I'm not even letting my editors near this chapter, why? Because this chapter is mostly worthless!
The Goku chapter is still in the making, I just can't seem to make it funny. Also this chapter is just kind of there. I have no idea how this will effect the story line...If there's even a story line to all of this.
BOOM! Namek explodes leaving behind a large debris field with chunks of land floating freely around in space. Among the rubble Frieza was clinging to life and mentally cursing the saiyan named Goku.
But instead of Frieza being picked up by his father like how we know it, a strange force took action and decided to punish Frieza for being such a dick.
Frieza woke up in a small soft bed with the sun blasting him right in the face as he sat up. Looking in the direction of the incoming sunlight, Frieza took a mental note to blow the sun the fuck up later for its assault against him. Then a sudden memory came to his mind. He had lost his one arm and legs!
Checking himself over quickly while staying in bed he decided not to question his body being fully recovered. All thoughts towards this stopped however when a creature entered the room that Frieza was staying in.
"You're awake!" Twilight Sparkle. Local Librarian. and definitely NOT Princess.
"Oh my god... you're a talking pony." Frieza was in disbelief and honestly wanted to play things out a bit.
"Uh, yeah. I am." There was a slight pause between the pony and...and...whatever the fuck Frieza is, but Twilight decided to break the silence. "What's your name?"
"Lord Frieza."
"Lord?"
Frieza smiled, "Yes. As in owner of most of the known universe."
"Oh." Twilight began to feel uneasy as Frieza stood up off the bed and while he was clearly taller than Twilight it wasn't by much.
As Frieza walked over to the window and looked out into the happy streets of Ponyville he saw what he guessed to be pony children playing with a small red ball.
"Nice planet you got here."
Twilight was now very concerned, "Uh, Okay. Thank you?"
"I think imma take it."
"You what?"
"Imma take it."
Suddenly Twilight sprinted out of the library faster than she ever had before and headed to the first pony she could think of. Rainbow Dash.
"RAINBOW DASH!" she yelled at the base of Dashes cloud house. "Get out here!"
Rainbow Dash however had fallen asleep on top of an unused bookshelf and abruptly fell off to Twilights yelling. After she had regained her composure she quickly headed outside to meet Twilight.
"What's wrong! Did you misplace another book or something?" Dash asked trying to act concerned in her friends problem.
Twilight gave her explanation at an impressive speed. "NO! This strange creature appeared out of nowhere last night so I took it into the library and fixed it up and now IT WANTS OUR PLANET!"
Rainbow Dash stood in front of Twilight and was about to call out B.S when the library suddenly exploded in a huge red ball of energy.
"My books!...oh Celestia! The elements!"
"Now Twilight. I want you to look me in the eye and say we're in trouble. BUT only if we're in trouble."
"Rainbow Dash, we are not in trouble."
"Okay good, now-"
"We're royally screwed."
As the ponies stood looking at what was once the library, Frieza made his way over to them and occasionally blasted a few innocent ponies he saw running away.
"Oh I'm sorry. Was that place important to you?"
Twilight was about to snap! "Important! All my study books were in there and so were the elements! They're our only means of defense against creatures like you!"
Frieza laughed, "Oh good, so I'm fucking this planet up pretty good then."
Rainbow Dash muttered under her breath, "What a prick."
Frieza put his hands together, "Okay so here's how this is going to work. First off I'm pissed, and am going to hold a grudge against your people for what one saiyan did to me."
Dash cocked her head, "And the Second?"
"I will definitely blow up this planet when I'm done...Oh yeah, Planet Vegeta all over again. Good times. good times." Friezas voice trailed off as he remembered wiping out the saiyan race.
"But I thought you wanted our planet?" Twilight asked.
"Pfft not anymore."
"But-"
"Bitch don't hate the player, hate the game!"
Twilight shot Dash a confused look then looked back to Frieza, "What game?"
"What. uh it's a metaphor... Do you get Space Hulu here?"
"Uh, no. No we don't."
"Space Tube?"
"No."
Frieza paused for a moment. "SpaceNet? or at least tell me you have basic Space Cable?"
Twilight shook her head as Rainbow Dash held a confused looked.
Frieza sighed but then suddenly got hit in the back of the head with a dark blue magic shot. Frieza slowly turned around to see who had the balls.
"Princess Luna!" Twilight yelled out as she was happy to see some help. "You're in for it now!" she continued looking at Frieza.
Luna took a quick look at Frieza and then glanced at Twilight, "Twilight, are thou unharmed?"
"Yes! But this guy wants to blow up Equestria!"
Frieza smiled, "Only a lot."
Luna began to charge her magic and started to lift into the air, "Stand back Twilight Sparkle! This will be the most devastating attack I have ever had to release!"
Dash quickly grabbed Twilight and flew up into the sky to avoid any side effects of Lunas attack while Frieza continued to stand still looking up at Luna.
Luna fired her attack and her aim was dead on for Frieza, but instead of the attack making a direct hit, Frieza easily bitch slapped it off into the distance which hit some unrelated town that no one or pony cared about.
Luna held a confused and lost face, "I believe I am...Oh, how do the ponies of today say it?"
Rainbow Dash yelled towards Luna in the distance, "You're fucked! or sometimes we say majorly screwed."
Twilight still hung in Dashes arms, "I say royally."
"Shut up Twilight."
Frieza stood looking at Luna with his usual lusting face for blood, "So I heard you were a Princess! How about we re-work the throne system!" Frieza pointed his finger at Luna as he said this and a pinkish beam of energy shot right through Luna causing her to fall to the ground.
Both Rainbow Dash and Twilight watched in horror at the scene that they both witnessed.
Meanwhile at Kami's lookout, Mr. Popo had been sitting in a lawn chair and was watching the Hub channel where he got special permission to watch the ponies in real time.
"Okay, No." He said as he stood up out of his chair and put down his brand of beer he created that no mortal could even stand to look at without dieing. "Kami, I'm heading out for a bit."
Kami had just stepped outside of the lookouts palace and took in a deep breath, "Where might you be going Mr. Popo?"
"Oh nowhere really, Someone's just fuckin' with mah ponies."
"Oh dear, No one gets to fuck with your ponies. Have fun, Mr. Popo. Oh and slap that Diamond Tiara bitch for me while you're there."
"No promises." Mr. Popo then proceeded to vanish with vengeance in his eyes.
Meanwhile Rainbow Dash was landing precise kicks in Friezas face but was easily smacked back towards Twilight.
"Sorry Twilight....He's just too strong." Twilight was about to try an attack of hers but-
"HIIIII." A black (not racist) figure suddenly appeared.
Frieza looked at Mr. Popo in confusion, "What...What the hell?"
"Bitch you don't mess with mah ponies!"
"Uh, Come again?"
"Bitch. Following me?"
"Yeah."
"You don't. Still with me?"
"Yes."
"MESS WITH POPO'S PONIES!"
Suddenly a black mist overtook Frieza causing him to vanish without a trace.
'Enjoy the dead zone bitch!" Mr. Popo then turned his attention to Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
"Oh no. Please don't tell me you're against us too."
"No. And look."
"What?"
"Luna's here!"
Luna suddenly appeared right next to Mr. Popo and was looking around in confusion as to what had just happened. "Why did thou save me dark and mysterious one?"
"Cause you're mah favorite, unlike the guy writing this, she's his favorite." Popo pointed a finger at Rainbow Dash.
"Are thou serious?"
"Oh yeah, sometimes he likes to play favorites and shit and I have to step in."
"Uh, Mr. Popo?" The writer asked.
"What do you want worthless maggot writer?"
"I was hoping we could move on with the story here."
"Maybe. But what's wrong with you! Killing Luna like that!"
"What? It made for an interesting plot twist don't you think?"
"Drama Queen!"
"Mr. Popo this is hardly the time-"
"Drama Queen!"
"We are seriously breaking the fourth wall here."
"Drama Queeeeeen."
"Fine!"
And so Mr. Popo scratched Luna's ear and then gave a slight wave to Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Twilight stepped forward with one question on her mind.
"Uh, will we ever see you again?"
"Yeah, sure whatever." Mr. Popo then returned to Kami's lookout where he told Kami very little of what had happened. In the mean time Ponyville recovered quickly and the Library was rebuilt and all of the books were replaced along with the elements of harmony.