Author’s Note: I don’t own Amnesia: Justine or MLP, you know the drill.
Of Breakdowns and Questions
He was shuffling down a long, winding corridor, the stones that made up the walls were slimy and cold against his sweaty palms, ahead of him he could see Justine’s darkened figure walking ahead of him at a steady pace, the lantern she held cast crooked shadows over everything.
“Where are we going?” he asked, trying to keep the unease from his voice and failing.
He heard Justine’s cold laugh echo around him before she replied, “I’m just showing you my workplace, there’s no need to be worried.”
Alois felt an embarrassed blush creep onto his cheeks, they way she had phrased it made it sound like he was being childish.
But the place was just so damned unwholesome! It was dank, musty and positively brimming with all manner of animal life, he could hear the cockroaches scuttling around just out of sight and he had, on several occasions, seen the pink tails of rats slither into the darkness just out of the range of Justine’s lantern.
The whole place looked more like a dungeon than a workplace.
“We’re here.” said Justine, Alois looked and saw that they were standing at the end of the hallway, in front of him was a massive iron door set with a barred window, Justine opened it and held the lantern out, letting the orange light pierce the darkness.
Alois gasped.
He had expected the inside of the room to be furnished like some kind of office, instead the room looked like a cell crossed with an abattoir: chains and manacles hung from the rafters, the light making their metal shine like diamonds.
At the far end of the room was a table covered in various knives, pokers, pliers and hooks, all polished and gleaming.
Alois turned to the love of his life and saw the malicious smile on her face, then he saw her pull a syringe from her pocket, he was so stunned and frightened that he couldn't even scream when Justine jabbed the needle into his flesh.
Alois woke up with a gasp, the memory of that night had resurfaced violently, as evident by his sweat-soaked body and tangled sheets.
Alois began to calm down, taking in deep breaths and reminding himself that he was safe, after a few minutes he was feeling well enough to get up and see if his caretaker was awake.
Alois had begun memorizing the layout of Fluttershy’s cottage, he had already accurately mapped out the living room, but he would need help when navigating the kitchen and all of the upstairs rooms.
When he got to the door that led into the kitchen he tentatively called out for Fluttershy, to his relief he was answered by a happy “Hello Alois, are you hungry?”.
The former Suitor gave the timid pony a small smiled before nodding, Fluttershy piled a plate high with pancakes and set them on the table, she looked up and frowned: Alois was still in the doorway looking uncomfortable.
“Are you alright?” she asked, Alois nodded quickly and said, “I just need to take this as slowly as I can.” he began to take small steps, spreading his toes out and keeping his arms straight at his sides, Fluttershy realized what he was trying to do and hastened to help him.
Alois yelped when he felt Fluttershy’s furry body cleave to him, he was still not used to the fact that his host wasn’t human and he wondered if he ever would be, “What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m going to help you walk” she said “I mean...If that’s okay with you.”
Alois nodded happily and said, “Alright, lead the way.”
Fluttershy flared her wings and pressed them against his back, she led him the rest of the way to the table, warning him when he strayed to near one of her animal friends and helping him feel all of the appliances that could get in his way; finally she showed him the table and helped him sit down.
The entire ordeal had taken 14 minutes.
Alois dug in with a voracity that only somepony like Pinkie Pie could equal, but he was still suffering from malnutrition, so he was obviously making up for lost meals.
After he finished he leaned back and sighed contentedly, “Thank you so much, Fluttershy” he said “ I haven’t had this good a meal in…. I-I’m not sure how long.” he frowned and Fluttershy could tell that thinking back was a painful experience, so she hastened to change the subject, “I have to go to town today to visit Twilight, do you want to come with me?”
She expected him to decline, but, to her surprise and joy, he said “Yes, I suppose I’ll need to go out eventually so I will go with you, but I’ll need something to cover myself besides bandages and… umm…. I need to use the facilities, can you help me find them?”
Thus the next hour was spent helping Alois find the bathroom, get cleaned up and then get dressed, thankfully Rarity had made the human a simple blue shirt with gray pants and socks, she had promised to make him more as way of apology for riling the townsponies up; Alois had also insisted on tying a scarf around his empty sockets to keep everypony from being scared.
Once they had everything settled they headed out, Fluttershy leading Alois on by the arm.
As the neared the town Fluttershy felt Alois begin to tremble, fearing that he was getting sick she turned to him and asked him what was wrong, “I just…. I don’t think I can do this.” he said in a worried tone, Fluttershy felt her spirits sink, she had hoped that he would have gotten over his phobia of meeting new ponies.
“Hey now, it’ll be fine, Applejack wasn’t lying when she said that everypony in town is really nice.”
“But what if she was wrong?” Alois whimpered “What if they try to drive me out? What if-”
“Listen to yourself, you sound like a foal!” scolded Fluttershy, to her mild amusement Alois looked down at his stockinged feet and scuffed a toe along the ground in a manner that reminded her of when one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders was in trouble and knew it.
Softening her tone the cream-colored pegasus laid a wing on his arm and said “ Nopony will hurt you, I promise, it’s even a work day, so there won’t be too many ponies around.”
Alois seemed to consider her words, then he said “I’ll trust you.”, he still looked uncertain, but Fluttershy felt glad just the same; I just hope the other ponies help me keep my promise. She thought as they continued their trek.
“I think Daring Do and the Sect of Shadows is the best one. I mean, she bucks a basilisk in the face for Celestia’s sake!”
“Nay, We- I mean I believe that Daring Do and the Sword of the Dragon King is the best: in that one Daring Do stops an evil shadow beast AND closes the gates to Tatarus.”
“But in Sect of Shadows she crashes a train into a hydra!”
“Verily, but in Sword of the Dragon King she teams up with Ahuizotl to stop the end of the world as we know it.”
“Why does that matter? Ahuizotl’s the bad guy!”
“Yes, but a little character depth never hurt anypony.”
...
...
Twilight could not believe her eyes or her ears.
Rainbow Dash was arguing with Princess Luna- THE Princess Luna- over Daring Do.
She wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry or slap herself to see if she was dreaming.
I hope this day quiets down she thought as the two continued to bicker they’ve been going at this for almost an hour and I’m not sure I can take much more of this.
It was at that very moment that Fluttershy entered the library with Alois in tow.
“Hello everypony” said Fluttershy.
“Greetings Fluttershy.” said Luna with a slightly awkward smile.
“ Oh hello Princess, I’m so glad to see you, it’s been so long and we all missed seeing you.” said Fluttershy, the sincerity in her voice caused Luna to blush profusely.
“T-thank thee very much, Fluttershy.” said Luna, looking bashful.
Then Luna saw Alois, who had been listening silently, and her face lit up, she trotted over to meet him, the excitement practically seeping out of her pores.
When Alois heard Luna approach he raised his head and looked around, “Is someone there?” he asked, Luna gazed at him quizzically, “Why art thou wearing that blindfold? is this some form of game? Because We- I love games!”
Alois started and turned his head to the direction of the new voice, he liked the sound of this new voice, it was high (but not obnoxiously so like Pinkie Pie’s voice) and carried with it a mixture of wisdom and child-like glee that he had never heard before: something told him that he was in the presence of a very important pony, though he had no idea where that idea came to him.
Remembering his manners Alois bowed slightly before answering, “I am not playing a game, I’m blind.”
He could hear the pitying gasp that was becoming so familiar before the speaker launched into a stammering apology, “We-I mean I’m s-sorry, We- blast it I didn’t know-”
Alois held his hands up and said “There’s no harm done, I am perfectly accepting of my situation, so you should be too.”
He heard a sigh of relief, not just from the speaker, but from the other ponies in the room, I guess I must be among someone- I mean somePONY important he thought.
Then he realized that he hadn’t introduced himself. “I’m terrible sorry, I haven’t introduced myself yet: my name is Alois Racine.” he said holding out his hand.
“I’m Luna, I’m one of the Princesses: We- I -am responsible for raising the moon.” came the reply, followed by the feeling of a metal-covered hoof touching his hand.
Alois raised his brows and shook her hoof, “You raise the moon?” he questioned, his tone disbelieving, Luna narrowed her eyes, “Dost thou disbelieve me?”
Alois noted her apparent anger and hurried to make amends, “N-no, no! I mean I just… what I meant to say is- I mean-I-I-I err-”
He was interrupted by a light giggle from Luna, “What? What did I do?” he asked, totally bewildered; the giggling evolved into full-blown guffawing.
“Heeheehee I was just teheeheeeasing youhoohoo, oh my, ahehehehe I’m sorry it’s just so funnyheeheehee.” she said through her laughter.
Alois was most certainly NOT amused, in all of his years spent amongst the other nobles he had never taken well to teasing of any kind, his father had always said he was “rather sensitive to jests”, he had once even administered a thorough beating to one of his school mates for teasing him about his longish hair.
Alois winced at the memory of the thrashing that he had received as punishment, it was pure agony, but he had learned two lessons that day: the first was that he shouldn’t act out in such a way and, as good a lesson as that was, the second was infinitely better.
That night he lay in his bed, his bottom and back aching from the belt he began to actually began to think for the first time since reaching his teens, after clearing away the cobwebs in his mind the wheels had begun to turn, if being sensitive and emotional got you into trouble, than bottling them up inside, while risky for obvious reasons, was the better option: to truly live up to his family’s name he had to get rid of all emotional obstacles.
I was such a fool to think that that would help me, none of that helped me when Justine was… doing those things to me.
His revere was broken by a timid voice saying “Umm.. Alois? A-are you okay?”.
The human started and turned to where he assumed Fluttershy was, he gave her a small smile and said, with as much sincerity as he could muster, “I’m fine, I was just… remembering something.”
“Oh, what was it?” asked Twilight, Alois heard a sound like tearing paper followed by the click of a pen.
“Are-are you planning on writing this down?” he asked incredulously.
“Yeeessss? Why wouldn’t I? This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, getting to interview a new species is number 2 on my ‘1000 Things To Do Before I Die’ list, right under ‘Learn Absolutely Everything About Friendship’.”
“You would put Friendship over Studying an Alien Species? Should I be insulted?”
“Friendship is one the most important things ever, wouldn’t you agree?”
Alois rubbed the back of his head, “Well…. not in my world.”
“What do you mean?” asked Luna, now sounding both intrigued and worried.
“At least not in MY circle.” said Alois defensively.
“And just what the hay WAS your circle?” asked Rainbow Dash, ‘“The Circle of Really Sad… uhm… Twilight, what is his species called?”
“Humans?” supplied the Alicorn with a slight smirk.
“Thanks Twi; The Circle of Really Sad Humans?”
“I born into aristocracy.” said Alois with a tinge of pride in his voice, pride which was immediately obliterated by Rainbow’s exclamation of “ Aristo-whatsitnow? You mean you were like the snobby Canterlot types?”
“I-You-I… NO!” he said as he felt his blood boil, “The Racine family- MY family were NOT snobs!”
The shocked silence that followed lasted a full minute before Fluttershy laid a hoof on his leg and said “Shhh… She didn’t mean anything by it.”
Alois clenched his hands until his knuckles turned white as the memories bubbled up from his subconscious: His mother holding him close after a nightmare, His father taking time off from his duties to play a game of chess with him, Father and Mother reading him his favorite story as he lay in his bed during a bout of pneumonia, Mother rubbing his stomach when he got a stomach ache….
He didn’t realize that he was crying until he felt Fluttershy’s soft body press up against him in a hug, he pressed the blindfold against his sockets and felt the cloth begin to get wet.
“I-I’m so-sorry” he said through his tears “M-Mother, Father p-please... forgive me…”, he felt another pony hug him, this one was obviously Luna as he could feel her metal-shod hooves pressing against his upper back.
They held this position for goodness knows how long before Alois had calmed down enough to tell them to let go.
After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly he said, “I’m sorry Miss. Dash, I had forgotten so much about my family and everything just came flooding back…. I hope that you can forgive my outburst.”
He heard the sound of Dash’s wings before he heard her say “I’m sorry too, I was kinda outta line, can you forgive me?”.
Alois gave a watery smile and nodded; the hug that followed nearly crushed his ribs.
After everyone had calmed down Twilight and Alois took a seat at the kitchen table, Fluttershy, Luna and Rainbow Dash joined them a moment later.
“Where’s Spike?” asked Fluttershy, looking around for any sign of the baby dragon.
“Oh he’s asleep” said Twilight dismissively, “I’m sure he’ll be up soon.”
“Spike? Your dragon assistant?” asked Alois
“Yes, he’s the best assistant ever!” she said cheerfully, eliciting a smile from the human.
“Are all dragons used as assistants?” he asked, wanting to know more about the other bipeds that he might have to contend with.
“Oh no, most dragons migrate in herds and don’t usually interact with us ponies” explained the purple alicorn, “Princess Celestia gave me Spike as an egg and had me hatch him as part of my exams.”
“Am I right to assume that Princess Celestia raises the sun?” queried Alois.
“Very good! You catch on pretty quick.”, Twilight said, sounding slightly impressed.
“Thank you, I used to be considered a fast learner.” said Alois with a hint of bitterness.
Deciding not to stick her nose into his business Twilight decided to ask a question over her own…
“What do humans eat?”
Alois raised both eyebrows before answering in a slightly put-off tone, “We are omnivores.”
“So you eat meat?!” asked Twilight, sounding horrified, had Alois still possessed eyes he would have rolled them.
“Yes, we eat meat, if you don’t believe me then look at my teeth, heavens knows that obnoxious Colgate already has.” he said, opening his mouth to show off his canines, everypony flinched.
Everypony, that is, except for Luna.
The Princess of the Night nodded knowingly, “So thou art like my thestrals, they too possess fangs, dost thou- I mean- do you have wings as well?”
Alois shook his head and Luna frowned, only to perk up as another few questions entered her mind.
“Who raises the sun and moon in your world? Are they humans like you? Do you even have a sun and moon?”
Alois chuckled, “We have a sun and moon, but no one raises them, they raise themselves.”
Luna hummed and placed a hoof her her chin, trying to think up another question, but Fluttershy beat her to the punch, much to her annoyance.
“Why do you eat meat? How could you kill another animal in cold blood?”, she asked angrily.
Alois sighed in exasperation, “Animals are nowhere near as intelligent or…or…”
“Cute?” asked Twilight.
Alois nodded, “ Yes… cute, anyway they are not the kind of creatures who would thank you for helping them and they don’t contribute anything besides meat.” And leather, but if I mentioned that Fluttershy would have a heart attack.
“Oh… it’s still awful.” she said after a moment.
Alois just harrumph-ed, earning a frown from the cream-colored pegasus.
“I’m sorry that you’re disgusted by that fact, but humans more important priorities than whether or not the animals that we kill have souls.”
“Like what?” asked Luna.
Alois clenched his fists and heaved a sigh before he looked at Luna “Like war and poverty, weather or not our government will topple, if our government should topple just to end the amount of suffering that it brings. Let me tell you something about my world: it is nowhere near as gentle and caring and full of wonderful persons as this world is, it’s cruel and cold.”
There was dead silence.
Then Fluttershy asked a question that seemed to make the universe itself stop.
“Then why do you want to go back?”
Alois did a double take, he opened his mouth, then shut it, his mind was a whirlwind of chaos with that one question at the center. Why did he want to go back? At first glance it would seem obvious: get back to Mother and Father and make amends…
…
…
But what about after that? Would he take over his father's business? Alois got up and began to pace, deep in thought.
Could he even do that given his current condition? He would need eyes to be able to read the paperwork and check the balances as well as do a great deal many other things, Alois’ father was the owner of the most powerful bank in France, how would he cope with the scorn, the whispering and the pity?
Wait…. maybe there was a way.
“Twilight, you mentioned that magic exists in this word, correct?”
Twilight shared a look with Luna, both knew what was coming… and they didn’t like it one bit, deciding to lessen the pain Twilight spoke up, “I know what you’re going to ask and the answer is no, we can’t restore your sight, it would be too dangerous and it could kill you if it failed.”
“And if it succeeded?” asked Alois, undaunted.
Twilight sighed miserably, “No, even if it didn’t kill you it might still damage your brain or mutate you in some way.”
“But aren’t you and Luna Alicorns? Doesn’t that make you the strongest magic users of them all?” asked Alois, now getting desperate.
“All magic has its limits and there are some things we just cannot do, like raising the dead for instance.” said Luna
“Every part of the body has a bit of magic in it, some species possess a bit more than others, Unicorns have been studying this kind of thing for centuries and by now we know just about all there is to know about the magical consistency of every species.
“Then why don’t you perform your tests on me?” Alois growled, striding up to the studious Alicorn with purpose.
“Do you want to be dissected?” asked Twilight, her patience finally giving out.
Alois stood stock still for a second, then he collapsed onto his knees and didn’t move, for a second Twilight thought that he had fainted in an awkward position, but his fast breathing and twitching fingers suggested otherwise.
“I think we should give him some room.” said Luna, Twilight obeyed and trotted back to the kitchen, glancing behind her at the silent human with a troubled frown; it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Alois was heading straight for a breakdown.
It was distressing and she felt the urge to go and speak to him, but she knew that any attempts to cheer him up at this stage would result in nothing but misery, so she heeded Luna’s words.
Well, she would have heeded her words had Alois not collapsed in a heap.
Twilight ran back to Alois and found Fluttershy in the process of rolling him onto his back and checking his pulse, when Fluttershy sighed in relief Twilight felt some of the panic drop off her.
“What happened?” asked Rainbow Dash, gliding over to the two ponies.
“He fainted” said Fluttershy pityingly “I guess the day was too hectic for him.”, her face fell and tears began to well up in her eyes, “Oh, this is all my fault, if I hadn’t brought him here none of this would’ve happened.” she hung her head in shame, only to find herself being mob hugged by her friends.
“He’s just…. he’s just very scared and confused” said Twilight comfortingly “if anything it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have pressed him so hard.”
“I shall take some of the blame as well” said Luna, disentangling herself from the hug to levitate him onto a nearby couch, “I’m the one who asked him the question that caused him so much grief.”
“I think that we all need to let him rest, if he has another nightmare then we’ll tend to him, but for now I think it’s best to let him be.” said Fluttershy, the other ponies nodded and left the human to his slumber.
As she walked away Twilight couldn’t help but dwell on what Fluttershy had said, Another Nightmare? I hope he sleeps peacefully.
She cast a backwards glance at the unconscious human
I really, really do...