//------------------------------//
// Applebuck Season 
// Story: A Dream 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	I slept on the couch on the lower floor of the library.  This time, it was completely intentional.  Twilight realized that I had nowhere to go, and let me stay.  I agreed to help out around the library.
Several in-dream days had now passed, and I was beginning to worry slightly.  Was I in some kind of coma?  How come this crazy dream was so long?
I tried to discuss it with Twilight, as she was part of my subconscious and would know what was going on.  She was busy working on something else, though, and didn’t give me any answers.
I went back to reading the Daring Do series.  As I was turning a page, I noticed an unusual rumble that appeared to be transmitted through the ground.
“What’s that?”  It took Twilight another few seconds to realize what I was asking about.
“I don’t know.”  We both walked outside.  There was a cloud of dust on the horizon.  In a few seconds, I saw that it was a huge group of cattle running towards Ponyville.
Twilight squeaked and ducked back inside the library tree.
“Can they talk, too?” I called after her.
She didn’t reply.  Over the thunder of the onrushing herd, I heard a faint “Yeeehaaawwww.”
The crowd of cows changed direction, turning away from the town.  Right there in the thick of things was Applejack.
Instead of leveling Ponyville, the cattle stopped a short distance away.  I ambled over.  Pinkie Pie came bouncing up.
“Whoa, hooie,” said Applejack.  “Now what was that all about?”
“Begging your pardon, Applejack,” replied one of the cows.  “Mooriella here saw one of those nasty snakes.”
“So freaking stomp on it next time,” I said.  “You’ve got sharp hooves.”
“I don’t like your tone,” said Mooriella’s husband.
“I don’t like how you aren’t barbecued and sitting on my plate.  I’ve eaten tougher steers than you, big guy.”
I’m not sure if he was more flustered by what I was threatening, or by the fact that I was implying that he was less than a bull.
"What are you talking about?”
“Where I’m from, we grind up cattle into meat paste, which we turn into patties and sell at a place called McDonald’s.  They’re delicious.”
There was horrified silence for several seconds, interrupted by Pinkie giggling.
“Oh Valiant, you’re so silly.  You’re so good at telling tall tales.”
Everybody laughed, although not all for the same reasons.
The residents of Ponyville seemed to be quite pleased that they hadn’t been trampled by the stampede.  There was talk about throwing Applejack a thank you party.
Later that day, I tried to find something to eat that would show Pinkie I was actually an omnivore, but then she pointed out that I didn’t have canines or sharp teeth of any kind.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t try.  I’ll show you when I kill something and eat it.”
She laughed.  “Silly, have a cupcake.”
“Okay.”

The whole town turned out to honor Applejack.  There was a gold trophy which appeared to be the award, although I don’t know what that had to do with saving the town from a stampede.
Her friends talked about what a great pony she was, although I think they were interrupting something Twilight had to say.  I’m not sure, because she didn’t end up actually getting the chance to speak.
When Applejack showed up, she looked like a mess.  There was a little stagger in her step, and she kept yawning.
“Thank you kindly for this here... award thingy.  It's so bright and shiny and…heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny.”  She stared at her reflection in the shiny gold.
“Okay. Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony,” said Twilight.
After she was gone, Twilight said, “Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little…”
“Tired?” said Rainbow. 
“Dizzy?” suggested Fluttershy.
“Messy?  Did you see her mane?” added Rarity. 
“Drunk?” I said.
“She seemed fine to me,” said Pinkie.

Later that day, I saw Rainbow Dash building something in the town square.  I walked over and asked what she was up to.
“It’s a giant catapult!  Applejack is going to jump from the top of that platform and land here, which will shoot me into the air really fast!”
“As a pegasus, you probably weigh less than Applejack, right?”
“Probably.  Why?”
“Well, if you had paid attention to weight ratios, you could move the fulcrum off center to compensate and get an increase in speed with no discernible loss in force.”  I knew that the books in the library would come in handy.
She looked at me.  “Huh?”
“Move the pivot point over and you’ll go faster.”
Just then, Applejack walked up.  “Ah'm a might' sorry, Rainbow. Ah was busy applebuckin' and ah guess ah closed my eyes for a second and, when ah woke up, ah was late. Now, what's this new trick a' yours?”
Rainbow explained it to her and Applejack climbed up on the platform.  She promptly jumped off and faceplanted into the dirt.
“Um... maybe I wasn't clear. You're supposed to land on the other end,” said Rainbow.  She and I watched Applejack try a few more times and miss them all.
“Applejack, what the hay is going on? I mean, I thought I was working with Ponyville's best athlete!”
“You are. I'm okay, really.  Okay, one more try.  Ah'm sure to get it this time.”
“Wait—”  Applejack jumped anyway.  Rainbow blasted off, Team Rocket style.  It made me wish that I had volunteered to jump in Applejack’s place.
It looked like Rainbow had smashed into the upper floors of the library, so I headed back that way.  She was just leaving as I got there.
“What was that all about?” I asked Twilight.
“Applejack is working too hard and she’s causing accidents.  I’m going to go talk to her about it.”
“All right, I’ll watch the library.”
Twilight returned later, looking frustrated.  Apparently, Applejack hadn’t listened.  She slowly sulked into a studying mood.
It was not too long before a pony burst in looking for her.  “The entire town’s been poisoned!”
“What’s going on?” asked Twilight.
“There were these terrible muffins, and they made everyone sick!  Please come quickly!”
“That sounds serious.  Valiant, can you—”
“Library duty, got it.”
She and spike left.  A short while later, I noticed another rumbling.  Poking my head out the window, I watched as a giant crowd of rabbits ran through the town.  I fell back on the floor, laughing.  I didn’t know how that had happened, but it sure was turning out to be an interesting day.
Spike came back without Twilight.  He told me that Applejack had mixed up a recipe while helping Pinkie, resulting in most of the town getting sick off of free samples.
“What’s that you’ve got there?” I asked.
“Pinkie called them baked bads.  I think they’re pretty good.”  He showed me one.  It had a lumpy appearance and appeared to contain worms.
“She just threw them away.”
“You got them out of the trash?”
“I like them.”
“I’m not judging.  You can sometimes find some cool stuff dumpster diving.”
“What’s a dumpster?”
“It’s a giant garbage can so large that you need a machine to dump it.”
“Wow, is everything cooler in your world?”
“Hell yeah.  Rainbow Dash has got nothing on me.”  
“I’d like to see that.”  He chomped another baked bad.
Did he believe me?  That would be a first.  I hadn’t managed to convince any of the rest that they weren’t real.
I frowned.  But wait, if Spike was just a figment of my imagination, then did it matter what he thought?  Was there some kind of subtle subconscious conflict going on here?
I decided not to think about it.