The Tale of Lord Barleycorn
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Chapter 12: Eastern bunny?
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Although gloomy, the breaks in the forest canopy allowed enough sunlight to see comfortably. The foliage was thick, but Lord Barleycorn was having little difficulty as he traveled just inside forest's edge.
He had already made several deep incursions into the forest, but he had only managed to locate several impressive poison ivy patches. As much as he had enjoyed the pears Harvest Moon had left out, it wasn't a proper breakfast. Fruit was nice, but he felt like he needed more.
Since the rabbits had disappeared little had presented itself as food. Mushrooms were plentiful, but he knew better than to go sampling unknown species of fungi. Everything else he was finding would require more preparation than he could provide with his borrowed skillet and his pocketknife.
"Looks like Mrs. Harvest's picked the forest clean." Lord Barleycorn muttered under his breath. "Why couldn't the magical land full of talking ponies have trees that grow bread and ham and cheese?"
He shook his head and scratched his chin, then pulled his damp mask off. He had washed it again in the rain barrel by the barn again, but it didn't feel any cleaner. Worse, his beard was coming in more and more by the day.
"~He stands up in the field with a beard like any man...~" Lord Barleycorn sang as he stroked his prickly stubble. "Something tells me there's no chance of finding a razor around here."
He stretched, then knelt down to sneak toward the edge of the pumpkin field. To his delight he saw that little filly he'd lulled to sleep last night with Scarborough Fair. Walking with Corn Crib was an unfamiliar pony, a mare if he was right in judging genders. Remembering the sack in his hand, he hurriedly slipped on his second face before he could be spotted.
"So that must be Cousin Golden." Lord Barleycorn smiled, "And Corn Crib's already showing her around the field. Good girl."
Lord Barleycorn's stomach roared with hunger, and he placed a hand over his belly in an effort to keep it quiet. "And I better duck outta here before either of them hear you, Loudmouth."
Retreating back into the undergrowth, Lord Barleycorn decided to make for the forest behind the neighbor's property. He had already been to the Sprout farm early that morning, ensuring the basket he'd taken was resting in plain view. What he hadn't done was explore the forest behind their home, and with any luck there would be plenty to gather for a decent meal.
It wasn't long before he was peeking out at the Sprout family farm and their well ordered crops. They were hard at work picking weeds from the vast sea of grass which would undoubted be turned into hay. The carrots that ringed the farm were just a few steps away, but it would mean having to emerge from the forest.
"If the Sprouts aren't doing much better than the Harvests, then taking some carrots from their field would be like taking food out of those kid's mouths." He grimaced at the hypocrisy in his words. "I kinda already did by taking the eggs..."
His stomach complained again, and again he tried to pacify it with a pat. "Fine, fine let's go a-foraging."
Pickings were a little more plentiful beyond Harvest Moon's normal routes. Discovering a patch of wild blackberries, Lord Barleycorn ripped his mask off and gorged himself on several handfuls.
With that light snack sating his agitated stomach, Lord Barleycorn continued to trudge along the autumn colors.
"Got to be more than that..." He scratched his stubble again. "At the rate I'm eating fruit I could go year without and never catch scurvy."
His foot felt some obstruction as it came down, like he had stepped on a rotten tennis ball. Lifting his boot, Lord Barleycorn discovered a green fruit, and many more like it on the ground. Reaching down, he picked up the flattened fruit and grinned.
"Black walnuts? Awesome... if they're ripe." He frowned and pulled the sizable nut from its fleshy husk, then gave it a firm press with his thumb. "Seem fine, but they were never my favorite. That and I had to smash them between two anvils to break them open as a kid. Then again, I never thought I'd be putting dad's old survival factoid's into use. And I'd rather eat wood sorrel and plantains than starve... but getting real food from the Harvests will be impossible now that Cousin Golden's lurking around."
Memories of his family began to cascade over him. Suppose there was no way out of this world? If he was stuck here would he be stuck in the role of Lord Barleycorn for the rest of his life?
"These ponies are nice people, semantics aside." He shrugged, speaking aloud as he pitched the walnut aside. "But the idea of eating weeds and living in a barn for the rest of my days is a bit below my standards."
He turned the mask over to look at it with a tired smile. "This is the face that little girl knows me by. Well, if I can solve her problems, or minimize them, then so be it. One thing at a time. Then I see about meeting with the big wigs of this place."
As an act of finality, he slipped the mask back on and adjusted his straw hat as he continued his walk in the woods. "Of course, this does mean I'll have to keep that promise about giving these clothes back. It's going to be an interesting trip to the princess's castle."
A sudden tightness around Lord Barleycorn's leg drew his attention. It was probably just another briar that had latched to his pant leg. The ones in this forest were particularly grabby. His presumptions were dashed to pieces when he saw it wasn't thorns but a loop of rope.
Before he could reach down and slip it off, Lord Barleycorn was yanked off his feet. The world spun around him, and before Lord Barleycorn knew what was happening he was hanging upside down from a tree.
"Well..." Lord Barleycorn mused, "This is thoroughly unpleasant."
Lifting his head to look down at the ground, there was nothing below him to break his fall. He was roughly ten feet off the ground, even with a pile of leaves to cushion his fall, it'd hurt.
His first attempt to reach the rope that was now firmly wrapped around his ankle only succeeded in causing him to sway harder. Forced to ride out the swinging, Lord Barleycorn looked about for who might have set this trap.
The rope he had used for trapping rabbits was back in the Harvest's barn so this wasn't his trap. He doubted the ponies had a hankering for rabbit, so what might be its purpose?
Seeing no one, Lord Barleycorn tried to reach the rope and nearly made it before slumping back down.
"When I get down, it's twenty sit-ups every morning." He grumbled, reaching up to touch his burlap covered head. "Aaaaand I lost my hat. Perfect."
The crack of a dry twig quickly rearranged Lord Barleycorn's priorities. Twisting himself around as best he could, Lord Barleycorn managed to contain his urge to let out a worried grunt.
Grinning up at him was a green colt, a little bigger than Corn Crib. It was the same little pony that he had seen feeding the pigs on the Sprout farm. Only now the child was wearing a pair saddlebags, and there was no question about his presence here.
"Intimidation won't work, I have no leverage... quite literally." Lord Barleycorn thought, "Time to turn on the flattery full blast."
"Quite the masterful trap you laid young master." Lord Barleycorn clapped his hands in genuine praise, "Fit to snare even the southern wind herself, although I doubt she would be as civil as my humble self in this position."
The colt grinned and cantered in place, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew you were real!"
"Indeed I am," Lord Barleycorn said, " and believe me I'm quite difficult to catch. Tell me, how did you know I would be traveling across this very spot?"
The colt blinked, then smirked with visible pride. "Well, it's obvious isn't it?"
Lord Barleycorn waited for a moment for the child to explain. When no such explanation came, he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, he just put this snare at random and I stepped in it. Lucky me."
"Clearly, you have a knack for finding your quarry, you'd make an excellent trapper." Lord Barleycorn said, "Might you let me down so we might converse in a more... pleasant position?"
"Nah, I don't want you running off." Wind Row shook his head. "Why'd you steal our eggs?"
"Great this again..." Lord Barleycorn cleared his throat, "First, tell me my handsome young friend, have you seen any rabbits the past few days?"
Wind Row scratched the back of his head with his hoof, then shook his head again.
"Small payment for a few eggs, no?" Lord Barleycorn chuckled.
Wind Row's eyes widened in amazement, "You did that? Awesome! How'd you do it?"
"The King of Autumn can only reveal his secrets to his closest and most trusted of friends." Lord Barleycorn thumped his chest and tried to look as noble as he could while dangling from a rope.
"Awww come on! I won't tell!" Wind Row pleaded.
Lord Barleycorn smirked under the mask, "Weeeell alright. One secret, but then you must release me. Deal?"
Wind Row nodded, "Deal!"
"I told them a story, one that inspired them to leave." Lord Barleycorn chuckled, "I dyed the eggs using flowers and other things, and painted them the most fantastic colors you can imagine. I then gathered the rabbits together and credited my work to the Easter Bunny."
Wind Row tilted his head in confusion. "Eastern bunny?"
Lord Barleycorn grinned, "A fantastical creature that lives on the other side of the Everfree. He paints the eggs of every bird so that they can tell their eggs apart. he paints the robin's eggs a brilliant blue, and he puts the spots on the eggs of the killdeer."
The foal raised an eyebrow, "I've never heard of an 'Eastern Bunny.'"
Lord Barleycorn laughed, causing him to rock to and fro from the rope. "Few know the stories the forest creatures tell. I know he lives on the other side of the forest, and all the rabbits have fled to see his incredible warren. It's full of the most amazing artwork known to rabbit-kind, and eat from his fields of carrots that are as sweet as yams."
The colt's eyes followed the scarecrow as he swayed. "What do rabbits consider art?"
"Since they dig in the ground, they find all sorts of things." Lord Barleycorn said, his pride in his storytelling skills never greater. "Gems and gold, but they also paint eggs as I've said. They dye them, using wax to keep the colors from overlapping when they dip them in the various pools of dye."
Wind Row grinned, clearly imagining the fictitious underground art gallery Lord Barleycorn was speaking of.
"Well, I've told you my little secret and more my new friend." Lord Barleycorn cleared his throat. "I believe it's time to fulfill your end of the bargain."
Wind Row frowned, then dug his head into the saddlebag. Lord Barleycorn grimaced, believing the foal was going to simply cut the line and let him crash to the forest floor. Instead, Wind Row removed a camera from his saddlebags and took quick aim.
Before anything more could be said the flashbulb went off, and Lord Barleycorn's world went white. While he rubbed his eyes, he heard the colt giggle with excitement.
"This outta prove to everypony that I saw you!" Wind Row cried out, "You hold on, I'll be right back! I'm gotta get dad!"
The spots were slow to leave Lord Barleycorn's vision, but he could clearly hear the colt barreling through the undergrowth toward the Sprout farm.
"... Well, crap." Lord Barleycorn muttered, glaring at the spot where the colt had been standing.
Lord Barleycorn stuck his hands in his pockets for anything that he could snack on while he thought of a solution. Instead of food, his hand came across his trusty pocketknife.
"I didn't want to have to do this, but it looks like I'm going to be limping back to that barn..." He groaned, lifting himself up with the knife in hand. "Please sweet fate don't let me break a leg, I'd hate to see what pony doctors do to such patients..."
Gritting his teeth, Lord Barleycorn flicked the blade out and began sawing through the rope.
"... or fall on my knife." He added.
It took a bit of sawing and tremendous fortitude on his part, but Lord Barleycorn soon plummeted to the forest floor with a thud. He hit the ground hard, but to his credit nothing felt broken, only very bruised.
At the last second he had thrown his knife away to avoid falling on it. He'd thrown it too well it seemed, after gathering himself up it was nowhere to be seen. The undergrowth greedily concealed it, and he quickly wrote it off as tribute to the forest gods.
After collecting his hat, Lord Barleycorn muttered a few curses out of sheer frustration. The dishonorable little colt would be getting his father's attention right about now. With several groans and a little limping, Lord Barleycorn quickly got his bearings and headed back toward the Harvest property lines.
=== Sweet Apple Acres ===
Applejack didn't like calling in favors, but she knew from past experience what could happen when she let her pride get in the way. Applejack also knew that when it came to dealing with rabbits, she was as effective as Pinkie was at staying quiet.
Even now as she walked down the path of the west orchard, Applejack felt silly for asking Fluttershy's help. Applejack could handle herds of stampeding cows, buffalo, heck she even kicked Changelings and manticores in the face. But these rabbits were too much for her to handle?
"Fluttershy, thanks for coming out to speak to these rabbits fer me." Applejack said, glancing over at the butter-yellow mare. "I know ya prolly got plenny to do yerself but Ah jus' can't handle this!"
"Oh it's no problem at all." Fluttershy replied, looking around at the vastness of Sweet Apple Acres. "How many of these little darlings are causing you trouble?"
Applejack licked her lips, "Uh, lots?"
Fluttershy blinked, but she simply smiled a patient smile. "Well, I'm sure I can talk some sense into these... little..."
Fluttershy's jaw dropped. Even when the local rabbits overran Ponyville there weren't these many bunnies! They were darting here and there and everywhere, more than she could count!
"Ah think you can see why Ah need yer help." Applejack said calmly, "Can ya at least find out why they're swarming mah orchards?"
Fluttershy gulped, but nodded her head. Bravely walking out into the middle of the rabbit horde, she began to speak gently to each rabbit that passed her by. Unlike Angel Bunny, these rabbits fled under her gaze, bounding off into bushes or behind trees.
Dismayed by her failures, Fluttershy looked back at Applejack with an apologetic dip of her head. "I don't know why, but they seem like they're really really scared."
Applejack rolled her eyes, these things never come to a quick resolution. Nevertheless, the farm mare shot her friend a reassuring smile, "Try again, maybe something that works on Angel will work on them?"
Fluttershy nodded, and reached into her saddlebag and dumped few lush carrots on the ground. Instantly a few bunnies swarmed them, and Fluttershy laid on her belly to appear non-threatening.
"Hello my little long-eared friends," Fluttershy cooed, "Maybe one of you could tell me, if that's okay, why you're all on my friend's orchard?"
One of the rabbits, a gray little buck looked up from the carrots and hopped over to whisper in Fluttershy's ear. Applejack watched as the butter-yellow pegasus's eyes went wide as dinner plates, then promptly fainted.
Applejack scratched her head, "Well what in tarnation was that about?"
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To be continued...