The Conversion Bureau: You’re A Wizard
By DaBunnanaKing
Chapter One: I am a what?!
-Meanwhile in at the league of doom… Oh wait wrong story, lets see here… Ahh here we are. Some were in the broken city of Dallas where we last left our four heroes-
“Ahhh Ulysses the letter says to meet inside the building marked with a red X over it.” Said Rafael looking over the note that was given to them by Celestia, they were all sitting in the Humvee hiding from the acidic rain outside,
“Well I don’t see and red X’s, do you?” retorted the sniper,
“It’s over there.” Pointed Jack pointing to a dark grey door on the other side of small compound that they had fortified in case of an ambush.
“Well I guess I’ll see you lads after this… keep the engine warm and be ready if shit hits the fan… again.” Ulysses said putting his M98B on the seat and opting to take his sidearm and knife with him. He exited the Humvee and made a mad dash to the door attempting to stay out of the acid rain. He didn’t of course so his combat armour sizzled as the rain slowly dissolved the thin layer of cloth covering the kevlar but he made it to the door and opened it with a sense of urgency.
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The inside of the building was dark only having several light on that led down to an ominous basement. The steps seemed odd, like as if they were built for something else besides humans… like a dog or cat. He continued down the stair until meet with a dimly lit hallway that ended with a door. He took out his pistol and cocked it then continued down the hall with it drawn checking that there were no traps or anything that he didn’t want to see in a darkly lit hallway.
He approached the door and slowly opened it while placing his pistol away. Ulysses walked into the dark lit room where the meeting with Celestia was being held but something was amiss. A large man with a shaggy beard was standing their instead of Celestia, he opened his mouth and the smell of beer and ham is all he could smell and he said, "You’re a wizard Ulysses."
"A what?" replied the confused sniper,
"A wizard… and a bloody good one too." He replied before a slight hissing was heard and the man disapeard into the shadows.
“The fuq…” he said before he smelt the grape fragrance that was filling the air, “Why do I smell grape?” he said while reaching for his gas mask but it was a futile attempt because he was out cold on the ground before he could even unhook it from his webbing.
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He was falling but not violently but gently. Well more so he was floating blissfully in the darkness of… well where ever he was. He had no shape or any notion to which way was up. To say the least he was scared, had he died and this was punishment for all his years of serving the military. But then he spotted a bright light, it was soothing he quickly moved towards it with great vigour on his new found body structure that felt alien to him but also felt right.
He bursted through the light into a large court that seemed to be reminisant of the one in Buckingham Palace but without the color red being everywhere. But there were two thrones and in each of them were the respected owners. The one on the left held Princess Celestia and the other Princess Luna but both Princesses held a long face.
“I am so sorry for not being able to meet in person Ulysses but this was the only safe way of meeting each other without being attacked. I am sorry for also having forcibly converting you but it is essential for you to be a pony Ulysses… we need you and your squad to come to Equestria immediately after you all awaken.” Said Celestia slowly trotting over to Ulysses,
“Great… Just great, I knew it was a trap. So tell me why I should trust you anymore now that you have just turned me into a four foot pony and that you are probably doing the same to my squad.” He said stomping his hooves down, “Wait what the…” he said after noticing that he himself was no longer the muscular soldier that he was but a faint outline of a pony,
“Waa?” he said trying to understand what was going on,
“Ulysses listen, I don’t have much time left but when you awake some of my royal guards will come and collect you and your squad and bring you here to me in Canterlot there I will explain everything but go Ulysses for your people need you.” She said before fading away.
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“Is he waking up?” said the disembodied voice of Jack,
“I think he is.” Said Rafael,
Ulysses slowly opened his eyes to be greeted by a light brown colored Earth pony with blue eyes and a green mane. The other one was a dark blue pegasi with a snow white mane and hazel eyes. Even though his vision was blurred he could see two khaki stumps in front of him as if they were his arms.
“Give his some room guys he has just gotten up from the Conversion dream so who knows what is going to happen. Remember he was forcefully converted while we all had a choice.” Said the disembody voice of James who seemed to be originating from behind him,
“What the heck just happened… and who are you two?” Said Ulysses slowly coming back to reality as he tried to figure out what had just happened,
“That’s easy Ulysses, we all got ponifyed and now were on our way to Equestria.” Said the pegasi who sounded exactly like Jack,
“WHHAAATTT!!!” cried Ulysses as he jumped on to all four hooves without missing a beat,
“Yeah isn’t it cool. We bearly had to do anything… well besides grabbing the intel and then going to the drop off point but who cares we finally get to go to Equestria.” Said the light brown earth pony that sounded like Rafael,
“Umm guys I don’t think he knows who we are yet,” said James whose voice came out of a lime coated unicorn with a yellow mane, “Ok so I am James, that’s Rafael and that is Jack over there and you are Ulysses who is a unicorn.”
“Okay then…” Ulysses replied shocked, “So where are we exactly?” he said noticing that they were on a golden chariot being pulled by two pegasus royal guards,
“Well were in Equestria right now but according to the guards we are over a town called Ponyville.” Said Jack being the one of the group who seemed to be a walking encyclopaedia of everything Equestria related, “so that means were also very close to Canterlot, Look there it is!” He yelled excitedly pointing his hoof at the majestic castle jetting out of the side of a mountain face,
“Well looks like I’m in for one hell of an adventure aren’t I?” said Ulysses bearing his muzzle in his hooves.
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Authors Notes: This is what happens when I say something stupid on the IRC channel #TCB… well since me being the lazy bustard that I am I have decide to make this instead of working on something that I should be. Anyhow let’s see where I go with this so comment and rage at me in the comments and maybe I might give a shit and read them.
Bunnana Out
-Bunnana King
P.S. Fuck Da Police, I'm going to do this all myself.