//------------------------------// // Intermission (V) // Story: The Last Equestrian Princess // by Dr_DeDeDe //------------------------------// Selected Passages from Letter to Princess Celestia Excerpts From HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Personal Memoirs Part 5 Dear Princess Celestia, It seems that I owe you a long overdue apology. It turns out that you weren’t as careless with your money as Harrier led me to believe. I guess I should have realized that the pony put in charge of keeping me up to date on our financial situation can pretty much tell me whatever she wants. I’ve got my best guards looking into the matter with some members of the treasury department but I think it’s safe to say that our Ex-Chancellor is going to be in for a long stint in Raven Rock…unless she wants to turn over her accomplices and testify against them. Oh right, let me catch you up on that. It appears that Harrier had a nice little cottage industry going with certain members of parliament, accepting disgustingly large bribes to “influence” (read: manipulate) me into enacting policies that privilege their wants and needs over the good of Equestria. I’m embarrassed to say that Harrier bamboozled me with legal mumbo jumbo and got me to essentially sign blank checks for her friends in parliament to cash in at the expense of the Equestrian people. I can’t believe that I never caught wind of what she was up to, but if I’m being completely honest I was never that good at reading social situations. That was always Rarity’s forte and she pretty much spotted Harrier’s secret dealings with parliament at that lunch party all those months ago. I’m starting to see why Harrier worked so hard to keep us apart; she wouldn’t have been able to slip as much as she did past me if I had Rarity or Applejack watching her every move. I almost appreciate the skill with which Harrier deceived me for so long. Then I remember that she’s a lying, manipulative harpy who tried to poison my relationships and run my life. And then I don’t appreciate her so much anymore. Fraud. Embezzlement. Corruption. Conspiracy to Commit Legal Fraud. Facilitating Unlawful Corruption in Parliament. Light Treason. Mail Fraud. Any one of these offenses would be enough to ship Harrier off to the darkest cell in Raven Rock until her mane turns grey and her teeth fall out. But as tempting as it is to just throw the book at her, I’m beginning to see Harrier as a tiny part of a bigger issue; namely that Canterlot is full of scheming, manipulative backstabbers more concerned with their own personal power plays than doing their jobs and representing their constituents. And I’ve never been one to treat the symptoms when I have the chance to cure the disease. So let’s see if Harrier wants to turn over her friends in exchange for a lighter jail sentence. Twilight Dear Princess Celestia, After consulting with my war council (for the moment, Sunset Shimmer and Rarity) I’ve decided to hold a garden party. I decided to invite all of Chancellor Harrier’s good friends to the castle to thank them for doing such a wonderful job and remind them that I now have enough dirt on them to completely destroy their personal and political lives. You see, it turns out that Harrier didn’t quite trust her comrades as much as I trust mine and she kept a rather detailed list of her co-conspirator’s...less than reputable activities to keep them in line in case any of them got cold hooves and thought about turning her in to me. I won’t go into details and it’s nothing illegal as far as I can tell. But it is humiliating enough to ensure that none of them will ever be elected to public office again. I wanted to go public with this information, especially with elections coming up, but Rarity counseled against it, reasoning that it was more useful to have a bunch of active politicians terrified to cross me than a bunch of ex-politicians who are no use to anypony. (Sidebar; I’m a little scared of Rarity now.) So I thought it was only fair to let everypony know exactly where they stand. I think I’ll serve some tea, some light sandwiches and remind them that while going public with this information would hurt me and make me look stupid for being led around, it would completely destroy them. I’m going to remind them that their friend Harrier is going to get chewed up by the press as she prepares for a trial that could put her away for the rest of her natural life. I’m going to warn them that I can do the same thing to any one of them with single letter to the press and the name of the game now is “Do Your Jobs and Make Princess Twilight Happy Or She’s Going To Screw You Over So Hard That Your Grandfoals Are Going To Pay For It.” Which is one of my new favorite games, by the way. Also, I think I’m going to serve lemon bars; what do you think? I know it’s not summer yet and they’re not exactly in season but I thought they would go well with the tea and I’ve kind of been craving them lately. Eh, I’ll get some for me at least; I doubt my guests will have much of an appetite once I’ve finished with them. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some politicians to terrorize. Twilight Dear Princess Celestia, Rainbow Dash is getting married. … To two different ponies. … At the same time. … Yeah. … Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Needless to say, this wasn’t the news I thought I was going to be receiving when Rainbow Dash invited us all out to dinner last night. I knew that Rainbow Dash had been seeing two ponies for some time now but I always assumed that they didn’t know about each other. So of course, I was surprised to find out that not only were Spitfire and Soarin perfectly aware that Rainbow Dash was dating both of them, they were something of an item themselves. And, in what Rainbow Dash described as an “epic display of aerial affection,” they both proposed to her on the same night. Yeah, apparently Rainbow Dash’s love triangles resolve like the harem ending of a bizarre Neighponese dating sim. Not that I have any experience with that kind of thing. I always knew that it would be weird when my friends started doing “adult” stuff like buying houses and having foals but I have to be honest, I never expected Rainbow Dash to be the first of us to tie the knot. I thought the smart money was on Rarity for that one so I guess I owe Spike fifty bits when he gets back from Neighpon. I don’t know…it’s a little weird to me I guess. I mean, plural marriage isn’t as common as it used to be when mares had to double up on stallions just to keep our population up but apparently it hasn’t fallen completely out of practice. I can’t even imagine getting married to one pony at this point in my life; getting married to two feels even more unreal. Though if Sunset and Flash brought it up, I’m not saying I wouldn’t give the thought due consideration. It’s not that I’m not happy for her because I really am! Just from the short time I’ve spent with them at dinner tonight, I can tell that Soarin and Spitfire seem like great ponies and the three of them really seem to complete each other. Spitfire is a more Type-A version of Rainbow Dash while Soarin’s more levelheaded nature keeps the group grounded. I think for Rainbow Dash to find one partner that complements her personality and another that balances her out is a blessing. I was a little upset that I didn’t get the bridesmare invitation at first but I thought that it was just because of the time we spent apart. So of course I was completely stunned when Rainbow Dash asked me to officiate the ceremony. I was a little unsure about it at first but Rainbow Dash seemed to sense my hesitation and took me aside to assure me that being a princess had nothing to do with why she wanted me to preside over the ceremony. She just thought that, given my “propensity for verbosity” (wow somepony got her a word of the day calendar) I would be happier taking charge of the ceremony. After all, Applejack is catering, Rarity is designing the dresses, and Pinkie Pie has called planning the party; so why shouldn’t I get to do something that makes use of my talents too? I guess I really can’t refuse, can I? At any rate, I have a while before I have to start thinking about how I’m going to preside over the ceremony. Soarin wants to let the engagement mature a bit and Rainbow and Spitfire want to plan the most over the top wedding celebration in history so we have some time before the wedding. I’m really happy for them, Rainbow Dash in particular. There was a time when I couldn’t even conceive of Rainbow Dash being mature enough to settle down but somehow…I think she’s really grown up over the years. And I’m really proud of her for that and I’m so happy that she wants me to be part of her special day. There was a time not too long ago when I thought that I would never be part of my friend’s lives anymore. Now…well, now I’m just glad that we all have an opportunity to celebrate together again. Twilight Dear Fluttershy, Sorry that I haven’t written you lately. I’ve had a lot on my plate recently and haven’t been able to write as much as I would have liked. If Princess Celestia is floating around anywhere near you, you can ask her and she’ll tell you all about it. A lot has been going on and I thought I should keep you in the loop. I finally got that animal shelter off the ground. We’re just starting up, just a little building and a couple of kennels in Ponyville. But I hope to grow it into a much larger place as soon as I can find some ponies to staff it. Most of your friends are already back in the wild or in new homes but the ones that are left are taking to the new shelter nicely. Except…nopony has been able to find Angel Bunny; not for almost two years now. He jimmied the lock of his cage open when we were moving him from your house to the Apple's barn and scampered off into the Everfree Forest before I could stop him. I think he knew you weren’t coming back anymore and decided he didn’t want anything to do with the rest of us. I’m sure he’ll be find on his own; he was always…assertive for a rabbit. I think you raised him well enough to fend for himself and…I don’t think he would have wanted to stick around with ponies who weren’t you anyway so- Oh, I adopted a family of mice a little while ago! I found them poking around the kitchen and managed to save them from the chef’s mallet. I bought a little dollhouse for them to play around in and a little habitat for them to sleep in at night. I’ve been feeding them cheese for months now but I guess I should probably find them some less fattening fare, right? What was that stuff you kept your rodent friends fed with? Ah, I’ll ask some of the mares at the shelter; I’m sure they’ll steer me straight. Everypony here is doing very well for herself. Applejack is thinking of expanding the family business even further than she already has. She’s buying up land in the Everfree Forest and cultivating it for apple production. She’s got a new barn that churns out Granny Smith’s Homemade Apple Cider year round to ship off to cites all over Equestria. The only one growing faster than Applejack is Rarity. I’m starting to see that familiar diamond cutie mark on tags and in store windows in Canterlot more and more these days. I doubt you would recognize the Carousel Boutique anymore; she’s converted everything except her bedroom into a large design studio and is designing up a storm. Pinkie Pie is her usual self, still baking and partying up a storm. A little less…hyper I think but not any less cheerful. She took over the Sugarcube Corner from the Cakes a little while ago and seems to be hellbent on rotting every pony in Ponyville’s teeth out, either with her sweets or her saccharine PDA's with her new boyfriend Braeburn...yeah, that Braeburn. They suit each other well but more than three minutes in their company gives me a headache. Spike is…he’s doing well from what I can tell. Neighpon seems to be taking up most of his attention since I barely hear from him lately. He’s living with my Uncle Ryo and from what he tells me, Spike has made tons of new friends lately. There was even a rumor going around that he was dating a Neighponese idol singer…or was it the local inn manager’s daughter…hm…I forget. At any rate, I think it turned out for the best that he left Equestria for schooling; I’m ashamed to say that Neighponese schools appreciate him more than Equestrian schools would have. I guess the biggest news of all is that our little Rainbow Dash is the first of us to get married. … Yeah, I know, that was my reaction too. She’s marrying two of her wingmates in a year’s time, just as soon as Spike gets home from Neighpon. Rainbow Dash wanted to invite you but I thought you might be busy with afterlife stuff...unless you want to drop by that is. You know, grab some cake, catch the bouquet, unravel the mysteries of the world beyond the living in front of a crowd of terrified mortals. That was a joke. Unless you’re serious. In which case some warning might be nice; I don’t think Rainbow Dash would appreciate a heart attack for a wedding present. All kidding aside…they’re good ponies. And they make her happy. And they’re going to take care of her like she needs to be taken care of…like you would have wanted to. You would be so proud of her. You always were but I think she’s finally becoming the pony she was always meant to be; the pony that you always saw her as. Somepony brave and trustworthy and hard-working and determined. And I think in some small way she has you to thank for that. I’m sorry, but I didn’t exactly tell you what you wanted me to tell her. She took your passing really badly and I didn’t need to add another “what if” on top of the pile she already stacked on her shoulders. Hate me if you want but I told her that you always believed in her. And I think that inspired her more than anything to really go out and get what deserved. She thought so highly of you that she’s been working herself tirelessly to live up to your expectations. She’s a great leader and an even greater flier but- I think she would have traded all of this, all the fame and success that came from her work, just to have you stand beside her on her wedding day. I know I would. And that’s why there’s not going to be a mare of honor at her ceremony; because the only pony for the job isn’t here to celebrate with us. I love you, I miss you, and I will write again soon. Twilight Dear Princess Celestia, Happy Anniversary to me! … Okay, I know it isn’t my second coronation anniversary yet but since my friends missed the last party (and since we’ve got about a year of missed birthdays and holidays to make up) we decided to get together in Ponyville to celebrate them all at once. Pinkie Pie is calling it “The New Grandgallopingwarmingbirthdayversary Gala.” I’m amazed that she managed to fit all that on one cake but I’m even more surprised that everybody from Ponyville insisted that I bring Flash and Sunset down with me. I figured, after the year we’ve had as a group, they would want some alone time but Rarity made a good point; if it wasn’t for Sunset and Flash forcing everypony to listen to me, we might have never gotten another opportunity to celebrate like this. Without their help, I would have never found out that Harrier was lying to me or convinced my friends to accept my apology. I guess I owe them a lot now that I think about it and I wonder…I wonder if you wanted me to meet them. I wonder if you had some idea of the challenges I was going to face and wanted to make sure that I had all the friends I could need. And I’ve certainly needed them; that’s for sure It’s been a hell of a couple of years; I’m not going to lie. First Shining Armor and Cadence, then Fluttershy, then you and Luna, then this mess with Harrier. The hits felt like they were never going to stop coming and I barely had time to process one catastrophe before another came along and knocked me off my hooves again. But now I feel like things might actually be going my way for the first time in a long time. We have so much to celebrate, my friends and I, it’s hard to think that one party (even a Pinkie Pie Party) can celebrate it all. Rainbow Dash is getting married. Spike is coming home soon. The post coronation power grab seems to have been truly and soundly defeated. I’m finally getting things accomplished on my own. And most importantly, I am back together with the dearest ponies in the world to me. This will be the final entry in this journal as I'm running out of room and want to keep it as a token of my first year of solo princessing. As rough as it’s been, things are starting to look up. Don’t worry about us too much; I think Equestria is going to be just fine No. I think Equestria is going to be better than it ever was. It hasn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination but I’m doing my best to make sure the trust you had for me wasn’t misplaced. I fully intend to put your rule to shame and become the best damn princess this country has ever seen! I have to go; Pinkie wants to cut the cake now and you do not keep that mare waiting on sweets. All My Love, Twilight. Editor's Note: We hope you have enjoyed this brief excerpt from Letters to Princess Celestia. This marks the end of Princess Twilight's first journal and the beginning of what many historians believe to be the most tumultuous time in Equestrian history. We hope you will stay with us as Princess Twilight is tested even further, learns the true meaning of sacrifice, and understands the cost of ruling a princedom alone. Sincerely, Terra Nova