Chapter 5 - Feelings
***???***
Heavy clouds slowly drifter through the sky, their ominous gray presence and occasional roar of thunder unnerving everypony who heard it. The curtain of shadow that consumed the world slowly made its way through fields and forests leaving nothing in its wake, only death and decay.
Flowers withered, the trees lost their leaves, the water cooled down… death was coming, grabbing everything with its cold greedy hands. Towns died of old age as stone crumbled, turning everything into ruins whose purpose no pony remembered any longer.
Lone pair of eyes was looking down at everything, sharp as ever, barely recognizing the landscape that used to flourish not long ago. The earliest memories of young days, of playing in tall grass along with friends long dead griped at his helpless heart. It tried to beat stronger but with each image the pain grew, squeezing out blood which didn’t fall… endless torment offered by passage of time.
He never wanted it to be like this, to grow old, his bones harder and older than any stone while theirs, ash long forgotten…just like his many dreams which he couldn’t recall. The place he looked for was somewhere here in this barren landscape with no soul brave enough to make it its home.
As he made his way soaring through the darkened sky, in his heart wishing to be hit by a thunder to end it all, there was a flash of recognition when he looked at old well. While most of it was destroyed, there was no mistake that he found the place. Landing down with a heavy thud, he stood in the center of what was once called Sweet Apple Acres, now a forest of dead apple trees.
Cold shiver ran through his scales, but it wasn’t from the air as nothing could put out the flames that were roaring within his body. With heavy steps he started to walk down the remnants of stone patch, images flowing through his head of the places that use to be here. It was five hundred years, since he last stood on this ground, once a beautiful small city, now a dense forest claimed back by nature.
Going through the milky fog and ignoring shadows of ponies still playing happily before him on the other side of the mist, he went towards his goal which wasn’t so far away from this place. Each step felt heavier as he moved slowly, no longer thinking, for it hurt too much, even after all of the years that passed.
Reaching his destination, he looked upon the remnants of mighty structure, he once called home. The big tree was one of few thing that even nature couldn’t claim, for it was the very part of itself. The branches, once full of leaves stood high above his head, their pointy, bare edges reminding him more of decay that claimed all the happiness which existed in here before passage of time.
His breathing heavy, he pushed the doors but they didn’t budge until he used significant amount of strength, shattering them in the process. As old air filled his nostrils, he made his way through but all he saw was darkness which even his green eyes couldn’t penetrate. Memories resurfaced when he touched the old wood, even if the structure was barren inside, everything precious taken away.
He tried to go in deeper but suddenly something caught his talon and tugged. Looking down he saw old skeleton of a pony, its skull grinning at him, as if mocking him. Suddenly all around, the whispers resounded. Where were you…? How was your day…? Welcome home…!
Voice that he wanted to avoid, born in his mind out of fear, for he no longer knew who the owner was and there wasn’t anypony who knew or remembered it… Home… he had no place to go, he simply moved from place to place only coming here once every ten years, revisiting the memories of his old days… yes… he once knew this place when it was full of life, he knew many ponies, had fun… but it passed to never return again. Now he was all alone, his own kind rejecting him and no one knew of him and he didn’t had a place he could call his own.
He remembered one of the last messages his old dead friend whose name he couldn’t recall, wrote to Princess Celestia… it was short but held one of the most important lessons ever. It started like this: Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that your home is, where your friends are.
He no longer had friends, no photos remained as old paper turned to dust… memories were fading day by day, distant, possible only to catch if a spark initiated them, a similar situation, a familiar smell, familiar taste… But it all turned to black… sooner than later… all was black…
***Golden Oak Library***
Sweating heavily and panting, his scaled body moved up and down as he tried to gasp for air, the feeling of drowning present in his lungs, the void clutching him, pulling him inside again. The purple dragon woke up from his nap sharply, sitting up with full attention and looked around the place, frightened beyond belief… he was in his room… the library… he was still home.
Groaning upon realization of what transpired, he put his head in his claws trying to make a coherent line of thought. He was cleaning and finished not long ago. Twilight went to see Pinkie, he took a nap and then… - I had stupid nightmare… - He almost spat those words out of his mouth with disgust but even anger couldn’t hide even more primal feeling that was in his heart… pure fear.
Shaking his head, Spike made his way towards bathroom to cool his face a little with cold water… being cold blooded, he hated it, for it took away the precious heat that he managed to accumulate in his body from outside but this time he would make an exception… was it a habit from his human life? He didn’t recall doing anything like that as a young dragon. As he splashed his face some more, he looked at himself in the mirror. He was older, no longer a baby dragon and he knew that not doing anything will make the nightmare come true sooner or later. – Twilight won’t help me… guess I will have to find a way out by myself – He thought as he ran his claw through the pointy green spikes on his head and moved the wings on his back a little. He still was amazed by this grown up body a little and didn’t know how to fly, but that was one of the last things to worry about.
If I need to, I will ask Fluttershy to teach me… since Rainbow Dash would probably make me jump of the cliff to learn. – Ran his thoughts and Spike couldn’t help but chuckle to himself at the vision of Rainbow Dash going crazy because he choose to ask Flutershy for help instead of self proclaimed best flyer in Equestria. However, his good humor vanished instantly, as he pondered about his most important problem at claw. - I could try to cast the spell myself… dragons are magical creatures, just like unicorns or alicorns if not more. Still, I would need to research everything…I mean, I only know how to send the messages to Princess Celestia by using my flames - As he was thinking to himself he began remembering more and more of his life when he was just a baby dragon bathing in many precious memories of his carefree life.
Contrary to common belief of Twilight being pedantic genius, the mare never actually researched dragons properly, seeing as her life usually was about Celestia assignments and later on, she simply got used to the fact that Spike was there. If she did some research, she would probably know that they have nearly perfect memories, even if with age they forget their earliest past of being baby dragons. The members of his race could even pinpoint one missing gem from their hoard if it was lost or stolen and then they would usually show their violent nature. Of course the action they took if one were to go missing was because of their greed but that was not the point.
Spike helped Twilight since she was a filly. Every lesson she took, every research she did… he was there most of the time to took notes and so, her knowledge was his own. Every note sent to Celestia was told to him and he wrote most of them himself. Being a baby dragon he didn’t thought much about it all, seeing as Twilight was Celestia student and not him. His younger self was more focused on food, fun and friends while helping the lavender unicorn by being assistant which meant cleaning, cooking, helping out in magic research. Never did he thought of asking her to teach him magic, seeing as she always had her schedule full.
Who would have thought those nearly perfect memories of dragons would come in handy in this way… still… I don’t have any practice. – He nearly laughed at himself. Truly, when he was younger and inexperienced, a child only, he wasted so much time fooling around even if his knowledge could nearly rival that of Twilight’s. Come to think of it, he had his share of times when he saved her, showing wisdom unfit for his young naïve heart… but it was very, very rare. - A child, no matter how wise a child is still only a child at heart. – He concluded. It gave him some comfort to know that his situation wasn’t hopeless and he actually didn’t need Twilight’s help. With steeled resolve, he decided that no matter what, he will find a way out…whatever the cost. He will just have to avoid Twilight finding out but that shouldn’t pose to be much of a problem as the alicorn was too busy most of the time to even notice Spike being there… which made him cringe a bit.
***Sugarcube Corner***
“That will be two bits!” Said the pink colored mare happily as she handed Twilight her cupcakes. She could tell something was off, her pinkie sense told her so, but she couldn’t pinpoint it right away. Still, there was a deal to finalize and her friend was visibly spacing out “Ponyville to Twilight, do you read me?” She asked, flapping her foreleg before the lavender alicorn eyes, which seemed to work seeing as she came out of her trance.
“W-wha…? Oh Pinkie, sorry I was… uh…thinking about something.” Apologized the element of magic while a slight blush showed on her cheeks. “It is about Spike isn’t it?” Asked Pinkie Pie, which made Twilight’s eyes widen in surprise, but before she could ask how the pink mare knew, the one in question added “He came after one year of absence, of course it is about him! So? What’s wrong? Tell good old Pinkie!” Asked the element of laughter, with her usual smile, but there was a little hint of worry in her tone… a rare event which would show that Pinkie Pie knew more about everything than anypony else, only fooling around for most time to mask it.
Deciding there was no use to avoid the pink mare, Twilight sighed deeply. Who knows? Maybe the earth pony would offer some words of wisdom as well? “It is about Spike. He asked me about something very, very important to him, but I turned him down and I don’t know if I made the right choice…” Said the lavender mare as another heavy sigh escaped her lungs. It always felt good to talk to a friend who could understood her feelings.
“That’s new, I thought he only had eyes for Rarity…” Mused Pinkie which made Twilight blush heavily and look at the pink mare in terror when she realized the dual meaning her words had. – Okay maybe she didn’t understood my feelings! – She thought frantically before going into full denial mode “THAT’S NOT IT!” She almost yelled while panicking, looking around in fright if somepony heard… gossip in Ponyville about her and Spike relationship was the last thing she needed right now but thankfully they were alone in the shop at this moment. Calming her fast beating heart she collected herself and added more calmly, unaware of regret that colored her tone “It wasn’t anything like that… besides I’m not pretty enough to catch his eyes and we both know that Pinkie.” Her own words hurt a little but it was truth she believed in – I would be lying if I said I didn’t envy Rarity her looks… every stallion and even her Spike looked at her with those love filled eyes.
Swallowing her jealousy, Twilight decided to continue their topic. “I don’t know Pinkie. Did you see something off about Spike yesterday? As if he wasn’t fully there?” Inquired the mare, knowing that if anypony saw something, it would be Pinkie who could be unusually perceptive about those things. “Now that you mention it, he was a little distant…*gasp* do you think he didn’t like the party?!” Frantically said the pink mare, panic in her blue eyes for nothing frightened her more than a bad thrown party for a friend… after all, he could be upset today because of it!
“I-I don’t think it is about the party, Pinkie.” Stuttered Twilight, hoping to calm the distressed Pinkie Pie, which seemed to have some kind of effect. “Oh…good then! But to be sure I will throw another one, twice as big! Or maybe I should make it thrice?! Five times bigger it is!” Added the element of laughter as she started happily bouncing around the bakery. Just as the lavender alicorn was about to inquire more about Spike, the pink one faced her while grinning widely, a different kind of look in her eyes, one that Twilight couldn’t read.
“Don’t worry Twilight, I’m sure Spike will come around and then you can live happily ever after! I’ll make sure of it!” Said Pinkie, as she put her foreleg on Twilight’s back to reassure her, which again made the lavender mare grow slightly red on her cheeks because of what Pinkie implied. “I told you it’s not like that…” She muttered but without much resolve and slowly made her way towards the exit but the next words that came out of pink mare's mouth, made her stop dead in her tracks.
“You know, he isn’t a baby dragon anymore…sooner or later he will have to choose somepony.” Hearing those words, Twilight whirled around but Pinkie was back behind a shop counter smiling and waving her goodbye with her hoof, her behavior the usual cheerful self. Shaking her head, the alicorn made her way out of the shop into the morning sun. – Maybe I really should re-think how I treat Spike – She thought to herself as she made her way through the streets of Ponyville, her heart beating a little faster than it should but being the bookworm she was, she stayed oblivious as to what it could mean.
***Goldern Oak Library***
Not this one, and this one neither – Thought Spike to himself as he looked through various books in his room. The search for knowledge wasn’t going as well as he thought it would, but it was no wonder. The information in library was limited, seeing as the subject he was looking for was rarely even mentioned in books because of being banned didn’t help either. He took comfort in the universal theory of magic which stated that if any not temporary spell were to work, something of equal value would need to be used.
He understood the main rule. You can’t create something from nothing, as he remembered when Twilight used her magic to turn apple into orange. In reality it was apple for orange. What he wanted was to shorten his lifespan, meaning that it should be easier because he was using hundreds of years to gain less years. This however posed a different kind of problem seeing as changing more into less wasn’t exactly equal. He would need to utilize this quantity for something. Another problem was, that he would have to be careful not to change too much or too little because then it would create bigger problem than his current one.
Biting his lower lip in frustration, he rubbed his tired eyes. It would have been easier if somepony were to help him but he couldn’t count on Twilight and definitely not on any other alicorn. He thought of Zecora but the potions which the zebra made won’t work. Shortening a lifespan would probably make the potion to be more like a poison and dragons were too resistant to those…and drinking whole gallons of strange brews could have a lot of aftereffects.
I already knew that it would take a lot of time and research… - He began to calm himself down but his thoughts were interrupted, when he heard the main door open, which signalized that Twilight was back. Stashing the books in safe place where Twi won’t look he made his way out of the room and was greeted by his lavender colored ‘friend’.
“Hi.” He greeted shortly, trying to sound as natural as possible, but failing miserably, because he was still angry with her. Truth be told, instead of making a small talk, he would rather sit and study but that was impossible with Twilight around the place.
“Hi.” She responded in the same way, but more gentle, not exactly knowing what to say. – He seems to still be mad about before. Maybe I should give him time off for today. – She thought and took a deep breath. “You know Spike, you did so great job cleaning the library yesterday…why don’t you go out for a while? You know, catch up with your friends, see the Ponyville and…”
“No, thank you, I’m fine in here” He interrupted her in mid sentence catching her off guard, for she was sure he wouldn’t decline offer like that. Usually he loved to go out when he was little. “Are you sure? Don’t you want to see others? I heard Rarity could use some help with…” she tried persuasion yet again but just like before he interrupted her, this time more annoyed.
“Rarity always needs help Twilight. May I know why are you trying so hard to force me to go out of the library?” He inquired, which made her grow a little agitated at his attitude. “I’m not trying to force you out of the library. Just wanted to do something nice for you!” Her voice raised a little as she eyed the purple dragon before her. She didn’t know why, but recently it has been very hard to find a common ground with him when it came to the simplest of things.
“That’s too bad because I no longer consider going out of the library to be fun.” He simply stated, his own anger, mixed with the fears which still clung to his heart making him raise his voice little by little. Actually, going out ant growing close to everypony once again was the last thing he wanted right now. - Why can’t she simply understand me? - His thoughts were however answered with her next response.
“But you always used to do it!” Argued back the lavender alicorn. So far, things weren’t looking bright if this conversation were to continue and she knew that. Still, she needed to know what his problem was… and he was going to inform her about it just now. “You said it youself. I USED TO. I’m no longer the same baby dragon you knew Twilight. In case you didn’t noticed I aged!” This conversation was tiring him out… he didn’t want it to be like this but he knew it needed to be said. “The problem is, you THINK I enjoy going out, you THINK that I still have my childish crush on Rarity, that I am a kid who doesn’t care about anything but only current moments that pass by. Get it through your head that things changed after what I saw in the void!” He shouted the last few at the end losing control at the end…and he regretted it because just as his reply ended, both of them stopped abruptly as silence filled the room. As words were said in anger both of them had different thoughts on everything they heard or shouted.
Great, now she will inquire about the void and she will know I didn’t tell her the whole truth – Bashed himself Spike, as he prepared for what was to come. There was no way she would ignore those last words of his, he knew that much but…he won’t tell her a thing. He had his own secrets and she will have to accept that from now on. “What you saw?! You said that…” She began, much to his expectations but was interrupted when her horn began to glow and a scroll materialized out of thin air, hitting her in the head. Even after all of those years Spike could clearly recognize what it was, for he sent and received those since he was a baby. He wasn’t surprised that she found another way to send and receive her letters, still… seeing as she rubbed her forehead it clearly wasn’t as pleasant when he was there to receive the scrolls.
“This conversation is not over yet.” Warned him Twilight angrily as she used her magic to levitate the parchment before her eyes and started reading carefully. After a while the alicorn put it aside, her brows furrowed as she looked at Spike. “We will continue this argument later, right now we might have a bigger problem.” She said, handing Spike the scroll and started to move around the library, while gathering various things and packing them. The purple dragon looked puzzled at her, before he started reading letter from Princess Celestia.
My most faithful student Twilight Sparkle
The last letter that you have sent me was really relieving, as nothing pleases my heart more than knowledge that you have been reunited with your assistant, Spike.
Firstly I would like to personally tell him how good it is to have him back, so my wish is for you to show him this letter as a sign of it.
Secondly, while I sincerely apologize, for I wish that I was writing to you only about pleasant things, a darker times are upon us.
Princess Luna, my dearest sister and guardian of the night, while observing the sky as she always does every time the sun sets down, came upon the signs of several dark rifts forming around Equestria. From our initial research their presence is without a doubt related to the void, henceforth I wish for you and Spike to monitor one of them, for I have reason to believe that both Spike’s arrival and the rifts are related in some way.
Be wary of those rifts, for they show clear signs of darkness inside of them.
Once again I wish to express an apology for assigning yet another task for you and Spike when your reunion is still fresh event but it is with my full belief that the two of you will be able to solve the mystery behind them. I have included a map for to the nearest one and by now, most unstable void. Make haste my student, for I can feel the darkness growing stronger each passing second.
Princess Celestia
As he finished reading the letter his own face began to show the signs of distress. Princess Celestia rarely made mistakes when it came down to predictions like those. Looking how Twilight frantically ran around the library, while preparing everything that could be needed, he already knew that they will begin the journey at once. While the presence of those so called dark rifts and possible relation to him was definitely nothing to be pleased about, he was glad that those news made Twilight forget about questioning him for now.
“What do we need Twilight?” He asked, his voice devoid of emotion and soon the alicorn started to tell him what to gather, like she always did in the past and he obliged without word of objection, becoming nothing more than her number one assistant once again…