Image by: Gurumane
Image by: Gurumane
“So sign here,” she said, tapping her hoof on a dotted line near the bottom of the page.
“And here, and here. Your initials here,” she added, flipping the page. “And your number on this.” Happy End slipped a little piece of looseleaf over the club contract, winking at me as I looked at her. “Just in case.”
I gulped, nodded and tried really, really hard to remember the number, scribbling it on the page as it came to mind.
We were in the gardening club. Not the gigantic arboreum, but a small, modest room tucked in between the supply sheds and the offices of the head gardener. The room was sparse, only lit with a simple light fixture on the ceiling and two narrow windows facing the enclosed forest, through which we could just barely see the school buildings. All we had, for now, was a pair of sturdy chairs and a wooden table.
Rather bland, huh? It’s not like they don’t have a billion bit budget for this little school. Couldn't even afford a light fixture for the lil’ gardening club? Not that I would usually care, save that, as of right then, I was part of that two pony club. Not quite sure how I feel about that.
“Okay, one last step!” Happy End said with infinitely more cheerfulness than I wanted to hear from her.
Then again, she was apparently the pony embodiment of an Elder God able to munch on anything organic, and had been ever since before I had met her. (Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating on the Elder God thing, but she’s strong, all right?)
Happy End leaned into me, a sly smile crossing her features as the fact that we were very much alone here crossed my mind. She bent forwards and I saw something shiny and green held loosely between her lips before she tilted her head out of view over my chest.
She tugged at the material of my shirt just under the school’s crest then backed away, her smile turning victorious as she flushed. “Congratulations! You’re now the third official member of the gardening club! Maybe the history books will remember you after all?”
“Third member?” I asked, trying to erase the dirty thoughts from my mind. On my chest hung the tiny gold-and-green symbol of a rose. Totally manly.
She nodded her head towards the table where the paperwork sat. “Yeah, somepony came in here before us and signed on. A mare, judging by the signature and whatnot. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of her.”
Stuck in here with two mares, huh? Interesting.
“Speaking of earlier,” Happy End said, pointedly looking at the one piece of decoration we had in there, a wall-mounted clock. “Looks like we wasted a fair share of time with the trees. I still have two clubs to join before the day’s end. What about you?”
“Oh, yeah, I guess. Still not sure which group to join...” I admitted. But I could only join two anyway, right? So no biggy. “Which are you going for next?”
“Hmm. The Robotics Engineering Club.”
I could see it now: Happy End, crossing Equestria and changing nature itself as she saw fit, an army of battle droids devastating all who refused to bend to her will as she fought the universe itself, justifying death and murder as something that would have happened anyway through the natural course of things. Creepy.
She must’ve read the surprise in my eyes because she began to fill me in on the details. “It’s a level four and up club, and it looks like it’s going to fill up fast. But I think I can use my high level to squeeze in, even if it’s a little late.”
I was still blinking dumbly, which, apparently, meant that she should go on. If I’d known that looking stupid is all you needed to get noticed by women, I would’ve tie-dyed my coat this morning. “I kinda already understand the organic universe, and I want to learn a bit more about the more... technical one. Physics and whatnot’s too boring though, so this seems like a nice compromise. Do you want to join too?”
“Ah, uh, nah, I can’t,” I said, scratching at the nape of my neck.
She perked an eyebrow at me, then trotted across the room. “Already have a club in mind? Or is it a level thing? What are you at, anyhow?”
“Um, yeah, I might have something in mind.... B-but it’s going to fill up fast. I should probably get going....” So, why didn’t I tell her what level I’m at? Maybe it’s because I’m vain and stupid. Maybe it’s because I still have a shred of pride hidden somewhere. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because I didn’t want to look bad in front of a cute young mare. Especially not the one that can tear trees apart with her mind.
“All right! See you during the next club meeting, Tighty. Oh, and bring a hoe. You’re not going to get any action here otherwise.”
Blinking back at the maybe-intentional comment, I nodded again, said my goodbyes, and zipped out of the club-room.
As I galloped down the pathways, I took some time to think and came up with a single solid lead: my life’s a disaster, but it could be much worse. Now, I only needed to find an easy-going club to pass the time in. Something easy and not hard and also easy.
The cool forest with bright beams of warm light descending from above did wonders for my restless spirit, and I soon found myself somehow enjoying the thought that I would spend time here every few days.
The sound of chirping, birdsong, and the quick blur of little critters further into the forest warned me ahead of time that I was going to run into somepony. It did little to warn me of who that pony was.
Standing in a bath of light was a tall pink-maned pegasus, her soft yellow hooves lightly caressing a little blue jay while she cooed and whispered to a veritable army of little animals. Fluttershy turned to me, her great big watery eyes encapsulating me in their radiance. “Oh, hello there,” she said, voice as soft as a warm dawn wind on a winter day.
“Um, hi?” I said, my voice cracking. Could you blame me? There I was, trotting around, minding my own beeswax, when I ran into an ex-supermodel and the wet dream of every stallion on this side of the hemisphere. (Not to mention something about the Elements of Harmony, the Guardian of Nature, and that bit about her being one of the few level elevens in existence.)
“Are you looking for something?” she asked, genuine concern in those big eyes of hers. “I know a bit about where things are, and my birdies have been everywhere. They could help you, if you’re lost....”
“N-no, Ma’am. I’m, uh, part of the Gardening Club,” I said, pointing to my chest as proof. “I was just heading back to, well, school.”
Her smile lit up the arboreum. “Oh, that’s wonderful! I so do love flowers and trees. It’s good to see that young ponies like that sort of thing too.”
Suddenly, I was really interested in plants.
Fluttershy took flight, cooing at her darling little critters until they moved out of my path. Not knowing what to do, I mumbled some thanks and rushed by her, trying to pretend that I was not drenched in sweat.
Let me put this into perspective for you:
A level twelve is something we’d classify as “godlike”. Celestia, for example, who can control and manipulate the sun. Luna, who controls the essence of night itself. Twilight Sparkle and her vast knowledge and power over the fundamentals of magic, and her sister-in-law, Cadence, who can exert her influence over emotions. Any of these ponies could easily turn Equestria on its head.
A level eleven was just a notch down. Basically, an individual with extensive, powerful and awesome physical and magical power. Say... the Elements of Harmony? You don’t mess with a pony of this calibre without bringing out the big guns.
Fluttershy was one of those ponies, and I had no gun to speak of.
I galloped out of the greenhouse, not even looking behind me as I rushed towards the nearest entrance into the school. Why the rush? If I somehow managed to piss off Miss Fluttershy, she could drop a world of pain onto me. Even if she did somehow look and feel like the personification of gentleness.
Better safe than dead, right?
Apparently not.
As I galloped ahead, I was not exactly fixated on where I was going and walked into one of the many entrances leading out of the school and into the courtyard. And, of course, I walked into the worst possible place ever. My dead-run slowed to a trot as I found myself surrounded on all sides by chittering and chatting ponies. Ponies that looked really, really good. They held their heads high, displaying professionally groomed manes and strutting around like they were well aware of their physique, which I'm sure they were. These were ponies whom I would have little trouble imagining as the sons and daughters of big-shot tycoons.
The logos under their crests weren’t of the gardening club or some other low-level hole; these ponies were members of the highest ranks. Clubs like the Advanced Magics Division and the aforementioned Robotics Engineering club. I’d stumbled into the hive of the upper-levelled students.
They didn’t seem to notice me; after all, our uniforms were identical. But I still felt alienated, as if their smiles and quick bouts of odd humour were above me and that they were better than I would ever be. These ponies had a future and, statistically, I didn’t.
“Wedgie!” a gratingly familiar voice called through the corridor.
Heads turned, poking out of lockers and staring between myself and the mare that had called to me.
Like a succubus looking for prey, Black Ruby trotted down the corridor, mares and stallions moving out of her way in a parting wave. Much to their surprise, (and a little to my own) the light-coloured mare wore a brilliant smile as she approached me.
Did I mention that she was hot yet?
Stallions were laying out a carpet of drool wherever she trotted, and the cruel look the mares were giving her as she passed made my blood curdle. But she moved on, ignoring them as she sashayed to me with her curvy hips bouncing from side to side and her tail swaying beneath the hem of her short skirt. “Wedgie! I knew I would run into you, eventually,” she said, her docile smile turning wicked. “I see you joined the gardening club?”
A few of the nearby stallions snickered, and I felt the warmth of blood rushing to my face. One of them whispered loud enough for all to hear, “What a dork!”
“I joined too!” she said, tapping a hoof against the tree-shaped badge on her chest. The stallion sputtered, choking on his laughter.
“Oh, so... you were the mare that signed on?” I managed to sound calm, despite my mind melting on the spot.
She nodded, “Yeah... don’t you remember? You begged me, for hours. Oh, and then you said that I should show you proof that I joined so that we could finally go out for lunch.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m supposed to go out with you, aren’t I?”
You know that stallion, the one laughing at me? Yeah, he just saw that hottest mare in school make a date with me. Damn right.
“Yes, you are. And no, I won’t let you weasel your way out of it this time. You made a promise to a young mare and you’d better keep it. Or else,” she cautioned. I would have listened to the warning even if I hadn't seen her go all bullet-time at the drop of a hat.
“Oh, uh, okay? I know this place that’s not too bad.” Not to mention rather cheap. “But, aren’t we supposed to go to homeroom, first?”
“I did today’s homeroom class tomorrow. There’s nothing to miss. Come on! Half the class isn’t even going to show up!” Black Ruby adopted that demanding look, like that of a noble getting prissy because her servant was moving too slowly.
I bit my lip, tried not too blush too hard—which, considering the amount of eyes focused on us, was rather hard—and then moved to her side. “Okay, fine. J-just follow me.”
She hummed a joyful note, arched an inquisitive eyebrow at the ponies staring at us, and marched alongside me.
We found the nearest exit to the school and trotted along one of the shrub-lined paths that would eventually lead to a main road. All the while, my mind was a piece of burning sludge. Why?
Because. I was about to go on what was essentially a date with the cutest mare on campus. Seriously. No joke. I’d pinched myself and everything already. But first, I had to not mess it up in a spectacular fashion. Which is easier said than done. But, I reckoned that if I played my cards right, I might get lucky. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
“So, um, Ruby?”
“Oh, call me Black.... Didn’t I tell you that before?” she asked, frowning as we reached an intersection and I pointed to a spot where the school-grounds ended.
“Hmm. Not that I remember. Anywho, Black, you... so, um, do you have any hobbies?”
She shook her head, blonde mane waving around her. “No.”
“Er—, do you play sports, or something?”
She huffed. “Wouldn't that constitute a hobby?”
“Well, yeah, I guess....” Yep, spectacular failure was indeed quite possible. Must have a knack for it. But, there were other subjects that I could talk about, maybe. “Um. Okay, I’ll be straight with you, Miss Ruby. I’m not one for entertaining pretty mares, alright? I’m not even sure why I asked you out to lunch, or whatnot. Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re the one that asked me to ask you, or something. Basically, I’m sorry, but I don’t know what to do with you.” See, spectacular failure 101. Start taking notes, kids.
“Oh. Well,” she began, turning her gaze away from my own, “I thought you just wanted to be with me.”
“Uh,” I began, mentally kicking myself. If she started crying, I’d commit seppuku.
A thin blush of red crawled along her cheeks. “So, I’m the one that made you ask me, huh? Should have known. I thought... I thought maybe we could become friends? You helped me a lot at that gathering, and you were really nice and understanding.” She slowed to a halt, sighing as if her body and soul wanted to tear apart. “I’m sorry that I dragged you into this. I-I’ll leave you be. Enjoy your meal, I guess.”
She turned her back to me, that proud lustre gone.
Times I’d really, really messed up in front of a girl: one.
“Wait, Black!” I called, grabbing hold of her shoulder. “I... no, I’m sorry. It’s just that. Well, I thought maybe this was a sort of prank? Or maybe you were laughing at me inside. See, pretty mares don’t usually hang around me, much. Well, never. But, if you want, we can go eat together and talk. Maybe work things out? Celestia knows I could use a friend or two myself, y’know?”
“Really?” she asked, smiling.
“Y-yeah, really. I know this little place. Decent food and all that.” Plus the waitress was hot and the food itself was cheap, but that was a concern for another time.
Her smile only grew wider. “Oh, I wish I could still remember this yesterday!” she said, her trot turning into a skip while I followed, slightly bemused and a little perplexed.
“Um, before we go on, can you tell me about the whole... tomorrow-today is yesterday’s last-week, thing?”
We were on one of the roads that ran a full circle around the school, our hooves leading us farther and farther from the city along large lanes of sidewalks and over a few pedestrian bridges. Black Ruby took her time in answering, her dignity and that noble pride returning.
“I’m a very powerful mare. And a lucky one. But, perhaps not incredibly lucky. I was born with a gift for magic, and my favourite thing was the manipulation of objects. Levitation and the likes. As a filly I was accomplishing level three spells with little difficulty. So, my family hired some tutors and I became more proficient, learning more and more about magic, while concentrating mostly on one branch. You’re familiar with the magical types?”
“Gravity, electromagnetism, radiation, spacetime and biology. Plus a few others, right?” Did I mention that I knew a fair share about magic, despite sucking at it?
“Exactly. I favoured spacetime manipulation. Levitation is one of the most basic skills in that area. Although you could levitate an object with gravity or magnetism. I digress.” She sighed. “I didn’t care much about the skills I was not as good at. I am still capable of level four spells in every branch, mind you,” she said, raising her head far above mine. “But spacetime manipulation was always my favourite.”
We arrived in the market district, or one of them. There's a disparity among the districts. The best shops are in district 12, the cheapest in district one. We went to district one. But, on these circular roads, the shops from the two opposite districts are kinda sandwiched. So, you’ll have a cheap restaurant besides, say, a five-star gourmet place. Or, in this case, a cheap as all heck fast-food joint in front of a jewelry store that only allowed ponies above level six to enter.
Ar'n't I a classy guy?
We walked into the store to the sound of the door-chime ringing and found the place, unsurprisingly, deserted. After all, in a city composed mostly of students, the place could be a little dull during school-hours. The waitress waved at us and made a few quick gestures telling us to pick a spot to sit.
Being the gentleman that I am, I found a table by the front windows where we could see folks trotting by on the roadway or stare as they entered and exited the fancy jewelry shop across the street. I ordered two glasses of water and for a couple menus before returning my attention to Black.
“So, spacetime manipulation. I’m guessing that became your... thing. It’s sorta your cutie mark, after all.”
She blinked at me, and I suddenly realised that said mark was hidden beneath a certain skirt, something she seemed to be pondering as she stared through my face. I reminded myself that this mare could kill me yesterday, if she so desired, and that I should practice the art of shutting-the-hell-up.
“I won’t ask,” she said, reassuring me. “But if I catch wind of something... indecent....” She trailed the tip of her hoof over the rim of her glass. The water within began to boil until, in a flash, it turned to steam, which she swirled around a hoof before spinning it into the air. As it spun, the gaseous water froze, becoming a perfect sphere of bubbly ice.
Some ponies know how to get the point across.
“Where was I? Oh, right. Yes, as an older filly I received my cutie mark. It was while I was attempting an.... experiment, without the permission of my parents and against the express orders of my teachers. I used time travel magic. The spell... failed, almost. Some of the fail-safes weren’t complete, and I didn’t have the raw power to control it all.” She licked her dry lips. “I woke up in a hospital a month later, cutie mark on my hip and my mind scattered. I’ve been trying to put the pieces back together ever since.”
“That... that sounds terrible,” I said with real sympathy. As my mind was scattered most of the time, too, I could empathize.
Black Ruby shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it. It would take a stronger blow to hurt a mare of my stature.”
I grinned at her, taking what she said for cold fact. “As long as you don’t hurt your friends by mistake, then I guess there’s no harm.”
She winced, grinding her teeth together and taking in a sharp breath before calming herself down.
Great, I’d touched a sore spot. Miss All-powerful had managed to hurt herself before. A chink in the metaphorical armour. And I jammed a stick in it. Smart.
Count of times I’ve made an idiot of myself in front of a pretty girl: Eight.
“I’m sorry. It’s not easy being different, I guess. If it’s any consolation, I’d love to be your friend. B-but I’m sure you could manage to find somepony far better than me.”
She reached over the table, grabbing one of my forehooves in both of hers over the table’s vinyl surface. “Tight Wedge, I would like to be your friend too. If that’s possible.” She giggled. “Although, I might not make the best of companions myself. But, I’ll try to give you a sympathising ear when you need it, and, maybe, hint at the troubles ahead once in a while. Having a constant heads-up can be useful.”
We shook hooves while I tried to see if this was all real. Is this how ponies become friends? With a hoofshake and an agreement? Wild.
Oh, and,hints of the terrible things that will happen to me before they happen to me? Woo!
We began talking, but it was mostly about trivial things, really. Mentions of our family, about how school could become really dull. In my case because it was hard to understand and boring; in her case because she knew it all already.
Our meals arrived and our chit-chat turned into us munching on blades of hay while I tried to look mildly civilised about it. Her top-of-the-line education and upbringing showed in the slow, careful way that she ate, and made her stick out of the room like a sore hoof.
You know, things were going surprisingly well. We became friends, of a sort, and we hadn't killed each other yet. She didn’t hate me, and I was actually getting to enjoy her company despite the little hints of crazy.
Then the jewelry store exploded.
Well, shit.