From eating breakfast to waiting for the bus to entering the classroom, Luna and I didn't talk much due to what happen that morning. Great job there brain, fan-fucking-tastic. Of all possible time to give me a lucid dream, you gave me one WHEN the Dream Mistress is staying with me, great job. Now she'll hate me forever.
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Homeroom
When I entered the classroom, I was expecting to see Mr. Lawrence standing in front of the classroom, taking everybody's attendance. But instead, Mr. Reeve, the Spanish teacher, was in his place.
"Ah! Dixon! I am surprised that you didn't bring any destruction to the school property on your way in." He said in an ominous tone when he noticed me entering. This was accompanied by a few snickers and giggles. Really? Does he have to bring that up? It happened so long ago and it wasn't my fault! It was an accident!
"Actually, that's because I'm-"
"Gay!" A voice from behind called out. Even without looking, I know that it's Brandon, the troublemaker and 'so-called' class clown. He's the most annoying person in the entire classroom, and possibly, the whole school. Next to the Three Stooges, he held the 2nd record for most detention hours in school for 'Inappropriate comments' the Principal would say. He also had this very childish voice that made him as if he was 10 years old. If people say that they're an adult trapped in a teens body, then Brandon would be a kid trapped in a teens body.
"You know what Brandon…" I turned around and said.
"Yesh? Titface?"
"You smell."
"Like garlic bread?"
"No, like err..." I thought hard, trying to think of something worse than garlic bread.
"Strawberries?" One of the girls answered randomly.
An awkward silence filled the room, did she seriously just say that Brandon smelled like strawberries? Seriously? I didn’t get much time to contemplate on it however, the classroom door was suddenly kicked open and a student came in. Even thought he was late by a good 10 minutes, he still strolled to his desk casually and sat down as if he wasn't late at all.
“Xavier?” Mr. Reeve said with a sigh. “May I please hear your ridiculous excuse for-"
"Gee! Now that you menshioned it!" He then brought out a small laptop and began to type in some random stuff in it as he explained. "I jush recalled hacking the Source engine to recreate the events of the Great Depression in 1930s! It was simple, I jush had to access the directory fold-"
"Wow, that sounds gayer than tits!" Brandon called out.
"Titsh aren't gay noob." Xavier turned around and pointed at Brandon.
"Please put your notebook away Xavier or I'll be forced to confiscate it. And Brandon?" MrReeve sighed. "Please stop making inappropriate comments from now on would you?"
"Elmer?" Mr. Reeve said, looking at the attendance list.
"I'm Elmuuuurrrrrrr." The weird kid in the class said. "Elmer J. Fapp!"
"AHAHAHAHA! FAPP! HAHAHA! YOU'RE SO FUNNY! HAHAHA! No." Brandon broke into a fit of laughter for a while before acting slightly more mature, but only for a second.
"Dixon?"
"Here." I raised my hand.
"Brandon?"
"Brandon's not here! Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
"That's Brandon." I said pointing behind at Brandon, who is still making the annoying sound.
"I figured just as much." Mr. Reeve sighed. Wow, Mr. Reeve must have got the worst job in the world. To face immature dumbasses everyday, it's a wonder why he hasn't quit yet.
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Algebra
Later, we found out that Mr. Lawrence called in sick today. We had a substitute teacher called Mr. Higgs. Brandon decided to give him the nickname, Mr. Tits. Ugh, the kind of immature stuff I have to deal with every day.
"These sums remind me of my buddy Slim." A student commented.
"Slim?" I said. "As in like Slim Jim?" Sorry, I had to do it.
*Ba dum tss*
"Dixon!" Brandon yelled. "You're not allowed to make jokes anymore!"
"Says who?"
"Sayz meh!" Brandon pointed at himself.
"Ahem...Brandon?" Mr. Ti-I mean, Higgs called out. "Please keep your voice down. Others are trying to concentrate so please be considerate."
"Whatever you say...Mr. Titts!” one of the most annoying sounds in the universe came out of his mouth right then as far as I could tell it was supposed to be a snicker.
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"Hey guys, the name's Xavier, AKA Xavier 3.10 on Steam and I'm a major leet hax!"
"I leet hax'd your mom!" Brandon said when we were walking to our next class.
"NO!" Xavier exclaimed. "My mom hash a firewall!"
"If you understand the term 'L33T', then it's obvious that I past the firewall!"
"You know what? I'm gonna leet hax you." Xavier then pulled out his phone and began typing in it. In a few minutes later, Brandon's phone began to play message notifications over and over again.
"Dude! What the fuck?!" He exclaimed when he looked at his phone. "Stop it!"
"Ever met such immature individuals like him before?" I whispered to Luna. She gave no reply.
Oh yeah, she's still mad at me.
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During Lunch...
I gave Luna all my lunch in an attempt to calm her down, well I hoped it would calm her down. That's a peanut butter, Nutella and jam sandwich right there Princess Luna!
"As I was saying, that ginger Alvin claimed that he saw a horse with Dixon! Can you believe that shit? A HORSE? AHAHAHAA! A FUCKING PEGASUS? WAHAHAHAAHA!" Brandon laughed hysterically when he finished.
"Actually, there’s a difference between a ginger and a redhead. In fact, the difference is so obvious! That the only reason why someone would confuse the both of them together is because he’s-"
"GAY!"
"Like you!" I said pointing a finger at Brandon. He looked confused for a while before asking in a more normal tone.
"How exactly am I gay?"
"Because you always use the word every five seconds!"
1...2...3...4...
"Gaaaay?"
*facepalm*
"I like crabcore." A random student declared.
"What the hell is crabcore? Sounds like a name of a bad rock band."
"It's when you get really down low, and strum a guitar at dick level."
"Not if the dick's on your face!" Brandon flailed his arms about.
"Vagina counts too."
"Oh, okay."
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Biology
"Alright class, take out your notebook or a piece of paper as we're about to take notes for this lesson."
"Oh, notes!" Brandon exclaimed. "HA! I thought you said nose! I mean like, who will take someone's nose that's kinda gay!"
"And you're kinda bald."
"So are you! Mr. Thompson!"
Uh oh, Mr. Thompson doesn't like it when someone tells him about his receding hairline. It makes him all defensive about what's left of his hair for the rest of the class.
"I have hair! See?SEE?!" He pointed to the back of his head."
"Umm... that's called balding."
"OKAY! BACK TO THE NOTES CLASS!" Mr. Thompson yelled.
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Spanish
"So Dixon, do you know this one?" Mr. Reeve asked.
Um, what? Oh crap, I wasn't paying attention! Think quick!
"No, but I can tell you something you don't know!"
"HE'S A PONYFAG! WAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHA!" Brandon suddenly yelled.
"You're a furfag." I retaliated.
"You're both fagsh!" Xavier yelled.
"Oh, okay, sorry. WAHAHAHAAHA!"
"Brandon, would you like a detention slip?" Mr. Reece asked.
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RING!!!
School's over, and she's still giving me the cold shoulder! She must be really mad and is seriously pissed off at me. I have to find some way to calm her down...like...like a big jar of Nutella! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Really? A jar of Nutella? That's all I could think of? Might as well give her a 'I'm Sorry That I Dreamt of Fucking You" card? NO! WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN! What kind of ideas are you giving me? Think, think think!
"Hey! Have you ever played the game Second Life?" Xavier asked.
"More like No Life!" Brandon laughed.
The verbal 'exchange' continued for what seems like forever even when I stepped out into the school parking lot. Am I the only one in this school with a sense of maturity?
"As I was saying, I just-" Xavier stopped in his tracks and looked in front for a while before turning a 180 and ran off.
"See ya suckers!" He said as he ran in the opposite direction.
"What's his problem?" Brandon asked before looking in front and did the exact same thing.
"Dude, what?" I asked. What the hell are they running away from?
"Dixon, look!"
Luna finally talked to me for the first time since the start of the school. I turned my head and then realized why. It was the Three Stooges again, well not three since Isaac wasn't around. But even without their leader, the Asshole and Dickhead were still intimidating by their own. They were waiting at the school entrance, no doubt waiting for me.
Alright, you've pissed them off so time to find another exit. Just did what Xavier and Brandon did, pulled a 180 and walk away.
I backed away from the two and turned around. Now I just need to walk away before one of them sees-
"YOU!"
Oh...shit.
"RUN LIKE HELL!" I took off to my feet and ran as fast as I could.
"HOLY DOG SHIT!"
"You worship the excrement of a dog?"
"NO! IT'S AN EXPRESSION FOR SHOCK AND SOME OTHER STUFF!" I said as I ran.
I really need to get out more often; this is the third time this week that I'm running already! This is going to take a huge toil on my legs. My kneecaps will buckle if this keeps happening for the rest of the week! I ran into an alleyway hoping it will lead to a shortcut, I hope it is! Don't be a dead end, don't be a dead end, don't be a dead end please! Apparently, I might have a 75% chance of my prayers being answered. But I guess today just wasn't my luck, it was a dead end and I can hear the two closing in on me by the second.
"We're fucked."
Goodbye world, it was nice knowing ya.
"SO! THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE SHIT!" I could hear the roar of the Asshole behind me.
"You're a looooong way from Asia boy!" Richard cracked his knuckles.
"H-hey! I assure you that I'm 100% American born! Maybe50%chinesebutwhatever. And don't go hating on people just because of their heritage!" I trembled.
"A-and where's the Cu-I mean Isaac?"
"Oh he's in the hospital getting his...vagina cleaned or some shit."
"He had some stupid illness, so he ain't going to join us. So we decided, that we'll teach you a lesson from running away from us on Tuesday on his behalf!"
"Well he can go fuck himself." I said unconsciously before covering my mouth with my hand.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE SHIT?!"
"I TAKE THAT BACK!" I immediately exclaimed.
"TOO FUCKING LATE, WE HEARD THAT! NO ONE TELLS THE BOSS TO GO FUCK HIMSELF!"
"And if someone says that, we'll FUCK HIM UP!"
I don't know if you can hear this Luna, but if you can, please help me.
"After what happened at break of dawn, you still expect me to help you?"
I'll do anything! Preen your wings! Brush your mane! Suck your- wait, that's wrong. Just help me! Pleeeease!
"Hmm... fine. Put me in a location away from their eyes and I shall help you in your current predicament. "
I took my cap off my head and put it behind my back, I could feel it turning into mist and flowing right out of my hand and down my leg. The dark blue coloured mist then slithered across the ground like a snake and appeared behind the duo silently. The mist then came together and Luna appeared behind the two, she lit up her horn and got ready.
"Any last words DICK?"
"Umm...Err..."
As Jack was about to give me one of his famous knuckle sandwich, he immediately stopped in mid track and seemed to be staring at midair. When Richard noticed it, he immediately gave him a kick in his butt in an attempt to snap him out of it, but Jack still stood there, staring off into blank space.
"REALLY?! WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! DO I HAVE TO DO THIS BY MYSELF?" He exclaimed. Looking at me, he sighed as he pulled up his sleeves and get ready to punch me while muttering under his breath about it being the last time he's eating a peanut butter and weed sandwich.
"Say goodbye to your kneecap chucklehead!"
He then swung his fist forward and I closed my eyes, bracing for the impact and the sound of my nose breaking.
I waited...and waited... and waited...
The impact never came. When I opened my eyes, Richard was just standing there with his fist just in front of my nose, a few centimetres closer and my nose would have been smashed to smithereens. He was just standing there as if he was posing as a sculpture for the greatest Dickhead on Earth.
"What the heck?" I said as I noticed Luna wasn't where she was a few seconds ago.
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Richard and Jack opened their eyes and found themselves standing in a surreal realm of nothingness, just like Squidward found himself in in the SpongeBob Squarepants episode, SB-129.
"Dude, where the fuck are we?" Jack asked.
"The fuck do I know? I remembered that we were about to give Dicks a good beating."
"What the fuck is going on?"
"What is going on…Why, it is just your worst NIGHTMARE!" A voice boomed.
The duo looked around, searching for the source of the terrifying voice they just heard.
"W-who said that?! I-I have a fist right here and I'm not afraid to use it!"
"Uh-huh! H-he's not afraid to use it on you! W-whatever you are!"
"SILENCE! You had tried to bring harm to my friend Dixon and for that, you shall be dealt with severely!"
Immediately, the realm melted and the duo found themselves in a completely different place. The two looked around for a while before Richard screamed.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT IN THE UNHOLY NAME OF ASS IS THAT FUCKNESS!?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jack asked. "What do you mean by-" He saw what Richard was pointing at and froze.
"NO! NOT THAT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! NOT THAT MONSTROSITY!" He screamed.
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Meanwhile...
I stared at what is supposed to be two of the most notorious school bullies in the world, now thrashing on the ground and screaming for their mommy.
"NO! NOT HONEY BOO-BOO! NOT THAT!" Jack screamed.
"NOT HER MOM! NOT THE DOUBLE CHIN! IT’S THE THING!"
"Well that's some pretty embarrassing stuff right there. I didn't know you were afraid of Honey Boo-Boo, Jack." I remarked.
"NO! NOT THE BOOTY WARRIOR! DON'T RUIN MY BUTT! DON'T RUIN MY BUTT!"
"You can do this the easy way or it hard way. The choice is yours." Back in my mind, I could almost hear the war cry of the Booty Warrior from The Boondocks, "IMA WARRIOR!"
You better not shout, you better not cry
Bite on a pillow. He's going in dry
"IT'S JUST A DREAM! IT'S JUST A DREAM! NO! NOT THE BEES! THEY'RE IN MY ASS! MY ASS! RAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
"You can say that Richard isn't,"
*puts on sunglasses*
"beelieving it."
YEEAAHHHHHH!!!!!
"SPIDERS! SPIDERS! EEEEEE!!!!!!"
Oh yeah, listening to Richard screaming like a baby is music to my ears. After all these time, these two assholes finally got what they richly deserved since the beginning. At the same time, remind me to never ever piss of Luna again, who knows what nightmares she could plant in my mind. Ugh.
"Alright Luna, you can stop now." I said.
The thrashing and screaming stopped immediately. Richard and Jack both opened their eyes in cold sweat and stared at me in horror.
"Come on, I don't have all day." I taunted.
"AAAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The two of them immediately got to their feet and ran off so fast; you'd think that they're being chased by a serial killer.
"Well it was fun when it lasted, right Luna?" I asked, expecting Luna to show up in front of me. But instead, she showed up behind me and almost gave me a major heart attack.
"Jesus, you got to stop appearing behind me all the time, you got that?"
"You should have expected my arrival prior."
"True, true." I agreed. Taking a deep breath, I asked. "Now will you please forgive me?"
At first, the look in her eyes made me regret asking that. But the look eventually disappeared and she replied.
"Only on one condition."
"Yes, yes I know." I sighed, expecting this condition. "I will never, ever think or dream of you in such dirty manner from now."
"How can I be assured that you will keep your words?"
"I swear on my Burning Flames Team Captain that I'll keep this promise." I was trying to be sincere, but all it did was to give me a raised eyebrow from Luna which she didn't understand the meaning for.
"Or in a more familiar term... Cross my heart and hope to fly" I said as I did the actions."Stick a cupcake in my eye. There! Is that enough?"
"It would most certainly do. Now shall we return?" She said as she turned back into the cap.
"Alright, let's go." I said as I placed the cap upon my head and walked out of the alleyway into the streets, heading for home.
To quote the Soldier from TF2, I can definitely say that "Today is a good day!"...well...sort of. At least she ain't mad at me no more.