MICHAEL: THE EXTENSIVE FANFICTION

by MICHAEL

CHAPTER 1: THE FIRST CHAPTER

Rainbow Dash leant against the derelict house and chipped some of the peeling off-white paint from the wall. She watched impatiently as Pinkie Pie aimed down her scope. The wind was blowing lightly and whistled as it passed through the cracked guttering. “Take it.” The rainbow maned pony said. “Wait.” Pinkie Pie was nothing like her usual self, she was calm. Quiet. Collected. “Pinkie, take it!.” Dash growled. “Wait.” “PINKIE!” “Goodbye.” The pink pony smirked as she took the shot. It was silent. Three hundred yards away, the bullet penetrated the chest of an Ultranationlist soldier, who fell over the edge of the bridge and into the river below. “I never miss my target, silly.” She slung her M82 onto her back and turned to Rainbow Dash. “Now we have to get to the rendezvous point!” They both prepared to cross the rotten, moss covered bridge. Dash placed her hoof on the bridge, and it exploded. The two ponies were thrown backwards in a slow motion action scene. “What're you two doing?” Twilight asked, after just appearing from a hole in the ground dressed as a Diglett. “Wwweee'rrreee ffflllyyyiiinnnggg bbbaaaccckkkwwwaaarrrdddsss iiinnn ssslllooowww mmmoootttiiiooonnn!” Rainbow Dash replied, still flying backwards in slow motion, as she had just stated. “Well stop it.” Twilight frowned, her eyebrows getting so low down they became a moustache. “Oki Doki Loki!” Pinkie responded, and time sped up.

After about half an hour, in the year 2027, Pinkie decided to call it a day and went to bed. Twilight decided it was best that she returned universal balance to the universe, and arrived in the library just in time for lunch in 2048. “Spike! Fetch me a book that will help me fix time!” Twilight shouted at the skeleton of her assistant, who had spent the last few years drinking bleach. “Oh...” Twilight grabbed a book from a nearby shelf. “Ventriloquism for Dummies. This'll do.” She said to herself. She picked up Spike's skeleton with her magic. “Sure Twilight, I'll get you any book you want, because I'm your slave and you can use me for anything and I won't even call social services.” Twilight said in a squeaky voice out of the side of her mouth. “Oh, Spike, you're so sweet.” She hovered Spike towards the bookshelf. He impacted with it, and his head fell off. Twilight gave up and went and got the book she wanted by herself. She flicked through it until she found the page with the spell she was after “Universal Universe Fixing Spell – A universal fix for any problem your universe may need fixing.” Twilight performed the spell. There was a blinding light and then time reverted to normal and Spike was no longer dead. He was, however, in a coma. “Something doesn't feel quite right...” Twilight lifted her hoof to her chin, and went crashing into the wall. It was at the point she realised the universe was now sideways. Just then a strange glowing white door appeared in the centre of the library. Twilight stared as the door opened. A strange creature came out. “Now THIS is a universe fit for a Ken.” The creature said. “What are you?” Twilight asked. “I am a Ken Block.” The Ken Block began to run in circles around the library on its hind legs, tilting its body slightly. “DRIFTING!” It shrieked as it ran.

Twenty minutes later, and half of the population of Ponyville were stood in the library watching the Ken Block. “What's it doing?” Colgate asked Derpy. “Drifting.” The pegasus replied in a deep voice, both eyes looking straight at the unicorn. “Uhh, I mean... Uhh... Muffin.” She corrected herself, voice and eyes returned to their 'normal' state. The Ken Block suddenly veered of its path and ran into the crowd of ponies. “MULTI PONY DRIFTING!” It shouted picking bundles of ponies up and launching them into the air. Then it ran out of the door to the library, and into the sun light, where it began to melt and became a pool of Monster Energy Drink.

Rarity had just finished her sixth dress for that day, she then turned around and saw Sweetie Belle standing, staring, staring forever into space. And then she was Scootaloo. And that is how Scootastare was born. Rarity was more than confused at the current situation, she just watched the chicken stand there and stare. Stare in ALL the directions. At that moment the front door of Carousel Boutique opened to reveal Pinkie stood there with a worried look on her face.

“Rarity, I need your help, now!”

“What’s wrong dearie?” Replied Rarity.

“Its Fluttershy, she has turned into a tree!” Pinkie gasped. Then Pinkie turned tail and galloped toward Fluttershy.

When Rarity and Pinkie arrived at the scene, Fluttershy was not a tree, but was totally motionless.

“Fluttershy, what are you doing”

“Shh Rarity, I am a jeep” Replied Fluttershy. “I am trying to start my engine.”

Pinkie trotted up to Fluttershy with two jump leads attached to Scootaloo, who was also a jeep, beep beep, to give Fluttershy a jump start. “ANVILS!” screamed Bon-Bon, who was not present at the time.

After a successful jump-start, Fluttershy was purring nicely, and they all drove off into the sunset, which was magnificent. The town clock struck 9:00am.

After about an hours drive, Fluttershy ran out of gas. Pinkie and Twilight, who just appeared for no reason, used the forces of the 9 elements of the periodic table to produce some petrol. They turned back to fill up but they forgot the handbrake and Fluttershy was rolling back toward Ponyville. Her speedometer reached 88mph and she exploded twice in succession. Luckily Scootaloo the mechanic(al chicken) was near by and fixed her up in a flash. When the mane 6 arrived, the looked at scootaloo, who just stared and stared and stared and stared then then they all turned into burritos. Except Rarity, she was already a marshmallow.

Derpy had just come back from the future and was confused about the date so she asked a flouriest to explain what it was. The flouriest was none other than Chief Prickly Peppermint, you don’t know who he is but he is very important so just play along ok. Derpy was then shipped with him... to china. But that’s irrelevant.

The mouse was called Jerry and the pony was also called Jerry and together they were happy as a pony and a mouse of the same name. Uncle Dave popped by to give his regards to the kitchen sink and drove off in his very own Fluttershy. Speeeding down the highway Flutterhsy was exceeding 60 in a 40 zone, so they sped up to slow down. Uncle Dave then turned into a sink.

Meanwhile, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were crossing the bridge of doom towards the castle of ARGH. Applebloom luckily knew more about swallows than the bridge keeper who is now dead. Isn’t that sad, she killed a pony. Anyway, they continued toward the castle, passing some ice cream shops along the way. Scootaloo was then an icecream. The other two had to continue without her. When they reached the castle they were about a mile away and only needed to cross 30 metres of water to get there. The boat was old and Applebloom said ‘This boat looks old”. They crossed the water but hoof and tied the boat to the shoreline on the other side of the lake. The castle was big, big enough that a pony could eat it in about 50,000 bites. Anyway, the CMC-without-scootaloo knocked on the door, got on the floor and then proceeded to walk the dinosaur.

MEANWHILE

Fluttershy was entering Princess Celestia’s castle with Philomena in a cage, motionless.

“Excuse me, but I wish to complain about this Phoenix that purchased not an hour ago from this very castle”

“Whats wrong with it?” asked Celestia

“I’ll tell you whats wrong with it, its stone dead”

“No it isn’t!”

“Listen too me, when I purchased this bird you told me its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk”

And then Philomena was Scootaloo

MEANWHILE

Dr Whoof exited his TARDIS, then got back in.

MEANWHILE

Pinkie eyed the cupcake and grinned, she then trotted forward to eat the pastry. The cupcake moved with her, she galloped, still the cupcake was out of reach. Pinkie was now going at quite a pace, and accelerating fast. Rainbow Dash saw that Pinkie was now going at high speed, a far higher speed than Rainbow Dash had ever seen a pony on hoof go. Rainbow inched sideways to avoid the collision but was stopped by The Doc.

“Don’t move, if my calculations are correct, when this Pony hits 88mph, you’re about to see some serious manure”

The Horse-shoe started to glow blue. A similar strange blue glow surrounded Pinkie as she raced toward Rainbow Dash. Rainbow stood her ground and prepared for the collision.
The Doc waited, ‘It should happen now’ he thought ‘It should be happening any second now, this very sec...’
The thought was not completed, but instead was engulfed by a mind-numbing experience.
Pinkie was suddenly swallowed up by a blinding blue glow. For a split second the silhouette of Pinkie could be seen shrouded in a blue light aurora. A candy flavoured shock-wave hit the Doc and Dash just as Pinkie disappeared leaving flaming hoof-prints in her wake. An object was spinning on the floor, it was the cupcake. That cupcake was all that remained of Rainbow’s friend.

Rainbow Dash turned in shock to The Doc and stated in disbelief “You’ve disintegrated Pinkie!”

“No I havn’t” was the only reply from The Doc in a steady voice. “She is fine, Pinkie Pie is fine, she has just become the world’s first time traveler.

Dr Whoof came back again and got out of his TARDIS and yelled “Bitch, please!”

Rainbow Dash awoke from her dream to find herself in a strange, new environment. It was as if she was lying on a cloud fifty feet in the air, above a tranquil town, in a land where friendship was magic. The sun was shining brightly, and it filled her with a warm feeling. But it was a strange warm feeling. She felt different. She looked down at herself to see that she was blue and she had hooves. She jumped up, startled by what had happened to her, and fell off the cloud she had been lying on. But she wasn't falling. She was hovering, using her wings. The wings she just realised she had. Which startled her again, and she started falling once more. Conveniently, she landed in a shop the specialised in quills and sofas. Inconveniently, she fell landed in the quills section and got covered in ink. She galloped outside and ran straight into her friend Twilight, knocking them both off their hooves. “Rainbow Dash! What's wrong?” Twilight asked, concerned. “It's horrible!” Rainbow Dash wailed. “I'm a pony!” “Oh my... You are...” Twilight looked down at herself. “I am too!” She screamed. The town of Ponyville was filled with panic, as all the ponies realised that they were ponies.