Celestia produced a small rune-covered metallic cylinder and fitted it over the shackled Chrysalis's jagged horn.
"With what nefarious device are you humilating me now?" the captive asked drolly, rattling her enchanted chains.
"Oh, I know what that is!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It's a magic defuser. It's like a chastity belt but for your horn instead of your naughty bits!"
Seven ponies and a changeling queen stared at her with a look of hesitant quizzicallity. Applejack stepped up and took one for the team.
"Sugar cube, Ah'm probably going to regret asking this, but how and why do you know this?"
Pinkie giggled. "Silly 'Jackie! That's practically the same question twice!"
Twilight was about to interject with an impromptu lecture on the difference between the two interrogative adverbs, but wisely held her tongue and instead made a note to include an article on the subject in her next grammar newsletter.
So Pinkie took a big breath, then continued: "Buuuuuuut to answer your question, this one time I threw a private party for Vinyl and Octavia to congratulate them on their three and a half year anniversary --a super-duper special invitation-only one just for them, and well, they kind of had a lot of punch and started making out in my loft and I was like 'Ohmygosh you two are so so so great for each other but wouldn't you rather continue your activities in the privacy of your home?' and then Vinyl was like 'Duuuuude' and I was like 'Duuuude?' and Vinyl was like 'Duuuuuuuude!' and then Tavi was like 'Duuuuuude, you [HIC!] keep shaying "Duuuuude," dude' and then this went of for a reeeeaaallly long time like twenty seconds at least and I think the-- HUUAUGHHH! --brownies they brought over were special or something which would explain why I ate so much but then again I always eat a lot so maybe we were just really drunk so anyway eventually Vinyl is like 'Duuuuuude! Afshter Parthty at my place. Yeeeaah! Threesome witth [BRAP!] Pinkie Pie! Yeeaah!' and I was like 'Shweet Shelestia I LOVE after partieses!' and I don't know why I remember this I guess maybe I just have an extra-y high alcohol tolerance or something so them we all stumbled over to-- HUUAUGHHH! --Vinyl's loft which is like mine except it isn't above a bakery which is suuuuuper lame at least for me but I guess she probably doesn't care so anyway the two are staring at me with bedroom eyes but oh yeah I forgot to mention that first before that Tavi put this super chill chill-out record on which kinda surprised me but apparently is their favorite love making music not dubstep well sometimes dubstep but not tonight well I mean not tonight tonight cause it isn't even nighttime right now so that would be a really silly and inaccurate thing to say but on the other hoof-- HUUAUGHHH! --a perfectly reasonable thing to say in the chronological framework of a narrative where the action currently being described is happening at night except then wouldn't one say 'that night' since it is past tense except I don't know I guess verb tenses get all wibbly-wobbly grammary-wammery sometimes but that really isn't important because what really is important within the context of the question you asked me is that that that that device we are speaking of does--that is to say the effects the magic defuser--are familiar to me is due to the fact that shortly thereafter I found myself tied spread-eagle to their bed with a bit in my mouth and hot wax dripping all over me (which by the way feels very nice in a roundabout way) and well to make a VERY long (though not as long Big McIntosh if you know what I -- HUUAUGHHH! -- mean, with apologies to Applejack because I just inadvertently revealed I've bucked his tree, again if you what I mean, which I can't help (well I can help, but that phrase 'can't help but' doesn't really make much sense if you try to break it down) but imagine you do, seeing how it is a very obvious metaphor for coitus, and as I was saying, it's VERY long and thick and sturdy and hard and many other adjectives and I better hurry up and finish this sentence or I'll need to take another breath) and kinky story short(er) apparently Octavia is the dominant partner in their relationship."
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"Awkward," said Chrysalis.