//------------------------------// // a disagreement with fists // Story: when slenderman left me in paradise // by Jimbob //------------------------------// [Knight] {My response} “Why is it that every house here must have something odd about it?” “What are you talking about?” “Oh you just the house over there MADE OUT OF GINGERBREAD AND OTHER CANDY ACCESSORIES” “Oh well that’s where Pinkie Pie lives and works” Twilight said that like it explained everything I needed to know about the gingerbread house. “Oh well that just explains everything doesn’t it?” “Okay sugarcube the thing about Pinkie is that’s she’s a baker and a little bit hyper” well at least Applejack understood my confusion. “Thank you AJ, the whole baker part makes sense and Twilight I thought you said we were going to meet Rarity next” “Well Pinkie’s house was on the way” Right, Ok preparing for massive brain overload due to quick talking. [Oh how bad could it be?] {Stop trying to jinx me!} Twilight walked into the shop followed by Applejack I hesitated I mean look how every other pony reacted to me I really didn’t want to be attacked by pastries again. Oh well I’ve came this far might as well commit. [Wait this is a pastry shop?! OH PLEASE HAVE MUFFINS!] {That would be a pleasant surprise} I walked into the shop preparing for nothing short of all-out war so you can understand that I was surprised when Pinkie didn’t scream and grab the nearest knife. “Umm hi my names Jake I’m a human” I said extending my hand “HIMYNAMESPINKIEPIEBUTYOUCANCALLMEPINKIE! DOYOULIKEPARTIESWITHCUPCAKES?” [MAKE IT STOP!] {Told you so!} I must have looked quite confused because Twilight giggled and tried to calm Pinkie down. “Ok Pinkie slow it down I think you may have lost him there” “Nonsense it’s a pleasure to meet you Pinkie Pie and yes I do like parties with cupcakes” Pinkie ignored my hand and straight up tackle hugged me sending us both flying to the ground. “YAY! I made a new friend that wants to party!” she jumped up and started bouncing up and down in blatant ‘fuck you physics I do what I want’ manner. “We have to wait to have a party!” not wanting to hurt Pinkie’s feelings I told her it would have to wait till the townsfolk got used to me. “Okey dokey lokie but then it will have to be a huge party, ok?” “Sounds wonderful” I had always wanted to have a party hosted by the 4th wall breaking pony. “Sorry Pinkie I told Jake we were going to go meet Rarity” “Ok bye Applejack, bye Twilight, bye Jakey-wakey” [Jakey-wakey? Lame] “Well I like it!” Pinkie yelled as we headed out the door. [Dude did she just….?] {What is this I don’t even…?} [WHY CAN THE PONIES READ OUR MIND!?] {I DON’T KNOW ALSO, FUCK YEAH CAPSLOCK!} We began to walk down the street again while I tried to take note of potential areas for a forge and building. “Hey Twi does this town have a blacksmith?” “No we just buy most of our metal stuff from traveling salesponies or Canterlot, why?” “Oh just thinking of way I could make some cash” “They’re called bits, but a blacksmith would probably make a lot out here since salesponies charge ridiculous prices and nopony has time to go to Canterlot” “Cool I’ll just need to find a place to set up” “Well there is some land for sale out towards the Everfree forest but it’s pretty dangerous out there” “Oh I’m sure I’ll be fine” I smiled darkly thinking of the outcome of any Manticores trying to attack me. About this time I noticed a rather large building that was purple and white. “Here we are welcome to Rarity’s Boutique” Twilight said with a little apprehension. “You sound nervous” “Well sugarcube the thing about Rarity is she might not appreciate the clothes you’re wearing” great AJ sounded nervous too. “Well you two could head in there and explain the situation to her and I’ll wait out here” plus I was gonna take a quick fly around I had been itching to use my new wings. “you sure?’ Twilight seemed too think I was helpless or something. “Yeah I’ll be just fine” “Ok we’ll come get you when we’re ready ok?” I gave her a thumbs up as she and Applejack headed inside. They closed the door and I was off like a rocket. It felt just like my dreams I did a quick little air lap and landed back down in front of Rarity’s house. Too be quite honest everything was going better then I had planned I was still alive, had met three of the mane six, and had wings. Good days so far except for the whole Big Mac putting me in the hospital thing. Of course about this time I noticed that there were about a dozens ponies in light blue armor marching down the street. “Well this is new” oh shit were they the police? Fuck that I was so not going to pony jail hell I wasn’t going to any jail. The ponies quickly surrounded me and a rather large pony stepped forward. He was wearing a blue cap with a shiny silver star on it and had an ‘I’m better than you and always get what I want’ smile on his face. I had the overpowering urge to slap his shit. “Sir you are to lay down any weapons and come with us under order of the Ponyville mayor” the mayor? Oh hell no, I wasn’t going anywhere with these little pony fucks with anything less then a direct order from the Princesses themselves. “And why does the mayor want me?” “For creating chaos and scaring ponies in her town now you will accompany me to the jail” “No I think I’d rather not” I said in my best posh accent. That startled them; apparently everypony had always done what the police had said. I wonder how they will try to deal with me? I hope violently, just give me an excuse to knock that jackass look of his face. {Do you think we could make a police baton?} [Hell yeah get me to a shadow and game on!] {Done} “If you continue to resist then we will be forced to use force” “Come at me bro” with that I tackled the nearest pony and ran straight towards a nearby alley. “Idiot now you’re trapped and surrounded” true that he had a good five Pegasus in the air above me and the rest watching the entrance to the alley. I didn’t care I just wanted to knock that goddamn smile of his face. I looked him in the eyes and started to smile without even looking down I shoved my hand elbow deep in the shadows there and pulled out a dark baton. He wasn’t looking so confident now in fact he looked scared and the ponies behind him were shuffling nervously. “What’s the matter I’m surrounded and cornered what could possibly go wrong?” he ordered his ponies to pull out their tasers. They charged forward and I set into them with a fury. I dropped two ponies with quick bashes to the head and dodge a third who took a swipe at me with his taser. I brought my arm back up hitting the pony’s arm and set the taser flying right into my palm. I quickly jabbed forward and gave the pony a good five second burst for his efforts. A Pegasus flew in from behind and hit me square in the back, knocking me down the other ponies took advantage of this and quickly began tasing me repeatedly. Those tasers must have been low grade because all they did was piss me off. I swung my arm around and hit the nearest pony straight in the head with my baton while I brought my left arm up and tasered another. I got up while they had taken cover from my baton and planted a kick right in the chest of a nearby officer. {Yeah this probably doing wonders for the scared citizens I’m sure they’ll love me after this} [Less talky, more fighty] There were only four ponies left, three Pegasus and their asshole boss. One of the Pegasus tried to rush me from behind I dodge to the left and grabbed their mane. “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” I said as I twisted to the side using the pony’s momentum against it to slam them into the brick wall. I wasted no time flying into the air and grabbing the other two ponies and slammed them into each other and threw them to the ground. Now it was just me and the boss who now looked terrified and about to run for his life. I grabbed him by his neck and lifted him till we were eye to eye “You dun goofed” with that I slammed him head first into the ground. I headed back over towards Rarity’s when I noticed Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity all running straight towards me. “Jake what happened?!” Twilight didn’t seem to care about the cop ponies she just seemed more concerned that my bandage was quickly becoming soaked with blood again. “Nothing someponies thought I needed to go see the mayor and I disagreed and we voiced our opinions with our fist or hooves I guess” “YOU FOUGHT THE POLICE!?” “It was more like a massacre of the police besides I didn’t care much for the attitude of the officer over there” I said pointing to the pony that had a now crumpled hat and rather large bump on his head. “That doesn’t mean you can beat them up!” “I know that but I wasn’t about to go to jail because nopony was listening to my story and thought I was a monster” “So you beat them up?” “Yep” “NOW THEY HAVE A REASON TO ACTUALLY COME ARREST YOU! ” “I CAN YELL TOO! Plus I don’t think they’re gonna be trying to arrest me anytime soon especially considering I decide to use non-lethal force this time” I made sure I said that loud enough so any conscious ponies could hear me. “Fine we’ll have to send a letter to Princess Celestia about this” she made it sound like it was her fault. “Calm down Twilight I’m sure that she’ll understand that I had no desire to go to jail and that these ponies weren’t seeing reason she is very smart after all” ok so I was petting her ego, so sue me. “Now are you going to introduce me to your friend” I asked looking at Rarity. “Oh Rarity this is Jake, Jake this is Rarity” “Charmed to meet you ma’am” I said giving a low bow. “Like-wise now please follow me into my shop and away from all this dirt and blood” “Applejack could you go get some doctors and get them up here?” twilight didn’t seem as keen on leaving the po-po here as I was. “Sure thing sugarcube” Applejack ran back towards the hospital while I, Twilight, and Rarity all headed into the shop. Oh I hope she doesn’t take as long measuring people as everybody says she does.