//------------------------------// // Holiday Bonus Chapter:Halloween // Story: PonyFall:Adventures in Chaos // by Draequine //------------------------------// October 31 1692 The one thing that my colonial history teacher failed to truly inform me of was the stench. True, I knew that the only viable form of transportation were horses, which were quite prone to relieving themselves at a moments notice. I was indeed aware that plumbing had yet to progress beyond from simply throwing your ,quite literal, shit out the window. And yes, I was certain soap wasn’t to going to be widely used until the 1800s. Nothing had prepared me for this. Three weeks of pig farming, day in and day out of dealing with swine muck; complete hogwash. Thirteen diving hours of dumpster diving; down the drain. Going to woodstock, sober; wasted. Our modern foulness does not hold a candle to the stench of Salem, Massachusetts, circa 1692. I sighed, turning to the “witch” on my left. “This is getting real old Discord.” Discord gave a dramatic gasp and said,” No! It’s almost as if I don’t want you following me.” His sarcasm accentuated by his green skin and warts. “I’m serious here. I have nothing better to do then track you through time and space like some kind of cosmic karma beagle.” I growl through my teeth, trying to be as menacing as I can be, which is rather hard when you are dressed in drag for the umpteenth time. ~Stop doing that. You know it only makes you look constipated.~ Crazy Voice piped in with another one of his silent remarks.  Even after all the grief he has caused me over the months, I still haven’t had the heart to get rid of him. Something must have been wrong with me. I rolled my eyes and looked at the other “witch” to my right. He was still struggling against his bonds, and trying to scream through his gag as the firewood was piled around his wooden stake. Oh right, I forgot to mention that Me, Discord, and this other guy are about to be burned at the stake for witchcraft, heresy, and insolence. Nothing out of the ordinary here. What I hope was just a rotten tomato soared through the air and struck whats-his-face in the chest. It had been accompanied by what I could only assume was a hateful slur. We were surrounded by what appeared to be colonialists. They jeered and cheered around us in a completely unintelligible language. Although I’m not exactly a linguist, I am going to assume they were yelling at us in some form of Korean. Or it could have been Spanish. I didn’t really care because I had more pressing issues on my mind. For instance, how was I going to convince Discord to come back with me to my old reality so that he could help the Equestrians finally find a way home. Oh, and for the life of me, I couldn’t ignore the brass zeppelins floating overhead. I had thought I would have gotten over this particular feature around that time, but no. What is it about alternate realities that makes zeppelins so damn prevalent, I had thought to myself. After finding Discord for the 22nd time, I had turned in a huff of frustration and finally said,”Alright, I’ll bite. What’s the deal with the blimps? Consistency isn’t your style.” “Oh that?” He had said, staring at the sky. “Don’t look at me, it’s uh… Rogers? Gregs? No, Geralds fault that we’re here.” He didn’t sound that sure of himself, and neither was I. But I wasn’t there to question him.  I just needed to take him back with me. Oh, and I suppose I would have taken that other guy back with me as well… Probably. My heart just wasn’t into it that time. It hasn’t been since bedlam. And for once, I could actually tell that Discord felt the same. The circumstances this time was so lackluster compared to the previous times I had tracked him down. It was a pointless trap, pure and simple. I had kept expecting something more. Like the colonists turning out to be aliens, or that this was really all a celebration and we were the guests of honor. Nope, just brutal mob violence. It was kind of disappointing, but it did give me hope that Discord was finally getting tired of this. Its been six months for crying out loud! He must be getting tired of this, I had thought for the second time since being tied up. Then I had just remembered something very. It was halloween back home. How could I have forgotten that? Then again, why did I choose to remember it then, when I was about to be “burned alive”? I’m getting off track again, sorry. A plan was occurring to me as one of the colonists had brought forth a torch. It was a long shot, but I was running out of time. Well, not exactly, but if those logs underneath me had started to burn, things would have gotten too hectic to hold a proper conversation with Discord. “Hey Discord,” I begun nonchalantly,” have you ever heard of Halloween?” “A night where you humans dress up and threaten each other for candy?” He had replied, just as laid back. “Never heard of it.” “Well, it’s Halloween on Earth right now.” I tried to keep the eagerness out of my voice as the torch was thrown onto the wood pile. “Feel like scaring the pants off of Celestia?” Discord had gasped again. “Would I?! Race you there!” He had hollered as he vanished from thin air. I didn’t waste time to check if he had taken Ronald Gerald with him since he probably wouldn’t have left him to die like that. Probably. I can’t believe I fell for that a second time. As for how I got back, I’ll once again spare you the details. I took the usual way this time... Of course, he had lied. Then again, maybe he really had gone ahead and is scaring Celestia right now. Yeah right. Maybe I should check up on the Equestrians, just in case. No, I’ll find out soon enough if he is here, but in the meantime it looks like I am spending this Halloween alone. Not that I really mind of course. -From the logs of Ashton Thomas.