//------------------------------// // A new life in a new land // Story: My Little Pony: Amor Esta Magica // by WarThunderBrony //------------------------------// "Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the first episode of the very very first season of The Pyramid Game Bolivia!" announced TV host Jon Bon Jovi. Being on a game show on national television was a wonderful feeling; what made it even better was the fact that the winning prize would be a trip to Syldavia. And what could be better for me now than such a trip -- to get away from all the hustle and bustle here in Bolivia. The said game show, the well-known Pyramid Game, was a game that -- as that caballo Big Mac had said -- would test one's general knowledge. Little did I realise, however, what would be in store for me on the game show. The first thing I realised was that my opponent in this game was Huascar Leon, who had been my arch-enemy for an extended period of time. Huascar was 11 years younger than me but certainly was very gifted in the knowledge of many areas, especially drawing and visual art. As I'd mentioned before, he was also from the Inca tribe, traditionally the sworn enemies of our Aymara tribe. So there we stood on our two podiums, with Jon Bon Jovi alongside us, and an audience of practically the whole nation. "Thank you all! Muchas gracias!" boomed Jon Bon Jovi. "Allow me to introduce our two contestants! On my left, Huascar Leon from Chaco!" "The greatest!" shouted everybody. "And on my right, Alberto Garcia from La Paz!" announced Jon Bon Jovi. "Indomitablest" cried the people. "But of course!" I boasted. "Thank G-d I'm nothing like los Incas who..." I stopped in mid-sentence because Huascar raised his fist at me, about to hit me. "OK, the two of you, please don't let's fight here on TV," Jon Bon Jovi said to both of us. Huascar, in a fit, went back to his podium. I stayed at mine. "So now, the two of you get ready!" ordered Jon Bon Jovi. "The first question goes like this: There is a famous novel about a priest who goes to look for scrolls in India. What was the name of that novel?" Of course I knew the answer; but somehow Huascar's hand shot up faster than mine. "Er... Jon, what's the first word of the novel's name?" he countered. The audience doubled up with laughter. "'Viaggio'," replied Jon Bon Jovi. "Er... Is the novel's name 'Viaggio a Reims'?" asked Huascar. "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no! The right answer is 'Viaggio al West," said Jon Bon Jovi. "Senor Bon Jovi, he doesn't want to say 'West' because he has his reservations about Western-minded people!" I interrupted. Huascar glared at me. "Please, the two of you, stop fighting!" said Bon Jovi. "OK, next question!" I knew I had to somehow get ready for this one if I was going to be first to answer it. "Complete the proverb," said Bon Jovi. "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and...?" I was first to shoot my hand up. Yes! This was my chance to get it right. Though I do confess that this riddle was a lot harder than I thought.... "Could you repeat the question again, por favor?" I requested. "OK," said Bon Jovi. "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and...?" "Laugh and the world laughs with you ... do you mean, laugh out loud until the whole world can hear?" I asked, getting confused by JBJ's gringo English. "It is a figure of speech!" cried Bon Jovi. "You're taking it too literally! Treat it like a comparison. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and ...?" "Laugh and the world laughs with you," I said, "cry and.... you have to blow your nose!" I finished rather triumphantly. "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no!" said Bon Jovi. "The right answer is 'Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you weep alone'!" "Garcia, just a word of advice," said Huascar, smiling cynically and putting his hand on me. "If you don't have any standard of general knowledge, I suggest you don't take part in this kind of game the next time." "OK, the two of you, playtime is over now!" announced Bon Jovi. "Now on to the next question!" I gritted my teeth. "Listen carefully," said Bon Jovi. "This is another complete-the-saying question. Listen up: 'I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd...' Complete the sentence please." Wow, I beat Huascar to it in raising my hands first again! However this question was tougher than the other one. "Er... no se?" I answered. "What? You mean you don't know?" cried Bon Jovi. "Then what for did you raise your hands? Oh man..." Suddenly Huascar raised his hand. "Yes, Huascar?" said Bon Jovi. "Can you ask the question again por favor?" said Huascar. "Listen carefully," said Bon Jovi; "'I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd...' Complete the puzzle." Huascar took a deep breath and answered, "... but you're gonna be in my cooking pot!" He did seem very sure of himself. "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no!" said Bon Jovi. "You're totally off topic there!" "Si, si, los Incas are always off topic!" I mocked. Huascar raised his fist in a gesture of hostility, but Bon Jovi pointed at him, clearly meaning business, so Huascar grudgingly put his hand down. "OK, Question Number 4," said Bon Jovi. "Listen carefully: What is every school student's favorite catchphrase?" Again I beat Huascar to it in raising my hand! "Yes, Alberto?" said Bon Jovi. "No se," I replied, a little confused. "Correct! You got it right there!" cried Bon Jovi. Applause rose up from all sides. I was a little shocked.... I'd said to him that I didn't know, so how come I'd gotten it right there?? "And so, ladies and gentlemen, 1 point for Alberto!" announced Bon Jovi. Honestly speaking, for once Huascar was just as astonished as I was. "Que pasa?" cried Huascar. "He said 'no se', meaning that he doesn't know; so how can you say he got it right there?!" "Well, 'I don't know' is the favorite catchphrase of every school student all around the world," said Bon Jovi, smiling. "Go check in every school and see which catchphrase is more common than any other, if you don't believe me!" "Caramba! Just a remarkable coincidence!" scoffed Huascar. So now I was leading 1-0. "Next question," said Bon Jovi, looking serious. "What comes after ABC....?" I was rejoicing over my lead of one point so much so that I forgot to raise my hand, and Huascar beat me again!! "Yes, Huascar?" said Bon Jovi. "Question again, por favor?" countered Huascar. "What comes after ABC...?" asked Bon Jovi. "Kiam chye cha roti?" answered Huascar, triumphantly. "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no!" said Bon Jovi. "Sorry, but we are using either English or Spanish on this TV show. No Amerindian dialects. Can you please answer in either English or Espanol, por favor?" Huascar, shocked, took a deep breath. "Er... salt veggies with fried roti?" he re-answered. "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no!" said Bon Jovi. "Where in the world is there such a thing as salted vegetables with fried pancakes?? Next question, both please get ready." We both stood by. "Now listen up, this is a tough one," said Bon Jovi, his eyes focusing towards both of us. "What are the names of the two lead roles in James Cameron's 'Titanic' as played by Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet?" I beat Huascar in raising my hand again, thank goodness. "Yes, Alberto?" said Bon Jovi. I took a deep breath. "Er.... Jack and Jill?" I guessed. "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no!" said Bon Jovi. "Jack and Rose is the right answer!" "But senor Bon Jovi, I got one of the names correct!" I pleaded my case. "That doesn't count, sorry," said Bon Jovi. He turned to the audience. "Well, I'm terribly sorry, ladies and gentlemen; but it seems that both our contestants tonight are a little mentally retarded, so they've gotten only one question right so far..." "HOLA! Senor! You don't anyhow call us 'mentally retarded' I tell you first!" suddenly shouted Huascar, raising his finger and pointing it at Bon Jovi. "Tomorrow I will get my lawyers to write you a letter, see if I don't!" Huascar then turned to me, apparently now looking sympathetic. "Garcia, you heard what he just said? He dares to slander us, and on national TV some more!" he pointed out. I looked Bon Jovi in the eye. "Do you know that I'm an ex-killer?" I said, truthfully, and on national television at that. Bon Jovi cowered, taking a few steps back in alarm. "Scared now, Speedy Bon Jovi?" said Huascar. "If you want us to show you some mercy, why don't YOU try and answer our questions?" "OK! OK! You win!" said Bon Jovi. "I'll play it your way!" * * * BIG MCINTOSH: Snips and Snails and I had been tuning in to Chanel Ocho on the Bolivian National Television all the way from Equestria. This North American game show, being a GK-based one, was never intended to be funny from the start, especially with a no-nonsense host like Jon Bon Jovi; but with such Latino Amerindians as Alberto and Huascar inside it, how then could it not become not merely funny but also hilarious? Snips and Snails were literally rolling on the hay and laughing their cutie marks off; I was covering my muzzle with my forehooves trying my hardest not to laugh. The Pyramid Game had all along been a very harsh game which left many of its rejected contestants in great despair, thanks to Jon Bon Jovi's ridiculously high standards. But to think that two Amerindian men had, for the first time in history, conquered Jon Bon Jovi just by a little amusement -- this was just so amusing that we all could not help but feel tickled. But what amazed us the most, was that Pinkie Pie's prophecy was starting to be fulfilled -- Alberto and Huascar were indeed showing signs of friendship for the very first time in history. I was officially amazed that for once, our efforts finally were bearing some fruit. Of course, it was not any excuse for us to rest on our laurels; we still had to be fully sure that Alberto would turn out successful in his quest in the end. "This Alberto really is so amusing!" laughed Snails. "I've seriously never seen anypony more funny than him! I mean, he even can answer the question without half knowing what he's been asked -- 'no se', and it turns out that he's right! Ah! Ah! Ah!" "No, I think Huascar's more amusing!" argued Snips. "Ah! Ah! He actually threatens the world's most sadistic variety show host for merely making a passing statement -- and makes history in the process!" "Be quiet, the two of you, let's continue watching and seeing what happens!" I ordered the two colts. They finally calmed down and we continued to watch the show. It was seriously very amusing. But what was about to happen was even more amusing -- instead of JBJ asking them million-dollar questions, now THEY were asking HIM the million-dollar questions!! "Now let's see what your pattern is like, Senor Bon Jovi!" Huascar was saying. "Listen carefully: There were ten birds. I shot one of them down. Funny, the other nine birds did not fly away! Why is that so?" "Oh!" replied Bon Jovi, "it's because the birds were locked in a cage, and..." "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no!" laughed Huascar, echoing JBJ's wrong-answer catchphrase. "The right answer is: Because the birds I was shooting, were ostriches!" Applause from the audience. Snips and Snails started laughing again. Even I was now finding it hard to control my own laughter. "Now it's my turn!" shouted Alberto. I looked on the screen. Alberto was addressing Jon Bon Jovi. "Listen carefully: Who goes to work only once a year and yet never gets fired?" asked Alberto. "The owner," guessed Bon Jovi, "because...." "Ho, ho, ho! No, no, no! The right answer is: Father Xmas!" smiled Alberto. Applause again. Bon Jovi cowered, clearly showing that he was beaten. That was indeed a really funny joke that Alberto had just told, and for once Snips and Snails and I could clearly see the funny side of him. Prior to this, most of us in Equestria had known Alberto to be a very no-nonsense man; but now we could see that he did after all have a sense of humour. "As you can see, Alberto, he won't get himself a single point," suddenly said Huascar, petting Alberto on the back. Now THAT was something -- Huascar, Alberto's sworn enemy, suddenly petting Alberto on the back?? And the three of us saw it. Over in Canterlot, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon, along with Derpy and Rainbow Dash, were watching this same telecast; surely they'd seen that?? The most interesting thing was that after only two questions -- one from Huascar and one from Alberto -- Jon Bon Jovi finally gave in and counted up the points, noting that Alberto had won that round. My guess is that it was partly because of time trouble on JBJ's part. Alberto was taken by JBJ over to the "bonus round" of the game, where he was given a "memory game" puzzle consisting of 15 marco-on-screen dominoes, each of which had the name behind it, divided into 7 pairs of 2 dominoes each with the same name (and one domino left over); Alberto had only a starting time of 35 seconds to finish solving this entire puzzle. Snips, Snails, and I kept our eyes flashed on the screen. Suddenly there came a knock on my door. "Come in," I said. The door opened. Flash Sentry was there. "Has anypony among you seen Princess Twilight Sparkle?" he asked. "She's needed at Wonderbolts Academy now." I was officially surprised. "What -- you mean she's not with you??" I gasped. "She went to the restroom for a bit and did not return," said Flash Sentry. "Now her big brother, my boss Prince Shining Armour, is getting rather concerned. We need to find out where she is." "No need to argue; we'll just go with Flash Sentry!" said Snips. "To be precise: We'll go!" added Snails. So I had to follow my two young charges out for this quest together with Flash Sentry.... * * * ALBERTO: The bonus round was already going to be a tough one. This was a game of concentration. I had to get all the possible matches of these 15 on-screen turn-over cards sorted out within 35 seconds, if I could do that, then I'd win the bonus round and the trip to Syldavia with it. The 35 seconds were really tough for me, but in the dying 2 seconds I solved the final match, and won the bonus round. Senor Bon Jovi looked really stumped. The entire audience was applauding like never before. I was honestly amazed; what in the name of the Santa Virgen Madre de Dios had I done to receive this kind of ovation and adoration from the public, the great majority of whom I didn't know? Bon Jovi, very grudgingly, passed me the ticket I had won, the ticket to Syldavia. This was just simply amazing. But what amazed me more was not only the ovation I'd received, but also Bon Jovi's speechlessness after discovering that I'd won the bonus round. Only after I stepped out of the Corporacion Media de Bolivia and set off home, that was when I knew. I bumped into Huascar Leon outside the Corporacion Media. "So, somepony has made history," he said. He looked very pissed. I took a deep breath, making sure I thought before I spoke. "Aww, it's only a game, what's the big deal?" I asked coldly. "Garcia, do you not know that you are the first person in the history of the Pyramid Game to have won the bonus round?" said Huascar. "And that the game was of gringo origin, yet you are not a gringo?" Now THAT was what perked me up. I turned round and looked Huascar in the eye -- perhaps for the first time in history too, seeing that he and I rarely got along well. "Que dijiste?" I asked, completely bewildered. But before Huascar could answer, a huge big white Mercedes-Benz with an Argentinian number plate sped around the corner. Its headlights dazzled me, especially since it was already nearly midnight; but I knew that car only too well, I'd know it anywhere. As the Mercedes-Benz passed us by, the rear window opened and sub-machine-gun shots rang out. Quick as a flash, I jumped on Huascar and held him to the ground, saving him (and myself too) from the bullets just in the nick of time. "Que pasa?!" gasped Huascar. I said nothing in reply, but kept holding Huascar down tightly for at least 5 minutes (but which seemed to me like years long), hoping that that car would not return. Huascar said nothing, but looked at me very strangely. I looked at him back, keeping my silence and composure. Suddenly my mobile phone rang. I answered it. "Hola?" "Hola, Alberto? It's Princess Twilight Sparkle here," came a familiar neighing feminine voice over the receiver. "Come over to Hotel 81 in La Paz and meet me at the lobby. Bring your baggages. I've told the hotel manager to book a room for you for the night." "Gracias," I said to her. "I'll be right over within an hour." I hung up and looked at Huascar. "Let me take you home first," I said to him. "We're in Sucre now; we'll pass by Chaco along the way." "Si," said Huascar, rather grudgingly. Now Huascar was like little more than five-feet-four-inches tall, not exactly very tall for his age; while I was around five-feet-eight. Hence it was not any issue for me to piggy-back him home at all, given also that I'd been through so much s**t in all the workplaces I'd worked in from my hometown of La Paz to as far as the Canaries. We soon arrived at Huascar's home. It was a small estate of flats called Los Altiplanos del Gran Chaco, and was located in the north of the town. Huascar lived on the 29th storey of his block. I took him up via elevator right to his home. Apparently his parents and two of his sisters were waiting at the front gate. "You certainly took your time, Huascar!" boomed Bernardo Leon. "Weren't you supposed to be home by 9:15pm latest? What happened to you all night after the show? Were you out drinking or something?" "No, Papa," said Huascar. "And who is this hombre joven here?" demanded Bernardo, indicating to me. "Er... just someone I met along the way home, he offered to take me," said Huascar, truthfully. "Buenas tardes, Uncle; buenas tardes, Auntie," I said. "Me llamo Alberto. Alberto Garcia." "Are you waiting for tea?" asked Bernardo, sounding sarcastic. "No, Uncle. I must go. Gracias, Uncle. Gracias, Auntie," I said, and slowly plodded away. Inasmuch as I still had my reservations about caballos, I would certainly never want to keep Princess Twilight Sparkle waiting; especially since I already knew that booking a hotel room, even in Hotel 81, was not cheap.... * * * PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Alberto's win at that game show just turned out to be a very one-off case of luck. From what I'd gathered at my research in Golden Oaks Library, there was no host more sadistic than New Jersey native Jonathan Francis Bongiovi, alias Jon Bon Jovi, who was known for booting out numerous bands in the "Battle of the Bands" talentime competitions that he'd originally become famous for hosting; and even in non-band shows like the Pyramid Game for instance, he made it a point to set extremely high standards so that only the best of the best would win. I was missing from Equestria for so long because I'd flown to Earth to make sure that Alberto came to no further embarassment at this game show. In fact, I was about to have a word with Big Mac about his suggestion that Alberto take part in this game show. Nopony among us had for one minute expected that Alberto would win it just by a stroke of pure luck. I was also aware about the fact that Huascar actually approached Alberto outside the Corporacion Media, in the hope for a confrontation so that he could kill Alberto and get that ticket to Syldavia. But somehow, Benz Guzman's car drove by, though Benz Guzman was not driving it that day; rather, the car had "Long Tall Texan" Alvin Matthew Simoneau in the driver's seat, along with three other All Lee managers -- Ramon Prada, Dario Coleda, and Natanaele Duarte -- who were using their submachine guns and firing at both Huascar AND Alberto. Somehow, Alberto's intuition was right; he dived on Huascar and pinned him to the ground, and saved both his own life as well as Huascar's. Then, wonder of wonders.... Alberto actually offered to take Huascar home -- the first time in history where I'd seen Alberto apparently getting along well with Huascar. My guess is that Alberto probably knew that he still had charges pending against him, and didn't want to add another one (voluntary manslaughter), so he most probably offered to take Huascar home not so much out of goodwill as it was in order to make sure that nothing untoward happened to Huascar physically. While waiting Alberto at the lobby of Hotel 81, I looked through the "Equestria crystal ball" app on my iPhone 4, making sure it showed me what was happening on Huascar's end. Huascar did get home safely, however it seemed like his family was not happy that Alberto took him home that night on piggyback. From where I was I could see them and hear their dialog. "No, Uncle. I must go. Gracias, Uncle. Gracias, Auntie," said Alberto, as he went back to the lift landing. "Papa, como esta?" wondered Huascar. "Your Papa likes to throw his weight about," remarked Isabella Leon, Huascar's mother, an odd-job worker. "He scared away the poor boy." "He's no boy!" suddenly said Bernardo Leon, Huascar's father, a technical engineer. "You just wait and see; from now on he'll start coming here, see if he doesn't." "Que dijiste Papa?" said Huascar, clearly very zonked out after the game show. "This is his way home." "Then let me see him do only that!" said Bernardo, raising a warning finger into his son's face. "I mustn't see him leaning against my grill-gate!" On seeing the dialog among Huascar and his family, I was just keeping my hooves crossed and hoping that Alberto was not going to get into any further trouble.... and just then Alberto arrived. "Sorry I'm late," he said, "I was held up." "It's OK," I replied. "We'll have a drink of some tequila and then turn in. Tomorrow morning is your flight to Syldavia. Hopefully while you're on holiday there, you'll be able to heal your emotions." Alberto was clearly zonked out after the drink that the first thing he did after we went up to his hotel room, was to go to sleep totally nude without bothering to shower. I merely hugged him to sleep and lay down awake beside him, and prepared to head back to Equestria. Around 1 am, Flash Sentry and Snips and Snails and Big McIntosh were at the hotel balcony. "Quick! Come with us!" said Flash Sentry. "You're needed back at the palace!" "What's up?" I growled. "What time is it now?" "Just come!" Flash Sentry beckoned. "No time to lose!" Grudgingly, I followed him and the three others back to Equestria, concerned for Alberto's safety deep inside.... * * * ALBERTO: I was very drunk that night after having that chalice of tequila together with Princess Twilight. I remember going into the hotel room and just taking off my clothes and falling down on the bed, and Princess Twilight's furry body huggling and snuggling me to sleep (I could just feel it, it felt just like your typical bolster, only with a more distinctive caballo scent). It was around 3 or 4 am that same night if I can recall right, that I heard relentless banging on my hotel door. I woke up and put on a towel and went to answer the door. "Yes? What time is it?" I asked, very angry at being disturbed. I looked out of the door and saw a few local men in smart casual attire. They wore lanyards and had submachine guns in their belts. "Senor Alberto Garcia?" said one of the men. "We're from the Bolivian Criminal Investigation Department, and we suspect you of running away from the Army during the time of crisis in our country when all men were expected to join the armed forces. Could you kindly follow us back now to assist us in our investigations, por favor?" Thinking Princess Twilight was still there, I took a deep breath before I spoke. "Before you arrest me," I said calmly, "please kindly have a word with my superior. She's inside here." "Sure," said the leader of the officers, who followed me into my hotel room. I was hoping that Princess Twilight was still there..... but I had a rude awakening on discovering that my hotel bolster was right there in that very place where she was supposed to have been. "Caramba!" I gasped. "Senor Alberto, I'm sorry, but that counts as a charge of false testimony," said the leader of the officers. "Come with us now!" He tried to handcuff me, but I turned and whacked him. We got into a bit of a brawl. Just as I thought I was overpowered (four officers against me alone!), I saw that my hotel balcony window was open, and so I ran out onto the balcony and jumped right over, not caring about what was going to happen to me (the hotel room I was staying on was on the 30th storey of Hotel 81). Wonder of wonders, I landed on something fluffy and soft, and felt the wind suddenly start blowing my hair. I opened my eyes. It was Princess Twilight Sparkle! She had come to my rescue just in the nick of time. Now here I was, lying prostrate on her back as she flew through the air. My memories flashed back to my very first encounter with Princess Twilight Sparkle.... [flashback] I was touching up my documents when I swore I saw two silhouettes fly by my window. It did seem a little funny to me at first; but I chose to ignore that... until the moment when I heard a loud knock on my door. "Que pasa!?" I yelled. The knocking continued, and my frustration started building up in me. And finally, I yelled at the door: "COME IN!" But no, it continued, this just cut it. It was the end of the line, amigo. I went ahead to open the door, and to my surprise, I might have locked it. Out of embarrassment, I opened the door and said softly. "Que pa-...." My words hung in mid-air. All I remembered was I saw a quadrupedal creature at my door. It had colorful hair and huge eyes, I couldn't remember what happened after that though. I do, after all, have a weak heart. Sincere apologies, amigo. "Is... Is he okay?" "Uh... Hello?" "Um... I think we have a live one here..." I remember waking up in my bed, with the same creature I saw at my doorway looking right down at me. As I could see better now: That same creature had a ferociously purple mane and eyes. "You alright? I mean..." "WHO... WHO?" "Who am I? I'm Twilight Sparkle..." "WHY ARE YOU HERE?" At the same moment, the purple pony... *ahem* Twilight Sparkle, pointed a hoof at my Macintosh screen. "Look what's on that screen?" "YEAH, SO? I CAME ACROSS IT BY ACCIDENT. YOU MUST BE LOCO IN THE CABEZA!" "Well CLEARLY, you don't respect Twilie, so, why do we want to respect you?" Another abomination piped up. I shot up. And there it is: it had a rainbow-colored mane and blue coat. Though this one had a pair of wings on its body. "Of... Of course I do... I... I... Respect your..." Next thing I knew. The purple creature's horn on its forehead started glowing. With that, I got an extreme spasm of pain all around my body. I tried to yell, but no sounds came out of my mouth. I cannot move either, then, by some kind of loco magico. The purple creature lifted my entire weight: 69kg of me. INTO THE AIR without ANY hesitation! And with an evil grin, the rainbow-maned creature winked at me with evil complexion. Next thing I knew. I blacked out completely for the count. I don't have any earthly idea how they did it… [/flashback] All those memories came back to me. Memories of merely a couple of months ago in the Canaries. And now, here I was, right prostrate on the back of the same quadruped whom I had berated so badly that time. To think she could save my life from las policias despite what I'd said to her back then. This was certainly an act of grace beyond verbal description. "Where are you taking me?" I asked her. "To safety," said Princess Twilight. "I'll bring you to the airport at Sucre immediately so that you'll be able to board your plane and be safe from the police in La Paz. They'll need a few hours anyway to come over to Sucre if they do want to get at you." We flew through the starry sky of the rainless night. Enraptured by the bird’s eye view, I sang to Princess Twilight: Heti idik hanshuf, dunia g’dida betilma; Ya amira, imta albik khan liki yom dalil? Sidi elbik leyya, we’shuf dunia agiba; Dunia beida ariba al mu’sofre sehri’n tir; Le dunia fu, da alam teni mush maruf; Men hes’ish vi bechuf, uvi nish’uf; Uhelbi wa’hayya! Then Princess Twilight sang back: Di dunia fu! Da alam teni marafush! Wa’ana wayyek ba’id! Akid, akid! Ba’id vi alam teni marafush! We both landed at Sucre Airport. Princess Twilight saw me to the departure hall. “All the best, Alberto,” she said. “Take care over there in Syldavia. We in Ponyville are aware of the existence of gangsters in Syldavia who are ten times worse than here in Bolivia.” “Don’t worry, I will manage,” I said, not half realising that pride was getting the better of me. “See you soon, Princessa Twilight. Adios, amiga mia.” I produced my passports at the counter, and went through all the mumbo-jumbo before finally being allowed to go through the departure hall. I turned round to take one last glance at Princess Twilight. She was standing there looking at me, nodding her furry head in approval. My eyes welled up with tears as I went through the departure gates and sat on the airplane bound for Klow. As the plane started rolling down the runway, my thoughts turned to Donita, and I began to sing softly: One day soon I’ll come back, and I’ll stay forevermore; Wait for me, say you’ll wait for me. One day soon we’ll wander, where we’ve never walked before. Say to me, you will wait for me. When the winter’s through, once more I’ll look into your eyes; I will fly to you upon the wings of butterflies! And one day soon I’ll see you, and I’ll kiss away your tears; Promise me, you will wait for me. Say you will, and we’ll see every dream come true. Wait for me, wait and I will come back to you; One - day - soon! And by the time I finished off the last words, my plane had already taken off, and I fell into a deep sleep… * * * FLASH SENTRY: The next big meeting was chaired by Princess Twilight along with my direct boss, her big brother Prince Shining Armour. All of us were present at this meeting; Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were observing in the background, while Spike the Dragon was taking down the minutes. This meeting was rather interesting as lots of gold nuggets concerning Alberto and all his problems, were dug out from this meeting. These gold nuggets of truth made it much easier for all of us ponies to see exactly what phase Alberto was going through in this point of his life. According to Prince Shining Armour, if we wanted to get to the bottom of all of Alberto’s quixotic personality, the most important thing we needed to do was to find out who exactly Alberto’s worst enemies were — and it was pretty clear-cut that his arch rivals were the staff of All Lee Enterprises, headed by none other than Don Francisco Juan Perez. The profiles of all the staff of All Lee were pulled out and brought before all of us to see. “The most important thing that you can see here,” announced Prince Shining Armour, “is that Alberto did not have very much problems with these people initially. You can even see that Don Francisco GAVE him the job. Nopony else would have wanted someone as quixotic as Alberto.” “Another thing to note,” added Princess Twilight, “is his tendency to get flustered up over disappointment. His personality is one that says, ‘I want it now or never’. He does not believe in delayed gratification. He is that kind of person — understandably because this is part and parcel of Latino culture. Although I personally have rarely seen any other Latinos on earth who take this to such a level like Alberto has done.” “Hence,” said Shining Armour, “we can see that the reason Alberto hates these people is because he is extremely disappointed in them. They clearly did not give him what he had expected of them, and thus he got pissed.” “Anypony have any suggestions?” asked Princess Twilight. “Allow me to be the first,” I said. “I have not met this Alberto personally yet. However from what I have heard from those who have told me about him, he is clearly somepony who is very sentimental and has had lots of disappointments before. What he is looking for is a little — er — contentment. Let me ask you now: Who exactly ARE these enemies of his, and why could they NOT give him the contentment he wanted?” “Good point there, Flash,” said Princess Twilight. “So that is exactly what we’re going to do now. We’ll zero in on some of the more prominent among Alberto’s enemies one by one, via their profiles as Spike has kindly passed to me. “We’ll start with Don Francisco Juan Perez. He is 69 years old and is the big big boss of All Lee Enterprises. He has been married quite a few times, his latest marriage being to the Argentinian Angela Guzman, the widow of the late former owner. He adopted her son, 22-year-old Benz Guzman, as his godson cum heir; though he actually has a 32-year-old daughter, Rosa, from a previous marriage. Don Francisco is a sadist by nature, like many other Colombian high-ranking personalities; he is the epitome of the typical big fat boss who loves to sit down and smoke cigarettes while watching his staff do their work. At the same time, he is also one of the toughest gamers in all Latin America; in Team Fortress 2, he has reigned as the undefeated Bolivian TF2 champion for the past 27 years. “Don Benedicto Lee-Guzman, better known as Benz Guzman, is Don Francisco’s godson and heir. The 22-year-old Argentinian was born in Estrela del Mar in the north of Argentina, near the Rio de la Plata; and is his godfather’s favourite of two children. He currently serves as the General Manager of All Lee. Like his godfather, Benz Guzman also tends to shun his half-sister Rosa Perez, especially because she has some yet inexplicable chemistry with Alberto. Benz Guzman hates Alberto to the core, and was one of the first to use the word ‘creepy’ to describe him. Personally, as we all know by now, Alberto is NOT creepy to us; rather, he is just a poor love-starved soul who is just looking for love in all the wrong places. Of course, Benz Guzman will not buy that even if we told him; he has recently been promoting anti-Alberto propaganda among all the All Lee staff. “Don Justino Rodrigo Diaz is also 22 years old and is the Assistant General Manager in All Lee. A native of Dunedain in Colombia, Don Justino was the one who had instigated Don Benedicto to test Alberto by fire numerous times, notably the ‘futbol’ incident which involved Alberto’s nephew-in-law, the late Alvaro lo Pescadoro. Knowing his nature, Alberto failed all those tests. Sadly, his attempts to make it up with Don Benedicto and Don Justino proved futile. Eventually it led to lots of jealous outbursts, culminating in Alberto’s demotion and later dismissal from All Lee. “Natalia Cuartas is the Head of Security in All Lee, and is one of Don Francisco’s pioneer staff, along with Jovento Bajaran. The 22-year-old Ecuadoreaness is a trained witch and is known for her ability to deceive and hypnotise people from afar with her black magic. Her younger siblings, 20-year-old Artur and 19-year-old Alegria, are also involved in the black magic, though not as in-depth as Natalia. Natalia is believed to be responsible for causing the deaths of many innocent Bolivians and Peruvians by means of her black magic. “Jovento Bajaran is 24 years old and is a pioneer member of All Lee, currently serving as the Human Resources Director. He is married to Berlinella Ramerrez, 21, a half-Russian who is a die-hard pro-Soviet and is among the strongest proponents of socialism in the Western Hemisphere; much of the reason why Don Benedicto and Don Justino became Peronistas was because of Jovento and Berlinella. The Bajaran couple were the ones who interviewed Alberto when he first joined up All Lee. It is a little amazing how Alberto started to hate them even shortly after joining up. “Jaime Lozada is 23 years old and the Culinary Manager of All Lee, holding the title of a sous chef; he is known among the All Lee staff for his ability to fully grill chicken cutlets outdoors in rainy weather. The young Bolivian from the little-known eastern township of Callao was not that much of a danger to Alberto during the latter’s stint in All Lee. However at present, I suspect he is going to be the biggest bane to Alberto in the near future. From what I gather, Jaime Lozada is currently based in Klow in Syldavia, and has taken on the alias of Chef Sztanislasz Loesser, culinary manager of the Bracing Breeze skating club in downtown Klow. Alberto might go there pretty soon; we have to keep a lookout for him should he ever be found there. I think I’ll put you, Flash, in charge of this case. “Let’s continue. There are a few more who might pose some danger to Alberto while he is in Syldavia. Uppermost of these is Ramon Prada, 20, a native of Chaco in Bolivia, who is a scout and an expert at disguise. I expect he will surely assume a few disguises in order to lure Alberto into a trap, so be wary of him. “Another one is Jose de la Cruz, the 22-year-old Colombian who later also commanded Alberto’s platoon in the BPA. Because Alberto is on the run from the BPA, Cruz will surely be involved; and I am pretty sure they have sent him over to Syldavia by this time to scout around for Alberto. One other thing I know, that most don’t know yet, is that Cruz and Prada do hit it on pretty well with each other, so Alberto will have pretty much of a tough case to tackle — but not to worry, should anything untoward happen, I know what to do. “Probably the biggest trap Alberto might walk into yet, other than the Lozada one, would be concerning his music. One of the All Lee staff is this young Maya Indian man from Guatemala; his name is Cristobal Colon Serrano and he is a bassist, and is also currently based in Klow. The 22-year-old has played sessions for many famous Latin singers, notably Ricky Martin and Jennifer Lopez Muniz. Alberto has always loved music and will certainly jump at the chance to recruit Serrano. My guess is that he will find Serrano first before Serrano can find him. Serrano will pretend to be nice, and — everypony please mark this down — within two weeks he will backstab Alberto. How exactly, I don’t know; but just wait and see.” “Thank you, Princess Twilight, that was a very long monologue,” said Prince Shining Armour. “Now we need to get down to business. We need to assign duties to everypony. We’ve already put Flash in charge of watching Alberto’s every move. But we also need to put somepony in charge of the other stuff back home. This is what we’ll do: Pinkie Pie, you watch over Donita and her immediate family. Snips and Snails, you guys keep an eye on the All Lee enterprises staff in Bolivia. Princess Twilight, you help Flash. The rest, stand by and wait my orders.” “Yes, Your Honour!” said everypony in unison. After the meeting was adjourned, I went up to Princess Twilight. “Twi, are you sure you’ve got the right thing done?” I asked her. “How do you know what to do to help Alberto if he gets ambushed by Cruz and Prada?” “You’ll see,” said Princess Twilight, and she gave me a wink. * * * ALBERTO: My arrival in Syldavia was already a little bit of a hassle. As it was, it was past midnight and raining extremely heavily when I stepped out of the arrival hall into the taxi stand to hail a cab. The first taxi that picked me up was this green Toyota Crown driven by this seemingly friendly Syldavian gentleman. He seemed to love to chat. “You must be new in these parts, zir,” he said, smiling warmly. “I am,” I said. “My name’s Alberto. And you are..?” “Er… just call me Stefan,” said the taxi driver. “Stefan Almaszout. I’ve… er… been driving for years and rarely seen Bolivians like you visiting our land.” “Ah well, then this could be your first time,” I said, coughing a little. “Well, have some mineral water,” said Stefan, offering me a bottle of mineral water. “You’ll need it after such a long flight across the Atlantic.” I thanked him and took a sip. This water tasted a little — er — bitter, more bitter than the standard water I was used to drinking back home in Bolivia. I winced a bit. “You OK?” asked Stefan. “Si,” I said. “I’m all right. Gracias.” “De nada,” replied Stefan, upstaging me completely. “Mineral water here is a little bitter normally as compared to the one you’re used to drinking. Either that or maybe you’re just tired. It’s all right, you’ll be getting a rest soon anyway when you get to Shangri-La hotel. Say, why are you here for anyway?” “Er… for a little holiday,” I said. “Lots of trouble back home.” “Ah, I get it,” said Stefan. “Well, in Syldavia we don’t have that much trouble anyway. You’ll find that we’re a lot calmer here. You can hear it already in the way I talk. We all talk this way here.” I was honestly a little upstaged at the way this taxi-driver spoke. Lots of thoughts were running through my mind. First of all, how the heck did he know I was Bolivian? I mean, on first impressions one would find it hard to tell most of us Latinos apart by nationality, so how did he guess this right first time? Secondly, when he said “de nada”, how come he sounded so…. er…. familiar?? Stefan dropped me at Shangri-La Hotel in the heart of Klow. I got out of the cab, took out my luggage (with Stefan’s help), and went over to the counter to check in. Stefan drove off. Shortly after I’d checked in, I went to sleep, tired after the flight. However, the sleep was not for long; I was woken around 2am from my sleep by persistent banging on my door. I got up and opened the door and saw two burly security officers standing before me. “Alberto Garcia?” said one of them. “Shangri-La hotel security officers here. We suspect you have some drugs in your possession. Do you mind if you let us in to search your room?” “I don’t believe you,” I said. “I came through the airport completely clean. I went through all the mandatory checks. How do you expect me to have any drugs on me??” An officer marched into my hotel room, opened the first drawer, and pulled out a packet of drugs with the label “cocalero” on them. “How do you explain this then?” he asked. I was completely upstaged beyond words; I could not believe that my hotel room actually somehow happened to have cocalero concealed in a drawer that I had not yet even touched for the win…..