Princess Luna carefully regarded Professor Pony even as she let the glamour slip away from her and Big Macintosh. “How is it you were able to pierce my illusion?”
“Well, your highness, let’s just say that in my studies of Draconequusian magic I’ve come across a few spells that aren’t available to most unicorns. The one I used to see through your illusion is something I call The Absolute Truth until It Hurts Incantation. With it I get purely random glimpses into the reality of what lies beyond normal sight.”
“Randomness is hardly an effective means of casting magic,” the alicorn replied. “It negates control in favor of power, and that can have ill effects.”
“Ah… But don’t you see? That’s the whole basis of a Draconequus. Chaos as a balance to order. Harmony is unachievable within a closed magical system without a counter-intuitive force. If you do not understand what chaos is, then you have no concept of harmony.” The scholar looked at Big Mac. “You’re an intelligent pony. I’m certain you see what I’m getting at, don’t you?”
“Nnnope.”
The Professor’s ears drooped in momentary defeat. “It’s amazing how little cognitive intellect exists in the world today,” he muttered to himself. “How so like your sister you are.”
Big Mac pursed his lips together. “Ya know Applejack?”
The chocolate-furred pony looked around guiltily as if caught with his hoof in the cookie jar. “Uh… Did I say anything about knowing Applejack?” He smiled nervously.
The farmer went muzzle to muzzle with the scholar. “Eeeyup.”
There was something distinctly wrong with this pony. Macintosh could feel it. He seemed real enough, but there was something about his manner that felt like a puzzle with pieces missing. No. On second thought the pieces were not missing… They were hidden.
“Y’all ain’t what ya look ta be… Are ya?”
“My dear, young stallion… Of course I am who I say I am. What pony else would I possibly be? And even if I were, as you seem to think, somepony else, why would I need to hide who I am?”
“Ah don’t know.”
“Ah Ha! The three words that point the way to knowledge! You know, maybe you are smarter than you seem at first. Of course it could also be that insufferable honest streak that runs so deep in your family line.” The unicorn looked at Big Mac. “So how does one balance honesty with self-delusion? Is this love story of a Princess and a Plow Pony the stuff of fantasy or reality?”
“It’s real enough fer me.”
“As I suspected… illusion wins out over the cold, harsh grip of reality every time.” He turned and leaned against the statue of Discord, looking at Luna. “And what about you, princess. Is your love for this ordinary dirt farmer strong enough to hide the reality of the inevitable? Oh sure, you love him today when he’s young, and strong and viral. But will you still love him when he’s wearing dentures and has an artificial hip? Are you ready to be ‘saddled’ with this old geezer even as you remain young and beautiful?”
Without warning the unicorn’s horn flashed. There was a sound like the snapping of fingers and Macintosh aged sixty five years in an instant. His red-fur faded to a dull pinkish-gray. His mane and tail became a wispy gray-white. His legs shook with the effort needed just to stand still. “Don’t you see you’d be tying yourself down to a bag of bones?”
“REMOVE THY SPELL FROM HIM THIS INSTANT OR FACE MY WRATH!” Princess Luna ordered using her Royal Canterlot voice. Other ponies within the garden stared at the Princess and began to shy away, even as several members of the Night Guard who had been keeping their distance quickly moved to the alicorn’s side.
“Alright, alright already!” Professor Pony said, his horn flashing once more. “I was just trying to illustrate a point.”
Big Mac vanished for a split second, only to reappear as a gawky pre-adolescent foal.
“Ooopsie! I took a little too much off the top, didn’t I?” Once more the unicorn’s horn glowed and there was a snapping sound. An instant later Macintosh was back to normal, though if one were to look the farmer in the eyes they see more than a little repressed anger bubbling just under the surface. Outwardly, he forced himself to remain calm.
“There you go, your highness. One perfectly aged pony, as ordered.”
One of Luna’s more experienced Night Guards came up behind the princess. “Who is this pony, and how can he do age spells so easily?
“We could always find out,” Luna replied. She focused on the unicorn in front of her. Her horn began to glow with a silvery white luminance that spread to encompass Professor Pony. The radiance faded and Big Mac lowered the hoof he’d been using to shield his eyes. The scholarly unicorn remained unchanged except for his eyes. The gray pupils had turned bright red and were mounted on a pair of yellow-gold sclera. His right pupil was twice the size of the left and his eyebrows, which had been black before, had turned a fuzzy white.
“Oh… Look what you’ve done,” the scholar said, whipping out a pair of sunglasses which he quickly dropped across his face. “Now you’ve spoiled the surprise.”
“DISCORD!” Luna responded upon seeing the change in the unicorn’s eyes.
“In the fur as it were.” He smiled “I hope you like the look. I’ve been working on it for months, developing the musculature, refining the color patterns. It’s not all that easy to force chaos into a default form that is so… orderly in appearance, but practice makes perfect. The only REALLY hard part is the eyes I have a hard time keeping them from shifting back to normal when I’m tired or someone casts a spell intended to see through my disguise.” He chuckled in a bemused way. “I guess it’s true what they say. The eyes ARE the windows to the soul.”
“Why art thou…? I mean, why are you prancing around like an ordinary pony?” the alicorn asked.
Discord let out a small sigh of boredom. “Your dear sister wanted me to mingle more with commoners. You know, get to know the hoi-polloi, learn all about their lives… maybe even make some new friends. She thought it would broaden my understanding and respect for pony-kind.”
“And this is how you show respect to others… by using your magic on them?”
“My dear Princess…” Discord replied, sauntering up to Luna. “You know I’ve promised to use my magic to help rather than hurt. I am merely using it to test the veracity of others, aiding them to confront truths and face up to their own weaknesses and fears. Any transformative magic I use has a self-imposed time limit of sixty seconds. Just long enough to get honest responses from some and force others to reevaluate their own self-delusional ideas.” The brown-furred unicorn reached up with his right fore-hoof and gently patted Luna twice on the face, smiling as he did so. “Your paramour would have returned to his full glory without any further intervention on my part.” He turned to face Big Mac once more. “Think of it as a new spin on the old Socratic method.”
WHAM!
The next thing anypony knew, Discord was describing a high, parabolic arc through the night sky. Reaching the apex of his flight, he rapidly descended back into the garden, landing in a hedge not far from his launching point. All eyes suddenly fixed themselves on Big Mac. The red-furred stallion had spun around and bucked the were-draconequus so quickly no pony had seen it coming, not even Discord. Mac was literally blowing steam from his nostrils.
“And y’all can consider THAT a new spin on showing proper respect ta ma special somepony.” He turned back to look at Luna. The guards surrounding her were staring at him open-mouthed. She on the other hand had a somewhat subdued smile which she was trying to daintily hide behind a hoof. Seeing it, the stallion couldn’t suppress a grin of his own. “Y’all promised ta show me the statue o’ Starswirl before we left. Now might be a good time.” The two ponies paced away as a dazed Discord tried to extricate himself from the hedge.
They’d taken only about two dozen steps when Luna noticed that Mac was beginning to limp and was favoring his back left leg. “Are you alright?” she asked, concern in her voice.
“Uh… that depends on what ya define as all right,” he replied, his voice thick with pain.
Luna stopped him and began to examine his back leg with her magic. She could literally feel his fetlock beginning to swell even as he lifted it from the ground to keep pressure off it. “I think you may have cracked your foot.”
“Eeeyup!”
A voice behind them caused the two ponies to turn.
“You bucked me!”
Luna and Big Mac looked up to see Discord, once more in his draconequus form towering over them.
“YOU BUCKED ME!” Discord repeated, glowering dangerously at the two ponies. “In almost two thousand years no one… NO PONY has EVER assaulted me physically. But YOU… YOU… you FARMER… BUCKED ME INTO A HEDGE!”
Macintosh moved to put himself between the irate Discord and Princess Luna even as her Night Guards raced to intervene. The draconequus glanced over one shoulder and with a snap of his fingers they were all suddenly transformed into foals, their armor scattered about uselessly. He turned back to confront the stallion.
‘Ya make one move ta harm the princess, and Ah’ll buck ya clear to Manehatten!”
“You would… REALLY,” Discord laughed wickedly.
“Eeeyup!”
“You definitely have some nerve, threatening me that way, with no magic to back it up… The expression on the draconequus’ face abruptly changed and he smiled warmly. I LIKE it!” There was a bright flash and Discord once more assumed the form of Professor Pony, though he retained his eyes.
“You know, all things considered I deserved that hoof in the face… and for some reason, it felt good, somewhat cleansing if you will.”
“It did?” Luna asked, rather confused by and wary of Discord’s change of tact.
“Yes… I admit, I haven’t been all that kind to Sir Macintosh and his family in past meetings, but maybe this can serve to clear the air between us.” He looked at the stallion and reached out with his right foreleg. “I hope you can consider starting over with me.”
Big Mac stared at Professor Pony long and hard, trying to judge the unicorn’s sincerity. As he considered the offer there were a series of bright flashes. Luna’s Night Guard were restored to their normal forms, though they were minus their armor which still lay scattered around the garden. The farmer tried to gage Discord’s honesty. Something inside made him feel as if the offer was genuine, but that he should still cut the cards.
The red-furred stallion tentatively reached out and shook the unicorn’s hoof. Professor Pony beamed in satisfaction. “I promise from now on you can trust me as far as you can buck me, which is rather considerable when you think about it.”
“Eeeyup.” Mac agreed.
“Come on,” Princess Luna urged gently. “Let’s go into the castle and have our doctor take a look at your hoof.”
“Your hoof?” Discord asked. “What’s wrong with it?
“Nothin’ Ah didn’t do ta myself,” Macintosh said as he started taking a series of slow, limping steps. “Doctor told me this mornin’ ta take it easy and Ah forgot.”
Discord’s horn flared briefly and the farmer suddenly found himself enveloped by a cloud that rolled him on his back and suspended him a foot off the ground. At the same time a doctor’s reflector appeared on the unicorn’s head along with a stethoscope around his neck.
“The first thing we need to do is keep you off your hooves. No sense making things worse.” The draconequus placed the stethoscope to Mac’s foot and listened. “So… how’d you hurt yourself?”
“Y’all got a hard head.”
Discord looked at him and chuckled. “Not surprising.” He moved the stethoscope around the farmer’s foot several times, then up his leg.”
“I don’t think you’re supposed to use it like that.” Luna observed.
“With all due respect, your highness, who exactly isn’t the doctor here?” Stepping back he concentrated for a moment and then his horn flashed once more.
The pain in Macintosh’s leg vanished instantly as did the inflammation. Moreover, both legs suddenly appeared to be more fleshed out and solid. “That should do it,” the draconequus said. “Just make sure you see your own Doctor tomorrow, so he can check my work and be thoroughly confused as to your impossible recovery,” Discord grinned. With that, both he and the cloud vanished, gently dropping Big Mac back on his hooves.
The pony flexed his legs several times and smiled. “Ya know, he ain’t such a bad fella, once ya get ta buck him.”
**********
“So what did you do next?” Celestia asked her sister as she sipped on her morning tea. Breakfast and Supper were the two meals the alicorn sisters took together, their schedules being so different.
“Well, we strolled around the gardens for a while and found this lovely, private place to sit and talk…”
“And cuddle,” the Sun Princess said, a smile gracing her lips.
Luna’s face turned a little red at her sister’s comment. “Tia… what sort of pony do you think I am?” she protested.
“One who’s heart over hooves in love,” she responded.
Luna sighed dreamily. “Yes, I suppose I am. Anyway, after that I had the Night Guard break out a sky chariot and fly Macintosh home.” She yawned, and stretched. “You know…I think I’ll turn in a little early this morning.” Luna rose from the breakfast table and strolled to the door, her hips swaying just a little more than usual, almost as if she were practicing for somepony.
“Pleasant dreams, Lulu,” said Celestia, smiling as her sister left. “Oh, and that reminds me. Before you go to sleep, could you please cast a cone of silence around your bed, just in case you have another of your erotic dreams like the one yesterday? It tends to make the guards all hot and bothered when you moan in your sleep the way you do.”
**********
By the time Big Mac arrived at Sweet Apple Acres there was a faint glow in the eastern horizon. He hadn’t originally intended to be up all night, but that was before his impromptu visit to Canterlot. Yawning, he paced up onto the front porch and went inside the farmhouse. Granny Smith was in the kitchen mixing batter in a very large bowl for flapjacks. Behind her their new cook, Funnel Cake, was busy baking apples, making coffee and heating the griddle for Granny. The elderly Apple looked up as her grandson came into the house.
“Wipe yer hooves, young ‘un before ya track mud all over ma nice clean rugs.”
“Already done, Granny,” Big Mac replied. “Is Applejack awake yet?”
“She’s in the livin’ room. Been waitin’ up fer ya all night. Don’t think the dear’s gotten a lick of sleep, lessin she were usin’ ma rocker.”
The stallion tip-toed into the living room and peeked around the bookcase. Sure enough, Applejack was there alright, snoring without a care in the world as she sat in the old rocking chair. On her lap was a worn, birch riding crop that Mac remembered his father using from time to time to get his foals back on the straight and narrow after they’d strayed. He raised his eyebrows, wondering what his sister was doing with it. Treading carefully across the room, he gently relieved Applejack of the crop and silently draped a saddle blanket across her.
When he walked into the kitchen Granny immediately put him to work getting down plates, cups, bowls and silverware and taking it out to the long table set up next to the farmhouse. He spread out the large red and white checkered tablecloth and enough place settings for himself, Applejack, Applebloom, Granny and the twelve farmhands. Funnel Cake usually ate inside nibbling on her own breakfast while fixing food for everypony else. The cool morning breeze ruffled his mane and he smiled. He decided that if the doctor approved of Discord’s healing magic, he’d use today to get started laying out the foundation for their new bunkhouse. He could see lights blink on in the tent the farmhands were using as one by one they began stirring.
Once the place settings were distributed, Big Mac helped bring the food out and set it round the table. He then went up to the porch and began ringing a large triangle. “YEEHA! ALRIGHT EVERYPONY, ROLL OFF YER COTS AND GRAB YER SOCKS! CHOWS ON! COME ON AND GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT! THERE’S WORK TA BE DONE AND WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!”
He continued to ring the triangle for a solid minute before hanging the beater back on a hook on the wall. Trotting down to the table he was joined by the rest of his family and the twelve farmhands. Applejack looked like she was half asleep, but perked right up after taking a couple of sips of coffee. Applebloom however was a bundle of energy having had a good night’s sleep.
“So what did you and Luna do all night last night?” the little filly asked. She was rewarded by a not too subtle kick under the table from Applejack. A couple of farm ponies looked up at the mention of the Princess’ name.
Trying to keep things as casual as possible Big Mac smiled. “She and Ah just wandered around town lookin’ at the sights before she had ta go home.”
“But y’all were out all night… weren’t ya? OW!” Applebloom glared at her older sister who glared right back and made a zipper movement across her mouth with her hoof. The young filly suddenly understanding that the topic was off limits, especially in front of the hired help. Unfortunately, the comments had already stirred up some interest.
A medium sized pony with brown and beige fur and a black mane and tail chuckled. “Big Macintosh Apple… on a date with some filly? That’s hard to believe.”
“Come on Ponderosa… Why not? He’s just as much a stallion as the next colt.”
“Why not? Because,” the pony said, “Mac’s already got a lady in his life. She’s called Sweet Apple Acres and he’s too much of work pony to ever give that gal up.”
Several of the harvesters chuckled along with Ponderosa.
“Still… It’s kinda interesting that he takes up with some gal named Luna not six weeks after saving the Princess herself.”
“What exactly are you saying, Barnstormer. That old Mac here and the Princess are dating?” That elicited another round of chuckles from the farmhands.
The stallion pushed his annoyance aside and smiled. “Ah don’t recall ever tellin any of y’all anythin like that,” Big Mac said, trying to defuse the conversation..
“Don’t you young ‘uns have anything else ta do other than flappin yer jaws,” chided Granny Smith. “As I recall yer all on fumigation duty this morning. So the sooner ya finish breakfast, the sooner y’all can get after them bark beetles over on the hillside.” She turned and looked at her grandson. “Ain’t that right?”
“Eeeyup,” the apple farmer replied. He didn’t miss Granny’s sly little wink at him when no pony else was looking.
The conversation quickly turned to bark beetles and apple bucking for the rest of the meal. Once they finished eating, Ponderosa led the other workers up to the barn where they collected their fumigation gear and headed off to the orchards. Applebloom set about clearing the dishes and taking them into the kitchen where she helped Funnel Cake wash and dry them before grabbing her school bags, getting hugs and kisses from her family, and then galloping out the door.
As they watched the youngest Apple gallop up the road, Applejack tapped her brother on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow her. She led them behind the toolshed and after checking to make sure no pony was listening she lit into her brother.
“Just where the hay did y’all go last night?”
“Uh… Canterlot.”
“CANTERLOT? Y’all went off ta CANTERLOT without sayin’ a word ta me or Granny?”
“Well… Ah didn’t exactly plan ta go. The Princess knew about this all night café she wanted ta show me and before Ah knew it, she’d teleported us and we were standin in front o’ it in Canterlot.”
“Okay… So y’all went out fer a quick dessert and tea. Fine, but what kept y’all out all night?”
“Well, after hanging out at Pony Joe’s she showed me the Canterlot Gardens and we got ta talking and one thing just led ta another and before we knew it, it were almost morning.”
“So nothin’ too personal happened tween ya and the Princess?”
“Nnnope.”
“Good. Ah’m glad ya have the sense not ta get too comfortable with each other.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that ya ain’t causin any kind o’ royal scandal.”
“Since when is ma datin’ the Princess any kind o’ scandal?” Macintosh said irritably. “Don’t y’all think Ah’m good enough for a Princess?”
“Of course y’all are. Yer not only better than most, yer almost too good for her!”
Big Mac’s mouth dropped open. “Are y’all sayin that she’s not good enough for me?”
“No… Ah’m saying yer ma brother and I worry about ya being happy. Farmin’ has always been somethin’ that makes ya happy, but if ya get together with Princess Luna, ya may not be able ta work the farm anymore, and that might make ya unhappy.” Applejack paused and looked into her brother’s eyes. “Ah just want ya to know what y’all could be getting’ inta.”
“Do ya honestly think Ah haven’t thought about this, Applejack. Do ya think Ah’m just some dumb hick farmer who cain’t figure things out fer himself?”
“No… Y’all are not. What ya are is a pony heart over hoofs in love with his dream filly, and she’s in love with you. Ah just don’t want ya ta forget about us… Yer family.” There was a very long pause as the stallion and young mare looked at each other.
“Yer jealous,” Big Mac said quietly. “Yer actually jealous o’ Luna.”
“AH AM NOT!” Applejack yelled a little too forcefully.
The red-furred stallion looked at his sister and slowly shook his head. “Ya know what… Right now this conversation is gettin’ a little too intense and Ah’m too tired to follow ma own thoughts, let alone yers.” He turned and started walking slowly back to the farmhouse.
“Where are Y’ALL goin?”
“Back ta the house ta take a nap. If ya want ta talk more, we can do it later.”
Applejack watched as her brother slowly paced towards the house. “AH AIN’T JEALOUS,” she called after him. She watched as he disappeared around the front porch. “Ah ain’t jealous,” she repeated to herself. The palomino pony looked down into a rain barrel next to the shed, gazing at her own reflection.
“Am Ah?”