What Brings Us Together

by Hyzaku

The Guest (updated to v2)

Pinkie Pie bounded through the door of Sugarcube corner. The wonderful aromas of dozens of sweets and confectionary treats that flooded her senses was normally enough to send her mind into tizzy over what she should have first. At that moment, however, Pinkie was a mare on a mission. It was a very important mission, what could be more important than a party after all, and she was not going to be distracted by those tauntingly tantalizing confections.

“Oh, Pinkie dearie, you got here just in time.” Said, Mrs. Cake. “I just finished a batch of orange-frosted pineapple cupcakes. I tried a new recipe and I was wondering if I could get a few opinions before I try selling them.” The baker mare said with her typical upbeat, yet motherly tone as she milled around behind the counter.

Okay, maybe just one distraction. “Sure thing, Mrs. Cake.” Pinkie Pie chimed excitedly as she zipped off into the kitchen. The pink mare trotted back out a few moments later with bits of orange colored frosting around her lips. “Those were amazing!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I really liked how you baked chunks of pineapple into the batter.”

“Oh well thank you, dearie.” Mrs. Cake replied with a smile. “I’d test them myself, but I’m afraid I’d put on a bit too much weight if I tested everything myself.” She watched her pink friend lick her lips clean of frosting. Good thing she hid the other cupcakes before Pinkie Pie arrived.

“Oh by the way, Mrs. Cake I need your help.” Pinkie said with no real warning. Mrs. Cake stopped her milling about to pay attention. It wasn’t often that Pinkie asked for help that wasn’t party related, so she thought it best to give the mare her full attention. “I need to figure out a way to please over a hundred stallions at once.” Pinkie Pie blurted out.

Mrs. Cake had never blushed that much in her whole life. She knew it was Pinkie Pie and that she had to be talking about something else, but there was no easy way to get that image out of her mind. “Oh dear, I can’t say I’ve ever had to, um, please more than one stallion.” Mrs. Cake said, still quite flustered. At that moment Mr. Cake came walking down the stairs.

“Oh, Mrs. Cake, you don’t have to be so modest,” Pinkie began, “I know you please dozens of stallions every day.”

“Um, honey bunch, what is she talking about?” Mr. Cake interjected, hoping he had misheard something.

“Oh, sugarcake, I really don’t know what she’s talking about.” Mrs. Cake replied as her nervousness gave way to a concerned expression.

“Oh don’t be shy about it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with an unhappy customer.” Pinkie attempted to break up the growing feeling of awkwardness in the room.

“Honey bunch, she is talking about the shop isn’t she?” Mr. Cake asked with a more concerned expression than before.

“Well duh, what else would I be talking about?” Pinkie replied with her usual combination of cheerfulness and sarcasm.

The two bakers breathed a sigh of relief as all became clear. “Oh, of course, dearie.”

“Ok we just need to somehow get to Surgarcube corner before Pinkie can finish her invitations.” Twilight was clearly restating the obvious. The group of friends was dashing through the streets as fast as they could. Their destination was Sugarcube Corner, home to the Cake family, countless delicious sweets and pastries, and most importantly Pinkie Pie. The bubbly party pony had no doubt raced home to begin work on the massive amount of invitations that she would need for her latest party idea.

“So, are we running from something dangerous or to something dangerous?” asked a familiar male voice with a good bit of enthusiasm.

The five mares turned towards the speaker to find a stallion with a brown mane, brown coat, and a white collar with a red tie with an hourglass for a cutie mark. “Um, why are you following us?” Twilight asked, surprised to see the stallion suddenly running beside her.

“Oh, well, I do enjoy a good chase and you all seemed to be quite in a panic over something. I just assumed you were either running from some kind of disaster or running to prevent a disaster. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind too much if I tagged along. It really has been far too long since my last adventure.” The stallion rambled off without so much as a pause for anypony to stop his explanation.

“Hold on a second.” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she skidded to a stop. The group followed suit, coming to a full stop. “Who the hay are you and why are you being so casual with Twilight?” Rainbow asked with an accusatory tone.

The stallion straightened up, obviously preparing himself for an introductory spiel, “The name’s John Smith, but you can just call me Doctor.” The stallion said with confidence.

“You’re not a doctor, John.” Twilight responded sarcastically. Here he goes with this ‘doctor’ thing again. she thought. It would be best to nip this little quirk of his in the bud.

John simply smiled, “Right, I’m the Doctor.” He was practically flaunting his ego, or so Twilight thought.

“Oh, John, you are such a kidder. I can’t call you ‘Doctor’ when you don’t have a medical degree.” Twilight responded, giggling slightly.

The ‘Doctor’ frowned, visibly disappointed. No matter how he tried to convince her, this bookish unicorn simply refused to address him by his favorite moniker. He might just have to acquire a certification later to correct this once and for all. However, it was not the time for such distractions. “Ah yes, of course.” John replied as politely as he could.

“Is it really so important to argue with him about a nickname?” Applejack asked. She was feeling a bit confused at this whole exchange. A stallion that’s not a doctor who wants to be called a doctor is rather odd, but maybe he just likes that nickname better than his given name. After all, John Smith is a pretty strange name, unless maybe he was a blacksmith. Applejack continued pondering the situation until Twilight’s reply broke her train of thought.

“Well if he isn’t a doctor then it doesn’t feel right to call him doctor.” Twilight replied with that I-know-better-than-you tone she often used when quoting a book or research paper.

This was a tone that Rainbow Dash had become overly familiar with lately. Rainbow Dash was already tired of the argument. She already knew, with Twilight’s tone, that if this ‘Doc’ or whatever pony was allowed to press the issue further, then he could argue with her all day and not get anywhere. It was time to change the subject. “Ug, who cares about what nickname he uses!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “I’ve never seen you hanging out with Twilight, so why don’t you start explaining how you know her.”

“John,” Twilight gave the stallion a firm glare, “has attended a few of my book club meetings. His attendance isn’t very consistent but he contributes more than his share when he does find the time to come.” She said plainly. The lavender unicorn did not sound particularly happy.

Fluttershy softly stepped out from behind Rarity, who had become one of her preferred hiding spots recently, and finally took her first real look at the stallion. This Doctor Smith appeared to be very confident, but she thought that about most every pony. Still, he at least sounded friendly enough. “So, he’s a friend?” Fluttershy asked meekly. The shy pegasus had not really contributed much to her friends’ conversations that day, but she did usually enjoy meeting her best friends’ other friends.

“Closer to a casual acquaintance actually,” Twilight corrected, “I’ve never really seen him outside the scant few club meetings he has attended.” There was a hint of irritation in her voice. Seriously, how hard can it be to show up to a monthly meeting? He should have plenty of time to plan for it. The few times she had seen him around town it never seemed like he had anything important to do and she had never even seen him working anywhere. It was such a shame too. He always had interesting comments about the books they read.

Rainbow Dash seemed content enough with that answer as her posture visibly relaxed.

Fluttershy suddenly felt a little less comfortable knowing he was not a close friend of Twilight’s. She wasn’t as bothered by him as she expected to be though. Something about him just felt… nice. Still, he was a stranger, mostly, and that was enough for the meek pegasus to slowly slip back behind Rarity where she felt comfortable.

Rarity had tuned out most of the conversation to this point. It had nothing to do with finding Pinkie to stop that impending disaster of a party, so why pay it much attention when she could take the time to think of ideas for the line of dresses she had been working on all week. At least that would help her stay somewhat calm until the group began moving again.

“So ya’ll are runnin’ a book club now, Twilight?” Applejack asked, “When did that start?” She had heard Twilight talk about starting up different clubs every so often. All kinds of different things, most of which, Applejack was certain were not terribly interesting to most of the ponies in town. Honestly, how many ponies actively studied history or fancy mathematics outside of school? It was definitely neat to know that her friend had found a way to share one of her interests with other ponies in town.

“Indeed she does.” Replied the Doctor. “The Ponyville Literarily Obsessed Troop has been meeting since just after last Nightmare Night, if I recall correctly.”

Rainbow Dash frowned slightly and turned to Twilight, “You named your book club The PLOT?” She felt just a bit embarrassed saying that out loud.

Twilight gasped and suddenly lunged at Rainbow Dash. She hugged the unsuspecting pegasus in glee, “Oh my sweet Rainbow’s first acronym. I’m so proud you figured it out all on your own.” Twilight said with more enthusiasm than anypony was expecting. “Rainbow you have no idea how proud I am of you.” She planted a brief kiss on Rainbow Dash’s lips. “All this time I wasn’t sure if you were paying attention to all my literary and language lessons, but you really were listening.” Twilight continued to ramble placing shorter and shorter pauses between each word. “I had no idea you were interested in learning these kinds of things. Oh, I can start using some of those old lesson plans I came up with in case the Princess asked me to teach at her school. Rainbow this is going to be so much fun.”

Rainbow Dash had nopony to blame but herself. The kiss was nice but short however, to be fair, there was no reasonable way she could have expected Twilight to care this much that she had actually listened to her lecture about acronyms. Back then, it was worth the eventual headaches just to listen to Twilight’s voice. At the time, Rainbow had just pretended that Twilight was playing the ‘sexy teacher’ thing out to Twilight’s version of its logical conclusion, a sexy teacher who actually taught academic things. In the present however, having Twilight latched onto her while the unicorn jumped up and down with excitement and rambled about some crazy idea where she wanted to go out of her way to start teaching Rainbow Dash about who knows what was not nearly as enthralling. Wait, when did she learn what enthralling meant?

“But if you misbehave during my lessons,” Twilight leaned in close to whisper seductively in Dash’s ear, “This sexy little teacher will have to punish you.” Rainbow Dash immediately lost control of her wings as they burst out to full extension.

Rarity cringed a bit at the sight of her two friends. Not that she minded them being romantic, but when a pegasus’ wings flare out like that it is usually involves something not fit for a lady to hear in public. “And I’m finished listening to this conversation. If you girls need me I will be trying to catch Pinkie Pie.” Rarity said as she began her retreat from the awkward situation. To her relief, her friends decided to join her, hopefully without any more romantic innuendos. Rarity had a feeling she would not be that lucky today. Oh well, nothing a nice trip to the spa won’t shake from her mind.

“Hey, I could get to Sugarcube Corner faster if I wasn’t slowing down for you all.” Rainbow remarked.

“Good idea. You go on ahead and we can go check the post office to make sure she hasn’t mailed any invitations yet.” Twilight responded. Rainbow Dash took to the air and disappeared in a multi-colored blur.

“Invitations, do you mean like this one?” John asked as he pulled out a pink envelope sealed shut by a heart shaped sticker.

“You have got to be kidding.” Rarity said with hints of irritation. “How in the world did you get that?”

“Pinkie Pie gave it to me. She passed by not long before you all did.” John replied casually. He still had no clue what was going on. The only thing that the Doctor had learned was that there was some incident involving Pinkie Pie and invitations. Logically this could only mean that a party was ahoof, though he honestly couldn’t think of why this would be so concerning to Pinkie’s best friends. Didn’t they always get invited to her parties? No matter, half the fun of an adventure was finding the problem. All he had to do was tag along and some form of entertainment was bound to follow. It was the story of his life, though he was usually the one being followed.

“Give it here.” Twilight said forcefully as she nabbed the envelope with her telekinesis. Twilight ripped the envelope open and opened the letter.

Dear ___________,

You are invited to a super-duper fun, amazingly, awesome Party at _______________.
The Party will be at ______. Please RSVP and don’t be afraid to show up early.

-Pinkie Pie

“Um, she gave you a blank invitation.” Twilight said with a bit of irritation. She levitated the invitation around so everypony could read it.

“Well, that’s not like Pinkie at all.” Applejack stated. Everypony was more than a bit confused at that turn of events. Pinkie was usually very well prepared when it came to parties. She must have really been in a hurry to hoof out an incomplete invitation. Confused or not, the invitation proved that they may just have a chance to stop the party.

Rainbow Dash arrived at her destination in a flash. When she was serious, there was nopony in Equestria that could keep up with her. Rainbow Dash burst through the door without crashing into anything or any pony. Her technique from the day before was paying off quite well. She would have to brag about it to Twilight later. Rainbow Dash was certain that Twilight would be happy to hear that the pegasus would no longer come crashing through her windows. If Rainbow Dash was lucky she might even get a reward. Maybe she could drop a few hints to nudge Twilight into giving her another wing massage. Nopony could beat Twilight’s magical massages. Especially when she got this one spot-

“Hello, Rainbow Dash, is there something I can get you today?” Mr. Cake asked as he noticed the cyan pegasus burst into his shop.

Rainbow was snapped from her pleasant thoughts as if she had run into the side of a cliff. “Oh hey, Mr. Cake,” she said with the hope of buying time for her brain to reboot and tell what she had come to Sugarcube Corner for, “Have you seen Pinkie Pie recently?” Rainbow asked.

Mr. Cake thought for a moment, “Well she did come through a few minutes ago to place a catering order for tomorrow. Then Pinkie mentioned something about invitations and hopped out the door.”

“Thanks, Mr. Cake, gotta go.” Rainbow dashed outside. She turned and flew off towards the post office.

With a flash of purple light, Twilight and her friends appeared right in front of the post office. None of the ponies looked very well as they wobbled in place for a few moments, shaking off the after effects of being teleported. “Well here we are.” Twilight stated triumphantly. She had never teleported with that many ponies in tow. It required a good amount of concentration and a bit more magical energy than she had calculated, but everypony seemed okay aside from some brief dizziness. No missing or swapped body parts and everypony was alive and present. Perhaps she should perform some experiments later to test the limits of her teleportation abilities. Ooo, with enough data she could even publish her very own research paper. Princess Celestia would be so proud of her.

“Well, I can’t say I’m accustomed to that mode of transportation.” The Doctor remarked as his dizziness wore off. He quickly checked to make sure everything was in the right place. Perfect, everything was great. There were no marks on his coat, his tail was in place, and his tie was… “Wait, why am I wearing a bowtie?” John stated with a mark of confusion.

Everypony turned to look at the stallion wondering what could be wrong. What was previously a standard red tie was now, strangely, a similarly red bowtie. Atop his head sat an equally red fez. The odd hat immediately drew the attention of his companions.

“You also appear to be wearing a fez.” Twilight said flatly as she tried to hide her confusion.

“So, I’m wearing a fez now?” John asked as his eyes lit up a bit.

Rarity cringed a bit, “I’m afraid so darling.” She tried not to sound too repulsed.

John nickered, “Hey, fezzes are cool.” He replied as he straightened up in hopes of looking a bit fancier.

Rarity really was trying her best not to be too critical, the poor thing may have bad taste but at least he didn’t pick the hat himself. “Ug, not with that coiffure they aren’t.” Try as she might, there was no way that didn’t come off as condescending. Oh well, bad fashion deserves harsh judgment anyway. Maybe he will get the hint and throw the hideous thing into a fire or perhaps Twilight could do them all a favor and blow it up with magic or something. Surely nopony would miss that hat.

“Well, unless you can do better then you really shouldn’t be complaining about my fashion.” The Doctor replied in an equally condescending tone.

Rarity gasped, he did not just say that. She walked over to stand right in front of this challenger-of-her-ability. “Oh puh-lease, darling, I could do better in my sleep.” Rarity reached one hoof up to tip the offending headwear off the stallion’s head. The fez toppled over onto the ground landing top down in the dirt.

Without the slightest reaction to the white and purple mare’s taunt, John leaned forward. “Is that an offer?” the stallion asked unflinchingly. At this point the Doctor was fully expecting to find out how good her right hook was. Well, in the worst case scenario anyway. Ideally he might get her to drop the subject altogether so they could stop fussing over what was, honestly, a decidedly fashionable hat.

The fashionista backed up a step, “I can't say I've ever worked on a stallion's clothes before.” Rarity was already starting to think of designs to compliment the stallion’s coat. "Still, if all you want is a nicer chapeau I could easily make something better than that," Rarity said with confidence, "As long as you can afford to pay that is."

"Well if I find myself in need of a new hat I'll keep that in mind." The Doctor replied with a grin.

Applejack rolled her eyes, “Oh for pete’s sake can we please focus on why we came here.” She muttered with more than a bit of agitation. There really was no easier way to waste time than to get Rarity going on about fashion.

John nickered once more before turning towards the main door to the post office. “Ah, yes of course, into the post office then,” he exclaimed as he reared up on his hind legs. “Allons-y!” the Doctor shouted as he charged through the front door.

The five mares simply stared blankly at the door. Moments later John walked back outside. “Oh come on, you all are supposed to charge in with me.” His voice was a mix of frustration and confusion.

“Why the hay would we do that?” Applejack asked, her tone nearly as confused as his.

“Well, it’s just how things are supposed to happen.” John responded flatly. Nopony had a response as they continued to stare at him.

“What exactly was that ‘allons-y’ thing you shouted?” Twilight asked suddenly in an attempt to break the awkward silence.

“It’s Fancy, it means ‘let’s go.’” John remarked cheerfully as the group continued to stare in confusion. “Oh like you’ve never yelled ‘charge’ or something right before you busted into someplace.” He said with frustration before grumbling something incoherent, picking up his previously dropped hat, and walking back into the post office. The group of mares shrugged at each other and followed him inside.

“-seem to be pouting a bit there, Doctor.” The clerk behind the main desk finished saying as the group of mares walked into the post office.

The place was fairly deserted. There was only the single employee behind the counter and the five friends standing in the lobby to fill the massive void in the room. The vacancy was unusual, though perhaps it could be that that day was some generic and unimportant holiday that most government employees always seemed to have off. Nopony immediately offered an answer so the group simply ignored it and chalked it up to a stroke of luck.

The lone worker, Freight Crate, was a mint-green coated earth pony who sported a simple, short-cut pale yellow mane. He was dressed in the standard postal worker uniform and appeared fairly energetic despite a lack of any obvious tasks that required his attention. Freight knew the Doctor quite well. The Doctor often visited the post office early in the morning, always carrying a muffin for some reason, before any of the mailponies left for their daily routes. He was friendly to the staff even though he never seemed to have much reason for being there. Freight had never seen him make use of any of the services they offered. It was as if he only showed up for idle chatter in the mornings.

“We can talk about that later my friend, it seems my companions decided to finally join me.” The Doctor stated with noticeably more volume than was needed once he noticed the mares enter the lobby. He did his best not to look at them as he spoke.

Freight’s jaw dropped just a bit as he noticed one of the ‘companions’ his friend was referring to. Standing there, in his lonely lobby, was Rarity. She was easily the most gorgeous mare he had ever seen. Rarity had made use of the freight shipping service for her out of town orders many times. Freight doubted the gorgeous unicorn even remembered him. He quickly clamped his mouth shut, hoping she had not seen it drop at all. Freight had to remember to ask the Doctor how he got to hang out with her the next morning he saw him.

“Excuse me, sir, but can you tell me if Pinkie Pie has dropped off anything today?” Rarity asked as she stepped up towards the counter.

All right Freight, don’t mess this up. Just be casual and do your job, thought the postal worker. “Y-yes she dropped something off not too long ago.” Freight managed to say without too much trouble. The more he looked at the white unicorn the more trouble he had keeping his eyes from wandering all over her sleek form.

“Well, don’t keep me in suspense darling,” Rarity said, “What did she drop off?” she asked sounding quite desperate to know the answer.

Darling, oh how he never got tired of hearing that. Freight did his best not to blush. “Well, it was a big sack of letters. Miss Pinkie said that it was important that they get delivered today so I sent them out on special priority level Pink.” Freight said, regaining a bit of composure as he focused his mind on work related information.

“Are you seriously sayin’ you have a special priority level just for Pinkie Pie?” Applejack asked sounding more than a bit confused.

“You have no idea how many invitations she mails out on short notice.” Freight responded flatly. “Priority Pink is basically a code for ‘over-time pay’ around here.” The idea sunk in and rapidly made sense to the four mares.

Just as Rarity turned around, the lobby doors swung open violently as Rainbow Dash charged into the post office.

“I just missed her, has she been here yet?” Rainbow Dash asked as soon as she spotted her friends.

Twilight shook her head, “Pinkie beat us here, she already mailed them out.” She responded.

The group of mares looked utterly defeated. What kind of party could have them so depressed, the Doctor wondered. “Twilight, my dear, perhaps we can still find Miss Pinkie Pie and persuade her to alter the party to be less disastrous.” The Doctor stated with as much confidence as he could.

“Hey pal, Twi belongs to me.” Rainbow Dash interjected with a copious amount of irritation. “I don’t like you calling her by some sweet nickname like that.”

The Doctor reacted with visible shock, totally surprised that his comment had drawn this much of a reaction. Rarity simply put her hoof onto her face. “Rainbow, using ‘my dear’ that way is an expression. It is not a pet name.” Rarity’s tone and visage combined well to portray her annoyance with her friend.

“Hey, I know a term of endearment when I hear one, Rarity.” Rainbow snapped. She turned to glare at the ‘Doc.’

There she goes with those big words again, Applejack thought. “I was right; Twilight really is rubbing off on ya, Rainbow.” Applejack remarked somewhat cheerfully. She really hoped that would help cool Rainbow off a bit before things got out of hoof.

By this point the Doctor had regained his composure. Gazing calmly at the protective pegasus, “Are you married?” he asked bluntly, much to the surprise of the mares in the room.

Rainbow Dash blushed, “Well, no.” She replied.

“Are you lovers?” the Doctor asked quickly before Rainbow Dash could do anything besides answer.

“We haven’t, um, gotten that far.” Rainbow replied sounding unsure of her own answer.

“Then how many dates have you been on?” the Doctor asked, once again not giving the pegasus time for thought.

Rainbow Dash paused for what seemed like an eternity. Her front hooves shifted around nervously as she squirmed and fidgeted. “We,” she paused again. “We haven’t actually been on a date.” Dash finally managed to blurt out.

Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity gasped. They had a difficult time processing that concept. Twilight and Rainbow Dash had practically been joined at the hip for the past seven months. They had seen the two hug, kiss, and even flirt openly. How could they be together and not have had a single date?

“Well, it hardly sounds like you have any claim to make.” The Doctor stated confidently as a smile appeared across his face. The Doctor could see he had won; the pegasus was sulking quite badly from the sting of her own answers. Well done, now to throw out the life line. “Why don’t you prove your claim?” he asked with the same confidence as before. “Do something, anything you like, to prove you two are together. Prove me wrong and I’ll never address her with that phrase again.” The Doctor said with a smug grin.

Rainbow Dash looked up at the stallion, glared, and then turned to face Twilight. Without a single word Rainbow Dash walked calmly over to Twilight. She stared into those violet eyes, nearly losing herself. Rainbow leaned in and pressed her lips against Twilight’s. The unicorn blushed for a moment before closing her eyes. Rainbow Dash mimicked her partner and closed her eyes. Cyan hooves wrapped around Twilight’s head and neck and held her tightly against Rainbow’s mouth. Suddenly, their mouths opened. With the dam removed their tongues and saliva rushed forth like a flowing river. Moans of pleasure escaped from Twilight as she reached her fore legs around Dash’s torso and drew the pegasus’ body against her own. The sudden shift put Rainbow Dash off balance, but she was too busy to notice. To the onlookers, their fall was like a slow motion disaster. To Rainbow Dash, it was a very sudden impact with the floor. Rainbow had landed flat on her back. In a vain attempt to stay upright, Rainbow Dash had dragged Twilight with her. The unicorn had landed directly on top of Dash.

The two laid still, belly to belly, and stared at each other for a moment. “I guess that’s our cue to stop for now.” Rainbow Dash gave a slight chuckle. That was still more graceful than some of her less awesome landings. Still, she was confident she had made her point. She also realized that making out in front of her friends had been slightly more arousing than she expected it to be. Sure it sounded like Twilight liked it but she was probably going to squeak and blush from embarrassment any moment now. Dash looked up at Twilight only to see that look in her eyes.

Twilight wasn’t done yet. A silly little fall was not going to interrupt her. Sure it was basically on a dare, but it was still exciting to be kissed like that. “Teacher didn’t say you could stop.” Twilight said with her most seductive voice. Rainbow’s wings flared out sideways faster than the pegasus thought was possible. Twilight’s mouth dove down towards Dash’s. The unicorn kissed deeply, hungrily, as she pressed herself against Rainbow Dash’s warm, squirming body. The two ponies writhed in the throes of emotion, not giving a single thought to their surroundings.

“This is the best day of my life.” Freight Crate mistakenly said aloud.

Something clicked in Twilight’s head. She suddenly remembered she was in public. The alarms of embarrassment went off as she shot up and stumbled backwards onto her haunches. Freight was silently cursing himself for screwing up.

“Oh my, um, I just-” Twilight stammered. Great going brain, just stop working right when I need you. she thought; she continued being unable to form a coherent sentence. Looking around the room she noticed the looks on her friend’s faces. Rarity was plainly embarrassed, Applejack was looking quite uncomfortable, and Fluttershy…she was apparently more interested than Twilight had expected. “So, I’ll just be going now.” Twilight quickly teleported away.

“Huh, normally I have to buy a mare dinner to get a show like that.” The Doctor said casually. He had certainly been wrong about those two. Best to apologize quickly to possibly salvage a friendly, or at least a tenuous, relationship with the pegasus. No need to burn bridges over a misunderstanding after all.

Try as he might, the Doctor was unable to spot the rainbow-maned pegasus anywhere. He concluded that Twilight must have sneaked her away with that teleportation spell.

“I wish I had a nice stallion offer to buy me dinner.” Applejack remarked with a hint of irritation. It was bad enough that she didn't have many chances to go looking for dates, but to think that any fella interested in her was being scared off by her brother was just plain irritating. She was going to have a long chat with Macintosh when she got home.

Surprisingly, another awkward statement interjected itself from behind the counter, “I’ll buy you anything you want if you make out with Rarity.” Said Freight Crate. The next few moments felt like an eternity for the awkward postal worker as the realization of what had escaped from his imagination and right passed his lips took root.

A look that combined disgust, embarrassment, and anger formed on the beautiful white mare’s face. Such gall! This was unacceptable behavior. This filthy minded colt would be out of job by the day’s end before she was done with him. The mare turned to Applejack intending to plan a way to make this uncouth scoundrel regret his words. Instead of disgust or outrage on her friend’s visage she found the appearance of deep thought. Good, Applejack was already planning something.

“Well I could use a bigger cart.” Applejack said; her appearance was still that of somepony weighing her options.

Shock! Rarity’s mouth fell open in pure shock at what she just heard. “Applejack, you can’t possibly be considering that offer!” she shouted in anger at her supposed friend.

“Well it wouldn’t be a bad business decision.” Applejack replied plainly. “A bigger cart means more products at market each day. And since I’m always selling out lately I think it would be a good idea to upgrade.”

“Then buy it yourself!” the unicorn shouted in frustration.

“Aw come on, a new cart is easily worth having to kiss you for a minute. It’d be like getting a huge discount.” Applejack replied energetically as she stepped closer to the white mare.

“Don’t you dare come any closer to me!” Rarity growled. “I’m not a half off coupon at the Wagon Yard.” She backed away from the advancing orange farmer.

Applejack stopped moving. She tapped a hoof against her chin, pretending to think about something, “Yer right, yer more like a twenty-percent off coupon.” The farmer replied with a thick layer of sarcasm. She just could not pass up such a good chance to tease Rarity.

How dare her! “Fine, you want a good business decision then try this one.” Rarity exclaimed with venom in her voice. “You try to kiss me and I’ll show Sweetie Bell and her friends how to play ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders fire starters’ in your orchards.”

Applejack blanched at that thought. “Sorry buddy, I just got a better offer.” She turned and walked out the door.

Freight Crate ducked behind the counter. His only hope was that Rarity would forget about him.