//------------------------------//
// The Drak in the Hat Knows Some Things About That 
// Story: Dr. Discord's Seussiful Equestrian Adventure 
// by AtomicMuffin 
//------------------------------//

"...Then our mother came in
And she said to us two,
"Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?"

And Sally and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell her
The things that went on there that day?

Should we tell her about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well...
What would YOU do
If your mother asked YOU?"

Discord shut the worn book with a soft snap and sighed contentedly. He sat for a few moments in his comfortable armchair and stared into the crackling flames dancing merrily inside his fireplace. He glanced over his shoulder and realized that he had company.

"Ah, do come in. Please, take a seat." He conjured another plush chair with a snap of his claws. Discord chuckled, then continued, "My apologies, I forgot you are the reader and don't have a physical form in this world."

He ceased his chuckling and adopted a frown. "It was just a little joke. No need to get testy." Once again, his charming smile returned and he continued, "I had just finished reading a book from your world. This Dr. Seuss guy must have been a real riot at parties. It's a real shame that the poor ponies of this world don't have that same chaotic creativity."

He stroked his goatee thoughtfully, then said, "Maybe I should show my new friends a little of what real literature is all about. Would you like to come along for the ride? Like you have a choice." With a pop the room faded away and Discord reappeared outside of a familiar library.




The rain fell heavy,
The rain fell in sheets.
Twilight was frantic
Checking for leaks. 

She flew though her home
On her alicorn wings,
And motioned for Fluttershy
To help her with things.

"This rain is a mystery.
It shouldn't be here.
Something's not right,
At least so I fear."

Fluttershy quietly sets down her tea.
"Neither does it make much sense to me."

Their attention was caught
By a knock at the door.
And Twilight did think,
Who would fight this downpour?

The knock came again,
Then twice and then thrice.
Fluttershy opened the door
Just because she's so nice.

The door swung open
And she gasped in surprise.
For there was Discord,
Before her very eyes. 

He pedaled inside
On his blue unicycle,
Shaking rain from his umbrella.
(It was more than a trifle.) 

"Discord, what are you doing?"
She squeaked in surprise.
"I came by to play,"
He innocently replies.

Twilight glided down,
Her face in a frown.

"What is he doing here?
What does he need?"
She asked as he smiled,
paying her questions no heed. 

"Hello, my friend!
Pleasure to see you again.
But enough of my silliness,
Let's get down to business.

I have something here
That is worth a look.
I can assure you now
It's a very special book.

But you can't just have it,
Because that would be lame!
In order to read it,
You must play my game."

Skeptical Twilight wasn't sure in the least,
But Fluttershy's smile put her at peace.

"Alright, Discord, but don't pull any tricks.
I don't want to have to break out the six."
She knew he remembered the powerful jewels.
"Please, hurry up and tell us the rules."

He tutted the princess with an indignant huff.
"That would ruin the fun,
As you know well enough.

"You haven't been listening
To the things that you're saying.
Even the reader could tell you,
You are already playing!"

Twilight grimaced
At the chaotic clown.
Now we can't have that,
Discord thought with a frown. 

With a snap of his claw,
The house started to change.
The halls and the rooms
Became twisted and strange. 

Some things grew longer
And others were short,
But Discord kept working,
Making things out of sort.

With another sharp snap,
There was a bright flash of light.
Fluttershy grabbed on to Twilight
And held onto her tight.

When the blinding light faded,
Oh what did they see?
They awoke in a room
As different as could be.

The ceilings were taller
and nothing was straight.
This would drive Twilight crazy,
Like a sock with no mate.

Both ponies sat quietly
Each plopped in a chair.
Rain fell down the window
And all they did was stare.

They heard a sharp cry,
And they turned around fast.
The sight that they saw
Left them both aghast. 

Spike swam in a bowl
Made of clear glass.
With not claws but fins
And scales that did flash.

"Twilight, you gotta help me.
You know that you must!
I don't wanna be a fish,
And you're the one I most trust."

Something was wrong,
And she knew who to blame.
But there were mysteries to solve
Before the villain came. 

"Something sounds off about your
Words and your timing."
Fluttershy interrupted,
"Oh my goodness, we're rhyming!"

All three gasped
As they realized the same.
But they jumped in surprise 
As the villain now came.

He didn't knock on the door;
He just burst right  on through.
Did he give any cares?
...Well, maybe a few.

He closed the door
With a flick of his tail,
And he strode with purpose.
Like wind in a sail.

He whipped on a hat,
with stripes white and red.
It was tall and sat crooked
On his horned head.

He grinned at the ponies,
Light glinting off his fang.
Then Twilight punched him
With a satisfying BANG.

The draconequis reeled,
And wide were his eyes.
"What was that for?"
He said in surprise. 

"My home is a wreck,
And Spike is a fish.
Now we're all rhyming.
What the heck is this!"

Fluttershy cringed
Clearly unhappy,
But Discord is cunning,
So his explained rather snappy:

"This is the world
Of the book I did mention.
You remember the one,
From another dimension?"

Twilight gazed around unsure 
Whether to puke or to fawn.
She fought to decide
If she could even go on. 

She ground her teeth
As her scholar's mind won.
She just had to accept
That the game had begun. 

Spike then did speak,
In a fishy growl.
"You can't trust him, Twilight.
I swear he's still foul."

Fluttershy was hurt
By the insult she heard.
"I guarantee he's harmless.
You have my word."

"No offense, Fluttershy,
But you are too soft.
You take his side
Entirely too oft."

"I assure you everything will be well,"
Discord boasted with cheer.
"Without further ado,
The Drak in the Hat is finally here!"





From behind his back, 
Discord pulled out a crate.
And as far as crates go
It was very first rate. 

The wood was smooth
And the lock was strong.
Nopony would guess
That things could go wrong. 

Spike pointed at it
With a slippery fin.
"That box is shaking hard.
What in the world is within?"

Discord sat on the lid
As he played with the latch.
Like a mother hen
Who wanted her eggs to hatch.

"Inside are two friends.
I will show them to you.
Inside are two friends,
I call Thing 1 and Thing 2."

The box fell away
With a thud and a crash.
Inside the box
Were Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

In red one piece suits,
They stood in the room.
Dash rolled her eyes
At Rarity's distress and gloom.

"Rainbow," asked Twilight,
"What did he do?"
"I lost a bet,
So now I'm Thing 2."

"Don't think this is losing,"
Discord chided with glee.
"You can't even imagine
how much fun it will be!"

Rarity cried,
"I don't know about fun,
But I don't like this costume,
Even if I'm Thing 1."

Discord glared
With a gaze made for hawks.
He growled,
"Do you want to go back in the box?"

The pair shook their heads
In fear and alarm.
And hoped that the Drak 
Really meant them no harm.

Discord reclined,
On a green jello-y blob.
With a dismissive wave, he said,
"Go do your job."

With a sigh and a groan,
The two went to work
Causing mayhem and madness,
For that big smug jerk.

Books fell from the shelves
And fell in a mound.
The china was broken
And the drapes were torn down.

"Discord, stop them!"
Twilight started to plea,
But the Drak answered innocently,
"Don't look at me.

"Get them into the box,
And make sure they're stuck.
That will end this game.
I wish you good luck."

The box had reformed
Where it once stood before.
In its place it stood,
Right next to the door.

Twilight looked to her friend,
And they heard a loud crash.
Fluttershy sighed,
"We should start with Dash."

They rose through the air
On their majestic wings,
But the queen of the sky
Could teach them some things.

Dash flitted around
Like a bee on a flower.
In the air,
Nopony was her match in power. 

They zigged and they zagged.
They zoomed and they chased.
The flew hard as they could,
But they barely kept pace.

Fluttershy paused
For a moment to think.
"I have a plan,
But you won't like it I think.

"Try to get Dash
To fly near that shelf,
And I think we can get her
To trap herself."

Twilight nodded,
And chased after Rainbow.
Dash took off quickly,
But expected to see yellow.

Where is Fluttershy?
She thought to herself.
She hoped that their antics
Weren't bad for her health. 

She ended the thought
As Twilight drew close.
She unwittingly approached
The shelf Fluttershy chose.

A cascade of books
Rained down from above,
And pushed Dash to the ground
With a forceful shove.

Twilight then caught her
In her magical grip,
And Fluttershy made sure Dash 
Didn't give them the slip.

No matter how much
She did squirm or shake.
Nothing would stop them
From tossing her in the crate.

Twilight slammed down the lid,
But her spirits were low.
"One down," she said,
"And one more to go."

Rarity tore through the house
Messing up the decor.
Fixing it all
Would sure be a chore.

She ran up the stairs
To the landing ahead.
And though she detested it,
She jumped on the bed.

The pillows were scattered.
The sheets were all crumpled.
The headboard was crooked
And the comforter rumpled. 

Then Twilight and Fluttershy
Flew up from below.
"Give it up, Rarity!
It's time to go!"

Rarity used her magic
To grab odds and ends,
And she whirled them around her.
Like a maelstrom it spins. 

Fluttershy gaped
At the swirling gale,
And Twilight's face
Looked unnaturally pale. 

Twilight then brightened.
A plan she did make.
"You need to fly through it,
for Rarity's sake."

Fluttershy was scared,
But she trusted her after all.
She leaped meekly forward,
Into the squall.

Rarity was distracted.
The many things to twist and bend,
Could not hit Fluttershy.
She wouldn't hurt her friend!

Twilight teleported behind her
With a soft little pop.
Then flicked her horn hard
To make her stop.

"Well that wasn't so hard,"
And she made herself busy.
"Speak for yourself," Fluttershy replied.
She was very very dizzy. 

With Rarity secured,
They descended the stair
To finally return
The last renegade mare.

Discord did laugh
At the sight of her plight.
"Don't forget to throw her in
And lock it up tight." 

She threw her friend into the box made of wood.
"This prize that you offer had better be good."

Discord sighed.
Now his game was finally through.
They weren't very amused,
This he definitely knew. 

"Alright, Princess Sparkle,
You win this round.
But keep yourself sharp,
For my next trip to town. 

"Dr. Seuss is gentle,
Not evil or feral.
But how about next time,
I try Lewis Carrol?"

He laughed and he snapped
His claws with a clack.
Then with a brilliant white flash
Everything changed back.




Twilight glanced around the room once the spots had cleared from her eyes. The sun was streaming through the windows without a rain cloud in sight. Her tree house was completely back to normal. In fact, it looked cleaner than it had earlier. The only indication that anything odd had happened was the fact that Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were standing near her. All three of them were still trying to allow their eyes to adjust to the light.

Twilight heard a muffled groan. Spinning around, she saw Spike standing by her desk trying to pry a fishbowl off of his head. She trotted over to help him, but something strange caught her eye. A tiny book sat on her desk. It was brightly colored, like a children's book. She quickly read the title. 

"'The Cat in the Hat?' You have got to be joking."



Discord floated up on a cloud and kicked back, making himself at home. He turned to the reader and said, "Well, that's how it goes. Twilight didn't take it as well as I would hope, but I did keep our deal. There's always next time I guess."

He continued to float leisurely away, but suddenly a mass of balloons rose up from the clouds. Discord laughed until an irritated Pinkie Pie hovered at eye level. She glared at Discord and shoved her face right up to his. She angrily cried, "Discord, why did you do all of those fun things and not invite me?! Do you think I'm not fun anymore?!" 

She pulled away and started to cry. Her mane lost its luster and deflated. It hung limp and straight, partially covering her tear stained face. She sniffled and continued, "I was there for you from the beginning. I thought we were friends." She gazed  soulfully at the draconequis. "Aren't we friends anymore?"

Discord hesitated and sputtered a few times. He shifted his gaze all around, looking for a solution. He frantically whispered, "Hey, Atomic. Mind helping a brother out here?"

Hey man, this is your bed. Sleep in it.

"You wrote this!" he argued, "Help me! I want to get out of this alive, you know?"

Pinkie overheard his whispers and her temper flared dangerously. She shouted, "Atomic Archimedes Muffin, don't you dare help him worm his way out of this one!"

Sorry, Discord. You're on your own.

Discord shouted indignantly, "Whatever happened to bronies before ponies?"

She used my FULL NAME! This mare means business. I'm out!

"Can't you just roll the credits or something?" He pleaded.

Pinkie frantically flailed her hooves, trying to propel herself forward. She gasped, "Don't you dare-"