The Wonderful Life of Berry Punch

by Dusk-Spark


Ch. 10: "Bet you didn't think you'd see two music references, did ya?"


The arena (if you could call it that) was set up and the crowds were gathered, all of Ponyville was here to watch Berry Punch, the town drunk vs. a very big, scary minotaur known as Broken Horn (who was actually kind of a softie). Berry shifted on her haunches, trying to get a comfortable sitting position. Cheerilee stood beside her with a worried expression and asked, “Berry what is going on? I feel like a broken record asking that but seriously, what is going on?!

“Don’t worry, Cheerilee. I got this, I’m Queen Drinksalot, I never lose.” She eyed Colgate, Luna, and Twilight then nodded. The three magic users dispersed into the crowd. All Berry had to do was keep everyone’s attention on her while the magic users got rid of the drinks. It was a crazy, stupid plan that only Berry could come up with (if it were Drunk Berry, there would probably be some explosions and time travel incorporated into the plan)…so crazy it just might work! Besides, there was no way Berry could ever lose in a DRINKING CONTEST! She got her cutie mark after her first experience at making wine (she was kind of a rebellious little filly).

“Um…actually…” Colgate whispered into Berry’s ear, “He dethroned you last night.”

“…..” It was like time stood still for Berry as all the color drained out from her body, “What?” She squeaked out, having completely lost her former bravado. Oh there it was, flying away. Bye-bye bravado.

“He beat you in a drinking contest last night. That makes him the undisputed best drinker in all of Equestria.” Colgate laughed nervously, then went back to helping Blues onto the medical cot.
"Um yeah, just take him to the medical tent. I'll be right with him later." She said to the medical ponies.

“…Oh…” Berry mumbled softly. Yep. She was doomed. Because the moment this contest ended, Cheerilee was going to bury her alive and on her tombstone, her epitaph would read:

"Berry Punch
Screw-up, town drunk, Equestria's one and only pimp.

Well, if she was gonna go down...then she was gonna go down while trying to reclaim her title (she may have lost sight of her original goal). Dying while drunk was probably better than dying with a hangover or...sober, anyways.


1st round of drinks. No problems. Berry routinely looked out into the crowd to see the magic users do their work; she didn’t hear any commotion so it must’ve been working.


5th round of drinks. Berry was starting to feel a little buzzed; she couldn’t tell at all what Broken Horn must’ve been feeling like. In fact, he seemed unaffected by the ale. Regardless this was a battle where her LIFE was on the line here, because Cheerilee's death glare in the corner of her vision was all she could see. She might just keel over right then and there if the drinks or Cheerilee don't kill her first.


7th round of drinks, the two start talking about the weather lately, and the origins of Nightmare Night in addition to Clan Vega customs and the history of how the clan formed. Which of course, Berry wouldn't remember.


10th round of drinks and Berry was starting to see an extra pair of Broken Horns standing beside the minotaur. Or maybe those were just members of his clan trying to keep him from toppling over? She really hoped that was it, because right now somepony was doing the same for her. 'Come on Berry, this is nothing!' With renewed vigor, she slammed her mug down for the next round.


15th round of drinks, and the two start debating philosophies that only two alcoholics could:

“Applejack Daniels is the best ale in all of Equestria!”

“Are your brain damaged?! Bourbovine could totally beat Applejack Daniels in a fight to the death!”


23rd round of drinks, they start talking about interesting stories which usually ended with: "And then I got kicked in the face!"


30th round of drinks and Berry’s starting to waver. Was Broken Horn feeling the same way? She couldn’t tell, too distracted by the colors just blending together to form...uh...um...she didn't remember how this narration went.


Green round of drinks. What was she even doing anymore? HOLY CELSTIA, WHAT KIND OF COLOR WAS THAT! SHE NEEDED TO THINK OF A NAME FOR IT RIGHT NOW! SHE NEEDED TO PATENT THAT COLOR! SELL IT TO PONIES AND MAKE BILLIONS! EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAW THAT COLOR, THEY WOULD PAY HER MONEY! AND THE CURRENCY WOULD BE BOTTLES OF APPLEJACK DANIELS!


Glorgilsmatch round of drinks! 'OH CELESTIA IS THAT A MINOTAUR, WHERE DID ALL THESE PONIES COME FROM?!'


{Unintelligible} round of drinks. 'Hey, why is the sky on the floor?'


hgWTGnbg21045911........


…….

Hello flooring my old friend.
I've come to lay with you again~

THUD