Rainbow Dash squinted, then squinted some more. She leaned back from where she perched on a hilltop, surrounded by dense shrubbery.
Roarke spoke. “It’s a village--”
“I can see that it’s a village!” Rainbow Dash grunted, pointing at a cluster of buildings huddled around a bend in the river. A bridge connected two halves of a bustling marketplace while wooden riverboats rolled in and out of the densely packed docks. “But, like, who does it belong to? Ledomare? Xona? Psychopathic cultists with the thirst for random violence?!”
“I think it’s simply what it looks like, Rainbow Dash,” Roarke droned through her helmet. “It’s a trading village on the river. There are dozens more just like it all across this part of the continent. Locals traverse the multitude of streams between here and the Southern Ocean, carrying spices and farming tools on riverboats.”
“And you’re sure this is where our target ended?” Rainbow Dash asked, glancing down at the soft earth where the hooftracks had ended, along with the twin grooves of a dragged sled. “What if he or she took a riverboat from here? If so, they could be anywhere north or south of us!”
“I doubt that very much.”
“Why so?”
“What these ‘Heraldites’ possess in steam tech, they appear to lack in gold. And a piss-poor religious zealot on a mission to woo a prophesied pegasus doesn’t make good hitchhiking material. Besides, the ponies of these marshlands aren’t known for their hospitality. More than likely or not, our misfortunate little survivor was robbed blind, and his body left beaten in a ditch somewhere.”
“Well, that settles it, then.” Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and began hovering. “Let’s go scanning for ditches--”
Sighing, Roarke hooked a cable of metal around Rainbow’s tail and yanked her back down to earth.
“Owie!”
“I didn’t mean literally, ‘Harbinger.’ Realistically speaking, he’s probably being held somewhere against his will. They’ll likely try to put his body to good use, like selling him to slave traders the next time they paddle up to the market here.”
“Yeesh.” Rainbow Dash grimaced. “Y’know, you ponies have some serious problems with that kind of junk this far east.”
“I never said I was the biggest fan of the circumstances, though they have done quite a bit to assist my lucrative efforts in the past.”
“Spoken like a true flankhole.”
“Cute.” Roarke pivoted and motioned towards a three-story wooden building affixed to a rotating water mill. “I suggest we go there first.”
“Where? The mill?”
“It was likely something to that extent decades ago, but judging from the elaborate facade, I do believe it’s been converted to a tavern of sorts.”
“A tavern…”
“Yes.”
“Why a place that serves drinks, huh?” Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not hopping off some invisible metal hiccup wagon, are ya?”
“If we stand to risk losing our target, it’s best that we question those who may be responsible for his or her disappearance. And there’s no better place to do that than where all shifty and morally-bankrupt characters congregate.”
Rainbow Dash stared, blinked. “The post office?”
Groaning, Roarke stood up. “Fine. Stay here and make jokes, I’m going to go knock answers out of a few skulls.”
“Whoah whoah whoah…” Rainbow Dash held a hoof on the mare’s metal shoulder. “You can’t seriously be expecting to just march in through the front saloon doors in all that junk you’ve got hanging off your flank!”
Roarke’s head pivoted towards the side. “Why not? I’ve done it before.”
“Oh yeah?!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “And just how many of those places were still standing by the time you were done doing your business?”
Roarke stared off. She shrugged as her voice rang through the helmet. “One or two of them didn’t burn to the ground… that badly.”
“Yeah, uhm, I know we’re desperate to find out what happened to Kera and all, but I’m not about to raise discord over the bodies of a bunch of clueless yokels!” Rainbow Dash pointed down at the tavern. “You yourself said that these aren’t exactly the hospitable bunch. What guarantee do we have that they won’t just try and tear you to pieces and sell your parts to sky pirates?”
“I think my incendiary missiles might have an argument with them.”
“Yeah, and that’s the kind of stuff I want to avoid!” Rainbow Dash growled. “For all we know, Kera herself may even be in there! What if we accidentally hurt her?!”
“I think you’re overthinking this.”
“And I believe you’re underthinking this, Doarke most Rare!” Rainbow scowled. “Can we keep the body toll to a minimum, please?”
Roarke sighed, shaking her head. “Just what is it that you want from me, Rainbow…?”
“Do what you do best!” Rainbow blinked, then winced. “I-I-I mean what you do second best! Use your brain! Find us a way to get in there so that the guys and gals hanging out will wanna talk the trade instead of bash our brains in! Cuz there’s a whole lotta the latter going on, and it’s driving me bananas!”
“Can’t we just let me do an aerial bombardment?” Roarke droned.
“Over my dead body!” Rainbow barked.
Roarke leaned forward. She tapped the tip of her helmet in thought. “Hmmm… that’s not such a bad idea.”
Rainbow blinked. “What.”
“And then…” A red-faced earth pony teetered on his stool, spitting across the hazy air of the tavern. “I said, ‘Girl, if you could fit an entire trout up there, why’d you dump me in the first place?!’ Hah hah hah!”
The pony next to him slammed his mug into the stallion’s laughing face. The first pony gargled on his juices and fell to the ground in a twitching spasm. “Unnngh… What an insult to trout.” He turned and slapped the counter top. “Bartender! Another beer! This time with less blood in it!”
Just then, the tavern doors busted open from behind.
Two dozen unsavory figures swiveled about in their seats, squinting over ale froth and tobacco smoke.
Roarke stood in the doorway, and she had a body slumped over her spine. “What are you breeders looking at?!” she hissed through her helmet, trotting forward on heavy horseshoes. “I’ve just made the catch of my life, and I’m waiting here for my client to arrive. Any of you wastes of sperm touch the merchandise, and I’ll send your skin straight to Searo’s grave for the Goddess’ ethereal foals to suckle on.”
“Oh no…” Rainbow Dash muttered, her bored eyes gazing past her quadruply bound hooves. “I am so totally captured. This is the worst thing in the history of everything.”
“Quiet, you!” Roarke shrugged her shoulders, tossing Rainbow Dash like a wet slab of meat over the end of the bar.
“Ooof!” Rainbow Dash turned and squinted angrily at the metal mare. “Hey, watch it--Mmmmf!”
Roarke had shoved an empty mug between Rainbow’s gaping jaws. “As you can see, she’s a chatty one. Ledomare wants to pay a Queen’s fortune for her, literally, though I don’t know why.” She sat down, opening the panels in her shoulderplates so that everyone within glaring distance could see the glinting shape of her housed missiles. “Chased her down a quarry eel cave and fought her in a cesspool of reptile filth. Not sure what the featherbrained fool was doing down there to begin with. Heh. The bitch apparently loves caves.”
“Mmmfmmmf-Mmmmff!”
“No, I did not mean that metaphorically!” Roarke punched Rainbow’s chest, causing the pegasus to wheeze out through her tight nostrils. “Nnnngh!” She slammed the bar counter again. “Where’s my blasted drink?! Do I have to piss first before I’m allowed to get some nectar down my gullet?!”
“Here you go, uhm… tr-traveler,” the bartender stammered as he slid a container over.
“That’s more like it.” Roarke raised the mug and opened her helmet so she could take a sip with her naked lips. “Hmmmfff… Tastes like river runoff, but that’s to be expected for a minnow pond like this. Oh well. It’ll suffice until I get to sample the white wine I’ll be rewarded with after finishing this job.”
A half-dozen stallions had already gathered around the mare and her captured “bounty” by this time. One whistled, smirking at the sight. “That’s some crazy stuff right there. A winged pony? Bartender, I think you poured something special into my last mug.”
“Your eyes don’t deceive you, breeder,” Roarke murmured, took another sip, and sighed. “Though, with how lonely it is in these marshlands, I’m surprised you haven’t done anything to go blind by now. Bet you and your scummy brothers here keep each other company, huh?”
“You only get to poke fun at me because you’ve got the missiles to match that mouthy muzzle of yours,” the stallion retorted with a frown. “I’m a respectable businesspony around here, and I gotta say--this is about as exotic as it gets.” He trotted closer. “Tell me. Just what are those beret prancing Queen nuzzlers paying you for this, huh?”
“If you want in on the score, you’re dreaming, runt.” Roarke finished her mug and slapped it down onto the counter. “I know she’s a fat one, but I’m the one who reeled her in and I’m the one collecting the score.”
“Well, that’s too bad.” Another stallion leaned in, smelling of cigars and spit. “A mare of your talent can obviously get the job done, especially if it means chasing down brightly colored gooseponies. Tell me…” He rubbed his moldy cheek, smirking. “You ever thought of getting into the trafficking business?”
“Nope. It’s just bounties for me,” Roarke said. “Unless you know of any wanted equines around here, I’m moving on to far more luxurious prospects.” She spun her empty mug around, then blurted, “Still, a little bit of slave-trading on the side could be nice for some extra income.” Her eye-lenses pistoned towards the group. “Would you happen to know of any hard luck cases who’ve shown up around these parts as of late? I certainly wouldn’t want to step on any other ponies’ hooves.”
“Sure. Heh… let’s talk shop, hotplates.”
“Watch it before you lose it, bucko.”
“Heh. Right. But of course.”
As Roarke and the huddled group of stallions conversed, Rainbow Dash finally spat the mug out, frowning. “Seriously. ‘Fat one?’ Where the hay is this coming from all of the sudden?”
“I don’t--HIC--think you look thick at all, dude,” slurred a voice from the side.
“Jee…” Rainbow Dash muttered, rolling her eyes. “Thanks a lot, Mr… Mr….”
“Ain’t ponies downright cruel these days?” A young stallion with a yellow-streaked mane smiled tipsily at her. He reeled in his seat, and the flicker of an overhead manabulb illuminated several fresh cuts and bruises along his muzzle. “They order you around… then blow crap out from underneath you… then call you scum as soon as you walk into a place. So what if I smell like pondwater?! I’ve been burrowing through the stuff for hours! The only way I was able to pay for this here beer was cuz I stumbled upon a sand dollar and somepony in the marketplace was high enough to buy it off of me!”
Rainbow Dash squinted at him. “Why are you still talking to me?” She waved her bound hooves. “Don’t you see that I’m a prisoner?”
“We’re all prisoners to the system, duuuuude…” The stallion smiled and sobbed at the same time, a thing that Rainbow didn’t think possible until she witnessed it from the edge of a brown-stained bar counter. “Like gravity, it tears us down and… ruins our center… like a crushed doughnut. And… and…” His sandy eyes blinked. “Where was I?”
“Uhm…”
“A sand dollar! Can you--HIC--believe it?! It’s like a sign, dude! It’s a sign that things are gonna be looking up for me from now on!” He leaned forward and nuzzled the mug in front of him. “Hmmmm… that would be nice. I could trot back to the beach. Whew… things were just so righteous at the beach. I…” He blinked. “I had sponges.”
“Those are…” Rainbow Dash squinted at his figure. “...are a lot of nasty bruises on ya, buddy.”
“I know, right?” He smirked. “Still, I’m not nearly as bad off as my buddy Frank here. Hey, Frank!” He turned and kicked at a wooden sled on the floor where a canvas blanket lay over a bloody heap. “Say hi to the sparkly space turkey, Frank! She’s got feathers for days, yo!”
“Uhhh… Did you ever tell me your name?”
“Zaid.” He turned and smirked at her. “It’s short for…” He blinked. His eyes rolled over the wall, ceiling, and opposite wall. He blinked again. “...’Zaid.’”
Suddenly, Rainbow gasped. “What the heck?!”
“Yeah, I know, dude. Total bummer that my parents named me that. I swear, I have nothing at all in common with Queen Zaid of the Zaidmare Genocidal Era. Hic! Look on the bright side, though! Two and a half centuries and three million dead caribou later, it’s no longer a girl’s name! Hic! That’s something to smile about, right?”
Rainbow Dash was panting, her wide eyes situated on the rainbow colors wrapped around his fetlock.
“Hey… Wait a minute!” Zaid pointed at her with a rosy-cheeked smile. “I know you! You’re that… that…” His face scrunched, then unscrunched. “Oh yeah! The harbinger! Only the one mare me and my church buddies have been trying to track down for months. Well, for me it was months. I was delivering lettuce out of a rusted blimp for three winters beforehand, but that all went up in smoke. Heh…” He winked. “If you catch my vocal parentheses, pegasister.” He turned and grinned at the sled. “Hey! Frank! Check it out! Australioh in the flesh!” He blinked. “Oh… You’re dead.” He leaned back to his drink. “Ain’t that a burn? The bum owed me twenty steambolts.”
“Nnnnngh!” The binds of Rainbow’s hooves snapped. In a flash, she leapt off the bar counter and plowed the unsuspecting stallion to the floor. “You!”
“Whoah!” Zaid spasmed from underneath her, chuckling drunkenly. “Hahah! At least let me put on some music first, girl! Whew!”
“Where is she?!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “Kera! The little Xonan foal that you jerkmeisters kidnapped! Did she survive the airship crash?! If so, what did you friggin’ do to her?!”
“Uhm…” Roarke shuffled over towards her. “Rainbow…”
“Tell me!” Rainbow Dash howled, then resorted to slamming Zaid’s skull multiple times against the floorboards of the tavern. “Rrrrrrgh!”
Zaid spat between each jolt. “Stupid. Watered. Down. Discount. Beer. I swear!”
“Rainbow Dash!” Roarke hoisted the mare back by her tail. “You’re not exactly leading by example here!”
“But I found the survivor, Roarke! It’s totally him!” Rainbow pointed, breathless. “He might know where Kera is! He might even--” She froze, blinking. Slowly, her head pivoted towards the rest of the tavern.
The stallions had gathered tightly together, gripping clubs, knives, and various other unsavory items. “So, a bunch of scammers, huh? There’s nothing that we hate more than cheapscapes in this town, but there’s one thing we love to do to them.”
“Uhhh…” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously as she and Roarke backed up against each other in the center of the crowded establishment. “What’s that?”
Zaid’s bruised head lifted up. “Hey, I know!” He smiled, blinked, then hiccuped. “Wait, no I don’t.” He slumped back down with a heavy thud.
“I do believe it’s missile time,” Roarke muttered as her suit began to whir.
“No, wait!” Rainbow Dash waved her hooves. “We don’t want to mess around with you guys! Honest! All we want is the stallion here! There’s no need for a bunch of unnecessary bone breaking--”
A hidden stallion slammed a bar stool over Roarke’s unsuspecting head, sending the metal mare crashing through a nearby table with a stifled grunt.
Rainbow Dash blinked. She sighed, her ears drooping on either side of her skull. “Buck it.” Then, with a howling scream, she dove into the crowd, knocking them across the tavern like bowling pins.
After that, there was no end to the noise.