Chapter XIX: The Phantom and the Hourglass
The hollowness spread throughout her body, pulling everything in until nothing remained of her. Though, there had never really been anything there to begin with. She was just… just…
What was she?
She was Vesper Radiance. She knew that now. Maybe she had known all along. Maybe that’s why she felt so empty… so cold…
So alone.
“Sunset?”
Sunset started and blinked rapidly at the blurry ceiling. She sat up from her bed and looked over at Twilight, whose expression was more curious than concerned.
“Sorry, I couldn’t tell if you were awake. I’ve never seen such a blank look on a pony before.”
“No,” Sunset said lifelessly. “I’m awake. It’s fine.”
“Sunset, dear, you sound awful,” Rarity said from Sunset’s other side. She paused her mane brushing. “Did you get enough sleep last night?”
“Yeah, I got plenty.” She kept her eyes down on her blankets. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with any of them. They had looked at her once—or maybe, they were going to look at her—with disdain, fear, loathing. For a brief moment, Twilight had hated her. Maybe she always had…
“Sunset, what’s the matter?” Twilight asked.
You know what the matter is, Sunset thought bitterly. She shook her head. No, Twilight… hadn’t done this. At least, not yet. But she will… she did. Sunset gripped her blanket, rubbing the warm cloth between her freezing hooves. She opened her mouth, but nothing escaped.
By now, everyone was awake and giving her a range of odd expressions: some tired, some confused and some worried. She needed to tell them. Luna had told her to confide in them. But where did she start? How did she tell them such a horrible truth when she was still processing everything herself?
The sucking hollowness returned, threatening to swallow her up again. It ate away at her, piece by piece, inch by inch. She needed to do something, anything to make it stop; say something, go somewhere, do something. The train’s walls were pressing in on her; everything seemed so small and condensed. She couldn’t breathe. Her chest constricted, trying to crush her heart. Thoughts screamed in her head.
She wasn’t a pony. She wasn’t anything. She was just… she was just…
“Sunset!”
Sunset snapped her head up, finding her friends gathered around her, along with a paper bag floating in front of her face. She snatched it and breathed deeply into it; the bag expanded and contracted with each sharp breath until her hyperventilation had passed. Even so, she kept it around her mouth, her stomach churning.
“Whoa, what was that all about?” Rainbow asked.
“You all right, sugarcube? Yer lookin’ mighty pale,” Applejack said with sisterly concern.
Sunset waited for the words to touch her tongue, but they caught in her throat and tumbled back down into her stomach. Instead, she removed her mouth from the bag and mumbled, “Food,” before staggering out of the bed. She paused for a moment to regain her footing as another spike of nausea stabbed through her. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for it to subside while her friends hovered close by, enough so that she could feel their individual body heat. They might have said something, but it was just static in Sunset’s ears.
When she regained her senses, she pushed past them, throwing compartment door after compartment door open until she reached the main exit and stumbled outside. She relished the morning air and the sun on her face as if feeling it for the first time. It was warm and vibrant and reminded her that she was alive.
It was snuffed out in a moment. The warmth was sucked away from her, leaving her cold and empty again. The black vortex at her center exploded forth, and Sunset stumbled a few paces forward before she dropped down and curled into a ball.
This can’t be happening. This can’t happening. I’m not a bad pony… no… no… I am… I’m the worst pony! I did it! It was all me! Everything was me! No, it wasn’t me… I don’t exist. I’m just… a phantom… But I still did it. Sunset Shimmer is Vesper Radiance… Vesper Radiance is Sunset Shimmer… we’re the same… I did it… I killed… I murdered…
“Sunset!”
She lifted her head; Twilight stood looking down at her, apprehension and disquiet in her piercing violet eyes. Eyes of a friend who cared for her. Eyes of a stranger who had replaced her. Eyes of a protector who had condemned her. Eyes of a princess who had lied to her.
Sunset hated those eyes. A flame amidst the cold, everlasting darkness rose up to overwhelm her. Latch onto it, a voice told her. Go on, hate her. This is all her fault in the end. But, no! This hadn’t been Twilight’s fault—it had been her own.
But when Sunset stared into those eyes, the flame of hatred shot out burning tongues, searching for more fuel to devour no matter how hard she tried to keep it down. Tell them, the rational part of her brain commanded. Tell them and it will all be better.
She opened her mouth once more and a faint gurgling noise came from within. “Breakfast,” she said suddenly, getting up again. “I’ll… I’ll tell you after breakfast! Is anyone else hungry? I know I sure am! Haha… ha… ha.” She looked around at all of them, her friends expressions mirroring Twilight’s.
With her head bowed, she walked off the platform and into the city of Tall Tale, hardly paying attention to the surrounding buildings. Her body seemed alien: tight, sluggish, and heavy. Her eyes narrowed, taking in the hourglass still hanging from her neck. It was such a constant now, almost a part of her. Was that the extra weight she was feeling—the timepiece?
Time.
Sunset had traveled through time not once, but twice. Forwards and backwards. The first time, she had jumped forward and created calamity and doom; the second, in an attempt to fix it. How would it end? Sunset was only sure, no matter how it all ended, it would bring naught but pain and sorrow for her.
Even now, pangs of regret and guilt and sadness plagued her every step, filling her hooves with lead. She supposed it was better than feeling nothing. Perhaps she was still equine somewhere deep inside, even if it was just a little bit.
Her friends’ whispers followed behind her, but she didn’t care. She would tell them soon. She needed to. They would know everything.
And they would hate her.
“We’re the same pony,” Sunset repeated, the words bouncing around in her skull.
“Yes… I suppose… fundamentally, you are.” Luna walked a circle around the table, her chin raised in thought. “Sunset, you may share a soul with her, but you have proven yourself to be quite different than your predecessor.”
Sunset said nothing.
“Still, it is a most interesting phenomenon. The perfect reincarnation of a body through a soul.”
“How exactly did it happen?” Sunset asked, a pointed edge to her voice.
Luna regarded her coolly then softened her expression. “Well, Sunset, all I have are theories, but I believe they are correct. Tell me, do you know of the creature that Vesper Radiance dueled with?”
Sunset shook her head.
Luna looked up at the skylight depicting the night above them. “It is of a most ancient species—some of the foulest creatures to walk the land. That one specifically was known as the Frostlich.” Luna paused, eliciting a nod from Sunset to go on. “Frostliches—well, all lich creatures—have a unique condition. Some call it a blessing, others call it a curse. They are immortal in the most literal sense of the word.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, for example, look at the phoenix: it has a limited life span. When one reaches old age, they burst into flames to renew themselves and start again from young hatchlings. However, there are ways to kill a phoenix and ensure that its life cycle does not start anew. With the Frostlich, it does not renew its life after time. Nor does their immortality protect their bodies from the ravages of time. They simply continue to exist.”
“That… sounds horrible,” Sunset said.
Luna nodded. “Their bodies will decay, their minds will revert back to their most primal states, yet they will keep moving. You can run a sword through their heart or cut off their head, yet they will eventually rise again. They are just a soul operating a body, tethered to this world through their magic.”
A dark shadow crossed Luna’s face. “Vesper Radiance took that power for herself. She sought to make herself truly immortal, though I do not think she fully comprehended what that would entail.”
“Or, she didn’t care.”
“Yes, she may have thrown every last shred of reasoning out of the metaphorical door by then. Either way, she bound her soul to this world by creating a body that could not die. However, Twilight did something most unexpected with the Elements of Harmony.”
“Yeah,” Sunset said quietly. “Celestia asked her… she asked Twilight to save my… our soul.”
“Indeed. Perhaps it was because of Twilight’s desire to fulfill my sister’s wish, or because the Elements saw just how much pain you were in deep inside. Regardless, they performed an odd phenomenon and removed your soul from your body.”
“So the Vesper Radiance I saw…” Sunset thought back to the high pitched giggling, the floating sphere of darkness… the monster sitting on Canterlot’s throne. “She was just a soulless puppet.”
“More or less, yes. I assume she was merely acting on whatever lasting emotions had been imprinted on her before her soul departed. A reverse ghost, almost.”
They sat in silence for a time before Sunset said, “So, her soul—my soul—it had the magic of the Frostlich. So… it couldn’t really… go on, could it? But it couldn’t go back to its body either since it was sealed up.”
“Correct on both accounts—at least, according to my theory. The lost soul was constantly wavering between worlds, wanting to go on, but unable to do so. What Vesper Radiance attempted was something no pony—no creature has ever attempted to do or even research. It is practically impossible to go beyond speculation and guesswork.” Luna sat down across the table from Sunset. “I think it was not only the Frostlich’s magic keeping her here. She still had powerful emotions that she could not let go of.”
Sunset cringed and looked at her lap. “You mean her obsession with Celestia? Her hatred for Twilight?”
Luna’s silence gave her the answer she needed.
“So, without a body to go back to, the magic just… created a new one to inhabit?”
“That is the best guess I can give you,” Luna said. “Nopony has seen what happens to a lich creature when its body fully decays. Celestia and I thought we had locked them all in Tartarus long ago. Evidently, we were wrong.” She took a deep breath. “Your soul was already familiar with that particular body, so it sought to replicate it. Though, why you came back as a foal instead of as an adult is anypony’s guess. Perhaps there was simply not enough magic to restore you fully.”
“So then… my parents aren’t really…?” Sunset thought to the baby pictures sitting in her living room.
“You did not have a normal birth, Sunset. Twilight and Celestia must have entrusted you with a family, hoping you would have a better life…”
Sunset, head still bowed, ran straight into Rainbow and fell back on her rump. When she looked up, Rainbow narrowed her eyes.
“We passed, like, six different diners already. But you’re so caught up in la-la land, you couldn’t even hear us calling you.”
Sunset got up and looked at the small café they were outside of. “Sorry, I was… sorry.” Her eyelids drooped, and she took a step forward, only to have Rainbow stick a hoof out.
“Seriously, Sunset, what’s up? You look like somepony died.”
And then came back to life… only to have to die again. Sunset gently put Rainbow’s hoof down. “I promise I’ll explain after breakfast.”
Rainbow frowned, but raised no argument. None of them did. They walked inside, ordered a table, and sat down; Sunset chose the remote corner, as far away from Twilight as possible. They were all arranged snugly in a booth with a few extra chairs provided.
Just like Hoofington, Sunset thought. History repeats itself whenever it can. She stared vacantly at the menu. Her stomach growled for food, but she was not in the mood to eat. She wanted to curl up and go to sleep, to wake up in her mother’s embrace and hear that this was all just a bad dream.
Then again, those weren’t really her parents. She had killed her birth parents and been reincarnated purely from magic. Those were just her adoptive parents. And yet, Sunset loved them anyway. They had never known the truth about her, never been privy to whatever plan Twilight was hatching. They had just taken Sunset in and loved her as their own.
Would they still love me if they knew the truth? She looked around at the table, at her friends and repeated the question. Luna had told her to trust them, but would those feelings be reciprocated?
Sunset and Luna stood back in Sunset’s portion of the library, brighter than Vesper’s even with the thick grey clouds that stopped the sun from pouring through the skylight.
“I know this is hard for you to take in, Sunset,” Luna said gently.
“No, really?” Sunset couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice.
Luna ignored it. “But there is something you need to realize before you let the thought consume you. You and Vesper are not the same pony.”
Sunset looked up, thunderstruck. “You’re joking, right?” Her voice rose. “How can you sit there and say that with everything you’ve just seen? We’re the exact same pony! We share the same soul!” Sunset bit back a sob as the realization began to fully crash down on her.
“No, Sunset, that is just it. You may share a soul, but your experiences have made you different from each other in drastic ways. You understood something Vesper never grasped. You accepted friendship and true love.”
“That doesn’t create a big enough space to differentiate us! Everything she did, I did! I’ve stolen, killed—I’ve turned into a monster! I ended the world, Luna!”
Something glittery fell in front of Sunset, followed by another piece. She looked up to see pieces of the ceiling falling away, breaking into glittery shards as they came down. The walls were doing the same, as were the books and tables. She was waking up.
“Sunset—” Luna spoke with haste “—I am not telling you to disregard your past—I am telling you to not let yourself be defined by it. Yes, you have erred—grievously if I am to be honest. But, look at you now. Look at what you’re trying to do, what you’re trying to change. Remember that as well, for your friends will urge you to do the same.”
“What do you mean?” Sunset’s own voice sounded distant from her as the dream collapsed.
“You cannot keep this to yourself, Sunset. Such knowledge will drive you mad. You must confide in your friends.”
“They’ll hate me! I can’t! They’ll never accept—”
“Trust in your friends, Sunset!” Luna began to fade away. “Do not let your anger take you. Lean on your friends!”
Sunset ate her food slowly. The entire mood of the table was solemn, and she could feel Twilight’s eyes occasionally bore into her. She refused to meet them.
The food did not relieve the hollow feeling pervading her body. In fact, it only made her more aware of its existence. She put her fork down, feeling queasy.
“I thought you said you were hungry?” Twilight asked.
Sunset pushed her plate away, most of it still covered in fruit and hay. “I’m good now,” she grumbled. She watched the rest of them finish their meals, and with a guilt-laden promise from Twilight that they would pay the diner back later, they departed.
“All right,” Rainbow said, hovering right over Sunset. “It’s after breakfast, so fess up!”
“Indeed, Sunset," Rarity said. "You’ve got us all worried sick.”
“Yeah. Yeah, all right... just follow me.” Sunset kept walking down the street, looking for anything that she could use to stall for time. But Luna was right: holding this in was eating away at her, feasting on the remains of her very existence. It was now or never.
Tall Tale was closer to Canterlot in its structure, though it lacked any of the grand finesse that the capital had. Its buildings were tall, grey blocks placed at regular intervals. The streets were clean, yet they were not the polished cobblestones Sunset was so accustomed to. There was a large park with tall hills and even taller trees that Sunset found charming.
She led them to one of the taller hills. At the top sat a mighty oak tree, like a king surveying his kingdom. Sunset appreciated it before she noticed a flotilla of clouds riding up from the south as if to challenge the tree’s authority.
“They must be breaking up the storm I made in Hoofington and pushing it off,” Rainbow said, having followed Sunset’s gaze. It was only a temporary distraction though, for all eyes were on Sunset not a moment later.
“R-right. Yeah.” Her stalling was up. They were expecting some sort of story now, an explanation for her dreary mood. They who had not sinned. They who had not stained their past with blood and madness.
She looked back up at the oak tree and smiled for the first time that day. With her telekinesis, she reached up and pulled off some of the smaller branches. Like she had so long ago, back in Canterlot Park when she had told the story of her cutie mark, she fashioned miniature ponies from sticks and leaves. With a shaky breath, she began her tale.
Sunset kept her voice monotone, allowing the black hole to swallow up her emotions. She couldn’t bother with them now; the smile alone had taken up her energy.
“Once upon a time… there was a unicorn.” She held up the first of her craft, a small, crudely made stick pony with a horn. “She had been left by her parents at an orphanage when she wasn’t even a year old. And as the years went by, any pony she tried to get close to got adopted, while she stayed behind, always having somepony picked over her.” She levitated up a folded leaf. “So, she studied her books and magic, finding solace in them rather than interacting with other ponies.”
She recounted all that she had seen through her dreams: her acceptance from Celestia (her stick figure had longer legs and leafy wings), the tutelage she had received. Though her voice carried no emotion, her friends were hooked on every word. Their faces, however, remained grim, even Pinkie’s.
Maybe she already knows how this ends, Sunset thought when she took a pause in her story.
Twilight gasped loudly when Sunset brought in the figurine meant to represent Cadence. Sunset ignored her, too busy fighting down fury and disgust as she explain how Cadence came under Celestia’s supervision and the consequences it created for all of them.
Sunset was in two places at once. Her mouth moved and told the story, but her heart was waging a silent battle. Her emotions tried to crawl out of the black hole, but she refused to let them surface. They were not hers to begin with; the wound belonged to another pony.
But when she told them of how Celestia accepted the unicorn as her daughter, remorse and hatred escaped the pull of her heart and bled out in the bitterness in her voice. She didn’t register her friend’s cries of shock over the revelation; she just continued the story with a wavering voice.
It only shook more when Sunset reached what had happened to Cadence and the events that spiraled from there.
Sunset held up the figures of the princess and the unicorn facing each other. “They had an argument… lots of yelling… broken hearts…” Shards of pain spread forth and stabbed Sunset in the chest. She winced, but kept going. “When the princess saw the unicorn had no remorse for her actions, when she saw how desperate the unicorn was to be an alicorn… she dismissed her.” The princess turned and walked away from the unicorn.
“The unicorn was devastated, her sanity frayed. She hid in the castle in the Everfree, where she stumbled upon a spell that she thought would fix everything.” Sunset looked up from her little figures. “Can you guess what that spell was?”
Most of her friends shook their heads. Twilight, however, lifted two hooves to her mouth, her eyes swimming in her face.
“Time travel,” she whispered.
Sunset nodded. “She found a time spell. She was going to go back in time and stop her younger self from making any mistakes. But, the universe had other plans…” She could see the Sonic Rainboom going off and the force of the magic jerking her forward in time. Rainbow looked torn between impressed and guilty. Twilight simply looked mortified, hiding behind her bangs when Sunset reached the coronation.
“Well,” Sunset said, finding her monotone voice again, “you can imagine what that did to her. She vowed to get revenge one way or another. Soon enough, she discovered a way: the Dark Regalia. She stole the Alicorn Amulet from Zecora and learned about the Tempest Crown in the Cloudsdale Library. She faced no opposition that time.”
“What?” Rainbow held a hoof up. “But we were there. That’s when we all nearly fell out of the sky!”
Rarity put a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder. “Yes, we were. But that was this time. She’s talking about what happened before. This is what happened in her timeline.”
Rainbow huffed. “I hate time travel.”
A smile flickered across Sunset’s face for the briefest moment until she resumed her story. Her voice trembled again when she spoke of the confrontation between Vesper and her parents, and what she did to them afterwards. She could hear the screaming in her ears, the pleas for mercy; the dark magic used to put false life into the corpses.
Sunset didn’t think the expressions on her friend’s faces could get any grimmer. Yet their mouths were carved into thin lines and their eyes were bent in silent mourning.
She moved on to finish the story: how Vesper collected the rest of the Dark Regalia and fought against the Frostlich waiting somewhere out in the frozen tundra. Sunset added crumpled wings to the unicorn, but she knew it didn’t do the monster justice. It was horror that couldn’t be replicated. Not true… I am its replication.
She raised six new ponies to stand in opposition to the monster, little pebbles around their necks save for the one at the front who was wearing a floral crown. Her pulse quickened as she described the final battle, the voice in her head screaming with rage as she relived her defeat again.
“They used the Magic of Friendship on her and sealed the monster’s body away in the mountain. But, they did something else with her soul.” Sunset drew together the moisture in the air and made a small bead of water that floated over the monster’s chest. “The princess couldn’t bear to see her daughter imprisoned for so long like her sister had been. So she pleaded to her faithful student to at least save the monster’s soul. The soul was spared imprisonment… but it didn’t depart this world.” Her magic trembled and gave out; all of her crafts fell to the ground.
“The magic the unicorn tampered with… it made it so that instead of dying… she was accidentally reborn many years later. She lost all of her memories. She was just a foal.” Sunset closed her eyes and pressed her teeth together. “A tool that could be used in case things went wrong. A weapon that needed watching in case it malfunctioned and she got her memories back. The foal was given to a welcoming family and masqueraded as their daughter.
“But it wouldn’t last. The illusion would end eventually. Before the monster had been sealed away, she struck one of the heroes with a curse that they were never able to lift.” Sunset looked up at Pinkie. “It sapped at her strength, slowly killing her every day until after fifty years, she finally gave up. And with only one seal on her prison broken, the monster escaped.”
She lifted her head to the sky, feeling the cold wind blow across her face, bringing the dark clouds closer. “You know the rest.”
No one said anything. Only the wind made any sound as it rustled the kingly oak, scattering leaves about. Sunset didn’t dare look back down at her friends. She couldn’t bear to see their faces, to see the scorn and hate and fear in their eyes.
She almost fell backwards as someone tackled her in a tight hug.
“P-Pinkie? What are you doing?” Sunset asked.
“I’m giving you a hug, of course,” Pinkie whispered.
Sunset sat rigid in her embrace. “Why?”
“Because you really need one.”
From the corner of her eye, Sunset could see everyone else moving in. She pushed Pinkie off and took a large step back. “Don’t you get it?” she hissed. “Don’t any of you get it? Don’t you understand who and what I am?”
Twilight took another step forward. “Sunset—”
“I am Vesper Radiance!” she bellowed. “It was me! It was always me! I killed my own parents, I cursed Pinkie Pie, I brought Celestia and Luna to their knees and I ended the world! Dead! All of them dead because of me!” She started hyperventilating again, her chest caving in, weighing as heavy as her thoughts.
“Th-that’s me… that’s who I was… who I am…” She pressed a hoof over heart, panting. “N-no… I shouldn’t even exist right now. I-I’m just a copy. Just a copy. It was a lie. Haha… it was all a lie.”
“Sunset, that isn’t true,” Twilight said firmly. “You aren’t just a copy. Your life is real, even… even if you are…”
Sunset’s breathing slowed and she focused her attention solely on Twilight. Just like in the throne room, magma began running through her veins, burning her entire body from the inside. “You…” The word tumbled out like lead. “This… this is all your fault.”
Twilight pinned her ears back. “What?”
“This is all your fault!” Sunset stomped a hoof against the grass. “You couldn’t have just imprisoned me, could you? It was funnier just to drag out my suffering! My existence is just one big joke to you, isn’t it?”
Twilight took a step back. “Sunset, I—”
“You never cared about me, did you? I was insurance in case things went wrong! I was never your friend—just your sacrificial lamb!”
“Sunset…”
A veil of tears coated Twilight’s eyes. Before Sunset could yell anymore though, Rainbow jumped in front of Twilight with her wings fanned out.
“Hey! What’s your deal? You can’t blame any of this on Twilight!”
“Why not?” Sunset bared her teeth. “It’s her fault! She’s the reason I came back to life! She’s the reason I came back in time! She’s the reason I… I…” Sunset’s voice faded out. A thick lump lodged itself in her throat, and tears stung at her eyes.
“But, you’re blaming Twilight for things that haven’t even happened yet,” Spike said.
Sunset rounded on him. “Haven’t happened for you! This is my past we’re talking about!” She snorted like a bull and smashed a back hoof into the tree, raining leaves down upon them. “I can’t believe I was so stupid! In both lifetimes! I can’t believe I listened to you! I trusted you, Twilight! And you sent me back without telling me anything, expecting me to kill my past self!”
Twilight gaped at her. “Who… who said anything about killing?”
“How else is this going to end? You think she’s just going to roll over even if you manage to pry the amulet from her neck? You think Celestia’s just going to let her walk away after everything she’s done—after everything I’ve done? There’s only one way for this to end, Twilight—she has to die! The Dark Regalia must be destroyed! And then I… I…”
A white-hot iron pressed against Sunset’s heart and she grabbed her chest, doubling over as the pain shot through the rest of her body.
Do you see the truth now, Sunset? a voice screeched inside her head.
“No… go away,” Sunset moaned. The burning increased; her vision blurred, the ponies in front of her distorting to messy outlines.
Your sad life is forfeit. That is, if you choose to keep helping them. Let me have control again, Sunset Shimmer. Let me help us to survive!
“Gaaaaaah!” Sunset shut her eyes, thrashing her head back and forth. “No! No, no, no!”
“Sunset!”
Her friends tried to step closer, but Sunset’s horn flared and a barrier pushed them all back.
“Stay away from me!” she screeched. The flames within her intensified, and she gasped loudly, trying with all her might not to scream.
Yes! That’s it! Go on and hate her! Hate all of them! Hate all of them with all your heart and soul! The more you hate, the stronger I get; I’ll have my body back, whether you give it willingly or not!
Sunset blocked the voice out with tremendous effort, taking several deep breaths. Against the heat, she focused on her parents and her old friends, ponies she didn’t—couldn’t—hate. The fire quelled to embers, and she opened her eyes to see seven apprehensive faces looking at her.
There they were: the looks Sunset knew she would receive eventually. Tears found their way to the corners of her eyes and she looked at the ground. “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell like that… I—”
“Oh, but that was my favorite part.”
Sunset jerked her head upwards, finding the past version of herself lazily reclining across a tree branch. Sunset felt her hatred return, though it didn’t burn her as it had before.
Vesper rolled off the branch and fell to the ground between Sunset and the rest of her friends, slowing to a graceful stop just before she touched the ground.
“You!” Rainbow spread her wings and lunged for her.
Vesper vanished with a quick flash, leaving Rainbow to slam head first into Sunset, both of them careening back into the tree.
“Really,” Vesper said in a monotone voice after reappearing, “are you going to try that every time we meet?”
Sunset shoved Rainbow off and stood up, shaking the leaves from her mane. “What do you want?” she said, fire spitting from her mouth.
“I just came to talk,” she said, her tongue laced with poisoned honey. “Honest this time. No schemes, just a conversation.”
“I find that hard to believe,” Twilight said, her horn charged.
“Believe what you will, but for once, I’m not here to talk to you, o Princess.” Vesper locked eyes with Sunset. “I’m here to talk to Sunset Shimmer.”
“And why would I ever listen to you?”
“Because I’m you. Or rather, you’re me—you came second after all. Not as good as the original, but still valuable to some degree.” Vesper smiled. “Yes, I heard your entire tale, and somewhere inside of me, I knew you were telling the truth.” She stepped closer, widening her smile. “My own reincarnation. How fascinating. Truly, it’s as if the universe wants me—wants us to win.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “You make it sound like I’m going to help you.”
“And why wouldn’t you?” Vesper said silkily. “Come now, Sunset Shimmer—we’re the same pony. Why wouldn’t you help yourself to glory?”
“We’re not the same pony!” Sunset roared, like her volume could drown out the lie.
Vesper continued to smile. “Don’t try to fool yourself, Sunset. We’re nearly identical, inside and out. I just happen to be better.”
Rainbow put a wing around Sunset. “Liar! You guys may look the same, and maybe she’s your reincarnation or whatever, but she’s way better than you!”
“She’s still got a moral compass!” Applejack shouted from behind Vesper.
“Moral compass?” Vesper raised an amused eyebrow. “Really? Then how do you explain what happened to poor Carrow?”
Sunset’s heart froze. The memory of the griffon’s eyes going dull and the needle of rock piercing his heart flowed back into her mind. “How… how do you…?”
Rainbow tightened her wing around Sunset’s shoulders. “What’s she talking about?”
“I-I kinda—I accidentally killed…” Sandpaper rubbed against Sunset’s tongue. “Tha-that was different! That was self-defense! I—he tried to kill me first!”
“Killing in self-defense still sounds like murder to me,” Vesper said, playing with the front lock of her hair—the same lock Sunset had sliced off herself the day before. “Admit it: you even got a rush from it. Part of you enjoyed making him suffer.”
“I-I didn’t.” Sunset’s breath quickened as her chest squeezed against her heart again. I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t like killing him. Even if he did deserve it. Even if they all deserved it. Her pupils dilated, her mind already tracing the end of that train of thought. Anger bubbled through her again, and she pushed Rainbow’s wing off.
“Shut up!” She launched a fireball at Vesper, who teleported again, allowing the blaze to continue on towards the others.
“Whoa!” Twilight threw up her shield just before the fire could touch her.
Sunset was about to apologize when a voice whispered in her ear. “See? Feels good to let your anger go, doesn’t it?”
She whipped her head around, wildly throwing another fireball into empty air. It sailed across the park—startling several picnickers—but extinguished itself before reaching them.
Vesper reappeared on Rainbow’s other side. “Deep down inside, you’re feeling everything I’ve felt. I know you are.”
Sunset twisted and fired again, forcing Rainbow to drop to the ground.
“Sunset, watch where you’re throwing those things!” she yelled, the shot singeing the tips of her mane as it passed overhead.
Sunset ignored her, shooting again when Vesper appeared next to Rarity and said, “Just because you think you had a mommy and daddy who loved you—”
Fwoosh!
“—to everyone else, you’re expendable—”
“Shut up!” Fwoosh!
“—You were an accidental burden no one wanted. That’s why the princess tried to get rid of you—”
“Shut up, shut up!” Fwoosh! Fwoosh!
“—You’d be better off joining me, Sunset. I can give you a future. I can give a better purpose. Because I know you know how this is going to end—”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Fwoosh! Fwoosh! Fwoosh!
“—The truth is, you don’t have any friends! You don’t have any family! Everything you are is borrowed and copied! You’re a poor, doomed replica destined to die! Hahahaha—”
Wham!
Sunset halted her attack, eyes wide and mouth open. Her friends—now scattered across the hillside from dodging her fireballs—copied her expression as they all stared in fixed awe.
“Shut. Up,” Fluttershy said coldly, her hoof still raised.
Vesper stood rooted in place, her head turned slightly to the side, her cheek bearing a fresh red splotch.
“Sunset Shimmer isn’t a replica. She isn’t anything like you! She has friends and family who care about her! She has a good heart and is trying to do the right thing! She isn’t destined to die—she’s destined to beat you and help fix everything you’ve messed up!”
A crooked smile made its way back to Vesper’s face. “Naive simpleton. You don’t get it, do you?” She whipped around, her silver dagger flashing through the air, striking at Fluttershy’s throat.
Sunset was faster; the dagger struck a blue shield an inch away from Fluttershy, who—for her part—had not flinched.
“Don’t you dare,” Sunset growled, now standing next to Fluttershy.
Vesper laughed and retracted her dagger. “You still want to try and play the hero? You’re a lot of things, Replica, but you’re no hero. Why defend them now? You’re going to kill them later anyway.”
The brief calm Fluttershy had given Sunset was gone. Like the gathering storm overhead, black clouds swirled around Sunset’s heart. She made a mad lunge at Vesper.
Vesper merely jumped back and laughed again. “Awww, do you hate me, Replica? Or do you hate yourself?”
Sunset fired a jet of light, but Vesper was already gone. “Come on then, Sunset Shimmer! Come after me!”
“Sunset, no!”
Sunset could not ignore the laughter in her ears. Without even looking back at Fluttershy, she teleported.
She reappeared in what appeared to be a market square. Stalls and carts laden with fruits and jewelry surrounded her in the cross-section of four streets. Ponies jumped at her initial appearance, but paid her no mind afterwards. She jerked her head around for any sign of Vesper.
“Where are you, you unholy—”
A screech came from above her, Sunset’s only warning before she saw the inferno swooping down at her. She grabbed it with her magic and hurled it back at the source, ignoring the screaming around her. The fire struck the roof of a tall building, catching it ablaze.
Sunset scanned the rooftop, but found no trace of Vesper. She brought her eyes down to the panicking crowd. Through them, she caught the tail end of a black cloak vanishing down the north road. Sunset gave chase, shoving ponies who stood in her path.
Stupid ponies! Get outta my way so I can get a clear shot! She materialized a net and threw it over the bustling crowd, but she only managed to snag an elderly fruit vendor. She did not pause to help untie him.
The ponies learned to get out of her way after that, but Sunset still refused to use anything lethal without worrying about injuring somepony.
Who cares? Just do it! What’s one injury to getting what you want?
Sunset tried to close the gap with a teleport, but when she came out of warp, Vesper had vanished again. She raised her head to the heavens and let out a short yell, cut off when her peripheral vision caught a fiery mane moving atop one of the buildings.
“Get back here!” Sunset yelled. She teleported up, finding Vesper running across the rooftop. Sunset gave chase, throwing an inky black coil at Vesper’s hooves.
Vesper jumped, and a sudden strong gust of wind propelled her to the next roof over. With the moisture in the air, Sunset crafted an ice bridge over the gap between buildings and skated across it, throwing more fire all the while.
All her shots missed or were blocked by Vesper’s shields. She only returned fire occasionally, though her conflagrations were much larger and hotter than Sunset’s.
She pressed on, a dull ache throbbing in her wounded shoulder. With a growl of frustration, Sunset teleported in front of Vesper and struck with a vertical wave of energy that left a rut in the stone roof. Vesper dove to the side and off the building into the alley below. Sunset teleported behind her and with a pulse of hatred, summoned black needles from the alley walls to bar Vesper’s passage.
Vesper tried to jump through as they extended, only to have her shoulder pierced by one. Before she could pull it out, another one stabbed her opposite shoulder. Both needles slid up the wall, hoisting Vesper into the air above Sunset.
Black smoke clung to the corners of Sunset’s eyes as she observed Vesper with a voracious smile. “No more running for you.”
Vesper grimaced, trying to move her shoulder. But as Sunset stepped closer, she put on a wry smile. “Oh, are you going to kill me, Sunset? Do you have the guts to do it?”
Another needle extended from the far wall and stabbed Vesper in the foreleg. She let out a silent scream before bursting into laughter. “You, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you, little replica? Killing your past self? I’m honestly more amused than terrified right now.”
“You should be scared!” Sunset shouted. “I’m going to tear you limb from limb and enjoy every second of it!”
Vesper grinned. “That sounds like something I would do. See? We are one and the same.”
“We are not!” Sunset stabbed Vesper in the opposite arm, and watched the blood drip down onto the alley floor.
Her blood.
The same blood.
Sunset staggered back, bumping against the wall. What was she doing? I’m… killing myself. The same pony… we are the same pony. But… she needs to be stopped. She… I… we…
“I know you’ve figured it out, Sunset.” Vesper’s words drifted into her ears like a fine mist. “You’re smarter than those filthy ponies you try to guard yourself with. You know what happens if I lose, if destiny is not carried out as has already been written. Do you want that for yourself? I’ll give you a future, Sunset. A better future. We’ll rule Equestria—we’ll rule the whole world! That is our destiny.”
“Sunset!”
Both turned to Twilight, racing down the alleyway.
“Or,” Vesper said, “you can perish with the rest of them. The choice is yours.”
Before Twilight could reach them, Vesper’s horn glowed and she vanished in a red light, leaving the black, blood-stained needles behind.
Twilight doubled over when she came to a halt before Sunset. “What… happened?” she panted. “You just… disappeared.”
Sunset looked blankly at the wall before she regarded Twilight. “I chased after Vesper Radiance. I had her until you interfered.” The fire inside her lit up again. “You always interfere.”
Twilight straightened up. “What do you mean? What did I interfere with?”
“Really?” Sunset glared at Twilight. “I just told you the whole story, and you’re asking ‘why?’ Vesper was right—you are stupid.”
“What?” Twilight teetered back like she had been sucker-punched. “Sunset... what are you…? Please, just talk to me.”
“Talk to you? I already did that! I just found out that I’m the reincarnation of the most evil creature to walk the face of the earth and the rest of my existence is meaningless!”
“Sunset, that’s not true.”
“Not true?” Sunset yelled. “You still don’t understand! My life—my entire existence—not only is it just borrowed, it’s founded on circumstance! Circumstances you asked me to change! And you had the gall to ask me to forgive you?” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force the image of Twilight being dragged up into the sphere of darkness from her mind. “Never. Not in this lifetime, and if I should be so lucky, not in the next one.”
Twilight’s eyes waded in tears. “Are you saying… that if we stop Vesper… you’ll die?”
Sunset threw her head back and laughed. “Die? I wish! Dying means I might go somewhere! If Vesper Radiance loses—if she dies or if the Dark Regalia is destroyed, I don’t die—I cease to exist!”
The words bounced through the alleyway and up into the bleak sky. A single tear of rain came down and splashed on Sunset’s forehead. “We are the same pony,” she said wearily. “That’s the proof right there. My destiny is tied to hers.”
That was the hollowness eating away at her. Her own, frail mortality being pulled into oblivion.
“Nothing," she said softly. "That's my fate: to become nothing. Death would actually be a mercy now.”
“No,” Twilight whimpered. “No, that can’t be right. You-you exist—you’re right here! You can’t just not exist anymore! That’s… that isn’t possible.” Her eyes pleaded with Sunset. “That isn’t possible, right?”
“Starswirl’s time spell was supposed to rewrite what had previously happened. The ultimate redo spell. So you tell me if it isn’t possible. We’re one soul, recycled. If her soul never reincarnates into me… well then, that’s that. It’s over.”
Twilight started to pant again, her face contorted with hopeless fear. “Then we’ll… we’ll just re-hide the Regalia and lock Vesper up… or, or, we’ll ask Celestia for the Elements of Harmony and hit her with them and—”
“Because that worked so well the first time!” Sunset shook her head. “Stop. Just stop it. Stop pretending you care about me.”
Twilight raised a hoof. “Sunset, I do care—”
“No, you don’t! If you cared, you never would have put me through this! You wouldn’t have gambled with my existence! You would have just left me in one piece instead of splitting me up and then making me go and kill myself twice!” Sunset shook her head again. “But no, this is just punishment to make me pay for my sins, isn’t it? Revenge for what I did or what I’m going to do. Raise me up and then tear me down.”
Hatred pulsed within her soul again, and a voice hissed, Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Sunset pushed it down with strenuous effort.
“Sunset, that isn’t true! None of it’s true,” Twilight cried. “I would never do anything like that! You’re my friend!”
“I wasn’t your friend the first time around, was I? I was just a villain who needed to be stopped—who hurt your mentor and best friend.”
Twilight’s voice shook. “Please, Sunset, stop this. It’s not true. I care about you now, and I know I cared about you back then.”
Sunset looked at the pain on Twilight’s face, but nothing stirred in her heart—nothing but the aching truth and the emptiness devouring her. “I don’t believe you. I just don’t. Not anymore.”
All of her memories with Princess Twilight—every happy moment, every great lesson, every laugh, even every scolding—Sunset banished them to the farthest corner of her heart, hoping the pain wouldn’t reach her from there.
Lies. That’s all they are now. Lies of a false reality.
She couldn’t stand being in Twilight’s presence any longer. She took a deep breath and walked in Twilight’s direction, heading for the mouth of the alley. “I’ll meet you at the station later.” Sunset didn’t know where she was going, she just knew it had to be away from here.
She stopped at Twilight’s shoulder and bowed her head low. This time, the anger came to her not hot and erupting like a volcano, but cold and piercing. The words sat in her mouth, a sword ready to be unsheathed. She rested her tongue between her teeth and bit down hard, but she could not stop the words from being drawn as she thrust them into Twilight’s heart.
“I hate you.”
She didn’t wait to see if Twilight would fight back, if she would counter in any way. Sunset kept walking, feeling tiny droplets of rain prick at her coat. Twilight made no move to follow her, though Sunset was sure she heard a sniffle as she left.
Sunset took the longest route possible back to the park she had started at. Whether consciously or not, she couldn’t say. With hooves clad in iron, she came to rest at the edge of the pond. The rest of the park was empty, a result of her earlier display of pyromancy. She found small solace in the silence. She could barely contend with the emotions swirling inside her alone; she didn’t need an audience.
She had repeated it all in her head: everything that she had learned, everything that she knew. She had said it out loud, but it still didn’t feel real. It wasn’t fair—it just wasn’t fair. Luna had been wrong. Telling her friends had not made her feel better. In fact, their support only made her feel worse. She wanted to cling to life even more desperately now. But it was because of them that she couldn’t seek a way out. Following any other path than what was laid in front of her would be selfish.
Sunset gnashed her teeth together. “That’s why you gave me all those friendship lessons, isn’t it? That’s why you wanted me to be your student. To get me to care. To get me to be selfless and want to help my friends. Well, I hope you’re happy, princess, it worked! I care too much to walk away! I care too much…”
So many faces flashed in her mind: friends and family and ponies she didn’t even know, but had seen so many times. They were all doomed if she didn’t help—if she didn’t make a sacrifice that would cost her everything.
How did one simply cease to exist? Where would she go? Was Twilight right? Was there a possibility that she could still exist?
Sunset shook her head. She knew it was a foolish wish. There was no point in clinging to such a faint hope. She would stop Vesper Radiance. She would stop herself.
And she would vanish into the aether.
Leaning over the water, she took in her reflection like it was the last time she would see it. For so many years, she thought it had been her own. Now she understood that was only half true. The rippling face looked back at her, lines of defeat carved in her cheeks and hopelessness in her eyes. The pony before Sunset looked like she had already lost the battle.
Her face twisted and sneered at her. What’s the matter, Sunset? You don’t like the truth?
Sunset struck out and slapped the water, snarling in disgust, while the reflection just laughed.
How does it feel to know your hero lied to you all these years? You’re nothing more than a shadow! An echo across time! The real you is right: everything about you is borrowed. You poor, poor little hand-me-down.
“Shut up! I’m not a hand-me-down! I’m a pony! I am a pony!”
You’re a scapegoat!
Sunset pressed her hooves against her ears, but it did nothing to drown out her shadow’s laughter. She was more than just an accident; she was more than just a reincarnation; she was more than just a scapegoat… she had to be. She was more than just a recycled life, a phantom so full of hatred she forced herself to be born again… wasn’t she?
But no matter how many times she repeated it, it never stuck. She wasn’t her own pony. Everything she owned was borrowed from her previous, twisted life. Even her very soul was just something borrowed.
Her soul.
She could feel it writhing and seething with anger, hate and sorrow. How much of it was hers and how much belonged to the other Sunset? How much was just emotion carried over? Or did it even matter? Right then and there, Sunset could take all of it for herself. Her life had been nothing more than a half-truth at best—a private joke for Princess Twilight.
Sunset reached down for her hourglass and ripped the cord from around her neck. She placed it in one hoof and leaned back, ready to throw it as far as she could into the pond. It meant nothing now. She could never return home, for there was nothing to go back home to. Her destiny had been sealed the second she had left. Or maybe it had been sealed the moment she had been born.
The hourglass sat in her hoof, waiting to be thrown. Sunset gritted her teeth, tensing every muscle in her foreleg. She held that position for eons, growing more and more determined to be rid of the horrid machination. But it never left her grip.
Sunset brought it down and hugged it tight against her chest, warm tears falling on top of its golden plates. “I can’t do it, I can’t, I just can’t,” she sobbed. She hated the stupid hourglass so much... It was nothing more than an empty promise now. Yet it was the last thing she had of her old life, her last link to normalcy.
She watched the sand fall down into the bottom half. That was her. She was the bottom bulb and Vesper was the top. Everything that had been Vesper’s fell into hers. Only her friends and family had belonged strictly to Sunset.
That was it. Her mom and dad, her friends; those were the only things she could claim as her own. And she had been forced to give them up. She would have to create a future where she never existed and they never got to know her. They would forget about Sunset Shimmer.
Raindrops fell out of the stony sky in earnest now, finally picking up into a heavy drizzle. Sunset didn’t care. She sat in her spot in the grass, clutching the hourglass to her barrel like it would try to run away. The rainwater merged with her tears and soaked her face while her mane stuck to her cheeks in thick ropes.
She took small comfort knowing that those tears were hers alone.