//------------------------------//
// Episode 4: Dan Vs. The Crazy Train 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

"All right, and... steady..." Dan told Twilight. Pulling the hammer back slightly, he smacked in the nail with three quick strikes. "There we go. And that's the paneling for the study done."

Twilight released her magic grip on the board, allowing it to stay in place on its own. The portion of the wall it now was didn't shake or budge an inch. Putting a hoof on it, she could tell it was solid. "Great job. Now I can bring some of the furniture back in. Thanks, Dan."

"You're welcome," Dan said, brushing the dust off his gloves. Dressed in full construction gear, yellow hardhat and goggles, he unfolded a piece of paper from his orange vest. "I was wanting to get some remodeling done on this place anyway. Evacuation Plans four-through-five are off on the expected time by point oh-oh-seven percent and I believe the construction was to blame. We need to keep up with the drills if we expect to survive a combined robot-zombie-pirate-ninjapocalypse."

Part of Twilight felt like rolling her eyes but she thought better of it. Normally, she wouldn't think too much about Dan's numerous, complicated contingency plans and practiced procedures for dozens of different unlikely situations. But after what had been happening lately, maybe taking a few safety drills into consideration wasn't such a bad idea.

"Sounds good, Dan," Twilight replied, softly smiling.

"Hey guys. We just finished the floor on the kitchen." Chrysalis announced as she came through the incomplete door of Twilight's study with Spike riding her. Fluffle Puff followed behind them covered in paint and carrying tools.

"Things are coming together really quickly," Spike commented. "We'll have things fixed in no time." Fluffle Puff happily nodded in agreement, a power tool hanging from her mouth.

"Everything except Spike's shrine to Rarity," Chrysalis said with a sly closed-eyed grin.

"Hey!" Spike folded his arms. "It's not a shrine... it's an altar. Altars go inside shrines. And yeah, it kinda got totaled. But I can worry about that when the rest of the house is back to the way it was."

"Well, not exactly the way it was," Dan said, pulling out a set of blueprints. "I actually wanted to talk to you about some renovations we could make, Twilight."

"Renovations?" Twilight asked, levitating the blue sheet over to her and unfolding it.

"We have the opportunity to add some defensive fortifications to the house to help protect us in the event we're attacked," Dan elaborated.

Twilight raised an eyebrow as she looked over the schematic. Dan's plans for the tree apparently included a ring of anti-tank mines surrounding the perimeter, several surface-to-air missile batteries attached to the tree's limbs and the ion cannon from The Empire Strikes Back mounted on the roof. A crudely-drawn picture of the ion cannon blasting a Star Destroyer occupied the upper-right corner of the blueprint. "And... where do you think we're going to get all this, uh, stuff?"

"Radio Barn," Dan replied. "I still have a coupon to use there and if we use it by the end of the month, the installation's free."

Twilight rolled her eyes and levitated the blueprint to Pinkie Pie standing next to her.

"Oooh! You think we can save a spot for a new party cannon?" Pinkie asked, grabbing the schematic.

"Pinkie?!" Everyone turned to her.

"Where did you come from?" Chrysalis asked, looking around.

"I've been here the whole time!" Pinkie informed them. "You didn't see me come in?"

Fluffle Puff dropped the tool out of her mouth. Eyes narrowed, the puffy pony began growling at Pinkie.

"Fluffle! Down, girl," Chrysalis pulled back on her with a spell.

"Aww, it's okay, Puffy!" Pinkie said, reaching out a hoof for Fluffle. The fluffy mare sniffed the outstretched leg and gave it a lick. "Good girl! She probably didn't recognize me covered in pieces of the fourth wall."

"The what?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, I got some of the insulation from the fourth wall of the ground floor stuck in my mane. It must've made it look like I was somepony else," Pinkie shrugged. "That makes sense, right?"

Chrysalis smiled and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Not at all. So, what brings you by?"

"I was actually just on my way to the train station. I'm heading up to Canterlot to deliver a special cake for Cadence and Shining Armor's anniversary," Pinkie answered.

Twilight did a double-take. "My brother's anniversary?!"

Pinkie nodded. "Yep! They're having a party this weekend at the castle and they requested I bake them the most stupendously-awesome mouth-watering thing I can imagine!" She pulled out a blueprint of her own, only pink. A pinkprint. Twilight reluctantly levitated it over to herself.

"I call it the Yumiliciously Edible Super Scrumptious Strawberry Surprise Spectacular!"

"YESSSSS?" Dan asked, skeptical.

Pinkie nodded even more enthusiastically. "It's got more strawberries per square pound than dough!"

Twilight looked over the magenta document. The diagram for the cake apparently included three kinds of cobbler and ten kinds of pie, all strawberry and was surrounded by a ring of sugar. On top were two small figurines of Shining Armor and Cadence wrapped in a warm embrace. A crudely-drawn picture of the cake blasting a Star Destroyer occupied the upper-right corner of the pinkprint.

"You're going to be coming to the party, right Twilight?" Pinkie asked.

The purple mare hooved the schematic back to her friend. "I didn't even know there was going to be one." To her knowledge, she hadn't received an invitation.

"That's weird," Pinkie said. "I got a letter about it a few days ago."

While it wasn't uncommon for Twilight to be the last pony to know about something, it was still disheartening. She could count a couple different occasions where she'd received vital information late or been entirely misinformed. It happened often enough with important issues to be frustrating at times though usually she forgot about the circumstances upon learning more.

"Spike? We didn't happen to get any mail, did we?" 

"Not that I know of," Spike replied. "But I haven't checked the mail-BLAAAAAAGHH!!" the baby dragon belched green flames, throwing him from Chrysalis' back and out the door. He tumbled down the stairs, bouncing off the steps. The flames materialized into a rolled-up scroll that landed on the floor as Spike landed in the foyer.

"Spike!" Twilight ran through the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." Spike called back. "I landed in the basement."

"But we don't have a basement," Chrys said down the stairs.

"We do now."

Dan lightly smacked his forehead. "Of course! I completely forgot about threats from underneath! I'll have to redraw everything from the ground up!" he said, taking the blueprint back from Pinkie.

"So, what's the letter about?" Pinkie asked, holding the scroll. Twilight levitated it over to herself and unrolled it.

"Dear..." Twilight stopped herself. This was her first letter from Celestia since her becoming an alicorn princess. She was so used to seeing 'Dear Twilight Sparkle' or 'My Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle' affixed at the top. But this time, the letter began with 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'. She read the title, her title, a couple of times as if mesmerized by it. Not for the first time, her wings felt uncomfortable on her back and a shiver ran up her spine. She read it again. This was what she wanted... right?

Pinkie lowered her head to meet Twilight's eyes, frozen on the parchment. "So... what's it say?"

"Oh, uh, ahem," she cleared her throat, "Princess Twilight Sparkle," even saying it sounded uncomfortable. "You're cordially invited to attend the Two-year Anniversary Gala of Prince Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza at Canterlot Castle. Friends welcome."

"That's it?" Chrysalis asked.

Twilight flipped the note over, checking the back. "That's it."

"Wow... hard to believe it's really been two years already," the changling queen remarked.

"See? You DID get an invitation!" Pinkie pointed out, literally pointing a hoof at the letter. "You wanna take the train with me to Canterlot?"

"Of course," Twilight answered quickly. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you do have those wings now. You could fly there if you really wanted."

The purple mare looked behind her. "I... yeah." She could fly a bit indoors but out in the open was still tricky. The first time she tried flying outside she got caught up in thinking about flying, monitoring the winds, feeling the changing currents that she forgot to keep flapping. It would be a while before she was comfortable actually taking flight to anywhere far away. "I think I'll just take the train with you."

"Cool!" Pinkie hugged her. "But don't let me catch you trying to get any of the YESSSS before the party!!"

The princess smiled awkwardly. "Wouldn't dream of it, Pinkie."

"So, the letter says friends are welcome..." Chrysalis commented, leading Twilight on. "Know anyone who might want to tag along?"

Reluctantly, Twilight turned to Dan who was comparing the pink schematic to his blue one. "Daaaan?"

He didn't look up from the sheets. "Why, whatever is it, Princess Twilight?"

Twilight cringed. "Would you like to come with me to Canterlot for my brother's anniversary party?"

"Hmm," Dan thought. "Nah. Still have to finish rebuilding the house, getting the furniture moved back in. But you go have fun; it is your bro's anniversary."

"Really?" Twilight asked, surprised.

"Sure. I'll have things fixed up when you get back."

Twilight smiled. "Thanks, Dan." He smiled back at her. "Wanna get going Pinkie? Wait-" She turned to Chrysalis and Fluffle. "Would you or Fluffle Puff like to come?"

Chrys took a step back at the question. "Me?" She looked down at the unfinished floor. "You... really think I'd be... welcome?"

Twilight nodded, as if the implication of the Changling Queen returning to Canterlot was nothing. "I... I don't know."

"Don't worry about a thing," Dan said. "You guys go have a good time. I work better alone anyways."

"I think I'd like that. Thank you... Twilight Sparkle," Chrys said. This wouldn't be the first Queen Chrysalis would be going to Canterlot but it would be the first time she'd be a welcome guest. The queen of the entire Changling Horde, she once was imprisoned along with her hive underneath Canterlot for untold generations. On the eve of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence's wedding, Chrysalis tried to lead her people in an uprising to take over Canterlot and harvest the ponies' emotion for sustenance.

That was two years ago, two years ago this very weekend. It wasn't just the anniversary of the two ponies' weddings; it was the anniversary of the day Chrysalis and her horde had been defeated by Twilight, her friends and the bride and groom. It wasn't something she thought about often but when she did, the memories were painful. Now she'd just been invited to Canterlot by Shining Armor's little sister. Hopefully, the rest of Canterlot would be just as inviting.

"Fluffles? Would you like to come with us?" Chrysalis asked the pink furball.

Fluffle Puff recoiled into herself like she was hiding.

Chrysalis walked over to her. "Aww, it's okay Fluffle. I think she's worried about the house. We should probably leave her here."

"Good idea," Twilight agreed. "We won't have to worry about her getting stuck to the ceiling, at least, considering there is no ceiling."

"So, we ready to go?" Pinkie asked.

Twilight looked around. With the house still in shambles, there wasn't really anything worth taking. Her wardrobe still had yet to be moved back up to her bedroom meaning she couldn't even pack a dress. But maybe it was time for a new outfit anyway, something from Canterlot. Of course, she'd be taking her crown with her.

"I don't think so. Let's head to the train station," Twilight said. The three mares walked down the stairs and through the living room, taking care not to step through the gaping hole in the floor. Twilight glanced in to make sure Spike was okay; the little dragon looked to be building a miniature altar to Rarity.

Once outside, the trio began heading in the direction of the train station, Twilight, Fluffle Puff and Chrysalis walking side by side with Pinkie bouncing merrily ahead of them.

"Ooooh, this is so exciting! I bet the others are already waiting for us on the train!" Pinkie said. "Wait," she stopped bouncing in midair. "THAT MEANS THE YESSSSS IS UNGAURDED!" Shouting, the pink mare bolted in the direction of the train station.

Twilight shook her head.

"Is she going to be like that the entire ride to Canterlot?" Chrysalis asked.

"And back. And the entire time we're there. And forever," Twilight affirmed.

"Well... at least she won't blow her top at every little situation," Chrys commented.

"Good point," the purple alicorn agreed.

Just then, something caught both their attentions. A loud creaking noise came from behind them. The pair turned around just in time to see the tree house fall over on its side in a cloud of dust.

"TWILIGHT!!" Dan yelled. "WAIT FOR ME! I'M COMING WITH YOU!!!"

Twilight and Chrysalis took one look at each other and began running after Pinkie. "START THE TRAIN!!!"


"Why didn't we try to fly? Teleport? Anything?" Chrys asked.

"Sometimes, I forget I can do all those things," Twilight admitted. There were no excuses. On hoof, it hadn't taken Dan long to catch up to both of them. One long-winded, one-sided conversation later and he was sitting right there beside them in the passenger's car of the train, waiting to depart for Canterlot. "So, what happened to make you want to come with us, Dan?"

Arms folded, the young man clearly wasn't in a good mood. "You were gone for twenty seconds before Spike ripped out a support beam and half the plumbing."

"Why would he do that?" Twilight asked.

"You remember how he said alters go in shrines?"

"Yeah..."

"He wanted to build a shrine. Complete with its own ceremonial fountain. The moment he dug one of the pipes out of the wall, all the duct tape holding up the second story let loose and the whole thing came down."

Twilight shook her head, Chrysalis sighed. They both should've seen that coming.

"You're sure Spike's going to be okay on his own for a couple days?" Chrysalis asked.

Nodding, Twilight confirmed, "I've left him alone at the house before. He'll be fine... though I can't say the same about the library."

"Nothing we won't be able to fix," Dan remarked. "Not like we can't find another tree. And we'll be sure to get one big enough to support sufficient plumbing AND an ion cannon."

Twilight could only imagine what they were going to do about the house. It felt like once again, she was being forced to go with the flow. At least she would get the chance to see Celestia, Cadence and Shining. Seeing them always made her feel better about things. And Pinkie was with her. Though, that didn't necessarily make her feel better about things.

The pink mare in question stepped into the passenger's car from the adjacent car and trotted over to where her friends sat.

"That was close! The YESSSS is safe and scrumptiously sound," she declared, taking a seat next to Twilight. "We won't be having any issues like we had with the MMMM."

"MMMM YESSSS?" Dan asked, skeptical. He sat on the bench across from them, sprawled-out in a lounging position. Twilight and Chrys chose to sit together facing the front of the car as they waited for the train to get underway.

"Mm yes!" Pinkie nodded.

"Why do you name these... deserts such weird names?"

"Because Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness was too long to fit on the tag. You have to label things properly for transport otherwise you could mix up things like the Cheesy Crumble Cobbler Corruption for the Electric Exquisite Éclair Eruption. Believe me, you don't wanna make that mistake," Pinkie assured him.

"So, this isn't the first time you've transported some crazy pastry by train?" Dan asked.

"Nope!" pinkie answered. "Every couple months or so me or the Cakes will get an order from Canterlot for something really special. We bake it up and then take on the train right to the castle," she leaned in closer. "The real hard part is making sure nopony sneaks a bite out of it before it gets there. They're just so irresistible ponies can't help themselves!"

Dan sat up and scratched his chin. "So wait, you bake this stuff at your house?"

"Yep!" Pinkie confirmed.

"You put it on a train..." Dan continued.

"Uh huh..."

"And ride with it all the way to Canterlot?"

Pinkie nodded. "Yeah, and then I get to stay for the party to make sure it's delectable!" she slurped loudly. "Is every time!"

Quirking an eyebrow, Dan asked, "Why don't you just bake whatever it is at Canterlot?"

Pinkie giggled. "Oh, that's because I-" the smile suddenly faded from her face. The realization dawned on her: she didn't have to ride with the cake if she could just bake it there. Suddenly, her mind became flooded with all the memories of every desert she'd ever delivered to the castle. The nights she'd spent guarding confectionaries and treats, suspecting every other passenger of possibly wanting to take a bite out of her hard work. All the time spent worrying she would never get back.

Twilight leaned forward. "Pinkie? Are you okay?" she asked, looking over.

The pink pony remained silent. "Yeah..." she said after a moment. Her mane let out an audible pop and began deflating slowly until her hair became straight as a board. "Hu ha... It's funny is all. I didn't have to deliver all the cakes myself, HA!" she laughed sporadically.

She turned over to Twilight, eyes wide. "All those train rides I took. I just could've baked it at the castle. Hahaha! Probably would've saved a lot of TIME wouldn't it have, Twilight?"

"No no," Dan stood up. "We're not having any of that." Grabbing Pinkie by the shoulders, he gave her a light shake and looked her in the eyes. "Sometimes, we don't always think before things happen. Hindsight's twenty-twenty; you'll remember next time and won't have to go through all this, okay?"

Pinkie nodded but didn't say anything.

"Okay?!" Dan shook her again. 

She looked up at him, color returning to her face. Slowly, her mane began to inflate, regaining its bounce. "Okay... you're right. Thanks, Danny."

"Dan," he corrected. She nodded and smiled at him, then the two sat down again. Dan kicked his legs up and returned to his relaxed position.

Twilight was awe-struck. Looking over at Chrysalis, she could tell by her expression the changling queen was just as surprised. Dan had somehow stopped Pinkie from going off the deep end, preventing a Pinkamena moment before it even started.

"Ahh," Dan let out a sigh, putting his arms behind his head. "Sometimes, we all get a little bent out of shape. When that happens, we just gotta shake it out of us and keep going."

Chrysalis and Twilight's jaws practically hit the floor. Dan actually said something... profound. "Dan... that was amazing," Chrys told him.

Twilight agreed. "I... I think I should put that in a letter to the princess."

Dan looked over to her. "Why? Isn't she going to be at Canterlot for the party?"

"Well, yeah but..." the purple princess just realized she never told Dan about her job. "You see, I write Princess Celestia letters about the magic of friendship whenever I learn a new lesson." How long had he been living with her? Was this really the first time she'd told him about this?

"That's your job?" Dan asked, still sounding skeptical. "That's why you live in a library?"

Twilight nodded. This was it; she knew he was going to laugh at her, question the validity of her occupation. Dan was overly critical of everything. He'd probably think researching the magic of friendship was a useless pursuit and she was wasting her time. She was prepared for this opinion, however. Her studies in friendship had led to her finding the best friends and she wouldn't trade it for the world. She was prepared for any criticism he could offer.

"Huh," Dan said, turning back. "Nice gig," was all he said.

Twilight and Chrysalis both exchanged glances. "You don't think it's a waste of time?" she decided to tempt fate and inquire further.

He looked back over. "Are you kidding? Friends are about the most important thing anyone can have."

Queen and princess both practically had tears in their eyes. He was speaking the truth. "I... I agree, Dan. You're absolutely right."

"Of course I'm right!" he declared, sitting back up. "If I didn't have friends, who would I have to back me up when the cops showed up? Who would help me take down corporations and conglomerates? Who would drive me to the hospital and pay for the treatment?" he threw his hands to the ceiling. "Without my friends, there would be countless organizations and individuals out there right now escaping justice and carrying on their unscrupulous activities against the innocents of the world! Friends are the greatest weapon in my arsenal!"

The three mares actually found that last declaration a bit unnerving but still touching. He was right about everything and it looked like Dan did understand the importance of friendship. Twilight would have to put that in a letter at some point though she would leave out the part about cops, corporations and hospitals.

"So, how often do you send her letters?" Dan asked.

"Every week, just about or whenever I learn something new." Come to think of it, she needed to write something new when she got home. And she was still waiting for a response from the letter she sent after the problem they had with Trixie.

"What does she do with these letters?"

"Well, she-" Another thing Twilight didn't have the answer to. "She, um, well, she reads them."

"And?"

Twilight scratched her neck. "I, I think she saves them. I hope." Wait, did she save them? What did Celestia do with her letters after she read them?

Dan leaned forward. "You've been sending her letters every week and you don't know what she's doing with them? She could be throwing them out for all you know! How do you know she's not laughing at you whenever you send one?"

Twilight didn't have an answer, wracked her brain to look for one.

"She does send letters back," Chrysalis interjected.

Pinkie piped up. "Of course she saves them! Remember, Twilight? That time Discord made us all turn on each other and she sent them all back?"

Twilight's face lit up. "Oh yes! Thank you, Pinkie. Yes, Dan, she keeps the letters."

"Yeah," Dan turned his head to the side. "But what does she do with what you've learned?"

Twilight opened her mouth and stopped. "I... I don't know."

Dan pressed her, "Is she writing a book? Teaching a class? Is she planning on getting them translated, sharing them with the world? These are important lessons involving the most powerful magic in all of Equestria being sent directly to the Princess herself, exactly WHAT is happening to all this information?"

"I don't know!" Twilight covered her head in her hooves. "I just don't know! I thought I'd know as a princess but I don't! Nopony tells me anything, I'm literally the LAST to find out about everything and... and... well, look at me!" she shouted, spreading her wings out. "I can't even fly outside..."

Chrys, Dan and Pinkie were silent. The purple alicorn sobbed openly for a quiet moment. Pinkie, not knowing what to say moved to comfort her friend, hugging her. The others, even Dan followed suit. The four shared an embrace with the weeping princess, the car quiet except for a few whimpers.

"Twilight," Chrysalis said. The smaller purple mare met her eyes. "I've been the queen of the changlings for millennia. There are still some things about changing I don't know. But I do know that sometimes, change can happen abruptly, happen when we're not ready. It takes time to adjust but there's one thing that hasn't changed: your friends."

Twilight smiled, glistening tears rolling down her cheeks. The train wasn't even moving yet she found herself moved but what her friends had said.

"We're here for ya, Twilight. Even if tomorrow you wake up and your head's on backwards," Pinkie twisted her neck around for emphasis, "We'll help you get things straightened out."

Dan nodded. "That's right. We've got your back, Twilight. And we'll get to the bottom of this somehow," he mashed a balled-up fist in his palm.

"Thank you, Dan," Twilight dried her eyes. "I'll learn to fly eventually."

"More than that," Dan sat down again. "We'll find out what Princess Celestia's been keeping from you."

"Dan, that's not exactly what I was trying to-" Chrys started to say but was-

"They're keeping something from you, they know more than they're letting on." Did he just interrupt me? How is that even- "And we'll find out what when we get to Canterlot," Dan assured them.

Pinkie waved a hoof in the air to stop Dan. "But the princess has said there's a lot of things even she doesn't know."

"That may be true," Dan folded his arms. "But it's clear she knows more than she's telling us-"

"You mean Twilight" Pinkie tried to interject.

"And that's not right. She should trust us with information this important to the safety of... the planet!"

Chrys shook her head but Twilight was actually beginning to be swayed by Dan's argument. Her gaze dropped to the floor. Becoming an alicorn princess... her friends' destinies, her own destiny, her brother's wedding, her brother's anniversary, Sunset Shimmer most recently... all these things Celestia could have shared with Twilight but she didn't. She should've shared more with her when she was her student but now as a princess, Celestia still wasn't letting Twilight know as much. Maybe it was time Twilight found out.

The conductor shouted the "All aboard!" marking the final call for boarding. The train then came to life; the passenger car lurched forward as the wheels began to carry them along the tracks.


The quartet did their best to get comfortable as the train pulled out of Ponyville Station.

"We couldn't have gotten first-class seats?" Dan asked, shifting uncomfortably on the bench.

"I don't think this train has any other accommodations," Chrys said, looking over her shoulders around. The car they were in was one of the only two passenger cars, identical to the one ahead of them. Behind them was the caboose where cargo and Pinkie's delicacy were being kept.

"Traveling with a queen and a princess, you'd think we'd be able to get some royal treatment," Dan grumbled.

"I don't really think it's necessary," Twilight said. "I've taken the train many times and haven't really needed any special treatment." In fact, the idea of being treated differently for being a princess was kind of unnerving. The entire fact she'd changed into an alicorn was still something she grappled with. Thank goodness she still had her friends, even Dan was starting to become someone she relied on.

Chrysalis put a hoof to her chin. "Being queen of the changlings wasn't that much different from being a drone. We all do what we can to support the hive, act in the best interest of the group. I did my best to lead but I didn't receive any special privileges just for being in charge."

"Maybe that's for the best," Dan commented, leaning back and putting his arms behind his head. "We don't need any more corrupt leaders taking advantage of everyone they're supposed to be looking out for."

Twilight grinned. "Oh? And what about taking advantage of somepony's hospitality?"

Dan turned his head to her quickly. "What's that supposed to mean? Who's the one that's fixing your house after Vinyl annihilated it?"

Chrys chuckled. "That's only because you want to turn it into your own private fortress." The three mares laughed.

"Hey, when the robots try to takeover, you'll all thank me for the upgrades I'll be making to the library," Dan defended.

"If you do turn it into a fortress, be sure to leave room for a party cannon or two. And maybe my party catapult. And my giant party slingshot. Party trebuchet, party man-cannon, party mortar pit, Gun on Ice Party Zero-" Pinkie listed.

"I think Spike has a better chance of turning it into a temple for Rarity," Chrys remarked.

"Good point," Pinkie agreed.

"Heh," Dan scoffed at the doubters. "You'll see when I'm done with it. I'm not one to be underestimated. Maybe I'd even make a good prince."

Twilight and Chrys both got wide-eyed at the statement. "You want to be a prince?"

"Ha," Dan laughed. "Not a chance. I can't stand being around royals, present company excluded. All those uptight aristocrats make my skin crawl."

Pinkie and Twilight could both agree with that. Members of the Canterlot gentry weren't exactly the most pleasant to be around. They both had been forced to tolerate them for an evening not so long ago, a night that had left them with a sour impression of Canterlot royals. Though Twilight and her friends had also made their own impression, something they were happy they'd did in hindsight.

"Aw, they're not all bad, Danny," Pinkie batted away the discomfort.

"Don't call me that."

"-you just have to know how to get on their good side."

Dan shifted again. "I'm just saying, if I was in charge, you'd see what I can do with it."

The image of a future Canterlot renamed Danterlot where Dan controlled everything and watched everything through giant monitors that broadcasted his face entered Twilight's mind. She shook it out quickly.

The passenger car became quiet again. The sound of the track clacking along became the only sound to break the silence. Outside, the landscape began to get more mountainous as the train traveled.

"So," Pinkie broke the silence, "anypony know anything we can do to pass the time?"

"My cell phone's broken or I'd have something to do," Dan said.

"How about impressions?" Chrys suggested.

Pinkie giggled. "You're a changling though! You can change into anypony you want!"

"I know!" Chrys smiled. "Tell me who this is." In a flash, the changling queen was engulfed in green flames. The fire quickly vanished and in Chrysalis' place was an orange earth pony they knew only too well.

"Applebloom!" Chrys shouted in AJ's voice, "What have I told y'all about swimmin' in the cider silo?!" Another green flash and Chrys changed into red-maned filly.

"Aww, but I was tryin' to get mah cutie mark in cider divin'!"

Dan, Twilight and Pinkie burst into laughter. "I think she actually tried doing that once!" Pinkie exclaimed between laughs.

"Okay, try to guess who this is." The queen changed form again, this time into a pink-maned yellow Pegasus.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Twilight. I wanted to come to your brother's anniversary but I was stuck inside my cottage all weekend. I shut myself inside my closet and couldn't get out because... I'm afraid of doorknobs," Fluttershy's voice admitted.

Dan and Pinkie both laughed so hard they fell out of their seats. Twilight wasn't amused. "That's not nice, Chrysalis. Fluttershy's just shy, not afraid of everything."

"Oh but she'd think it was funny, Twilight!" Pinkie said, pulling herself up.

"Well... yeah," Twilight agreed, allowing herself to smile.

"All right, who am I now?" Chrys asked. Dan and Twilight watched intently as the queen changed into somepony else. When the flames subsided, they stared at two Pinkie Pies.

"Hmm," Pinkie stared at her reflection, eyes narrow as she judged. "Not bad. The last changling who changed into me got my mane and coat all wrong."

"Maybe you just to forgot to shower that day?" Chrys suggested in Pinkie's voice, staring back at the same way. For Dan and Twilight, it was like seeing two identical Pinkies. The purple princess once more felt a sense of deja vu.

"Nope," Pinkie answered. "I marked it on my calendar. But you're pretty good."

"Back at ya."

"You can look like me and sound like me," the real Pinkie got off her chair and stood in the aisle. "But can you dance like me?"

Chryssy Pie walked right up to her. "What're you thinking? The Pony Pokey?"

"Actually, I had something else in mind. Follow me and let's see if you can keep up." Pinkie took a deep breath and stood on her back legs.

"It's almost like your seeing double!
But the truth is much more subtle
Your vision's been rearranged!
Come one, come all! Come see the Queen of Change!

Are you having trouble trying to adapt?
In your own body, do you feel trapped?
Well, I can see your potential that's yet to be tapped!
Take one look at me, 
you'll see how easy
Being you can be!

At times, I can seem a bit strange,
But you've never met a pony like the Queen of Change!

There are things you don't know you're capable of!
Actions you can perform when things get tough!
So before you think that you've had enough,
Let me turn into you!
Let me demonstrate
All the things you can do!

Don't look at me like I'm deranged!
I'm just your everyday friendly Queen of Change!

Are you too afraid to try?
I really don't see why.
Do you doubt your skill?
No, you just lack the will!
And if it's confidence you lack,
Let me help you get it back!
I'll change into you, then you'll see
The full extent of your ability!

Do you have the talent but you fear the spotlight?
Let me show you to get through the fright!
Everything's gonna be all right!
Everybody's capable of doing good!
Let me show you how you can, if you would!

Any scope, any range!
I can show you how cuz I'm the Queen of Channnnnnnnnnnggge!!!"

The two identical magenta mares paused in the grand finale, hooves outstretched as confetti fell from the ceiling.

Twilight applauded. "Wow, that was amazing you two!"

Transforming back to her normal form, Chrysalis took a bow alongside Pinkie.

"Thanks, Twilight. What'd you think of it, Dan?"

The steady sound of snoring answered her. The young man in question was asleep on the bench, curled up to a plushie of Trixie.

Twilight giggled. "Well, I thought it was wonderful. You make a great Pinkie Pie, Chrys."

Pinkie nodded. "Yep! All you need is your own party cannon and-"

The door to the adjacent car slammed open abruptly. "What the BUCK is going on back here?!!"


Chrys, Pinkie and Twilight whipped their heads around to the door, Dan shot up in his seat.

"I'll ask again: what the BUCK is going on back here?!" Standing half in the door to the next car was a dark brown-coated donkey wearing a blue uniform. A pair of furious eyes scanned the passenger car's occupants.

"Woah, what's with the language?" Chrys asked.

Pinkie's expression instantly became ecstatic. "CRANKY!!" she shouted, running up to the stranger. Before the perplexed mule could say another word, he was wrapped up in an incredibly tight magenta embrace. "Cranky, it's so good to see you! I didn't know you were gonna be on this train! Why didn't you tell me you were-"

"Let. Go of me."

Pinkie did as instructed, quickly realizing that this equine wasn't the one she knew of back in Ponyville. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought-"

"Assaulting an Equestrian Rail Administration Official.." he muttered to himself. He pointed a hoof at her. "I should you throw you off this train for that."

"I-I'm s-sorry, I didn't know you were..." Pinkie stammered, backing away in fright. While the donkey did bare some resemblance to Cranky Doodle Donkey, Pinkie and the others could tell right away this wasn't the same mule. Like Cranky, he didn't have any hair on his head though this was clearly because his scalp was shaved, not because he was bald. He had a combined moustache-beard around his muzzle that did nothing to hide the scowl he wore aimed at Pinkie Pie.

Twilight jumped in front of her. "Excuse me but don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

The donkey raised an eyebrow and calmly asked, "Harsh?"

"Pinkie was just excited she thought she saw a friend of hers. She didn't realize you were a complete stranger."

He paused as if to consider the possibility. "And who are you exactly?"

"I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle," Pinkie added. "I'm Pinkie Pie, party thrower extrodimare!"

"I didn't ask you," the donkey replied sternly. "And I don't care what kind of princess you are. I am conductor Samule L. Jackson of the Equestrian Rail Administration and while you're on MY train, my authority surpasses even that of a princess."

"What?!" Dan asked, getting up. "How does that work?"

This was not the time for Dan to have an outburst. Twilight turned to him as he walked over. "Uh, Dan-"

"This is a train, not a ship you can just take command of!" he declared.

The donkey took one step forward. "Are you questioning my authority?"

Dan blinked at the question. "I'm questioning why you even- yes, I'm questioning your authority! Why do you have authority? This is a TRAIN!"

"And this is a taser."

A perplexed look briefly dawned across Dan's face before fifty-thousand volts overloaded his nervous system. In one quick motion, the donkey jabbed a rod into his skin, electrifying him.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

"Stop resisting! Stop resisting!!" the conductor shouted. Dan writhed on the ground, limbs jerking as the voltage caused him to spasm.

Shocked to see their friend being shocked, Twilight and Pinkie backed away. Chrys did not.

"Hey, what the-" Energy wrapped around the donkey and pressed him up against the wall. Dan still jerked as his body was released from the electricity.

Chrys' eyes were white. "You do not touch him." She stepped closer to the conductor, keeping him pinned. "You do not-" A bit too close. Though stuck to the wall of the connecting door, the official still had control of his limbs. He stuck the taser in Chrys' side, electrifying the queen.

"RAAAAAAAAUUUUGHH!!" The spell let loose of the donkey and Chrys dropped the floor, convulsing next to Dan.

"Oh my princess!" Twilight gasped, watching as both of her friends were taken out by the conductor.

Brushing himself off, the official withdrew the taser. "The four of you are coming with me. Right now." He opened the door to the adjoining car and held it open.

Twilight and Pinkie approached their friends on the floor. "Guys, are you okay?" Twilight asked, worried.

The two carefully stood. "Been a while... since I've been tased," Dan said, sounding exhausted.

"Uh... ugh..." Chrys panted, trying to stand. Dan moved over to help her to her hooves. "First time... for me."

"If you both don't get moving, it won't be your last. Up," the conductor demanded. In a straight line, the four followed the aggressive mule to the front passenger car. Unlike the one they were in, this one was occupied by other ponies. A group of four unicorns conversed towards the front of the cabin, a few crystal ponies took up some other seats and in the middle an earth pony was busy trying to get a sign into an overhead storage compartment.

The donkey lead the four to a pair of benches in the back, the first available next to the door they exited. They each took seats like obedient children that had just been scolded. "I'm going to keep you all up here where I can keep an eye on you."

"I don't think the taser was really necessary," Twilight said, looking up at him.

The donkey leaned over to her. "In the interest of protecting national rail security, I'm fully authorized to use non-lethal force to subdue any passengers I deem a disruption to the safe operation of this train. Do I make myself clear, princess?"

Twilight averted her eyes from his gaze. "I... understand."

"Good. Any more disruptions and the consequences will be more severe," he said venomously, walking away.

Twilight waited until he was to the front of the car before turning her attention back to her friends. Both Chrysalis' mane and Dan's hair were thoroughly messed up, standing on end from the electricity. "Are you all right?" Twilight whispered.

"Tear-gas, I can handle. And mace is actually a lot like tear-gas only tangier. But tasers?" Dan took a moment to push his hair back down. "I'm still building up my tolerance to tasers."

"That was... unpleasant," Chrys said, adjusting her mane.

Pinkie's head was drooping down. "I'm sorry, guys. This was my fault. If we hadn't been singing..."

"No Pinkie," Chrysalis put a hoof on her shoulder. "This wasn't anypony's fault. That conductor's just a jerk."

Dan cleared his throat, making point of the logo reading JERK on his shirt.

"Oh, I mean he's not a good jerk. Not like you, Dan; you're the good kind," Chrys corrected.

Dan smiled. "Thank you."

"Still, I think it was a bit extreme that he'd just up and zap you for speaking out," Twilight said.

"I think the conductor might be angrier than you, Dan," Pinkie remarked, looking over her shoulder to the front of the car.

"What makes you say that, Pinkie?" Dan asked, turning his head in the same direction in time to see the conductor press a pony's head against one of the windows.

"Did I say you could get up?! What's the sign say mother bucker?!"

"I dunno. Just a hunch," Pinkie replied.

"I say we throw him off the train, tie him to a railroad tie so that the next time lightning strikes-" Dan got a wild look in his eye as he continued.

"I don't think that's the best idea," Twilight commented. "Maybe we should just try to remain quiet for the rest of the ride."

"Twilight, what about my cake?" Pinkie asked.

"I'm sure the cake will be fine."

"No, no!" Pinkie waved her hooves. "I have to check up on it to monitor the temperature, the flavor levels and the proper balance of the frosting! What if something goes wrong?"

Twilight tried to calm her friend down. "I don't think anything's going to happen to the cake while it's on the train, Pinkie."

"Twilight," Pinkie grabbed her friend by the cheeks, locking eyes with her. "This is cake. YOU DON'T LEAVE CAKE TO CHANCE!"

"Pinkie," Chrysalis said. "Calm down, it's going to be all right. We'll be able to check on the cake when we stop, just relax until we get there."

"Okay... okay, yeah. You're right," slowly the magenta mare slid back into her chair. "Everything's going to be fine."

And it was. For precisely three seconds. Then, Pinkie's tail started twitching. "THAT'S IT! I HAVE TO CHECK ON THE CAKE!" she shouted. The pink mare jumped out of her seat and bolted through the door to the other passenger car.

"Pinkie!!" Twilight tried to stop her but it was too late. Turning back to the front, the mule conductor didn't seem to have noticed yet. The sign the passenger towards the middle tried to stow in the overhead bin had fallen out and Samule seemed to be berating him about the issue.

"She really cares about cake," Chrysalis thought aloud, brushing her mane back into place.

"What are we gonna do now? The conductor's gonna see she's gone and we'll get thrown off the train!" Twilight said, entering panic mode.

"Oh! I've got it!" Chrys said. In a flash, she transformed into Pinkie Pie. "There! Now he won't notice Pinkie's gone!" she smiled enthusiastically.

Dan and Twilight both facepalm/hooved. "Great job!" Dan said sarcastically, "But who's going to turn into you?!"

"Oh..." Chrys realized. Flash again and she was back to normal. "I forgot about that."

"We need to do something..." Twilight said. "He's getting closer!" Samule L. Jackson continued making his way down the aisle to them taking time to verbally abuse each of the passengers as he passed. It was clear he would reach them soon.

"Okay," Dan leaned in. "Here's what we do..."

Chrys and Twilight leaned in to listen. "Uh huh," they asked, both intent to hear what he had to say.

Dan opened his mouth and then immediately got up ran through the door to the other cabin. Chrys and Twilight glanced at each other and then scrambled to follow him.


"Dan, wait up!" Chrys whispered. The two mares followed the biped through the vacant car they'd just been sitting in minutes ago. Looking behind them, they knew it would only be moments before the conductor knew they were gone, if that even.

Dan quickly strode through the aisle of benches to the back of the car. He opened the door to the passageway that connected to the caboose and then through the door to the cargo area Pinkie had left open.

"Pinkie? Where are you?" he asked, stepping inside. It was dark; the only lights came from the small windows on either side of the car and the back. Boxes were stacked all around them, some haphazardly tied down, others simply propped against the wall. "Pinkie?!"

"Shh!" Pinkie's voice shushed him.

"What?"

"Keep your voice down! Cakes are sensitive to loud noises!"

Dan shook his head. "That doesn't make any sense!"

Chrys and Twilight entered behind him. "Why is it so dark back here?" Chrys asked.

Pinkie popped up from behind a box in the back. "So the light doesn't tamper with the temperature. Cakes are very sensitive to heat and light."

"What aren't cakes sensitive to?" Dan asked, almost exasperated.

"Being eaten!" Pinkie replied with huge grin.

Twilight was relieved to see Pinkie. "Okay, you've checked on the cake. We have to get back to our seats before the conductor-"

A loud slam drew their attention behind them. Looking through the small window on the door to the passenger car, they saw the furious form of Samule L. Jackson stomping towards them.

"Too late." Pinkie pointed.

"What do we do?!" Twilight panicked. "We gotta hide, we gotta bail-"

Chrys turned to the door. "I could turn into Celestia or Luna. Maybe Nightmare Moon can scare him away. Or I could turn-"

"Turn around and follow me!" Dan grabbed her leg and pulled her. Wading through the boxes, he made his way to the back of the car with queen and princess behind him. "We'll climb to the roof from the outside!" he said, opening the back door.

Pinkie shook her head. "I'm not leaving my cake."

"Pinkie," Twilight turned to her, "there's no time to argue! We have to get going!"

The door at the front of the caboose opened. Quickly, Dan pulled Twilight and Chrys through to the back just as Samule entered.

Dan turned to the side quickly and pressed his back against the wall, Twilight and Chrys did the same on the other side. They were on the small platform at the end of the caboose, nothing in front of them but the railroad that passed beneath them.

"Wot the hay are you blokes doin' on mai train?" They had all failed to notice a black griffon leaning on the platform's railing. He tipped his black, circular glasses down the bridge of his beak as he regarded the three.

"Uh..." Twilight stammered, trying to think of something.

"What are YOU doing on this train?" Dan asked, demanding his own answer.

The griffon turned to them. "Om Ozzy, Ozzy Osbarn. This ere's mai train and I stepped out ere to enjoy tha fresh air while we're traveling up the mountains."

"Uh... we're doing the same!" Twilight said, grinning.

"Uhm..." Dan thought quickly. Quickly, he reached up and grabbed Twilight's crown off her head and tucked it behind his back. "I think Princess Twilight lost her crown... on top of the train. So, we're going to go look for it," he declared aloud in the most nonchalant voice he could manage. He turned to the ladder at his side and began climbing it, Twilight and the others quickly followed.

"Awright, jus be careful up there," the griffon said, not really paying attention to them. The three climbed the ladder to the roof of the caboose.

At the same time inside of it, Samule L. Jackson closed the door behind him carefully. "All right, I know you're in here so why not just make this easy and show yourselves?" Silence answered him. It figured; fugitives never gave themselves up to the first offer. But at least he had offered. That was the important part, he reminded himself.

One of the boxes towards the back of the cabin shook. "I'm the law on this train! You can't hide from me!" he yelled, running over to it. He didn't draw his taser but kept it ready on the edge of his fore-ankle just in case. The box was small, about half the size of an average pony. Only large enough for somepony to hide in if they were lying down. He placed his hooves over the lid.

"Tampering with cargo, I'm adding that to your list of infractions so-" he opened it and stopped speaking. Inside appeared to be a... cake. A carrot cake to be precise, there was nothing conspicuous about its frosting or texture. Perplexed, Samule replaced the lid to the box. Could've almost sworn that-

The sound of another container shaking behind him drew his attention. He spun around quickly to see the pink mare's head sticking out of a box in the middle of the car, just looking at him and wearing the lid like a hat.

"There you are!" he shouted, dashing over to the boxed mare. Pinkie quickly recoiled inside the crate, the box shaking as the lid slid back in place. "What are you doing back here? Where's your friends?!" he placed both hooves on the top of the box. He opened it quickly to see... another cake, this one a fruit cake with nuts.

Samule looked at the box in disbelief. The magenta pony was just in this box, he saw her head poking out of it! He shook the box, looking all around the contents but there was no sign of her. Lifting up the box, he checked the bottom of it and the space beneath it. There were no holes, no evidence she escaped. This couldn't be possible.

Another box shook in a corner of the room. Teeth gritted, he ran over to it. There was no way out, no where she could run this time. He placed both hooves on the lid but then thought better of it. Instead, he knelt down further and grabbed the box by its sides and lifted it. It was too light; there was no way she was in there. He wouldn't be fooled this time.

Turning back around, he noticed the lid to one of the boxes quickly close shut and vibrate. Samule ran over to it, confident this time. He knelt down to the container and tried to lift it. It was too heavy for him to move. When he released it, it shook again. Grinning, he ripped off the container's top. "I've got you now! Stop tampering with-" Inside was another cake. Actually, not even. Just a mini-muffin.

The box in the corner behind him shook again. Turning around, he saw the pink mare's head sticking out of the box he'd only checked moments ago. Her wide eyes pierced the darkness as she stared at him. He lunged at the box as she popped back inside, grabbing it with his hooves. "You're not getting away from me!! This shenanigans stops now!" the box vibrated in his hooves. The sound of giggling came from inside. This was it, he had her now. Taking off the top, he tossed aside and peered in to the face of his perpetrator.

But that's all that was inside the box: Pinkie's face. Grinning back at Samule was a Pinkie Pie-shaped cake complete with pink frosting. He stared at the desert in shock. How was she doing this?! All around him, all the cargo crates in the caboose started vibrating like things possessed. Lids shook, sides quivered, he backed into the corner until he bumped into a box behind him. He turned abruptly in time to see the pink pony looking at him. She giggled.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" With the noise the train was making clacking along the rails, the conductor's scream didn't pierce the walls of the car.

On top of the car, Dan and the others struggled to stand their ground against the wind. The trio walked along the roof single-file with Dan in front, Twilight in the middle and Chrys in the back. The train was now traveling at an incline, up the mountains. It wouldn't be long before they reached Canterlot.

"So, what do we do? Just hide up here until we get to Canterlot?" Twilight asked.

"Why would we do that? Look, the conductor's in the caboose so we just climb on the roofs until we get to the front passenger car, swing in through the windows and be back in our seats. Then we pretend like nothing happened," Dan yelled over the sound of the wind rushing by.

Twilight wasn't sure about the idea but she also didn't have any ideas of her own. "What about Pinkie?" Chrysalis was the only one that noticed the sign that passed them as they went by.

"She'll have to fend for herself."

"You're sure she'll be okay back here?"

Dan shrugged. "Why not? She's got cake."

"That's a great plan. Dan but there's just one problem with it," Chrys said.

"What?" Dan asked in disbelief. "We covered everything: the conductor, the cake, the caboose,"

"-the cave."

"Cave?" Dan stopped listing. "What cave?"

Chrys pointed to the front of the train. "The one the train's about to go into."

Dan and Twilight turned back to see what she was pointing at. "Oh, that's not a cave. That's a tunnel." Dan said calmly.

"That's a tunnel!!" Twilight screeched. The tunnel fast-approached them, they had seconds to respond. "We'll never make it back to the ladder!!"

"Off to the side!" Dan yelled. Kneeling down, he grabbed the edge of the roof and climbed onto the side, hanging off the side of the caboose. Chrys followed suit, using the holes in her hooves to grab the corners of the ledge. Twilight reluctantly crouched down and did her best to position her hooves on the side, finally swinging down. A little too quickly.

"AAh, I'm slipping!" her left hoof swung off the side, the motion pulling her away from the car so that she was hanging by the corner of her right hoof alone.

Putting his feet on the corners of the side, Dan reached out with his right hand and grabbed Twilight's hoof, pulling her back to the side of the car just as the train entered the tunnel. Air rushed by them but the three clung to the side for dear life, the roar of the train echoing in the tunnel.

"Dan..." Twilight gasped, "Thank you."

"We're not letting go of you that easy," Dan said back.

"You know, I shouldn't have to remind us but..." Chrys started to yell.

"But what?"

"But we can teleport!"

If Twilight wasn't holding on for dear life, another facehoof would have occurred.

"Do it! Do it now!!" Dan shouted. The purple alicorn complied and in a flash, they were back inside the caboose. The three of them nearly fell to the floor, exhausted and relieved.

Gasping for breath, Dan slowly stood up. "Twilight, I'm going to write 'YOU CAN TELEPORT' on a note and tape it to your forehead... the next time you forget you can teleport."

Chrys nodded in agreement. "Along with 'you can fly, you can time travel,'"

"You can deal with this later," Twilight added, tired. "At least we're safe now."

"I wouldn't say that," Pinkie said, stepping out of a cake box behind them.

"Pinkie!" Twilight said, relieved to see her friend. "What happened to the conductor?"

Pinkie pointed a hoof at the door. The others turned in that direction in time to see it close.

Samule L. Jackson panted as he exited the caboose. Covered in cake icing and frightened for his life, he didn't know how that pink pony had done what she did but he wasn't going to stick around to find out. Something was going on here; he was sure of it. As he always reminded himself and others, the absence of evidence was not the evidence of absence. The safety of the train had been compromised, meaning there was only one thing left to do.

Dan and the others approached the door connecting to the passage between cars. Looking through the window, they saw the conductor.

"What's he doing?" Dan asked.

"I don't know," Chrys answered. None of them had any idea what he was up to but it didn't look like he had noticed them, not yet at least.

The donkey brushed some of the cream off his face with a hoof. "That is IT! I have HAD IT with these MOTHER BUCKING CAKES on this MOTHER BUCKING TRAIN!" Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved his taser. Instead of activating it, Samule turned it to the other side and ignited something else.

"What... the... force..." Dan said, awe-struck by what he viewed. A magenta beam of energy shot out from the end of the taser the conductor held, a solid ray humming like a blade.

"What is that?" Chrys asked.

"I don't know... but I'm thinking the roof might be safer now," Dan said, stepping back.

Samule L. Jackson plunged the tasesaber's pink energy blade into the floor of the connecting passageway, piercing the metal. The others watched in shock as the conductor drew the sword through the floor and up along the sides of the wall, cutting a huge line. He brought the blade up through the ceiling, back around the other side and finally back to the floor.

Looking back up through the window to the caboose, Samule grinned. He put his hoof to the space where he cut and pushed.


The passageway jerked and snapped off, disconnecting from the train where it had been severed. The rest of the train continued on ahead of them, the distance between the two cars growing.

Dan opened the door. The caboose was no longer connected to the rest of the train and was slowing down. His jaw hung open as he watched the car ahead of them race away from them. Samule L. Jackson withdrew his tasesaber into his pocket again and stepped through the door of the second passenger car.

"Wha... what did he just do?!!" Twilight asked, shocked.

"He... he just cut us off... from the rest of the train!" Chrys answered.

The group stared slack-jawed as the train disappeared around a corner of the mountain. Slowly, the caboose lost momentum until it came to a halt.

"I... I can't believe this..." Dan slumped to the ground. "This is worse than the airlines!"

Chrys stepped forward and opened the door. She stuck he head out to look around. In front of them were the train tracks, no indication of how far they were from Canterlot, Ponyville or anything remotely resembling civilization. To the caboose's right was a sheer cliff and a long way down, to their right was the beginning of a cliff and a long way up. Behind them was track, in front of them was track. They were between a rock and a hard place.

"What do we do now?" Pinkie Pie asked, worried. "The refrigeration on the cake was only meant to last so long. We have to get to Canterlot soon!"

"You don't get it, do you?" Dan asked, getting up. "We're stranded! You know how many miles we are from Canterlot?"

The pink pony shook her head, making the sound of a walnut clanging around the inside of a tin can as she did.

"You know how many miles we are away from Ponyville?!" Another head shake answered him. "That cake is going to have to last us until we make it back home! It could be days!... we're gonna have to eat the cake!"

"NO!" Pinkie screamed. She propped herself up against the largest crate to the side of the cart. "This cake is specifically for Shining Armor and Cadence's anniversary party! We can't eat it!"

"Wait," Dan realized something. Slowly, he turned around to Twilight Sparkle. "You."

"Me?" Twilight recoiled, not understanding.

"You," Dan stomped over to her. "Why did you teleport us back into the caboose?! Why didn't you teleport us back to our seats?!" he screamed.

"Maybe... calm down a bit, Dan?" Chrys said, also backing away.

"And for that matter," Dan looked around desperately, angrily, then threw his head back and shouted "WHY DID WE TAKE THE TRAIN?!!!"

Just then, the back door opened and a griffon stepped inside. "Oi, we here already?" he asked.

"No," Chrys answered. "The conductor just... cut our trip short."

The griffon walked through the car, passing them to look out the door for himself. "Ah. Well tha's a bit inconvenient."

"No, when he tased me and Chrys and hauled us to the front car, that was a bit inconvenient. This," he gestured to the bisected passageway, "this is crazy."

Ozzy turned his head quickly to Dan, tipping his shades as he did so. "Crazy, you say?" He closed the door and stepped to the side. Reaching underneath a panel in the wall, he removed the cover to a circuit box of some sort.

Twilight looked over his shoulder. "What're you doing there?"

"What're you doing here?" he asked, still focusing on the circuit box. Green lights flashed in rows as the griffon ran his talons over different ones, switching controls Twilight couldn't make out.

"What do you mean?"

"No, seriously, wot are you blokes doin' on mai train?"

"Um," Twilight took a step back, "well, we were on our way to Canterlot. Pinkie came back here to check on her cake and..."

"So, you came back here to see if the cake was cut and the conductor carves the car instead..." Ozzy surmised.

"And now we're stranded here. Which means, it's only a matter of time before we're going to have to dig into that cake in order to survive," Dan said, turning to Pinkie.

"NO!!" the pink mare screamed, still bracing against her box.

"Before we go slicing into anything else, I may have a way to get us moving again," Ozzy said, closing the panel. Turning around, he held two spliced wires in his talons close to each other. "But I'm going to need you all to do something for me."

"What's that?" Dan asked.

The griffon smiled and suddenly his voice dropped low. "Hold on." He touched the two wires together and a spark shot out from their ends. Instantly, the car lurched forward. Dan and the others steadied themselves as the caboose picked up speed, accelerating rapidly. Before they could celebrate, however the train car was going almost too fast. Boxes began sliding to the back of the car, Pinkie holding onto hers as it vibrated.

"Ha ha ha ha..." Ozzy cackled, his feathers rising as electricity flowed from one wire to the next.

"What did you just did?!!" Dan yelled.

"This is MY train, as I've said enough and it comes complete with its own rockets!"

"Rockets?!"

The train lurched again, accelerating further. The sound of jets firing pierced the cabin as the train began to race down the tracks, faster than even the locomotive it had originally been attached to. Dan and the others now clutched the floor in order to remain from being thrown to the back, clinging as the car throttled down the railroad and break-neck speed.

The caboose barely touched the rails as it flew on the mountain rails. Each slight rise and dip in the tracks caused the wheels to go a little bit airborne before clanging back down. Their speed was getting to be dangerous; the rockets on the side of the train that had been deployed by Ozzy's tinkering pushed them forward at a velocity intended for the entire train, not just one car.

"Now we should catch up to them in no time," Ozzy said confidently, lowering the two wires. The rockets stopped blazing and retracted into the sides of the car.

"Catch up to them?!" Dan accused the notion, "At this rate, we'll go straight through them!" He climbed to his feet, struggling to stand against the speed of the train car. The door to the front of the car swung open and broke off at the hinges. Dan and the others ducked as the door smashed into the door at the rear of the car, breaking it off as well. The two doors flew out of the car and over the railing, smashing on the tracks in pieces.

"Oh, not a chance," the griffon batted the idea away. "When we get close to them, we'll just slow down and recouple the cars."

"And how are we supposed to slow down?!" Dan asked.

"Emergency brakes," Ozzy replied. It seemed the mysterious driver did have everything worked out. He walked over to the other side of the door and lifted up the cover to another panel. "We'll just tap these when we start to see the other train and that'll match our speed with 'em."

Dan, Chrysalis and Twilight stared at the panel as the griffon triumphantly pulled it open. Their eyes collectively widened in shock.

Chrys pointed a hoof at the wall. "Your emergency brakes... have an emergency!"

"What?" Ozzy turned to see what she was pointing at. The cover he'd just pulled back was indeed the slot for the emergency brake... but there was no brake lever inside. Instead, a chocolate cake had been wedged in the compartment space, hanging out as icing oozed onto the floor.

"That's not an emergency brake! That's an emergency cake!" Pinkie yelled.

The griffon's face went flush. "We need to hit the brakes!" He flew to the back and ripped open another panel. To his dismay, there was another cake behind it.

"There are no brakes! Only cakes!"

Ozzy turned to Pinkie. "Why would they replace the brakes with cakes?!"

"Uh... well, they didn't," Pinkie said, still clinging to her crate.

"Pinkie..." Twilight said, concerned at whatever it was Pinkie did.

Pinkie gulped. "What if the train had stopped too quickly? The cake could've been ruined! I couldn't take that chance so I... I replaced all the brakes on the train with cakes!"

"That's... that's insane!!" Twilight shouted in shock. Talk about an unsafe obsession with cake!

"It's... it's okay," Ozzy said, nervousness in his voice. "With the rockets off, we'll slow down eventually."

"You better hope we slow down soon," Chrys said.

"What? Why?"

"Because there's a cliff coming up!!"

Through the empty doorway, the others saw a turn in the railway fast-approaching. The tracks wound around the mountainside to their left, avoiding the sheer cliffs directly ahead of them. Unfortunately, with the speed the train had built up, it was clear the train would not be avoiding the cliffs.

"Twilight?" Chrys asked, the entire group clutching the floor as the train rolled.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't we just fly?"

The train rocketed down the tracks, reaching the turn. All though it wasn't a sharp turn, it wasn't dull enough to alter the train's direction, or as would be the case in a moment, its trajectory. The car's wheels clacked as they ran over the change in course and the caboose flew over the cliff like a skier flying off a ramp. But the train car was far less graceful.

As the train flew, airborne off the side of the mountain, Dan shouted, "CRAZY TRAIN!!!"


The train car flew a good distance, staying in the air for a good amount of time despite its less-than-aerodynamic qualities. It cleared the mountain's sloping side, continuing all the way down. Apart from passengers' screaming, the car sailed silently, almost majestically in the afternoon sun as it slowly dipped, beginning a straight plummet towards the ground below.

"AAAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAHH!!"

"Pinkie!" Chrys yelled, trying to quiet the pink mare. The two were pressed up against Pinkie's cake crate, the others clinging to the wall at the rear of the car as it angled vertically.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!"

The changling queen moved over and quickly covered the mare's mouth with her hooves, though she tried to scream through the holes in Chrys' legs. Still, Chrys managed to shut Pinkie's mouth and shout over the noise.

"TWILIGHT! Can you do that thing your brother does?!"

The purple mare was bracing against the velocity and the impact soon to come. "Wha... what thing?!"

"That thing-the shield! Can you put a shield around the car?!

Twilight's eyes widened. "Oh! I, let me try!" Leaning forward, she closed her eyes tight, focusing all her energy into her horn. A purple-pink sphere of energy formed around the train car, encasing it in a magic bubble.

Chrys, Dan and the others collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, it would be short lived.

At the front of the train car, the control panel broke off its hinges and flew back towards the cabin. While the shield could soften the impact, it could not protect them from gravity and inside the barrier, it offered no defense at all. Twilight gasped as the panel flew straight at her but there was nothing she could do to stop it while projecting the shield. It smacked the young princess in the face, knocking her instantly unconscious. The shield around the car quickly collapsed.

"Twilight! TWILIGHT!" Dan yelled, shaking her.

For some reason, Ozzy was completely calm as he braced on the wall next to Dan and the unconscious Twilight. "Well, I neva would've figured this'd be the way I'd go out. Would've been nice to do a farewell tour first, get some more action, see tha world one las time but-"

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW?! SOMEPONY SAVE MY CAKE! SAVE MEEEEEE!!"  Pinkie screamed.

"Chrys!" Dan shouted. "You can use magic, too! You've got to make a shield!"

"That's... I've never done magic like that!"

"You have to shield the car now!!" Dan shouted.

Gritting her teeth and shutting her eyes, Chrys focused power into her own horn. An turquoise aura appeared around it, her horn sparked but no barrier appeared around the train. "I... I can't!"

"CHRYS!!"

"I- I need energy! I need love!"

"I love you!" Pinkie quickly said.

"Yes!" Dan agreed, yelling. "We're your friends! We love you! Now please, create a shield!"

"I actually don't really know any of you but I'm willing to spread the luv," Ozzy said, still perfectly calm.

"No!" Chrysalis shouted. "Not that kind of love!"

"Then WHAT kind?!" Dan asked.

Chrys jumped over the box, vaulting back to Dan's position. He looked at her, not knowing what she was doing. "This kind," she said. Pulling him close, she kissed him. She closed her eyes as she embraced him, Dan's own eyes going wide, wider with shock than when he'd been tased as their lips locked.

Being a queen, a changling and queen of the changlings, Chrysalis hadn't lived what would be considered an average life for a mare. Friendship, love, passion and compassion were things all creatures in Equestria experienced but arguably Chrysalis and her horde experienced them in the most different of ways. Like ponies, for them, the bonds made between two living beings were a source of not just emotional support but also magical strength.

The bond created between two living things could be compared to chemical bonds. The reaction of such bonds can cause the release of tremendous amounts of energy but ponies have found a way to harness the connection between individuals to create something more. By utilizing friendship, love and magic, ponies discovered they can use such bonds to create and harness limitless amounts of energy, power unfathomable.

Changlings, however fed on this energy by leeching through the bonds created. They became living siphons that drained another creature through the connection they created, a parasitic process that caused changlings to be both feared and hated.

Over time, though, it was clear something was changing inside the changling queen. After being taken in by Twilight, Chrysalis had long since learned to find alternative forms of sustenance instead of leeching off others. But she had never truly experienced love, never really felt it. Until she met Dan.

Chrys broke the lock, leaving Dan in awe of what had just happened. Energy surged through, more power than she'd ever felt before. She lowered her head, concentrating and her horn pulsed again. A bright emerald bubble quickly engulfed the entire train car, scant few seconds before it hit the ground.

Dan and the others braced for the inevitable impact. Twilight, still unconscious, was being held to the floor by Dan and Ozzy. Dan didn't really realize it though from having been smooched by Chrys; the action had left him practically paralyzed. This didn't help him when the train car reversed its position and the cake crate Pinkie was clinging to slid back to the wall, slamming into Dan.

The green shield impacted the surface, absorbing the blow and rebounding off the ground like a rubber ball. The train-ball was, for a brief moment like an enormous marble with a train car-shaped cat's eye in the center, bouncing a couple times and then rolling to a stop at the base of the mountain.

The shield disappeared instantly and the train car hit the ground on its wheels. A cloud of sand was thrown up from where it impacted that slowly settled along with the train's contents.

"Everybody okay?" Chrysalis asked, getting up and rubbing her head.

"Reckon om awright," Ozzy proclaimed. "Can't say the same for these two."

Chrys ran to the back of the cabin. Using a levitation spell, she moved the large cake crate off of Dan.

"Nuh...nuh... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Pinkie screamed, breaking down as Chrysalis turned the box around. Apparently, the contents, Pinkie's cake, had shifted during 'flight'. When the crate slammed into Dan, it apparently also broke the side with the young man breaking through it. Dan's unconscious form slumped to the floor, covered in cake next to the equally unconscious Twilight.

"Dan! Dan!" Chrys shook him and brushed off the pieces of cake and icing. She looked over at Twilight and placed her hooves on both their shoulders. "Come on you guys, wake up!"

Slowly, the two came around. "Uhhhrrrr..." Dan opened his eyes, groggily.

"Dan!" Chrys shouted, relieved. She placed her hooves on his shoulders, brushing off more cake. "Are you okay?"

"Yessss..." he answered.

Pinkie sobbed into her leg. "It's not a YESSSS any more... now it's just a Y... as in the phrase, WHYYYY?!!!!!!" she cried, dramatically turning her gaze upwards.

Shaking his head, Dan stood. "What I'd like to know is HOWWWW we landed. What happened?"

"You got hit by the crate when the train flipped. After we..."

Dan scratched his head. "Why was I just standing there? For that matter, why wasn't the crate bolted down?"

Getting smacked by the box must've caused him to forget about Chrys kissing him. "Um... I don't know," Chrys quickly said. "But I was able to create a shield and get us onto the ground!" she smiled, causing the trademark squee sound effect.

"TWILIGHT!" Pinkie screeched, grabbing her friend by the shoulders. "TWILIGHT!"

"Graaaauughhhaaa..." the purple mare's eyes slowly came into focus.

"Twilight, how many hooves am I holding up?!" Pinkie demanded, waving her foreleg in Twilight's face.

"Wuu... one..." Twilight answered.

"Phew... was afraid for a moment there. Good thing you got a strong noggin there, Twilight!"

"Stronger than the train car, anyway," Ozzy added, holding up the panel that knocked her out. "My train may have a lot of tricks but without the tracks... not so much."

The others turned their attention to the doorway. Dan stepped outside followed by Twilight. The view of how dire their situation was presented itself before them; the landscape was barren. A desert of flat beige-gold stretched out into the distance with no signs of civilization or even shade to indicate a worthwhile trek into the tan expanse. Apart from a cactus or dune, nothing broke the sea of sand in front of them.

"Looks like we've gone from dessert... to just desert!" Pinkie said, popping outside.

"Pinkie, you might want to get back inside. It could be dangerous out here," Twilight quickly cautioned her friend. The 'danger' she was referring to, however happened to be the young black-haired biped standing next to her. Dan was agitated by the situation; who wouldn't be? Twilight just tried to make sure Dan didn't take that agitation out on Pinkie.

"Dessert... wait...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!" Too late. Dan turned to Pinkie, fully prepared to vent his frustration on the zany mare.

Staring back at Dan like an animal cautiously eyeing a predator, Pinkie took a slow step back into the cabin. One step then turned into a dash as the magenta pony bolted in the cabin.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!! GET BACK HERE!!" Dan shouted, chasing after her. Twilight, Chrysalis and Ozzy practically had to jump to get out of the way.

"You two! This isn't the time for this!" Twilight shouted after them. Dan chased Pinkie through the train car from one end to the other. Pinkie ran out the front door and immediately ran left, Dan in hot pursuit. Pinkie then ran back around to the back end of the car as the furious biped followed her.

Thus began almost a full minute of cartoony circle chasing. The 'mulberry bush chase scenario' as its called(as of right now), played out with the other three trying to follow Pinkie and Dan with their heads each time they passed the rear of the car, each time in vain.

Twilight decided to intervene. "Enough!" she shouted. Stopping Pinkie and then Dan as he caught up to her with an energy shield, she levitated the two up to the car railing. She kept the two in an energy field to keep Pinkie from running off and Dan from strangling her.

"Dan, stop chasing Pinkie. It doesn't MATTER who's fault it is, you're not helping," Twilight scolded.

The young man folded his arms and turned away from both ponies.

"As for you," Twilight turned to Pinkie, "Stop acting so crazy about cake."

Pinkie's eyebrow rose. "You do know who you're talking to, right?"

"I DO," Twilight sternly affirmed. "You both need to calm down when these things happen. It's tough when accidents occur but when they do, we need to work together to get through them, not fight each other or try and go off on your own. Okay?"

"Okay..." the pair echoed. Relieved, Twilight released them from her spell-grip.

"Speaking o' which, if you all are quite done, I think I may have a solution to the problem," Ozzy said from inside the train car.


"Really? You can get us to Canterlot?" Chrys asked, hopeful. They all looked over to the mysterious griffon.

"Maybe. But first we have to get the car back on the tracks."

"And exactly how are we going to do that?" Dan asked, voice full of angry skepticism and doubt. "We're at the bottom of the mountain and the railroad's at the top."

"Not to mention," Twilight looked over the side of the car, "with all this sand, we wouldn't be able to get the wheels moving."

"What about the rocket boosters?" Pinkie asked.

Ozzy walked over to the side panel. "The rockets are charged by the wheels rolling on the tracks by spinning the motor and generating electricity. But if the wheels aren't spinning, the rockets won't charge. If we can't get the wheels turning, find some kind of traction, the boosters are useless."

"Wait... the cake!" Dan realized.

"NO!" Pinkie shouted. She braced herself against the remains of her box. "It's been through enough!"

"Pinkie..." Twilight cast a frown at her friend.

"Fine...." the pink mare sunk her head low, defeated.

"Go ahead, Dan."

"Pinkie, you said that cake had more strawberries per square pound than dough, right?" Dan asked.

"Yeah..."

"If that's the case, we might be able to use it to provide the wheels with some amount of traction."

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. "If there's no other way," she sadly remarked. "but how do we get the wheels moving? Should we get out and push?"

"I don't think any of us are strong enough to push or pull the car up the mountain, with muscle or magic," Twilight remarked. "If only my brother was here..."

"Or Big Macintosh. I bet he could pull it if he was here," Pinkie added, sitting down.

Dan's eyes lit up. "Maybe he can be."

"What?"

"Chrys, if you change into Big Macintosh, do you think you'll be able to pull the car?"

Chrys clicked her hooves together nervously. "I dunno. Maybe."

"It's worth a try," Dan said, stepping into the train car. "We'll tie you to the end of the fire hose on the floor and you can try to pull us. Pinkie, Twilight and- it's Ozzy, right?"

"Aye."

"Let's start breaking open these cakes and spreading them at the base of the wheels to get some traction. After that's done, we'll push the train along while Chrys pulls and steers from the front. We ready?"

"Ready!" the others declared. They had a plan, a good one. If they all worked together, just maybe they would succeed.

"All right. Let's re-rail this train!" Dan shouted.

Chrysalis shot a hoof into the air. "Cue the montage!"

Once in a while, things happen that you don't expect
Something out of the ordinary that you'd never suspect
Sometimes it's not your fault but nopony is perfect
But you can't avoid your problems no, 
you gotta be direct

Sometimes things happen that get in your way
But with some help from your friends, you can make it through the day
We've got to listen to each other and what we all have to say
It's not easy, I know,
But it'll be okayyyyyy!!

Somehow, we gotta get
Back on Track!
Find some way to get the way that things were back
All together now
let's get
Back on track!
Before the pressure makes us crack... we gotta get back on track!

How could it ever have come to this?
Did we do something wrong? Was it something that we missed?
How can we ever move forward if these problems persist?
Sometimes, we all need just a little assiiiiiiiiist

Not everything in our lives is always easy
At some point we all encounter difficulty
It's okay to ask for help and if you do, you'll see
You can accomplish any goal eventually!

Keep it going now!
Let's get
Back on track!
Find a way through each and every single setback!
All together now! Let's get
Back on track!
We can cover for each other if there's something we lack
C'mon, let's show 'em how!
Let's get
Back on track
Not a single step back... we're gonna get back on track!

If your progress starts to slowing
There's a way to get things flowing
It can be tough without knowing
but when your cracks are showing
You just gotta pick yourself up and get going!!

Everybody now, let's get
Back on Track!
We've got to find a way to get the way things were back!
Let's keep it going now, let's get
Back on Track!

One step after the other
push a button, pull a lever
We've got to help one another
We can do this if we work together!

One more time now, let's get
Back on Track!
If we work together, we can pick up the slack!
We got it going now, let's get
Back on Track!
There's nothing we can't do and that's a fact!
We're almost there now, let's get
Back on Track!
We won't let the pressure make us crack... one step at a time, we're gonna get back on track!!


Slowly but steadily, the group pulled the train car to through the sand. Chrysalis, having transformed into Big Mac pulled the train using the fire hose as a makeshift harness. With the others pushing, the car trudged through the strawberry-covered ground. When they finally got it up to the base of the mountain, Ozzy activated the train car's rockets, causing them to jet up the side. The sight of a caboose riding up the side of a cliff would've surprised quite few if the only individuals around hadn't been already inside it.

In no time at all, the train car rocketed up to level with the railway, shooting over the cliff and landing right on them. The wheels automatically realigned themselves with the tracks and the caboose was re-railed once again. They were on their way to Canterlot once more as if they'd never been derailed in the first place.

"We did it... I can't believe we did it!" Dan said, voice full of relief.

"We did!" Twilight agreed. "We should be able to get to Canterlot in no time if we keep up this speed!"

"Just as long as we don't go off the rails again," Chrys commented, steadying herself in the car.

"Won't be a problem," Ozzy said, clicking a switch on the panel by the door at the front. "We'll activate the boosters in small increments to keep our speed up and stay at a nice, easy pace."

"And we couldn't have done that in the first place because...?" Dan inquired, annoyed. But the mysterious griffon in glasses just smiled back at him, a glint of something in his shades.

"Dan," Twilight grabbed his shoulders with her hooves, "we don't have to worry about that now. We're on our way to Canterlot and everything's going to be fine."

Dan paused for a moment, frowning, thinking. "You're right. I guess everything turned out all right after all."

"Of course it did," Twilight happily affirmed, patting him. "We'll be at Canterlot in no time."

"Buck, at this rate, we'll catch up to the rest of the train before we get there," Ozzy remarked at their speed.

"What happens when we catch up to them?" Chrys asked, her gaze focused out the front door.

Ozzy batted the thought away. "Oh, they're probably in Canterlot already. Not much of a chance of us reaching them now."

"You're probably right," Chrys said gleefully. The group was then quiet as the train entered another tunnel. The fire from the rocket engines' occasional jet illuminated the passage. After a minute roaring through the darkness, the train exited the tunnel out to a flatter plain of the mountain. They were nearing Canterlot. Their gazes were focused through the doorway in front of the car in eager anticipation of their arrival to the castle city.

Pinkie frowned. "Hey guys?"

The others turned to her. "Yeah, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

"Does anyone else hear that? It sounds like another train."

Chrysalis looked out the back door. "Oh, that's probably because there's a train behind us."

"Ah," Pinkie said, understanding.

The group's eyes save for Pinkie and Chrys' went wide. "THERE'S A TRAIN BEHIND US?!"

Dan and Twilight scrambled to the back to see. Another locomotive was bearing down on them from the rear. Not just any locomotive; the very one pulling the train the car they were currently in had been attached to.

"That's the train we were on!" Pinkie shouted, pointing a hoof. The engine of the train was practically tailgating them. It would've been close enough to jump onto 

"What's it doing behind us?!!" Twilight asked, exasperated.

Ozzy pushed back his shades. "Calm down, looks like we'll just beat 'em to Canterlot, eh?"

"Sure..." Twilight said, calming herself. "We'll just roll into Canterlot Station and explain to them how the caboose wound up first. That'll be easy, right?"

Chrys patted her on the back. "Not at all."

The train behind them suddenly accelerated rapidly, slamming into the front. The caboose jumped forward as its wheels were temporarily lifted slightly before crashing down on the tracks.

The three mares, griffon and bipedal alien were thrown to the floor. "They just hit us! What the heck is going on?!" Dan yelled.

A loud voice from the train's engine answered him: "I didn't expect having to use this."

"Something's going on with the train!" Chrys pointed.

Behind the locomotive, the car attached to the engine deployed some kind of machine. Slowly, a large, two-winged butterfly-shaped robot took flight. The contraption hung in the air scant few meters above the train engine, tethered to the roof of the car it had rose from. Dan and the others watched as the metal thing bobbed like a kite in midair, sunlight reflecting off its huge mirror-like wings.

"You're very lucky."


"What... what is that?!" Dan asked the question that was on all their minds. While one might assume that when presented with such strange circumstances none of them would have an answer, this was not the case.

In fact, Twilight noticed Pinkie shying away from the doorway. "Pinkie..."

"I'm sorry! I had no idea this would happen!"

"What?" Dan asked. "What do you mean? What is that thing?!"

"Remember when I told you I installed a state-of-the-art security system to safeguard the train?"

"Yes..."

"Well, this is it," Pinkie said nervously.

"Where did you get something like that?!" Dan demanded, grabbing Pinkie by the shoulders.

The pink mare turned her gaze to the side. "Radio barn..." she admitted.

Dan raised an eyebrow as he watched the silver kite-like machine hovering over the engine behind them. "What does that thing even do?"

As if to answer Dan's question for itself, the contraption launched a flurry of arrows into the air. Before Dan and the others could even tell what they were, the arrows arced towards the train car and came down on its roof. Metal points the size of tree trunks pierced the ceiling, one even coming down to touch the floor.

"Woah!" Ozzy dodged one of the spears. Brushing himself off, he quickly flew to the back of the car. Grabbing the doorway, he poked his head outside. "Oi! What the bloody hay do you think you're doin' to mah train?!"

Not knowing what else to do or maybe acting out of pure rage, Dan picked up a splintered piece of wood off the floor and hurled it at the floating bug-like object. Not that it needed to, but the train's newest attachment simply hovered out of the way, gracefully dodging the flung debris as if it had just decided to change position.

"You know of any spells that can take that thing out?!" Dan asked Twilight.

"Umm, well, I could try, maybe-" Twilight stammered, then closed her eyes. Her horn glowed with power and she unleashed a bolt of magical energy. The released ray of magic bounced harmlessly off the strange machine's armor.

"It's no good!" Pinkie shouted. "Its armor is resistant to magic!"

"Step on the gas."

The train engine lurched forward again, slamming into the back of the car and jostling them.

"You crifting plonker!!" the griffon shouted, shaking his fist at the train engine and hovering monstrosity above it. The machine responded... with silence. Ozzy's comment seemed to have confused the pilot, as well as his fellow passengers behind him.

What did he just call him? Twilight looked to the Chrysalis and Dan to see they both had equally perplexed expressions.

"What did he just say?" Twilight asked Ozzy, trying to keep her voice audible but quiet.

"He called him a plonker! It's wot ya call a right foul git who's daft as nine bob note!" Pinkie explained, grinning.

Twilight quickly turned to Chrysalis and Dan. "What did she just say?" Neither of them had an answer.

The machine's wings flared out. A hook-like protrusion flared out from the bottom and it lunged at Ozzy's train car. The hook scraped the roof, peeling off a section of the ceiling like it was wrapping paper. The occupants were again tossed about as the car shook, helpless to do anything but watch as the giant iron insect tore at their only shelter. After one quick swoop, the machine retreated again.

The ceiling above the doorway had been ripped up but still Ozzy clung to the side of it. "Oi you prick! Why the buck are you assaulting my train?! Why don't you take that bloody butterfly and sod the hay off?!!"

"Ozzy, you're not helping!" Twilight shouted.

"I don't know how long the caboose is gonna last at this rate..." Chrysalis said, examining the walls and gaping hole overhead. The car had taken a lot of abuse, including being thrown off a cliff today.

"And where exactly are we going to go?" Dan asked. "The only other train's behind us and it's being driven by a guy that's trying to kill us!"

"Wait... that's it!" Chrys suddenly exclaimed.

"What's it?" Dan and Twilight asked simultaneously.

"Look! The passenger cars," Chrys pointed a hoof towards the train. "They're still connected to the engine!"

Twilight squinted to look around the locomotive. "They are... but what about them?"

"We can teleport back into the passenger car! He'll destroy this one and we can keep on riding to Canterlot!" the changling elaborated. As she spoke, the 'state-of-the-art defense system' launched another flurry of spears at the train. A pair struck the ground to the sides of the train while flew through the hole in the roof. Twilight tried to throw up a shield to stop it but the spear plunged through her barrier and struck the floor.

"That's a great idea," Dan started, "but how do we stop him from cutting the others off?"

That was the real problem. It was clear to Twilight and the others exactly what length Samule was willing to go to defend his train. But maybe there was a way to use that to their advantage.

"Easy," Twilight said, eyes narrowed. "We cut it off ourselves."

"What?" Dan and Pinkie asked, shocked.

"We can't abandon the other passengers still in the other cars. We have to disconnect the other cars and get those ponies to Canterlot," Twilight stated, resolute.

"How do we do that?"

Twilight closed her eyes. "We teleport." She reached out with her hooves and grabbed both Dan and Chrys. They held her hooves, forming a circle. Pinkie joined in, completing it.

"Ozzy!" Chrys shouted.

"Blooming tosser! Nothin' but mouth and trousers! Fly that thing closer so I can give your bells a good two in the nine's!"

"OZZY!" she shouted again.

"Oh, we doing something else?"

"Kinda," Pinkie said. "Escaping imminent destruction, not getting maimed, and all that."

"Oh, awright," Ozzy moved to join them in a circle.

Twilight's horn glowed again and in a flash, they vanished.

Samule liked to think of himself as good at his job, the best. Committed, nopony could argue that to his duty. What others saw as "excessive" or "insane" he saw as simply means to an end. It didn't matter as long as he kept his train safe. And to be honest, he was enjoying this. He knew there was something odd about those four. Some 'princess' with them... he didn't buy any of it. Now, he had them right where he wanted them and would finally show everypony that on the rails, his authority was law. Nopony bucked with the law.

From the cockpit of his security platform, he eyed his target. The caboose in front of him had taken a lot of damage but mostly to the topside. The wheels remained undamaged. This was good as it meant the car could be salvaged once he removed the meddlers.

Grinning, he pushed forward on the control stick in front of him. The hook-like prong again dug into the roof of the renegade caboose ahead, tearing what was left of the ceiling off. But instead of finding the delinquents cowering in the remains of their car, he saw nothing. He checked the visual sensor on his controls again but they were still nowhere to be seen. Had they jumped off when he hadn't looked?

"Oi! Back here ya bloody tosser!"

Samule's attention was drawn to the rear of the train. He turned his platform around to see the five standing on the roof of the passenger car adjacent to the engine, taunting him.

He smiled; this was too easy. Keying a command on the panel in front of him, he prepared to fire one last spear.

"Okay Twilight," Chrys asked nervously, "we've got his attention. What do we do now?"

"Well," Twilight replied, equal nervousness in her voice, "we wait for him to fire one of those arrow things... and then jump out of the way."

"Jump?" Dan asked. "Why don't we teleport? We can teleport, right?"

"Umm..." Twilight was about to tell him something he wouldn't like. And he knew it.

"Umm? What does 'ummm' mean? Pinkie, did you make another cake while we were busy fighting for our lives?" Dan demanded, asking the pink earth pony as he grabbed the purple alicorn.

"No?" Pinkie replied, confused.

"Then what do you mean, Twilight?!"

"I mean," Twilight averted his gaze, "we can't teleport again."

Dan gritted his teeth and shook his head from side to side in deep frustration. "WHY NOT???!!!" he moaned.

"I can teleport myself multiple times in a row but a group this size... takes a little longer before I can teleport us all again."

Releasing Twilight, Dan dropped to his knees and pounding the roof of the train car. "WHY?! WHY DOES TELEPORTING NEVER WORK WHEN WE NEED IT?!"

"Dan," Chrys poked him, "maybe now's not the best time for you to have a breakdown?"

"Right... right," Dan said, getting to his feet. "So, what are we supposed to do again?"

"DODGE!" Pinkie shouted.

The spear came down right at their feet, hooves and claws, the entire group lunging as the tree-sized arrow pierced the ceiling. It broke through the roof, gouging a hole in it as it stuck to the floor. Another spear stuck right next to it a moment later but the five were in no danger the second time. A third landed on the dirt at the side of the tracks, sticking in the ground as the train continued by.

"Okay, now jump down!" Twilight instructed. Dan, Pinkie, Chrys and Ozzy all leapt through the hole made by the two spikes, landing inside the passenger car.

"Hey... where are all the other passengers?" Chrys asked. They looked around. The other ponies were gone but some of their luggage was still nearby. The thought that they, too had been thrown off the train came to mind.

"We'll worry about them later! We've got another problem!" Pinkie shouted. "The spear-thingies didn't cut through the floor! We need something else!"

"If only we had that tasersaber..." Dan thought aloud.

That give Chrys an idea. "Dan!" she nudged him.

"What? What is it?" he asked.

Leaning in close, she whispered something into his ear.

"Really?" he asked. Chrys nodded.

"What is it?" Pinkie asked. Chrys then whispered her plan to Pinkie. Twilight raised an eyebrow. What were they talking about? Now, of all times?

"You have a way to disconnect the cars?" Ozzy asked. Pinkie then whispered the plan to Ozzy.

"Oh... well, tha's one way, I suppose."

"What are you talking about? Do you know how we can sever the cars?" Twilight asked.

The others grinned and nodded. "As a matter of fact, we do," Dan said. "Just so happens, there's a spell we can use."

"Really?" Twilight asked, a little too eager. "What spell is it? I can caste it; just tell me!"

"It's the simple knockback spell," Chrysalis explained. "It just needs to be used multiple times in a row. And a lot. Sort of... well, you could say..."

"Rapid fire!" Pinkie said, holding her hooves and making a gesture like a machine gun.

"Oh," Twilight said, understanding but not fully realizing. "Oh..." she repeated once she'd realized.

Dan's grin grew a bit wider. "Twilight, there's a LOT I don't know about magic. But this..."

Twilight swallowed. "This is gonna hurt you a lot more than me?" she asked, thinking it was going to finish his sentence.

Dan shook his head. "No, I don't know if this is gonna hurt or not. I was saying, this is going to be really fun," he smiled quite possibly the largest smile Twilight had ever seen him express.

The purple princess swallowed again, lowered her head and pressed her legs together.

Samule was beginning to get annoyed. Were they trying to get him to destroy his own train? Well, he was a bit too smart for that. Instead of attacking again, he lowered the platform's position over the hole the meddlers had jumped down to see what they were up to. What he saw... was even more confusing.

"WAHAHAHAHA!" Dan laughed. Grabbing Twilight by legs and tail, he hoisted her to his chest and cocked her... somehow. Yanking her tail, Twilight's muscles reacted, deploying her wings to form a shield for Dan's face.

Twilight, being held by Dan, turned around for a moment. "How did you know to do that?" she asked, wondering herself.

Dan shrugged. "Pinkie says you come with a manual."

Twirling her tail, Dan used Twilight as a fully-automatic rifle. Spell bolts blasted from her horn, piercing the floor where he aimed her.

"AH HA HA HAHA!" Dan cackled.

Pinkie clapped her hooves. "Me next! Me next!"

Pieces of wood and metal flew up from the floor as magic blasted holes in the car's hull. Dan swept Twilight's fire up the sides of the walls.

"I been workin' on the railroad~ all the live-long day!" Dan began to sing. Smoke began rising from the alicorn's horn as the spells continued to puncture the walls. Twilight's wings protected Dan's face from the bits of debris flung up from the work.

Ozzy tipped down his shades. "Bloody hay..."

Finally, their work was done. Pulling Twilight up, Dan blew the smoke from Twilight's horn, making the distinct noise of air rushing over the barrel of a gun. Dan then placed his leg on the floor where he'd blasted a hole and pushed. The cars separated; the two spikes slowly fell off to the side and the engine began to race away from the passenger car.

"You know," Dan said, letting Twilight down, "I think we may have just... shot our traveling plans to pieces."

The group behind him collectively facehooved.

"One thing, though," Ozzy asked. "What's gonna happen to the rest of mai train?"

Back in the cockpit of the defense platform, Samule found himself with a strange sight. The perpetrators had apparently taken it upon themselves to disconnect the train from the rest of the cars, thereby rendering themselves unable to travel. They'd literally just done his job for him... but why? Turning the platform around, he decided he'd make a note of this for later when he discussed it with his superiors at the Equestrian Rail Administration. They'd probably promote him for this.

He turned his attention back to the train. It was just then he noticed another tunnel coming up. He quickly realized that the platform, while flying wouldn't make the clearance for the tunnel. Acting fast, he reached for the emergency brake in his cockpit with his hoof. He opened the panel however to find... a cake. His eyes went wide.

Dan and the others watched from a safe distance as the train engine rolled down the tracks towards the tunnel.

"There are no brakes... only cakes..." Pinkie whispered to herself. The locomotive raced into the tunnel with the bug-like defense system still attached to it. Its wingspan didn't fit the tunnels entrance; as the system was pulled inside by the train, the wings snapped off like twigs. The small platform's cockpit bounced along the rails, still connected to the engine's roof by the tether with Samule L. Jackson being bounced around the inside like a ragdoll. This entire process lasted about three whole seconds before the train exploded.

The five passengers at the front of the two cars had to brace themselves. The explosion from the tunnel directly ahead of them collapsed the entrance and sent shockwaves through the ground. But they were at a safe enough distance that none of them were hurt when the train exploded and slowly, their own car came to a stop just before the train tunnel.

Ozzy removed his glasses. "Well... I'm gonna miss my train. But if she had to go... Om glad it was a massive esplosion. It's they way she'd have wanted it."

"Yeah..." Dan said, apathetic. "So, how are we going to get to Canterlot now?"

Twilight put a hoof on Dan's shoulder. "I think we're going to have to walk."

Dan smiled. "That sounds pretty good."

"Yeah," Ozzy agreed, stretching. "Don worry about the other passengers; I'll reverse the cars, get 'em back to Ponyville and apologize for the inconvenience. They'll be right as rain by tomorrow."

"Thanks Ozzy," Chrys said. It was nice knowing that at least one of the two strangers they'd met on this trip was a nice guy even if they were both crazy. Together, the biped and three ponies disembarked the train car. As the two passenger cars started to pull away, heading back to Ponyville powered by rockets, Dan and the others waved at their new friend Ozzy Osbarn.

One thing was bothering Twilight though. "Ozzy!" she called.

"Wot is it luv?"

"When we found you," she shouted, "what were you doing at the back of the train?"

Ozzy grinned. "It's like I told ya; I stepped outside for some air... and a slice of Pinkie's cake!"

Pinkie's jaw hit the floor. "WHAAAT?!! YOU SNUCK A PIECE OF MY CAKE?!!" she yelled at him.

Ozzy cupped his beak and yelled back, "YESSSSS!"

Pinkie broke down to her knees. "WHYYYYYYY!!!!!!"

The others didn't say anything to her; just helped her up carefully and together they set out, following the train tracks to Canterlot. It took them about an hour and a half, walking around the mountain but eventually they made their way to the castle city as the sun set.

Dan marveled at the castle; he'd seen the city before but seeing it at a distance, it was like he was looking at it for the first time. "Wow... why don't we come here more often?"

He didn't realize the implications of what he'd just said so Pinkie had to point it out to him. "The train ride's a bit of a hassle."

Dan nodded in agreement. "Good point."

Chrysalis' eyes were wide as she stared at the castle. "It's been a long time since I was here."

Twilight placed a hoof on her shoulder, knowing exactly what she was remembering. "I know. But I hope this time will be a bit more enjoyable," she said, trying to encourage some hopefulness.

But Twilight didn't need to encourage anything. Chrysalis smiled and said, "I believe it will be. Getting here might've been a challenge... but the company definitely makes it worth it."

Twilight smiled back; she couldn't agree more.


Next time on an all new Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship...

"We finally made it!"

"At last. Now we can... wait, what's that?"

"All visitors to the castle must pass by security checkpoint."


Dan and the gang arrive in Canterlot to find the entire city on high alert!

"I've never seen so many guards before..."

"I know! It's like days ah vu!"

"That's deja vu, Pinkie."

"Deja who?"

"VU!"

"Well, I'm sure they'll be willing to make an exception for-"

"HALT!"


But don't let security Danpen your enthusiasm!

"Sir, I'm sorry but you've been selected for random screening."

"What does that even mean?!"

"I'm gonna have to ask you to step over to the side, sir."


Because getting in is only half the battle...


"Seriously?! This is your plan?!"

"You got any better ideas, Dan?"

"That depends; are you trying to get us over the wall or are you TRYING TO GET US ALL KILLED?!"


Next episode: Dan Vs. A Canterlot Lockdown! Get ready to storm the gates!


"Do you have any baggage to declare?"

"Emotional, physical or magical friendship ponical?"


Next Saturday on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!


"Is this the line for the raffle?"


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