Django lifted the heavy bale of hay out of the cart and placed it on his broad shoulders. "This is the last one, Mac!" he called to the large red stallion.
Big Mac simply nodded at him and trotted away, the cart he was hauling ready to carry a fresh load.
After a while of living in Equestria, Django realized that he would need a job. Yes, he was living with Derpy and her daughter Dinky, but he didn't feel right mooching off of them. So, when his money that he got from his little escapade in Canterlot ran out, he went out in search of a job. He had tried to be a cook at the local bar, which worked out fairly well until his boss nearly raped him while she was drunk. Not that he would have complained too much, but it might look bad if the first job he had gotten while in Ponyville had things like that going on after hours.
He also tried out as a teacher's aid for Cheerilee for a few weeks. But in between their "after school conferences" and slapping a colt hard enough to knock out one of his teeth, he was forced to quit by order of the Equestrian School Board. He still had things he needed to, ahem, "share" with Cheerilee from time to time, but it was only on Mondays now instead of the usual five days a week.
The job as a stripper came and went within the same night. The details are still kinda fuzzy, but from the way some of the mares in town looked at him, he could tell that it was probably better that he didn't remember that night.
So with anything regarding being social, friendly, nice, or generally not being an asshole pretty much ruled out, he only had a few options left. He tried helping Twilight in the library, but between the awkward half-conversations and the feeling of mixed emotions in the air, he politely told her that he would quit and to send what he made to Derpy.
Which left only one thing left for him to do. Farming. Sure, it wasn't the most glamorous job in the world, but it paid good, he didn't have to talk to anybody, he could listen to music pretty much all day, and even though Applejack still didn't trust him, they had an uneasy friendship between them. And besides that, between the overly healthy diet from being in Equestria and the grueling manual labor he needed to put in for the farm, he looked like some sort of sex god. Derpy had pointed that out many times while seeing him naked.
Django entered the small barn that housed the Apple family's entire supply of hay. It stank in here. He didn't care if they did eat this shit, it smelled awful and he voiced his thoughts whenever possible. He hefted the bale off of his shoulder and let it fall on the small stack in front of him. "I fucking hate this job," he muttered to himself.
"Then why do you do it?" a sickeningly familiar voice asked from the darkness of the barn.
Django let out a great sigh of contempt. "What the hell do you want Discord?" he asked angrily.
Django hadn't been there when Discord had been freed by the elements. He was vacationing with Derpy and Dinky in Las Pegasus and came back to be surprised by the freed chaos god.
"Aw, aren't you happy to see me?" he asked with fake sadness in his voice.
"That depends," Django said while turning to face him. "Did you bring me a drink?"
Discord's face broke into a crooked smile as he held out his hand, a large, clear bottle with a syrupy liquid inside of it appearing out of nowhere. "Straight from Celestia's private cache," he said proudly.
Despite Django being tired and angry, he let a twisted grin take place on his features. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" he cheered.
"I thought you might appreciate it," Discord said with a knowing face.
"Do I ever?" Django said. "C'mon, I don't have to be anywhere for a while, and you never have anywhere to be. Pull up a seat and drink with me."
Discord's eyes widened. "You want me to drink with you?" he asked incredulously. "Even after you said that you hate me?"
Django's eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim light of the hay barn. "Well, after that time when you turned into a woman, how could I not offer you a drink?" he asked with a laugh.
Discord's eyes narrowed. "I've told you before, it wasn't like that," he growled in irritation.
Django just laughed. "We both know that the only reason we didn't do anything is because I knew you were really a guy."
Discord raised an overgrown eyebrow at him. "Then what about when you kissed me?" he said sweetly.
Django choked on the liquid that he was drinking and had to take a second to regain control of his breathing. "That doesn't count. I was drunk and didn't realize that it was you at first," he said with a certain iron in his voice.
Discord rolled his eyes at the Human in front of him. "Oh please, we both know that you did that because you were too busy ogling me to pay attention to any hints I might have given you," he said as he summoned a cup made out of lava and banana peels in his talon-like hand and it filled itself with the bottle's contents.
Django just grumbled at the Draconequus and took another long drag from the bottle.
One hour and three- not counting the first one- stolen bottles later Django and Discord sat in the hay barn laughing so hard that they nearly cried from the pain.
"T- That- That's the funniest- funniest thing ever!" Django screamed between laughs.
"Oh, you should have been there!" Discord said, barely able to speak without laughing again.
"I wish I was! That would have been fucking awesome!"
"Oh, it was more than awesome," Discord said. "It was... godly!"
The two broke out in even more laughter from Discord's joke. He had been telling Django about the first time he had used his powers and became the god of chaos he was now. He had just finished the part where Celestia and Luna both were rendered powerless because every time they tried to use magic their horns got bigger and bigger until they could barely move.
"Oh fuck," Django managed to breathe out after his fit of laughter ended. "That's good. That's real fuckin' good."
"Isn't it?" Discord said.
"Yeah, the only thing I would have done differently would have made them able to do magic but when they tried the spell would be reversed one way or another."
Discord looked at him with drunken eyes and a confused expression. "Why would you do that? They would have figured out a way to counter-act the magic and stopped you," he explained with a slight slur of his words.
Django shook his head, his body going in the direction of which way it was turning. "No way man. When they figured out the spell was coming out all backwards and stuff, it would stop and start working on them instead of anything else. And if they figured out how to fix that, then I'd just make their magic work different again," he told the god.
"That might work," he said slowly. "But I doubt it. My way is better. Always has been, always will be," he said with what he thought must be a confident smile.
"Oh yeah?" Django challenged.
"Yes," Discord answered.
"Oh yeah?!" he yelled.
"Yes, I do!" Discord yelled back at him.
"OH YEAH?!?!" Django screamed so loud that Discord actually flinched from the sheer volume of his voice. Luna would be proud.
"If you think you can do so much better, then why don't you try?!" Discord screamed back.
"Because dumbass," Django snorted, "I don't have your stupid, fucking powers."
"Well here," Discord said and poked Django in the head with his pawed hand, missing his forehead and jabbing him in the eye. "You can have them until you fail at proving that you're any better than I am."
It took only a fraction of a second, but to Django it felt like eternity. All of Discord's power, all of his experiences, all of his thoughts and feelings transferred over to Django all at once, swamping his brain with thousands of years of life and awareness.
It had enough force behind it that it flung Django across the barn and slammed him into a wall on the far side.
Django slid down the wall and fell on to a bale of hay that he had moved into the barn on a previous day. His head felt like it was being pressed in a vise. His eyes couldn't focus, his body wouldn't respond to his brain's commands, and all he could hear was ringing. And with that, he could taste blood in his mouth. It was barely there, but he could taste it.
It made him smile.
He rose from the hay, having regained full functionality of his body back. He turned to the Draconequus laying on the ground unconscious. The spirit, Discord, that had given him all of his power in a drunken wager. He should kill the spirit. He should string him up and light a fire beneath him. One that gives you the feeling of being burned alive, but doesn't actually hurt you. One that cannot be put out, but instead every time you try, it gets bigger. The pain would kill him, eventually. It would be an incredible sight to see, but he needed the spirit alive. He made a bet with him after all, and he needed to be able to gloat and hang this over his head for the rest of his unnatural life.
"Hey, is somepony in there?" a familiar southern accented voice asked from the closed barn door.
Django smiled. "No," he called out sweetly.
The door was pushed open and he saw Applejack standing there with a slightly angry face. "If that ain't a bold-faced lie, ah don't know what is," she told him with a scowl.
"I didn't lie. You asked if 'somepony' was in here. I'm not a pony, and neither is he," Django said, motioning to the unconscious form of Discord.
Applejack blinked in confusion at what he said.
"Don't think about it too hard or you may hurt yourself," Django said and waved his hand at her.
She immediately screamed and held her head with both of her front hooves, falling to the ground from the sudden unbalancing.
Django smiled impossibly wide. "Told you so."
He looked at the spirit on the ground and his smile faded a little. He raised his hand and snapped his fingers together, cutting any and all ties the god had with the world. "Wouldn't want you using any magic now, would we?" Django said in a cheery voice.
"W- wha..." Applejack whimpered from her prone position.
"I told you. Don't think about anything too hard, or you'll end up getting hurt. It's really very simple." he said with a shrug.
Applejack only whimpered some more as he strolled past her. He looked back at the barn. Hay really did smell like shit.
He snapped his fingers again and the whole barn turned into a giant structure made solely out of manure. In the direct sunlight, it would collapse in only minutes.
Part of him hoped that Applejack would be able to move before it crushed her under its weight. But a darker, larger part of him hoped that before she was crushed, she would finally understand why he called hauling hay a "shit job".
He smiled at the sweet irony and snapped his fingers again. His current clothes disappeared. He was now wearing an over-sized black and green cloak with a hood. His cargo pants were replaced with black, loose fitting trousers made of some kind of thick material with a black and silver leather belt holding them up. His torso was now covered with a very baggy white shirt with ties at the wrists and neck. A crooked dark green wizard hat with silver and black trim sat on his head. Instead of his Timberland boots, now he had tall, black and green soft leather boot with midnight blue, almost black, laces on the front that reached up to his shins. His black hair grew much longer, now past his shoulders and catching the slight breeze, with one thick braid colored a deep blue on the right side of his face coming down to his chin. His beard shaped into a neat goatee, framing his mouth and chin. And to finish it off, two small, silver hoop earrings now hung from each ear, seeming to create some kind of melody when the knocked into each other.
He summoned a staff out of thin air and held it firmly in his right hand. It was a black so dark that it seemed to consume the Sun's light with a ravenous hunger. Made of metal, it had a short blade on the end, making it look almost like a spear, if it weren't for the large blood ruby on the top marking it for what it was. In his left hand a large sword appeared. It was made of pure silver and had a large blood ruby- much like the staff had- on its pommel. The hilt was light brown leather, and the cross-piece was made of two short spikes that were forked at the very end. It came with a sheath made of dark leather with silver trim, which appeared on Django's thigh.
He was Equestria's first Chaos Mage after all, so he was going to make the position look damn good.
He sheathed the sword and took a deep breath. When he let it out there was a small ball of fire that came with it. Even though he looked great, he had work to do.
He snapped his fingers together and appeared in front of the library in which Twilight Sparkle lived. The smile that never once left his lips widened as he knocked on the door.
After a few seconds of waiting the door opened and Django could only smile wider at the look on the unicorn's face when she saw him.
"H- hello... Who- who are you?" she asked carefully.
"Why, my dear Twilight, don't you recognize me?" Django asked her cheerfully.
Her eyes narrowed at him when he spoke. "Django...? Is that you?" she asked him.
He preformed a deep bow, coming down to her height when she asked that. "Django, at your service," he said in his British accent.
"What happened to you?" she asked.
"Well, let's just say that Discord is unhappy," he said as he pushed his way in to the library. "After our little chat, I just had to see you."
"Django, you're eyes are green," she said.
"Are they?" Django asked in amusement.
"Yes, and they're glowing... What did Discord do to you?"
Django smiled and shook his head. "It's not what he did to me that should be on your mind Twilight."
She tilted her head to the side in confusion.
"Listen, I need to send a letter to Tia and Lulu. Do you think that you could write it for me?" he asked in a sincere voice, despite the growing smile.
She didn't say anything, but he knew that there were questions flowing through her mind. She turned and trotted over to her desk and pulled out a quill and a piece of parchment.
Django smiled so much that it hurt. "Are you ready Twi?" he asked, barely containing the excitement in his voice.
She nodded and looked at the parchment in front of her.
Django snapped his fingers loudly, the sound resounding off of the walls slightly.
Twilight tried to turn her head around to look at him, but she couldn't. She tried to blink in confusion, but she couldn't. She tried to ask what was going on, but she couldn't. All she could do was stare at the blank piece of parchment in front of her.
Django let out a cackling laugh that sent a cold shiver down Twilight's spine. "Ah, you should see the look on your face! Priceless!"
Twilight started shaking in fear and confusion.
"Oh don't worry Twilight, you like writing letters to Tia. I did you a favor really," he said as he cleaned his nails on his shirt. "Now, here are the rules. You can't stop looking at the paper. You can't move. And you can't speak. If you try to send the paper to Tia, or if you simply use your magic to destroy the paper, you lose. Your eyes will try to follow every particle at once and end up imploding."
Twilight started shaking more violently as she stared harder at the parchment in front of her.
"Now, with your muscles frozen in place, you can't move. Now this might be tricky. If you don't get rid of the spit in your mouth, you'll drown. But because of the lack of muscle movement, you can't do it yourself."
Twilight's eyes started to water and her vision got blurry.
"And you can't talk. As proof, here's your tongue," Django said as he put the small, meaty thing on Twilight's head. There was a mixture of spit and blood trickling down her neck. "So this means that if somebody tries to move you, or the paper, you can't tell them to stop and you'll have to think of another way to warn them. But if you don't, your eyes will still be locked on, and if they try to get rid of the paper... Well, I just hope you have the brains to get out of this," he said with a laugh that made Twilight shudder.
Twilight was crying now. She was terrified. Why Django was doing this was lost on her. But how he was even capable of this was an even bigger question.
"Aw, don't cry Twi. If you get out, there might still be a chance that Applejack is still alive and you could use the elements and try to stop me," he said with a smile so wicked the Devil himself would be nervous. "Well, I'd love to stay and watch you try to escape, but I'm on a schedule. So goodbye Twi, I hope I can see you before you lost your eyes." With that he snapped his fingers and teleported just outside of Canterlot castle, the home of the two princesses.
Django smiled an impossible smile as he thought of all the possibilities that lay within the castle walls. The possibilities of what he could do to the souls inside. It made him tingle all over with excitement.