I've finally made my decision and I felt I had to write it down in here before I went through with it-- just because it may help me clear my mind slightly and assure any possible readers in the future, if this Diary is found hundreds of years from now, that what I did was for the right reasons and not one of petty, silly vengeance.
The truth is that although I love all of my friends and family, including King Alicorn, they're not the same ponies I once knew. It kind of feels like I don't even have any friends anymore; or perhaps I never have and was just fooled into thinking I once did. I don't know-- but what I do know is that in Equestria I'll never be happy like I once was. Blankety was one of my best friends, one who'd never change, but I got rid of all that-- and now the only way to stay true to him is by staying in the Land of Chaos which we loved when we were together. In fact I'd say I had more friends in the Land of Chaos than I've ever had in Equestria. That's why I have to go through with it-- I have to help the Nightmare monster.
Even Loony's not doing very well in the world we live in right now. She's lovely and everything but what she needs is some place she can be free and do what she wants to do without anypony stopping her or belittling her like they so often do. The Nightmare monster would never hurt her, I know, because she knows how much I care for Loony and how much I just want to look after her. I love Loony with all my heart. She once said I was like her older brother, but the simple truth is she's just like a younger sister to me too... maybe even closer than any of my own brothers.
It's not that I want to hurt anypony, I don't. In fact I'm going to aim to make sure that Nightmare doesn't hurt more than is necessary. Alicorn is practically dead inside anyway so it's better if we end his misery now while we can-- it's a blessing for him; I'm going to save him from himself. And once he's gone I can make the world a better place and bring peace and prosperity, I know I can. Even Silas says I'm just the right colt for the job-- he's even agreed to help me with it and guide me through the dangers as best as he can. He's a good friend Sombra Silas; he always has been.
I began training with the rest of the monster's crew a few days ago and I've got to say I quite enjoy it. They're all really impressed that I'm so close to the royal family-- in fact they seem eager to please me because of it, despite the bad things I've done in the past. I would say they were 'friendly' but they're not really my friends, and never would be. Even Silas doesn't seem like the friend I once knew, but that's probably because he's so eager to get this done. I am too. I just want it all to be over and done with so I can go back to the fun, less serious parts of life.
Sadly it's going to take a few more years to make sure we're ready to pull it off. First I've got to make sure I stay close to Uncle Alicorn, and second I need to get him to trust me, and get him further away from the others so that they don't feel too upset when he's finally gone. I figure the more distant the others are from him the less of an impact it'll have-- though that may just be the new meds Nightmare has given me talking. They're slightly strange in that I seem to be able to see colours a lot more brightly and vivid than ever before-- I don't think I've ever seen Equestria so bright and colourful in my life; it makes everything seem far more easier. I like it.
Who knows Diary, I may change my mind about the whole plan before the time comes. Maybe I'll become a boring stiff like Tia and try to make everything all black and white and stressful. Maybe I'll even begin to like Tia more than I ever have before-- our games could one day be the reality, and why not? Why shouldn't we be able to have our happily ever after together? The only things in our way are Alicorn, and her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend Nocturn. I say soon to be because the first thing on my agenda is to get rid of him once and for all; just as I had wanted when I was a small colt.
For now I train and practice. I find ways to get close to all those ponies I used to consider my friends. It shouldn't be too hard; I'm quite good at pretending so I'm told. Don't worry Diary, I'm going to make sure nopony gets too hurt. Marelin and her new baby will be safe from harm for a while anyway-- she's only a few days away from having her foal now. I'm going to do my best to help her with the little one-- maybe that'll help make up for what I'm going to do in the years to come. I hope so anyway.
I'm sorry Diary. This has got to be the end between us as well. I can't risk the chance of somepony either finding this, or me losing time on my mission by writing in this. I've got to hide you, far away from anypony. One day, maybe, I'll tell somepony I trust where they can find you, but for now you have to remain hidden. I couldn't bare to lose all the memories you hold-- all the friends I feel I have left inside the pages.
Just know, if anypony does find this Diary, they will be the most special pony in my whole entire life. Whoever reads these words are my only friend, and always will be.
I'll only tell somepony where you hide when it's really important, or it's all gone wrong for me, and then it'll be up to that pony to carry on my fight. I pray, for Alicorn's sake they can get this right.
I just don't know who that pony will be yet.
Who will be my chosen one?