//------------------------------//
// Beware, I Live! 
// Story: The Retribution of Blackberry Pie 
// by Kelvin Shadewing 
//------------------------------//


The Retribution of Blackberry Pie

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony belongs to Hasbrothe King, bitches! Mwahahahahahahahah! Blackberry rules you!



Chapter 1: "Beware, I Live!"






The Everfree Forest. Long had this foreboding place haunted the dreams and stories of the ponies that lived around it, for in its depths were the darkest of Equestria's monsters and myths. Along the forest floor, a thin, black wisp with a small, red spike at its head slithered across the soil and over tree roots, leaving behind a trail of microscopic black crystals.

Anyone who had witnessed the birth of this strange apparition and followed it would eventually come to understand the nature of it. The small horn was a symbol of powerful magic, and the black tail embodied a cruel, broken heart. This thing was a fragment of the soul of the late King Sombra, and it was seeking the other fragments so that it could become whole once again and rise up to take revenge on those who put it into the sorry state it was now in. Unfortunately, it was going the wrong way.

The fragment did not care, not just because it didn't know of its misdirection, but because of the smell of other soul fragments that were gathered nearby. Even if these were not its own soul, it would be of little consequence; Sombra would use these other fragments to find the rest of himself, and then leave this other shattered soul with nothing once its usefulness was outlived.

The horn bumped into a rock and began to dig itself underneath. Down a long tunnel, the fragment slithered, until it came to a small underground pool: the gate between this dimension and the mirror world. The broken soul Sombra sensed was that of a mirror pony who had been foolishly torn asunder by somepony who had abused the portal.

Sobra entered the portal, and latched onto one of the fragments, taking it into himself. The others began to gravitate towards him, and soon his new body started to grow, soon reaching full maturity. The newly resurrected king stepped out of the water and opened his eyes. He drew in a slow, deep breath, and released it all in a sigh.

"Liiiiiiffffe..." he said slowly, and started to chuckle darkly. His chuckling escalated into villainous laughter, until it reached its crescendo, at which point it took a wild turn and shifted into hysterical cackling. The king rolled over and clutched his gut while kicking his hind legs in the air as his laughter devolved into incoherent giggling. At last, his fit of bubbly amusement subsided, and he rolled onto his side, looking around. "Ah, this is gonna be so much fun!"





Canterlot. It stood in stark contrast to the former home of the royal sisters. The streets were clean and bustling with nobility, and the only dark secrets it held were likely to appear in the next week's gossip magezine anyway.

Princess Celestia stood on the balcony adjoining her room and took a deep breath of the evening air. Every day, she enjoyed taking a few minutes to just look out over Equestria and bask in the peaceful ambience. Eternity was a long time to be a princess, but looking out and seeing her little ponies happy made every day worth it.

Her gaze happened to cross the Everfree, and she fought back the bitter memories of the events that lead to her and her people abandoning that land and allowing it to grow wild. Something seemed different about it today, something she couldn't quite place. Something seemed to be growing, something black and spikey. A minute passed, and her eyes shot wide when she realized it was an obsidian fortress rising from the ruins of the long-abandoned Everfree castle.

"Luna!" Celestia called, "Come here, quickly!"

Her sister was by her side in seconds. "Sister? What troubles thee?"

Celestia did not speak; she merely turned her head towards the growing structure.

Luna's jaw dropped at the sight of the black crystal rising over the trees. "Th-this can not be!"

"It is," Celestia said bleakly, "Go fetch Twilight. I shall inform Cadence and Shining Armor."

Luna wasted no words before melting into a starry cloud and swiftly floating away. Celestia's eyes hardened as the fortress just kept on rising.

"You will not take this land either, King Sombra."





King Sombra sat on his haunches and swayed from side to side, humming an amusing tune while his horn was refracted in the black aura of his magic. Small bubbles of green and violet light appeared, and just as quickly blinked back out of existence around his horn. A similar effect surrounded the obsidian chunks, causing them to grow rapidly. Inside, his magic was carving out smooth hallways with the walls forming a rippled arch tunnel over a perfectly flat floor, the shape of which resembled the top half of an egg. At regular intervals, fire rubies sprouted in the walls to light the corridors.

He smiled as his work came into completion, then smirked out the side of his mouth when his ear twitched, picking up the sound of wings flapping nearby. His grin turned downright evil, and he poofed away in a puff of black smoke just as his visitors set down outside his walls.

Clestia took point as she, Luna and Twilight Sparkle stepped up to the tall stone door on the outer wall.

"Be cautious," the solar diarch instructed, "King Sombra was not one for subtlety, but even that may have changed. We must be ready for--"

"Visitors!"

The three princesses' heads snapped up at the sound of King Sombra's gravelly voice coming from above.

Said unicorn was peeking over the wall, his muzzle hidden behind the hexagonal crystal. "Sorry, I'm not ready for you guys, still need to pick up furniture, gotta meet the neighbors and I hate you. Goodbye~!"

"Sombra!" Luna shouted, "How dare you show your face in our land!"

"Your land?" Sombra asked, raising an eyebrow, "Um, last time I checked, you guys held no claim on this forest, and since I just moved in, that makes it my land now. So, shoo." He waved his hoof dismissively and then ducked under the wall.

Twilight stepped forward and spoke to Luna in a hushed tone. "I hate to say this, but technically, he's right. The Everfree is unclaimed land. Here, he can do anything he wants."

Celestia sighed. "As much as it pains me to say this, Twilight is right: we are not above the law, and as thus, Sombra is legally free to do as he pleases here." She shot a sideways glance at the wall. "Cunning as that may be, though, we still surround him on all sides. With our combined magic, making a barrier around the forest would be feasible."

"Aaaand, you're discussing this plan here, why?" King Sombra had silently appeared between them all.

The princesses jumped back away from him and took a defensive stance, but he was already back up on the wall, looking down on them with his forelegs draped over the stone.

"You guys are stupid!" he said with an uncharacteristically cheerful smile.

"Enough of this foalishness!" Luna shouted, "We have had enough of your..."

Sombra stared down at them with a bored expression, having completely zoned out of Luna's tirade. For a moment, he lip-synced with Luna, then he pulled out a tomato, bounced it in his hoof, and then bee-lined it right into Luna's face. The tomato made contact with the lunar diarch's muzzle and splattered with a smacking noise that echoed throughout the forest.

Luna stood in stunned silence as chunks of the vine fruit slid down her muzzle. It was so quiet that even on the soft, mossy earth, one could hear a pin drop.

Celestia slowly turned her head to face the king. "Did you just--" SPLAT!

King Sombra doubled over laughing. "Oh, I'm sorry! Is it that time of the month for you princesses? I know it's not my business or anything, but you should really use something other than your face for that!"

Twilight was next. "How dare y--" BONK! "OW!"

Sombra put a hoof to his mouth and smiled coyly. "Oops. I must have put that apple in the tomato barrel by mistake... again!"

Celestia shook the tomato chunks off of her face. "Enough!" She began advancing on the wall. "Do you honestly believe that you can just continue this farce without consequence?"

"Hmmmm." Sombra made a duck face. "Yes."

"Get down here and fight like a stallion, Sombra!" an enraged Luna finally managed to say after being stunned by the tomato.

"Stop calling me that!" Sombra snapped, "I don't even like hummus!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Twilight asked.

"EVERYTHING!" Sombra roared, "You don't see me coming into your kingdom, marching up to your brand new castle and start calling you names and demanding things from you!"

"No," Luna said coldly, "You just come along and enslave the people you rule."

"Aaaand now I rule nobody," Sombra said matter-of-factly, "so that makes me better than you." He stuck out his tongue at them.

Celestia promptly brought her hoof to her face and applied it directly to the forehead. "Fine, what do you want us to call you?"

Sombra considered this for a moment, then pretended he was still thinking just to drag out the suspense. His expression slowly slipped into an even more pensive look until his eyes were paper-thin slits. Then his face snapped back into that uncharacteristic look of cheer. "Blackberry Pie!"

The three princesses stared in utter bewilderment. Celestia managed to keep her stoic air up, but inside, her mind was reeling at what this could all be about. King Sombra hadn't once attacked them, or even threatened them. As far as she could tell, he was just being... rude. He was just a jerk. Something was wrong with him. She didn't even sense the bloodthirst of the old Sombra.

"King Som... I mean, Blackberry Pie," Celestia began, "what exactly are your intentions?"

"None of your butt sweat," Blackberry replied.

"I see," the white princess responded, "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps it was uncalled for for us to storm onto the property of a new neighbor and demand an explanation for their resonable endeavor of moving into a parcel of land which we don't even rule over."

Twilight and Luna picked up on Celestia's pandering tone, one that was often used on snooty nobles to pacify them when they got especially needy. They knew she was up to something.

"Would it be acceptable for us to meet more formally at a future time?" Celestia asked.

Blackberry pensively rubbed his chin. "Hmm, I don't know if I have room in my schedule. You'll have to speak to my assistant." He ducked under the wall, and after a few seconds of squeaking noises, he raised his rump over th edge. On his buttocks, he had drawn a pair of eyes that looked like hastily scribbled versions of his own.

"Greetings, ponies," the 'assistant' said, "I heard you wanted to ass me a few questions?"

Luna spluttered and did a double take. "Why, of all the disrespectful--"

"Now, now," said Blackberry, "Let's not make a stink over this. I'm sure I could fit one of you in for some face time. I'll admit, I'm a bit of a tightwad, so I don't let stiffs in. You'll have to butter me up a bit."

Celestia stepped in front of Luna to prevent a fight. "That's alright. I'm sure we could work something out later, but right now, we must be going. So much to do!"

"Ah, yes, doing your royal doodie," Blackberry said, holding a hoof over his mouth to contain his laughter, "Allow me to show you the exit!" He swung his tail around and held it up so the hairs rested on his back, revealing a part of his anatomy the princesses would rather not have seen.

"THAT DOES IT!" Luna shoved Celestia aside and lunged up over the wall after the reincarnated Sombra.

Blackberry casually poofed out of the way and reappeared behind Twilight and Celestia. "Be careful, Lulu. You don't want to assault the king on his own land, do you?" he asked in a mocking tone.

Celestia's eyes shot wide open. "Luna! Don't!"

But it was no use; Luna was already thoroughly enraged. The night princess spun around, blasted a hole in the wall, and proceeded to fire a volley of lasers at Blackberry. "FIGHT US LIKE A STALLION, THOU CRAVEN TYRANT!"

Blackberry laughed like a school colt as he teleported around, dodging all Luna's laser beams. He even briefly appeared underneath Celestia and slapped her belly before teleporting away. "Do ya got any cream to go with that jello, princess?"

Luna took advantage of his jeer and got a shot in right between his eyes. His neck bent backwards at a sickening angle, and with several loud creaks and pops, his head moved back into its normal position.

"Did. You. Just--" BAM! Another laser blast struck him. "That's not fun--" BAM! "OK, you're really starting to--" BAM! "Would you just--" BAM! "Fuck!"

The king poofed away before Luna could shoot him again. He reappeared on the wall again and shouted down in the royal Everfree voice. "THAT DOES IT!"

The three princesses flinched back. Celestia glared at Luna, who regretfully shrank back.

"YOU ALL ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!" Blackberry bellowed, "FOUR TIMES! FOUR TIMES, YOU SHOT ME! NOW I SHALL BANISH YOU FOR FOUR WEEKS!"

Twilight shook her ringing ears and looked up at Blackberry. "Four weeks? That doesn't sound right."

"You want it to be four months?" Blackberry asked sternly, "You are all of you banished for four weeks. If I see you in the Everfree Forest before your time is up, then I will declare war on Equestria!" He lit up his horn, and purple flames poured from his glowing eyes.

Even Celestia took a nervous step back. All around them, large beasts of the forest appeared with their eyes glowing the same way as Blackberry's.

"Take them out of my forest and see to it that they do not return!" the king commanded.

The creatures formed a corral around the alicorns and ushered them out of the woods. The princesses found themselves not far from Fluttershy's house. They looked behind themselves at the monsters standing guard at the edge of the woods.

"Well," said Celestia, "That could have gone worse."

"I am sorry," Luna said, drooping her head down, "I should have exercised restraint and not given into my emotions."

Celestia put a hoof on her sister's shoulder. "Luna, knowing the atrocities King Sombra committed in the past, I can understand you letting into anger. However, it seems strange that he would toy with our feelings and then not take advantage of it."

"He did seem off to me, too," said Twilight, "Not to mention xhanging his name. You don't think it's possible he really does want to just rule the Everfree, do you?"

"We can't afford to make any assumptions," Celestia said sternly, "We must observe his activities and be prepared for anything. Cadence and Shining Armor have the Crystal Heart ready in case we have to fight him again." She turned to her student. "In case that isn't enough, Twilight, would you stay here in Ponyville with the other Elements?"

Twilight nodded up at her beloved mentor. "You can count on me! I'll inform the girls and the mayor of what's going on right away. Will you send Spike so we can keep in touch?"

Celestia nodded. "Of course. Now, Luna and I will return to Canterlot and search for any other counter measures we can use. Perhaps this will be a good opportunity for Discord to prove his mettle as a good draconequus."

At that moment, a letter materialized out of a cloud of evaporated milk in front of Celestia. She caught it in her magic and opened it up to find a message made up of letters cut out of a magezine using a variety of childish fonts.



Dear Princess BoringCelestia,

On this day, because it suits me, I am taking my random vacation that will last for an indefinite number of measures of time units. I may or may not be available during this time. Don't have any fun without me, otherwise I may become very jealous, not to mention worried. I mean, come on, YOU having fun? That would just upset the blance of the omniverse. No, you just have your boring little courts and tea parties, and I'll be off doing whatever I feel like.

TTFN, Discord.

PS; Give Fluttershy my love... um, you know, if that's alright with you.



Celestia and Luna blinked at the scroll with deadpan expressions. Twilight sighed and shook her head.

"If only he knew."





The ponies of Ponyville excitedly gathered around Twilight as she entered the small town. She spotted her friends in the crowd as she made her way through and greeted the many familiar faces around her.

"I'm sorry, everypony," she announced after getting them to calm down, "There's a situation that demands my immediate attention. Rest assured that everything is well in hoof."

"Is this about that castle that showed up in the forest?" a stallion in the crowd asked.

Twilight nodded. "Yes, it is, but--"

"Who's castle is it now?" a mare asked.

"Please, everypony, I just need to speak with the mayor first. I promise I'll answer your questions later." Not that they won't find out anyway. Twilight gathered her friends and the mayor and went into the town hall for some privacy.

Twilight went with the aforementioned ponies of interest into the town hall, and took them to the mayor's office. After casting a sound muffling spell, she turned her attention back to the others and took a deep breath. "Ki--"

"Welcome back, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie cheered and pounced her best friend.

"Pinkie!" Rarit scolded, "Show a little self control!"

"It's fine, really," Twilight assured her, and returned Pinkie's hug briefly, "As I was about to say, King Sombra has returned."

The others collectively gasped.

"Good heavens!" Mayor Mare exclaimed, "Why on earth has he come here?"

"I don't know," said Twilight, "Honestly, I'm not even sure what to do. The last time Sombra came back, he immediately attacked without word or warning. This time though, he seemed... playful."

The ponies said "Huh?" in unison.

"Ah can't imagine Sombra bein' the playful type," Applejack put in.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, he was still rude," Twilight spat, though not at Applejack, "In fact, he was downright vulgar. Even stranger, for some reason, he insisted we call him Blackberry Pie instead of Sombra. Said it had something to do with hummus."

Pinkie perked up at the mention of hummus. "Hmmm, yeah, I can see what he means," she said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

"So what do we do for now?" Rainbow Dash asked, "We can't just sit around and wait for him to attack us."

Twilight shook her head. "I'm afraid that's all we can do at this point. We have the Crystal Heart ready to be sent here at a moment's notice, and I'll be here with the Elements of Harmony to boot. Until then, the best we can do is to not antagonize him."

"But what if he makes the first move?" asked the mayor.

"I doubt he'll do that," said Twilight, "He knows the power we have against him. It's highly unlikely he'll do anything drastic like--"

"ATTENTION PONYVILLE!" a loud voice rang out over the town.

Outside, Blackberry Pie stood atop the town hall, addressing the cowering crowd. "THIS IS BLACKBERRY PIE, FORMERLY KNOWN AS KING SOMBRA, FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE. CONSIDER YOUR QUAINT LITTLE HAMLET... ANNEXED!"

Ponies ran for cover this way and that, screaming and panicking while Twilight and the others emerged from the hall. Blackberry slipped on a pair of sunglasses and grinned over his newly declared domain.

"Hail to the king, baby."