I've been through the Night as a Horse with no Name
The light from the early morning sun cascaded through the window, faint birdsong not long behind it. I couldn't fall back asleep, not that I wanted to. Maybe I overreacted a bit calling myself 'crazy', but 'revisionist amnesiac' didn't occur to me until later. After calming down a bit from my revelation, I had wandered back to bed only to pass the rest of the night staring with tired eyes at the ceiling.
"Twenty-six." My voice sounded hollow.
How many times are you going to number the ceiling tiles?
"Twenty-seven."
They haven't changed.
"Twenty-eight."
Have you?
I stopped counting. Have I changed? The thought rang in my head. Obviously I had, but what did I really mean? I could no longer deny to myself that any number of my memories could be false, but at the same time how I've been acting was no different from what I remembered. What's more, I've not had any lapse in logic either. What is anyone other than a personality and their experiences? Just because you forget your keys, doesn't make you someone else. An ecstatic grin inched its way across my face as I started to laugh, harder and more genuine than I have in a long time.
"My operating system is fine!" I roared in triumph, thrusting my forelegs into the air. "Thank the maker that only the storage drive was corrupted!"
A faint cough from somewhere on my left caused my ear to swivel, head following reflexively after it. The lavender and purple unicorn from the day before was suddenly occupying the doorway. Her head was tilted, caught in a mix of expressions between curiosity and trepidation.
"Sorry, I uhh-" My smile faded as I cleared my throat, both trying and failing to invent a way to make this less awkward. When in doubt, restart the conversation. "Hello, Miss Sparkle." I folded my hoof across my face, as much a method to collect myself as it was to hide my burning embarrassment. "I didn't see you there."
"Obviously not," Twilight softly chuckled as her hoofsteps approached. Lowering my foreleg, I could see she was wearing a set of saddlebags emblazoned with a six pointed starburst.
"Well," I continued, coughing nervously, "What brought you back so soon?"
"Dr. Trotson asked if I could do a little research on your condition." Her eyes had grown slightly wider, if that was even possible, "So far I've exhausted every one of the academic texts on the matter, and all that's left is to question you." Twilight looked at me expectantly before quickly adding, "-oh! If that's alright, that is."
I nodded my agreement at which she beamed, clapping her hooves together in excitement. Her eyes closed momentarily as a shimmering nimbus of violet surrounded her horn, a matching glow enveloping her left satchel. The flap opened on its own, and a roll of parchment, a feather quill, and a capped inkwell literally levitated their way out of her bag. The vial of ink set itself down on the bedside table, opening to allow the plumed stylus access. Now primed, the implement hovered at the ready in front of the likewise floating parchment, both still wrapped in effervescent violet.
"Now," Twilight quipped, gleefully oblivious to the marvel she was performing. "How would you describe your pre-lucent event memories with respect to those of yesterday?"
"Unbelievable..." I whispered, jaw slack with ...well... disbelief.
"That's one way of looking at them, I suppose. Much more progressive than I would have-"
"No, wait. Hold up, full stop!" My brain was having trouble parsing what it had just seen, and this mare was acting like nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Oh? Did you think of something?" Twilight asked, her quill fervently scratching out notes on the hovering paper.
"Yes! ... wait, no ... I mean-" I stammered, struggling with the clutch on my train of thought. Not about to let a mental misfire slow me down, I quickly snatched the sheet away from the glowing field. "This! Explain! How?!" I punctuated every word as I waved the parchment back and forth.
She blinked a few times before raising one eyebrow incredulously, "Object levitation and manipulation?"
I nodded in what I hoped was a very determined yet inquisitive expression, but with how my luck's been going I probably more closely resembled a lunatic.
"It's just magic," Twilight replied matter-of-factly behind a modest smile.
"Seriously?" My calm was starting to fray; lack of sleep, memory loss, and unicorns will do that to anyone. "You did not just say it was magic..."
"What's wrong with magic?" she challenged, evidently picking up on my sarcasm.
"Because just saying 'it's magic' doesn't explain anything! Magic is just a word used by charlatans and those unwilling to learn how the world actually works." I let my frustration spill out through my words, "I don't want the trick, I want to know how it's done! Where is the force coming from? Are there magnets hidden in there, or maybe strings too small to see? Air currents? What?"
Twilight had taken a few steps back during my tirade. I must have hit a nerve somewhere because she looked at me with eyes both wounded and full of ire. "Magic is real," she spoke through grit teeth. "Does this look like just a trick to you?"
That was all the warning I received before her horn lit up, my entire field of view covered with that same violet iridescence. I yelped in surprise as the bed fell out from under me. My legs flailed about, wings awkwardly flapping in an attempt to right myself, but it was of no use. The room hung upside down, or rather I did, as I slowly floated over to be face to face with Twilight. I was entirely at her mercy.
I swallowed hard.
"Well?" she paused, impatiently awaiting a response.
"You're doing this all on your own?" I breathed.
"Yes."
"No tricks, magnets, wires or the like? Just a physical force holding me aloft?"
"That's correct."
"That's ... amazing!" My mouth curled up into a face-breaking smile.
"What?" she gasped. I barely managed to catch Twilight's expression as it pulled a one-eighty before the diffuse purple glow abruptly vanished, leaving me in a free fall that the floor was oh so happy to save me from.
"Oh!" Twilight flinched, covering her mouth, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to drop-"
"It's fine," I groaned, waving my hoof at her reassuringly. "I probably deserved that." Turning my head, I addressed the ground, "Although we have got to stop meeting like this..." My neck released a few satisfying pops as I worked out the kinks before attempting to roll over.
Her gaze remained off to the side. "Still, I shouldn't have lost my concentration like that."
"No, I'm the one who should apologize." I carefully planted my hooves and stood up, taking some satisfaction in the fact that I only wobbled a little bit. My back still twinged with the aftereffects of the impact, "I've never seen ... that before, or at least not that I can remember. I never even thought it was possible."
"You've really never witnessed unicorn magic before?" Her voice carried the same incredulous tone that mine had only moments prior. I could almost see the gears turning in her head by the way her eyes slightly unfocused. The glow returned as she collected the parchment from where I dropped it.
"Afraid not, you're the first," I smiled, "but I meant what I said before." Twilight glanced over at me quizzically. "Could you ... tell me how it works?"
"Magic?" she asked, setting the paper down on the table.
"If there's more you don't have to go into it, but maybe just the levitation," I absently scratched the floor with a hoof, "if it's not too much trouble."
"You're actually interested to know how, even though you're not a unicorn?" Her eyes narrowed a bit, a hint of a smirk playing across her features.
I nodded, "I'm not a magnet, but that didn't stop me from learning about electromagnetism." Speaking of which, that had better not be one of my false memories or there will be hell to pay.
Twilight chuckled, "I suppose not, far be it from me to stifle anypony's scientific curiosity."
"The science of magic," I mused. "What's that called anyway?"
"Thaumaturgy, in the most general sense, with the specific types of magic and individual disciplines each having their own of course, but we won't bother with that right now." The shimmer reappeared on her horn as the quill hovered into view between us. It spun slowly, taunting me with promises of comprehension.
"In order for a unicorn to manipulate an object, they need to focus the magic fields through their horn such that it interacts with the object in question." Twilight recited, obviously quoting from some text long since committed to memory. "Once established, changes to the strength and orientation of the fields cause corresponding shifts in the motion and orientation of the object."
"Then your horn functions as a sort of magical antenna, radiating those fields outward?" I speculated, gently prodding the floating pinion.
"That's not a bad analogy. Actually," she tapped a hoof to her chin, "they do behave almost identically, with the exception that horns are capable of multiple magical field emissions simultaneously."
"Aha!" I laughed as it finally clicked, "So that's what I was missing! I wondered how you were able to isolate the effect onto one object and not everything within range. You must be setting up multiple overlapping fields so that they destructively interfere everywhere else, don't you?"
For a moment, Twilight's smile nearly rivaled that of Pinkie's, "Yes! That's it exactly!" She let out a girlish squeal, "You have no idea how long it's been since I had a chance to talk with somepony more interested in how magic works rather than just what it can do." The quill set itself down on the bed as Twilight released her hold on it.
"That reminds me," I mumbled, taking more confident albeit still clumsy steps over to the bedside table. I reached out for the thankfully still empty glass and grabbed it from the top as before. Cup in hoof, I started to turn back around towards Twilight only to be reminded by gravity that I was currently a tripod. "Shit," the curse flew out from under my breath while I instinctively braced for the collision with my unoccupied foreleg. Only, the painful reunion between face and floor never came.
I was aware that my muscles were tensed with a flexing strain almost like doing a push-up. Opening my eyes cautiously, I glanced down only to see my wings at full extension supporting me off the ground. "Well, that's a new one..."
"Are you alright?" Twilight asked, her mirth momentarily suspended as she craned her neck to get a better look.
"It's nothing. I'm just a little accident prone, that's all." I put my empty hoof down and straightened up, my wings quickly beating out any lingering stiffness before I returned them to their folded position. How can they possibly be that strong? I mean, I must weigh- My head shook as I manually rebooted. Focus! Twilight now, wings later. I held up the glass where she could see it and carefully relaxed my grip until it hung suspended nearly half an inch below my hoof.
"The field I'm using to keep this cup in the air, is it the same kind of magic field your horn produces?" I squinted intently at the glass, my concentration fixed on keeping it from falling any further.
"The type of field is the same, but the shape is not," she explained, carrying the same smile as before. "Where the fields generated by a horn are radial and very precise, those are unidirectional and rather indiscriminate..." Her voice trailed off as she leaned in closer. "You have a remarkable amount of control over it though. What do you do for a living?"
I pulled the glass back in hoof so I wouldn't need to focus on it. "Well, if those memories are to be believed, then I was a graduate student and research assistant. I mostly studied cosmology, electrodynamics, and solid state physics." My eyes found the floor rather quickly. I'd never been one for talking much about myself, whether boasting or not.
"So you were a scholar? Not terribly surprising, really, and the subjects make sense too." Twilight murmured half to herself as if she was working down a mental checklist. I didn't hear what she started saying next as my attention drifted back to the glass I was still holding, or more accurately, to the hoof beneath it.
A uniform field, huh? That sounds an awful lot like those generated by a capacitor plate, if you neglect the edge cases. I turned the glass sideways, so my hoof was on the right. Wait. Twilight said unidirectional, not uniform. Is the field only attractive? I forgot to stifle my pensive hum and immediately regretted it as I froze while the sensation of my ears falling flat only served to heighten my unease. I glanced up warily, completely expecting to see an irritated mare upset at being ignored. Instead, Twilight hadn't noticed at all, her nose remained buried in a scroll while both quill and parchment worked in tandem beside her.
I breathed a sigh of relief, quite sure that I had just dodged a bullet, and a magic one at that. With my heart still dumping velocity from its panic induced overdrive, I returned to the glass I held in front of me. That's one crisis avoided. Now where was I before- ah! Capacitors. They're not limited to only one type of charge so the field is reversible. I brought my hoof closer as I studied it. So what makes this different? Is it the fact that I'm 'charging' it by muscle action? I suppose that's a possibility since muscles are limited to only contractive force. After all, it's a whole separate set that open the fing-
With an explosive sound of shattering glass, the cup was rendered into shards after colliding with the unforgiving wall. I was dimly aware of Twilight's startled cry as I stared dumbfounded at my now awfully vacant hoof.
"What happened?" she gasped, trading glances between me and the ruined vessel.
"I think I reversed the polarity of the neutron flow ..." I mumbled absently, finally releasing the breath I had been holding. At first I thought she was going to correct me over that quote, but the way her eyes lingered on my upturned hoof told me she knew exactly what I meant.
"That's unusual," Twilight murmured, beginning to collect the fragments of glass. "N-not to say that you're unusual!" she stammered as her eyes went wide, doing her best to keep the hoof out of her mouth. "I mean, you are, but that's not what I-"
"How's my patient doing?" came a cheery greeting from outside. The lab coated doctor smiled upon seeing us as he walked in, "Up and about I see! That's good. Was that crash I heard from in here?"
"Sorry, that was my fault," I said, nervously scratching the back of my neck while deftly avoiding eye contact, "The glass kind of ... got away from me."
"Nothing to worry about, so long as nopony got hurt. Can't have that in a hospital now can we?" Dr. Trotson snickered at his attempt at a joke before addressing Twilight, "Anyway, miss Sparkle, did you have any luck narrowing down our friend's mysterious ailment?"
"Oh! Yes," she quickly turned around and gathered up her notes in that violet glow. "After combing through the books I had on hand, and few rush requests from Canterlot, I reduced the possibilities down to two: Khron's Affliction, or just amnesia coupled with an active imagination." I couldn't help but shudder. Named sicknesses are never a good sign.
Dr. Trotson made his way over to me, "You can continue, miss Sparkle. I'm just checking on his bandages."
Twilight nodded, "So I needed to either confirm it was Khron's or find something that proved it couldn't be." A green bound tome reminiscent of an encyclopedia floated its way out of her left saddlebag. The pages fluttered past as it opened up to a ribbon marked page. I tilted my head to get a good look at the title, Elminster's Compendium of Eldritch Syndromes, Diseases, and Disorders. My wings fidgeted. Comforting, it was not.
"But!" she exclaimed, her eyes scanning the passage in front of her, "I think I've just managed to rule one of them out." The doctor made appreciative noises as he undid more bandages around my midsection. "One key symptom of Khron's Affliction is a degeneration in the local inquisitivity of the subject's worldview."
I blinked. Even the physician paused for a moment to stare at her.
She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Questions. The subject stops asking questions or being curious at all."
"So that's what you were planning on asking me about?" I inquired.
"Well ... not exactly," Twilight explained, "I wasn't sure how to determine self-motivated curiosity through directed questions, but it turns out I didn't need to." She smiled.
"That's great news," Dr. Trotson added through a mouthful of cloth wrappings. "Well, other than you're still left with amnesia." With a final tug he removed the last of the bandages. "But on the bright side, it looks like your burns have finished healing."
I hadn't noticed until he mentioned it that I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I turned my head around to look, still a little unnerved by the range of motion my neck possessed. My back and sides were covered with the same dark green coat as the rest of me, except... I don't remember having a tattoo ... but then again, you can't ink fur, so what's-
"We just have a few forms to square away," the doctor began, "then we can go ahead and get you released from recovery." His voice remained upbeat and professional. "However, I'm afraid we don't have any treatment for memory loss, Mr. Glass. You'll just have to hope it returns in time."
"I'm sorry?" I puzzled, taken aback, "My name's not Glass, it's..." I started to answer, but nothing came.
I should know this!
"My name is..." I mumbled, still struggling against the mental block, even though it felt more like a hollow.
Change of pace, work it backwards. What did I say to the nurse yesterday?
"...Maxwell Glass"
That's right! Maxwell ... but then ... why does it only sound like a name, and not my name?
"Maybe," I whispered.
* * *
The sun was definitely brighter than I remembered it being, or my eyes were bigger, possibly both. I had to blink away the intensity until they adjusted to the aggressive spectrum. The town was positively vibrant. Thatched roof houses in a not quite Bavarian style, greenery, and flowers of every color filled my view.
That and the ponies.
The sheer range of hues on display must have stunned me for longer than I thought, because before I knew it Twilight had already followed me outside. She had very kindly offered to fill out what forms were left after I failed to put forth even one legible scribble. I could still taste the pencil.
"Thank you for that," I breathed as I turned towards her approaching hoofsteps. "Nothing's been going right this morning."
Twilight half-smiled, "Just this morning?"
"Ok, maybe a bit longer than that," I groaned. "The highlight of my time so far being that ungodly delicious cupcake, although I might need some insulin now. I'd swear there was more sugar in that than physically possible." I subconsciously licked my lips when mentioning the dessert. It was a shame that writing debacle ruined the lingering sweetness.
"That sounds like Pinkie's baking all right," she laughed. "I'll have to show you where Sugarcube Corner is later so you can get another."
"That reminds me," I mentioned, noting that was something I wished more things did. "What am I supposed to do now?" Twilight's eyes caught mine as I continued, "I don't know anyone, where I'm from, or even what my name is. For the first time, I'm completely lost."
"That is true," she sighed, "You don't don't know any of those things now, but with some help you might just start to remember." Her grin was genuine, but tempered with a rehearsed precision. "And I think I know just the ponies. Follow me!"
Twilight started off at a trot, a pleased canter in her gait. I did my best to keep up, but my preferred method for stable walking was giving me trouble at that pace. I've never seen someone so happy or willing to help out a stranger before.
Maybe she's not doing it for you.
I rattled my head around as if to etch-a-sketch the thought away. I've been having too many pessimistic ideas lately. From my experience, you always have more luck looking on the bright side.
A small commotion flicked my ears to the side as we passed by a garden adjacent to the hospital. There seemed to be a cluster of ponies studying an irregular hole in the ground near the recovery wing. I could tell from the row of trees that one was missing from that spot, but it was nowhere to be found. What's more curious, the two nearby conifers seemed ... bent towards their missing brethren. I squinted trying to get a better look before getting out of sight, only managing to catch a glimpse of a pink balloon in the window above it.
Twilight's hoofsteps had started to fade, and I cursed under my breath at how absent minded I can be as I hurried to catch up. Here she is, taking time out of her day to help me out by introducing me to some ponies, and I get distracted by some landscaping. The rhythmic thud of my own hooves on the hard earth had gotten louder, and it was in a pattern I recognized. I glanced downward at the galloping legs beneath me, a smile growing before it quickly evaporated just like my coordination as if fleeing from my unwanted attention.
A grunt forced its way out of my lungs as I hit the earth, tumbling end over end. This is karma for catching myself earlier isn't it? I should have known better than to avoid my fate. I coughed a bit as I shakily got back on my hooves. But I still did it, walking fluidly, running even. It only stopped when I thought about it...
I could make out the violet blur of Twilight standing there, undoubtedly giving me a concerned look along with half a dozen others who must have seen my stunning ability to trip on nothing. I swallowed the growing lump and put on the best smile I could manage. "I'm alright!" I called out with a short wave. Thankfully, that was enough for most to continue on, some laughing a little. I sighed heavily as my head hung low.
Twilight, to her credit, didn't say anything. She just tapped on my shoulder and gestured which way we were headed once I looked up. I retrieved my glasses, blowing the dust off the lenses before putting them back on. At first I thought it was going to be hard not thinking about walking, the whole pink elephants dilemma. It turns out that's not so much of a problem when that walking is taking place in a nearly fluorescent, Bavarian-styled, equine populated village. Which was good, as my tolerance for crash landings was reaching its limit.
For how large the town appeared to be, it didn't take us long to reach our destination. A great oak with a trunk that rivaled any sequoia I'd seen, although not nearly as tall stood before us. It had doors and windows carved into it as well as a balcony with an impressive telescope, yet the tree was still living. A sign out front made it clear this was a library. Four mares seemed to be waiting out front, one of whom I recognized instantly.
"Perfect! It looks like they're almost all here," Twilight excitedly trotted over, "Come on, let me introduce you to my friends!" As we approached, the three turned to face us.
Wait, three?
"Didja like the cupcake?!" Pinkie nearly shouted, bouncing along between me and Twilight.
"I'm afraid not," I feigned disinterest, flopping my ear to assuage the ringing. These things are sensitive.
"Wha-" Pinkie gaped, dropping onto her haunches as we continued walking, "b-but it was a Very Berry Strawberry Supreme..."
I couldn't hide my smirk as I turned back to look at her, "That's right, and I didn't like it. I loved it." Her frown literally imploded as she burst into a fit of giggles.
"You've obviously already met Pinkie Pie," Twilight shook her head, but not without a smile. "Allow me to introduce my friends: Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy."
"Pleasure's all mine," came a southern drawl from the freckled orange pony. Her mane and tail were of a pale sun-bleached yellow and topped with a cowboy's stetson.
"Delighted," the chalk white unicorn added. She held her head high as she teased a curl of her styled indigo blue mane.
"Um, h-hello," squeaked a pink-haired, yellow, pegasus, who had somehow managed to approach without getting any closer.
"Girls, this is uhh-" Twilight paused, "Glass ... Slide? Yes! Glass Slide. He's the stallion I told you about earlier."
"What kinda name for a pegasus is that?" scoffed a voice from behind. I turned around to catch who was speaking, but there was no one there, just the sound of ... flapping?
My gaze drifted upward, only to find a cyan blue pegasus with a full spectrum mane hovering in the air above. I thought my jaw couldn't get any lower.
"I see you can't take your eyes off me. I wouldn't be able to either. Name's Rainbow Dash! Though you've probably already heard of me."
"Rainbow! He has amnesia, he couldn't have heard of you before, and ok, maybe I made up that name for him because he doesn't remember his."
"Well, you could've picked something cooler at least!"
"Oh! Oh! What about Sergent Pepper! We could form a band!"
"Pinkie, darling, wouldn't a more ... normal sounding name be better, for once?"
"You ok there, fella? You're awfully, uhh, statue-like."
"Dashie! Did you break him?"
"Hey! Don't look at me! It's not my fault he couldn't handle how awesome I am."
"Uhm... Maxwell? Are you alright? Say something!" Twilight poked me in the side.
Her sudden impulse jarred me out of my fugue, and prompted the only four words I knew existed at that moment.
"HOW ARE YOU FLYING?!"