//------------------------------//
// Crazy Eights and Mao 
// Story: Game Night 
// by Sozmioi 
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The noble continued, "And when thou selecteth thine policy..."

Luna held up a hoof and declared, "Halt! Hold to thy more familiar forms of speech. First, 'thou' is singular, so my sister and I together would take 'you'; and 'thine' is as 'yours', not 'your'."

She stood and approached him. "Second, if thou'rt using 'thou', thou certainly mayst not address us with it."

She was nearly in his face when she finished, seemed about to ask a third question, but held back. 'And just why did you all start using these forms now?' Of course, the answer to that would have to be that her sister began doing it. Well, shoot. That kind of back-fired. She returned to her dais.

To me, she quietly said, "I have given up. Elevated speech is a joke to all of them. It claims a respect I am not given. And they do not learn even from repeated instruction! Please convey to my sister that I release her from her promise." That didn't take long. It's only wednesday.

She resumed the session. The jitters of the suitors increased, but otherwise it went smoothly.

Getting Celestia to stop did not go so smoothly. I arrived almost at the end of her breakfast; as I awaited official introduction, I heard a countess saying, "... but it hasn't been working. What is thy opinion, your majesty?"

"From what thou describest, thy course is correct; yet it has gone awry. When perplexed, I have found it best to check what I think I know. Hast thou asked those to whom thou directest thy aid the cause of their not accepting it?"

The countess blushed. "I only asked in advance, your majesty. I apologize for bringing such an... incompletely mastered issue to thy attention."

"'Tis the easiest sort."

Well, that's different. Using thou with each other across barely-noble to senior princess.

The last time I had been introduced at Celestia's breakfast, she had been pleasantly surprised; this time, she was unsurprised but no less pleased. "Welcome to our table! I discern that thou art not here solely for sustenance."

"No indeed, your majesty; I have eaten. Your sister has released you from your promise."

"Very well. Is that the entirety of thy message?"

I caught that promise or not, she was continuing. And I couldn't explain the problem without making a scene. "Yes."

After completing the brief formalities of my appearance, I stayed and listened to what remained of the meal. Celestia's continuing using the old speech, but without the same social rules such as 'not to superiors'. If only I'd moved quickly and set up daily meetings. Now Luna's upset again, and dollars to donuts she won't want to 'face her sister like this' which just makes it worse. Well, there's next game night. And Celestia requested card games. Hmm.





That thursday evening, at court, Luna attempted to shift entirely to the new forms, but frequently slipped up. Other ponies made grammar errors, and one addressed her with 'thou'; Luna corrected them with obvious and growing irritation, but managed not to repeat her outburst. At the end of the evening, she was very frustrated and did not want to speak even to me.

I left her and wandered towards the palace gate. Can't she see that they're not doing too badly considering everything? It's not so easy to follow the rules when... when...!

My head snapped up. I knew what we were going to play. Diabolical laughter flowed freely.

This abrupt display naturally attracted a bit of attention from the squad of guards I happened to be passing. It was subtle, but I was definitely their focus.

I gave them a cheery wave, grinned, and moved on and out into the city.





Friday evening, Celestia warmly welcomed Luna and me at the entrance to her outer chambers. I was briefly worried that she had invited somepony else, but she had not. Once we were in place, she said, "So, Mr. Greene, wouldst thou finish describing Hearts?"

"Ah. Your majesties, I strongly recommend that we play two different games tonight." Celestia raised an eyebrow, but assented. Luna seemed content to go along with my suggestion. "The first is 'crazy eights'."

I explained, assuming that Luna knew nothing of card-game conventions, providing demonstrations as appropriate with cards I'd prepped the top of the deck with: "You get seven cards to begin with; the cards you are holding is your 'hand' (though I expect you will be levitating them). Your hand is secret from the other players. The objective is to empty your hand by playing cards onto the discard pile. We take turns playing one card per turn, matching either value or suit of the card on top of the discard pile, or playing an eight. If you played an eight, you may set the suit for the next player to match. You may draw from the deck as much as you need or wish in order to be able to play a card. If the deck runs out, we shuffle the discarded cards as the new deck."

Play passed quickly and mostly silently. On her third turn, Luna declared, "This does not seem particularly challenging." She began rearranging her cards into fanciful shapes.

"It is a warm-up."

As it turned out, Luna had been dealt two eights, and so she went out without ever having to draw (meanwhile, Celestia had had to draw ten cards to match a prince of clouds).

I collected the cards and said, "Princess Luna, as victor, you are dealer. Shall I handle that for you?" Nod. "All right. We are now playing Mao. I am the chairman." I was about to deal as if Luna were dealer, but changed my mind as that would be a little too confusing.

Celestia inquired, "And how does one play Mao?"

I paused, looked to her, and deliberately handed her a card. "Second rule of Mao." In return I got a sharply raised eyebrow, but silence. After a moment, I resumed dealing where I had left off.

"The session is now open." I turned over the top card of the deck - an eight. Looking at my hand, I declared,  "Hearts."

Celestia played the 5 thereof, and Luna took us into sickles with the matching 5. I played the 9, and Celestia followed with the Queen. That didn't take long. I played the 4 as Luna attempted to play the 2.

She looked to me in confusion. "Is it not my turn?"

I handed her two cards and returned her the 2. As blandly as possible, I said, "Playing out of turn, asking a question outside of a point of order."

She did not pick the cards up. "What?"

Another card. I mildly repeated, "Asking a question outside of a point of order."

Silence. After a moment, Celestia hesitantly said, "Point of order." (as she said it, I quickly put my hand face down) "Whose turn is it now?"

"Your turn." I handed each of them a card. "Looking at your cards during a point of order."

Celestia lowered her hand and began laughing. Luna frowned at her. "But you played the queen, did you not?"

Between giggles, Celestia said, "Put thy cards down, sister, ere he grant thee another card."

Luna slowly gathered her cards and placed them in a neat stack. "Nonetheless, you played the queen."

"And last game, didst not thou play an eight of clouds on a three of sickles?"

"But..." She floundered.

Celestia began to play a card (without even looking at it), but paused. "Hmm. It seems that if I play during a point of order I will eventually be violating the rule against looking at my cards during a point of order."

I passed her a card. "First rule of Mao."

"Ah, of course. What else could it have been? I declare the point of order over. Did that... never mind!" She picked up her cards and played a 3.

Luna hesitantly picked up her cards and re-played her 2. I drew two cards and played the ace. "One is the loneliest number." I commented.

Celestia hesitantly played the ace of clouds and replied, "I would think that any number sufficiently large that it cannot even be expressed would be even lonelier than one, which ponies use all the time."

As Luna played a cloud, she asked, "But there are many such numbers - wouldn't that mean they have plenty of company?"

I passed her a card, saying "Asking a question outside of a point of order", and played the queen of clouds.

"But it had nothing to do with... grr!" She stood up.

Celestia laughed again and said, "To quit the field with no advantage is to concede."

Let's shut that right down. I carded her, and for the first time since the game began dropped my neutral demeanor in favor of admonishment, "Laughing at another player."

Celestia's eyes flew wide open. Then she looked to her sister, closed her eyes for a moment, reopened them, and said, "My apologies. Point of order: dost thou forgive me?"

Even Luna laughed at that. She sat down once more, replied, "Yes. This game is utterly appalling!" She began to pick up her cards.

Before she got a glance at them, I concluded, "End point of order."

And then we just sat there. Celestia looked at Luna expectantly, Luna looked at me, and I looked at the discard pile but kept my attention on them in my peripheral vision. Luna arranged her eight cards into a rectangle and put them directly between her mouth and my eyes.

After a few moments, Celestia coughed. "Luna, if thou wishest to ask a question, thou mayst enter a point of order."

Luna's hand collapsed into a single vertical stack. "That was not a question!"

I figured enough time had passed, so I slowly began counting down, "Ten. Nine. Eight."

Luna said, "Isn't... point of order. Isn't it your turn?"

"No. Looking at your cards during a point of order. Four. Three."

"End point of order!" She threw a six of diamonds down. With a tiny gasp she took it back and replaced it with a princess of clouds.

I passed her the looking-at-cards card, and passed her another card. "Invalid play."

With a sigh, she said, "I can accept that."

I waited again. Celestia looked at me expectantly, then, realizing I wasn't moving to play, prepared a card. When I said, "Ten." she played a princess of diamonds. Oh yes! Perfect! Two consecutive princesses up front maximize confusion later. This is going to be a good game.

Then I noticed the face on the card. "Point of order:" I said. "Is that you?" Celestia nodded. "Interesting. End point of order."

Some time later, I ran out of cards.

"The session is closed. I remain chairman. Celestia wins the round with five cards remaining to Luna's six. Shall we continue?"

Luna offered, "Asking question outside of a point of order?"

"We are not in session."

"Ah. I think I can do this now." She put her cards on the deck, got up and stretched. 

How wrong she was. How very wrong she was. Celestia had expertly dealt and opened the next session. The top card of the deck was the princess of sickles, and I played a 4 on it, and by the time Luna got the ace of sickles down, she had quarter of the deck. And then she didn't make a 'one'-related comment and got another card.

And that was before they hit the new rule for the round.





"Court is now in session."

Luna shuddered at the echo of the sessions just past. "I have an announcement to make. Over the past week it has become popular to attempt to use the second-person singular pronoun 'thou, thy, thine, thee' and attendant conjugations of verbs. While in modern usage it appears that this bears no claim of familiarity or status, I am accustomed to such implications. Therefore, it is my personal request that you not address me with 'thou', and that when using these words, you use them properly. I am arranging for a complete set of rules to be posted prominently to aid you in this noble effort."