The Pony Who Is Never There
It was an average day for the earth pony who goes by Never There. He got up and went about his usual routine. He washed up, ate breakfast and went to the market for the things he needs and returns home to put his stuff away. Normally just doing whatever he wants to do for the rest of the day. The only anomaly isn't for him though. That's for the ponies in the market place. They would notice some of their wares were missing suddenly, only to suddenly hear the jingle of bits landing on their counter appropriate to the price of the wares taken. For most of them, it is a common occurrence and didn't think anything about it. One poor soul, a new stall owner, has a minor panic attack before his stall neighbor points out the bits lying on his counter with a chuckle and an abbreviated explanation. He grumpily scooped the bits into his apron and goes about the rest of his day in irritation, woe to the ponies who stopped to ponder his wares.
Never There is probably the most astounding pony to have never really been a citizen of Equestria. Sure, he lived there, but he doesn't live within the social fabric that makes the nation. But no one could tell him that, because he is Never There. He lives in Ponyville... Well that's what the records say anyways. He doesn't have a job or any real friends. He does, however, have a pet goldfish by the name of Blubs. Blubs would happily swim about his bowl, enjoying the twice daily feedings, warm sunlight and distorted sights out of the window beside the small stand he lives on. For all of ten, maybe fifteen seconds if he concentrates hard. Then he's happy to repeat this content existence all over again.
Never There lived in a slightly squashed house and owned a rather commendable multiple-room library consisting of seven hundred and forty three books. He liked to think of himself as a well read stallion, though he has never had a face-to-face conversation with another pony after he came of age. It wasn't that he couldn't talk. It was just that nopony seemed to hear him talk. If he's feeling particularly outgoing, he will try to communicate with somepony by writing on a piece of paper and placing it in front of them. They tend to think that either there's a ghost or somepony's playing a prank on them and would throw it away, so he doesn't waste parchment this way too often. He does go to the library on occasion to check out a book once in a while since the librarian has a convenient check-out method for him. She seems nice enough though and her little assistant seems a pretty amicable fellow as he leaves out delicious cookies for the patrons on occasion.
For the most part, he's content with his life. His parents established an annuity with substantial weekly payments delivered by a member of the local bank to the safety drop box set up for the purpose. He never wants for anything, entertains his self in some fashion or other and he is perfectly okay with this. Over the past few years there have been bizarre things that would spring up or happen across town, only to either completely bypass him or to not worry him overmuch at the least. He guessed that he's just lucky like that. However, one day, that luck had to run out eventually.
***
“There's an overdue book?” Twilight asks Spike curiously as they go about their weekly re-shelving in the middle morning. “What book and who has it?”
“Theoretical Philosophy, Volume VII. The name is... Never There?” Spike replied quizzically.
“Really? I didn't think anypony ever checked out those books. Did Never There ever check out any of the others?” She asked a little more enthusiastically.
“Yep.” Spike says as he leafed through the ledger. “They've checked out the entire series and... whoa... They've been coming here ever since we've been here. Do you know who this pony is? I'm sure I've never met them before.”
“I don't think I ever have. I'm sure I would have noticed if somepony had checked out those books though. I've never even seen anypony peruse or ask about the philosophy section before. Maybe we should go visit to get the book back and introduce ourselves to them. I'm sure we'll get along great if they're reading stuff this advanced.” Twilight says excitedly clapping her front hooves together in anticipation. “Lets go ask the Mayor where Never There lives right now. We'll re-shelve later.”
“Alright. Let me go grab some cookies real quick and we can get going.”
“Spike... If you keep eating the cookies, there won't be any left for us when we get there.” Twilight says as she watched him toss another into the air only to be snapped up by his agile tongue.
“Sorry. Gotta keep my energy up since we've been going all over town to find this guy.” He responded. Twilight just chuckled and bumps into him as they walk down the road. Though the humor doesn't last long as she remembered asking Mayor Mare about Never There.
“So, what's he like?” Twilight asks after they find out where he lives and that he's actually a he.
“I don't know to be honest. The record says he has lived here since twelve years ago, voted in all the elections since moving and even pays his taxes on time. But I don't remember ever meeting Never There.” The Mayor responded.
“That's really strange. I thought you knew almost everypony who lives here.” Twilight said slightly put off.
“I do... Or I thought I did anyways. If I don't know them, I'm sure Pinkie pie would. She knows everypony, mule and cow in Ponyville. Maybe you can ask her about him after you get your book back.” She said as she pushed the strangeness of the situation aside for the moment.
“I think I will. Thanks for your time, Mayor.” Twilight said as she turned to leave.
“Not a problem. Glad I could help.” The Mayor replied as she went back to some urgent document or petition that currently clamored silently for attention.
“We're here.” Spike said suddenly. Twilight looked up and around to look at the house he's looking at. It's a rather nondescript house, squeezed narrowly between two taller houses. It had two stories with a few windows set along the front face of the building, painted slate gray with white washed shutters. Looking in one of the windows, Twilight spotted a rather large fishbowl inhabited by a medium sized goldfish who looked out curiously at them before disappearing behind a small water plant. She watched for another moment before she looked to the front door.
“Well, lets go introduce ourselves.” Twilight said as she walked up to knock on the door. She politely tapped on the door a few times and waited. Nothing. She knocked again, more firmly this time. They wait a little more. “Hello? Is anypony home? It's Twilight Sparkle, the librarian of Golden Oaks Library... You have an overdue book and I thought I'd come check up on it.” She called out, hoping to get the occupants attention.
Still nothing. Then there is nothing for a few more moments and Twilight started to get a little huffy that either nopony is home or that they're ignoring her. Then the front door opened without warning. Twilight's so shocked that when she goes to take a step back, she sits down hard.
“Wah! What was that all about? Hello...?” She said expecting to see somepony standing there but trails off when she doesn't see anypony.
“Whoa! Did ya see that Twilight? The door opened all on its own!” Spike said nervously as he peeked from around Twilight's back.
“Don't be ridiculous Spike. Somepony had to open it after all.” She responded confidently. She looked back again to see that a scrap of parchment now sat in the door way. Grabbing it in her magic, she floated it over to her and read: Please, come in and make yourselves at home. I'll be with you in a moment. -Never There.
“That's odd... Why didn't he just say so instead of writing me a note?” Twilight said in confusion.
“Beats me. Sometimes you ponies are just weird...” He got a flat look from Twilight. “Okay, okay... I can be just as weird too... Sometimes.” He conceded with a roll of his eyes as Twilight snorted a little laugh.
With that, they spare the front of the house one more look before they walk in. The main room is... for the lack of a better word... squashed. Instead of being a typical square, the room is rectangular in shape with another doorway at the far end leading, presumably to the kitchen. They look to their left to see the fishbowl again, its occupant ponderously examining the two guests. The rest of the room is rather cozy... once you get past the non-typical geometry. A pair of well stuffed chairs sat on either side of a small stand where a magical touch lamp rests with a well kept fireplace directly across the room from them. A short stool rested beside the closest chair, where a book rests lazily. They walked over and take his invitation to heart as they settle down on the chairs.
They sit there for a while in silence. It's not the empty kind of silence that rings, just the silence of ponies doing something without the need for words. They looked around for a bit with the dull curiosity of being someplace new before Spike got bored and decided to go visit with the fish. Twilight eventually looked to the lazy book and noticed that it's the book that is overdue. Smiling, she levitated it to her lap and began to gently leaf through it.
“Hey little guy? What's your name?” Spike says as he stood on his tiptoes with his tail providing support to better look at his aquatic friend. “AAAUGH!!!!”
“What! What is it Spike?!” Twilight half yelled, slightly panicked.
“There's... There's another note.” He said as though stunned.
“Oh... Then why'd you scream like that?” She replied grumpily.
“Because it wasn't there a second ago.” He said a little breathlessly.
“What? That's not possible. The records Mayor Mare has say that Never There's a earth pony. He can't do magic. Did you just miss it and startle yourself when you accidentally breathed on it?” She said as she thought of some logical reason.
“No! I didn't scare myself, Twilight... It was suddenly leaning against the fishbowl facing me...” He replied looking a little scared now.
“Well? What does this 'magical' note say?” She said sardonically.
“'His name is Blubs.'” Spike quoted.
“What?” Twilight said in sheer confusion.
“'His name is Blubs.'” Spike repeated. “Maybe it's the fishes name?”
They turn as one to look at the fishbowl again. They don't blink. That don't breathe. They wait. Then another note appeared, leaning against the fishbowl as though it was there the whole time. Spike reached a trembling claw to grab the note. He read it, looked to Twilight and nodded very slowly. Shock ran through Twilight as though she had been struck by lightning.
“How is this possible?” She said breathlessly. “This can't be possible. How are you able to do this?!” She said addressing the fishbowl as though it holds the answers to the insane questions running, skipping and holding hooves merrily through her unbelieving mind. Another note popped into existence just like the others. She grabbed it in her magic to bring it over to her before Spike could get to it first. She read the simple note on a scrap of ordinary parchment. She looked up to Spike, her eyes as wide as they could go and her pupils dilated.
“What?” Spike said, a tremor of fear lacing his voice. A moment later he spoke up again with urgency, fear and the barest trace of unshed tears making his voice heavy with emotion. “Come on Twilight! You're scaring me! What does it say?!”
Instead of responding, she floated the note back to Spike who fearfully looked at it. It's not what he was expecting at all. Five words. Five simple words. But those five simple words terrify those two so badly they forgot everything and just run straight out and back to Golden Oaks, screaming the entire way before they stop. As the spontaneous overreactions of the towns two book keepers was either nothing to worry about or warning to bunker down. The citizens of Ponyville who saw the pair either sighed and went back home to their superbly reinforced basements built to withstand magnitude eight point five earthquakes and most any form of extreme weather, or simply ignored them to go about their business before they too go to their equally superb basements. Just in case.
The only pony in town who knew exactly what was going on just sighs as he looked out the door his guests had just hastily left through before shutting it quietly. He looked to his right and tapped the fishbowl twice, causing its sole occupant to come out from hiding and shook in a measured amount of fish flakes. He watched for a couple moments as Blubs happily ate his fill of the sparse flurry of flakes before he went about tidying up his living room. Folding the saddlebags Twilight had left behind, placing them on the side stool before putting the borrowed book on top of that. He noticed the bowl of cookies with a smile and popped one in his mouth before he turned to pick up a scrap of parchment lying on the floor. A scrap of parchment that read: Because I am Never There.