//------------------------------// // Needs more sarcasm // Story: when slenderman left me in paradise // by Jimbob //------------------------------// [Knight] {My response} Oh fuck yeah I was having that dream again. You know how you can have the same dream multiple times? Or is that just me? Anyway I was having my favorite dream again (no not that kind) it was the one were I had wings. It was night and the sky was a dark shade of purple with the exception of a full moon. I always start out looking down at people from a roof of a church and then I just jump. The first time I had this dream I was sure that I would hit the ground and wake up but instead two massive wings unfurl from my back. The wings are pitch black and as long as my body. I smile because I know what’s coming next. I soar above the clouds and level out just happy to see the stars and moon with the cold wind rushing over my face. Sadly like all good things my dream is coming to an end. I wake up with a sleepy smile on my face. I would have to figure out a way to fly like that. Maybe once I meet Pinkie Pie she’ll take me up in her hot air balloon. As I get out of bed I stretch out my back and officially decided that hospital beds were the most uncomfortable beds no matter what the dimension. My entire back feels like it caved in on itself. I trudge to the bathroom and decide it would probably be best to take a shower and wash all the grime off me. Come to think of it I wonder what the princess thought of my looks, I was not in mint condition when she saw my. Oh well first impressions already over and she hadn’t sent me to the moon so I suppose it wasn’t that bad. I decide to chance a look in the mirror. Ok face is still in one piece just a bit of dirt and grime. Hairs looking pretty greasy, chest is fine, legs are sore, back …….. WHAT THE FUCK!? Wings, I have fucking wings, not just any fucking wings the exact same one from my dream. {KNIGHT WAKE THE HELL UP!!} [AHH! WHAT THE FUCK I WAS STILL SLEEPING?!] {DID YOU DO THIS?!} [What the wings?] {No the fucking the color scheme OF COURSE THE FUCKING WINGS!} [No clue] {THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NO CLUE? YES OR NO!} [Well I specifically remember the dream of flying and how kickass it was and wish that I had some wings] {That was my dream bro} [We share the same body and I live in your mind, is it really that hard to believe that we shared a dream?] {Okay pretending that we did share the dream still doesn’t answer how the fuck I got wings} [I don't know] {You are so useless} [HEY! I make a mean Zippo] {Zippo replica that works on magic ergo not a Zippo} [Oh sure blame the demon for the wings sprouting from your back] {Whatever, I have always wanted wings and these wings are pretty sweet} [There you go situation settled quit bitching] I took a quick shower, and threw my clothes back on. I couldn’t help but notice that my shirt was killing my wings. Note to self: get Rarity to make wing holes (sleeves?) for me when I meet her. I took off my shirt and trench coat and started looking for something I could put them in. Unfortunately I wasn’t lucky enough to find any backpacks just lying around and decided to just carry them till I got to….. Where was I even going I had only met Twilight and she said she would be back later today so that left me with a grand total of two people who I had met and I was pretty sure the princess wasn’t going to show up and just offer me a house. [Would be pretty sweet if she had though] {Damn straight} Luckily I didn’t have to wait long as I heard somepony knocking on the door. “Nobody’s home” Of course that didn’t stop Twilight from coming in and giving me an annoyed stare. {And wait for it….} “Wait when did you get wings?!” {Ha knew it I’m going to start betting on these things} [With who? I don’t have anything of value left] {Oh that’s right I already have your dignity} [Oh sure make fun of the voices in your head that’s sane] {Never stopped me before} “This morning I think” “You think?” she was giving me that look; you know the one that say’s ‘I do so hope you enjoy padded rooms and coloring for the rest of eternity’. Well padded rooms are pretty comfy but coloring? Please I am a master of MS paint and will not be thrown out in the gutter like a beggar. Uh oh I spent too long talking to myself and she staring. Quick come up with something witty! “Snausage” oh yeah king of witty right here. “Ummm what?” “Nothing anyway I woke up with them” “You woke up with the wings?” the look was coming back “Ok first for all you know I can do this at will, I am an alien, second I don’t know how it happened, third I think it’s pretty sweet to be honest, and fourth if you give me the ‘send him to the mental hospital’ look one more time I will ensure that there a good reason that I will be spending the rest of my life coloring with wax crayons, you got it?” maybe I came of a little harsh but I can’t stand new people giving me that look. “Sorry” she sounded guilty; great now I feel guilty for making her feel guilty. Goddamn you feelings fucking with my evil plans! (Insert evil laugh here). “Don’t worry about it I just get that look too often sorry about snapping at you” “It’s fine its just I saw you yesterday and you didn’t have wings and *poof* all of a sudden you have wings” “And a smart-ass mouth don’t forget the important things here” this time her look was like she was trying to pierce my body with evil thoughts yeah good luck with that. “Well I’m done here” “What?!” she seemed more surprised that need be I mean, it not like I won the lottery or anything just leaving the hospital. [Do they even have a lottery here?] {Good question} “Do you guys have lottery here?” “WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!” {Guess so} [Sweet lets just spend all our money on the lottery] {This conversation seems familiar…. oh wait that’s right we had it but it was about muffins last time which still leads us to the conclusion that we had no cash!} [Good point] “Oh you know just talking to myself anyway let’s go!” I opened the door and headed in the hallway till I reached the cafeteria and look for an exit sign. “Wrong way” “I knew that I simply had to test you good job! You pass!” By this time I’m pretty sure she just wishing I had been taken to prison which is a real shame considering I think see won’t hate me with such a burning passion once she gets to know me. “Lead the way” Hope she know the way out otherwise I’m going all horror movie on her saying I saw shit moving and weird noises. I wonder if ponies ever had really good horror movies probably not I’d have to change that…… then again maybe not I don’t think ponies would like scary movies as much as humans do. Maybe if I avoided making movies like SAW and Hostel I would get places. “Ok you need to sign out” she handed me a quill “Well the thing about that is I have all of no cash” “Luckily for you Princess Celestia already took care of the bill since you new to Equestria” well great now I felt like a lazy mooch. After signing a half dozen various papers I calmly put down the quill turned around and ran straight out the doors screaming “FREEEEEDOMMM!!!” And of course I trip and fell flat on my face. “Ground! Fancy meeting you here!” although I’m pretty sure it came out something like “ARRRRRRRGGHHH” I got up and dusted myself of as Twilight came walking out the door. “Are all humans like you?” “Nah your just lucky I’m one of the more boring ones” oh god the look on her face. “Kidding! I’m a bit strange all around” strange doesn’t even begin to describe my actions but it’s a good start. “Ok so where are we going now?” “I suppose I’ll show you around Ponyville and introduce you to my friends” Sweet three days here and I’m being given a tour of Ponyville from Twilight herself. “Lead the way” I said while executing a perfect gentleman’s bow. Hope they got good grub in Ponyville. Oh who am I kidding of course they will.