//------------------------------// // CH. 31 What the Hay? // Story: Shouldn't Be // by Lumadous //------------------------------//         “Scoots, get away!” I bellowed as the world around me shrunk and disappeared in a black net.         “I-ugh-I can’t move!” She sobbed into my leg, I could feel her whole body shaking and quivering.         “Go, Run!” I yelled, lifting my leg and shaking it hoping to dislodge her and send her to safety, but only succeeded in losing my balance and fell back into the vat we had just fished ourselves out of.         The sickening net crawled up my arms, tiny tendrils crawling like millions of black spiders towards my face as it sunk into the jello. It was trying to pull me out of the stuff but my weight was too much for it and when the furthermost tendrils reached the jello they touched it and flinched back as if in pain.         Figuring I was screwed anyways, I grabbed whatever I could with my hands and yanked downwards, pulling face out allowing me a few sweet breaths of air, but also plunged my left side deep into the stuff. The net that was all over my left arm quickly dissolved as screams of pain rent the air and blurred my vision.         Twisting with a mighty heave I rolled to my right, grabbing the core the mass with the outstretched fingers of my battered left hand and shoved that inky solid blob as deep into the jello as I could. Holding it down with both hands as if I was trying to drown it, it thrashed and churned the contents of the vat.         The only thing it achieved was to sink itself deeper and pull me off my dangling feet and further in. A few times It managed to strike me in the face and the arms but the feeling of the Scootaloo desperately pulling on my leg only strengthened my resolve.         “You will never hurt MY SCOOTALOO!” I screamed in the faces boiling over the rapidly shrinking thing.         After a while, what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than half a minute, I felt my fingers plow through the soft flesh as the last of that thing disappeared with a final whimper.         Scootaloo helped to pull me back down to solid ground and continued to cut off circulation to my toes after I had regained balance and was standing near the throne that at some point and been knocked over.         “Scootaloo, are you okay?” I asked as I poked her in the face.         “Merh ifff goon” She groaned into the side of my leg.         “Yeah, whatever is in there does not agree with whatever that was, you can let go now before you know.” I said soothingly as I sat on the side of the throne and tried to gently pry one of her six limbs from around my leg.         “No.” She murmured.         “Scootaloo, I know you’ve been through a lot, but I need you to be brave for just a little bit longer, we need to get outta here before whoever is in charge here comes to investigate.”         “No!” She yelled as she tightened her grip, one of her wings clamping down on an invading finger, quite painfully.         “Scoots, anything that is anywhere near us will never touch a hair on your head so long as I’m your poppa.” I grunted, trying to hide the pain in my voice.         At this her head popped up so quickly I swore I heard vertebrae cracking, here eyes as large as dinner plates as she stared at my face.         “You remember me!” She squeaked.         “Nope, but it seems right, and I can’t shake the feeling in the back of my head that we’ve already had this conversation.” I said as I used my free hand to gently massage and coax her wings to loosen up before she snapped fingers off.         “But it’s a start, I knew they couldn’t knock all of you outta your big head.” She said, smiling her first genuine smile that I remember outside of the vat.         “Good, then could we also start by relaxing a little before you break all of my bones?” I asked hopefully.         “But if I let go I might lose you again!” She sobbed, her head snapping back into the side of my leg and her limbs grasping harder, bringing tears to my eyes. “You can’t just ditch me like that, who else can I rely on to be my sidekick? And besides, all ya gotta do is look for the only pink monstrosity and you’ll find me real quick.”         “Or Pinkie Pie after someone breaks a Pinkie Promise.” Scootaloo murmured.         “Okay? I’ll assume this Pinkie Pie guy is probably also pink, but no worries, he probably isn’t as handsome as I am!” I yelled, flexing my arm muscles and giving them a quick peck of love.         “Great, the one thing everypony wishes you would forget is the first thing you remember.” She said as she loosened her grip enough that I was able to yank my now blue hand free.         “How could I forget how to be super awesome? The only way I could be cooler was if I could fly and fart rainbows.” I boosted as I swept her off my ankle and plopped her down on my shoulder.         “And there’s the horrible sense of humor. At least I know that I found the right human.”         “Now hear me now young missy, I may not remember being your dad but that don’t mean I won’t ground you.” I said as I massaged blood flow back through my foot.         “I wonder if I could form ear muffs out of the goo.” Scootaloo sighed as I stood up, her forehooves gripped around my head like a very lopsided head-band.         “If you do that, you’ll miss all the kernels of wisdom that I’m so gratefully giving you.” I teased as I poked her in the side, causing her to squirm.         “Oh, is the young lady ticklish perchance? Heh.” I grinned as I tickled the pony parrot as I limped towards the only door in the chamber.         “Hahaha, stop it, you’re gonna make me-Hahaha” She laughed, barely keeping hold of my head.         “You’ll what, tell on me to mommy, oh I’m so-” I froze mid-stride as I felt a warm trickle on the side of my neck and down my arm.         “Really?”         “I told you to stop!” She protested, flicking my forehead with her wing.         “Okay, from now on, our safety phrase is crab cake sparkly surprise.”         “Kinda a long and silly thing, and I’m sorry.”         “Fine,” I sighed, “The new safe word is bananas. Geez, you kids these days have zero imagination. And don’t worry about it. Though, seriously, when we get back wherever, not one word to anyone about you peeing on the side of my head, I would never live that down.”         “Don’t worry, I’ll tell everypony I know.” She teased as I started walking towards the door again.         “You do that and I’ll ground you so hard your friends will be grounded along with ya.”         “That’s bound to happen anyways as they try to break me out of that prison cell you always throw me into.” She pouted, resting her chin on the top of my head.         “Wait, really?”         “No you goof.” She replied instantly, flicking me in the forehead again with her wing.         “Careful now, I bite.”         “Eww, and if you say anything about how that’s what the ladies like, I will buck you in the head so hard it’ll end up attached to your ass.”         “Language young lady, god, who taught you all this foulness?”         “You.”         “Oh. Well at least I did a good job at it.” I said just before I kicked open the door, revealing a long hallway, many small bug like ponies all twisting around to look at us, surprised at our sudden entrance.         “Orders young miss?” I said, quickly counting the ones I could see.         “Charge!" She yelled, waving an imaginary sword in the air.         “Aye aye captain!” I roared as I charged the thick of it.         “This is the worst possible thing ever!” Rarity cried for the uptenith time.         “Say that one more time, I swear I’ll knock all of your teeth down your throat and dye your mane grey.” Threatened Rainbow Dash from above her.         “But these chains are rubbing my fur out, I’ll soon have bald spots!” She protested.         “And at least your upright and not swinging!” Rainbow Dash yelled back.         “The swingin’ part was your fault Rainbow, if you had stayed still, you would’ve been fine.” Apple Jack drawled from the hole she was chained in.         “But still upside down!”         “Girls, arguing isn’t going to get us anywhere, we must keep the Magic of Friendship strong if we want to get outta this!” Twilight said, she and Fluttershy were chained, back to back, to a stalagmite.         “Twilight, shut up.” Groaned the mighty russian pony head from between Rarity’s feet, the rest of his body was buried.         “Oh Celestia! Kill it!” Rarity screamed as she used her one free hind leg to repeatedly kick him in the face until he opened his mouth wide and bit her, trapping her hoof.         “Rarity, that’s Sasha you were kicking.” Fluttershy whispered.         “Oh, sorry my dear, I couldn’t see you down there and you frighten me.” Rarity sputtered, with grace, as Sasha spit her hoof out.         “Trust me my dear, the view that I have is not one I vant either.” He grunted.         “Aw shaddup in there!” Yelled a Changeling guard who was mockingly wearing a guard ponies armor, swinging Sasha’s hammer by it’s sling.         “Or what?” Challenged Rainbow Dash, who was still swinging.         “Or I’ll bang ya’ll up with me new toy, always did enjoy the taste of pain on a sweet mare.” He teased, jingling as he bounced up to Fluttershy.         “How about you little one, would you taste good?”         “You should be ashamed of yourself, what would your mother say if she could see you now?” Fluttershy stated as she stared into his eyes.         “Well, me mum would tell me to pass out the straws and dig in, but luckily for you I wasn't a mama’s boy.” He chuckled as he thumped Fluttershy in the knee, causing her to gasp in pain.         “You covard, you vouldn’t dare do that to me!” Roared Sasha as the sounds of Fluttershy sobbing filled the ensuing silence.         “Lookie here, we got ourselves a volunteer!” The guard sang as he jingled over to Rarity, kicking as much dirt and dust as he could manage at the back of Sasha’s head.         “Do your vorst, you pansy!” Sasha challenged.         “Hey, leave hi-” Rainbow Dash started to yell.         “Shut up pony.” Sasha growled.         “Don’t worry mate, she’ll be next!” He said as he swung the hammer into the back of Sasha’s head with a resounding crack.         “My Grandmother hit harder than that, and that vas before they replaced her hips! HA!”         “Why you little.” The guard grunted as he swung again and again, filling the chambers with meaty thunks and his grunts.         “Please, stop!” Begged Rarity, tears streaming down her face as torture unfolded itself right in front of her face.         “Oh, please do stop!” Mocked Sasha in a Rarity impersonation, “You going to put me to sleep!”         “Ragh!” The guard roared as he swung with all of his might in a downward crushing blow that ended with a solid thunk.         The chamber was silent for a long moment as Rarity and Fluttershy sobbed. Rainbow Dash was scowling at the lone guard as he huffed and puffed. Twilight was frozen, her face in shock, and Applejack could be faintly heard struggling with her chains in her hole off to the side.         “Ha, that taught that stupid pony!” The guard cried triumphantly.         “Tought me vhat?” Sasha said in his normal, pain free tone, accent not slurred in the slightest.         “But, how?” Protested the guard.         “Let me show you.” Sasha said as the rock around his shoulders crumbled and fell away, all the chains holding the others snapped open with a dull grey flash as he flicked his mane out of the way of his horn. The others quickly rushing to surround the lone guard, with the exception of Rainbow Dash who landed on her face and was sitting cross eyed against the wall. Fluttershy was leaning up against Twilight.         “But, that’s impossible, you can’t be an alicorn!” The guard squeaked, falling to his rump.         “Vhy, because I’m a colt? Or maybe because this is the first time you’ve felt fear.” Sasha growled in tones so long that the others felt it in the base of their lungs.         “Oh, and that is mine.” He said as the hammer slipped from the changeling loose grasp and floated above him.         Sasha, standing tall above him, his face hidden by the shadows, only his teeth were visible in a large grin by the glow of his horn as he mimicked the guard.         “Lookie here, we got ourselves a volunteer!”         “Mommy!” The Changeling squeaked, his stolen armor rattling.         “BOO!” Yelled Fluttershy in his ear. His eyes simply rolled into the top of his head and he fainted in a slumping heap. His stolen helmet flopping off and rolling over and bumping Rainbow Dash’s hoof, popping her out of her daze.         “When the hay did you become an Alicorn?”