Another day, another morning spent puking up what ever was left in my stomach., I thought.
It seems like my life was now dominated by the sight of my own vomit in the toilet water, day in and day out, 24/7. I couldn't hold any food down since Legs'...accident. It seemed like anything I tried to swallow larger than a breath mint came right back up with another five minutes spent at the toilets.
The gang was getting increasingly worried. Eating made me sick, and no food meant no energy which in turn meant no practice. I couldn't preform, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, but on top of it all...I was getting FAT.
I didn't get it! I threw up everything I ate, but somehow I had rapidly gained weight in the past two months. Spits had urged me to go to a doctor to figure out what was going on with my stomach, but I didn't need any doctor to tell me what was wrong.
Even if I didn't go to a medical doctor, Spits had been sending me off to some lame psychiatrist. I had been seeing him since Legs ran out, and I guess he was helping a little.
He said my constant nausea was a form of depression and that I needed to get a hobby since I wasn't practicing anymore. I don't know where he even got depression from. I felt better since it had happened, and most of my time spent crying was now spent vomiting.
My dad once told me at a parade that I couldn't dwell on the painful past. He told me I had to move on and face the future with a smile. Of course, this was around the time mom died. Dad was a mess of depression. He'd get drunk and yell and all around was a pretty shitty person. But he got the same help I did, and he got better pretty quickly.
As an apology, he took me to see his old high school's marching band perform in the welcoming parade for The Games Committee. That's when he told me those words of wisdom...or did he tell me to save those "broken" people? It didn't matter, I remembered that quote from somewhere, and that's the only reason I even went to see that shrink in the first place.
I left the bathroom and looked at The Wonderbolt wall clock of moi, and I shrugged. I had to goo see Dr. Mindbend in ten minutes, but I didn't feel any urgency to get myself...presentable.
I was in a pair of Wonderbolt sweatpants and one of Legs' t-shirts. It was a few sizes too big, so It fell of one my shoulders, and it made me look ten pounds heavier than I felt. I lifted one of the corners to my nose, and I took a small sniff.
I had worn the shirt on multiple occasions, but it never seemed to cease to smell like Legs. I felt a few tears burn at the back of my eyes, but I shook them back. I told myself that Legs was gone, and I had to move on, seek greener pastures. But no matter how hard I tried, I always seemed to be chasing a ghost.
After Legs's attacked me and Soarin', we had to come up with a story on Legs's...prolonged absence. I had offered up a multitude of different suggestions, but Soarin's broken elbow and Spits stern face always turned them down. After what had seemed like hours in that meeting, we as a team came to a cover story.
Legs had died in the hospital due to his injuries.
I don't remember much after that, or even the press conference I attended, I just remember crying. That was when all the weird stuff started happening.
It began with me missing my period. I hadn't thought much about it, but when the vomiting and anger started getting worse, I took matters into my own hands.
I begged rarity to go buy me one of those fancy in-home pregnancy tests, and mail it to me. She told me that it was already pretty clear what was happening, but I just had to be sure. I peed on that stupid little stick, and waited. What was only a few minutes in real time, was an eternity in my mind.
It came back positive, but I threw the thing at the wall. I knew in my mind that it was wrong, I had heard stories about all those "False Positives", and went on with life. I couldn't let a foal wreck my career. I had to maintain a predetermined weight after all. Gaining an extra ten pounds would surely destroy that number.
Spits kept urging me to see a doctor after I took the test, but there was nothing wrong with my body. And it's not like she knew anyway! I didn't even tell Rarity the results. It was like Mindbend said, I just had some head problems to deal with.
A knock came from the other side of my door.
"Hey Rainbow, it's Soarin'. Ya decent?", Soarin' said from the door.
I looked down at my stained shirt and baggy sweatpants.
"Uh, define decent...", I replied.
"Can I see your nipples or hooch?"
"Nah, come on in," I laughed.
He opened the door and leaned against the door frame. He looked me over with a pretend glare of distaste.
"Jeez, you weren't kidding. This has to be the most unattractive I've ever seen you," he said.
"Gee thanks! Come and get it McFly, my body is ready!", I said back in sarcasm.
"So are you gonna see the Doc in that, because you wouldn't be the first one who walked in wearing sweats and their dead boyfriend's t-shirt. But I thought you were one for appearances."
I took off Legs' shirt and threw it at him.
"Let me get ready, and NO PEAKING!"
"Or what?"
"Or the imminent threat of castration!"
Soarin' flinched at the threat to his balls, and held the T-shirt closer to his eyes.
"I read you loud and clear!"
I walked over to my dresser, and grabbed one of my new bras. I couldn't tell you why, but with the swelling of my gut, came the swelling of my boobs too. I had grown an entire cup size, and now all my old essentials didn't fit. I looked down at my belly, and grabbed at the fat forming around my waist. Some of it felt hard, but the other parts I knew were fat.
A second opinion couldn't hurt, I thought.
"Hey Soarin'?", I asked.
"I swear to Luna I'm not looking!"
"I know," I consoled him, "I just have a question is all."
"Oh! Phew! Go on, shoot."
"Do you think I'm getting fat?"
"Oh sweet Celestia," he muttered, and then cleared his throat, "Oh no! Beauty is on the inside! You'll always look gorgeous! No number on a scale could never be greater than my love for you!"
"So...yes?"
He threw the shirt to the floor, and shrugged.
"Promise you won't hurt me?", he asked innocently.
"I swear," I replied sincerely.
"Maybe...just...a little, tiny, bit," he said softly, looking around to see if anybody had heard.
"Thanks, I guess it's my own fault. This whole 'depression' thing got to me I guess," I said sadly, "Anyway, where'd you learn such a corny line like that anyway?"
He looked away as I took off my sweatpants, and grabbed some underwear.
"Senior prom. I told my girlfriend that she should buy a bigger dress. I couldn't walk for a week."
"Way to go McFly!", I said putting on some reasonable pants, "I'm ready to go now."
The small, little cat clock continued to tick with the seconds as the end of the session drew nearer. Dr. Mindbend was writing some notes down in the drowning silence. i was growing more uncomfortable by the minute, and I could feel another wave of nausea coming on.
He cleared his throat, and put down his pad.
"Well then Ms. Rainbow, anything else you need to say?"
Aside from a glaring possible pregnancy?, I thought.
"Nope! What's the prognosis, Doc?"
"Well, since the examination is over, your diagnosis is still a minor case of depression," he said leaning back in his chair, "Have you been exploring those hobbies we talked about?"
"Yeah, I tired a few things," I confessed.
Dr. Mindbend smiled, knowing he was making progress.
"That's great, Ms. Rainbow. Why don't you tell me about them."
"Well, I tried getting back into reading.."
"Okay, go on."
"It was going along okay, until frequent trips to the bathroom kinda took the fun away from it."
"Oh my, that's quite unfortunate. Is that all you tried?"
"Nope. I also tried sewing with my good friend Rarity."
"Yes, and?"
"One too many pokes from needles and those angry flashes you talked about kinda bittered up the whole situation."
"Ah, it's quite a shame to fight with a friend. Especially when it's a close one. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't it was a real life-altering argument. I think I handled it well enough."
"If you insist so. So sewing and reading are both out, did you try anything other than them?"
"Not that I can recall."
"Well then, do you mind if I put in my opinion?"
"Go ahead."
Dr. Mindbend put down his pad and removed his glasses. He looked sincerely at me, and crossed one of his legs.
"What I honestly think is that all of your memories of your dead lover are contained here in Cloudsdale," he said.
I gave him a confused look, and allowed him to continue.
"What I think you need, in all honesty, is a change of scenery," he said, the same smile plastered on his face.
"I'm sorry?"
"In Lehman's terms: Get outta town! Go see friends or your father. Just enjoy your life however you see fit!"
I rose from his couch, and a smile crept onto my face. I had been dying to see my dad, but constant training and...nausea prevented me from visiting.
"Yeah!" I said letting the excitement get to me "Yeah! That sounds like a killer idea doc!"
"That's what I'm here for" Dr. Mindbend said with a smile.
"Thanks a ton!" I shouted, and ran out of his office.
A soft knock came from the other side of my bathroom door. I wiped the traces of vomit from the corners of my lips, and flushed the toilet. The knock came again, but in a more rapid and worried pace.
"Rainbow? Are you okay in there?" Spitfire's voice came from the other side.
"Hmm? Yeah, yeah I'm good!" I called back.
I exited the bathroom, and looked over to Spitfire. She looked nervous about something. Her hands were clenched into fists, and she was pacing.
"Hey Cap, is something wrong?" I asked her.
"Can we talk for a minute Rainbow? Like, girl-to-girl?" She said, her nerves reflecting in her voice.
"Yeah, sure."
Spitfire sat down on my bed, her head looking down at the floor. I sat on the opposite side, and looked back at her.
"Rainbow, how have you been feeling?" She asked.
"Uh, well, the nausea hasn't gone away, and my stomach will start hurting out of the blue, but otherwise it's all good!"
"That's what I was afraid of," she whispered.
"What was that?"
"Rainbow Dash, when did you last have your period?"
"What?"
"I mean, you've gone two months, and never complained once about cramps. I know you Rainbow Dash, and I know when you start cramping. What's going on?"
"Nothing is wrong, Cap! What are you trying to get at?"
"Um, well..."
"Spitfire! Tell me what's wrong!"
Spitfire, looked back at me with a sympathetic glance, and sighed in defeat. She reached into her jacket, and withdrew something smashed and pink. She handed the thing to me, and let me look at it.
I did my best to reconstruct the item, and almost dropped it in surprise. It was the box from the last pregnancy test I took. Spitfire took it, and now she's jumping to conclusions! I got to my feet, and glared at her accusingly/
"Spits, how did you get this?" I asked with mild anger.
"I took it the night I broke into your room. It was with the trash on your floor."
"I can't believe you! You stole my trash?!"
"Rainbow, just calm down. I'm not done yet."
"Calm down? Calm down? How can I calm down knowing my commanding officer is sifting through my garbage?!"
"Rainbow Dash, stand down!" Spits shouted, rising to her feet, "That's an order!"
I bit my tongue to prevent anything too venomous from spewing out, and sat back down. Spitfire remained on her feet, and did her best to collect herself.
"Rainbow, I have one last question, and then you can continue to pack. Okay?"
I nodded, and fought back another wave of vomit.
"Rainbow, there's no real easy way to ask this..." she said, her voice trailing off.
"What? Just say it Cap. You aren't one for fear." I said back to her, my anger subsiding.
"Uh, well...Rainbow are you, um, pregnant?"
My mouth fell agape, and I nearly lost my lunch right there on my floor.
She can't be serious! I'm not...there's no way I'm...
"N-no Spits, what, no!" I stammered, blush filling my face.
"Rainbow, I'm sorry. I just had to be sure." Spitfire said, her own blush burning.
"I promise that's not what's going on. I mean it!"
"Alright Rainbow, I'll leave you to packing." Spits said, leaving the room, "Say hi to your dad for me."
Spitfire closed the door, and my mouth was still gaping. I couldn't believe how forward she was. Not knowing what to do, I ran back to the bathroom, and emptied my stomach again.
There's no way I could be a mother, not without Legs.