The Symphony of a Winning Lyrist

by JaketheGinger


The Pony Who Has Never Worked a Day in Her Life

Bon Bon nudged me awake in bed. “Come on, Lyra, time to get up.”

“Noooooooo…” I groaned, burying my head under a pillow. I couldn’t believe I was doing this: getting up for work. Judging by the faint light outside, Celestia herself had only just woken up. I dreaded to think of what the time was.

“Lyra, I am not going to let you mess this up. You’re going to work, even if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming. Wouldn’t that make a good impression?” I didn’t have to look at Bons to tell that she was glaring at me. I didn’t exactly want to piss her off, so—

Oooookay, Bon Bon, I guess you’re dragging me out of bed. She had gripped onto my tail with her teeth and started pulling me out of the bed, causing me to flop on the floor, getting bad carpet burn on my stomach. “Ow! Oooow! Bon Booooon!”

She released my tail for a moment. “Oh shush, hun. You’ve had worse in bed.”

… Touché.

I still didn’t want any more carpet burn though, so I got up and trudged downstairs. Bon Bon gave me a kiss on the cheek for my efforts, which helped as a little pick-me-up. We ate breakfast together, a simple affair: just oats and toast. It went by in silence, but that was because I was too tired to do much talking. So I just sat next to Bon Bon and ate.

Then I brushed my teeth, had a quick shower, then got into my uniform. Just the mailmare hat and the satchel. I looked at myself in the mirror in the bedroom to see if everything checked out okay. Judging by Bon Bon’s expression, it did.

“You look adorable, hun,” she said, kissing me on the cheek. I couldn’t help but blush. It felt odd, being on the first day of a new job. Derpy had shown me what to do over the past couple days, but this time I’d be on my own. It was like the first day of school, only I was trying not to pull a tantrum over the whole thing.

Surprisingly, I was out of the door first. It swung open, cold morning air pouring into the house. My coat stood on end, and not just because of the cold. “I’m nervous.”

“You’ll do fine, dear.” Bon Bon nuzzled my cheek while I stared outside. It looked like the beginning of a horror story; mist lurking all around and all that. I didn’t want to go outside. I just wanted to go back in my warm bed and sleep. “At the end of the day, we’ll bang, okay?”

Well, that got me out of the house.

I cantered briskly to the post office, the cold helping me speed along. Ponyville felt like a ghost town, which was a blessing and a curse in equal measure. On the one hoof, nopony would stop to ask me what I was doing, but on the other, I could be snoozing away like them.

Walking in, I went to the earth pony who’d give me my orders for today. I didn’t bother talking much; I wouldn’t be sticking around. The stallion filled my satchel with hundreds of letters and a few packages, the weight almost dragging me down. Joy. I put on my best smile, thanked him, and went on my way.

It actually wasn’t too bad. The weight of the satchel was bothersome, but I eventually adjusted. I went along each house, since that’d save me criss-crossing town if I went by each letter I found. Magic made it easier to sort them too, so I could afford to stand and find the right letter, then move on.

First house: Lily. I levitated the letters, out of the satchel and looked through them like a deck of cards. She just had bills, I think, so I stuffed them in the letterbox. And… that was that. I’d made my first delivery! I actually felt really proud for some reason, so I skipped to the next house, grinning. It was Daisy’s. Bam! Letters for her! Now the next house: Roseluck. Delivery spree!

I know it wasn’t much but… I was working! Honest, hard work! It kinda felt good, truthfully. Things were finally looking up for me. Ponies would see me doing this and think: ‘Hey, maybe Lyra Heartstrings isn’t so bad after all’, and then I could get a better job. A more permanent job anyway.

And then the next house was Colgate’s.

I tried not to feel guilty as I looked over it. I was working a job, not wallowing in self-pity. All I had to do was find her letters, put them in her box, then be on my way. Simple, right?

It would’ve been, had she not opened the door and walked up to me. “Morning, Lyra.”

“Hey, Colgate.” I couldn’t exactly leave her now, especially not after that farce of a party. I needed to talk to her anyway. Now wasn’t the best time though. “You doing okay?”

She rubbed her eyes. “Mhm, I guess. Berry and I had a long talk.”

“About…?” I waved my hoof for her to continue.

“Things, Lyra.” She patted the mailbox and I put in her letters.

“Oh, right. Well…” I moved up next to her. “I want to talk about things with you too, alright?” She nodded and I moved in for a hug. Colgate returned it and I held her for a couple of seconds, swaying a bit.

“So… you’re finally working, huh?” she asked. “Took your time,” she added, smirking at me.

“It’s only temporary,” I shot back. “You’ll see, after Tornado Day, I’ll be right back in your house, eating chips on the couch.”

“Remind me to change the locks on my door then,” she replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You could try that. I mean, it’d be a waste of money, but if it makes you feel more secure...” Grinning, I ruffled her mane. Mooching at my friend’s houses is one of the things I excel at, for some reason. Most of them are used to it by now, but it’s a habit I should stop. I would, if all my friends didn’t stock such great food.

Colgate seemed fine for the time being at least. Whatever she and Berry had talked about, it had clearly healed her somewhat. I still wanted to talk to her myself though, for closure on both our parts. “Sorry, Brushie, but I really can’t stay. Job and all.” I shrugged my shoulder, causing the satchel to jump.

“And I forgot to bring my camera too. Shame,” she said, smirking. It soon faded though. “We’ll talk later.”

I nodded at her. “Good. I’ll visit when I can.” I adjusted my satchel, feeling the weight bear down on me. “I’ve got a feeling I’ll drop down from exhausation when I finish, though…”

Colgate offered a reassuring smile, flashing those incredibly white teeth of hers. “Don’t rush for my sake, Lyra. You’re important, too.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly why I’m doing this in the first place.” It felt kind of good to admit that. “See ya later, Colgate.”

“Good luck, Lyra. Don’t mix-match your letters!” Taking her letters up in her magic, she waved, then went back inside.

Alright, next house. I trotted up, read the address, then searched through my satchel. I got out a small brown package and read who it was sent for. Odd pony naming conventions aside, I didn’t think that there was a pony called ‘ink smudge’. Seriously, the ink had blurred, making the words completely unreadable, including the address.

Great. So I had a package that could have been for anypony in town. Derpy didn’t tell me how to deal with this! Wait… did she? I can’t remember. Must have been a small detail I didn’t think relevant at the time. Well I wasn’t heading back to the post office in shame. Not on my first day! It’s just as well I had a good plan then.

Off the wrapping came. Whatever was in it might have helped me identify who it belonged to. I opened the black cardboard box that I uncovered, and I nearly threw the thing to the ground in shock when I saw what was inside. I looked around to make sure no one was watching, then stared at the item in disbelief. I knew who it was for, that much was obvious, but… really? Somepony would send this?

Whatever. Time to deliver and be done with it.


After I stuck a dildo in Cloud Kicker’s mailbox, I went about completing the rest of my workload. By now, the initial excitement had worn off, replaced by tediousness. The amount of letters seemed neverending, and half of them were probably junk mail anyway. At least Derpy has wings so she can go faster with this boring crap.

Stop at house, check house, check letters, deliver letters. Rinse and repeat. A couple of times you found something interesting, like a detail on somepony’s house you’ve never noticed before, or kiss marks on a letter, but mostly they were all white envelopes.

Y’know what post office work I would’ve preferred? Licking stamps. That’d be amazing.

But at least the job stayed relatively simple and consistent. I didn’t have to worry about any guard dogs or cliché stuff like that either. Nope, it was an easy walk to the letterbox, then an easy trip to the next one. Occasionally I’d have a brief conversation to spice things up, but I couldn’t really enjoy them, since I always knew that I’d have to get going again soon.

However, that was a major boon when it came to one certain pony.

“Lyra Heartstrings? Actually doing work?” Cherry came to her mailbox, snorting. “This must be a joke. An elaborate scheme to get out of something.”

“Yeah, maybe I farted in your mail or something.” Crude, I know, but sometimes that’s the most effective thing there is. I looked over her letters with disinterest. It was so tempting to just throw them down on the ground and stomp on them, but I had a job, so there were standards I had to adhere to.

“Eugh. That’s totally something you’d do. Just give me my mail,” she said, eyes focusing on me, annoyance burning inside them. Heh, I had no idea simply getting a job ticked her off so much. Maybe I should do it more often.

“Yeah, I am. Keep your mane on.” Admittedly, I nearly said ‘shitty, pee-stained mane’ there. I held the letters in my hoof and put them in the letterbox, then closed it.

Cherry let out an annoyed huff. “You could’ve just handed them to me directly.” She got the letters out herself, her movements tense. Maybe too tense.

Wait a second…

She was trying to goad me into taunting! Son of a—that’s exactly the sort of dirty trick Cherry would pull off! Once this startling revelation came to pass, I struggled to keep my temper in check. I forced a bright smile. “Have a great day!” Then I walked off, not giving her a second glance. Phew, too close. Had I exploded at her, she might have gotten me fired over it. What a mule…

Bah, never mind. At least she was gone now. The rest of the day went along fairly smoothly. I had a big sandwich for a lunch break, then kept chugging along, exactly like a train would. Really, I was starting to get a bit sweaty from all the walking around. In my defense, it was a sunny day. The satchel getting gradually lighter helped things, but I still felt exhausted by the time I came to the last house.

But then I put in the final letters, and I felt… a surge of exuberance. There was a day of work: done. My work day had been completed. It was an achievement, my achievement—even if a small one. I had actually pulled it off. Maybe I wasn’t so lazy after all.

I practically skipped back to the post office, brimming with pride. I stopped skipping when a painful stitch came up, so I stuck to walking. In the post office, I signed some stuff so all my co-workers could see I had completed my rounds, and then I went back home. It was only the afternoon when I got back, so Bon Bon wasn’t home yet.

I faceplanted onto the bed. It felt so warm, so comfy and rewarding. My body ached and I was sweating a bit, but I had never felt better. With all my obligations for the day dealt with, I fell asleep. It was the only sensible course of action to take. Or, well, non-action in this case.

I didn’t end up banging Bon Bon that night. Only because I was too tired for it, and bangs with Bon Bon tended to get a bit on the… aggressive side. It didn’t stop us from snuggling though, which was just as nice.

“One down, so well done for that,” Bon Bon said, her foreleg wrapped around me. “Let’s see if you can keep up the consistency, hm?”

“Mmmm…” I grumbled. I tried kiss her to shut her up, but the effort to stretch up and do it was too taxing. So I just settled for nuzzling the crook of her neck. Sleep took hold a few minutes later.

And that was my work routine. The next morning was the same as the last, and so was the walk to work. It was almost funny how quickly it had become mundane. I dreaded trotting around the whole town again, but reluctantly accepted it. If I did this, then I’d be able to get jobs that required less walking.

Much to my surprise, my earth pony superior had something different in mind for today. I saw him peering at me when I walked into the room. He scratched his beard. “Your load is ‘round back, Lyra,” he said, jerking his head back.

“Alright then, thanks.” I didn’t have much to be thankful for but, y’know, courtesy. I trotted around the back of the building, expecting to find a sack of letters. Instead I found a crate on a cart. It looked heavy. Way too heavy for a mare of my stature. I tried to look around for something else—anything lighter—but I turned up short. I guess with all the pegasi in town busy with Tornado Day, I’d pulled the short straw.

At least the delivery would be in Ponyville. I checked the address on the crate.

Canterlot. I swore under my breath.

Did my boss really expect me to take this all the way there?! Son of a mule crossed with a goat, this really sucked dragon balls. And guess what? Because I had a job, I couldn’t exactly go complain. No, I had to do this!

I sighed irritably and attached myself to the cart, then pulled it along. If I was going to do this, then I was doing this the Lyra way. That being the easiest way possible. It was time to catch a train.

Thankfully, the cart did make things easier. True, I had to use more effort while walking than I usually did, but at least I wasn’t dragging the cart along. But that fact was of little comfort. I shouldn’t have had to do this in the first place. I thought I was only making deliveries in Ponyville. Sigh. I should really read contracts properly before signing them.

I lugged the cart all the way to the train station, then left it behind. From here on out, I’d have to levitate the crate. You may wonder why I didn’t do that in the first place. Well… it’s something of a touchy issue for me. My magic level was low-delta, which was lower than the average, and just above being considered magically handicapped. That meant I didn’t have much magical juice to expend. Hands I could keep up all day; they’re more mentally taxing than magically draining. Carrying a heavy crate, on the other hoof? That was something I needed to pump my magic into.

Good thing I had planned ahead, otherwise I’d have to go back home for my purse. Taking it out of my satchel, I paid the fare, then carried the crate to the platform and sat down with it. Just what was in it anyway? Considering the type of business in Ponyville, it was probably a bunch of food some pony had ordered. That wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Sugarcube Corner was famous enough to get orders from as far as Manehattan.

I didn’t wait long to get a train. Ponyville was close enough to Canterlot that trains to it went by several times per every couple hours. When one came into the station, one of the porters kindly helped me put the crate in the luggage carriage. Once that was done, I sat down on the train and had a bit of time to relax.

I sat in my usual manner, which earned me a lot of curious looks from the other passengers, but I didn’t pay them any attention. Once they understood the comfiness of sitting on your butt, then I’d like to see them complain. I’ve had a few ponies say to me that it just isn’t healthy for a pony’s body to be arranged like that, but then I say that I’ve never had any back problems. Maybe I’m just special in that regard.

As soon as the train rolled out of the station, I could see the capital in the distance. I’ve always loved Canterlot; it looks exactly like the castles and cities you’d find in fairy tale books. Sure, the ones with Princes and Princesses never featured true love—I learned that pretty quickly as a filly—but they all had wonderful worlds to explore and lose yourself in.

The sight of the city always serves to awe me. When I first look upon it anyway. After the initial delight fades, I have to ride out the rest of the trip in bored silence. Undermountain is cool, and a stop on the way, but I’ve never really gotten out to explore it much. It must be so cool living under all that rock, in the dark.

I almost fell asleep on the way there, but I kept slapping myself whenever my eyes felt heavy. Again, got weird looks, but who’s counting? The train stopped at Canterlot and I got off, taking the crate with me in my magic field.

Having lived in Canterlot for years, I was familiar with how the place was set up. It’s divided into loose ‘districts’. The shops, the nobles, the entertainment area, the lower-class… all those different things are usually grouped together, and their street names almost always relate. So despite not knowing exactly where my crate was to be delivered to—that being Sprinkle Street—I knew roughly where it’d be. Sprinkle Street sounded like something to do with foods, so I assumed it’d be around the small-time bakeries.

The walk took a while, as I kept having to stop to take breaks so I didn’t burn out. Eventually I got to the street, which had a cobblestone road and lots of nice little cafés and bakeries running down each side. I slowed my pace, checking each number of the buildings. My destination was numbered ‘thirty-two’. I wasn’t surprised when I came up to a small bakery called ‘Glaze’s Doughnuts’. My guess was that the crate contained ingredients the owner needed.

I headed in, the door knocking the bell and making it ring. Carefully, I inserted the crate through the gap and placed it down gently on the peach colored tiled floor. “Uh… delivery!” I called out.

A pink earth mare with a light blue mane came out from the room behind the counter. She stopped when she saw me, gasping a little, probably because she assumed I’d be a pegasus. Still, she smiled at me and said, “Thank you, dear. I’ve been expecting that little number for a while now. Please, feel free to have one of my treats.”

Free food? Hah! Maybe this job wasn’t so bad after all!

I picked out the biggest doughnut I could find, covered in chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles. Giggling a little, the mare put it a nice little paper bag for me, which I eagerly took. “Thanks!” I exclaimed, grinning, then trotted out of the door.

I was in Canterlot, munching on a really good doughnut, with the rest of the day free. If I had any other deliveries, I would’ve been notified by my boss or by some note on the crate. But I didn’t come across either of them. So, I had some time to kill.

That’s when I remembered that I had promised to visit my parents soon. Sure, they were a bit of a walk away, but I didn’t mind making that journey considering I was already in Canterlot. Plus, coming up to them with my uniform, telling them I’d found work would definitely be a nice surprise for them.

I finished my doughnut (Goddess, it was luscious) then made my way to the Heartstrings’ residence. We had our little bit of land in the rich part of Canterlot, but it wasn’t much compared to what other nobles had. The reason for this was mostly out of principle. Unlike other Houses, we Heartstrings didn’t send off our children to get married to some other noble twat just for the benefits. We married for love: the only legitimate reason, in our book.

Of course, this meant that we weren’t as big as we could have been. In fact, I’m pretty sure the only reason we still exist as a noble House is because of our old ties to the crown. No, I didn’t have any royal blood in me. Heh, the reality is far better: our ancestors were spies for Celestia. Shadow Kicker? I love ya, you’re awesome, but you can’t beat spies. They were so good, no normal pony would even be aware of their existence.

Our manor’s pretty small compared to others you’ll see in Canterlot, but it’s home. A nice garden with neatly trimmed hedges, vibrant flowers and fresh green grass. No fountain though; that’s kinda cliché. The manor was white, with detailed windows and a slate roof. There was also a lot of ivy growing over the walls. You’d think we’d prefer red, the color of passion and of the heart. But nope, we like green. It represents life, something that a loving relationship can celebrate. New life can be created from one too. It’s also the color of poison, something that spies would love, but details.

I went up to the big double doors and rang the doorbell. Now, I could have walked in myself, but I wanted to surprise my parents. Nothing to do with me leaving my key to get in back at Ponyville, honestly. It was Dad who opened the door. That didn’t surprise me, considering we don’t have a lot of servants.

Dad (actual name: Legato) looks a lot like me. We share the same color scheme, which is enough of a similarity. The differences between us weren’t as major. He had a small beard and his mane was cut a little differently from mine. His eyes were light blue and his coat and mane colors were very slightly darker than mine.

“Hi Dad!” I greeted him, grinning as I turned to the side to show off my mailmare’s satchel.

He looked at me bluntly and sniffed. “Sorry, we’re not expecting mail.” The door slammed shut in my face.

Buck my Dad. Honestly, he’s such a prankster. If you think I’m immature, he’s something else entirely. Yet he always manages to get away with it. Apparently it’s part of his ‘charm’. Bleck.

I waited for him to open the door and give me a proper hello. I waited for quite a while. So I thought, to hay with it, I’ll just go in myself. Thankfully he kept the door unlocked. Probably because he wanted me to just go in of my own accord anyway.

I won’t go into detail about the interior of our house. It’s basically a lot of white walls, marbled floors and expensive ornaments lying around. Just like every other noble’s residence ever. However, our emblem was unique. It could be found above doorways, on walls… wherever an emblem looked good.

The Heartstrings emblem gets to point of what we’re about. A golden love heart in the center, with an F-clef to its right (your left) and a C-clef to its left. Love and music. Both of them complement each other well, being things of passion.

I went into the living room. One of them, anyway. The problem with manors is that you get a lot of useless rooms, and we had more than most. Our ancestors being spies, there were a lot of secret rooms in our home. There were also hidden tunnels, going across the whole of Canterlot. Only Heartstrings and a few royal officials (including Celestia herself, of course) would know of them.

Mom and Dad were sitting on the very comfortable-looking brown couch. Mom looked nothing like me, really. Like Dad, she was a unicorn, having a cream coat and a long light pink mane. The only trait we did share was the color of our eyes. And gender, I guess. Look, let’s not get into specifics.

My Mom, Carol, was reading a book. Not sure what type, but knowing her tastes, it was a read where there’s a lot of blood and characters die a lot. Mom’s a lovely pony, but she has some pretty weird tastes when it comes to stories.

A pair of magical blue hands came in sweeping from seemingly out of nowhere, taking off my hat and satchel and placing them on a coffee table near the fireplace. Dad can do that because A: he’s a beta-level unicorn, and B: he’s had years of practice. The hand spell is really versatile, in that it’s kind of governed by your imagination. Want to make your hands float around? Possible, with enough willpower. How do flaming fists of fury sound to you? Again, completely doable. Of course, there are limits, but they’re mostly to do with yourself.

“Lyra!” Mom exclaimed, putting down her book manually and trotting over to me, giving me a nice motherly hug. It felt really good to see her again. Dad too, but Mom doesn’t mess around with me like he does. She pecked me on the cheek, then said, “Did you finally get a job?” I beamed at her and nodded.

“‘Bout damn time,” Dad said, patting the space next to him. I went up and sat next to him, Mom sitting on my other side. Grinning, he ruffled my mane. “Just kidding. Slightly. Good job, Minty.”

Mom was using her magic to levitate my satchel and root around with it. “I’m just going to check if this isn’t some prank, Lyra.” I frowned, but kept quiet. I guess it was understandable; the idea of me actually working is pretty alien to most.

The longer she kept searching, the more anxious I got. Not because she wouldn’t find anything, no, there was enough evidence in there that I had a job, like my name tag and all that. It was just… Mom’s an Epsilon. She can’t really do many magical things without getting worn out. One of my earliest memories as a child was walking into their bedroom during the day, looking for Mom. I found her lying in bed with a fever, looking completely drained. Being only little, I was terrified for her.

Once Mom had indeed confirmed that I wasn’t lying, she put the satchel down, to my relief. “Well, since this is all true, may I just say that I am very proud of you, Lyra. And I’m sure your father is too.”

Dad nodded. “It’s not exactly a musical career, but… it’s a start.”

Mom gave me a little nudge. “Maybe you should consider music again though, yes?”

Oh Celestia, here we go again. Mom and Dad never forced me to do anything, and that was fine for me, but they always tried to nudge me in particular directions. Ones that I had made perfectly clear that I didn’t want to step in. “No, Mom, I’m just working at getting a good enough job to help Bon Bon with things. That’s all.”

“As good a reason as any,” Dad said. Then he ruined it straight after. “But—I’m being serious now—you are gifted at music, Lyra. I know that your first attempt at getting into the music business ended up in disa—”

I cut him off, really not wanting to go down that particular road. “Can we just celebrate the fact that I’ve actually got a job, please? I didn’t come over to get nagged at.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right, darling. We’re sorry.” Mom kissed my forehead as a way of apologising. Hm, it was easy to see where I got my affectionate nature from. But when I do it, it’s nice, and when your mom does it, it’s annoying.

“Second day on the job. Had to deliver a package here, so I thought that since I was in the area…” I told them. They were smart enough to figure out the rest. “It’s only temporary, though. All the pegasi in town are busy with Tornado Day, so I saw an opportunity and seized it.”

Dad nodded approvingly. “Resourceful. Good. Even if you’d make a pretty bad pegasus anyway.”

I rolled my eyes and turned to Mom, who was chewing her lip. I raised an eyebrow at her, which made her pipe up. “I’m happy for you, dear. Really, I am. But I don’t think you should toss out the option of a musical career so quickly. Your Father and I are willing to help you every step of the way, you know that.”

“Mhm. Last time, you ran off before we could do anything about the situation,” Dad added.

Mmm. I couldn’t really say I didn’t. And even then, they had supported me ‘running away’. The thing was though, I had gotten in too deep in Ponyville. I had a life there now with Bon Bon, and I was determined to see it through. If I wanted to get back into music, I’d have to go to Canterlot, which meant long periods of time away from Bon Bon. Honestly, I’m not sure that’s something we could both deal with.

Besides, trying a musical career again would just open old wounds.

“We’ll see,” I replied neutrally. That shut them up about the subject, but just in case, I brought on another one that I wanted to talk about. “Anyway, there’s something I want to talk to you about…”

“You’re pregnant?”

That earned Dad a slap on the head from Mom.

I shivered. “No! Goddess, no. But, y’know Colgate, right?” They nodded. “Well, she had a crush on this stallion called Caramel. And I thought they looked nice enough together on Hearts and Hooves days, so I told Colgate to go for it. Gave her advice and all that. Problem is, they got together, but Caramel wasn’t committed and broke things off. Including Colgate’s heart.” I sighed, running a hoof through my mane. I went into as much detail I could, including how Colgate had acted when I had talked to her about it. When I was done, I fell silent for a bit before asking, “Was that all my fault?”

Dad shook his head sternly. “You were merely a factor, Lyra, not the root cause. Love will make a pony do crazy things, one way or another. All you did was speed up the situation, which was probably better than letting it simmer.”

“Agreed,” Mom chimed in. “It sounds like it’s really Caramel’s fault for giving in and letting the relationship go ahead anyway.”

Huh. So it wasn’t completely my fault then? I could see that. Hay, I kinda liked that; took a lot of the guilt off. Something still felt off though. “So you’re saying what I did was... good?”

“Not exactly, no, but with love, it’s usually better to act quickly and decisively,” Dad explained. “If you hadn’t said anything to Colgate, I doubt her feelings would have went away. They would bubble up instead, growing over time. Therefore, when she found out Caramel did not reciprocate her affections… the fallout would have been much bigger.”

Heh, even now, my parents were still teaching me about love. Not surprising, since they were happily married and have been so for years. Heartstrings don’t marry for life, since we do realize the need for divorce sometimes, but it usually ends up that way because we’re that damned good.

Come to think of it, the only things my parents had fully instructed me in were love and music. Most other things I had kinda figured out on my own. That doesn’t mean my parents neglected me when I was young, but… well they had very busy music careers, that’s all. Besides, I had nannies, so I was never really alone.

I suddenly felt peckish. “Thanks for the advice,” I said, giving both of them a quick nuzzle. “But after lugging that crate around, I’m starved. Could I get some of that divine Canterlot food?”

My mom chuckled, getting off the couch. “Of course you can, dear. Anything you want.”

“Within reason,” my dad added, grinning at me.

Okay, so I laughed a little at him. Sometimes my Dad really is a great pony.

We went to the dining room. You know the deal. Long table, fancy dinnerware, all that stuff. There were also fancy paintings on the walls. Unlike other nobles, Heartstrings didn’t have many paintings of just themselves, looking all stoic and posh. Most were depictions of a happy couple during a romantic moment, or a Heartstrings playing some music.

There was Acapella, the first—and one of the few—Heartstrings to be credited with having multiple husbands. Even if she only married one due to stupid nobility politics, she made a union with the others. Then there was Galliard, who played the double bass to perfection. Old family legend says he danced from dusk till dawn for two days to win the heart of the mare he loved. Oh, she loved him back of course, but her father was apparently a bit of a mule.

Of course, records of our family only go back so far. Our family was founded just after the Lunar Rebellion, so anything before that is pretty much lost to the sands of time. The only thing I know for certain is that we were bards.

I stopped mulling over old history when we sat down at the table close to each other, while Dad made a few orders to what few servants we had. We’re on good terms with them, since we don’t tax them too hard and make sure they’re well looked after. They are ponies too, after all.

While we waited for food, we made casual small-talk. Dad and Mom are as close as they’ve ever been, even if they’re probably not as wild as they were in their younger days.

No, wait. This is my Dad we’re talking about. They’re probably hopping around like stark raving rabbits.

Eventually the food arrived. In droves. Seriously, plates upon plates of the stuff. I know we’re nobles, but geeze, this seemed excessive. Bread, salads, cakes… oh Goddess, it looked so good. I wasted no time in diving right in.

Right as I was in the middle of a sandwich, Mom asked a question. “So have you thought about proposing to Bon Bon?”

And then I was choking, hacking and coughing away, sending chunks of sandwich all over the table.

Dad was quick to capitalize on my mistake. “Really Lyra, I thought you learnt table manners when you were seven.” He then proceeded to use a floating hand to rub my mouth vigorously with a napkin.

“Mmph!” I protested, flailing about. Mom’s hoof on his shoulder made Dad stop, but didn’t wipe the devious grin off his face. I recovered from the parental assault, only to see the two of them staring at me expectantly.

“Of course I’ve thought about it,” I answered. That much should have been obvious. I loved Bon Bon, and I was determined to spend the rest of my days with her. “But… well, y’know… timing.”

Mom quirked an eyebrow. “What do you mean by ‘timing’?”

“It’s a big step, Mom,” I began, frowning a little at the them. “The both of you should know that. I’m actually trying to be a working mare now, and I want to see how that goes before I pop the question. It’s not something you just leap into without a second’s thought.”

Dad smiled, nodding contently. “Exactly the answer we wanted to hear.” I breathed a sigh of relief at that. The last thing I needed was for my parents to pushing my relationship with Bon Bon. It was our special thing, and we’d take it at the pace we wanted to, thank you very much.

I stared at my parents, waiting for any more awkward questions to come from them. “... Can I get back to eating now?”

“Of course you can, dear,” Mom replied, tucking into some salad.

Dad cast an inquisitive glance at me, but not at my face, for some reason. “Just don’t eat too many cakes.”

Sandwich in my mouth, I just shrugged at him. What did he think I was gonna do? Eat so much that I felt bloated? Hah, yeah right.


When I got back into Ponyville, I felt pretty fat. The meal I had at my parents’ place was more like a buffet. Not surprising, since I’m not there much, they want me to be happy when I do visit. I was so full, I almost fell asleep on the train ride home a couple times.

It was early evening as I slowly trudged back to Bons’ place. A nice nap sounded good, to sleep off all this food I’d eaten. Mmmm. All snuggled up in the covers, toasty warm. Maybe Bon Bon would join me…

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts about slumber, it came as a surprise to see Derpy landing (with a bit of a stumble) in front of me, a sheepish smile on her face. I’d stop and say hi, of course, but I didn’t plan on having an especially long conversation. “Oh, hey Derpy,” I greeted her. “Just delivered a package to Canterlot, and planning on heading home for some rest.”

“Oh, don’t let me hold you up for too long then. It’s just…” She rubbed the back of her neck, beginning to blush. “That item you delivered? It was to the wrong address.” My heart rate soared. Had I messed up already?! “But I suppose I should thank you, since Cloud got the impression it was from me and… well, we had a very fun time.” Aaaaand there I saw the dildo in her other hoof that she was hoofing over to me. Great. “So, er, thanks!”

“No problem…?” I tried to smile, but I probably looked very awkward. Gah, shame on me for thinking that the toy was for Cloud. Trust me, she has enough as it is, and they will really rock a pony’s world (among other things). I guess I should’ve returned it to the post office, but… aw, why did it have to be a feathering dildo?!

I gingerly took it in my magic, grimacing. Yeah, no problem Derpy, I just hope you cleaned the damn thing. Great. Looks like I was stuck with it for now.

Sigh. Fantastic.