"Time Turner, you do realize that Twilight and I are the only ponies who actually believe you, right? I, because I'm clinically insane (my dad had me declared as such five times as a child), and Twilight, because she has actually traveled both backwards in time and into another dimension. One which coincidentally had a lot of these humans you and Lyra speak of, though from her description, it sounds as if these weren't quite the same humans. But hey, I believe you, and that's good enough for me! So what's on your mind today Doctor? Want to know what somepony is going to get you as a birthday present, or how I really got my cutie mark, or where Rainbow Dash is ticklish? What can Madam Pinkie do for you?"
"Well Pinkie, I'm glad you asked. I heard recently that you added matchmaking to your list of services offered, and well... I'm afraid it's a service I'm in need of."
"Le Gasp! You heard about that? I'm just starting out, so I'm keeping it on the DL. You dig?"
Time Turner smiled. He needed to hang out with the bubbly mare more often. "Of course I understand Pinkie. But I will say, a rather dapper gentlestallion gave a quite enthusiastic appraisal of your business."
"Oh really, who was that, if I may ask? May I ask? Please say yes."
"I'd be happy to tell you Pinkie, but I myself asked him his name, and he would only say that 'Bow-ties are cool.' Nice guy, but seriously fashion-challenged."
"Ooooooooh, him!" she interjected. "Okay, that makes sense."
The Doctor was puzzled. "That rings a bell for you? Who was he?"
"Sorry Timey, I can't say. Spoilers!"
Time Turner winced, and for a moment looked every bit as world weary as an 800 year old alien ought to be.
Pinkie noticed. "Time, what's wrong?!? What did I say?"
"I'm sorry. That phrase just hit... a bit close to home, that's all."
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! But... which phrase was that? 'Sorry Timey'?"
"No no, the other one. The 'spoilers' one. It's not your fault. It's just something my wife seemed fond of saying."
"WHAT?!?!?" Pinkie somehow spasmed into the air. "You're married?!? What are you doing seeing me then? Marriage vows are like a pinkie promise, and NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE!!!!" She was in his face now.
"PINKIE! CALM DOWN! I'm not married! Well, I was, but..."
Just like that, Pinkie swung to the opposite side of the excitability spectrum. ".......oh. I see. That makes sense. I hate to pry (actually I love doing it) but, what happened?"
"Sigh... She handcuffed me to an exploding supercomputer."
Pinkie looked at him quizzically. "And that killed her?"
"It's complicated and... I'd rather not talk about it. Can we move on?"
Pinkie brightened up again. "Okie-dokie-lokie! So, you're looking for a kindred spirit, that's what you're saying? That's why you came to the ol' Pinkenator?"
"You are correct. I would like you to find me a companion."
Upon hearing the word "companion", Pinkie again settled into a confused state. "Speaking of companions, what about Ditzy Doo? You hang out with her all the time. Have you asked her to be your special somepony?"
"Nah, it's not like that. I love her to death, but not in that way. She's like a little sister to me. And I, like most ponies, have a policy of not dating my sister." He made a brief face at the thought of that.
"Oh ok! Makes sense to me!"
"Glad you understand. Soooo um, how does this work? Do I pay you now, or later, or....."
"Oh you silly filly! Matchmaking is free for stallions. Especially such hoofsome stallions like you, eh eh." She nudged him with an elbow.
"Free? Pinkie, that's unsound business."
"Nuh uh! We have a LOT more mares sign up than stallions. The more stallions we can get in the program, the happier everypony is. I know my finances Turner. I ain't CFO of Sugar Cube Corner for nuttin'."
Mom and pop bakeries have CFO's? Time Turner thought to himself. "Okay okay, I trust you Pinkie. Just, tell me what I need to do, and I'll get out your hair."
"You're not in my hair silly! You're sitting right next to me!"
The stallion facehoofed. "Figure of speech Pinkie. Figure of speech."
"Riiiiight. Anywho, normally I'd have you fill out a bunch of questionnaires and do an extensive interview thingie and all that jazz soft rock, but my pinkie sense tells me I already know a good match for you!"
"Your pinkie sense can predict a good match for me?" Time Turner questioned.
"Oh no, you're thinking of capitalized Pinkie Sense that predicts the future in vaguely specific ways. This is lowercase pinkie sense: my general knowledge of what makes a successful couple."
"Oh?"
"Anywaysies, my associate in Canterlot has a client who I think would interest you. I'll chat with her, and get back to you tomorrow."
"And that's it?"
"Yepperdoodles. That's it!"
"Okay. Well, thank you so much Pinkie. This means a lot to me."
"No problemo Time. A true true friend helps a friend in need, and Pinkie is a friend of everypony; ipso facto, I'd do the same for anypony."
Time Turner smiled as he got up and shook Pinkie's Hoof. "Hey Pinkie?"
"Yeah?"
"Promise me you'll never stop being your wonderful self."
"Of course. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cup cake in--" She was interupted by the sudden rapid twitching of her tail.
Time Turner's eyes grew huge, and he dived out of Pinkie's tent just in time to avoid a falling flowerpot.
"Huh," Pinkie said as she swept up the resulting mess. "Where do those come from anyway?"
