"Ah, hello, sorry, but it seems that Luna wont be able to narrate, so I'll narrate for you guys, forever, and ever, a..." Then Screwball was cutoff!
"BEGONE CHILD!!!" Luna said with a booming voice.
"Aaaaaaaaah!"
"Seriously Discord, I leave to go to the bathroom for 3 minutes & his damn kid tries to creep everyone out! But I digress, letter please!"
She then read the letter.
"Ooh, a story starring Rainbow Dash's greatest Imitator. It also seems that Spike has to reform her & is the new Captain of the royal guard!"
"Princess, can I be in this story as well?" Asked Shogun Deezutra!
"Very well Deezutra, I shall allow you an appearence in the story!"
"ATTEN HUT MEN!!!" Spike commanded in a powerful voice! Spike became captain of the royal guard as instructed by his older brother Shining Armor & Celestia agreed to make Spike the new captain once he reaches age 22 which is exactly what happened now.
"Today, I wont be available because I have to reform a recently apprehended criminal!"
"What did this criminal do?" Asked Private Pip.
"After dropping out of the Wonderbolts Academy, she used her speed and other abilities to steal from local Canterlot jewelery stores! Not just that, but she's also been picking fights with other members of the royal guard! The only one who was able to finally stop her reign of terror was my good friend Rainbow Dash!"
"Of course because she's awesome!" Replied his entire unit!
"So, for until I return, Shogun Deezutra will lead you in my absence!" Shogun Deezutra was a human samurai who came from another world! He's been universe hopping for many years but once he finally made it Equestria, along with his team of 6: Charizard, Typhlosion, Blaziken, Infernape, Emboar, and Delphox! He decided to settle down. He currently resides in the mountains overlooking Ponyville.
"I shall not fail you sir!" Deezutra then saluted.
"Aw man why not us?!" groaned privates Snips & Snails.
"BECAUSE YOU 2 ARE UGLY SMELLY MONKEY FACED RETARDS!!!" Replied the entire unit!
Later...
Spike was face to face with a pegasus who was shakled & had weights on her wings so she couldn't fly and escape! 2 guards were on either side of her holding spears.
"You 2 are dismissed, I can handle the rest!" He said.
The 2 guards saluted then left Spike alone with Lightning Dust!
"Lightning Dust, or should I say the Lightning Round Theif! How could you abuse the training you got from the Wonderbolt Academy for crime? When I 1st met you, you seemed like an okay gal, but after you dropped out for going against Rainbow Dash, your lead Pony's orders, you just had to go & become a criminal, did you?" Spike scolded.
"(Hmph, so the squirt from 10 years ago became Captain of Celestia's royal guard huh?)" She thought. "Oh shaddup! You & I weren't even that close, why would you even want to help me out huh! Princess Celestia should just banish me to the sun anyway, I don't deserve to live anymore!" She then began to cry.
Spike quickly noticed. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"My family...I tried to prove to them that I am destined for greatness by becoming a Wonderbolt, but they never believed in me! They told me that I was going to be nothing! So, every waking moment, I would train & challenge myself to become the ultimate best! But once the time came... I entered the Wonderbolt Academy, I couldn't believe it, my parents were so apologetic, but once I lost my temper, and argued with Rainbow Dash, I felt hatred in my heart, then I dropped out, to make sure my parents wouldn't make fun of me...I killed them! After that, I became a very notorius criminal in Canterlot, so I could avoid my sad reality!" she then collapsed & fell to the floor!
Spike then stopped her before she landed on the floor! "Woah!"
Lightning Dust then pressed her face against Spike's well built chest & cried more.
"Shh,shh...It's going to be fine, he, how's about we get some Ice Cream?" He offered
"I'm lactose intolerant, sorry."
"Well, how's about we go um...aha, let's go see my celebrity friends, I'm really plugged in to the famous click you know."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'm good friends with Fancy Pants even though he took my true love from me, then there's Hoity Toity, the stallion who took her from me after she stopped dating Fancy Pants, there's also Soarin of the Wonderbolts, she was dating him for a short while..." Then tears started rolling 5 per second, till he collapsed, then it was Lightning's turn to catch him. Spike quickly wiped off his tears after.
"You know what, how's about we go to Ponyville so you can apologize to Rainbow?" Spike asked.
"Isn't she currently dating somepony named Rarity I read about it on the news last month?" Spike was now sniffling,
"sniff..sniff, waa.."
"Woah, woah, woah there big guy! Don't go crying on me again!"
So after some comforting on both sides, they decided to go to the park, and just sit there. Yes, it was boring, but then Lightning Dust made the 1st move.
"So, It seems that you started crying when you got emotional when I mentioned rarity, would you like to talk about it?"
"Okay." So Spike explained his long Dragon Tale(Get it? Like the show Dragon Tales?) of heartbreak to Lightning Dust, She didn't even notice that tears were flowing out of her when they were just 3 and a half minutes through his story & he continued to speak for another 5 hours until...
"Enough!" Then she grabbed Spike & wrapped her front legs around his torso as she cried, then Spike returned the embrace & was crying too.
After a while, about 5 to 15 minutes they calmed down.
"Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"It may not seem like much, but would you be willing to make me your girlfriend? I want to fill that giant void in your heart."
"Yes, but let me fill the void in your heart, the lack of love your parents never gave you must have been Tartarus on you!"
She agreed, and they held each other close, meanwhile on top of a nearby building, Shogun Deezutra was watching them, he then teleported to the troops.
"THE CAPTAIN IS GETTING LAID TONIGHT!!!" He roared.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!" They all roared back like Mordecai, Rigby, Muscleman, High 5 Ghost, Skips, Benson, The Baby Ducks, and all those viral video people from Regular Show.
"Hey, let's go to my room, it's getting pretty late."
"Oh Spike, but we just started dating." Lightning Dust teased.
"It's nothing like that, it's just that I thought you might like sleeping in a high quality bed is all & there will also be some Fireworks at 10." Spike then blushed.
"Riiiiight... and I'm an equestrian Princess."
"(I'll make you eat those words.)" He thought
Months later...
"You know I was just kidding right?"
"Yeah, but I bet you didn't know I was Celestia's son did you?"
"Touche."
Then, Prince Spike & his newly married Princess rode off in their carriage to their honeymoon suite.
"Oh, that ending was very amusing, My nephew sure made Lightning Dust eat her words, and now, I must take a break & watch some television. Next Letter!"
"Coming right way your highness." Deezutra said as he left the private study.
"Ooh, Ed Edd 'n' Eddy is on, truly the best Cartoon Network original, that is until Steven Universe premiered."