//------------------------------//
// Episode 4: Angels - Part 1 
// Story: The World At Large 
// by ToixStory 
//------------------------------//

I was a bad mare. No, that’s not quite the word for it. I was a bad filly. Being a mare meant I was responsible for my actions and could keep a clear head and strong mind. I was not that. My actions had shown clearly that I was nothing more than a stupid little filly caught in a grown up’s world that I had no right to be in. Why was I even here? What purpose did I serve? To be just another villain in my own story, I supposed. Every day, it was getting harder to tell where the “bad” part of me ended and the “good” part of me began. Were there even sides anymore, or was I just a broken mess of good and bad, smashed together in the vain hope of creating something worthwhile?

Although, I might have been kidding myself about the good thing.

After coming back from the fire, things had changed, if only for a while. Scout had decided to move to Grapevine’s house, and Sterling moved back in with me. Sleeping in the same bed as him once again was a different experience, and felt a lot like the first time. Sleeping with a stallion is a lot different than with a mare, so I had to get used to it. He kicked a lot more, and took up more of the covers. Even his body shape was so different that it was odd. I sucked it up, though.

I tried, I really did. I tried to leave all the bad behind me as best I could. I wanted to try to be good Minty again. But it wasn’t that simple. I slipped sometimes. Other times I fell. I had let myself fall into a rut, one that was too narrow to just fly out of, leaving me to climb out. Every time I slipped, even just a bit, it felt like I’d fallen even further into this trench. Sex with Grapevine wasn’t fun anymore, or passionate. When I slipped and ended up with her, it felt like I was doing it for the sake of my sanity, because I just didn’t have the brainpower at the end of the day to keep myself from doing stupid stuff like that.

I remembered a story my mom had told me when I was younger. It was on a day that I was very stressed and could hardly go on, and I was crying because I kept trying but the more I had to do, the worse it felt. So, my mom took me by the hoof into my bedroom. I had been molting at the time, so there were loose feathers all over the place.

She gathered a bunch of them together and spread them on the bed. She said to me, “Remember what the doctor said, about how you’ll have moods like this your whole life. So each day will be hard, sweety.” She smiled at me, and had run a hoof gently through my mane. “So think of each of these feathers as how much energy you have everyday to keep those bad moods away. Each time you do something hard, they go away.”

I remember I had looked at all of the feathers, laying in a neat row on my bed. They had been a much uglier color of blue back then, so that had stuck out more than what it had represented.

“Now,” my mom had said, “when you have to get up for the day and get ready, that’s one feather.” She took one away from the pile. “Just getting to school is another, because it isn’t easy to prepare yourself for the day.” She took another away. As she took me through my day, the feathers kept getting taken away. Each time I had to push down my bad moods it took another feather, which was a little more of my will and energy that I had each day. By the time I had gotten home from school and done my homework, I had only one feather left.

“And this is where you have to choose, my dear,” my mom had said. “You can study and that will take away one, but you won’t have the time to and energy to write that letter back to your penpal. Or you can write the letter and ignore your studying, but that’s not enough to play around after your bath. Do you see what I mean?”

I had felt a little bad at that point, and had only nodded.

My mother had kissed me on my forehead. “I’m not trying to scare you, sweety. I’m trying to show you that you can only do so much, and that when you’re out of feathers it’s alright if you can’t keep up. I wouldn’t expect you to.”

She’d left me to let me sleep at that point, but I remember gathering all the feathers into a pile and laying with them tucked under my chin, her words going through my brain over and over again. Even years later, laying on my side one night in bed with Sterling, wide awake because of his snoring, I ran my hooves over my wings and thought of her little demonstration.

I thought that I had been out of feathers for a long time, and maybe that’s why I did so many bad things. I had to hope that was true. It was the only hope I had left. I liked doing bad things, and to keep myself from making it worse took a lot of willpower. I wasn’t perfect. I slipped up. I had been doing it since I was little, when my parents had to take me to a psychologist all the way in Stalliongrad who asked me a bunch of questions. He told me I had something that had a lot to do with mood swings and manic actions, and had explained to me that it wouldn’t go away.

Now, back in Fillydelphia, I wondered if that had been a curse, and that it was inevitable that I would eventually do nothing but bad after all my feathers had run out. 

It was hard to think of all that so late at night, so I got out of the bed as quiet as I could. Sterling was too heavy a sleeper to notice, so it wasn’t very hard. I slipped on the hoodie Starshine had let me keep, then opened the window as softly as I could before climbing out and closing it behind me.

I glided to the ground below and landed with a gentle bump before closing my wings and sliding the body of the hoodie over them. Hearths Warming was just a week away, so it was freezing outside. The whole street outside Joya’s was decorated with lights and decorations, though, so that made up for it just a little bit. The radio inside Joya’s shop had been going all week with Hearths Warming music, which I had spent hours listening to while I edited a few articles for the Chronicler.

I wasn’t sure where I was going. Then again, I never really was in my whole life, so I wasn’t about to let that stop me. My hooves had grown out a little, so I was clumsier than I usually was. Part of me wanted to try flying, but my leg still ached if I did it for too long, so I was confined to the ground like usual. Not that I completely minded, but I wasn’t the happiest about it.

My path took me down the hills of West Fillydelphia and toward downtown, but not quite there. I walked the paths along the side of the Scullyhoof River, which looked black and sluggish under the cover of night. The cobblestone streets around that area were strange to walk on, almost reminding me of when I was a filly and could barely walk, and would flap my little wings as hard as I could to stay upright. I wasn’t the most stable little girl.

After walking far along the river, I came to a building that was lit brighter than the others. It was made out of sturdy stone and cement, and towered over the houses around it. It had two sweeping towers that ended in points and a big stained glass window in the front in the shape of Celestia’s cutie mark. I had heard of the churches dedicated to Celestia, but I had never actually been in one before. My parents had generally been with the whole “Great Spirit” idea that most ponies believed in, so I mostly had been too.

That night, though, something in that building called to me, like it was stretching out a hoof for me to take. As out of feathers as I was, I took it and walked inside. There were two huge wooden doors at the entrance, and pushing one of them open was enough to make me grunt. Once I was inside, though, I found it was worth it.

The inside of the church was, if nothing else, very pretty. The walls were carved intricately into murals of Celestia that reached all the way up to the vaulted ceiling. Candles were lit all over the place in spindly holders and in chandeliers that looked like they were made of gold. Their shadows flickered over the murals, making them seem as if they were coming to life.

A few ponies were inside, but most of the pews were empty. Some pony in a white robe was near the front and speaking to a spiky-maned stallion, and I assumed he was the head of the church. I hoped he wouldn’t come over to me, so I didn’t have to answer why I was there. Mostly since I had no real idea myself.

There was an open pew right by the doors, so I hurried over there and sat in it. I bowed my head, but I wasn’t exactly sure why. I thought that was what you’re supposed to do in church, so I just kind of did it. The pews themselves were pretty nice, at least. Soft wood inlaid with more carvings of Celestia as well as the Elements of Harmony. I wondered how it must have been, to be Princess Celestia and to have ponies literally worship her. It must have not been easy. I wondered how many feathers she started each day with, and how many she had by the end. Knowing her job, probably not a lot.

I almost started to giggle inside that church, as reverent as I was trying to be. I remembered that I had literally had a conversation with Princess Celestia and sat almost near her, just months before. I had met the god of these ponies. I wondered what they would think of that. Probably be jealous, I figured. 

My mind drifted back to think of Pullmare, in my first days in Fillydelphia. The city had seemed so strange then, full of so much mystery and potential. I was sure it still was, but it had lost a bit of its gleam to me. Then again, so had I. Maybe we were one in the same that way, both so shiny and new once, but easily sullied and battered over time by the world that weighed so heavily down on us. 

I missed the days of Pullmare and the time shortly after her, if I was being honest. Things had been harder back then, sure, but it had been an adventure. It had been the life fantastic, to be alive in a way that pulsed and throbbed in every fiber of my being. I could have lived forever or died in a moment, but I had been alive. 

Now, months later, it didn’t feel like I was living the same story. It was like somepony had sucked the life out of me, had removed what had made this whole journey unique and special and replaced it with anger and bitterness. I severely wished I had enough feathers to handle the whole thing, but I didn’t think I had enough on both my wings for that.

I heard somepony breathing hard, then the pew I was on started creaking and I realized somepony was going to sit beside me. I sighed and tried to ignore whoever it was, even though they just had to sit right beside me. An entire stupidly-huge church and they decided to sit next to me. Story of my life right there.

Of course, I didn’t expect them to talk to me. Or tap me on the shoulder. Or whisper into my ear, “Good evening, Minty,” but they did anyway. That may have freaked me out a little. I may have jumped in the air so hard that my wings threatened to rip out of the hoodie. You know, maybe.

The pony beside me grabbed onto me and held me to my seat. “Stop freaking out or you’ll alert everyone to my presence,” he said, hissing into my ear.

I turned, and really shouldn’t have been surprised by what I found. His dark cloak and white mask stood out as well as it ever did, even in the dim light of the church. He seemed a bit more haggard than he had before, but still radiated strength and importance. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked in a low voice. “What, did you follow me?”
“Of course.” Despite the mask, I could tell he was smiling. “How could I not keep tabs on my favorite mare?”

“Oh, so am I afforded that luxury now?”

“Quite the vocabulary you have, Miss Flower. Did I strike a nerve?”

“I get smarter when I’m angry.”

He chuckled and bowed his head. I wasn’t sure if he was praying or just trying to keep from being seen, but I did the same. I suddenly felt tired, like I had aged thirty years in a few minutes. I wanted to not move from the spot, and curse the whole world. But I couldn’t, of course.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“I come here for the same reason you did,” he said. “Peace, and a refuge from the world at large.”

“But that’s not what I—”

He snorted. “You should know better than to lie around me.”

I sighed and and said nothing. I closed my eyes and wondered what he was feeling at the moment. Having an assassin keeping track of me wasn’t exactly ideal, yet at the same time I felt safer with him around, like his presence there was a piece of flotsam I could cling to amidst the wreck that was my life. 

“To be honest, I wanted to see how you were holding up,” the Assassin said.

“What, are you starting to care about me?” I asked.

He grunted. “Well if you must know, you appear to be my last ally remaining in the city. Amethyst has done a good job of keeping me from former employers, and her police made short work of that burgeoning rebellion.”

“So I’m all you have left?”

“For the moment.”

I bit my lip. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said. “I played my cards wrong, and Amethyst seemed to meet them at every turn. Or, at least, we believe it is Amethyst.”

“Could it be anypony else?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Who knows? I don’t. How are you holding up, anyway. I would hope my only ally hasn’t fallen to madness since we last saw each other.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I started working on editing for the paper, since I haven’t really been well enough to be in the field lately. Starshine and I . . . haven’t seen her in a while. I’m afraid that she’s angry at me. Or sad. I don’t know.”

“The little one, yes?” 

“That’s her.”

“She has quite the spirit. I would not think anything you did to her would have a long-lasting effect. I would still be careful, however, as you don’t want a pony like her against you.”

I smiled where he couldn’t see. “She’s getting new wings, I hear. When I see her again, she’ll be back to being the best flyer I know.”

Silence dropped between us again. I didn’t see the priest up at the front of the church anymore, so I assumed he had gone to bed. Somepony was praying fairly loudly, and there was a small family in the corner, with the mother talking softly to her foals. When I looked at her, I realized that she reminded me a lot of my own mom. Maybe it was the current situation I was in, but I found myself missing home far more than I ever had before.

“So are we going to talk about what happened between us . . . at the party?” I asked. “I mean, I’m not really asking for it to happen again—”

“It won’t.” His tone was firm, and the answer sudden. “That was a one-time thing, and I cannot say that I am proud of it.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what I was expecting, I guess.”

He laughed under his breath. “Were you expecting a compliment. What we did was not anything but an amateur passion that was caught up in that moment. Even I slip, Miss Flower. I am only sorry that it was with you.”

“I’m not,” I said in a whisper.

He paused. “It might be best to keep that to yourself, lest it spread to the others who toil and love alongside you.”

How he knew about Sterling, I didn’t know. Hell, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. It didn’t feel altogether comfortable having the Assassin being so familiar with me, but when he had literally been inside me I suppose there wasn’t any closer that we could be. Maybe it was just the moment or the combined stresses that had been building in me that week, but I found myself glad he was there all the same.

I had so much regret and anger and sadness that swirled inside me that it was eating me from the inside out. I hated myself, that was sure. I hated every little action I had done. Stupid Minty, proud Minty, foolish Minty. Minty who didn’t know what she was doing, Minty who had driven away those who loved her for the second time in her life.

Despite my conviction to be brave in front of the Assassin, I started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” I heard him say. “I didn’t mean to—”

“No, no, it’s not you,” I said through hiccuping sobs. “It’s me, don’t you get it? I’m the horrible one here. When you cut me, you should have finished the job . . .”

I felt myself suddenly being grabbed by the shoulders and turned to face him. The emotionless mask was a little off putting, and yet the words that came through seemed to give it more emotion than if I had been looking at his real face.

“Don’t even start to think that, Minty Flower,” he said in a low voice. “I never cut you to kill you. I cut you to teach you the dangers in what you were doing, so that you could learn from them and grow. I do not want to see my time wasted, and they have not been on you.”

“I’m a horrible pony.”

“Are we not all horrible at some point in our lives? What makes you special? One of the very princesses that rules this country tried to overthrow it with evil magic. Why would she deserve redemption and not you? 

“The difference between normal ponies and those like us, Miss Flower, is that we understand what it is like to fall to the dark side of things, the side that most don’t like to think about. It is difficult to pull yourself back, yes, but once you do it will make you stronger for having been there. Not all those who wander are lost.”

I shook my head. “It’s not that simple with me, it never has been. I like doing bad things. I can barely control myself on a good day and on a bad day, well, you saw what happens. How can I expect to be good again?”

He leaned toward me until his mask touched my forehead. I wasn’t sure if it was for intimidation or tenderness. To be honest, I didn’t really care which. “You have to find that strength within yourself,” he said, “but I know that you can. I will be here, watching and waiting for when you can find what you are searching for. Once you do, we can start making this city right again.”

“So now you want to save the city?” I asked.

“Oh, Miss Flower, haven’t you learned yet?” He chuckled sadly, before he stood up and looked at me one last time. “There is much you have yet to learn.”

With that, he was off, jumping over the pew and out the door like a whisper in the night. I slightly questioned my own sanity after seeing him, and wondered if it was just some sort of hallucination that I was having. Then again, maybe it was the one I needed to have. I had been lost, that was true, and it would be nice to find my way again. 

Now, if only I could figure out how to do that.


*        *        *


I stayed in the church for about another hour, just thinking and yet at the same time trying to forget all my problems before heading back to Joya’s. I climbed back in my room with Sterling just in time to get around three hours of sleep before he woke me up.

Even though we shared the same room once more, there was a bit of tension between us. I wasn’t sure how much he knew about my affairs, but I knew it wasn’t exactly nothing. I think he kept a close eye on me, and every time I came back from Grapevine’s he seemed to avoid me.

That morning was no different. He got up and put on his usual vest that was perpetually stained with oil and grease without looking at me. He did it in silence, as if he didn’t even want me to hear him. His eyes looked at me from behind his green curls of hair in a sad way, and it hurt to see him that way. Just seeing him that way made me want to hide my head and wait for him to leave, but I forced myself up, trying to heed the words of the Assassin.

I stood next to our shared dresser and rifled through it for clothes while he brushed his mane. I decided on a white frock that Joya had made for me a while back, which seemed oddly appropriate for me at the moment. I fastened it around myself and tried not to think of how much it reminded me of the outfits Starshine and I had been given at the orgy. At least this one covered my flank.

“What are you up to today?” I asked, my voice sounding shrill even to my own ears.

He paused in his brushing. “Working.”

“On what?”

“Starshine’s wings. Today is the reconnecting of the nerves to the plates. It’s going to be a long day.”

“Oh, that sounds cool.” I tried to smile. “Would you mind if, maybe, I tagged along?”

“It’s really only a place for mechanics,” Sterling said.

“Please?”

He looked at me for a moment, like he was trying to see if I was joking. “No. Sorry, but not today, Minty.”

Inwardly, I sighed. Of course my first measure of goodwill in weeks would be for nothing. Still, though, it wasn’t the first time I had failed on the first try. Actually, the more I thought about it, I tended to fail on the first try a lot. So why should I let that stop me?

“Well, uh, I hope it goes well,” I said.

“Thanks,” he said in an even tone. “It should, more than likely. It’s much easier this time around than when I first fixed her wings.”

He started to walk out of the room, and I felt like I should do something to show that I cared. I wasn’t entirely sure what, so I leaned over as he passed me and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He stopped for a second, but said nothing and walked out without so much as a goodbye.

Of course, I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, I do know, but it was a stupid thing to think. I mean, really, how would he forgive me after just one little question, just a little bit of interest in what he was doing after so much crap I had put him through. And I didn’t even know if he knew I had been cheating, just distant. But, well, nothing in my life had ever been easy, so I figured I should keep trying anyway. At least for old time’s sake.

Not that I was really old enough to have one of those yet. Go me. Anyway, I watched him go and then just hit my head against the dresser a few times to punish my brain until I felt a little better. Then I trotted downstairs to look for something, anything I could do. It was a Wednesday, so there wouldn’t be much for me to edit, at least that I couldn’t put off until tomorrow. I had bigger fish to fry.

Joya was busy as a bee like always, zipping around her showroom to adjust the dresses and outfits there. She had been getting better since I had known her, and by now her clothes were considerably more upscale than when I first came to the city. I didn’t know if that was natural, or if her increased business after I got popular made her push herself. Either way, it was nice to see one of us being productive.

“Hey, Joya,” I said in a voice that sounded a lot more timid than I would have liked.

Her ears perked up, and she smiled at me. “Oh, Minty!” she said. “I almost didn’t see you there! How are you, dear?”

“I’m, uh, pretty good, more or less,” I said. “I was just seeing what you were up to.”

She waved a hoof. “Oh, nothing special today. It’s the middle of the week, so I’m just rotating the displays around a little. Why, were you wanting to do something?”

“Well, uh, sort of. I was wondering if you had, like, any work for me?”

“Work? Like . . . what, exactly? For money?”

I laughed. “No, no, just to help out, you know. I mean, I just thought it’d be good to pull my weight around here.”

I’m not sure she actually believed me when I told her. Though, I guess, she had good reason not to. I hadn’t exactly expressed a lot of interest in helping out for a long while, and besides paying the rent I had been interacting with her less and less. So I do guess that me coming out of the blue was a bit of a shock. I just wish she had tried to hide it a little bit better.

After a moment, she began to nod and smile once more. “Well, if you want to help, then sure!” she said. “I’ve actually got a shipment of clothes that I was going to have Ivory deliver later. Why don’t you go with him? I haven’t seen you two hang out in a while.”

“Sure,” I said. “I can do that. When’s he going to be here?”

“Oh, in just a few minutes. Why, in a hurry?”

“No particularly, no.”

She smiled. “Good.”

There was a certain flair in the way that she talked that I had always liked, but hadn’t noticed in long enough for it to seem almost new to me. She peppered every word with little flamboyant expressions that made the simple act of talking seem eloquent and precise compared to the usual talk. I was jealous of her a lot of the time, I had to admit, being able to speak like that. Also, not cheating on her coltfriend. That was another reason to be jealous of her.

I followed her around while she adjusted her clothing displays. A lot of it was exactly my taste, but I had to admit it looked nice. “So how have things been?” I asked her.

“With the business or me personally?” she asked.

“Both?”

She sighed and rearranged a pile of silk dresses. “I admit, things could be better. Marshmallow hardly ever comes around anymore, and I can’t take time to go see her, the poor dear is always at work. Not that I’m complaining, though, I’m glad she’s found success.” She put the dresses down. “Business is great, though. I think having the mayor, you, and Grapevine all connected to the store helps. The Elements of Generosity lines are still what the rich buy, but a lot of ponies are starting to look at mine too.”

“Well, that’s great,” I said. “About the business thing, I mean. I’m sorry about Marshmallow.”

“Don’t be. Like I said, she’s doing what she loves, and I’m happy for her.”

Joya gave me a sideways glance. “What about you, Minty?”

“Things are . . . fine,” I said. “I mean, they could be better, but they always could.”

“No problems with Sterling?”

“No, why?”

“Oh, he’s just seemed so distant lately,” she said. “I was starting to wonder if there was something between you and him. I could try to help, if you needed me to.”

“We’ll be fine.” I sighed. “Though I admit he is a little distant. Has he said anything to you? Anything at all?”

“Quiet as a mouse,” she said. 

I decided not to press further, though I wasn’t sure whether it was good news or bad news. I mean, Sterling wasn’t the blabbing type, so I figured that was just natural of him, but it might also mean that he knew and was sad enough to hold it in. I swear, I would never understand stallions no matter how long I lived.

There was a knock on the front door, though it was open, and Joya stopped what she was doing to go answer it. I followed her and was greeted by the sight of Ivory. He was . . . bigger since I had last seen him. When we had first met he had seemed almost malnourished and starved, but now he looked not just healthy, but fit as well. Strong. I could see the muscles that filled out his bulky hybrid body. He did his imitation of a smile at the both of us.

“Here on time, as I said,” he said, looking over the both of us. “Nice to see you again, Minty. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“A pretty long time,” I said. “I’m going to help you on the delivery today.”

“Is that so?” He turned to Joya and nodded. “I’ll make sure to take good care of her, I promise.”

Joya passed a bag filled with clothes to Ivory, who took it in one of his talons and nodded to her. She walked away, leaving me along with the hippogriff. I felt a little meek next to him, to tell the truth. It helped that he was gentle enough that I didn’t have to worry around him.

“You ready for the exciting world of fashion delivery?” he asked.

“Oh, you know it,” I said.

“There’s that Minty Flower sarcasm.” He chuckled. “Are you alright to fly? If I have to ride another streetcar, I’m going to go crazy.”

There were slits in the dress I wore big enough for my wings, which I fit them through and extended them to show off to him. “Fine with me.” I had been training my wings as much as I could lately, and my leg had stopped hurting for the most part, so I figured I could handle it.

We both went outside, stood for a moment on the ground, then began to flap. His wings were much bigger than mine, and it felt like a small hurricane when he started up. Because I was smaller, though, I rose into the air much faster, and hovered above Ivory until he had taken to the skies. We circled Joya’s shop before heading off toward downtown Fillydelphia.

To fly again, well, it’s hard to describe. Flying itself is a miraculous act, the closest I would ever get to touching the rim of the sky itself, and as mystical as how life itself worked. Doing it again, for real, after so long of not taking a single flight only doubled the effect. I let the wind rush through my mane and feathers, tucking my hooves close to my chest to the point where I resembled a bullet with wings more than a pony. Ivory wheeled above me, swooping through the air as if he were weightless. It made me smiled to see someone else having as much fun as I was.

Since I didn’t actually have any clue as to where we were going, I followed him all the way from West Fillydelphia to downtown, where we hovered around the skyscrapers. I could see Amethyst’s tower from where I was, and it wasn’t very far away, but at the moment I didn’t care. She couldn’t touch me.

Ivory swung himself over to me. “Having fun?” he asked.

“Yeah, the most I’ve had in a while,” I said.

“Good.” He looked me over slowly, suddenly almost looking like a cobra looking over its prey. “So, now what is the real reason that you wanted to come along with me? It doesn’t seem to be a story, so what could it be?”

“What, can’t a mare just decide to help out once in a while?” I asked.

“Every action must have a starting point,” he said, then his voice lowered. “Especially for a mare associating with the Fillydelphia Assassin.”

My blood ran cold. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.

“Don’t lie to me, Minty. It’s only an insult to my intelligence and your own. I know that you’ve been with him. So why then, pray tell, would you, out of the blue, decide to go on a job with me?”

I looked down. “It’s complicated.”

“I can fly up here all day. You might as well get talking.”

“Alright, fine,” I said. “If you want to know the real reason, it’s because the Assassin isn’t the pony you think he is. All he told me when I last visited him was that I needed to be a better mare. So here I am, trying to do that by helping Joya. You happy? Or do you want to know about the infidelity too?”

“Everyone knows about the infidelity.” He tilted his head. “Though you say you’re trying to . . . be a better mare?”

“Is that really so hard to believe?”

“In this city it is.”

I sighed. “Alright, look, how can I do this? I just want someone in my life who I can actually help for once, whether it’s you or Joya. Is that so much to ask? To just be given a chance to pull myself up out of all the crap I’ve gotten myself into? It’s not like I’ve enjoyed being horrible.”

Ivory stared at me with a mixture of sadness and pity. He couldn’t make many motions with his beak, so his eyes told the real story. I felt like he wanted to say it was going to be alright, but he didn’t trust me all the way. That hurt a lot, especially because it was something that was completely justified. Really, he and Sterling shouldn’t have trusted me at all, not even for a moment.

I had fucked up too bad.

So that was why it was so surprising when Ivory only shook his head and said: “Well, come on, then, and let’s see if we can’t find you something to not screw up on.”

“Really, you mean it?” I said.

“Don’t test my grace,” he said. 

He dove back down toward downtown Fillydelphia, and I followed him.