Raining down on the roof of the ‘Palace’ with a gentle pitter patter of rain, It was beaming to itself as it flowed over to the broken window and peered in. Down below it could see it’s young prey standing on an island in the middle of a hallucinogenic vat.
But that’s not what It was focusing on, underneath that tiny filly who was shaking was the most delicious thing It had ever tasted. No wonder the queen had enough energy to go up and play with the Elements. With a food source like this the hive was bound to much more energetic and active in getting it’s prey.
And if it were to....acquire such a food source and to strip it like it had planned on with the younger one, It would grow more powerful than even the queen could ever imagine, and it would be the queen that would be hiding in the caves of It’s castle!
Seeping into the room it ignored the other vats that lined the walls of the chamber and slurped down around the young pony and it’s new Delicious in the same way that a cage would descend on a helpless prey.
As it drew closer It heard the two conversing, but it didn’t care, making it’s body clear as glass as it settled into place and waited.
All good things come to those who wait, and besides, the two were delicious together, it would be a shame to kill one of them without enjoying the taste at least for a little bit.
“Dad, how can you not remember me? You just adopted me like last week!” The young balding pony protested from on top of my head.
“I don’t know, I just found out that the last fifteen years of my life have been a lie!” I grunted back, reaching out of the goo with my forelegs.
“Holy crap, what happened to my hooves!” I yelled looking at my deformed hooves in horror, nearly shaking the young pony off my head.
“Hold still before I end up back in that gunk!” She protested, “And besides, you’ve always had hands. You told me all humans have hands.”
“Hoo-mahn?” I asked.
“Yes, humans, you were apart of the military there, someplace called the United States Army.” She said, leaning down to look me in the face, her long mane drooping past her face and into the goo.
“The army?” I said, confused.
“Yes, the army, you were a Sergeant. You fell on to Applejack’s farm, kinda set up to be marrying her sometime in the near future.” She continued, poking me in the forehead with one of her hooves.
“But what’s up with my hooves though, and why am I bald?” I demanded, nearly causing her to fall again.
“I’ve told you, you’ve always looked like that, but you usually wore clothes.” She said as she lept out of the vat onto the floor with a clop.
“Clothes, why would I do that?” I asked as I gripped the side closest to me and pulled myself out and onto the floor.
“They never said why and I didn- oh.” She sputtered as she turned away blushing.
“What?”
All she merely pointed at my crotch for me to look and for me to figure out what she meant.
“How the hell do humans live with their stuff out like this?” I demanded as I hide behind the chair set up to the vat.
“Clothes, duh.” She said, still facing away from me, but I could still see her blush.
“Right.” I said as I gathered up the fabric from the chair and wrapped around myself.
“You never did answer my question.” I said as I stepped out from behind the throne.
“What?” She asked innocently.
“Who the hell are you?”
She turned around and gave me a curious once over. “What did they do to you?”
“Hell if I know, still trying to figure out these hooves?” I said pointing my fist at her accusingly.
“Anyways, It’s Scootaloo, and if you excuse me, I really have to pee.” She said as she walked towards the space between two of the vats that lined the outside of the room only to run face first into something that wasn't there.
“Oww. What the hell was that.” She said rubbing her nose.
“I don’t know.” I said as I placed my hand up against the invisible cage.
“Oh, no.” She said, suddenly backing away in fear.
“What?”
“It’s IT!” She screamed as she clambered underneath the throne.
“What?” I repeated myself.
“You should have ran.” Sang an eerie voice from all around.
“Yummy yummy in my tummy!” The same voice sang as my arm was yanked into the now visibly black wall.
“Cass, no!” Scootaloo yelled as she zoomed out of cover and grabbed my leg.
“Crap, not again!”
“Oh Celestia, why?” The guard begged from underneath the Princess.
“You ask that one more time I will banish you to the moon for more than a thousand years.” She deadpanned
“But if any other pony saw me in this position they would do worse than banish me!” He cried.
“Just hurry up and undo the magic on the chain.”
“I’m trying, but it’s a bit more complex than what I’m used too.” He protested.
“It’s just a simple magic inhibiting spell, I thought it to Twilight when she was half your age.” Celestia said fidgeting as her mane tickled the inside of her thigh.
“Well excuse me fo-” He was interrupted by a bright flash and a click.
“Umm, Celestia, what was that?” He said rising from between her legs.
“Discord.” She said as a blush spread across her face rapidly.
“WHAT! Here?” He yelled as he whipped around, looking for danger.
“With a camera.”
Thump. The guard literally smacked his face against the floor hard enough that Celestia winced.
“I am so dead.” He sobbed.
“Guard.”
“Oh gods, they’re gonna kill me!” He cried out louder.
“Guard!” Celestia yelled louder.
“My mother is going to murder me!” He wailed, rolling onto his back now, tears streaming down his face.
“Ugh, why me, GUARD!” She yelled loud enough to send the pony sliding across the floor again.
“Guard, what is your name.” She continued, using a more gentle voice.
“It’s Shining Example, ma’am.” He groaned, rubbing his ears.
“Oh the irony.” Celestia whispered to herself.
“What did you say Princess?”
“Nothing, but call me Tia, I have a feeling that we are going to be spending a lot of time alone in here, might as well get at least a bit familiar with each other.”
“Okay, Princess Tia, let me get started on those chains again.” He said trotting over.
“Is there a nickname that you go by? I think calling you Shining Example all day is going to odd real quick.” Celestia asked, her blush instantly returning as the guard crouched between her legs to work on the chains again.
“My mother calls me Shiney, but my friends call me Amp.” He said.
“Shiney, Amp, you have horrible luck when it comes to names.”
“Better than my sister, Carrot Top, she doesn’t even like carrots.”
“I met her my last time in Ponyville, I didn't know that you were related, and she made the most excellent carrot cake too if I remember correctly.”
“She does bu-yikes!” The guard squeaked as Discord suddenly appeared behind him.
He grabbed the hapless guard by his tail, and yanked him backwards through the wall, into Discords cell. Celestia heard the door leading up to the castle’s normal cells creak open and prepared herself for another confrontation with her fake.
“Oh my sweet, sweet Celestia, I brought you something else to eat!” The fake said as it walked in front of her cell, a fancy covered plate floating behind her.
“If it’s another guard, I swear I will end you in the most painful way possible and make you rue the day that you ever set sight on Canterlot.”
“Oh, big powerful Celestia is threatening me! I’m quaking in my boots. HA!” The fake mocked.
“And no, no other guard has questioned me so sadly, it’s only just something I picked up from the trash bins.” The fake said as she slid the plate across the floor so it was sitting next to the other untouched trays, including the one that still looked like there was a dead pony on it.
“I don’t know why you keep bringing me food if you’re not going to untie me so I can eat it.” Celestia said venomously.
“Nice try my little princess, but you are staying right there where you are.” She laughed as she walked away.
After a moment or two of her cloping away, there was a whoosh of flames as she resumed her form and left the under dungeon.
“So, what shall I conjure up for you to eat today?” Asked Discord as he walked back through the wall, Amp following closely behind looking like he was about to piss himself.
“It does not matter to me, but I wish she would go die in a most horrible way possible.” Celestia said angrily.
“Oh, that can be arranged.” Discord said as he snapped his fingers.
Celestia fell forwards and was only prevented from smacking her face into the ground by the quick reaction of Amp, who caught her across his back with only a small grunt.
“Why didn't you do that earlier you fiend!” Protested Amp as he lowered the surprised Princess to the ground in a seated position.
“And miss the opportunity for such a wonderful picture?” He asked as a framed picture appeared behind him.
“Burn it! Burn it with fire!” Amp yelled as he leapt towards it, only to fall through it.
“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t send a copy to your mother, though I might just leave a copy in the barracks for you and the other guards to enjoy.” Discord teased.
“You wouldn’t.”
“I did.”
Oh gods!” Amp cried as he collapsed onto the ground crying again.
“For a guard he has a lot of emotions that your regular guards seem to lack.” Discord commented as he say next to Celestia.
“For a guard he is the most perverted pony I’ve ever met.” Celestia said as she stretched her limbs that had not moved an inch for months.
“Obviously the selection process for guards has slipped a lot in the last couple of years.” He continued, pushing the wailing pony away from them with one of his feet.
“Obviously, and I will have to rectify that. But he seems like a good pony when he is coherent enough to understand.” Celestia continued, arching her back like a cat.
“Oh, does our sweet Princess have a crush?” Discord teased.
“What, no, never would I think of such a thing with one of my guards!” Celestia Protested as she straightened up, blush on her face.
“So are you going to stop him before he hurts himself?” He asked, pointing at the guard who was pounding his face on the floor.
“I think the better question is why did you release me?” Celestia said, giving Discord a glance from the corner of her eye.
“As I told him. Why would I waste such golden opportunities to catch such wonderfully blackmailish pictures.” Discord smirked as he pulled a salad from mid-air, complete with cake frosting, and slide it in front of Celestia.
“Discord, I am serious, what is your plan in all of this, I doubt that after locking you in a stone prison for all that time that you’d be so...”
“Devilishly handsome? Okay, I will tell you my secret, a long soak in a stone bath just open my pores right up.”
“Is anything not a joke to you?” Celestia questioned as she pulled the bowl towards herself with her hoof.
“Oh, quite a bit, like how this imposter is not bringing about anything fun! If she had it her way we would have ponies everywhere chained to walls like paintings! And how boring would that be? Changelings just don’t appreciate chocolate rainshowers like your little ponies do.” Discord said laughing.
“But surely-”
“And besides, why I do thoroughly enjoy a bit of fun, and some of it may seem like it’s oh so very ‘harmful’, name one pony who ended up in the hospital for something more serious than a tummy ache because of me. And don’t mention those Elements of Harmony, from what I understand my plan went according to plan.”
At that, Celestia froze, a heap of lettuce frozen halfway to her lips as she stared at the mad god.
“Your plan?”
“Why yes, I saw this coming, and knew they would not be able to do what they needed to do if they remained like they were. All I did was strengthen them. If anything you should be thanking me.”
“I do remember you turning my room into a house of ill-repute.”
“OH GOD! YOUR ROOM IS WHAT!” The guard screamed, eyes wide in terror.
“Ha, that was better than I could have planned.” Discord snorted as the guard started his wailing, all fours legs flailing in the air.
“I’m starting to doubt that he in one of my guards.” Celestia said, her face hidden behind her hooves.
“I wouldn’t put too much blame on him, how would you handle it if your world was suddenly inverted and you were caught doing naughty things to cake and I sent those pictures to Twilight.”
Celestia merely bowed her head into the bowl and glared at the guard as his hyperactive trantum was finally catching up to him as he wheezed into silence, face beet red.
“And now my Princess, it is my turn to ask the questions. What is it that you plan on doing? Surely you cannot go upstairs in the state you are in, just your appearance will get every guard in the kingdom chasing you down thinking that you are the imposter. And not to mention your imposter has sapped you of everything except for your fat flank and had left you more powerless than a newborn kitten.” Discord said, taking the opportunity to poke Celestia’s cutie mark, nearly losing his hand in the process as one of the plates from Celestia’s ‘meals’ embedded itself in the wall of the dungeon.
“Don’t. Touch. Her.” Amp growled as the platters from Celestia’s ‘meals’ floated around him, spinning menacingly.
“I liked it better when you were crying, allowed me to get away with teasing my Sunny-Boo.” Discord teased, as he turned the guard into a confused little colt sitting in a pile of armor.
“Call me Sunny-Boo again and I will feed you to the sun. And turn him back. I am Not changing any diapers today.”
“Fine. You’re no fun either.” With a snap of his fingers, Amp rapidly grew up, and fell promptly asleep.
“And without any distractions, we can continue, if only to sate my curiosity.”
“First, we must find my sister, surely she is powerful enough to squash this fake bug.”
“Achoo!”
“Gees Luna, that was a mighty one.” Apple Bloom said as she disentangled herself from curtains she had been blown into.
“Perhaps we should be adding less pepper and chili powder to our recipe.” Luna said weakly, she was spread eagle on the floor, eyes rolling in opposite directions.
“What cake has chili powder in it anyways?” Sweetie Belle asked, she had been beside Luna so she had missed the super snot powered ride.
“Ah dunno, it’s Scootaloo’s cook book anyways, so the hoofwriting is impossible to read.” Apple Bloom protested.
“My sister is gonna kill me.” Sweetie Belle cried.
“What? Why?” Luna asked, very concerned for the now crying filly.
“Look at her kitchen, it’s worse than the last time I tried to cook, I even somehow set the ice trays on fire! All I wanted was for Rarity to have something nice to eat if she came home!” Sweetie Belle cried, plopping down on the floor, tears welling up.
“It’s the thought that counts!” Fortune’s voice squeaked out from underneath the table, where she had built an impressive bunker made of sacks of potatoes and flour.
“When” Apple Bloom whispered, eyes downcast.
“Surely little one, the lack of a cake is not going to ruin your sisters day.”
“When.” Apple Bloom yelled at the floor.
“When what?” Luna asked.
“Sweetie Belle said if, ah know they’re coming back, no way my sister would just not come back. Ah know she won’t fail when Scootaloo and Cass need her so much. An ah know she wouldn’t come home back to me.” Apple Bloom protested, her words growing weaker and weaker before she also dissolved into tears.
Using her magic, Luna looped both the younglings in her magic and pulled them into a warm embrace, one that would be more effective is she wasn't still smaller than the both of them.
“They will come home, I bet my crown on it!” Luna said with a smile.
“I’ll take that bet!” Fortune cried as she poked her head out of the bunker.
“I know I would make a good princess!” She continued as she struggled out only to fall flat on her face as her hooves got caught.
Sweetie Belle leaned back and looked in horror at Luna as Apple Bloom fell into a fit of giggles.
“You can’t let her be princess! Next thing we know everything would become boring and mathematical!” Sweetie Belle protested.
“Don’t worry girls, and besides, if I know my sister, she’s on her way here with every guard she could find and they’ll teach those changelings a lesson, so the chances of Princess Fortune have been halved! Huzzah!” Luna sang cheerfully.
“Luna, when Twilight gets back, we have to check out every joke book for you.” The three of them dead-panned in unison.