//------------------------------// // Chapter 10 // Story: Flying in the Wrong Lane // by soothsayer //------------------------------// "I don't need therapy!" I spat while looking at Twilight like she was crazy. Raising a hoof I poked her chest and added, "You don't even know me!" She looked down to the hoof that was still pressed against her coat and then looked up, "Your right! I don't know you. But I can tell that your hurting, I didn't become the wielder of the Element of the Magic of Friendship by being unobservant. And if I was to ask your friends or your little brother they would tell me that you have moments when they can't cheer you up no matter what they try." Pressing harder against her I added, "They don't know anything of the sort, I'm not unhappy. I don't need their help and I don't need yours!" Pushing off of her I walked toward my room wanting to get as much space between me and Twilight as possible. Opened the door to my room which still smelled from my earlier escapades with Chase I was met by purple eyes, "Do you know what your problem is Thunderlane!" Spat the purple mare as she got in my face. "No, but we are about to have one!" I warned. Poking me in the chest with her golden shoe she backed me up across the hall pinning me to the wall. Her sudden show of strength caught me off guard. "Your just like my friend Applejack! You are too stubborn to admit you have a problem and when somepony tries to help; you more or less tell them to piss off. You try to forget you underlying problems by creating new ones. Dash tells me that you and her are always at each others throats. She even went as far as to use Scootaloo as an excuse to try to force you to spend time with her so she could figure out what put the bur under your saddle," She finished as she let me down. "She said that the little play days were about getting Scootaloo to hang out with some other pegasi. Pegasi that were just as flightless as she was so she wouldn't feel so bad about her underdeveloped wings. Are saying that Dash did that because she wanted to help me?" I asked in disbelief. "Dash is loyal. What she did was tackle to problems at once. She was trying to help two ponies she cared about the only way she could. I think now that she took on too much." Said Twilight as she turned away. "I never really thought Dash even cared about me anymore than a boss cares for her employees," I muttered. "You so thick, Thunderlane," answered Twilight exasperated, "Who do you think pushed Rarity to ask you out?" "She didn't. She wouldn't." "Yes she did and she would. When Dash heard that you weren't just looking for some mare to buck that you actually wanted to have a relationship she went to one of the only mares she knew that was looking for the same thing. She went to Rarity. Well I say that but first she tried to get Blossomforth to ask you out, but Blossomforth isn't the type of mare to ask a stallion out. She's the type that wants to be asked." replied Twilight. "You mean all this mess is Dash's fault?" I stammered. "No, Dash only tried to help you. Your the one that bucked it up." she said flatly as she shook her head, "And Rarity was actually excited about it. You did save her from falling to her death during the balloon incident." Sliding back against the wall I looked up at the ceiling. "These are mares that aren't even your friends yet. What have your friends done to try to help you?" "Look, Lane. You don't have to do anything, but pumping iron helps me to not have to think about anything except what I'm doing. I think your problem is you think too much." said Snowflake as he loaded the squat bar with a few plates. I gazed around the gym. It was full of exercise equipment. From chin up bars to squatting machines to tread mills. The gym had just about every piece of equipment that a fitness freak could want. And the ponies, most of them were like me. They were healthy but they weren't ripped. A few of them were real fatties and then there were the ponies like my friend Snowflake. Ponies with body fat percentages so low they looked like solid blocks of muscle. "Well? Are you going to give it a shot or not?" asked Snowflake between reps. I nodded yes and walked over to one of the chin up bars and started to give it a shot. After our work out me and Snowflake found ourselves in the sauna. The air was thick with warm moister and the smell of perspiration. It was glorious and it felt good on my now tired muscles, I let out a pleasant sigh. "See, what I mean. It's great not having to think about all the crap that we have to deal with from day to day. I know that you have some problems but who the hay doesn't. The more you put off facing them the bigger they become. I find that if I tackle my problems a little at a time I can work my way through them and I'll be stronger for it. You know what I mean?" "Am I doing this right?" I asked Flitter. "There isn't a right way or a wrong way to meditate. You just stay quiet and still. Just focus on your breathing and let all of your thoughts flow out like water down a stream." she said in an irritated tone. Crossed legged I sat there with my eyes closed. Trying my best to just focus on my breathing but I couldn't let my mind flow. For some reason it wanted to flow into place I didn't want it too and it ended up pushing emotions to the surface that were too uncomfortable to express, "I hate this!" I hissed as I opened my eyes to look at Flitter. "Laney! You just being silly," said CK from the other side of Flitter, "How hard is it to just think of nothing." "Harder than it sounds," I grumbled. Uncrossing her legs CK walked over and set down behind me. I felt her hooves reach out and start to caress my wings. I blush escaped and flooded my cheeks. "What are you doing?" I moaned as she pressed the bundle of nerves that lay between my wings. Flitter peaked at me from her spot and then seeing how uncomfortable CK was making me stepped over to join her little sister. Before I could even complain the two of them had me laying face down on the bamboo mat. Another set of hooves started to pass over my wings and back. "Lane you are so tense," remarked Flitter as she started to knead a particularly knotted muscle, "What have you got to be so tense about?" "I don't want to talk about it?" "Come on Laney! Your with friends, if you can't tell us what's bothering you who can you tell. And besides I'm not going to stop until you spill the beans," said CK just before she started to preen my starboard wing. Moaning in pleasure at the massage I tried my best to hold back the flood of emotions. But after a few minuets of message and preening I broke like twig under a hoof, "Rumble gets upset sometimes. I find him crying in his room about missing mom or dad. Sometimes he has nightmares and he screams out their names. I do my best to calm him down. I show him every kindness. I read to him. I hug him. I even kiss his forehead like mom used to do. He always gets around to asking why did they have to die. Every time he does I die a little inside. It's hard to explain to a colt that death is just a natural part of life. That ponies get sick or ponies die while serving their country. I tell him that when, I don't want to believe if myself." I didn't realize that while I had my eye's closed trying to fight back my own tears that the two of them had pulled me up. Not only that they were hugging me and I didn't realize it until their warmth started to radiate into me. "You and me get along like oil and vinegar but you are still my friend. I still love you and Rumble. You don't have to be alone." whispered Flitter into my ear. "That's right, Laney! You are like a big brother to me. And I'm not going to let you be sad." added CK. "Damn you Thunderlane! I want to love you but you won't let me in. What happened to us? Your dad died and it hurts, I get that. But, don't use that as an excuse to shut me out!" yelled Chase as she slammed her hoof on the kitchen counter. "I don't want to talk about it, Chase!" I retorted as I walked away from the kitchen. "Don't you walk away from me, dude. I haven't said my piece." she said as she clopped after me. Whirling around I looked her dead in the eyes, "Chase just leave me alone!" "I'm not going to leave you alone until you admit that you need help. If I can't help you at least let me take you someplace where they can." She pleaded. I shook my head and cantered to my room slamming the door behind me. My room was quiet for all of about ten seconds before Chase started to franticly beat the door with her hooves. "You can't hide for ever, dude! You can't keep doing this to yourself! she yelled. She continued to beat the door on and off for close to three hours yelling some variation of what she had yelled earlier. It all stopped when Rumble came home from playing with Dinky. I barely heard his voice over Chase's sobbing, "Are... Are you two fighting again?" I heard Chase suck snot and then answer in a hoarse voice, "Yeah." I heard him paw the floor and then start to cry himself before he screamed, "Why do you do that to each other? Don't you love each other. Why can't you too be like mommy and daddy? His words struck my heart like a hammer and I started to bawl. Warm tears cascaded down my cheeks as his little hooves clip clopped to his room. Like me he slammed his door. I laid there in shame. I couldn't be what he needed me to be. I had to fix this. I had to make it right. So I sat up and opened the door. Chase must have been leaning against it because she fell towards me as her prop gave way right into my hooves. Holding her there she looked up at me with puffy eyes and a tear stained face. Just as I was about to pull her to her feet she stretched up and kissed me. It was soft warm and wet. An over whelming fear gripped me as her lips quivered against mine. Pulling back from the kiss she sat up under her own strength and sighed, "I won't do this to Rumble anymore. I won't do this to you. I'll always be your friend Thunderlane but, I can't be you crutch. You won't even let me be that. This is a choice you will have to make for yourself. I won't watch you destroy yourself." That day I watched the only mare that I had ever loved walk out of my life. I didn't see her again for almost two years. And when I did I knew that the two of us would never be the same. Leaning against the wall I remembered everything that my friends had did for me. I realized for the first time that I had a problem. That I needed closure. I needed them and more than that they needed the real me. "Ok, Twilight. I have a problem," I admitted as I bowed my head. "And what are you going to do about it?" she asked softly. "I'm going to get help," I said lowly. She reached up and ruffled my mane. Looking up at her I saw her for the first time not as a pony but as a princess just as wise as Celestia and just as mystical as Luna. Her eyes spoke wonders about her and the smile on her face was one of genuine care. "My job is very simple Thunderlane. I am here to help my friends and if you would let me I would love to be called your friend." she said as she held out a hoof. Bumping it I returned her smile, "I would very much like that." Her smile grew wider and then fanned her nose. Laughing at her antics I realized how bad I smelled. In that narrow hallway all I could smell was sex, alcohol, and sweat. She gave me a look like my mother used to give me when I came in the house filthy. She laughed and then said, "First things first, my little pony! You need a bath!"