"Last time we left our heroes they had found the whereabouts of one of the Alternate Twilights with the depths of the dreaded Everfree Forest. She was called Twicora, a Twilight whose father had been the Ambassador to Zebrica. Training under Zecora, the Princess of Zebrica and one of their most powerful mystics,Twicora adopted the name and markings of the zebra to honor her mentor.
"With the first of the many Twilights secured, Scootaloo, only with her adviser Agent Coltson, the young baby dragon Spike and Twicora, makes her way towards Sweet Apple Acres, where she has sensed the next Twilight-"
"Uh, excuse me?" Scootaloo called out to the strange pony standing on the side of the road.
"Yes?"
"What are you doing?"
"Narrating, of course!"
Scootaloo stared at him in confusion. "Ok, great. Next question... why?"
"There something I wish to be made clear, what has brought you here," Twicora asked, adjusting her cloak and making sure the hood was covering her face.
"And how do you know who we are?" Cotlson said suspiciously, preparing himself for a sneak-attack.
"And can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?" Spike asked, pounding a fist into his opened hand. "Me and that big yellow bird have some unfinished business."
"I am here because I was called here! For I am Plotdump, the Narrator, and I go where heroes are, so I might narrate their quests! I give out exposition and make long spans of time go by quickly with just a few words!"
"...I vote that we just ignore this and keep going," Scootaloo said.
Twicora nodded. "Of this I can agree... this is weird even for me."
"Having rested for a moment to gather their strength, the merry band of travelers continued on their way, not knowing what dangers might lay-"
"Just ignore him and walk faster," Coltson said, the group hurrying along.
~MC~MC~MC~
After leaving Plotdump in their wake the foursome turned off the highly trafficked path and began down the long, dust road that led to Sweet Apple Acres. Scootaloo couldn't help but smile as she breathed in deeply the scent of fresh apples and hardwood bark; there was just something about Sweet Apple Acres that uplifted one's spirits and made them just want to smile (unless one was allergic to apples or their father had been raped by an Ent, but enough about Lyra's backstory...).
Coltson looked around and smiled himself. "It sure is-"
Spike clamped the stallion's mouth shut. "NO!" Everyone turned to stare at him and the baby dragon began to rapidly shake his head. "Don't say anything positive!"
"I have to say I wonder why. This is a wonderful field under a great blue-"
Spike reached over with his other hand and shut Twicora's mouth.
"Would you stop that?" Scootaloo complained.
"Only if they stop trying to jinx us!" Spike said nervously.
Coltson pulled away and glared at the dragon. "What are you talking about? What jinx?" His face screwed up in confusion. "And why does your hand smell like caramel?"
Spike glanced about, finally letting go of Twicora's mouth. "Haven't any of you seen a horror movie? Whenever someone says something about how nice or peaceful a place is that's when the killer semi-dead saw-wielding lunatic leaps forth and kills everyone in a blood splattering, 3d spectacular gore-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
The foursome leapt back in fright as a small purple form burst out of Coltson's saddle back, looking around with wide eyes. Landing of her feet, the filly jabbed her horn about, looking for the meanie that was laying in wait to slash and gash her.
"...Twiley?!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"Yeah, that's right, Twiley! Twiley the Vampire Slayer! Cutie Mark Evil Mass Murderer Stopperer, YAH!" The purple filly whipped around and paused, tilting her head to the side. "Scootaloo?"
"As I stand here on this sod... a little me is really quite odd," Twicora said, circling the purple filly.
"Aw, not rhyming!" Twiley complained in utter annoyance, forgetting all about the monster she had wanted to fight. "I can't stand rhyming! Applebloom spent two weeks rhyming after she met Zecora! 'A cat on a mat saw a rat'. Blarg. Felt like I was stuck in a kiddie book!"
Coltson stomped forward, leaning down to glare at the filly. "Why... are... you... here?"
If Twiley noticed the anger that colored each of the agent's words she didn't show it. "Well, when I heard mom and dad say they were sending you on a super secret Twilight mission I knew I needed to come because, hey, I'm a Twilight so who better to help on a Twilight mission? I crawled into your saddle bag and began reading this book," she leapt onto Coltson's head and happily trotted down his neck to the saddle back, rummaging through till she found her book and tossed it to Scootaloo.
"I am Equestria (And So Can You) by... Iron Will?" Scootaloo said, pressing her tongue against the inside of her cheek.
Twiley nodded happily. "Its full of truthiness! Anyway, I read some of the book and then I got hungry so I ate some of those jelly beans in your bag-"
"What jelly... those were dehydrated food pills! You just ate a week's supply of food!"
Twiley blinked. "...Cutie Mark Food Gorger!" She checked her flank and sighed. "Nothing... shoot." The purple filly leapt to Twicora's back and began to inspect her mohawk mane. "Then I fell asleep and when i woke up I head you guys talking about scary killer guys so I leapt out. Why are you half black?"
"If you wish to not receive an attack, do not ask strange ponies why they are black." Twicora reached around and pulled Twiley from her back, setting the filly on the ground.
"Ok... but you are still kinda silly! Are you an adult me? You look like me except I don't have stripes. Do I get stripes? Can I have spots instead? Or a bow tie! Bow ties are cool! A bow tie and a fez! Or we could all get matching bow ties and-MMMPFFF!"
"Thank you Spike," Coltson said as the baby dragon held Twiley's mouth shut (and the filly silently wondered why his hand smelled like caramel). "Now then, it appears I need to send a letter to your father... before he sends the national guard out to rescue you."
"Mmmffp! Mmm-ffttpp!" Twiley freed herself, shaking her head. When Spike finally let go Twilight whipped around and jabbed her stubby horn at him. "No means no, Spike!" She spun about and glared at Coltson. "And you don't have to send a note! I left one before we left."
~MC~MC~MC~
Night Light stared at the note that had been left on Twiley's bed, an eyebrow raised in confusion.
'Gone crusading. -Twilight'
~MC~MC~MC~
"Somehow I doubt that will alleviate their concerns," Coltson said dryly as they approached the Apple Family's farmhouse.
"It will too!" Twiley complained, sticking out her tongue when she thought Coltson wasn't looking,. "Any pony-"
"Oh by Celestia, not more of'em!" Granny Smith ran out of her house, swinging a broom at Twicora and Twiley. The zebra-marked mare pulled out her oak staff and blocked each of Grayy's shots, holding back just enough to ensure she didn't actually hurt the old mare. Granny, who was surprisingly spry when she needed to be, twisted around and hurried back onto the porch, pointing the broom handle at them. "I'll take ya down, ya no good clones! GRANNY SMITH!" Granny leapt in the air screaming her battle cry... only to land 3 feet short of the group. "Dang it!" Granny sat up and rubbed her flank. "The old butt-whoopers ain't what they use to be."
Twicora placed her staff back on her back. "Granny please sit just for a spell... now I will ask, what the hell?!?"
"That... was... awesome!" Twiley exclaimed, bouncing around in glee. "You were all super secret agent cool there! Where you once a spy? My daddy's a spy! Mr. Coltson here is also a spy but he isn't as cool as my daddy! I bet you ran around wearing pink wigs and fought to shut down SD6! I can totally be a spy when i grow up... maybe that is what my cutie mark will be!" Twiley grabbed Scootaloo and began to shake her. "We need to try that out right now, Scootaloo! CUTIE MARK SECRET AGENT PONIES! YAAAAAH!"
Scootaloo wiggled her ears. "Tell me I'm not like that when I get excited."
Spike merely smirked.
"Granny Smith," Coltson said, trotting over to the mare, "I am assuming from your actions here that there is a Twilight Sparkle around here causing trouble?"
"Ha! Trouble? She's doin' more than that! That harlot is trying to bed my grandson!"
"WHAT?!?!" the group screamed (even Twicora, though she had to quickly come up with a rhyme afterwards).
"Woke up to him screamin' and a blushin'... I'll admit I am a bit happy about it, as I was beginin' ta think ol' Mac was as gay as the night is long. T'ain't anythin' wrong with it, mind ya, but I'd like some great grandbabies that actually look like us... my friend Sweet Pickle's granddaughter is gay and they ended up adoptin' some tiger cub from the East..."
"Granny, where is this Twilight that trying to... uh... 'bed' Big Macintosh?" Scootaloo said (wondering the entire time if she weren't a bit too young for all of this).
"Hmmm, don't rightly know. Mac came a-runin' down a screamin' something fierce and apologizin' ta Twilight... though I guess she ain't our Twilight, 'siderin' we've got a striped one and a baby one here too."
"I'm not a baby!" Twiley cried out in anger. "And I'll prove it! If that big Twilight can bed Mr. Macintosh then so can I!" Twiley paused, looking over at Spike. "What's 'bed' mean?"
"Uh... when two ponies love each other very much..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Granny nodded her herself. "Nevermind, they be out in the orchard. Just follow the screams and you'll find them."
"Thank you, Mrs. Apple," Coltson said, hurrying around the farmhouse with Twicora, Scootaloo and Spike on his hooves.
"Little Twilight..." Granny said, stopping the filly, her voice taking on a dangerous, deadly tone, "who done told ya about SD6?"
~MC~MC~MC~
"By the Princesses, not more of'em!" Applejack exclaimed upon spotting Twicora racing towards her. She turned towards the only two she recognized of the group and leaned down, her eyes narrowed. "Spike, Scootaloo, ya mind tellin' me what happened?"
Scootaloo reached into her saddle bag. "Here's the pamphlet."
Applejack stared at said pamphlet (which features 10 Twilights on the front and the title 'Twilight has been Shattered into Many Pieces and Equestria is being Invaded by her Alternate Dimensional Selves: A FAQ'). "What in tarnation?"
"After that whole thing with Scootaloo's origins I decided this would be quicker," Spike said with a proud smile.
Applejack scratched her head. "Well, I'd think ya'll were lyin' to me but it is in a pamphlet..."
"Applejack!" Applebloom called out, dragging an empty water bucket behind her. "I need to get more cold water... that last batch didn't stop her one bit!"
Twicora raised an eyebrow at this. "In our group you must place your trust; tell me about this Twilight so full of lust."
"It ain't lust!" a voice called out. The group turned to the south, staring at the newest Twilight. The first thing they all noticed was that this Twilight, while have the same lavender coat and purple hair, dressed and acted different from their Twilight in every single possible way. She wore a cowboy hat that was similar to AJ's, only darker in color, and also had on a matching vest. Her mane (which was much longer than Twiley and Twicora's) and tail were tied up tightly. On her flank, instead of Twilight's star-burst cutie mark (something Twicora had at the very least) was the image of a zap apple.
"I say that this can not be!" Twicora exclaimed in shock. "In her there is not a drop of magic to see!"
The new Twilight glared at the striped mystic. "Ya ain't that polite, are ya? Didn't ya mama teach ya'll it ain't polite ta talk about ponies as if they weren't there? I ain't talkin' about your stripes!" The new Twilight removed her hats and the group gasped; this Twilight didn't have a horn. The patch of forehead where it should have been was completely smooth.
"That... that ain't possible," Applejack whispered.
"It is," Coltson said somberly. "In another place and in another dimension... isn't that right Twilight?"
'Twilight' frowned. "Fella, I don't know who this Twilight horned mare ya'll keep confusin' me with is, but she ain't me! The name is Zapapple Delight and I'd wish ya'll would stop actin' like you don't know me!" The cowpony walked over to an apple tree and gave it a good solid buck, sending a cascade of apples raining down into the waiting buckets. Applejack couldn't help but be impressed; "Ya'll can't tell me some la la unicorn could buck apples like that!"
"N-n-n-nope!" Everyone looked up at Big Macintosh, who was clinging to the high branches of the tree Zapapple had just bucked. His eyes were wide with fear and he was holding onto the tree for dear life.
"Come on down, Mac!" Zapapple said sweetly. "I ain't even gottin' my mornin' kiss yet!"
"How is this possible?" Scootaloo whispered. "I get Twicora here and Twiley too... but an earth pony Twilight?"
Coltson sighed. "Its possible due to genetics. Have you ever met an unicorn whose parents didn't have horns?"
Spike nodded. "Yeah, that filly... what's her name..."
"Dinky," Scootaloo provided. "Her mom is a pegasus and her dad is an earth pony."
"Time lord," Spike added.
"Whatever."
Coltson rolled his eyes. "Right. But somewhere in their family trees they had unicorns and that's why Dinky has a horn."
Spike frowned. "Is that why the Cake twins..." Applejack coughed something about 'swingers' and 'cheaters' but Spike couldn't make heads or tails of that.
"There are some unicorn families," Coltson continued, "that view such genetic abnormalities in a poor light. About a hundred years ago it wouldn't be uncommon for Canterlot families to abandon foals who were born without horns, lest they bring shame to the family."
"Darn tootin'!" Granny Smith said in frustration. "I had a mighty long talkin' too with the princess about that one back in the day and thats why that be illegal!"
"You... talk to the Princess?" Scootaloo said in surprise.
"Dang straight! We have a weekly Bingo night!"
"So you think this Twilight..." Scootaloo began, watching as Zapapple tried to coax Big Mac down.
"If i had to guess, I'd say her parents abandoned her when she was born and the Apple family adopted her. In her world she is married to Big Macintosh and does work here at Sweet Apple Acres."
Twiley huffed in anger. "My mommy and daddy wouldn't do that!" She ran over to Zapapple and began to kick at her as hard as she could. "Stop lying about them Big Me!"
Zapapple calmly lowered her head and grabbed the squirming filly by the nape of her neck, lifting her up and tossing her back to Twicora. "Now listen here, ya'll... I don't plum know what is goin' on but I am gettin' sick of it! I'd want answers and I want them now!"
"Excuse us!"
Scootaloo's group, the Apple family, and Zapapple all turned as one to focus on the speaker.
"Oh lord, not you two varmints!" Applejack complained at the sight of Flim and Flam, the famous Flim Flam Brothers. "Go on, git! We don't want what yar sellin'!"
Zapapple frowned. "AJ, what the hay? That's no way to speak to our business partners!"
Applejack whipped around. "OUR WHAT?!?!"
"Our business partners! Remember, they invented that cider squeezer, Applebloom helped them improve the design... for goodness sake you went on a date with Flim last week! Have you gone crazy?"
"I... but... wha..." Applejack's eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.
"...did I get my cutie mark for helpin' them?" Applebloom asked.
"Let us assure you we are not here to harm you or your family. We merely wish to give this letter to you and the other pieces of Twilight and deliver a message to Miss Scootaloo and a Mr. Spike from our employer."
Scootaloo frowned. "Who is your employer?" she asked as Flim and Flam took out a pitch whistle and blew into it.
Flim and Flam
Nightfall!
Nightfall!
Nightfall!
Nightfall!
She gallops across the nation
That evil mare of sin.
She's cooking up her vile plan
So stop butting it!
But if you refuse to listen
Then the games will begin.
A horrid crime, show of force
Your murder will happen, of course!
Nightfall!
Nightfall!
Nightfall!
She's bad!
The League of Evil Twilights
is watching so beware!
This little warning
will be your only, we swear!
So make dear Nightfall gleeful
Or she'll make you her mare!
Scootaloo
I'm already a mare! Or I will be.
Spike
I think they mean in a different way.
Flim and Flam
Just give up
be a doll
Or she will kill you
Signed, Nightfall!
And with that the two unicorn brothers bowed then rushed away.
"...ok, so maybe I nabbed some of Granny's moonshine... I swear I'll never drink again!" Zapapple exclaimed.
Twiley's eyes went wide. "Oh no!"
"Don't worry, I'm sure it will be fine," Spike said.
"Not that... I think those jelly beans... uh oh... oh... oh...." Twiley ran towards the farm house. "I hope I don't get my cutie mark for this!"