The next week was pretty quiet between Swallow and I. We got in our conversations, but they were short and clipped. She was getting better, slowly but surely. However, it was easy to tell she wouldn't get over Longbow very easily. I didn't know what had killed him, but I did know that Swallow’s constant dives into her dream world were enough to keep his death on the forefront of her mind. I did what I could to keep her cheered up, and it was working, even if ridiculously slowly. Either way, I was glad I could be of help.
Diamond Tiara began to distance herself from me quite considerably, much to my pleasure. The only problem is that rumors were starting to spread like wildfire. Everypony knew I could be rude, cynical, and harsh if I didn't like the individual trying to talk to me, but the rumors took it a bit farther. I heard whisperings as I passed other foals, and I caught what some of them were saying. The most prominent rumor was that Diamond Tiara had joked around, and I smacked her down. Bogus, obviously, though I began to wish that had actually happened.
No rumors that way, only facts. I never had a particularly great reputation, and now it was getting worse. I didn't care all that much, but I did recognize that making new friends would be a giant pain now. Whatever the case, the next collaborative writing session was just around the corner.
<^><^><^><^>
It was a shame that Brimstone was not able to make it today. Being grounded sucked. The rest of us had made it no problem. By the time we had finished the day’s worth of writing, it struck 6 o’clock. Another hour or two and we'd have to wrap up. The void was in turmoil as the bonds holding the whole thing together were beginning to be erased by the resurrection of a long-forgotten deity. The Avatars of the Elements had all been captured, and the two warriors were now rapidly approaching their final confrontation.
I manipulated the quill in my mouth as I detailed the scene before the heroes. Swirling energies, floating rocks as big as a mansion, odd liquids flowing in streams that defied gravity. The heroes readied themselves as the final adversary dropped to their level, his red eyes glaring at them with cocky arrogance. They spread their stances, and attacked. And with that, I ran out of paper. “OK, Waltz. I didn't have any dialogue, but I had you're character join in a frontal charge on the enemy,” I explained as I shifted my three sheets to the front of the table where Heartfelt Waltz was seated.
She nodded, and read the pages out loud to everyone. Given that Brimstone was missing, the rotation of who went next was different today. After Waltz finished reading off my pages, she passed three pages over to Swallow. She looked at her sheets, and her face scrunched up in thought. It took her a little bit, then she grabbed the quill in a magic aura, dipped it in the ink, and began to write away. She did a good job using her forelegs to keep the work hidden; apparently, she didn't want anypony peeking.
I maintained my manners and decided instead to think over the story so far. It was turning out to be a pretty good one, the way I saw it. Of course, being one of its creators, that opinion could easily be considered biased. I was still proud of my contributions, whatever the case. It took several minutes, and some light whispering began to go around the table. Idle conversation to pass the time. I didn't take part, and instead glanced at Swallow. She was focused intently on her paper. The quill scribbled away quickly but carefully.
Whatever she was jotting down must have been pretty intense or she just really liked this part and had been planning it for a while. Whatever the case, Swallow finally sent her three pages up to the front. Waltz took them up and began to read. The battle raged on, and both warriors became horribly injured. The Deity laughed at their defeat, and readied himself for the killing blow. The warrior I had made suddenly felt a calm sense of peace. In what looked to be the end of everything, he summoned his remaining willpower, and called out to the spirits of friends long gone.
They swarmed the Deity, rendered his attack useless, and began to drag him down. In the last moment, the two heroes fused their souls, ripping them free from themselves, and imprisoned the deity forever in a stone prison. I wish I could remember exactly how it was worded; it is a horrible feeling for me to realize that I forgot. All I know is that the way it was worded touched me deeply. A beautiful speech was the entirety of the last page, and when Waltz finished reading, nopony spoke for a moment. Finally, Waltz smiled.
“I knew you had talent, Swallow, but...Dang, that was amazing,” Waltz said. Swallow nodded, smiling happily.
“Thank you. I saw an opportunity to emphasize that sometimes sacrifices need to be made,” Swallow explained. The others nodded in agreement.
“You did a fine job,” Buckler said.
“It was well said, I added. The group began to adjourn, with us deciding to take next week to let our creative sides reboot a little bit. We'd meet on Friday the week after. With all that decided, I excused myself from the now casual hangout. I stepped out into what was now winter air. The snows were scheduled to start pretty soon, as was Winter break. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do come winter break. I mean, I only ever got to hang out with my friends when I was at school, or at these meet-ups. Eventually, I heard the front door to Waltz's house pop open.
“Hey, Nettle?” I heard Buckler ask. I grunted my awareness of his presence. “You've been a little distant today. You alright?” he asked.
“Heh. Ever the perceptive one, aren't you?” I asked with an amused smile. Buckler shrugged as he sat down next to me.
“I just don't want you putting yourself away from us. If you're having any problems, we want to help.” Buckler explained, looking at me. I hesitated. Was I having any problems? I couldn't think of any. I mean, at this time, I was happier than I'd felt in a long time. So why did I appear or seem distant, as Buckler put it?
“I feel great, actually. I'm not having any big problems,” I answered, wracking my brain for anything substantial. I drew a blank.
“Small problems can add up, ya know,” Buckler said. True as that was, the only small problem I was having was the matter of those idiotic rumors. And even then, I really didn't care. Was there anything else? I thought it over a bit longer, and gave Buckler my answer.
“I'm not sure why I seem distant to you. I've got maybe one little issue, and that's the problem of rumors. But those aren't really bothering me, either,” I said, running over the day in my head.
“Rumors?” Buckler asked simply. I nodded.
“Yeah, I'm sure you heard them. That I attacked Diamond Tiara over a little joke.” I chuckled a little bit at the sheer absurdity of it all.
“And did you?” Buckler pressed.
“Someone will sooner or later, but it will not be me,” I replied. We were silent for a second. “Say, what am I doing to make me seem 'distant'?”
“You've been speaking in short answers, rather than your usual in-depth self. Further, you keep zoning out. Didn't you notice that you had to ask us to repeat ourselves?” Buckler explained.
“No, I didn't notice that,” I muttered, thinking it over. I did zone out a few times, now that he mentioned it. I followed my mental train track back to the last zone out to see if I could remember what I was thinking about. Oddly, I found myself remembering the sad expression that Swallow wore when we were at her doorstep. How she smiled at me with the expression I couldn't read or even see in the rain before she went inside.
It was odd to me. What was it about that face that mesmerized me so much? I mean, I usually kept my eyes to myself, and if I saw something that I deemed unimportant, I forget the mental image rapidly. But this? I was there, almost. At the foot of the cobblestone steps, in my coat and in the rain, Swallow in front of me, tilting her head over her shoulder to look at me. There was something in those eyes that I couldn't see. It was frustrating for me to see her through the haze of the rain, and not be able to identify the emotion through it all.
I could tell this much; It wasn't a positive emotion. It was something sad, something distracted. Like she was looking at something far away and wished she could get closer. I have no idea what she could be looking at. Her eyes simply reflected the haze shower of rain. Her eyes blinked slowly, and she began to turn away. I wanted to follow her, but something forbade me. Some invisible force held my legs still. The door began to close. The box through which I could see her got smaller, and smaller. She turned her eyes to me one last time, before the door closed.
“...Nettle!” Buckler said, somewhat loudly, and snapping me back to reality.
“Huh, what?” I asked, glancing around.
“You just did it again,” Buckler pointed out. “You got this really distant look about you, and you stared off into the distance, not even paying any attention to what I was saying.” He looked at me carefully, as though looking for any sign I wasn't being honest. “Stinging Nettle, are you sure you're OK?” I nodded.
“I think so. I just... something keeps distracting my thoughts,” I explained, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Care to elaborate?” Buckler pressed on diligently. He usually didn't let a matter go until he was satisfied with the received answer.
“Well... Do you remember on Monday, Swallow was really sad about something, so Cherilee let me guide her home so she could take it easy?” I asked, wanting to make sure we were on the same page before I began rambling. A slow nod was my reply. I took a moment before continuing. “Well, before she vanished from my sight through her front door... she looked at me. I saw something in her eyes, that I couldn't identify through the rain. Just... something about the look she gave me in that moment has me stumped,” I detailed before looking back over at Buckler.
He held his silence for a moment, pondering my words. “Maybe you're over thinking it?” he suggested.
“I already admit that I am over thinking it. I dunno why my mind keeps wandering back to that expression,” I said, growing quieter as I talked. The sun was beginning to set. I looked at the sun a moment. I asked something, then. Something that I'm not sure why I asked. It just kind of hit me, and came out of my mouth before I could really process what it was I was saying. “Why is she called Swallow?”
“What?” Buckler asked, tilting his head at me.
“Her name is Twinkling Swallow. Now, I get the twinkling part. Magic shimmers, shines, sparkles, twinkles, you name it. But... why Swallow? Don't get me wrong, it's a very pretty name, and I'm perfectly fine with it, but It's just not a name I'd expect be on a Unicorn, you know? A swallow is a bird, which says to me that the name Swallow would reflect being able to fly. It would make more sense to name her Swallow if she were a Pegasus.” I cleared my throat when I was done, then looked over at Buckler. He had this thoughtful look about him.
“I'm not sure. Maybe you should ask her?” Buckler suggested, to which I couldn't help but laugh.
“No. I'd feel like I was asking for her age, and that's rude,” I said between chuckles.
“And since when do you care about being rude or polite? You've always been pretty callous in my eyes,” he replied, raising an eyebrow in my direction.
“Oh, gee thanks!” I said, playfully swatting his shoulder. We shared a laugh.
“But seriously, why do you suddenly care about being polite?” he pushed on. I hesitated when I realized he wasn't dropping this one.
“Huh... I'm not actually sure. Maybe because she hasn't pried into my stuff, so I won't pry into hers? I mean yeah, I can be rude and calloused, but only if I dislike somepony. If I won’t know you, I simply keep my distance, and if I'm youur friend, then I don't dig my nose into your business unless I have permission.” I mulled over the words as I said them. Most of that was true. I occasionally forgot to ask if it was any of my business if my friends appeared sad.
“I guess that makes sense,” Buckler agreed. We sat there in silence for a moment.
“I've never really had a chat like this with my family,” I muttered.
“Oh?” was all that I heard from the teal pony sitting next to me.
“Yeah. They love me, don't get me wrong. I love them right back, but...” I sighed. “I don't always feel like I'm getting the sort of love and care a usual family’s foal would. I see at the end of each school day parents coming to take their young home, kissing their cheeks. I also see them saying “I love you” when dropping off their foals or when parting ways.” I looked down as I suddenly realized how depressing this was getting. “Do you know how long it's been since my parents said 'I love you'?” I asked.
“No,” was Bucklers only reply. I bit my lip.
“I haven't heard those words said to me by anypony for... a year or two? Something like that,” I said, my voice getting quieter as I went. How could I only just now realize this? I shook my head, but said nothing more. Buckler opened his mouth to say something, but a voice from behind cut him off.
“I'm so sorry to hear that...” Swallow said. I jumped in surprise and whirled around to see her walking up to us from Waltz's door. I opened my mouth to say something, likely to complain that she shouldn't sneak up on ponies, but my tongue held its place.
Buckler spoke instead, “Oh! Swallow. We didn't see you there.” Swallow nodded to him but didn't reply. Instead she walked up to me.
“Do you know why?” she asked me.
“Why what?” I requested.
“Why they haven’t said they love you in so long?”.
“Well... I guess because I already know they love me, and they know I love them back?” I cracked a guess and hoped it would be satisfactory. It wasn't.
“No, that's not good. If a family truly loves each other, they should remind each other every chance they get,” Swallow said, shaking her head rapidly at me. I frowned.
“Is there some kind of consequence for not saying so?” I asked.
“Of course. That love shared in the family could easily break if it isn't reinforced. Acting on that love is always a good thing, but suppose the one you're acting for doesn't see it that way? The proper response is to say thank you, but what if you say it not because you're actually grateful, but because the actions they took furthered you're own desires? A father could act for his son, make some sacrifice so that his son would be happy, and his son, if that love wasn't enforced right, may just bask in the benefits, without even a heartfelt thank you.” I paused. I wasn't really sure how much I agreed with her assessment.
“Nettle...” Swallow said in response to my silence. I looked up at her. “Promise me that when you get home, you'll give your family a nice big group hug, and tell each of them that you love them. Can you do that?” she whispered. I stalled for a second. “I don't want to see your family drift apart...”
“I...”
“Promise me,” she said firmly. I looked at her. I wasn't really the type to say 'I love you' to anypony, even my own family. Just came with them never saying it, I guess.
“Alright. I promise.” I said. Swallow beamed at me, and gave me a hug.
“Alright. I'll hold you to it. I gotta get going, sadly. I have somewhere I need to be in the morning, and gotta get some early sleep.” She said apologetically, and turned to go.
“I'll be seeing you,” I said. Swallow turned to look at me, her smile bright and cheerful. I felt my chest heat up a bit at the sight. Her smile was so adorable. She waved and galloped away.
<^><^><^><^>
About an hour later, I entered my house. My mother and father were nowhere in sight. My older brother, Obsidian Night (we just call him Noctis), was standing not far away, looking over his uniform which was hanging in the closet. He was a midnight blue color, with a dark brown mane and tale. He had recently gotten hired, and worked full time as a delivery boy. He was hoping to move out by the end of next year. He noticed me, but didn’t say anything. Noctis had always been kinda quiet when occupied. I figured I'd give him his space for now. Then, my promise to Swallow came back into my mind.
I promised a group hug, and my mom and dad were nowhere to be seen at the moment. “Noctis? Have you seen mom and dad?” I asked.
“Dad’s upstairs, Mom’s out picking up some dessert from sugarcube corner,” Noctis replied.
“Ah, we ran out again?”
“Yup.” A pause in our discussion.
“Do you have work today?” I asked.
“No, I got the day off today,” he said. Good, that would mean my whole family would be present. I smiled slightly. I hoped to Celestia this didn't get awkward. I put away the stuff in my saddlebags, and started up the stairs. My house wasn't very big, but eh. I took a left at the top, and moments later found myself in my dads 'office'. He worked as assistant manager at Quills and Sofas. My dad was a fiery orange earth pony with a red mane. He glanced up to me, and a smile spread across his face.
“Hey, Nettle,” he said happily.
“Hi. You gonna be busy tonight?” I asked.
“Not really. Why? What's up?” he asked.
“I was, uh, hoping to talk to you, mom and Noctis after dinner,” I said, suddenly feeling nervous.
“Of course. What about?” he asked.
“That's for after dinner,” I said with a smile. My dad chuckled merrily.
“Alright, mister secrecy, we'll do this your way,” he said. I nodded happily to him before heading back out. I headed back down the stairs and looked to Noctis. He was a unicorn, which was really helpful for his line of work. Still, it made him more flexible than me, and it was kind of saddening occasionally. I always felt inferior around him. It also doesn't help that he has such a cool name. I mean come on, Obsidian Night? That's awesome if you ask me. We also use Noctis as his nickname because it seemed to fit him.
When he was younger, he always called himself 'Lord Noctis', just for giggles. I averted my gaze. He had so much more potential then I did, now that I thought about it. He had magic, for one. Further, he was much more coordinated; he was stronger, faster, more level-headed. Heck, his ability to tell a good story far surpassed my own. I was a little jealous every now and then. I still love him like a brother should, don't get me wrong. I just don't always appreciate being the lowest one in terms of capability.
I sat down in a chair and grabbed a book from the nearby book-case. I'd read this one before. A good story, but a little slow paced. Still, I settled in to pass the time until dinner.
<^><^><^><^>
My mother, a light blue unicorn with a mane of rose red, came home after a little while. She had brought a dozen cupcakes to serve as desert for the next few days. She and I didn't say much, other than a simple greeting. Soon, dinner was served. I don't remember what we were having that night; I barely touched it. My mind was busy psyching up for what I was going to do once everypony else finished eating. They talked about various things occasionally, including a congratulations on Noctis' new job. I didn't say anything as I tried to figure out how to best go about this.
I was over thinking the heck out of it, now that I look back on it. I was snapped out of my thinking by my mother commenting on my silence. “Nettle, dear, are you okay? You haven't been saying anything.”
“Uh, yeah. Just... thinking...” I muttered. I got some concerned looks from my family. I sighed. “Okay, I guess it's about what I want to talk to you all about.”
“Well, let's hear it,” Noctis urged. I nodded slowly, standing from my seat.
“I guess I shouldn't put this off,” I said. My family looked somewhat concerned after I said that. “Come on, everypony up,” I said, giving an 'up' motion with my hoof. Noctis rose slowly, Mom was up rather quickly, as was dad. I walked a little ways to the side, to a somewhat more open area. “Over here,” I urged softly. Noctis, my mother, and my father slowly approached wordlessly. Soon, we had a small circle.
I smiled softly as I realized something. A family is like a shape. For it to be whole, you need all of the points, and all of the points need to be connected. I looked to each of my family members. Noctis had a sort of calm concern about him. Mom and dad each looked a little confused, but mainly worried. I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was now or never. I lifted my right foreleg first, draping it over my dad's shoulders. I did the same to Noctis. I looked to mom expectantly. She edged forward, seeming to get the gesture now. Within moments, the four of us were in an embrace.
Here we go.
“I love you...” I said. I didn't receive an immediate response. “We don't say that nearly enough...” I continued quietly. The silence began to get to me. Finally, though, My father spoke.
“We love you, too,” he said. I smiled, but just had to ask.
“And everyone else, right?”
“Huh?” My mother asked quietly.
“Every member of this hug loves every other one. We're a family. We can't let that fact slip away from us,” I said. I heard my mother sniffle slightly. We just sat there for a long time, I don't know for how long. I committed this memory to heart. I will never forget that moment. Noctis remained oddly silent, but was just as sincere in the hug as everypony else. And so there we sat as a full family. For the first time in about two years, I realized, I felt loved. I knew it was there, but I had forgotten what it was like to simply express it.
We eventually separated. I don't really remember what happened next, but I do know the house was respectfully quiet. Eventually, I found myself in my bed, lying there, slowly drifting off to sleep. I remembered what Swallow had said, and connected it to my analogy from earlier. The love of a family could easily break. The points not being placed, or a line not being drawn. And the whole picture is incomplete If you are missing even one line or point. A point is worse to be without.
You see, the points are the ponies in the family. The lines represent their bonds. It is more desired to simply have family members lose contact or bonds, then to remove one completely from the picture. The shape would be forever broken in an irreplaceable way. Even if somehow you managed to find a substitute dot... It just won't be the same.
I'm happy that Swallow opened my eyes to that.