Canterlot Castle, one day later
“I see.” said Celestia, calmly. “And then what happened?”
“Why, we went for milkshakes, of course!” said Discord. He draped an unwelcome eagle claw over Twilight's neck. “Twilight was paying, after all, so why not?”
“And that notebook?” asked Celestia.
“Oh, three little fillies have it.” said Discord. “Incidentally, if anyone takes it away from them, it'll find its way back within a day or two. I intended that to be used, and as frequently as possible.”
“Have you got any idea,” said Twilight, crossly, “of the economic ramifications of such a notebook existing?”
“Oh, of course I do.” grinned Discord. “If abused, it could send the economy into total chaos. Isn't it marvellous? Besides, after those delightful fillies persuaded me to shelve Celestia's cake plans, I had to do something.”
Twilight sighed, and mentally catalogued the Crusaders' Notebook in her 'to deal with later' list. “Anyway,” she said to Celestia, “we talked a bit over the milkshakes, and I think we've got a plan to prevent Discord from getting bored. We'd need to talk it over with you before we start on it -”
“No, we don't.” said Discord, lazily swimming(1) through the air. “I can do all the heavy lifting, you've got the princessly authority... we could set this up ourselves. Hey, if I take your shape for, oh, say, half an hour, I could probably do it all myself.”
“Discord! We talked about this! We are running this by the Princess before we do anything! I mean, Celestia! We are running this by Princess Celestia! And you are not going to take my shape?”
With a pop, Discord changed to an exact clone of Twilight. “Eh, you're right.” he said, looking over his new body. “It's not very flattering, is it?”
“DISCORD!” yelled Twilight.
“That's my name, yes.” asked Discord, reverting to his more usual shape.
Celestia cleared her throat. “Twilight?” she said. “You had an idea to prevent Discord getting bored?”
“Oh, yes, Princess. See, I thought about this last week, and this is what I came up with...”
* * *
Two weeks later
“Ah, good morning.” said Rarity, stepping into the small, cramped Manehatten office. “Principal... Black Board, was it?”
“Yes, ma'am?” asked the earth pony behind the desk.
“I'm here as a representative of the Academy for Creative Thought.” said Rarity. “You may not have heard about it, the Academy only opens next month. It's a brand-new initiative by Princess Sparkle.”
Black Board's eyes narrowed. No doubt, they were about to try to skim off the cream of his students – the ones who sat quietly in class, caused no trouble, and consistently scored high marks. He quietly swore that he would not be left with only the troublemakers again, royal charter or not.
“In short,” said Rarity, “we're looking for troublesome students. The sort of students who leave their teachers awake at night, wondering what they'll do next. The sort of student who would build a trebuchet in their spare time, and then use it near, or possibly in, the school buildings. The sort who will cheat in a test, regardless of what actual scores they achieve.”
Black Board stared at Rarity for a long moment, then asked “You... want the troublemakers?”
“Only the imaginative ones, dear. Not mindless bullies. But yes, we want to extend our offer to attend the Academy to certain... troublesome students. Students with – unusual minds. Strange logics. Perhaps you would be willing to help us find a few to fit our criteria?”
* * *
Canterlot, one month later
“Good morning everypony! My name is DiScOrD, and I will be your teacher at this Academy.”
Discord looked over his classroom, with a wide grin. The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat in the front, surrounded by a number of other colts and fillies; pegasi, unicorns, earth ponies, crystal ponies, negasi, griffins, a buffalo, even a single nervous changeling sat at the desks scattered(2) around the room.
“And I,” continued Discord, “will be teaching you the most important lessons you will ever learn – how to get what you want.” He placed lion paw and eagle claw on the table, and leaned over it. “Ponies want for all sorts of things.” he said. “Money. Power. Fame. Food. Friends. Whatever you want, I am going to teach you how to find it.(3)”
He stepped out from behind the desk. “At this point, it's sort of traditional for me to provide a list of rules. But you know what? There aren't any. Class starts when I say it does, and you will be in your seats when it does. Class finishes when I say it does.”
Sweetie Belle raised a hoof.
“If you ever want to ask a question,” continued Discord, “just interrupt me. I'm not going to stop for just a raised hoof. Now, on to -”
“Mister Discord sir!” said Sweetie Belle. “How are we s'posed to get to class in time if we don't know when class starts?”
“Excellent question! And the answer is, that's my problem.” Discord snapped his fingers, and suddenly all the colts and fillies were in different seats. “Trust me,” he said, “you'll be here. Now, on to gold stars!”
Discord opened a drawer in his desk, and pulled out a small, brightly glowing object. “This,” he said, “is a gold star. And today may very well be the last day that any of you ever see one. You can earn a gold star, by surprising me.” He leaned his lion paw on the desk and tossed the star up and down in his eagle claw. “You can't steal them, you can't trade them, you can't take them. The only way to get one of these is to do something that I genuinely don't expect. I'm warning you, it's not easy. Now, why would you want a star? There are various reasons.”
He used his tail to tug down a picture of the Element-Bearers, standing together with the Princesses. “You can trade in one Star,” he said, “for a day with any one of these ponies, and you can spend it wherever you want. Ever wanted to go bowling with Princess Celestia? With one star, you can.”
“Ooooh!” said Sweetie Belle, softly. “If I get a star I can get my sister to go ice skating with me!”
“For two stars,” said Discord, tugging down a second image, this one of his own smiling face, “you can trade them in for – a gift. The exact nature of the gift is different for everypony, but go ahead and ask these three about their notebook if you don't think it's worthwhile. And if you manage, somehow, to get hold of three stars, which is impossible...”
He tugged at the cord under the image of his face, which rolled up, revealing a third image; of Discord and four ponies, seated around a table.
“...then you get to make one request of the Panel.” he said. “Including myself, of course -” he tapped the central figure - “and four other ponies -” he moved from left to right - “Princess Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance. You can ask for anything you want, and as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, the Panel has to fulfil your request. You're not allowed to ask for more requests, or for more gold stars. Aside from that, you're allowed to ask for anything you want. Such as, say... Canterlot Castle. Though I'm sure someone capable of obtaining three gold stars can think of a better idea.”
Discord tapped the image, and it vanished; then he snapped his claw, and the classroom changed, with the students sitting around larger tables, and a pack of cards on each table.
“Now,” said Discord, “the first step to getting what you want is knowing what's going on. And the first part of that, is knowing when someone's lying to you. Some of you may already be familiar with something called 'poker'...”
* * *
Canterlot Castle, the same day
“Art thou certain that this is a good idea, dear sister?” asked Luna.
“Not at all, Luna.” said Celestia. “I fear that what has been wrought this day will lead to great upheaval in years to come.”
“Surely thou dost not fear that Discord shall do any harm to the foals under his care?” asked Luna.
“Nay, sister. However, when those that have been taught by Discord grow up... we may be in for some interesting times.”
(1) Backstroke
(2) No self-respecting avatar of chaos would ever allow his desks to be in rows. Nor would he ever allow the desks to be in the same arrangement two days running.
(3) Discord's syllabus(4) included basic psychology, information retrieval techniques, financial management, advanced probability and enough maths and science to get into any university in Canterlot.
(4) The written syllabus consisted only of three pages of smiley faces. Discord wasn't very good at paperwork.