Shining Armor and Cadance found themselves staring at a very large box that had been deposited in front of the Crystal Empire’s throne. Attached was a letter addressed to Cadance. The letter flew over to her and unfurled.
To my dearest niece,
I know how much you love spending time with your aunt Luna, so I suggested that she pay you a visit. Enclosed is a gift for you and Shining Armor. I hope you enjoy it.
Love,
Princess Celestia
Suddenly, the box burst open. Luna came flying out and made a loud gasping sound. “AIR! GLORIOUS AIR!” she exclaimed.
Shining Armor and Cadance stared in shock at the appearance of their new visitor. Many questions ran through their minds, but none were given answers as Luna swiftly turned to address them. "Fair niece and nephew, I have arrived at your beckoning!"
Cadance replied with the most sensible answer she could think of. "What?!"
Luna landed and approached the throne. As she spoke, her tone steadily grew more foreboding with each new word. "Sister has informed me of the many concerns the two of you have been dealing with in regards to your recent inheritance of the Crystal Empire, and that you had been too shy to request my assistance.” – an exuberant smile grew on her face – “Fear not, for I have arrived with a detailed list of every woe that is to be addressed, and I shall not leave until your problems have been vanquished!"
The couple replied in unison with the only thing that came to mind. "What?!"
Luna’s horn lit with magic as a thick scroll floated out of the box. She promptly began to read from it, her tone no less serious than before. "Item one, Shining Armor is experiencing difficulty in attending to the needs of his wife." Luna paused briefly as her smile shifted. Something about it had suddenly become more worrisome to the couple. Luna continued with complete confidence. "Tis a good thing that Sister recommended I bring my collection of marital enhancement implements. Did you know I was originally in charge of blessing couples with such items for their marital consummation? Romance was once my purview, and once more shall I don the robes of my ancient duty to aid thee in thy time of need!"
Cadance attempted to protest. "Luna, that's very generous of you-"
The protest was cut short by Luna’s sudden outburst. "Indeed it is!” She approached Shining Armor and placed a hoof on his shoulder. “Now, Shining Armor, let us begin with some instruction of proper techniques. You should probably remove your armor for this part, by the way."
Shining turned to Cadance with a deadpan expression. "You made Celestia angry didn't you?"
Luna shouted once more, her voice was climbing towards a dangerous volume. "Nay! You must begin with soothing words, not meaningless chatter! Now, we should probably requisition a bed chamber, unless public seduction has come back in style." The guards stationed around the room did their best to hide their amusement. It was a noble attempt, even if it did not last more than a few moments.
Dear Auntie Celestia,
I am so sorry for whatever made you do this. Please take her back! I had no idea Luna was such a tactless pervert. She keeps insisting on watching me and Shining when we try to make love so she can offer advice. I’m starting to worry that Shining might be enjoying it.
Love and fearful respect,
Cadance
P.S. I don’t know what she thinks she’s going to do with those things she brought with her, but they are not coming anywhere near me! Seriously, one of them moves on its own! Your sister is really creepy.