//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4 - Two Background Ponies and a Princess 
// Story: Two Background Ponies Go On An Adventure 
// by Piccolo Sky 
//------------------------------//

The two ponies ended up going as fast and far as they dared. They had a head start on the police, and they needed to use it. After all, they had no idea if they were being called in or not. And so, as the hours went by, they went further and deeper into the city. They stuck to the bad parts of town, places with few police officers which were more secluded and down the more forgotten streets. They stayed away from whatever groups, radios, and newsstands that they could manage, and kept running to and past sundown, until they seemed to be far from both light and pony contact.
Only when that happened did the two ponies, tired, hungry, exhausted, and now both panicked at the knowledge that they had to be the most wanted individuals in the city, if not this half of Equestria, moved to a mostly empty parking lot that featured cracked and overgrown pavement. There was one lone street lamp, but because of the glare and the distance from the road, no one would easily tell what was there.
Once stopped, the two began to unhitch themselves, panting and near collapse. Carl’s eyes were lidded as he stepped out. “Dude…I can’t go any farther… We’re going to have to find some place to sleep tonight…and some food at least. I swear, I won’t complain this time, even if we go to ‘Speedy’s’-”
However, Carl was cut off as a hoof slammed into his head. He winced in pain.
“Ow!” He snapped to Sam. “What the Hell, man?”
Sam glared at him angrily through his own strained expression.
“…What the Hell? What the Hell?! It wasn’t bad enough that we got the Vices out to turn us into lawn jockeys, the police wanting to nail our asses in two different ways, and the fact that I have a hole dug so deep with Dawn I’ll be lucky if she is willing to look at me through plate glass after this is done, was it?! You had to commit kidnapping, didn’t you?! And you couldn’t even pick some damn bum or reporter?! You had to grab the princess!”
“I just saved our asses back there!” Carl retorted, just as angrily. “What the Hell were we supposed to do? Let them take us to prison for 24 hours of a bad porno before the Vices sent in some assassin to kill us?! I panicked and I did what I could…which is more than what you did!”
Sam just scowled and began to move to the back of the wagon. “…Let’s just get her out of there before she decides to banish us into the moon for 1,000 years. I pray to Celestia you didn’t get any of that crap in her mouth. I haven’t heard her move for two hours…”
Carl snorted and began to move to the back as well. “Relax, dude. She just fell asleep, I’m sure. Wagon rides always put me to sleep as a foal.”
“…I’m pretty sure you didn’t have the fact that you were kidnapped ‘keeping you up’, Carl.” Sam grumbled. “Hurry up and get the keys out…” He looked to the trunk next. “Princess? Are you in there?”
No response.
“Princess…” Sam began in a milder tone. “Listen…I’m really sorry about all this… We’re not really bad ponies and we just panicked back there… Tell her, Carl.”
“Yeah…all that ranting about being a homicidal maniac…that’s not me at all. I have OCD, yeah, but not that stuff. I have some anxiety issues…fixation…possibly Asperger’s…occasional violent mood swings…and there was that one time I tried to set a stable on fire when I was eight…”
“Thank you, Carl.” Sam snapped. “The point is…this was really just a misunderstanding and we didn’t mean for this to happen… We’re not going to hold you for ransom…we’re not going to hurt you…but we’d prefer if you didn’t run to the police right now about what we did because we’re in a pretty bad situation.” He paused and inhaled. “Alright…we’re going to let you out now.” He looked to Carl. “Let her out.”
“Hang on, man…I’m still trying to find the key.”
Sam frowned, but waited a few more seconds. Carl continued to go over the keys. “…Well?”
“I said I’m getting it!”
“Come on, man!”
“Look, all these keys look the same!”
“Would you hurry up? I’m getting nervous that she’s not saying anything!”
“Alright, alright! I got it!”
Finally, Carl leaned over with the key, put it in the lock, and gave a turn. The hitch popped, and the door flew open…
Before the two could even fully look inside, two pinkish-purple blasts of energy shot out from inside and blasted them both square in the face. A combination of sting power and force knocked both ponies to the ground on their backsides, and had them grabbing for their faces and bellowing in agony.
“Gaaah!”
“Ow! You crazy purple bitch!”
“Damnit, stop calling her that, Carl!”
“What the hell am I supposed to say when I get shot in the face?! ‘Thank you ma’am, may I please have another'?!”
As for the now-open trunk, Twilight, her hooves almost numb from being cramped in so long, began to drag herself out as best as she could to try and break for it. But as she got out, she immediately started to scream.
“Help! Help! I’ve been kidnapped! Call the police!”
On hearing this, both Sam and Carl snapped upward. In spite of their pain, both of them immediately ran for her before she could get out. “Wait a second! I told you it was a misunderstanding! Let us ex-”
Sam was cut off as a hoof smashed him in the face. As for Carl, Twilight snapped her head out and poked him in the eye with her horn and, while he was uttering curses, her other hoof lashed out and nailed him in the nether region to the tune of a loud crunch. He let out a cry that fainted into a whine before he went down again. “That…was still…healing…!” He croaked between clenched teeth.
Twilight, in spite of not being fully recovered, leapt out of the trunk on her unsteady hooves and tried to run. “Help! Police! Pol-”
Sam, sore, and with his nose bleeding again, had no choice but to suddenly lunge out and grab Twilight, using the force of his larger body to tackle her to the ground. Even then, she struggled to drag herself free and wriggle out, forcing him to clench his teeth through his own pain and hold on tight.
“Let me go!” She cried.
“Stop yelling!” Sam shouted back. “I told you, we aren’t trying to kidnap you!”
“Yeah right! You were just giving me the ‘suite’ in that trunk, weren’t you?”
“I told you it’s a misunderstanding! I’ll explain if you just calm down a moment!”
“I’m not about to listen to you when you stick an old syringe in my mouth filled with poison and then lock me in a trunk for five hours! If I didn’t know that penicillin spell, I don’t want to think of what I’d have right now!”
“Just calm down for five-“
Sam was cut off as Twilight tore a hoof free long enough to smash him in the face. She got free for a moment and went to her feet…only for Sam to groan and quickly leap forward and tackle her again in a tumble. The two rolled for a bit, before landing in a position with Sam pinning Twilight down. He paused for a moment, realizing he had the edge on her.
However, that ended quickly when Twilight frowned, before her horn ignited. A moment later…Sam looked up in surprise as his nose suddenly turned into a rabid squirrel, who foamed at the mouth, quivered, and twitched for a few seconds, before looking around and spotting Sam. Giving a fearsome roar, it suddenly pounced on Sam’s own head and, while still attached, began to claw and bite at it. Sam soon grabbed for his eyes and began to backpedal off of Twilight, allowing her to snap up again. Not wasting anymore time, she unfurled her wings and began to take off into the air…
She didn’t get far, though. Carl, grumbling and getting to his hooves again, reached inside the trunk while still swearing, pulled out a four-ended wagon wheel iron, and then flung it like a shuriken at her. The iron tool struck her in a wing, and she gave out a cry of pain before immediately falling to the ground and crash landing in a pile of garbage cans. The impact seemed to both hurt and stun her, leaving her immobile for a moment.
It also undid the spell on Sam, making the squirrel poof back into a nose. The blue stallion blinked a few times, shaking his head and wiping at claw marks, before he looked around and noticed what happened. Carl, on his part, grumbled one more time before beginning to hobble toward Twilight. After a moment, Sam snapped to him.
“Dude, would you stop assaulting her?!”
Carl grit his teeth. “Right now…she’s just lucky my aim is so bad, man… I was going for her head… Royalty or no, no one nails me in the balls after that eel treatment… Just get her before she gets away or uses another spell on us…”
Sam rolled his eyes, but, having no other choice, quickly began to rush up to Twilight along with Carl. The purple alicorn began to drag herself out of the garbage, but wasn’t able to fly again, and before she could even get up both jumped on top of her and pinned her. Immediately, she tried to cry out again, but Carl quickly stifled her. Soon, both were struggling to hold the alicorn down…not easy as her powerful wings kept going up and smacking them repeatedly.
After getting hit one time, Carl yelped. “Ow! F***, man! Those things really can break a bone!”
“Damnit, this just keeps getting worse!” Sam cursed as a wing smacked him in the eye.
“Just help me get her back in the trunk, man!”
“Carl, we can’t keep her in there forever!”
“Well until she calms down and listens to us, that’s what I’m doing! I’m definitely not putting her in the seat! Because, bad part of town or not, we’re making a scene! We’ll have ponies accusing us of sexual assault before long!”
Sam groaned. “But how are we supposed to get her in there, man?! She’s kicking and fighting too much!”
“Look…just hold her down for a f-********************CK!”
The green stallion turned into a yell as Twilight managed to get her broad teeth free enough to clamp down on his hoof.





About forty-five minutes later, Sam and Carl, both sore and injured now in addition to tired and hungry, slowly walked down the road back toward their condo. They had made hasty dressings over their worse injuries, although it still looked like both of them had gone 15 rounds with the world heavyweight champion. In spite of that, they were in a somewhat better and more relaxed mood. As they walked a bit further, Sam looked behind him into the wagon, and then back up to Carl.
“…She hasn’t made any noise in a while. You think she finally calmed down?”
Carl frowned and shook his head. “I wouldn’t bet on it. She looked like was ‘playing possum’ last time…”
Sam again looked behind him, then back to Carl. “…You sure? She went into the trunk the second time easy enough, all things considered. How’d you get her to stop trying to fly away, anyway?”
“Salt.”
“…Huh?”
“Table salt, dude. Everyone knows you can keep a pegasus from flying by sprinkling salt on their wings. Gets between the feather bristles and they can’t lock together. They’re grounded.”
Sam looked behind him again, then back in front once again. “…How about magic? I thought she could teleport.”
“Peanut butter and baby oil.”
“What?”
“Old folk remedy. Spread a mix of peanut butter and baby oil on a unicorn’s horn and they can’t use magic. My grandma taught me that one. She used to have to take care of unicorn kids at the hospital when she was an RN.”
“…No kidding?”
“No kidding.”
Sam exhaled and walked forward a bit further. Finally, he looked to Carl one more time. “So…what trick did you use to keep her from just trying to kick her way out?”
“I took a garden shears to her hamstrings and clipped them.”
“What?!”
Carl immediately winced. “Dude, chill out! I’m joking again! You didn’t think I’d actually mutilate a pony, did you? Especially a princess! Of course I didn’t cut her hamstrings!”
Sam just quivered as he stared at Carl for a moment, then sighed and looked away. Carl looked forward as well and walked forward a bit more.
“…I drugged her.” He said quietly after a moment.
Sam’s head snapped to him again. “What?!”
“What other choice did I have, Sam?! She was going to break my ribs and knock out my teeth between her kicking and wing flaps! What, did you think she just 'gave up' and decided to go back in the trunk?!”
The blue stallion hissed. “…Just keep your damn voice down, man! I don’t want to advertise we have a mare in the trunk!” He said in a harsh whisper.
“You’re the pony who started yelling!” Carl harshly whispered back.
“Look…what did you give her and how much?”
“Some allergy medicine, dude! That drowsy stuff!”
“Ugh…people can overdose on that crap, man!”
“Stop being such a filly, Sam! My mom used to give that to me and Farrah growing up when we were out of control! Look how we turned out!”
“…”
“…Alright, bad example. But she’s an adult!”
Sam grimaced, but shook his head. “How long do you think until she wakes up?”
“Well, I’m not exactly an anesthesiologist, Sam…”
“Whatever…we’ve got to head back to the apartment now.”
“What?! That’s suicide! The cops will be there!”
“Well we’ll have to sneak in then!” The blue stallion retorted. “I didn’t know we were going to be wanted by police when we left to find that bakery this morning! So I left the conch shell there! Besides, the mob is expecting us to move in and out of there! And I’m not going to try and wake her up while we’re still on the road after last time!”
Carl muttered a bit, but then finally exhaled. “Fine…but Sam, we’ve got to find some food and a place to sleep. I feel like I’ve got nothing left…”
“It’s only a couple more blocks. Look…give me a guess on how much longer that stuff is going to last.”
Before Carl could say a word, suddenly a muffled groan came from the back, before the sounds of movement followed by a “thunk” and a sharp cry. There was some muttering for a moment, before a sound rang out.
“…Huh? Ugh…not again!”
Soon, there was repeated movement and clattering in the back. Carl exhaled. “…Not long, apparently.”
“You two are going to be a pair of frogs the second I get out of here!” Twilight’s muffled voice rang out from the back. “Now let me out and get this crud off my horn!”
“…You know, you should really learn to say things in the proper order.” Carl suddenly called back with a sardonic voice. “Like me, for example…I would have said for us to let you out and get the crud off your horn before I threatened to turn anyone into frogs the moment I get let out. And you know…it wouldn’t hurt to say ‘please’.”
Sam groaned. “Carl…shut up.” He turned back as well. “Look…ignore him. He’s still unhappy about you nailing him in his package…”
“Well I’m still unhappy about being locked in this trunk!” Twilight snapped. “Now let me out of here!”
The blue stallion hesitated for a few seconds. Finally, however, he spoke in a firmer voice.
“No.”
Carl actually looked to him, seeming a bit surprised at that.
“Let me out of here!” The princess demanded. 
“No.” Sam responded, more forcefully. “Not unless you calm down and listen to what we have to say first.”
“I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say after you kidnapped me!”
“Fine then. Stay in the trunk.”
There was a pause…then the whole wagon began to shake as Twilight fought furiously. “Let…me…GO!”
“Listen, your highness!” Sam suddenly shot out with increasing boldness. “Right now, you may feel like crud with what happened to you…but as bad as you think you have it right now, your day hasn’t been half as bad as ours! I know you’re royalty and you’re a nice pony, which is why this isn’t exactly easy on me either! But all day today people have been ordering us around, threatening us, and trying to kill us for something that wasn’t even our fault and not even giving us a chance to explain ourselves! I’m getting a bit tired of being yelled at and walked on! So unless you calm down and listen to us you’re staying in the trunk! Alright?”
There was actually silence in the back of the trunk for a moment. The fighting subsided. Carl actually blinked a few times at Sam, who, in turn, took in and out a few deep breaths, looking like he had just pushed himself to say that. Time slowly ticked by.
Finally, a sigh came from the back.
“Alright…I’m listening.”
With that, Sam inhaled a bit, and then spoke more calmly. “We’re a couple of stallions from Ponyville.”
“…I live in Ponyville. I’ve never seen you two before.”
“Well, no one really seems to ever notice us.” Carl threw in, his own voice calmer. “We’re always, I dunno, ‘in the background’. Just faces in a line of ponies. We’d only probably get noticed if we went cross-eyed one day…”
“Anyway…the point is we both got fired from our jobs recently but we really need to pay for my wedding to the girl of my dreams, Dawn Charger. I promised her I’d pay because I thought I was getting a promotion, but some brown nosing son-of-a-boss stole it from me and had me canned so he could take my salary and add it to his. Now my soon-to-be father-in-law is literally threatening my life if I don’t come through with the money for the wedding.”
“What does any of this have to do with kidnapping me or driving your wagon into the train station?”
“We’re getting to that.” Carl answered. “We looked all over Ponyville but no one was hiring enough to even maintain our standard of living. So I got this idea to make money quickly. Sam got left a condo in his great uncle’s will, so we figured we’d move to Manehattan and get one of those high income jobs doing something nopony wants to do, and save on it because we already own our own place. Once we have a month’s worth of cash and a paycheck stub record, we’d go back to Ponyville and use the record to get a loan for the wedding. We figured we could get a good one because we’d have a higher income level than doing similar jobs in Ponyville by living in Manehattan.”
“…So you did all of this to commit bank fraud?” Twilight asked.
“No!” Sam immediately shouted back, before sighing. “Look…the only job we could find was working for this small delivery company that worked 24 hours. But no one, including our bosses, told us that the place actually was involved in opium trafficking from Pacesia to Equestria. We were sent out to deliver a crate of what we thought was sprinkles to a 24 hour bakery, but the sprinkles were actually drugs and the place we were taking them was a dummy company for the guys who grew and harvested the stuff. We were supposed to run the crate by a warehouse and let some guys switch it for a different crate that had the money the stuff was worth, and then we needed to go and drop it off at the bakery, giving them their cash for the drugs.”
“Except no one told us that, and when we arrived by mistake…”
“Thanks to Carl trying to ‘get even’ with a damn chain restaurant…”
“Sam…please don’t interrupt. Like I said, we went to the right warehouse by mistake, and when we did, they swapped out crates. By the time we got back, we assumed they were trying to steal the current one and we attacked them and made a run for it. Before we knew it, the Vices are out for our blood. So we panicked and dropped the crate off at the first 24 hour bakery we could find."
“This morning, we found out about it the hard way…the police dragging us into the station before the Vices drug us off to get beat. Now they want 100,000 bits in less than 36 hours, or we’re both dead. They might try to hurt our families and friends too.”
“Although I’d be fairly cool with that on my end…”
“Carl…shut up. The only money we can get now is if we find where that crate was. But when we tried to get it, first we find the place we work for in flames, then we find our condo trashed, and then these thugs were looking for us when we tried to find it by memory. We nearly got killed escaping them! And we ended up driving out of control into that train station. That policepony…he’s crazy! He thinks we’re bums out for quick dough! He was going to throw us in a cell without trying to follow up on our story! And if the police get us now, the Vices will think we spilled our guts and we’ll be good as dead. So Carl…he panicked and took you hostage. Neither of us want to hurt you or kidnap you, but…”
He exhaled.
“Please…will you just go along with this for a bit longer? The only way we can keep the cops off our back is if they think we’re holding you hostage.”
The two ponies walked on slowly a bit farther. There was no answer for the trunk for a long time.
Finally, a sigh went out.
“…Open the trunk.”
Carl and Sam slowed to a stop, but didn’t move any further. Another groan went out.
“Look…I promise I won’t yell, I won’t scream, and I won’t run off until I can confirm or deny your story…but only if you let me out of the trunk right now.”
The two ponies hesitated for a moment, but then finally unhitched themselves and moved to the back. After looking around to make sure they weren’t being watched and the neighborhood was dark enough, Carl exhaled nervously, got out his keys, leaned over to undo the door and, as soon as he had the key in and enough to turn, both ponies snapped back, expecting to be blasted again as the trunk went open.
However…nothing happened, other than a haggard and stiff-looking Twilight leaning her head out of the back and stretching it. After that, she let out a sigh.
“Alright…you two need to get to the police station right now with your hooves up. I’ll walk in front of you…they won’t open fire if I-”
“Uh-uh, no way, lady.” Carl immediately retorted. “There’s not a chance in Hell we’re turning ourselves in.”
“You two don’t have a choice. You kidnapped me. By tomorrow morning, half of the Royal Guard in Canterlot is going to be combing this city, especially since this is the last place anyone saw Princess Celestia. They might be trying to pin her on you too right now.”
“Look…we’ll go to the police as soon as we cleared things with the Vices…but for right now we’re in way too deep.” Carl answered. “We can’t go to the police until they have their money and they know we wouldn’t gain anything by ratting on them.”
“Then you have to let me get back. If I explain the situation, maybe they’ll ease off of you…”
“Can’t do that either.” Carl answered.
“Princess, I know you’re trying to help, but…there’s ponies out there who want us dead at this point. We’ve got to try and clear that up before we force ourselves to be stuck in a place.”
Twilight paused for a moment to hear this. Finally, she let out an exhale. “Alright…in that case…how are you supposed to let them know when you have the money?”
“They gave us a one-way conch shell.” Sam responded. “We left it at the condo before we left.”
“Fine. You two need to head back to your condo and get that conch shell and a radio or some way to keep up on the news. Because they may call you at any time and you have to make sure you can answer it, and you need to know what the police are doing.”
“Whoa, whoa!” Carl exclaimed as he threw his hooves up. “You’re with Sam? Actually saying we should go back to where the police know we live?”
“Relax.” Twilight answered. “According to the official Manehattan Police Department Charter Revised Edition 4.91.8.1, the stakeouts of suspected locations need approval by at least two city council members. And since I got into town so late, they had already concluded business for the day and went home. They'll have to call them back in. It won’t be until midnight that they’ll clear the paperwork.”
Both Sam and Carl blinked.
“…You really know all that?”
“Why were you reading the Manehattan Police Department Charter?”
“It was a long train ride, and I brought some reading material on Manehattan.”
Both continued to stare.
“…And that’s what you thought looked interesting?”
Twilight groaned. “Look…you two only have about an hour, so you better get moving.”
“Alright, alright!” Sam retorted before giving Carl a hoof to the shoulder and turned to head over to the front again. Carl turned and began to move back as well. As for Twilight, she was about to follow, but then sighed and leaned back in the trunk like an uncomfortable recliner.
“And can we get a towel or something while we’re at it so I can clean off my horn? I’m more useful to you two able to do magic…”





Getting the last leg of the trip was a bit harder than either Sam or Carl wanted, but there was nothing for it now that Twilight wasn’t in the trunk anymore. They had to quickly arrange some sort of disguise for her, and there wasn’t much available other than Carl’s old high school jacket and ball cap, neither of which had been washed in a long time, but it was either that or nothing. Very reluctantly putting the jacket on over her wings and front hooves, and the cap low enough to hide her horn under the bill, Twilight got into the driver’s seat. Despite being afraid that someone would spot her, Sam couldn’t help but feel a bit better since the princess was going along with this. He felt a bit more at ease knowing she was a pro at magic and had some clout. It actually raised his spirits a bit. Unfortunately for Carl, even looking at Twilight seemed to make him pinch his rear legs together, so he was still “coming around”.
Twilight finally let out an exhale as they neared the condo. “…Can you two at least let me write a letter? I have friends who could help us out. And if it’s a message from me, technically you two didn’t send it.”
Sam looked to Carl at that. “…That could work.”
“Well…we should still have some left back in the condo.” Carl admitted. “But why not write to Princess Celestia? She listens to you, doesn’t she? Can’t she pass an executive order getting us out of all of this or something?”
“I guess you two haven’t been reading the news.” Twilight answered. “Princess Celestia has been missing for a couple days now. Usually it’s no big deal. I mean…she vanishes a lot. But it’s not like her to miss one of these meetings at the United Neightions. It was enough where I was called to come and fill in for her. And I have to present still…”
Carl grimaced. “Great. We’ll just throw that on the pile of ‘big monumental things that hinge on us getting that money’.”
“Anyway…here’s the condo.” Sam announced as it became clear just up ahead. “Let’s pull in, get out, get the stuff, and get moving.”
“Then we need to find a place to sleep…” Carl groaned. “Ponies are going to start thinking I need to be euthanized if I keep walking this funny…”
Not long after, the wagon pulled in front of the condo. In minutes, the three were out, looking around for no signs of followers, and then moved to the door and started to head upstairs. They walked a bit discretely, making sure no one was loitering in the halls. Even a wino or a junkie was preferable to avoid at this point, especially since none of them had any way to cover up Twilight’s Cutie Mark, which was a dead giveaway. But luckily, the whole place seemed to be empty. There weren’t even any hobos waiting at the door when they arrived, quickly unlocked it, and stepped inside.
Once Twilight was in, Carl moved back to the door, shut it, and locked it. Sam looked up and around a bit, as Twilight turned to him. “Now…do you have a radio?”
Sam looked over to the counter, and pointed. “It’s right over…there…”
Soon, however, the earth pony trailed off. His eyes went a bit wide. His reaction soon made Carl look to him as well, followed by Twilight. They all followed his gaze to the counter, where the radio was…along with something else.
What looked like a conspicuously large couple of fortune cookies were set on the counter as well, both emblazoned with Pacesian characters.
The three stared at them uneasily a moment.
“…Normally, I’d be wild about getting free cookies, Sam…but those kind of make me lose my appetite. What are they and how did they get here?”
“I don’t know how they got here,” Twilight spoke up. “But those are ‘Pacesian Wheel of Fortune Cookies’. They’re usually used to give messages or fortunes that are…bad news. If what you two told me is true, I have a pretty good idea of who sent them.”
Carl held a moment, staring at the cookies, and then suddenly spoke up. “…I’ll go get you that towel, Twilight. Have fun opening those things.” He said before he darted off.
Sam looked to him and frowned, but Twilight shook her head. “Relax. They’re big, but that’s because they have magic messages inside them, not booby traps or anything like that. Break it open. They usually go bad if they stay out too long.”
The blue stallion swallowed, but then moved over to the cookies, as if expecting them to leap up and bite him or, worse yet, give him another deep tissue massage. On reaching them, he looked over both cookies for a moment, but then finally decided on the closest one. Tentatively reaching his hooves out, he grabbed either side. Beads of sweat running down his face, he gave it a sharp shove, breaking it in half.
Immediately, green mist began to flow out in a tendril. But rather than make a message, a voice soon began to ring through the air…that of Nek Tuu Long.
“…What, now? Did the ping go off? I didn’t hear the ping go off. It did? …It did a few seconds ago?” A Pacesian curse. “…Accursed crappy Equestrian relics… Anyway…” His voice began to address them. “Hello, insipid earth ponies. I thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules of wallowing in mud like the swine you are to actually find this cookie message, though I suppose the only way to attract your tiny brains is by setting out some form of pastry in front of it. Here’s the news…
“When I gave you two imbeciles 48 hours to come up with my money, did you honestly think I was just going to sit in my tea chamber with my ears covered and my eyes shut and let you do whatever? I’ve had my boys keep their eyes on your condo all day, morons! And guess what they tell me? They haven’t seen you in six hours! 
“I don’t appreciate grass-eating mule deer like yourselves testing my patience. Obviously my ‘hospitality’ didn’t convince you how serious I am. Therefore, I have, how do you say, ‘taken things to the next level’. Break open the other cookie right now. I’ll wait.”
Sam, paling and swallowing at this point, nervously reached over and put his hooves on the other cookie. Dreading what would be the result, he almost looked away before forcing it open. When it broke, a second plume of green smoke went into the air, wisped around, and then began to “play a voice”.
A familiar mare’s voice.
“Hel…hello? Sam…? Can you hear me…? What’s going-”
The voice was cut off, and the smoke expired. Sam, however, felt his face flood with the most fear yet. 
That was Dawn’s voice.
“I warned you, little sh’t!” Long’s voice continued from his cookie. “It didn’t even take me 20 minutes after I had you two thrown out to find out about your fiancée! I own your ass! You get me my money! And you get it to me by noon on Thursday or I turn your girlfriend into a porcelain statue and then mail her to you one broken-off piece at a time!”
The smoke slowly faded after this was done. Sam stared open-mouthed as the cookie. Soon after, his rear legs gave out behind him, and he slumped down on that end. His front hooves held him up only because they were left locked. Twilight too was astonished, staring and blinking at the cookie in shock herself.
After a moment, Carl came back in the room, the shell in one hoof and a towel in the other. However, once there, he paused and looked around.
“…Bad news, eh? Well how bad could it be if it wasn’t a bomb?”
Sam slowly closed his eyes, but didn’t have the strength anymore to yell at Carl. He was stricken with fear, sadness, and panic now. His heart was beating in his chest and he was terrified to think that right now his girlfriend was shoved in some back room in a Pacesian restaurant, facing each moment thinking it would be her last.
“…It was the Pacesians, Carl.” He stated softly at last. “And they’ve got Dawn…and they’re going to kill her if we don’t pay them.”
Carl was silent after hearing that. His mild joking attitude evaporated. Twilight, on her part, grimaced quite a bit, and then looked to them both.
“Well…don’t know if this helps…but I think I believe you two now unless you’re going to a really elaborate length…”
Sam remained silent, bowing his head and putting a hoof to his brow. Carl, on his part, put the things down and scratched his head.
“Even if we find that crate, this isn’t good… We only got 36 hours or less to try and find a way to double it-”
Suddenly, Sam slammed his hooves down on the counter and snapped up the green stallion. “Damnit, Carl! This is all your fault!”
Carl recoiled at the sudden outburst, but once it was done he was astonished. “Wha…me?! How the hell is this all my fault?!”
“This was your dumbass idea!” Sam retorted. “You’re the one who told us to go on this demented loan fraud scheme that got us into this! And now we’re getting several beatings a day, standing around in a rat trap, we’ve got the police out to kill us and the mob out to turn us into décor, and now Dawn’s going to die…because of you! None of this would have happened if you hadn’t come up with this scheme! And none of it would have gone to Hell if you hadn’t insisted on placing that dumb order at ‘Speedy’s’!”
Carl frowned back. “Well maybe, if for once in your life, you actually stood up to somepony instead of always just rolling over and letting them treat you like manure and just ‘accepting’ whatever anyone throws at you, you’d still have a job and I wouldn’t have had to come up with this plan in the first place!”
Sam opened his mouth to speak again…before purple, glowing muzzles suddenly laced over the mouths of both him and Carl. Both were surprised, but then looked to the source. Twilight was frowning as she finished wiping off her glowing horn with the towel.
“Guys…I’ve been in more situations like this before too, you know, and two friends going at each other’s throats never ends well.”
“Bbbt hhh’s bnning ah pssy.” Carl protested.
“Whht ddd yyy clll mmh?!” Sam retorted.
Twilight sighed. “You two breaking down and attacking each other isn’t helping anything!” She retorted. “Especially since the walls in this building look paper thin! Anyone can overhear you! Now let’s just take the shell and the radio and get out of here!”
Sam and Carl both looked dark for a moment, but seemed to calm down a bit. As they relaxed, Twilight used her horn to turn on the radio. After adjusting it a bit, a news report came on. A moment later, and the muzzles released, allowing Sam and Carl to speak again.
“…Jerk.”
“…D*ck.”
“Sssh!” Twilight snapped. “Listen!”
“And now, an update in our top story… We are now entering the seventh hour of the abduction of Princess Twilight Sparkle. The two suspects involved in the kidnapping have had their identities confirmed: Incarlsistency and Sam Listens-To-Carl’s-Problems. Incarlsistency has a history of obsessive compulsive disorder, mood swings, and work-place-related violence and assault…”
“I didn’t even send him to the hospital!” Carl snapped.
“Sssh!”
“While Sam Listens-To-Carl’s-Problems was fired recently for being, and I quote, ‘a troublemaker, corporate saboteur, rebel, and possibly mentally ill’ presence at his former job, as relayed to us by his former employer.”
“…For not polishing my hooves every day?!” Sam raged.
“Be quiet and listen!”
“Based on the information being relayed to us by the Manehattan Police Department, it seems these ponies are involved in the drug trade within the city as well. Following the numerous threats made to the police earlier today, including threats to feed the princess into a meat grinder and send her back to the police a unit at a time, these two are considered both armed and highly dangerous, and are being pushed to the top of the most wanted list in Manehattan. We now receive word that they are suspected to be involved in the disappearance of Princess Celestia as well, which will likely elevate them to the top of the Equestria’s Most Wanted list by noon tomorrow.”
Both Sam and Carl were stunned.
“…And to think…Farrah said I’d never amount of anything… Maybe I did overdo it…” Carl muttered.
“Already, numerous Canterlot Royal Guards have arrived in Manehattan to expand the growing operation…at least, as soon as the paperwork gets through this evening as most of the bureaucracy had gone home.”
Twilight flashed a satisfied smile.
“Due to the weight of the situation and the need for action, however, Canterlot Royal Decree #99 is being implemented in this situation. The Royal Guard did not elaborate more on this at this time. We will keep you posted.”
Twilight’s smile evaporated and the corners of her mouth nearly hit the floor. The change was so instant it made both Sam and Carl look to her. Both of them grew rather nervous.
“…That’s normally not a good sign.” Carl muttered.
“Princess, what is Canterlot Royal Decree #99? Is it good or…bad?”
Twilight continued to stare blankly at the radio.
“…You two are going to be dead long before the next 36 hours are up.”
“…Ok, that’s bad.” Carl flatly responded.
Shaking her head, the alicorn nervously exhaled before looking to them.
“Canterlot Royal Decree #99 is a rule that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna hold in reserve more for ‘convenience’ than anything else as an emergency rule. They never intended on actually using it. They must have done it during the day, before Luna came out… It allows the activation of the ‘Quarter Horses’, the ‘super-elite’ of the Canterlot Royal Guard who are given authority to operate ‘outside the law’. About the only law for public safety they can’t ignore is directly killing a pony…although they can have as many ‘accidental’ deaths as they want.”
Both Sam and Carl paled. Twilight sighed and continued.
“We’ve been trying to ‘phase them out’…and there’s actually only one member left…but he’s a bad one. Celestia wouldn’t close the Quarter Horses because she’s afraid of what he might end up doing… His name is Atlas…and he’s an Augean pony.”
Carl’s eyes shot open wide, and he nearly stammered. He turned to Sam soon afterward. “D…Dude…that’s a carnivorous horse!”
Sam sighed and shrugged. “So what? Dude, I thought we went over the fact that we all eat meat.”
“Sam…he eats other horses! Raw! And alive!”
Now it was Sam’s turn to be shocked. He snapped back to Twilight. “How the hell is that guy employed in the Canterlot Royal Guard?!”
Twilight could only offer a pitiful shrug. “Equestria is equal opportunity for everypony, and tolerators have to tolerate.”
“You couldn’t make one exception?!”
“Anyway…this guy is crazy! He sniffs out criminal ponies like a bloodhound! He rips off hydra heads with his bare hooves! He once turned a cockatrice to stone by looking it in the eye! His resistance to pain is beyond belief! He has at least eight spear tips still stuck in his body from ponies who tried to kill him but he doesn’t even notice them! One time, he got eaten by an adult dragon…chewed up, mind you, not just swallowed whole…and he ripped his way out of its stomach up through its diaphragm and then pried open its rib cage with his bare hooves and exploded out of its chest!”
“Motherf***er!” Carl exclaimed, nearly passing out.
“Oh sh’t, oh sh’t, oh sh’t…”
“We have to get out of here right now. The longest anypony has ever stayed on the run from him is one day. It’s like he knows where ponies are going to be! And if he finds you two, he’ll break your limbs, beat the living crud out of you, and then eat your still-breathing bodies…starting at the tail and working his way up.”
“…Thanks for that lovely image! Maybe you should have saved it until we were already on the run!” Carl snapped.
Sam, on his part, quickly gathered his own things and then turned for the door. “Right…let’s get out of here right now and find that bakery. I mean…after all, at least no one can track us there, right?”
He took a step toward the door, before Twilight quickly reached out and pushed him back.
“Whoa! We can’t go out the front door of anyplace anymore!” She immediately stated. “We’ve got to keep an eye out for Atlas!” Immediately, she turned and began to move toward the back of the place. “There’s a fire escape out this way! Come on!”
Sam, however, looked to her in shocked. “What the…they just announced he came out! You’re thinking he could find us this quick?”
“I told you…he’s good.” Twilight called back as she vanished down the hall. “Just one more thing…keep an eye out for a Classic Red Charger wagon from now on! He always takes his own wagon everywhere he goes. It’s his signature. So as long as we see a police vehicle instead of that, we’re in the clear…relatively speaking.”
The blue stallion paused, inhaling and exhaling. After that, he shook his head, then turned to Carl. “…Let’s get out of here and find a place to sleep before looking for that bakery anymore. I’m so sleepy at this point I’m not thinking straight.” He turned to move, but then paused and looked back.
Carl wasn’t moving. His eyes were wide and he was shaking like a leaf.
“…What now, Carl?”
“C…C…C…” He began to stammer as one of his hooves, quivering all the way.
Sam blinked. “…C?”
“C…Cl…Clas…Classic…” Carl continued as he moved his hoof up to the window. “R…R…R…”
The blue stallion followed his hoof and looked out the window, and felt his stomach sink into his feet.
There was a Classic Red Charger wagon parked across the street outside.
Almost immediately…the room began to shake rhythmically, to the tune of colossal footsteps. It seemed reminiscent of a dinosaur. Both ponies paled, and slowly looked to each other as bits of debris and dust started to rain down from the ceiling while the presence got closer. After a time, fractures actually began to appear in the thin walls, causing both to shake more than ever before as they looked to the front door…just as a monstrous shadow loomed in behind it. Neither made a noise, trying to make like the condo was abandoned.
They soon heard a sound like a dragon snorting, before a voice that would have made King Sombre himself sound like a beaver rang out on the others side.
“This condo…smells like fear.”
Abruptly, part of the door exploded as a hoof laced with so much muscle that the two ponies could hear the skin stretching came out from the other side, curled through and around the handle, and then undid the lock, before withdrawing again.
“…Run for it…Carl…” Sam croaked meekly.
“I can’t…” Carl whined. “I think the sheer power of his stallionliness has made my body forget how to work the legs…”
The doorknob slowly turned…before the entire door frame and a good portion of the surrounding wall was snapped off and moved into the room, being swung open like a real door. A monstrous hulk of a pony stepped in on the side side, coal black, laced with tattoos and a few scars, skin tight around his rock-hard mountain of muscles, and mane cut short with a pair of reflective sunglasses over his eyes. He easily stood twice the height of Sam and Carl as he entered the room, and then froze. 
A moment later, his head snapped to Sam and Carl like the crack of a whip, and the two could swear they felt an icy breeze flow over them.
“There you are.” He stated…and Sam and Carl could have sworn his teeth never parted under his lips.
Immediately, he began to approach. Sam and Carl wanted to recoil. They wanted to run. Heck, they even wanted to scream. But it was impossible. This was worse than dragonfear. They could swear the pony emitted a paralyzing musk from his chistled muscles that made them forget everything except fear. Even right now, Carl was struggling to remember if he had ever done anything in his life other than be stared down by this pony. And Sam wondered if he had ever felt anything besides soul-gripping terror, or if the meaning of his life was to be killed and devoured by this pony. One thing was sure…they saw his Cutie Mark as he entered.
It was a pony’s head on a stake. Not just any pony’s, though. They could swear with every step Atlas took, whenever it hit the light just right…they’d see themselves.
When he neared the counter, he came to a stop and glared at both of them through those sunglasses.
“This is how this will work out. As of right now, I will grant you both a quick and painless death. Every time you do not tell me where you have Princess Twilight and Princess Celestia, I will lengthen the time it takes you to die by an hour.”
Carl swallowed, and then finally found his voice to call behind him. “Er…princess? Probably would be nice of you to come out here and explain to this guy that we’re not the bad guys…”
“Yeah man…” Sam added slowly. It was hard to think when the mere shadow the pony cast felt like it pinned you down under 100 pounds of extra weight. “We just told Princess Twilight everything, and she’s perfectly cool with it now. So we’ll just bring her in and have her relay what we told her, and then we’ll all be-”
Sam’s voice abruptly turned into a choking gag as Atlas’ hoof lashed out. Actually…lashed out was probably the wrong term. It was more like the hoof materialized in Sam’s neck, crushing his windpipe. He actually went cross-eyed for a moment, before Atlas recoiled his hoof. Blood dribbling from the corners of his mouth, Sam fell to the ground and made pantomiming noises and flops, seeming like his lungs weren’t reopening.
“I am not hired to ‘negotiate’.” Atlas stated, before turning to Carl, actually causing him to jump a little. “You will now suffer for one hour before you die.”
Carl swallowed. He trembled for a moment, before looking to Sam. His face was turning purple and he was thrashing about on the ground, his hoof flopping and hitting Carl. Finally, the green stallion sighed…and lashed out with a foot hard into Sam’s solar plexus. The forcing of air out of his lungs made his neck open again. He began to make ragged gasps for air.
The green stallion shrugged even as Sam both took in deep gulps and grabbed for his now sore solar plexus. “…You’re welcome.” He held a moment afterward, knowing Atlas’ gaze was still on him, all the while moving a hoof behind him. A moment later, he snapped around with the poison-loaded syringe straight for his mouth…
Immediately, Atlas’ hoof shot out and laced the wrist region around Carl’s own hoof holding the syringe. Instantly, it went like a vice, causing Carl to begin to cry out…before it compressed even more, suddenly turning Carl’s manly scream of pain into a soprano’s high note. He continued to crush until Carl began to fall to his knees, and right before collapse, he calmly reached out and pulled the syringe out of his hoof. He released afterward, and Carl, his hoof compressed to about a third of its original diameter, fully went down. Somehow, despite being in agony, both Sam and Carl looked up to him at that.
As they did, they saw Atlas calmly reach over and grab the bottle of the same cleaner they brought. He uncapped it, calmly reinserted the syringe fluid into it, and then proceeded to toss the syringe away, knock back the entire gallon, and chug it down without losing a single drop. Both Sam and Carl forgot their pain and just stared at him in open-mouthed awe. Once it was gone, he let out a mild exhale, wiped his mouth, belched, and then tossed the empty container away.
“Are you done doing stupid stunts now?” He asked them. “Or do you two want to go for three hours of torture?”
The two didn’t know what to say. They could only stare at this nightmarish pony looking down on them. Both were white as sheets and in terrible pain. For a moment, they figured they were doomed.
Yet as the dark pony looked down over them…suddenly a blast of purple-toned magic shot over their heads and struck him square in the chest. The second it did…his chest immediately became gray and hard, and started to spread out. Atlas raised an eyebrow and looked to this…but the spell moved quickly, and he had barely managed to do so before the effect had covered his torso and moved out to his limbs and neck, freezing him in place. After that, it quickly moved up to cover his head as well…and, in moments, he stood there as an immobile stone statue.
Both Sam and Carl looked up and blinked, and then turned around behind them. Twilight was at the end of the hall, panting as she stood near the open window to the fire escape from having just done an advanced spell. However, she soon frowned at the two.
“…Are you two coming or what? Hurry up!”
Carl soon frowned at her. “Couldn’t you have stayed here and done that as soon as he came in?!”
“I thought you two were right behind me!” Twilight retorted. “Besides, we’ll be lucky if that holds him for a full minute!”
Both Sam and Carl were puzzled at that. They were about to respond that he had to be lifeless stone by now…before they felt bits of rock smack them in the backs of the head to the tune of an eruption of stone. Immediately, they spun around…and gasped as they saw that Atlas’ left hoof had shattered its prison by flexing. Now, the hoof swung around and began to beat against the rest of him with room-shaking force…causing fractures to soon appear in the rest of the statue.
“What the f**k?!” Sam exclaimed.
“That’s not even his dominant hoof!” Twilight shouted back. “Now come on!”
Not needing any more incentive, Carl reached over and seized Sam and quickly got him to his feet along with himself. The two immediately snapped for the entrance and ran for it. By the time they reached it, Twilight was already out and pieces of stone were beginning to crumble off the rest of Atlas. By the time Sam and Carl were out, the rest of the pieces were beginning to move and he was exposed underneath. Halfway down the fire escape, they heard a monstrous grunt from back upstairs in the condo as Atlas broke free.
“We’re…screwed…” Sam croaked as he charged down as fast as he could.
“Don’t look back!” Twilight shouted as she quickly fired off a beam of light toward the road. The spell didn’t stop there, but quickly cycled and ran away around the block and down one of the side streets.
The two ponies didn’t know what Twilight was doing with that, and didn’t care as they quickly leapt off the last step and “slid” down the rest of the way, soon colliding with each other and forcing themselves down the remaining stairs until they reached the gap at the end. At that point, all three fell through the air and landed on the ground in a painful heap. They were stunned in that position, but only for a moment as they heard the area above them shaking…the sound of Atlas approaching the window. In a flash, they all ran over each other and forced themselves to their hooves, then took off for the road. Twilight took the lead, apparently a better runner than both of them, but they all charged as fast as they could, although, for the life of him, Sam didn’t know how this would help. He had to see them…
Yet as they reached the street, suddenly something unexpected happened. A taxi wagon whipped around the street and quickly hung a sharp turn before going straight for where the three of them were headed. Sam and Carl were surprised only a moment, before they realized Twilight had signaled it using her spell. Not asking questions…for the ground suddenly rippled behind them as Atlas jumped out of the window, the force and weight of his body ripped out the entire fire escape and ground it beneath his feet like it was made of straws, and then sent a shockwave. He immediately looked up at them through his reflective sunglasses, but by then the group had reached the taxi cab and piled inside.
“The farthest, most obscure and dark part of town from here!” Sam immediately shouted to the driver.
“And don’t spare the horses!” Carl yelled as well.
“Hey!” The ponies pulling the taxi snapped back. “Just because I’m some sort of minimum wage worker doesn’t mean you get to treat me like-”
“Just get the f**k out of here before the ‘Trojan Man’ over there kills us!”
Grumbling, the ponies immediately took off in a gallop, shooting away at a rather quick speed. Atlas rose and began to dash after them at first, and, for a few moments, caught up to them. But the taxi ponies in Manehattan were some of the fastest in Equestria, and soon they were overtaking him and running off into the night. At that, Atlas slowed down as he reached the side of the road. He held there momentarily, looking out after them.
After staring for a few seconds, always stony and never changing, he turned and began to walk more slowly back to his wagon.





An hour before dawn, and Sam was feeling hopeless.
The taxi had dropped them off on the opposite end of town in an obscure area, alright…but the two ponies didn’t have much money on them left, and couldn’t risk a bank tracking them. As a result, they spent all but two bits paying the taxi bill, and now had nothing. No money, no wagon, almost none of their possessions they had brought, no food, and no place to sleep. In the end, they had gone to the one place left where they could hope to stay for nothing and obscured…Manehattan Central Park. Technically it was illegal, but the whole park couldn’t be patrolled all the time. Finding a park bench, Sam, Carl, and Twilight “camped” out. 
The rest of the night passed miserably. It was cold, hard, and smelled of the occasional vagrant’s pee and sewage from a nearby sewer. Not to mention the fact the squirrels kept coming up to them and yelling at them for littering their front lawn. But at this point, Sam was so exhausted he went to sleep anyway. Carl, on his part, took their last couple bits and walked into town, trying to see if they could find any dive place that would give them a room for two bits. Cheap as it was, staying indoors somewhere was preferable to staying in the open, especially since Twilight was still with them. It wasn’t really fair, since they had dragged her into this and she had agreed to help them, to keep her running around outside anyway.
Sam only got a few hours in before he woke up again. Carl was still gone, but Twilight wasn’t able to sleep at all. And so, they both sat on the bench and just looked out as the sky turned from dark to dark blue. Even as that happened, the amount of hobos began to increase. Soon after that, the morning street sweepers and lamp extinguishers began to come out too. Sam watched as they went out and around, feeling all the more tired and hopeless as time went by.
“Hey.”
Sam looked up at that, turning to the side. He found the princess looking at him.
“You know…I think I do remember seeing you before, now that I think on it.” Twilight stated. “You remember the 1,000 Summer Solstice? Did you go to a party before that morning?”
The blue stallion paused, but then nodded. “…Yeah. This pink girl dragged me and Carl to the library to throw a ‘welcoming’ party for a new kid in town. But she didn’t look like she cared to say hi when she tried to introduce us… Wait…” He blinked a few times. “…That was you, wasn’t it?”
Twilight paused, but then nodded.
“Huh…I can’t believe it… I should have put two and two together a long time ago…”
The purple alicorn kept looking at him. “And…you both did Winter Wrap Up my first year, didn’t you?”
Sam paused, but then nodded. “Yeah…but…everypony does Winter Wrap Up. I was on shovel duty while Carl was on nest-making…I mean animal wake-up. I remembered that you stopped Nightmare Moon so I waved to you, but…you were distracted and just told me to go shovel Sector U-9.”
“You two…you were at the Grand Galloping Gala too, weren’t you?”
“Well…not exactly. We were in Canterlot to see an advanced screening of ‘Lord of the Horseshoes: The Commonwealth of the Clog’. But we hung out in front of the gala to try and catch some celebrities. We saw you and some other girls and tried to shout out but…you were too busy singing some weird song about what you were all going to do at the gala and I guess you didn’t see us…”
“And…when Discord got released…”
“Yeah…Carl was actually in a good mood that day. Since everything was a blatant inconsistency, he didn’t have to bother calling anything out. I never saw him so mellow. So we went out to try and find some cookies that weren’t trying to eat ponies, and we saw you looking down…like you were gray or something…while you were walking to the library. We called out and asked what was wrong, but…you just walked by like you didn’t even hear us…”
“And…during Nightmare Night…”
“Oh yeah. Carl was the guy in the town square dressed as a big yellow box with a question mark on it, making a scene as he asked me if Princess Luna was supposed to be a goddess or a devil to our religion. I went as a prince while Dawn was a princess. Heh…Princess Luna actually thought we were real nobles she still had to learn about and we actually met and talked for a few minutes. I spotted you in that wizard costume and tried to say hello, but you told me you had to hurry up and write a letter and cut me off.”
“And Princess Cadance’s wedding…”
“Well, I took Dawn because she’s big on royal weddings. But we left before the crap started when we thought we caught a glimpse of Princess Cadance licking her lips at a foal with a puppy…”
“And when Trixie came back…”
“Yeah…we had to pick poppy seeds off of her muffins and keep that cross-eyed mare from stealing them…”
“And my coronation…”
“Hey…it was the event of the century! How often do you get to see a new goddess? Especially one from our hometown.”
Twilight blinked and stared at him a moment, before her face fell a bit. She looked away from Sam and out in the distance. The blue stallion stared curiously at her. “…Something wrong?”
“I can’t believe it.” She stated after a moment. “You two have been at almost every major event in my life over the past couple years…and I didn’t even know you existed until yesterday afternoon…”
Sam hesitated a moment, but then shrugged. “Well…you know…it happens. Life’s like that.”
“…I wonder.” Twilight responded quietly.
The blue stallion paused again, but shrugged. “Hey, come on.” He said, actually trying to sound a bit encouraging. “You’re not the first pony who ever didn’t notice ponies around her. I mean…how many ponies do we run into every day of our lives and never give a second thought to?”
“…But I’m supposed to be a princess.” Twilight answered. “I’m supposed to be becoming better at friendship than most. And look what I did. Look what I missed out on. At that party, I treated you like a nuisance. At Winter Wrap Up, you were just some pony to shove away to get a task done. At the Gala, all I could think about was Princess Celestia. Look at me.” She turned back to Sam. “I thought I changed so much when I made my first friends…but I’m still ‘in my own little world’. Anything that happens that’s not what I want to happen or think about just flies by. And look what resulted. You just said you were concerned about me when Discord was released. But I didn’t notice you any more than I noticed that I should have been more focused on taking care of my friends first and defeating Discord later. And you say you actually saw the fake Cadance acting up? It never occurred to me for one second that in the entire city of Canterlot at least one other pony would have seen some of the things I noticed, that I could have tried to find at least one other pony who had noticed something before I confronted her at the rehearsal. How good am I of a princess if that’s what I end up doing?”
Sam hesitated a moment, noticing the princess’ downturned face. However, he eventually tried to smile. “Hey…come on.” He said encouragingly. “Don’t beat yourself up like that. Sh’t happens.”
“But I’m Celestia’s best student. I’m a goddess, for crying out loud…”
“Well, to me, you look like some confused kid who’s got a lot she’s having to ‘grow into’. You think anypony in town, Canterlot, or Equestria knows what’s going on all the time? Hell…Carl points out to me all the time just how little anypony knows what they’re doing… At least you’re trying to get better. Most of us ponies just accept things as they are and stay there. That’s why, in life, we’re just ‘tucked away in the background’.”
He frowned a bit, and then looked forward. 
“…I know I am.” He said darkly. “I blamed Carl for all of this, but…the truth of the matter is I had a lot of things set right in front of me. Good things. Great things. That job may have been bland and nothing to most ponies…but I loved it. I mean…of course I loved it. That’s my talent. That’s what I was meant to do…to listen to ponies that have problems and get them through it. Some ponies find their place growing apples or throwing parties or making nice dresses…but me? I found my place just helping some frustrated mother get connected to a doctor for her sick kid or some old man who couldn’t remember where his favorite café was find it.
“But what happened when somepony tried to take it away from me?” He frowned. “…I let them. It was my purpose and my talent, and I let somepony just take it from me. And Dawn… Dawn Charger is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I should have been willing to fight off a dragon for her. But I let myself be scared away. I didn’t go after her as hard as I wanted and as hard as she deserved.”
He snorted, looking around. Hobos continued to mill about as a middle-aged street sweeper came by. He gestured to them.
“Look at these ponies… The past few days I’ve kept looking down on them like I’m so much better than them…but the truth is I’m not. I’m worse than them. They might be here because of some bad circumstance…but me? I was where I should have been in my life, and I just let it go without even fighting for it…”
Twilight was looking at him again now, and Sam bowed his head and shook it. “…If I get out of this alive, as impossible as it is…I swear I’m never going to just let my life go again. That’s why I can’t give up now. If Dawn really means something to me, then I have to get her back. I have to prove to her that I’d walk into the jaws of a Cerberus and out again. And even if this costs me everything, including my life, she’s worth it.”
As Sam finished saying this and the street sweeper began to pass him by, Twilight was about to try and say something, when suddenly they heard hoofbeats come up. Both of them looked up at that, and saw Carl galloping up to them. His face was bright, shining, enthused, and with a huge grin across his face. He seemed like a totally different pony. The two took this as a good sign, if not a puzzling one, and as he neared Sam stood up and took a step to meet him. Soon, Carl stopped, panting hard, but grinning in delight.
After a few gasps, he looked up to Sam. “Dude…you will never believe this…but I must be the luckiest bastard in the world! I mean…after all the sh’t that’s happened to us over the past few days, karma shows something good should have happened to us… Am I right?”
Sam blinked. “Carl, what are you talking about?”
“I’ve got great news!” The green stallion answered with a grin.
“You found a room for two bits?”
“No! Better than that!”
Sam paused a moment. “…They’re calling off the ponyhunt because they realized we’re innocent?”
“No, think better!”
Sam hesitated again. “…They busted Nek Tuu Long and Dawn’s safe?”
“Better!”
The blue stallion, however, was confused. He just gave a helpless shrug. At that, Carl, still grinning ear to ear, reached for his saddlebag at his side, opened it up, and soon pulled out a shake with a dollup of heavy whipped cream and a cookie topping it, in a cup marked: “Marble Creamery” on the side.
“Check this out! An honest-to-goodness cookies-and-cream shake from Marble Creamery! Perfect! Perfection! I found a Marble Creamery that was on its last day of business! Dude…they were shutting down the last day of work right then and there! They said it was the last one still open in the city! I got the last one, man! The last f***ing one! I could only get a small, granted, because that’s all two bits will get you…but check it out!” Immediately, he held the straw forward to Sam. “Go on! Have a sip! We’ll split it!”
The second the shake had been revealed, Sam had gone more frozen than the statue Atlas had made yesterday, with his eyes focused on the shake. They remained there as Carl continued…each new word slowly turning Sam’s face redder and redder and redder. Heat seemed to be coming off of him by the time Sam was done, his gaze nearly burning holes into that sappy cow on the logo for Marble Creamery on the cup and his face turned into a look that would kill.
Finally, he looked back up to Carl as the shake was offered to him.
Without a word, he slugged him across the face with his forehoof.
As Twilight gasped, the shake was released and went down…yet miraculously landed upright and didn’t spill. Carl had little time to be thankful for it as Sam tackled him into the dirt, and soon was savagely beating Carl for all he was worth. Carl, naturally, only took this for a few moments before he fought back by first grabbing a piece of sod and then smashing it into Sam’s eyes, blinding him long enough to roll him over and beat away at him as well. This went for a while before Sam sunk his teeth into one of Carl’s hooves as they went down and he bit hard, making him come off of him long enough for Sam to start punching him repeatedly in the gut, before Carl seized a rock and smacked Sam in the head with it, but not before Sam nailed Carl in the still-healing package. Once both collapsed, they dragged themselves to each other and began to try throttling one another…which wasn’t easy as they had hooves instead of thumbs. Twilight could only gape in shock.
“I hate you!”
“I can’t stand you!”
“You never stop complaining about every last aspect of our lives!”
“You always try to ‘sweep me under the rug’ for your family and friends!”
“You always f*** everything up!”
“You don’t have the spine to stand up for yourself!”
“Your sister is a worthless bag of sh’t!”
“Your girlfriend is a goodie-two-shoes slut!”
“Even when we’re struggling for our lives and we haven’t had any sleep, food, or medical help in over 24 hours, you can’t stop thinking for ONE F***ING SECOND about those damn shakes!!”
“That’s because you wouldn’t know a good shake if it was growing out of your ass! And the one time I tried to share it you try to kill me!”
“Who said anything about ‘trying’?!”
The two continued to go at it more violently than ever. Twilight continued to stare in shock as they went. Yet as she continued to stare, something happened at her side.
“…Young…young lady?”
She blinked, turning away from the ongoing fight, and looked to the side, seeing the street sweeper looking at her. Suddenly, he had changed. He had an eager, nervous, and almost desperate look on his face. He ventured forward a bit, swallowing, before he looked to the ground and pointed.
“Is…is that…an…an honest-to-goodness cookies-and-cream shake from Marble Creamery?”
As Sam was about to bite Carl’s jugular while Carl was reaching out to try and snap Sam’s neck…both froze. Slowly, they turned and looked around to the street sweeper. Twilight herself paused, but then gave a slow nod.
The street sweeper’s face turned into a hollow orphan’s before a vat of gruel. 
“It’s…it’s a cookies-and cream shake from Marble Creamery… I…I thought I’d never see one again…” He spoke with a nervous tremble in his voice. “I’ve…I’ve spent…every…every…last moment of my free time…scouring far and wide…throughout Manehattan and every surrounding county…trying to find one that was open…and I couldn’t… Not one…not one! It’s…” He moistened his lips. “It’s…it’s pure shake perfection… It’s like a gift from Celestia… It’s…it’s the one thing in this world without flaw… It’s like proof of goodness in the world…”
Twilight gave the street sweeper a strange look as he looked more obsessive and crazed. Sam was much the same, and even Carl was a bit puzzled. The street sweeper, looking more ravenous all the time, he took a step toward.
“I…I must have it. It’s too beautiful. I’ll pay everything I have for it…”
He suddenly froze, then snapped around and went back to his cart of supplies. He went in and dug for a moment, before he suddenly came out with an iron box.
“Here! My savings from the past ten years!” He shouted as he brought it out and quickly opened it up. “1,000 bits! It’s all I have! Take it and give me the shake!”
Carl began to shake his head. “Sorry, dude. It’s not for-”
He was cut off as Sam compressed his face with a foot against the ground. “All yours, buddy. Thanks for doing business with you.”
Carl’s eyes widened from beneath the hoof, and immediately he began to struggle violently from beneath it. Around grit teeth, he croaked out. “I’ve been looking for that thing for days now!”
“Tough! You spent my last two bits on it!”
Immediately, the chest of bits was dropped, the street sweeper ran up and took the shake, and glared at it with an almost demented delight. He actually giggled a bit to himself as he ravenously looked over it and took it away. Leaving his supplies behind, he soon walked down the street with the shake, seemingly now oblivious to the world. Sam left off pinning Carl and soon grimaced at him as he saw him go.
“…Hey man, make sure you get a private room before you do whatever you’re thinking with that thing.” He called out, before releasing Carl.
By now, Carl was both irritable and sore, but apparently too much so to be able to fight anymore. Instead, he glared angrily at Sam. “You asshole! That might have been the last Marble Creamery shake that will ever be made in Equestria!”
“Would you forget about the damn shakes for once?!” Sam snapped back. “Look…we have 1,000 bits now!”
“Who cares?” Carl angrily retorted. “We’re still 99,000 bits short! How are we supposed to turn 1,000 bits into 100,000?”
“…I might have a way.”
Both Sam and Carl turned to Twilight on hearing her say that. However, her statement was rather mild and quiet, and as they looked to her they noted that she was looking a bit meek and reluctant, uncertain about what she had just said. 
“…You do?” Sam asked after a moment.
“Like…some sort of money multiplication spell?”
“…Kind of.” Twilight answered, even more reluctantly. “Here…get the money and follow me.”





Both Sam and Carl stared rather blankly. Carl, on his part, voiced his irritation. “…This is your ‘money multiplication spell’?”
The sun had come up by now, and it was nearing 9 AM. Twilight had resumed her disguise, and the three now found themselves in front of the destination Twilight had brought them to: Manehattan’s Arbor Race Track. And, in thirty minutes, the first of the day’s horse races would begin. Already, ponies were flowing in to place their bets, while other ponies were coming up to actually be the racers. Twilight, on her part, had taken the lead…and on hearing the two voice their apparent skepticism, she let out a sigh and an eye roll.
“Let’s just get up there and find a racing form.”
She took the lead again. The two paused momentarily before Sam followed. However, Carl was far more reluctant as he tailed him.
“This is nuts. And you thought I was an idiot. Well…my plan ended up making more money than hers will!” He retorted to Carl.
“Dude…I’ll admit, this is pretty bad. I didn’t even know a goddess gambled. But let’s just go with it for a bit, alright?”
“Go with what? Sam…you don’t honestly think that this is going to work, do you? The only way we’ll get the cash is if she places a bet on a horse with 100 to 1 odds! A pony like that wouldn’t win the race if they were already at the finish line! Then we’ll be back where we started!”
Sam had to admit, he was reluctant. 1,000 bits wasn’t nearly the amount they needed, but if they lost it then they’d have nothing left at all. And they were closing in on the last 24 hours, too… Yet before he could voice any of his concerns, Twilight reached the front gates and the ticket booths and betting stations. Ignoring them, she went to the side where the racks of racing forms were, and picked one off of it. She looked to the others and motioned for them to follow her inside. Sighing, the two did so.
Once in, Twilight went to one of the various convenience areas in the front of the hall where somepony could pause to write something down. She found one that was farther away from anypony else, including ones that were writing at other locations, and then unfurled the racing form. She looked to the others and motioned for them to come in close. Both of them grimaced, but then did as they were told.
Once close, she fixed them both with a hard look.
“Alright…let’s get one thing straight. You never tell anypony about this, especially Princess Celestia.”
The two looked to each other, then back to her. They gave nods.
Twilight exhaled. She looked around to make sure nopony else was even remotely looking in her direction. After that, she looked back to the form and concentrated. Her horn lit up…and purple circles, looking like they were written in marker, proceeded to circle one of the horses on every race listed on the form.
Sam and Carl’s jaws nearly hit the ground.
Twilight, however, cut off the power and quickly opened it up. She looked around for a bit, and then gave a nod. “Alright…the second race for today will have a winner with 100 to 1 odds. Let’s go place a bet on her.”
Neither Sam nor Carl moved.
“You…you just…”
Twilight gave Sam a hard look. “Never. Tell. Anypony.”
“Isn’t that…unethical?” Carl voiced.
“Incredibly.” Twilight responded. “But do you want to raise 100,000 bits, or don’t you?”
Sam blinked. “You…you don’t do that all the time…do you?”
“Of course not!” Twilight retorted. “Who do you think I am? This is a forbidden spell! I’m only using it because it’s an emergency!”
“Can any unicorn do that?”
“No, only alicorns have enough power for it.”
Carl couldn’t help himself. “Does…Princess Celestia…ever…?”
“No!” The mare immediately snapped. However, after a moment, she relented. She looked around herself a moment, then back to the two, speaking more quietly. “At least…not on a regular basis… But didn’t you ever wonder how Canterlot got the money to throw a gigantic wedding for Princess Cadance only to have it destroyed by Changelings yet were able to rebuild it and the city in one day when they only collect sales and property taxes?” 
Pause. 
“…Now you know.”
Sam and Carl were stunned. “We…always thought they used magic…”
Twilight paused as she was about to walk away, and looked to them again. After that, she tapped her horn on the magic purple marks.
“Well…we do, technically.”





After getting over the shock of the dark secret behind Equestria’s wealth, Sam could hardly argue with the benefits. Exactly as Twilight had predicted, a white pony named Angel Food won the second race at noon. By 1 PM, the group had collected their bits. There were so many they had to use a relatively new system…putting the bits on paper slips. Carl complained that paper had no value as opposed to gold coinage, but as none of them could carry around 100,000 gold coins with them, they had to take it. If that wasn’t enough, they seemed to have been lucky enough to evade both the police and Atlas, wherever he was. Now, with the fresh load of money in their possession, Sam and Carl both had their spirits rise. At long last, there was some “light at the end of the tunnel”.
As soon as they had the money, the three moved on, not risking having the supercop pony find them there. As they went down the street, Carl holding onto the money and Twilight falling in alongside, Sam pulled out the conch shell. He held it before him for a moment, slowly exhaling.
“…Now what?” Carl asked.
“Now we wait for them to call.” Sam answered. “And hope they don’t think we tried to jump town when Atlas forced us out of the condo…”
It turned out they didn’t have to wait long. As they walked forth, an aura suddenly went around the conch, and it began to tremble, indicating an incoming call. Sam, Carl, and Twilight looked to each other a moment, then back to the conch. Sam took it up and quickly put it to his head for the speaking part, although it was loud enough for everyone to hear. After tapping the top of it, he spoke into it.
“We’re here.” He started off with.
There was a pause, and then a dangerous voice on the other end, although Carl raised an ear to it. “…Do you have it?”
“We got it. We’re ready to make the trade.” He paused, then said more forcefully. “…I want to hear Dawn.”
There was a pause on the other end of the conch…a rather long one. Finally, the voice responded. “…No.”
Sam hesitated a moment, but then frowned. “If I don’t hear Dawn, you’re not getting the stuff. It’s going in the garbage.”
“Throw what’s mine in the garbage and they’ll never find her corpse or yours. I’m at a restaurant at 203 Sycamore Lane. We’ll make the trade there. I’ll give you one hour to get there. I better only see you two ponies or she’s dead.”
Click.
Sam opened his mouth to protest…but it was too late. Immediately, he frowned and scowled. “Damnit!” He cursed. “We don’t even know if they’ll bring her! They may just take the money and run!”
“You know…that voice seemed a bit familiar…” Carl mused aloud.
“We’re going to have to hurry if we want to get there in one hour.” Twilight answered, ignoring Carl much as Sam did. “Let’s get a move on.”
Sam, however, shook his head. “Oh no…it’s just us, princess. You heard what that guy said. If he sees anypony else, Dawn is dead.”
Twilight frowned. “This is nuts, you know. You’re letting them set all the conditions.”
The blue stallion helplessly shrugged. “What choice do we have? They’ve got us at their mercy so long as they have Dawn…”
The alicorn paused, but finally sighed. “Alright…I’ll go with you until about two blocks away, then I’ll wait for you. Who knows? Maybe I can throw off the trail of the police or Atlas if they come looking for you guys. But you two better be careful. I can’t help you out from that far.”
Sam nodded. “Alright.” He turned to Carl afterward. “Let’s go.”





Almost exactly one hour later, the ponies had arrived. True to her word, Twilight hung back at a distance of two blocks, leaving Sam and Carl to go on without her. As they neared the location, they did indeed see a restaurant. It had its own Pacesian flair on the outside, although it seemed mostly to be a narrow “dive” restaurant. They didn’t see anypony watching them as they approached. Just a few ponies walking down the street or doing day chores and tasks. As they came up close to it, they both stopped for a moment. They looked to each other.
“You got the cash, right?”
Carl tapped his saddlebags. “All there. But…something’s weird, Sam…”
Sam frowned, turned forward, and kept walking. “Not now, Carl.”
“Dude, it’s just something real quick-”
“I said not now!”
“Look…dude…check out this restaurant. Look at the characters. The décor. This isn’t a Pacesian restaurant, it’s a Trampanese. I’m pretty sure kirins are exclusive to Pacesia…”
“Carl! Be quiet! Besides, you didn’t even know what a kirin was yesterday!”
“Yeah but I learn quick-”
“Carl…just shut up this time! Stop getting us into trouble! Stop obsessing over stupid crap! Just shut up and go along with it!”
The green stallion sighed and frowned, continuing to follow. Soon, the two reached the front door of the eatery and pushed their way inside.
Aside from the décor everywhere (Trampanese, as Carl observed, rather than Pacesian), and the dim lighting, one of the things that Sam noticed almost immediately was that the place was empty. Granted, most Pacesian restaurants were never really full and it was past lunch, but the place looked like it hadn’t been touched all day. Not only that, but there were only three employees there: one at the counter and two waiters. They weren’t exactly the “friendly” type either. They only fixed the two with a hard glare. And as they saw them, their look grew harder and harder. Carl noticed this and began to swallow. Sam, on the other hand, bit back his own fear and stayed on task.
After a moment, Carl began to sniff the air, making a face. Sam ignored it and looked to the counter, where the worker gave him a dark, hollow look.
“Um…we’re here to make a ‘trade’…if that means anything to you.” He said quietly.
The worker stared back darkly. “…Sam Listen’s-to-Carl’s-Problems and Incarlsistency, I presume?” He said in a grim voice.
It was enough to unsettle Sam a bit, but he nodded.
“Wait here a moment.”
He looked to the waiters and made a gesture. Immediately, they all turned and left the front room, going instead for the doors in the back, that seemed to lead to a larger eatery area set off from the “general area”. They opened them up and stepped inside. For a moment, the two ponies were left standing alone. Carl continued to sniff the air, making a face, before looking to Sam.
“Dude…I smell rotten cheese.” He muttered.
“I don’t care, Carl.”
“No, really, man. What sort of Trampanese restaurant has cheese at all? Let alone-”
“Knock it off!”
The door to the back opened, and the stallion from the counter looked out at them darkly.
“…Come back here.”
Sam swallowed. Carl looked nervous. The two exchanged a look, and then began to move forward. It was odd…both of them felt anxious, obviously, walking back to the room…but they felt far more so than they should have. In spite of Sam’s repeated calls for Carl to be quiet about everything, he began to get the sensation that something wasn’t right here either… Nevertheless, they both made it to the door. Yet rather than hold it open for them, the worker shut the door in their faces.
Both ponies looked uneasy at that. They swapped looks, then turned back. Reluctantly, both of them reached out and opened the doors. As they interior was revealed, both froze in place.
There was not an elegant dining room set up in Pacesian, Trampanese, or any other style on the other side. Instead, the walls seemed to be coated and molded with some sort of grayish-green resin, looking like some sort of “hive” structure. If that wasn’t enough, a number of green chrysalises large enough to hold full-sized ponies were hanging from the ceiling…
Both Sam and Carl began to turn white again.
“…We’re f***ed.” Carl muttered…before the workers from earlier suddenly shot out, seized either pony, and yanked them inside before slamming the doors shut behind them.
As both were dragged inside, now quite fearful and petrified, they turned around to see the workers, whose eyes flashed emerald green, turn to the door and open wide…soon spitting out a great deal of greenish-gray slime over the doors that rapidly solidified…and sealing their escape. After that, they moved in behind them with a ravenous look. As for Sam and Carl, they both looked nervously to one another, and then back into the chamber. It was mostly dark and shadowy now. The only light came from lime-green patches of the resin material that seemed to glow. Yet as they all looked at that, something moved in the shadows. Both wanted to recoil, but the “ponies” behind them shoved them forward roughly, forcing them to step onto some of the resin material as well…including some “fresh” parts that were still slimy.
The shadow lingered in the back for a moment, but then began to come forward.
“Come now…Sam and Carl…was it?” A male’s voice rang out. “Don’t you like where the Manehattan branch of ‘Solar Cycle Express’ relocated to?”
Both Sam and Carl blinked for a moment.
“…There’s that voice again.” Carl said quietly.
The shape slowly stepped out of the shadows and into the pale green light, revealing a face that made both Sam and Carl gasp.
It was the broad, smiling, but no longer jovial face of their boss from Solar Cycle Express. His look was more malicious now, more cruel and demented.
Sam was stunned. “…Package Deal? You? But…I thought the mob killed you when the Vices came looking for us at work…”
In response, the fat stallion merely gave a dark snicker. “…Package Deal?” He echoed. “Now whoever might that be?” He paused, then suddenly looked up. “Oh…I know. You’re thinking of him…am I right?”
Immediately, green spectral flames ignited in midair around one of the chrysalises. As a result, it illuminated one of them…and revealed through the transparent surface something inside…
A withered out husk of a pony, dead for a few hours now yet dried out like a mummy, from the looks, that wore one of Package Deal’s shirts and nametags, as well as had the remains of facial hair where he had it was inside.
Sam and Carl literally clutched each other in fright and gave a scream.
“Celestia and Luna!”
“Motherf***er!”
Both of them snapped down to “Package Deal”, who grinned at them evilly.
“…Then who the hell are you?!” Sam retorted.
“Sam…I really don’t think we want to know the answer to that…” Carl muttered.
However, in response, the stallion began to chuckle as, in a flash of light and power, he suddenly erupted into green spectral flame. He continued to chuckle evilly as his teeth grew long and sharp, his fat slimmed down, his body grew taller and lankier, his facial hair fell off and his existing hair became long, green, and grungy, a twisted horn erupted from his head, insect-like wings came out of his back, and his skin turned black. Of course, by the time that was done, it wasn’t really a “he” anymore…but someone that the two ponies knew from the news.
“Oh my…” The evil-thing-in-pony-form stated in a voice that sounded like a mixture of a cruel mare and an insect. “You two are lucky I’ve eaten enough fear over the past few weeks to have the taste of it stuck to the roof of my mouth, or right now I’d find it hard to resist the feast you are offering…”
Both ponies were trembling and swallowing now.
“That’s…Chrysalis, Sam…”
“Yeah…I guessed that, Carl…”
“…But is she ‘Queen’ Chrysalis or just Chrysalis? I mean, they all call her Chrysalis, but she’s the queen of the Changelings…so do they really use ‘Queen Chrysalis’? Or is it just understood that Chrysalis is a queen and so that title is redun-”
“SHUT UP!” The changeling suddenly snapped. 
Both immediately went rigid and recoiled slightly, cowering before her. After a moment, however, Carl quickly whispered an aside to Sam.
“Next time I tell you I smell rotting cheese…”
“Right now, you two morons are probably soiling yourselves wondering how you got into this.” Chrysalis hissed, beginning to smile again. “Well, as you can see from my lovely ‘decorations’ hanging from the ceiling, you weren’t the first unsuspecting ponies who wandered into my grasp. Ever since I managed to return to this part of Equestria I’ve been using miserable foals such as yourselves to plot against this country…and to get the occasional ‘snack’, of course. Things have been going well if not terribly slowly…” She continued as she began to walk over to one side of the hive chamber. “Even if not all of our ‘subplans’ have gone as well as we had hoped…”
In spite of the situation, Sam swallowed enough to speak. “What…what kind of subplans?”
Chrysalis waved a hoof. “Oh…hiring ourselves out as birthday clowns…presiding over showers as decorators...conducting field trips…anywhere we can find lots of happy ponies full of love and get an excellent meal, really. One of our better plans that ultimately fell through was to provide shake formulas to Marble Creamery that were filled with decent-sized amounts of cocaine. Get the regular customers addicted until they love them more than anything…then feed off that love.”
Sam’s jaw dropped again. He looked to Carl…who had a similar look on his face as he would if he had just found out his father was an alien.
“Pity that restaurant went out of business…” Chrysalis mused, before shaking her head. “But no matter. The time for our revenge and conquest of Equestria grows ever nearer. I found this city quite useful in that regard…” She grinned wickedly at the thought. “Millions of ponies live here, with thousands of buildings and businesses… You’d think somepony somewhere would notice when something went wrong…like their boss acting differently…or their neighbor no longer walking their dog… But no…the ponies here are wonderfully self-absorbed and self-important, and so used to seeing ponies they deem as ‘living refuse’ that they never give a thought to anything but their own little happiness…” She chuckled. “Give me Manehattan over a royal wedding any day of the week when it comes to ‘hiding in plain sight’. And in terms of finding plenty of peons all too willing to do anything for a few extra bits…” She turned with a dark smile to Sam and Carl.
“Like you two, for example. You aren’t the first patzies I’ve used since I ‘set up shop’. These delivery companies are all too wonderful for shipping anything into and out of this city with no one being the wiser. Magic relics…my loyal changelings…” She let out a single chuckle. “…The occasional meal ‘to-go’…”
She turned fully to them and began to advance. “And on that lovely note…how about you two hand over what I want before I wrap you in airtight cocoons and watch you asphyxiate, hmm?”
In spite of his tremendous fear, Sam managed to call. "What about our end of the deal? Where's Dawn?"
Chrysalis let out a dark laugh. "I have no idea who this 'Dawn' is that you seem intent upon, but when you called wanting to see her, who was I not to exploit it?"
Sam went wide-eyed. "You mean...you don't have her?"
"Are you going to hand over what's mine or am I going to have to hang you two from the ceiling along with the rest of your former co-workers?"
Both Sam and Carl swallowed. The green stallion quickly muttered to his side. “You heard the bug…er…mare…er…lady…er…female-gendered monster, Sam.”
Sam looked to him slightly. “Carl, we need that money for-”
“We aren’t going to save your girlfriend having the love siphoned out of us while we’re encased in goo, Sam!” Carl retorted. “We’ll have to get it back another way!” With that, before Sam could protest anymore, he reached behind him, undid the flap on his saddlebag, and then grabbed the sack with the paper bills inside of it. Immediately, he snapped his head out and flung it forward at Chrysalis’ feet.
“There! Take it!”
Chrysalis’ smile faded. She looked down to the sack, seeing several of the bill wads had slid out and clearly showed money. She looked for a moment, and then back up to Sam and Carl. She stared for a few seconds, before she began to walk forward, right over the sack. Both ponies gulped. They tried to back up…only to run into the staff, who immediately shoved them forward. Between their movement and Chrysalis’, they soon faced each other.
And the moment they did, Chrysalis’ mouth opened wide and inhaled sharply over both of them. Both ponies immediately screamed in agony as small plumes of smoke condensed around their heads, and then were sucked through the air and into Chrysalis’ own gaping mouth, which slammed shut soon after with a lick of the lips. As for Sam and Carl, both of them grasped their heads in pain and staggered back.
“Son-of-a-bitch!” Carl shouted. “Who would have thought becoming indifferent to whipped cream would hurt so much!”
“Whipped cream?! That’s all she sucked out of you?!” Sam retorted. “I don’t like any of the songs that they played in high school now!”
“If you two idiots are finished,” Chrysalis hissed. “The next thing out of your mouths had better be where the crate is.”
Both Sam and Carl winced a moment, but then turned to her in confusion.
“What? The crate?”
“That’s what you want?”
The changeling hissed. “…You brainless earth ponies are literate, are you not? What part of my message that I left behind at that branch office did you not understand?”
Both Sam and Carl were surprised. “Wait…that was you?”
“Of course it was me, morons!” She hissed. She gestured to the corpse in the cocoon behind her. “I ran into this fat bastard while trying to find a new delivery company to use. He was stupid, incompetent, and overly friendly…ultimately making him a more satisfying dish in that regard. Best of all, he had gotten himself intertwined with the Vices and he been helping their drug smuggling. It was too perfect. If I could get him to think he was running a shipment of drugs when, in reality, he would be running one of my ‘special packages’, then the blame would fall both on him as well as the ‘delivery boys’ I told him to hire. A few of my changelings go out to the target destination and impersonate the dealers. Meanwhile, you were to bring the crate to that warehouse, where the Vices would swap out the wrong crate, courtesy of me. You end up delivering my package to my changelings, working a ‘legitimate’ position where everything is made ‘squeaky clean’, and I got the crate out of the city. After all of that ‘laundering’, if anyone tried to track the crate it would either fall on the Vices or fall upon the delivery company, and no one would ever suspect I had run something underneath it.
“But it seems, too bad for me, that the dolt’s mind got too wiped after I started feeding on him and brainwashing him. He forgot the most basic thing…namely telling you foals where to make the drop off! Because of your little antics in that warehouse, the Vices started to smell a rat far earlier than they should have…and to compound things, you idiots delivered the crate to the wrong spot!
“So bright and early, my changelings and I went to the branch office and, after having a nice breakfast of the employees and taking their place, we tore up the building looking for the record of where you delivered the crate and found nothing, since you two had forged the slip. On top of that, the police were already sniffing around. So…to cover my tracks and to send a ‘message’, I burned down the place. With us impersonating your co-workers, it didn’t take long to get the police after you. I tried finding you at your condo as well…and when that failed, we left a contact for you as well as two of my minions. When you drove off, we tried to tail you, thinking you’d lead us to the drop off point…although somehow you managed to avoid that through a mixture of my minions’ stupidity and luck. Now, on that note…”
She began to curl her lips, showing her sharp teeth as she glared murderously at the two.
“I want the crate…right now.”
Both Sam and Carl were trembling a bit, but couldn’t say anything. They offered an innocent shrug.
“Well…uh…er…the truth is we don’t have it.” Sam answered, before quickly adding. “I mean, not right now! But we can get it! It’s just…we figured you wanted the money so we focused on that.”
Chrysalis leaned up a bit, and then snorted. “What use would I have for money?”
“Well, come on…” Carl added. “I mean…that’s 100,000 bits! I’m sure it can replace a huge thing of sprinkles or whatever was in there.”
The changeling looked at both of them in a slight hint of puzzlement for a moment of silence. Then, she scowled. “…You two glue-for-brains ponies really don’t know anything, do you?” Immediately, she burst into a grin and let out a dark chuckle as she turned away and began to walk to another side of the chamber. “I can’t believe this… Such idiocy is all too rare! Only to be found among the insipid denizens of Equestria!”
She soon reached the side, and, on doing so, her own twisted horn ignited, lifting up something soon after…a newspaper. She looked back to the two ponies and levitated it over to them. “Perhaps this will make it a bit more obvious for you two, in spite of your lack of intelligence…”
The paper soon reached them, and the spell released it, dropping it on the floor in front of them. The two proceeded to look at it.
The front page read: ‘Princess Celestia Still Missing: Feared Victim of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Kidnappers’.
Immediately, they both gasped as the realization slowly came upon them. They began to quiver once again as horror twisted their stomachs. They stared at the first four words and read them again and again, thinking how heavy the crate was, how it was more than big enough for a large alicorn to fit inside…
“Understand now, my little ponies?” Chrysalis hissed. “Because of you two, the first step in my conquest of Equestria has been delayed! I finally organized an ambush and kidnapping of your dear Celestia. I managed to poison her with enough horse tranquilizer in her favorite tea to keep her unconscious for a week, and trapped her in a crate lined with baby oil and peanut butter…”
Carl elbowed Sam on hearing this. “Told you.”
“And I meant to ship her a safe distance out of this city where I could dispose of her, and then take her place! The love that you simpletons have for your goddess would have given me more than enough power to crush Equestria under my heel.”
Sam looked up to her. “Wait…why couldn’t you just kill her here?”
“The same reason I had to keep Cadance alive.” The changeling answered. “Alicorns and unicorns never ‘go quietly’. Killing them in a populated area sends out a wave for miles that ponies can sense. Earth ponies and pegasi would have known, and unicorns could have traced me. What…did you foals think I just kept her alive in a fairly-simple-to-escape-and-navigate mine located right under where the wedding was going to be held and guarded by three easily-avoidable brainwashed ponies on the vain hope she wouldn’t get out until she starved to death?”
Sam and Carl paused. They both looked to each other, then back to her.
“…Yeah, actually.” The blue stallion answered.
“But wait a second…” Carl suddenly spoke up. “How is the sun coming up every day?”
Chrysalis frowned. “…How did the moon come out for the past thousand years?”
“…Good point.”
“WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS TO YOU?!” Chrysalis suddenly snapped, shaking her head, and making both ponies recoil and cower again. “I don’t want your worthless money! I want the crate! Why in the world would you think I wanted 100,000 bits?!”
Both held a moment, before Carl began to speak up again. “Hey, that’s what the Vices wanted from us! How were we supposed to know you wanted that?”
“You’re the one who set us up as fall guys!” Sam added. “Now they want us to pay the bits for the drugs you stole from them by noon tomorrow!”
“And if we don’t, they’re going to off Sam’s girlfriend!” Carl finished.
Chrysalis, on hearing this, suddenly paused, her anger abating. “…Girlfriend?” She echoed. Suddenly, a look of realization went over her. "Ah...so that's who this 'Dawn' is..."
Sam paled on seeing that. He began to sweat. Yet Carl didn’t get the hint. “Actually, it’s his fiancée. The whole reason we took the job to get the money was…”
He trailed off on seeing Sam, and immediately realized his mistake.
“…was to get me a new wagon! You know…I like the hot rods!” Carl instantly finished.
Chrysalis, however, didn’t seem to notice. She paused a moment, before smiling a bit more. “Well now…that’s even better.”
She turned her head slightly to the sack of cash on the floor. A moment later, her horn glowed…and resin material covered it, sealing it in a groove.
Sam nearly gasped. “Hey!”
“I think I’ll hang onto this for safekeeping. And by safekeeping…I mean insurance.” Chrysalis spoke with a cruel smile as she looked back to them. “It seems this money may mean nothing to me…but it’s quite important to you. It’s your bride-to-be’s life, isn’t it?”
Carl began to grimace at what he had just done, but Sam was too upset to look to him, instead filling with fear as he looked at the now-inaccessible cash. 
“Well then…let’s make this more intriguing, hmm? You boys have to be somewhere at noon tomorrow, yes? Well then…at 11 AM, I want the crate. Unopened, of course. I’ll tell you where just like I told you now…but don’t worry, I won’t make it far from where you’ll conduct your other transaction. After all…I’ll want to be close by.”
She walked forward and held up a hoof, slowly running it along Sam’s cheek.
“Because if you can’t find that crate, I will have a marvelous feast prepared for me as I devour the outpouring of love you and your precious fiancée have for one another before the Vices kill her in front of you…”
Sam stared back, his face a mixture of anguish, but also anger at this. However, before either emotion could win out, she removed her hoof.
“Now…get out of here before I have you two for tea time…in the worst way.”


To be continued...