turning on the spot to see Spike projecting a tongue of green fire a few feet into the air in front of him. A scroll materialized in the centre of the blaze, which the young dragon caught deftly in his claw. Breaking the seal, he flicked open the scroll, and cast his eyes over it. His face fell.

Twilight felt her heart sink horribly in her chest. “Bad news, Spike?” she enquired, tentatively.

Spike walked over to pass her the scroll. “I think it might be,” he said, his voice subdued.

Twilight took the scroll, grasping it gently with her magic, and reading it with a distinct fearful lump in her throat. It was more a note than a letter, concise and almost sharp in its tone.

My Dear Student,

I am writing to you to ask if I may visit you again.
Serious developments have arisen, regarding Sunset.
I must speak to both yourself and Rainbow Dash.
Please respond as soon as possible.

My best wishes,
Princess Celestia.

“Sunset? They’re locked up, what could have happened?” Her voice was low and a little frightened.

Twilight said nothing; she had no adequate answers. There was only one pony who knew what was going on at this moment. With a bitter sense of resignation to whatever fate had decided to hurl in their direction this time, she reached for a quill.

Twilight and Dash were not the only ponies who had to battle their way through the winds that day. If you were brave or foolish enough to be outside on the eastern side of town, you might have caught sight of a canary-yellow pegasus pushing through the whirls of leaves and twigs, her face shielded by a raised wing.

She had agreed to meet Rarity at the spa today, and she was determined to do so no matter what the elements threw at her.

If she was honest with herself, she did not want the record attempt excursion to be the first she saw of Rarity after their conversation a few days ago. The conversation that had dominated her thoughts ever since it had happened. In that time, Fluttershy had realized something about herself. Whenever she imagined herself in a relationship with somepony, any semblance of romantic attraction was utterly flooded out by the wave of crippling embarrassment that accompanied it. Whilst she did not feel as if she returned Rarity’s feelings, she could not imagine returning anypony’s feelings, simply because whatever she felt in reality was so badly obscured by her own natural shyness.

When it came to mares, this embarrassment was doubly powerful, given the multitude of taunts that were thrown her way in Flight School by the other pegasi regarding her and Dash.

Of course that was what you talked about, you were afraid. You were afraid that your best friend might develop feelings for you, and make everything so complicated. Even her. You couldn't even trust her entirely. But be honest, did you never catch yourself looking at the fillies in your class from time to time?

I didn’t 'look' at anypony in that way! I was too shy! Even that colt I gave a flower to… He was nice to me. One of the only ones. I wanted to thank him, but I was too afraid.

It had been more a gesture of appreciation than affection, if she was truthful with herself. However, there was one memory she still kept close to her chest, afraid to look at too closely for fear of what she might find within it. One memory.

Fluttershy realized that she was blushing furiously, as she battled her way against the wind. She was profoundly thankful that she was alone in the street. In her preoccupation, she realized that she had walked right past the spa. The building was some fifty feet behind her, so she turned and headed back, relieved to escape the biting wind and the cold solitude, with nothing but her thoughts for company.

The bell chimed as she entered the spa, shaking herself off to realign the feathers that had been blown out of place. Aloe was manning the desk, and she looked up as Fluttershy entered. Rarity had not yet arrived, and Fluttershy was apparently the only customer in the spa.

“Ah, Miss Flootershy,” Aloe greeted her jovially in that airy accent that Fluttershy had never quite been able to place. “Please, take a seat while you wait for your friend. I must say, I deed not expect you today, given zee weather.”

“I… I didn’t want to disappoint Rarity,” replied Fluttershy, sitting down on one of the velvet chairs in the reception area.

“Ah, of course,” Aloe waved a hoof, airily, returning to the magazine she was reading.

Fluttershy shook her head, sharply, to dislodge the insidious memory, but it clung on regardless.

Nasty, bullying, beautiful Ivy…

The face of the filly that had stolen Dash’s locket swam, luminous and mocking before her eyes.

The feel of holding her, almost sensual, then the tremor of the first kick... There was something beautiful about her fear, because of the way she betrayed you.

You’d fallen for her, Fluttershy. Admit it to yourself, even if you can’t admit it to anypony else. By hurting Dash, she hurt you too. You’d never spoken to her, you’d scarcely made eye contact with her…

But there was something about her, something in the way she walked, the way she could wrap ponies around her hoof with such ease. I hoped I could respect her.

Then… she proved to you that she was just like all the rest. You suspected she was a bully, but then she proved it to you. She broke your heart. You broke her jaw. A fair exchange?

“No…” Fluttershy whispered. She realized that she was rocking nervously back and forth on the chair, her eyes full of tears. She was extremely glad that Aloe was still buried in her magazine and had apparently noticed nothing. She roughly dabbed at her eyes with her foreleg, her cheeks flushing red. She had told Rarity, Dash, even herself that she had never felt romantic attraction to a mare before. She could finally admit to herself that she had lied.

The question is, a small voice in the back of her mind spoke up, unbidden, where does that leave you with Rarity?

It makes no sense to ask that like it’s meaningful. I’ve liked mares in the past, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go after Rarity just because she’s a mare, that would be ridiculous.

You’ve never ‘gone after’ anypony as long as you’ve lived. Ever since Flight School you haven’t even been able to tell if you like somepony or not, you’ve shielded yourself so much. Maybe romance isn’t something that happens immediately, especially for a pony like you. Maybe it’s something you need to work at, to build, to experiment with.

I’m not using Rarity as an… an ‘experiment’. It’d be cruel and pointless, and she’d feel so betrayed when she realized. And she would realize, I don’t doubt that for a moment.

Well, then. You’ve got to make a decision, Fluttershy. You might feel as if you have all the time in the world, but sometimes the world gets ideas of its own…

The pegasus was jerked unceremoniously out of her reverie by the ringing of the bell above the door. She jumped slightly, and looked around to see a thoroughly windswept Rarity entering the spa. The unicorn’s eyes visibly lit up a little when she saw Fluttershy, and she smiled warmly at her friend. “Fluttershy! I’m so glad you could make it, this weather is simply dreadful.”

“I know what you mean,” agreed Fluttershy. “I was nearly blown down the road on the way here.”

“No, don’t worry,” Fluttershy said. “With the Cloudsdale trip coming up, we might not have any chance at all next week.”

Rarity laughed. “Yes, if Pinkie’s celebratory parties live up to their usual standards, I wouldn’t put it past her to take up most of the week.” It seemed to Fluttershy that Rarity was a little nervous, almost as if she was doing her best to be just as she always was, despite the strange awareness that they were, in all likelihood, both thinking of what had transpired the last time they had been together.

“Ah, now zat you are both ‘ere, we can make a start,” said Aloe, stepping out from behind the counter and smiling at the two slightly disheveled ponies.

“Sounds good to me,” the pegasus replied, inwardly relieved that there was only token awkwardness between herself and Rarity. She reflected that it could have been a lot worse.

“…Then, it turned out he was a goat the whole time!” Rarity, barely visible through the steam room’s foggy atmosphere, concluded her anecdote with a flourish that, sadly, went unseen.

Fluttershy burst out laughing. She had no idea where Rarity got these stories from, and privately suspected that she made half of them up, but nonetheless they were greatly enjoyable.

In the silence that followed, Fluttershy thought she heard Rarity sigh, a little sadly.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Rarity’s voice was cheerful, but the slight pause before her response was enough to cast doubt on the truth of her words.

They sat for a few moments in the obscuring steam, neither of them speaking. “I wanted to apologize,” Rarity blurted out suddenly, as if the words were against her own better judgement. “I wanted to say sorry for my behaviour the other day. I realize you’re probably not comfortable with me anymore, and I don’t want you to have to pretend for my sake. It was selfish and cowardly of me to burden you in that way, on top of everything else you’ve been through lately.”

Fluttershy’s heart sank. It saddened her to think that Rarity was beating herself up in this way. “Rarity,” she began, quietly, “you were honest with me, and I’m so grateful to you for that. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, I think you were really brave, actually.”

She reflected to herself that the steam was useful. It allowed them to speak candidly to one another without the added embarrassment of eye contact.

“Well, I… Thankyou, Fluttershy,” replied Rarity, her voice barely a whisper. “Can you promise me that you’re not just pretending to be comfortable around me?”

“Of course I can,” Fluttershy exclaimed, her voice rising almost to an ordinary speaking pitch. “You’re one of my best friends, and it’s going to take a lot more than this to stop me from thinking that.” She paused for a moment, mentally replaying Rarity’s words in her head. “Hold on, what did you mean when you mentioned ‘everything else I’ve been through lately’?”

“Oh… nothing, nothing at all, I was just speaking off the top of my head,” replied Rarity, far too quickly.

Fluttershy shook her head. “It’s okay, Rarity. I know how gossip travels in this town.”

When Rarity next spoke, her voice was choked. “I’ve just been so… so worried about you. I heard something had happened to you, but Spike wouldn’t tell me any more. He said it would put me in danger if I knew.”

“It’s all in the past now,” Fluttershy said, smiling reassuring at Rarity through the steam, remembering with relief the news that Sunset had been rounded up and were no longer a threat. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. You deserve to know what happened, and it won’t put you at any risk.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I never realized you knew anything had gone on. I never meant to worry you.” Her voice grew a little in strength. “But Spike was right. I couldn’t have slept at night knowing I’d put you in danger without good reason.”

The steam had thinned a little, and Fluttershy could see Rarity’s shining eyes clearly again. They told her what she had already realized; that the unicorn would have taken that risk a hundred times over, given the choice, to have been able to help Fluttershy through whatever had been troubling her. Rarity deserved her honesty. Taking a deep breath, Fluttershy began her story.

By the time she had finished speaking, they had vacated the steam room and had moved onto the mud bath.

“…Then, we got the news a few days ago that the leaders were rounded up by the guards. They’re being held in Canterlot right now, and hopefully that’s the end of it.”

Rarity’s expression had varied throughout Fluttershy’s story, transitioning gradually from horror at the invasion of Fluttershy’s home, to anger at the perpetrators. “How dare they?” she exclaimed, her voice throaty with indignation. “And as for that one that attacked you, I’m glad Celestia snapped his horn!” She had winced quite badly at the part of the story, unable to help feeling some level of empathy for another unicorn in such a situation, despite everything he had done.

“It’s alright,” Fluttershy said, gently. “As I say, they’re no threat to anypony now.”

“They’re lucky they’re safely in Canterlot,” growled Rarity. “I might have a few words to say to them otherwise.”

“You wouldn’t want to get near them,” Fluttershy reminded her. “They were pretty good with their magic, I’ve got to admit it.”

“No wonder Spike seemed different…” Rarity muttered, thoughtfully. “The last few times I’ve seen him, he seemed more… grown up. Something in his eyes.”

Fluttershy nodded. “I can imagine. He’s only young, and it’d be a horrible thing to happen to anypony. I hope he’s alright.”

“Oh, he seemed okay, actually,” replied Rarity. She shook her head, her anger resurfacing again. “I wish I’d known, I’d have hunted them down myself…”

Fluttershy’s cheeks coloured a little, as she realized that this was an appropriate juncture to pose a question that had been burning in her mind for some time. “Rarity, have you ever hurt somepony?”

Rarity seemed a little taken aback by the question. “Well, I accidentally dropped the base of that sewing machine on Sweetie Belle’s hoof that one time. I felt simply dreadful about it, but at least it didn’t do any lasting damage.”

“No, I mean deliberately. You know, for… for revenge.” Fluttershy’s voice was virtually inaudible as she spoke the last word.

“My dear, why would you ask such a thing?” Rarity seemed more than a little confused.

“Never mind, I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter,” mumbled Fluttershy, awkwardly.

Rarity sighed. “No, I don’t mind. I was just surprised, that's all… I did once,” she admitted, a little shamefacedly, shifting in the mud bath with a squelching sound. “It was a few years ago now, just after Sweetie Belle was born. I’d just left school and was looking to start making dresses professionally. It was a bit of a stressful time for me, my parents were working in those days, and needed me to look after Sweetie Belle a lot. I was walking through the market one day, with Sweetie in her pram, and a haughty-looking mare accosted me in the street. She assumed that I was the mother, and began telling me off in a loud voice. She said that she could tell I was ‘that sort’ of pony from a mile away, and if only fillies my age could keep their hind legs together, then maybe we’d be better prepared for the kind of responsibility that comes with being a parent.”

Fluttershy gasped, covering her mouth with a hoof and blushing. “How horrible of her,” she exclaimed, “what right did she have to do that?”

“None whatsoever, and I would dearly love to say I told her so, but I was so taken aback that I let her walk away without a word.” Rarity broke eye contact with Fluttershy, looking away awkwardly. “I’m afraid I saw red. It had been a difficult time, and to add insult to injury my responsibilities of dress-making and looking after Sweetie Belle meant that I hadn’t been within sniffing distance of a colt for months. To my eternal shame, I chased after her and bucked her from behind. She went reeling into one of the market stalls and hit her head on the wooden support. As you can imagine, the moment I came to my senses I retrieved Sweetie Belle and made myself scarce.” She closed her eyes at the embarrassing memory. “I’m not proud of it, it was most unladylike of me, and I don’t normally consider myself vengeful. But it’s a funny thing, at the time I almost enjoyed it. I felt… vindicated, somehow.”

Fluttershy felt a strange sense of relief upon hearing those words. They were familiar to her, the sensation almost akin to déjà vu. It was a weight off her mind to know that perhaps she was not abnormal. Perhaps she simply had to accept that nopony was perfect, and that she was not in some way sick in the head, as she had in her darker moments suspected.

She smiled nervously at Rarity, and leaned across the narrow tiled gap to give her a somewhat muddy hug. “Thanks for telling me about that, Rarity,” she said, sincerely.

In that moment, she realized that it was Rarity’s simple presence, as much as her words, that had helped her to get her thoughts in order. Being with the unicorn helped her see herself with a different perspective. She felt as if she could accept herself, flaws and all, when she was with Rarity. So many times through the course of their friendship, it had been Rarity who had been there for her, who had picked her up without even knowing it in her moments of depression or weakness. With the exception of Dash, she would have found it impossible to tell her story to anypony other than Rarity. She was as close to Fluttershy as Dash was, even without the bond of shared experience. There was a trust there that Fluttershy had never been able to cultivate deliberately, instead winding its way into her almost without her awareness.

Dash’s words echoed in the back of Fluttershy’s mind. They may have referred to Twilight when they were spoken, but Fluttershy now felt that they were just as relevant to her. She broke away from the mare opposite with a muddy squelch, and lay back, breathing the warm, lightly-scented air in thoughtful contentment. Rarity smiled warmly at her, a little lost in the moment, despite herself. Fluttershy closed her eyes, aware that a conclusion was finally forming in her head.

You’ll always be afraid of the unknown if you never make a move to explore it.

I’m not sure if I want to take that risk… The doubtful side of her mind sounded weakened, its words felt like circular rhetoric. It felt tired of resisting change for the sake of hoping that things might stay the same. She had denied herself for so long that she could scarcely recognize her own desires anymore. Today, she had finally changed that. Fluttershy did not yet know what she was going to do, but as she looked at the unicorn lying beside her, the unicorn who had so often healed her without even realizing it, she knew at last what she wanted.

A Bluebird's Song

by Ardensfax

Poison Ivy