“Alright, what’s the problem now?”
“Who, me?” said Twilight.
“Yes, you!” Rainbow Dash pointed at her with the unmistakable precision of a lawyer making accusations in court. “You’ve got that look on your face that says you’ve got some more complaining to do.”
“And I wasn’t going to say anything this time. I thought you’d be happy that I didn’t interrupt again,” she replied.
“Well, sorta, but it’s hard to concentrate on storytelling when you’re sitting there looking like such a know-it-all.”
“It’s nothing. Really.” Her mildly amused smile suggested otherwise.
Rainbow Dash took to flying a slow, tight circle around the sole attentive member of her audience. “C’mon, Twi. If you’re thinking then you aren’t listening, and if you aren’t listening then there’s no point to me telling the story. I would’ve stopped sooner, but I didn’t wanna break up the big fight scene.”
“Funny you should mention that, actually.”
“What? That was a thing! That happened!” She came to a halt hovering in front of Twilight. “It’s because we lit the troll on fire, isn’t it? You don’t believe we actually lit a troll on fire.”
Twilight rested her chin on one hoof. “That’s not exactly plausible, but... I mean, I can buy a foreign pirate crew being staffed by griffons and gnolls and kobolds—”
“Wait, what’re those last two?”
Twilight’s ears perked up at the chance to give a lecture. “You already mentioned them earlier. The kobolds are your ‘rat-looking guys’. Historically, they’ve been subservient to one species or another most of the time, usually to do menial labor. Especially mining.” Under the call of her magic, a small collection of rocks and leaves quickly formed themselves into a crude diorama of digging figures. “We think they were probably the ones to invent the candle.” The leaf on one figure’s head caught fire. “And to discover that taking an open flame into a coal mine is a bad idea.” The magic holding the scene’s ceiling together faded, crushing the rest back into a pile of rubble. “And to pioneer a lot of cave-in recovery techniques.”
Dash backed up until she was comfortably away from the scene of carnage. “You know what you don’t have to worry about collapsing on your head? Clouds.”
Twilight continued, forming a vaguely canine shape from the remains. “Similarly, gnolls are your ‘dog guys’. They’re usually the ones controlling the kobolds.”
“I thought Rarity called them Diamond Dogs.” The stone golem waved, and she cautiously waved back.
“That’s what they called themselves!” piped up Spike from behind Twilight, startling her enough that her magical grip was lost and the effigy crumbled back into its component parts.
“Hey there, short stuff,” said Rainbow Dash. “Where’d Pinkie go? You guys missed all the cool parts. I mean, not all of them ‘cause I’m in the whole thing, but one of the big life-and-death bits.”
“Aw, really? Nuts.” One hand snapped in frustration. “Pinkie’s busy climbing up and down all the trees looking for someone to find. I tried to tell her no one’s actually hiding, but she seems pretty convinced. And I was still hungry,” he finished, resuming his perch on top of the remaining pile of gourmet granite.
“Diamond Dog isn’t actually the name of their species,” Twilight continued, reforming the figurine. “At least not according to my books. There used to be a huge gnoll empire a long time ago, but my guess is that when the kingdom broke down they split into a bunch of different factions.” On command, it split into four smaller versions of itself. “So the ones Rarity ran into are Diamond Dogs, but there are probably other groups. Like the Ruby Rovers, or, uh... gemstone-dog, gemstone-dog... Hessonite Hounds? Something like that.”
“If you say so. Was that it?” asked Dash.
“Oh no, those two and the griffons I’m okay with. But the troll—”
“What about the troll? He was big, he was ugly, and we kicked his flank!” Rainbow Dash crushed one of the small figures under her hoof, sending the other three running in terror. “End of story. I mean, not actually the end, but you get the idea.”
“I’m not saying they don’t exist. Just that they don’t exist any more.” The sorceress frowned at the callous destruction of her work, but cancelled the come-to-life spell driving the rest before they could escape into the wild. The Everfree already had enough oddities living in it.
“Twilight, why don’t you ever make any sense?”
“You said it yourself, dragons hunt and eat trolls. The whole species went extinct a few centuries ago.”
(As with most of the rest of ponykind’s written history of the world outside Equestria, this was only half true. While dragons did indeed feast on trolls at every opportunity and had wiped them out more than once, they never really went extinct. The trolls took a grim satisfaction in knowing that at any given point in time there were decent odds that somewhere, someplace, a dragon was unwittingly donating its magic to spawning the next generation of trolls by taking a hundred-year nap inside a hungry mountain.)
“Well your books are wrong, ‘cause there’s at least one still running arou—gah!” Pinkie Pie plummeted onto Dash’s back from above and turned on the local dragon with a disappointed glare.
“Spike! You eat people? How could you?”
“What? No!” The little dragon gestured wildly with a shard of granite. “I—just because I like gemstones and rocks and stuff doesn’t mean they used to be something!” All three ponies gazed at the pile he sat on. “It was only a boulder!”
“It was hard to tell that Basalt was a thing before he started moving,” said Rainbow Dash. “Even after he started moving, if you looked at him from the right angle.” A casual lean to the side sent Pinkie rolling off.
Spike cast an uncertain look at the shard in hand before flipping it over his shoulder with a sigh and plodding over to Twilight. “I’m gonna be the first dragon in history to talk to his food before he eats it, and it’s gonna be all your fault.”
“Hey Dashie,” chirped Pinkie, “did you know there’s a tree over there with little bits of hair of all sorts of different colors just like your mane stuck in it? Isn’t that the weirdest thing? A rainbow tree!”
“Er. Sure, Pinkie, that’s weird alright. Can’t imagine what that’s about.” She quietly resolved to check her mane for missing clumps later. “Oh hey, Twilight, that reminds me! Another weird thing I wanted to ask you about anyway. One of the griffon pirates was half-pony or something instead of half-lion. Y’know, hooves and a hairy tail and all that,” she said, waving her own around. “Green feathers too. Is that normal? I’ve never heard of a griffon like that before, but Gilda never wanted to talk much about them in the first place.”
“Wha—Rainbow Dash, that’s a hippogriff!” Twilight sprang to her hooves, sending Spike tumbling away from what had nearly been a comfortable napping spot at her side.
“Lemme guess, they’re all supposed to be dead too. Or are they mythical this time?”
“They’re real, just incredibly rare. There haven’t been any confirmed sightings in over a hundred years.”
Dash lit up and pumped a hoof. “So I rediscovered two lost races and a legendary move in the same day? Sweet!”
“Hippogriffs aren’t really a distinct race, so to speak. Oh, how do I put this...” Twilight glanced over at Spike’s prone form out of the corner of her eyes. “Well, uh, they’re half griffon and half pony, right?”
“Yeah, the front half looked like an eagle and the rear looked like a pony.”
Twilight grimaced slightly, shaking her head. “No, I mean they’re really half griffon and half pony.”
“That’s what I said!”
“It’s... that is... a hippogriff is what you get when you take a griffon and you take a mare and then they... you know. Together. They’re like mules. You know where mules come from, right?”
Dash cocked her head. “Mommy mules and daddy mules?”
“That’s a no, then.” Her ears flattened against her head.
“You’re sure you know what you’re talking about?”
“Yes! Sort of. Maybe? I’ve only read about it.”
“I always figured those were more Rarity’s kind of books, Twi.” Rainbow Dash widened her eyes and clapped a hoof to the side of her face. “Just when you think you know a pony, she goes and surprises you.”
“Huh? Those kinds—oh!” A violent blush immediately consumed Twilight’s face. “No, the hippogriffs! It was a bestiary!” Her panicked eyes locked with Dash’s. They held each other’s gaze just long enough for Dash’s composure to break down into a series of snorts. “You’re putting me on, aren’t you.”
“You make it too easy, Twilight,” the pegasus said with a smile.
“Remember how I didn’t want to say anything?” One ear twitched in annoyance, dislodging the rock caught in her mane.
“Alright, alright,” said Rainbow, settling into a comfortable position. “Just hang tight and listen, I’m getting close to the end.”
The four of us spent a few minutes putting as much distance as we could between us and the pirate hideout. Nopony said a word. I was too busy enjoying little things like the sky to bother talking, personally, and I didn’t know what to bring up anyway. The Wonderbolts all looked beat, now that the adrenaline had worn off. The early evening chill wasn’t helping any either. So when we ran across a river flowing through a valley between the mountains, nopony needed to ask if we wanted to stop and rest for a moment. Red staggered up to the water and dunked his head in, only surfacing for a second here and there to breathe.
Nimbus broke the silence first, staring down at the dirt. “Well, hasn’t this been an exciting day? I think it’s been very exciting. Judging a contest, chasing pirates, nearly getting killed fighting a monster in a horrible trap, one thrill after another! The adventure of a lifetime.” Her voice got smaller. “So what do you say we go home while we’re ahead, before this insanity ends up being the only adventure of our lifetimes?” By the end, she sounded as shaky as she looked. “Please, Red?” For the first time, I didn’t get the feeling that she was putting up a front.
He came up just long enough to reply. “We can’t.”
“Look at yourself!” One hoof pointed at the black patch on his reflection in the water. “You need medical attention!”
“I’ve had worse. It can wai—ow, ow!”
She had his goggles off and his mask peeled away before he could react. The hair underneath wasn’t quite as charred as the cloth above it, but it didn’t look good either. When she brushed some of it aside, the skin beneath was an angry pink. “What were you thinking, boss?” She pulled her own goggles up and they stayed like that for a little while, her tracing the burn on his cheek with a gentle touch and a gentle look, while Red gazed back at her and dripped. Pink eyes looking into deep blue. It almost looked like they were... nah. Couldn’t be.
“They’re not involved, no,” said a voice behind me. I recognized it as Autumn a second after I instinctively bucked the thin air. “Wonderfully quick reflexes.”
“Don’t do that!” I hissed. “I’ve already had enough ponies sneak up on me today.”
“Of course, Miss Dash, my apologies.” At least he had the decency to look a little embarrassed about it. “We’re all on edge these days ourselves. The Wonderbolts are a tightly knit group, but recent events have left us more tightly wound than anything. Tense, and ready to snap at any time.” His eyes settled on the other two.
“Yeah, he said something like that earlier, about how this was all pretty big for you guys. Not exactly what you’re known for.”
“Quite so. I’d always taken a more hooves-off approach to improving Equestria, but this has turned out to be quite a rewarding occupation in its own way.” He let out a deep breath before going on. “Not everypony on the team feels the same, as you may have guessed.”
“That’s why Feather Flap and Shimmer Span left, right? I’d heard they felt like they were just getting too old to keep performing, and I never could figure out why. They still did great at your shows.” The Wonderbolts are amazing, don’t get me wrong, but those two in particular always flew like they were one pony in two bodies. They had something special together, even if they weren’t young superstars like Red. It was sweet, in more ways than one.
“Indeed they did,” he said, nodding. “Even now those two could still fly rings around any pegasus in Cloudsdale at a moment’s notice. No, they decided that they didn’t care to risk not seeing their grandfoals grow up. Nimbus nearly walked out with them, but the younger Sky brother came along shortly after and they’ve been difficult to pull apart ever since.” There’s something you won’t hear about in the official magazine.
Nimbus overheard that last bit. “Knock off the gossip, Autumn.”
I couldn’t let her get off that easy. “What, can’t let the word get out that you’re actually not a complete jerk to everypony you meet?”
That really got her attention. She turned my way, leaving the goggles up so she could glare at me better. “Look, hotshot, maybe you and your team can just magically whisk away dragons and fairy tales. The rest of us normal ponies get to risk our lives cleaning up everything else the hard way. So don’t tell me I don’t care,” she snarled. “Not when you’re the one who ruined the Wonderbolts.”
We both took a step forward. “My team? I did what? You take a rock to the head back there?”
“You! All of you! The Elements!” She waved one leg in a wide arc and started pacing. “One day we’re doing just fine putting on shows and occasionally doing little odd jobs for the Princess. Border reconnaissance, helping track down fleeing criminals, that sort of thing. The sort of work you’d expect a trained team of fliers to be good at. Safe work.” A lock of hair fell across her face, and she went crosseyed looking at it before blowing it to the side. “The next thing we know, some ancient ghost story comes true and you six are the biggest heroes of the last thousand years. The Princess decides that the Royal Guard can do our little jobs just fine and passes us off to her crazy battleaxe of a sister who’s got us watching the land at all hours of the night and fighting monsters like it’s still the dawn of Equestrian civilization!” She could get loud for being such a small mare.
“To be fair, it turned out that she really did found the Wonderbolts as a clandestine group of nighttime... problem solvers, way back when,” added Autumn. “‘The defenders who stand atop the sky’ was how she described them.” He smiled. Nimbus just rolled her eyes. “Rather poetic, I thought. The whole flying side of things evolved out of their training regimen.”
“And us chumps in the here and now who didn’t have the sense to quit are throwing our lives away for a worthless catchphrase and a princess who doesn’t know the meaning of the word volume,” Nimbus complained. “So yeah, thanks a lot. I think I would’ve preferred the eternal night.”
“Well... sorry?” What do you say to that? “I mean, I feel bad that I caused you guys problems, but it’s not like I had a choice either. And even if I did, I couldn’t just leave Equestria hangin’ when everypony needed me!”
Our eyes burned into each other, neither one of us willing to back down. She reminded me a little of Fluttershy when she was younger and didn’t feel like she could do anything, just with a lot more pent-up anger. “...No, you couldn’t.” She broke eye contact first and started pawing at the ground. Victory: Rainbow Dash. “It’s just so frustrating. How would you feel if you finally accomplished your dream of joining the Wonderbolts and a year later got told that if you weren’t comfortable facing down anything that might wander out of the Everfree, you should leave?”
“That’s basically what me and my friends do once in a while already, so I guess it wouldn’t really faze me.” That earned me another sour look. “Hey, Ponyville’s a pretty wild place.”
“Fine. Be a hero, then.” Nimbus turned away and flicked her tail at me. “Right now, I can’t say I’m too broken up that it’s too late to go chasing after a gang of pirates.”
“But it’s not too late,” said Red.
She stopped cold. “What.”
“Did you see how slowly their vessel was moving?” asked Autumn. “Our backup plan seems to have worked just as intended.”
“Would somepony please fill me in?” I asked. “I already know who you guys really are and what you do now, so do you think you could tell me what the hay you’re talking about for once?”
Autumn looked over to Red, who hesitated a moment before nodding. “Certainly! There are two important factors in play. The first is that they’ve abandoned their hideout, meaning that every single golden bit they’ve stolen is now onboard, and our best estimates are that they’ve amassed a very substantial pile. The second is that they took the bait we left out for them this morning.”
“Sabotage, eh? I like it!” I rubbed my hooves together for a moment, and then stopped when I realized I probably looked like one of those goofy, mustache-twirling stage villains. “What’d you get them to take, a bomb?”
“We thought about that, but if they didn’t go for the trap it would’ve resulted in an explosion in the middle of a crowded town square,” said Red.
“Oh.”
Red went on. “The short version is that Hoofington was selected to host next year’s Summer Sun Celebration, the first time they’ve had it in decades, and the whole town’s busy with a big beautification project to get ready.” I’d wondered what all the new decorations were for. The place used to be kind of a dump. “Stirrup’s had her griffons flying by every day for a while now to see if anything attractive went up. Since they were so interested, a certain anonymous donor financed the construction of a statue of Princess Celestia. It was unveiled early today.”
“And the pirates wanted it?”
“Given that it’s four times life size and made of solid gold, I should think so. There’s nothing else like it, even in Canterlot.” He kept glancing at Autumn too, I can’t believe I didn’t get the hint. If I was that super-rich, I’d just run my own shows all about me. Might start out a little slow without the Wonderbolts’ name, but I bet I could pack out the Cloudiseum within a week.
Something didn’t add up, though. “And your idea of a trap was to let them walk away with the biggest treasure in Equestria.”
“Precisely!” exclaimed Autumn.
“You wanna run that by me again?”
“Elementary physics, my dear.” I could feel myself falling asleep already. “No criminal mind could resist such a prize, both for the sheer monetary worth of the statue and the symbolic value of stealing the Princess herself.” He hesitated briefly. “Though I’m told they rather regrettably had to behead her to move it onboard. But Stirrup’s vessel has its limits, even being the marvelous, magnificent feat of engineering that it is, and her greed appears to far outweigh her ship’s ability to move it.”
“You could’ve just said she has too much gold in the hold.” Eggheads, honestly. Nimbus got caught somewhere between a sarcastic snort and a snicker and broke into a coughing fit.
“We were hoping to stop them in their hideout, but if that failed, we didn’t want them to get far,” said Red. “Just a matter of figuring out which direction they went. As long as they aren’t holed up somewhere else here in the Mistery range.”
I shook my head. “Nah. The rest of the Wonderbolts would be all over this place if you never came back, and maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think we were supposed to get away from being locked in back there.”
“Unlikely, true,” he said, tapping the side of his chin that wasn’t all crispy. “And they couldn’t possibly hide in the Peanut Plains on the other side. If they stayed out in the open for that long, a single unicorn throwing rocks could wear them down.”
“Which just leaves the Everfree,” I said, looking in its direction. “They’d risk getting blasted by lightning or attacked by... anything, but so would anypony crazy enough to go in after them.” Flying above the Everfree Forest isn’t quite as bad as walking through it, but you still never know what you’ll run into. Like a pack of gargoyles that anypony at all could’ve accidentally led back to Cloudsdale. I mean, could. Could lead back. Hypothetically.
“Well, it’s a good thing that—”
“Red, if you say it’s a good thing we’re crazy enough to go in, I swear I’m going to quit,” said Nimbus, who’d managed to get a hold of herself again.
“But we’ve still got a chance! We have to try,” he protested. That was the attitude I wanted to hear.
Nimbus didn’t look impressed. “Yeah, no. It’s not worth it. And according to regulations,” she said, wagging a hoof, “if you don’t have at least three members along, you can’t go in either, so I can at least save the two of you from yourselves.”
Red went quiet, looking like he couldn’t decide what to say. I caught his eye for a moment, though, and he came to a decision. “To be honest, you’re not the only one on the team who’s having second thoughts, and it’s my responsibility to go talk to the Princess about it if you’re not happy. I will, if you want me to.”
“Hmph. She’d probably just fire you,” Nimbus replied, “or banish you for treason. I hear the sun’s warm this time of year.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” he said, shrugging. “If you leave, that’ll probably tip most of the others over the edge too.” He started strolling over to her. “But I also think that if you and everypony else hated this so much, you would’ve all left with Feather and Shimmer back when they quit. Started your own team together. You’d be just as famous in no time at all, with that kind of lineup.” Nimbus’s jaw dropped open, like she couldn’t believe he’d suggested the idea. I couldn’t either, but I have to admit it’d be kinda cool for them to have a real rival team to compete against. The Hotwings just don’t cut it. “But instead, you’ve stuck with us this long, and I don’t believe you would have if you didn’t enjoy it on some level.”
She raised an eyebrow and leaned towards him. “I enjoy flying. I enjoy doing tricks, and seeing fans, and making ponies happy. Maybe you didn’t notice, but we just escaped an actual deathtrap. I do not enjoy deathtraps.” With her wings flared and her big, poofy mane, she could actually look bigger than she really was, like a cornered cat.
“I don’t either. But we did escape, right? The worst any of us got out of it is this burn,” he said, pointing to it, “and I did that to myself. After all that, we can’t give up now. It’s still dangerous, sure, but...” She didn’t look convinced. “Think of it like a performance. How many times have we said no to trying a move just because it was too risky?”
“Never, at least that I can think of,” Nimbus scoffed. “We wouldn’t be the Wonderbolts if we didn’t do... the risky moves...” If there’s anything that ties every stunt flier together, it’s that we’re all proud of our moves. And nopony has more to be proud of than a Wonderbolt.
“Do you get it yet?” he continued. “We fly tricks every day that would leave most pegasi who dared to try as a crater. Even before all this happened, we flirted with danger just because we could. Because we wanted to. That’s just the sort of ponies we are.”
“It’s not the same thing, though!” She didn’t sound so confident any more. “We don’t get any second chances doing this.”
Red started shifting his weight from hoof to hoof. “Well, when we’re flying tricks, we either get it right, screw up and try again, or we screw up really spectacularly, and at least then we went out trying. And I can count the number of really spectacular Wonderbolts screwups in history on my hooves, so I think the odds are in our favor.” He couldn’t use that line if another one ever happened.
Nimbus narrowed her eyes. “So... what, you’re saying that we shouldn’t worry about the consequences because we’re too good to fail? Is that it?”
He ran her answer through his head a couple times before responding. “Basically.”
“That’s insane.”
“Beats getting sick and tired of wondering whether or not I should believe in myself,” Red said with a shrug. “I spent most of the last year doing that, and today I realized that that’s not the kind of pony I want to be. If I start giving up just because I get scared, or don’t see an easy answer, I might as well quit the team too.”
“You’re insane.”
“I don’t think I am, but then I throw myself at the ground several times a day for a living, so what do I know?” He broke into what I think was supposed to be one of those suave, disarming grins, but he was trying too hard and looked like he was posing for a family picture instead.
I guess that was enough for Nimbus, though. Her face ran through a few different looks before she finally snorted and settled on a smile. “Alright, boss, knock it off.” He didn’t, but he did relax a little and stopped looking like such a dork. “You aren’t any better at that than Soarin’ is. I’ll tell him you tried, he’ll get a kick out of it.” I never did get used to seeing the Wonderbolts acting like normal ponies.
“And besides, if you didn’t come along I’d just deputize Rainbow Dash here to bring us back up to three.”
“Not while I’m still breathing, you won’t.”
“Hey!” Nimbus was still smiling, though, and I couldn’t stay mad. The Wonderbolts are all kinda weird, but I guess they’re my kinda weird. I’d had enough drama for one day, in any case. “Soooo, since everypony’s getting along again, how about that gang of pirates that’s getting away?” I couldn’t speak for the Wonderbolts, but I wanted some payback. And my crown back. It might’ve been a shiny piece of junk, but it was my shiny piece of junk.
“What’s the plan, boss?” asked Nimbus.
“Well, we’ve got to stop the ship, and the best way I can think of doing that is still to damage the balloon. It’ll be tough, though,” said Red.
“I can do that! They won’t know what hit ‘em!” Some of my tricks are good for more than just looking awesome.
“Would this be the Buccaneer Blaze maneuver you meant to show us earlier, by chance?” asked Autumn. “Quite apropos if so.”
“Yeah, I guess it is a pretty pro move.” Nimbus facehoofed for some reason. What do you mean you’re on her side, Twilight?
“I was more worried about the guards, but if you can take out the balloon yourself...” He trailed off, looking around at the three of us. “Yeah, that’ll work. We charge in and assault the deck, and Rainbow, you come in while they’re distracted and do your thing.”
“The three of us against all of them in the worst flying conditions in all of Equestria,” deadpanned Nimbus. “There’d better be some trick to this, or I’m going to reconsider quitting.”
“Sort of. Stirrup said she didn’t want our blood on her hooves, and I think she meant that more or less literally. She must have some sort of problem with her or her crew doing any killing personally, or it would’ve been Autumn’s body in that bag instead.” Autumn winced, like he didn’t want to consider the possibility. “Or she could’ve actually taken him along, like she said. Anything but leaving him bound and gagged with us. I’m betting they rough us up and toss us in the brig for now, and I’m told it’s none too secure at the moment. The guard won’t expect us to come right back through the door.” He clapped his hooves together to get the point across. “Then we’ll have time to escape, or sabotage it from the inside if we need to.”
“Don’t worry, you won’t,” I said.
He just smiled. “I’ll hold you to that, then. If everypony’s ready, let’s get going. Rainbow Dash, hang back a ways and do what you can to stay out of sight until the griffons are busy. After that, stop the ship for good. I don’t care how.” And just like that, we were off to take down Equestria’s most wanted criminal.
I was glad to get out of the Mistery Mountains, but the Everfree Forest isn’t exactly a step up. Nothing but dark clouds as far as I could see, not to mention the wind, which would’ve ripped me right out of the sky if I didn’t know exactly what I was doing out there. You didn’t have to be a weather pony to tell that this was shaping up to be one wild storm, even by Everfree standards. I could already hear branches being torn off the trees just below where the Wonderbolts were flying. They were having another conversation, but all I could catch were bits and pieces.
“—rush in first and yell—”
“—took those acting lessons—”
“—can she really—”
“—more dramatic than we’d expected—”
“—why she was here in the first place, right—”
Sounded like they were talking about one of those big stage shows where they sing everything in Fancy. I guess when you live in Canterlot, that’s the sort of thing you do in your spare time. I never got the appeal.
I went and pushed through to the top side of the clouds just to make sure the pirates weren’t trying to sail above the storm, but I didn’t see anything, so I slipped back down. Maybe the ship was too heavy to fly that high. Then the lightning started up. Real lightning, not the wimpy little sparks you get when a pegasus kicks a cloud, and not even the kind we make in a controlled thunderstorm. These were completely wild thunderbolts, the kind that split the air in two and light up the world like it’s daytime. The thunder itself sounded like a roaring monster, angry that anypony had dared enter its home. The only good news was that the bolts were so powerful, I could feel them coming. I had to wonder if the pirates were good enough to avoid getting blasted out of the sky. And if they were, well, that’s where I came in.
It turned out that I was right, again. Most of the forest was to the south, and we’d been flying that way for a while when one of the big flashes of lightning revealed the ship not too far above the trees, inching along.
Showtime.
The Wonderbolts took off straight for the ship, two of them trailing smoke and all three yelling their heads off. The griffons hovering around the ship moved into position to intercept them, leaving the top side wide open. Perfect. I started dolphin diving through the clouds to keep out of sight as much as I could without losing track of everypony. Flying through them tingled. The top of the balloon was still empty when I got there, and it sounded like the fight had just broken out below.
“Attack! We’re under attack!”
“All paws and claws on deck right now or I’ll beat you silly myself!”
The ship stopped moving, but the Wonderbolts couldn’t last forever. They were risking themselves so I could get this done, and no way was I going to let them down now. If they wanted me to stop a whole ship by myself, then that was exactly what they were gonna get.
The three of them hit the deck before the griffons could catch up. “You killed her! She didn’t have anything to do with us and your stupid troll killed her!” Never thought I’d hear Nimbus get into a brawl over my own death, but stranger things had already happened.
“You should be glad it was just her! I delivered the four of you to that worthless rock on a platter!” Captain Stirrup sounded mad. Good. The longer she stayed distracted, the more time I had.
The reason no weather pony likes dealing with Everfree clouds is that they go down fighting. Flying through them isn’t too bad, but destroying them is something else. You kick a regular cloud, it disappears. You kick an Everfree cloud, it kicks back with some kind of magic sting that lingers for while even after the cloud’s gone. And to pull off my trick, I needed to break off a piece of the completely solid cloud layer. But what the hay, my head still hurt and my front legs were still sore, might as well let my back legs join in the fun too. As long as I had my wings, I could take on anything.
“Okay Rainbow, you can do this. Just gotta kick open a ring around one section and grab it before the hole seals up. In the worst conditions anywhere in Equestria. Piece of cake.” Another thunderbolt crashed down right as I finished, like the storm was daring me to bring it on. I don’t back down from dares, even from wild, magic weather. I figured four kicks would weaken the middle enough for me to rip off the part I needed.
First kick. “Ow!” That stuff was all bark and all bite.
Second kick. I had to grit my teeth to keep from yelling again, but I knew what to expect then.
Third kick. “Give it up, boy blue! You can’t win on your own.” Uh-oh. That didn’t take long.
Fourth kick. “The name’s Red, actually. Common mistake.” He just had to stall a little longer...
I grabbed the central section I was after and pulled, but the dumb thing wouldn’t come off! I drifted back to see what was wrong, and the first hole was already closing. Not good. The lightning taunted me again, a little closer than before.
Fifth kick, this one to the spot between the first and second holes. I could hear somepony getting punched down below. It should’ve been easy to pull away the center by then, but I was definitely feeling less than awesome after getting zapped that much. The three tethers left were still too much to tear apart.
The sixth kick wasn’t even strong enough for the cloud to strike back, never mind break up. “Good work. Take them away. And get those stupid suits off, I’m tired of looking at them.” It sounded like Red was right about the captain after all. I guess even evil ponies have some standards. But now the Wonderbolts were down and I hadn’t even started my trick yet! Time for Plan B. There was one other lesson I’d learned in flight school, and that seemed like the time to try it out. I went back topside, going high enough that my little ring of holes looked tiny compared to the rest of the storm. A deep breath in, a deep breath out—and then I stopped flying.
That was the only time I ever meant to do it, but I like to think I’ve gotten really good at slamming into things over the years. Trees, doors, walls, ground, water, other ponies, market stalls that Applejack can’t prove were all my fault—you name it, I’ve hit it. A wimpy little cloud like that didn’t stand a chance. The magic backlash from hitting it spread eagle almost knocked me out, sure, but I think that’s kind of like snake venom or being around Pinkie, you start going immune to it after a while. The important thing was that I’d finally gotten a big ball of cloud I could use. That was the hard part over with, as long as the ship kept staying still.
“Get moving before we’re blown out of the sky, you idiots!”
Okay, all I had to do was pull off a high risk trick over a moving target in rough winds with lightning bolts crashing down closer by the minute. Not a problem. I don’t have to do the Blaze perfectly to make it work, it’s just more likely to go off before I’m ready if I don’t. And it sorta involves making a cloud explode. See, what you have to do is take a ball of cloud that’s full of lightning and start flying rings around it in every possible direction as fast as you can, staying close enough to drag a wingtip through the outer edge the whole time. That agitates all the lightning in the cloud, but because you’re mixing it up evenly it doesn’t have anywhere to escape. Once that’s done you give it a good swift kick, and then you’ve got about a second to hightail it before the whole thing goes off like some sort of bomb. Mix it too slowly or too unevenly and all that lightning goes out through you. And if you don’t fly away fast enough, you get added to a list of names that’s supposed to discourage pegasi from trying stuff like that, since that’s all that’s left to remember you by.
There might’ve been an easier way to stop the ship, but I wanted to do it right.
I gave the ball a good shove in the direction the pirates were headed and went to work. Sky turned into ground, and then the whole world became a blur. It takes a lot of concentration to keep flying in tight circles like that for very long, and I had to dig my wing in a little deeper now and then to keep the wind from blowing it off course. Luckily, all I got was the tingly feeling from flying through an Everfree cloud instead of a hard bite that would’ve sent me spiraling to the ground. And yeah, there were some strong gusts that almost knocked me away, but I’m not this year’s best young flier for nothing.
It took about about half a minute of the most careful flying I’d ever done in my life to catch up with the ship. Kind of a shame nopony was around to see it, ‘cause it would’ve been a great trick even without the big finish. If there was going to be one at all. I should’ve been able to feel the charge bursting at the seams, waiting to be released, but it didn’t seem any different from when I’d started. Lousy thing couldn’t even explode right after all the trouble I went to. I kept flying, just in case it decided to get with the program, but things weren’t looking good.
Everything had gone pretty quiet down below, except for Captain Stirrup talking to herself. “I knew they were clueless, but I didn’t think they were honestly foalish enough to attack us.” I was starting to wonder about that myself. Two bolts of lightning came down in a row, one after the other, like the storm was laughing at how helpless I was. “What did they possibly expect to accomplish?” I’d tried to show off and be fancy instead of doing it the easy way. That was my mistake, and I’d ruined everything because of it. I’d failed the Wonderbolts. “It was hopeless!” You said it, sister.
...no. No, what was I thinking? It was never hopeless, or everything else I’d said and done that day was a lie. If this way didn’t wanna work, I’d just have to make something else work. “I don’t like it. Get back on guard!” Uh oh. Okay, so the gig was almost up. I could already hear the griffons’ wingbeats over my own. Time to think fast.
“What’s that?” one of them asked.
“It’s a pony!” Busted.
“Captain, there’s a pony! And she’s doing... something!”
“I knew it! Stop her, now!”
I finally stopped flying, and realized a little too late that I was gonna need a moment to tell which way was up again. For some reason the cloud was still swirling around all on its own, even though it should’ve started breaking down almost as soon as it didn’t have me to keep its shape together. Weird, but useless. At least they’d stopped the ship again, too.
The griffons were flying in, but they were being cautious. Maybe I could use that. “I’m only gonna tell you guys once, you don’t wanna be anywhere near here in a few seconds.”
One of them kept coming forward and sneered. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, throw your little cloud at me?”
“Nope. I’m just gonna keep flying right here, and then I’m gonna do this.” I craned my head upwards, or at least what felt like up, and paused just long enough to convince myself that I wasn’t completely crazy. If the Everfree was the kind of place I thought it was, this would work. I hoped. “Hey! Stupid storm! Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you! Got a problem with that?”
The griffons all busted out laughing. Well, fine. I was a crazy pony yelling at the clouds. Let ‘em laugh.
“Bet you didn’t like having a piece of you torn out, huh?”
“She’s—she’s completely bonkers! Nuttiest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“So what’s the matter, can’t hit a single little pegasus?”
The laughter died off. “Alright, c’mon, miss, that’s enough of that.”
“Yeah, that’s right! I’m not scared of you!” I was, however, starting to feel more than a little silly.
“I said come on, you barmy mare!”
“Gimme your best shot! Right here! Right now!”
“Get her!”
One of the griffons got his claws on me and started dragging me away. I only had one last chance. I blew a raspberry at the sky. “That’s what I think of you, you stupid raincloud!”
The wind stopped.
“W—What was that?” They definitely weren’t laughing now. I couldn’t help grinning.
“Oh, now you’re listening! Is that all you’ve got? I’ve seen tougher spring showers!”
Thunder roared across the forest without any lightning.
“Shut up! Make her shut up!” I bucked the griffon holding me off before he actually could.
“Hah! So much for the big, bad Everfree Forest! I can make tougher storms than you!”
Every single hair I had stood on end. Time to go. The griffons were too spooked to stop me. “She’s some kind of weather witch!”
Hey, can’t say I didn’t warn them. I got out of there before I got deep-fried and turned back to watch the fireworks. The ship was either gonna explode, catch on fire, or at least break in half, and I didn’t wanna miss it. There was a blinding bright flash, and I could feel the air being pushed out of the way by the bolt. Everything was perfect.
Except the stupid ball of Everfree cloud ate the lightning.
And then nothing happened.
“Hah! Your spell didn’t work, witch!” yelled one of the griffons. Gee, thanks, I hadn’t noticed.
“What was that supposed to be, Rainbow?”
I’ll admit, that time I screamed. Three pegasi I’d never seen before had gotten behind me, and somehow they knew my name. There was a turquoise stallion, a gray stallion, and a cream mare.
I will never, ever get used to seeing the Wonderbolts out of costume. “You guys made it!”
“Just barely. Apparently Autumn’s acid didn’t to squat to the cell door,” said Red, who looked like he’d picked up a black eye to match his black cheek. “So we had to buck our way straight through a weak spot in the hull instead. We didn’t have the chance to do anything inside, unfortunately.”
Autumn hung his head. “I’m terribly ashamed that I failed to notice it was a nickel-iron alloy. Such an amateur’s mistake, that.” Still weird.
Nimbus turned on me next, her pink eyes narrowed to slits. “You had one job, Rainbow, just one.”
“I... I know. I’ve been trying, I swear, but everything keeps going wrong!” I hated having to explain myself to her, but she was right.
She didn’t get the chance to make me feel any worse. “Captain, the Wonderbolts got free!” I’d actually managed to forget about the pirates for a moment. Even if it was the four of us against just the four griffons, I didn’t know if we had the strength left to take them on.
“Then bring them back in!” They didn’t need to be told twice. The hippogriff lingered by the ball for a little longer, though. She finally shrugged and gave it a little kick for good measure before she turned to go.
It started glowing.
The light was pure white at first, but it was getting darker by the second without losing any of its brightness. And as it got darker, thunder began rumbling louder and louder.
“What’s going on up there? Why is everything purple?” yelled Stirrup.
“I—I, well, there’s this ball, and it’s, uh—”
“Stop babbling!”
“Magic! Big magic!”
“WHAT?” The griffons all ran for it. I couldn’t tell which they were more scared of, the ball or Stirrup.
All we could do was hang in the air and watch. A bunch of the crew had come up on deck to find out what all the light was. The captain was yelling something, probably for them to get the ship out of there, but no one was listening. Some of the really scared ones were already jumping off the side to the trees below.
“Rainbow?” asked Red, keeping his eyes on the light.
“Yeah?”
“What did you do?” The ball went past purple and straight on to some eerie, vivid black light.
“I was trying to blow up a cloud to blow up the balloon. And when that didn’t work, I tricked the storm into attacking me. And then that happened,” I said, pointing a hoof at the light like they hadn’t noticed it yet. “Also, it turns out you shouldn’t do tricks with Everfree clouds. Like, ever.” If it even was still a cloud, which I couldn’t be sure about.
“Couldn’t you have just grabbed a good sharp stick to poke a hole with?” asked Nimbus. She had to yell to be heard over the rumbling thunder.
“Not my style!” Not when I could maybe cause the end of the world instead, anyway.
I don’t know how to describe what it turned into next, except that it was some sort of magical un-light that made me feel like I was at the bottom of the ocean and under the noon sun at the same time, and that I never want to feel like that again. I was getting the prickly feeling of incoming lightning, too. That was it. I’d done everything I could, and whatever was going to happen next was out of my hooves. I tried to yell at Red, but I guess he couldn’t hear me, so tapped him on the shoulder instead and pointed away. He got the hint, and together the four of us sped off.
What happened next is kind of fuzzy, but I remember there was one last flash of lightning somewhere behind us, and then the feeling of being sucked backwards for a second. I looked back just long enough to see the clouds start vaporizing around the ship in a world without color, and then the shockwave hit us and we all went flying, completely out of control.
My vision was all blurry when I woke up, but I felt like I was in a tree. From the sounds of things, I didn’t want to be flying right then anyway. Off in the distance I could hear wood snapping, thunder rolling, and lots of voices screaming in terror. Yeah, hanging out in a tree for a while was fine.
When I stopped seeing spots, I noticed that the sky was completely clear, like there had never been a storm at all. Red was still recovering in a tree of his own nearby, staring at the rising moon. He looked exhausted, but... satisfied. Autumn was picking through the pile of gold and wood that used to be the ship. It didn’t look like there was as much wreckage as there should have been. A lot of the trees in the area were cut off smoothly halfway up the trunk, too. That was definitely not how the Blaze was supposed to go, but I couldn’t argue with results.
Nimbus was in the air, watching the last few straggling pirates run off, and I flew up to her just to have somepony to talk to. “Okay, not half bad,” she said. “A little more exciting than I would’ve liked, but I think it’s safe to say we’ve seen the last of them.”
“And you wanted to quit.”
“Yeah, well, I guess if I can survive a catastrophe like this, maybe Red had a point. I’ll be glad to get back to something peaceful and quiet though, like wrestling manticores.” She was smiling, whether she realized it or not.
“Heh. So, when do I get my invitation to the Wonderbolts?”
“Don’t push your luck. If today was a test, you wouldn’t exactly pass with flying colors. Even in spite of your hair.” I got tired of that joke in the first month of flight school.
“Oh, come on.”
She held out a hoof. “I wasn’t done yet. You screwed up some, but we made plenty of our own mistakes. Some of them you saw, and some of them you didn’t. And...” She looked down for a moment, but turned back to me in the end. “I’m sorry I hit you, if that helps.”
She looked sincere without the mask and the goggles, even if she was still being a mysterious pain in the flank. “It does. Thanks.” Compared to everything else that ached, my head didn’t even feel that bad any more.
“And who knows? We’ve still got an open spot, and we could do worse than a talented mare with some ego and impulsiveness issues to work out.”
Yes.
“By the way,” she went on, scanning the woods, “I don’t suppose you’ve seen Stirrup crawling away down there, have you? We can call this a success as is, but it’d be even better if we could bring her in. We’ve got a show tomorrow, and I’ve got a feeling we’ll be stuck spending all our free time after it searching the countryside if she doesn’t turn up.”
I flew a quick loop around the crash site. Autumn was busy ranting about what a terrible loss to the knowledge of Equestrian aviation the wreck was, and how he’d have to build one of his own. Red was sorting through the treasure, and apparently he’d found my crown stuck underneath Princess Celestia’s head. It was a little bent out of shape, but still in one piece. No other ponies, though. If Stirrup hadn’t been vaporized in the blast, she was long gone.
In the end, all we turned up was a black, three-cornered hat.
“And then the Wonderbolts said their goodbyes and I went to the party you guys threw for me. The end.”
Silence reigned momentarily, save for Spike’s snoring.
“And you told all that to the fillies,” said Twilight, more statement than question.
“Yep. Well, sorta,” Dash amended. “They got the short version. Y’know, me saving the Wonderbolts from the deadly smoke cloud, me beating up the troll, me blowing up an entire pirate ship by myself, the stuff they’d actually listen to. I figured you’d want to hear everything.”
“Great story, Rainbow Dash!” exclaimed Pinkie. “But you know what you need? A camera!”
“So I could take pictures of all the awesome things I did?”
Pinkie bounced in place. “No, silly, so you could show me the giant balloon! Oh, and all your new Wonderbolt friends! Promise me we’ll get to meet them sometime?”
Dash chuckled. “Sure thing, Pinkie. They’re kinda busy, though. I haven’t heard from them yet.” Having satisfied Pinkie with the promise, she turned to her other friend. “You’ve got that look again, Twi.”
Twilight would’ve raised an eyebrow, had they not both been up already. “Do I? I can’t imagine why. After all, it makes perfect sense that you can blow up a cloud, or taunt a thunderstorm, or discover some sort of light beyond light. What would I possibly have to complain about?”
“Hah!” Rainbow Dash leapt to her hooves. “You can doubt me all you want, but the Wonderbolts let me keep the hat. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll go get it!” Without waiting for a response, she left.
“Bye Dashie!”
“Yeah, I don’t think so. If it’s that big of a deal, she can show it to us later.” The unicorn stood up, momentarily displacing the figure at her side. “Spike? Spiiiike?” The dragon she knew as her companion, assistant, and at times like these, little brother, remained asleep. “Huh. I guess I’ll leave him alone,” she said with a fond smile, magically lifting him to her back. “You wanna come with me to Rarity’s place, Pinkie Pie?”
“Do I!”
Together, the trio went home.
“...and I like her stories, and just yesterday she promised to help me with my flying. That’s why Rainbow Dash is my hero. The end.” The decidedly unenthusiastic pegasus filly began walking back to her seat.
“That’s much better, Scootaloo!” cheered Cheerilee. “And I’m glad to hear she’s channeling your time together into more productive activities.”
“Yeah, it’s gonna be great!” exclaimed Scootaloo, briefly energized. Her grin quickly fizzled back into a frown, however, as she recalled exactly why she’d had to rewrite the paper in the first place. “Did you go talk to her?”
“Yes, enough to tell that she’s as full of hot air as ever.”
Scootaloo’s face fell further. “I... yeah. I asked if I could see the hat again, and she said she couldn’t find it. Or her competition crown.”
“Fancy that. Well then, everypony pull out your math textbooks...”
Three fillies walked down a road. Two held their heads high, but one hung low.
“So Rainbow Dash was just spinnin’ a yarn after all, huh Scootaloo?” asked Apple Bloom.
Scootaloo’s pace lagged behind that of her friends, a slow, rock-kicking gait compared to their trot. “Apparently. I sure thought it was real, but I guess even she doesn’t get to be that cool.”
“I still liked it, even if it was just a story,” squeaked Sweetie Belle.
“I know. It’s just not the same.” The pegasus let out a long sigh, one that was a bit too old for her age.
They continued on in uncharacteristic silence, uncertain of what to say.
The three friends were just rounding the library tree when a set of powerful wingbeats broke the tension. “Apple Bloom! There you are, I’ve been lookin’ all over for you!” Scootaloo’s head jerked up.
“Uh, yeah? I’ve sorta been in school all day, Rainbow.”
“Oh, right. Anyway, where’s your sister? I’ve been all over Sweet Apple Acres, but I can’t find her anywhere! It’s kind of important.”
“She an’ Big Macintosh hit the road this mornin’ to take a big cartload ‘a apples over to Hoofington. What’s the rush?”
“Well... can you girls keep a secret?” Three heads nodded vigorously, and she leaned closer. “I know a couple of guys in this group who might be looking for an expert on apples, because somepony might have stolen Princess Celestia’s one and only golden apple tree.” As one, the girls gasped.
“Really? You mean it?” asked Scootaloo.
“As far as I’m supposed to tell you? No.” A wink and a grin betrayed the truth. “Thanks, gotta go, see ya!” There was the rush of wings, and then she was gone.
As they stared at the rainbow streak in the distance, a broad smile steadily grew across one filly’s face. “I take it back.
“Rainbow Dash is awesome.”