Discord Writes a Ship Fic

by Phoenix Quill

A Special Kind of Cupcake

Picture a scene of darkness, a new moon leaving no glow upon the night of Equestria. The time, midnight. The place, Sugar Cube Corner. Deep within this business, Mister and Misses Cake slept soundly in their bed, while their foals, Pound, and Pumpkin Cake, dreamed sights that only infants could envision.

One pony did not sleep however. Past the kitchen, behind the refrigerator, a secret doorway stood. Behind the doorway and down some steps, Pinkie Pie sat in a darkened cellar. Her elbows rested on the table before her and her hooves tapped each other before the scowl on her face. "You have eluded me for years, but now I find that your time is up."

She stood and walked around the table she operated on with her ever deepening frown. "You thought that you were special, that I would have never used you for this. But you are wrong."

"No, Pinkie Pie! Show mercy!"

Pinkie turned to the table and glared at the unfortunate subject. "Mercy? Did you show mercy to me when you sent your comrades into battle? Did you show mercy before you slaughtered your own friends to save your own skin?" She came back to the table and slammed her hoof against it, right next to her victim's head. "I don't think so."

She then picked up the gingerbread pony from the table and continued to speak in a silly voice out the side of her mouth. "Oh no! Noooo-aggruble lugablug blub." The soft, lifeless cookie began to burble as it drowned in the glass of cool milk, and Pinkie relished in the silliness of it all. She giggled and snorted a few times before finally eating the poor cookie.

"Mmmm delicious!" She turned away from the table and flipped the lights back on. "That was fun, but now I need to go back to work on my secret project." She briskly walked past the shelves of chemicals and baking ingredients and pulled down her kitchen timer.

"Here, in my secret underground laboratory and kitchen, I have labored for far too long on you." She quickly turned a dial on the small oven before grabbing a few of the baking supplies off the shelf and placing them on the table next to a mixing bowl. "But tonight, I shall finally do it. THE PERFECT RECIPE FOR CUPCAKES WILL BE MINE!" (Okay, I think this Pinkie scares me.)

She almost fell victim to diabolical laughter, but heard a groan from above and quickly silenced herself. "Lets see here, confectioners sugar, pure flower, two eggs separated. A little milk, and some nutmeg! Perfect... Clearly, having a combination secret lab and kitchen was the best idea ever!"

She placed the filled mixing bowl under the mixer on the shelf and flipped the switch. "Nothing could possibly go wrong now! I'll go get the cupcake rack!" She happily bounced away as the mixer continued to do what it was supposed to do. As she turned the oven on, and dug in one of the cupboards, unbeknownst (Is that a real word?) to her, but benknownst (If unbeknownst can be a word, why not this?) to us, one of Pinkie's projects began to operate.

The vibration of the mixer shook the shelves, and an open test tube simply marked X was slowly making its way across the edge of an upper shelf. It fell over, dumping it's contents into the mixing bowl before rolling off the shelf entirely, and landing on the floor. It sat still for a few moments before rolling under the shelves.

Pinkie meanwhile remained unaware of this as she continued to grease the pan with butter and lay it down on the table. "These will truly be the perfect cupcakes!" She looked at the batter and nodded sagely before pouring some in one of the cup holes. She paused, and quickly wrapped up the bowl. "Best to keep this on hoof, just in case it's not as good as I hoped, then I can test to see what went wrong." She then popped the tray into the oven and set her timer.

Then she waited.

And waited.

Then waited some more.

Finally the timer went off, and she rushed to pull the lone cupcake out of the oven with a wide grin. (When doesn't she have one of those? Seriously?) "Gotta cool off for a minute." She placed the tray on a cooling rack and opened the small fridge to pull some more ingredients out for the frosting. "I think that buttercream frosting would work best," she mumbled as she prepared a new mixing bowl.

A few minutes later, she had the frosting ready in a bag, and the lone cupcake sitting on a plate. Cool and ready to go. "Cupcake, meet frosting."

"Hello Frosting, I'm Cupcake."

Pinkie almost dropped the frosting bag in shock as she gasped loudly. "Oh Celestia, you're alive!"

"Am I?" The cupcake wondered out loud. "I wasn't sure before, but I suppose that I may be."

"But, how? Your made out of sugar, and spice, and everything nice that goes into a perfect little cupcake!" Pinkie began to pace the room as her mind flowed with the possibilities. "Did I accidentally create life?"

"I don't know, but maybe you could add some of that frosting to me, I feel a bit bald without it."

Pinkie paused, then bonked herself on the forehead. "Duh, how could I forget? A cupcake is hardly a cupcake unless he's got a nice frosted head!" She grabbed the bag and squeezed some on the cupcakes head and smiled at the perfect swirl of frosting. "There, I think that looks a lot better, don't you?"

The cupcake shuffled around on it's plate and looked itself in the mirror, he was all white with an off white frosting top. As he looked at himself, he noticed that he had bright blue dots for eyes and a little hole for a mouth. He couldn't help but smile at himself. "I look, adorable! Thank you Pinkie!"

Pinkie Pie smiled as she lowered the mirror. "Yes, you do. What's your name?"

"Well, I don't know. I suppose you could just call me, Sweetie."

"Nah, that's a fillies name, you look more like a Sucrose, or a Fructose."

The cupcake shrugged his tiny shoulders as best as he could and smiled politely. "As you wish."

Pinkie and the cupcake spent all the night talking. Mostly Pinkie did all the talking while Phillip VonFructose did all the listening. Eventually however, Pinkie began to tire, and went to bed. (A tired Pinkie Pie, I wonder if that really exists, or if the sugar she eats keeps her awake all the time.)

The next morning, Pinkie woke up late. But that was alright because it was her day off anyway. She streched and yawned widely as she awoke before checking her clock. "Hmm, eleven in the morning, I guess that isn't so bad." She let herself tumble out of bed and bounced her way into the restroom. "A quick shower, then I'll brush my teeth and take Phillip to see Twilight! She'll be so excited to see him!"

Little did she know, that as she bathed, Phillip was already there. The small cupcake was hiding behind the mirror in the medicine cabinet, watching as the pink party pony placed herself into the tub and shut the curtain to start the shower. "She sings when she showers..." he thought idly to himself.

Pinkie remained unaware of her little stalker as she bathed. Phillip meanwhile continued to watch her for only a few moments longer before jumping out of the cabinet and making a swift exit out of the bathroom. "You were the first pony I ever saw, and I knew that love was real. I will make you mine, my sweet."

"Isn't he just amazing? He's got a mind of his own, and he can talk and walk and think and everything!" Pinkie Pie smiled wide as she held Phillip out with a hoof to show Twilight the smiling cupcake.

"Hello!"

Twilight screamed and backed away from the pair before drawing out a giant set of tweezers. "It talks! How, I don't understand! What did you do?"

"Well, I added sugar, spice, and everything nice, and when I baked him as a test to see if it was the perfect cupcake, he popped out talking!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Silly, it makes perfect sense! We live in a world of magic, why couldn't it just have happened?"

Twilight ignored Pinkie as she continued to poke, and prod Phillip with all sorts of tools in an attempt to understand how this came to be. "You didn't add anything unusual, did you?"

"Well, I did add a pinch of nutmeg."

"Pinkie, that's not what I meant!" Soon enough the library was filled with the beeping of machines as Twilight continued to experiment. "Now, let me ask you something Phillip, does this hurt?" She then took some tweezers and pulled a crumb off of him.

"OW! Yes, it hurts! Pinkie, make the mean pony stop!"

Pinkie frowned deeply as she scooped up the little cupcake. "Twilight how could you! Phillip is just a little defenseless cupcake!"

"It's just a tissue sample. Besides, how do we even know if it's really sentient?"

"Well I guess you won't ever find out!" Pinkie then threw her nose in the air and left the library. "Come on Phillip, let's go somewhere where you won't be treated like a science project."

The day passed in a blur for Pinkie as she took Philip out to the park. Together, they flew kites, played with some balloons, bounced a ball, and even got to ride together in a paddle boat! "Wow Pinkie! This is the most fun I have ever had in my life since, ever!"

"That's what happens when your friends with me Phillip! Come on, I think that there's a band playing at the gazebo today!"

"Actually," Phillip said as he rubbed his back with his little hand. "I think that we should sit down and talk for a bit."

Pinkie tilted her head in confusion for a moment, then smiled widely. "Okie doki loki!" She then sat down in the shade of the tree and folded her legs under her. "What's up Phil?"

Phillip shuffled his tiny legs around for a few moments and fidgeted with his fingers as Pinkie waited with a bright smile on her face. Finally, he decided that he had to say what was on his mind. "Pinkie, today has been really great, and I really like being friends with you."

"Aww that's so sweet of you! I like being friends with you too!"

Phillip turned a slight tinge of red at this, and cleared his throat before continuing. "Yes, well. What I wanted to say was, you are the first thing that I saw when I came out of the oven, and I think I feel something for you. Like, maybe we can be more than friends?"

Pinkie tilted her head in confusion before laughing a little bit. "But we are more than friends silly billy! We're more like a family than anything else."

"That's not what I meant," he continued. "I mean, like, how do I put this. I think that I might be in love with you."

Pinkie stared at him for a few moments without blinking. Not sure how to react, and letting the information really sink in. Finally, after nearly a minute she spoke. "Phillip. I don't know what to say."

"Say you feel the same way," he began to beg. "Say that you love me too!"

"I do love you too, just, not that way. You feel more like a son to me than anything else." (Wow that's gotta burn.)

Silence rang out from those words, and somewhere deep within the fluffy confines of Phillip, his small sugary heart broke. "Oh, okay."

"Hey, don't feel so bad," Pinkie said with a small hug. "We're still friends, and if anything I can say that I'm proud to be your parent!"

"Yeah, a parent."

Over the course of the next few days, Pinkie began to drift farther apart from Phillip as he tried desperately to show his affections for the pink party pony. One morning she awoke to him standing on her chest, watching her sleep. Another time, she came upstairs from working to find the entire room covered in rose peddles. Later still, she found a box of chocolates with a poem written in it. (I personally would have turned her bed into a trampoline made out of gelatin, but hey whatever.)

While Pinkie ignored these actions, or would try to talk to Phillip about how it's wrong, he would ignore her protests, and just continue trying. And as the week wore on, he became more and more stale. Trying some of the same tactics over again in hopes it would work this time.

Then one day, Pinkie discovered that Phillip couldn't move. There he lay on his back on a tea cup saucer and there he stayed. "Pinkie, Pinkie? Where are you?"

Soon enough the mare entered the room and lay down next to the saucer. "I'm here Phillip, what is it?"

"Pinkie, I think, I think I'm dying. I'm not much longer for this world."

"No, don't say that!" Pinkie cried. "You still have so much to live for!"

"Don't be sad Pinkie, I had a good life, the best any cupcake could have." He coughed a few times as he turned over a little. "I only wish... never mind." (Wow this is intense feels going on here. I'm a genius!)

Pinkie's ears picked up at this as she leaned in closer. "What, what is it you wish? I'll do anything you want!"

"I only wish, that you loved me as I you. I wish, I had a kiss before I left." (And cue the violins...)

Pinkie began to cry slightly, but tried to keep a brave smile for him. "Okay, one kiss. Before you leave this weary world behind." She then leaned down, and did so. Not just any kiss, but the kiss that a lover would give to their partner. A kiss of passion, of love, and of sorrow. Knowing that they could never do this again.

Phillip smiled as the kiss finished and he leaned back. "Thank you Pinkie. Live well. Goodbye." He then gasped and closed his eyes, and exhaled one final time.

"Goodbye Phillip." She then took a cupcake wrapper and placed it over him and bowed her head. "I'll give you a funeral deserving of someone like you." (Wow, this is a rather somber tone, I wonder how I should actually end this...)

Four hours later in the garbage bin outside Sugar Cube Corner, a box on the top of the heap shifted. Moments later Philip came out, quite alive and not dead. "I should have tried that sooner, I can't believe it worked!"

He then threw the wrapper off and used it to make a clean path out of the bin, keeping himself clean and tidy. "Well, I suppose that I can't be with her, now that she thinks I'm dead. Maybe there's somepony else out there for me. Yes, I will search Equestria for that special pony! Somepony who-"

What that pony was supposed to be, Phillip never quite got out. Because in his state of monologue, he failed to notice the cart that was being hauled by a white stallion, nor did he consider the danger that wheels can present to a pastry.