//------------------------------// // Banter // Story: An Optimist and a Pessimist argue in front of Celestia // by ArtichokeLust //------------------------------// Twilight looked down at Fuji's singed, unconscious body. "I'm sorry!" she held his shoulders, eyes wide with panic as she continued draining his magic, "I'm so sorry!" Twilight scanned Fujiwara's body for any serious injuries. Luckily, as far as she could see, the only injuries he had were various burns throughout his body, not touching any vital organs. He might have trouble eating for a while though. Twilight sat down and sighed in relief, glad that Fujiwara wasn't hurt. He really was lucky that he didn't die from that... whatever that was. "Twilight!" Spike rushed over, "Your mane!" He ran over. "What about my mane?" Suddenly, she smelled something burning. "My mane!" Twilight dropped on the floor and started rolling, attempting to squish the fire. With Spike's help, the fire was out quickly. Twilight still had some bruises over her body from handling the large amount of magic, but those would heal. Shaking his head, Robert came back to reality, and looked at the only other human in the world laying on the floor, possibly dead, and probably seriously injured. He was seriously annoyed at the purple mare for trying something so dangerous, but first he had to check if Fujiwara was alright. He walked over and bent down, placing two fingers on Fuji's neck to check for a pulse. Then cursed, pulling out an old cell phone from his pocket. He turned it on, opened Fuji's eyes, then took a picture with flash on, checking for dilation. Seeing regular dilation, he left Fuji where he was, not noticing that he was slowly waking up. "I already checked him for any damage," Twilight said. "I didn't see anything." Robert deleted the most recent picture from his phone, then turned it back off and slid it back into his pocket. "I only saw a bunch of purple flashes." He looked at Twilight, "And why did you do something that dangerous in the first place?" "I- I didn't know it would be dangerous," She stammered, "Normally even with the worst magical accidents, things like that never happen." Robert was trying to think of something else that Twilight could have done when Fuji sat up. He rubbed his head, "Whoa, that was pretty cool." He noticed himself drawing even more magic from around him, and had to concentrate to stop it. "So that's magic?" Twilight nodded and smiled, more happy that she hadn't killed something by accident. "That's incredible, how did you create something like that?" Fuji asked Twilight looked perplexed, "We didn't," she answered, "magic has always existed, at least, as far as we know." Fujiwara looked down in thought, slightly disappointed, "Hmm," He thought out loud to himself, "it's either a property of their planet, or their universe..." He looked up at Twilight, "Have ponies ever been off of their planet?" Twilight didn't know how the subjects led to each other, but she wasn't complaining, "Well," She smiled, then put her hoof to her maw in thought, "as far as I know there's only one case where a pony has been off planet, and that's the fairy tale of where nightmare moon was banished to the moon." Fujiwara shivered. "But if the elements are real as Celestia told me a while back, then the fairy tales have a good chance of being real too..." Twilight continued, remembering something about the elements. "Does anyone know..." He thought for a while about how to phrase the question, "When on the moon, could... Nightmare moon use magic?" Twilight thought, "Actually, no one knows what anything is like up on the moon. And Nightmare Moon's supposedly still up there, so it's not like we could ask her..." She started thinking out loud as well, "Maybe I should do some research on the tales of Nightmare Moon, especially the elements." Fujiwara got up, searching for an appropriate book. Eventually he found something titles "Mare in the moon", "Ah ha!" He brought over a large ladder and plucked out the book... Robert and Spike stared at Twilight and Fuji for a while, slightly amused by their shenanigans. But that got boring fast. Spike looked over at Robert, who was sitting comfortably across from him at a table. "So," He started, "You never told me about your siblings." "Oh," Rob smiled, remembering the subject, "Well first there's Dominick, the oldest. That was a guy that you do not fu- ...mess with," He caught himself, "But if you ever needed help with something, or needed something done, he would make sure it was done and done good. Right now he's a professional scuba diver..." Spike raised his hand. "Oh," Robert stopped, "A professional... Well, SCUBA stands for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, it allows humans to breath underwater for about an hour or so. Dominick teaches other people how to use those and explore the underwater world now... Thanks to him, the whole family's got scuba training now." He pulled out his wallet and showed Spike his SSI Open Water Diver badge, then flipped it over, showing a picture of his face next to his typed out name in the top left. Spike noticed the line "Instr.: Dominick Tess Anton" before Rob stuffed the card back into his wallet. "Cool," Spike sat back, visibly impressed. "Mhmm," Rob nodded, "You know, you never told me about-" "SPIIIKE!" Twilight yelled, then rushed over to the two, interrupting their conversation. She floated over a scroll and a quill, "Spike," She repeated, "I need you to write me a letter-" "What?" Robert looked down, squinting, "Write it yourself, we're having a conversation." Spike was about to hop down and help Twilight, but now he was just looking back and forth between the two creatures. "Bu-" Twilight looked back up with equal surprise and confusion, "I don't have any claws, if I write it takes forever or looks bad." "Then have Fuji write it," Robert answered. Twilight paused for a second, then turned around and yelled, "FUJI!" And galloped off. Spike turned back around, "What about your other siblings." "Okay..." Robert thought, "There's Nicole Tess Anton, the only real way to describe her is that she's the doctorest doctor you'll ever doctor. I mean, She probably has doctorates in every doctoral degree that medical doctors could doctor up..." "That's a lot of doctors..." "Spike! Breath fire on this letter!" "Wait, What!?" Fuji panicked. "Okay, but isn't Princess Celestia teaching a... class?" Then he looked up at Twilight... and decided it was better to just listen *fwoomf* "What!? Why!?" Celestia walked out of her class, trying to avoid being bumped by the horde of students along side her. Trotting back through the hall, she plucked out the scroll that she hastily stuffed away earlier and read... It said something about Nightmare Moon coming back to Equestria three days from now. Of course, she had a prepared response to give, but, seeing that Twilight and friends were still in the library, and seeing that Twilight seemed to have already made a friend, she decided to give her response in person. She would have to redo her BS... She walked up to Twilight, who was now writing one of tens of scrolls on possible strategies against Nightmare Moon, using their combined technology and magic. This is bad, She thought, They mustn't work together on that; the elements have already been decided! She cleared her throat. "Oh, hello Princess." Twilight turned around and smiled. "Hello Twilight," She smiled back down, "I got your letter." "Oh," Twilight beamed, "So you agree with me?" Celestia giggled, "Twilight, you know I value your diligence, and that I trust you completely..." Twilight's smile grew wider. "But you're getting worked up over an old fairy tale-" "Actually," Fujiwara interrupted, "I thought the same, so I checked other books and asked the librarians here. They all agreed-" "It was a popular fairy tale," Celestia corrected herself, "But now that you've brought up the Summer Sun Celebration, I think I'd like you to help organize the event in Ponyville. Don't worry, I'll send you a list detailing everything you need to do." "What!?" Twilight stomped. "But the fate of Equestria depends on us acting now! You've got my back, right Fuji?" "Hmm," Fuji answered, "It would make sense if it were a popular tale." "But..." Twilight stammered. "I'm glad you agree, and Twilight," She turned, "I think you'll find that Ponyville is very nice this time of year. I couldn't think of a better time to spend your break." She smiled, "Oh, and the townspeople are very nice. I think you should make some nice friends there... I'll arrange a carriage for you and Spike to leave in Two days. Robert and Fuji are already scheduled for an earlier trip." She trotted off, leaving behind a dumbfounded Twilight. "I- Bu- What the-" Twilight stomped the ground in frustration, but the Princess was no longer there to hear it. Instead, she was talking to the tired dragon and human. Then she must have realized something, because she came trotting back to Twilight, or, no, to Fuji with Robert and Spike following. "Now that you're both here," She looked at Rob and Fuji, then floated out two maps of Canterlot Castle, "You're both staying in the adjoining castle for the night." She handed them the maps. "I'm not really tired, but thanks." Fuji replied. "Well..." Twilight yawned, "I am," Twilight looked out the window at the darkening sky, then picked up the book she was just reading and placed it in her saddle bag, "And I've finished all of my tasks for today." She trotted out of the library, taking Spike. "I'm going too," was all Robert said before he looked at his map and walked towards the highlighted section. Sighing, Fujiwara picked up a few books to check out before he went to bed... Yawning, Fuji took the key that was attached to the map and opened the door to his room. He gently set his stack of books against a marble wall, then plopped down onto the bed. Once under the covers, he remembered to take off his pants, but he didn't remember to close the door. --- October 8, 2010 Stretching and yawning in the morning light, Fujiwara remembered his dream. It was of unimaginable technology! It was a apace ship meant to carry the entire population of the earth and then some! All the while using energy and material as efficiently as possible. Everything was automated, even the economics and schooling. Everyone was happy, and the ship continually grew as the people on board changed... It was beautiful... But then came the asteroid storm... He turned over, noticing for the first time that there was a bed across from his. And then he noticed that there was something on it. There was a pink pony with a puffy mane sleeping peacefully. He shrugged, perhaps it was a cultural difference, or a way of saving space. He didn't mind, in fact, he liked the idea; it was efficient. Smiling, he pulled his pants back on and rolled out of bed, picking up one of the books he checked out from the library. This one was titled, "the 46 standard elements of magic", He skipped the prologue and managed a few pages into the introduction before he felt a warm breeze from over his shoulder... It reminded him of sweets and food, which in turn reminded him that he hadn't eaten since he got here. He paused from reading for a second to look down at his stomach. He turned back to reading, until he noticed two warm fuzzy objects gently resting on his shoulder, and a large fuzzy object right next to his head. "Kuso!" He freaked out and scrambled away from the object, noticing it was the pink mare that was previously sleeping across from him. "What the heck!?" He asked her. The pink mare jumped back in surprise, "You can talk!?" She asked back, "Or do you just say "Kuso!"" She mimicked him, "and "What the heck!?"" she mimicked him again, this time jumping back. "Yes," Fuji deadpanned, "I can talk." "Whoa!" Pinkie leaned forward and dilated her eyes, "Cool..." She sat back and grinned, "Now you're not just a giant salamander, you're a giant, talking salamander!" "Actually," Fuji couldn't help but correct her, "I'm a primate, Human specifically. Salamanders aren't even mammals..." He looked off to the window, "Or are Salamanders mammals here?" "Salamanders aren't mammals?" She asked, tilting her head. "No, not where I come from," Fuji shook his head, then got up to put his book back. "Where do you come fro-" She halted, then grinned sheepishly, "Oh, silly me. I haven't even introduced myself yet and I'm already asking where you're from." Suddenly, she stood up and leaned towards Fuji, "I'm Pinkie Pie!" "Fujiwara Kaito" Fuji replied, setting the book down on the pile. "Nice to meet you Fuji Kuji!" Pinkie stood up and shook his hand rapidly, which only cause Fuji to look down with slight disinterest. "Please don't call me that." Fuji looked back and started walking out the door, remembering the map he stuffed into his pocket. Pinkie fell back down, no longer supported by Fuji. "Okay," She smiled, "How about Fudgy?" She grinned. "no," Fuji walked out the door and into the "Warawara?" She raised an eyebrow. "no." "Phukha- NO, Fuchsia!" She hopped. "no," Fuji looked down at the map and turned a corner, heading towards some stairs. "Kite master," Pinkie waved her hooves around as if she were flying a kite. "no" "Fuji water?" Pinkie undulated, mimicking the waves of the ocean. "no" "What about just Fuji?" Pinkie asked. "Okay." He paused, walking in silence for a second, " Why are you here?" "Oh," Pinkie jumped, completely ecstatic, "I'm here to make preparations for Twilight Sparkle and the Summer Sun Celebration" She blurted. "I was actually meaning..." Fuji pause, looking around his general surroundings, "more specific. But now I'm curious" Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie slowly paled. "Oops..." She covered her mouth with her hooves, "I'm not supposed to talk about that..." She paused for a second, then smiled, "I'll just described what led up to that!" Then she grinned even more, "I'm the party organizer for Ponyville, so I have to know what everypony, and I mean everypony, likes and dislikes. And what their birth dates are, and their addresses, their relations to each other. I have to know what they want me to keep secret, and what they want me to tell everypony about. I also need to..." Pinkie listed countless more items she had to memorize while Fuji made his way to the breakfast area. Finally, she ran out of items. "That's a lot of stuff to remember," Fuji responded, gazing at the food court through the entrance, noticing it was a buffet, and that there was no cash register or any form of payment. He walked over to left side where all the ponies seemed to be starting. "You could be a... ...Senjutsu-ka..." "A what?" Pinkie tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, then picked up a plate with her mouth. Fuji picked up one of the measuring spoons that was in each container of food, deciding to add a little bit of everything to his plate to test what he could eat. "A... leader in battle." "You mean like a strategist?" Pinkie looked at him, unsure. "Yeah." He piled on more sampled "I don't think so." Pinkie shook her head, then picked up 20 dolma and some sweet hummus, "I prefer parties to battles." "But you lead your party into battle," Fuji smirked, happy that he was able to make a pun in English, even if it was because of a translated video game. "That doesn't sound like a very fun party," Pinkie frowned while picking up her plate and walking past Fuji to the dessert section. "I don't know," Fuji smirked again, carrying on the pun, "my parties usually get some nice experience out of battle." A few snickers could be heard from across the room. Pinkie Placed a perfectly powdered purple plum pinwheel pecan pie on her plate, perched precariously atop her previous pilfers. "You led parties into battles and they had nice experiences from it?" Pinkie was purely perplexed presently. "Of course," Fuji held back a chuckle, luckily he just sounded like he was overjoyed. He paused for a second at the end of the buffet line, then gave up for something he wasn't sure worked, "How else do you elevate everyone's levels?" A grazing group of guards giggled. "Well I don't bring them into battles, that's for sure." Pinkie looked back at him before taking her plate off the counter to see if he was joking, when she noticed him trying to hide his smirk... "You were joking this whole time!?" She complained. The group of guards started laughing. Pinkie looked over at them in confusion; she had tried to get the guard to laugh earlier, and they were the toughest crowd, now they were laughing but everypony else wasn't. "But that's not fair!" she cried, "I don't get the joke!" Fuji walked over to the table and sat down, "I play a lot of RPGs, usually you control a team of players called a party, who you level up through experience points." "Ohhhh!" Pinkie smiled, then giggled at the pun. "But what's an RPG?" The glancing guards gawked. Fuji smirked, this mare was going to know everything about jRPGs by the time he was finished testing his food. Robert stretched and yawned in his bed. He felt more rested than he had felt in a long while. He looked across the room, and instead of seeing a cute mare on a bed, he found his clothes that he hurriedly threw against the wall last night. Why was he in such a hurry anyway? Sighing contently, he tossed the covers off himself, revealing his hairy 40 year old naked body. As he picked himself up off his bed and walked towards his clothes, he started whistling a tune. Picking up and sniffing the clothes, he frowned, realizing he would need more than one pair of clothes if he was staying for multiple days, and did this place have a shower? He checked the map that was also thrown on the floor. Yup, apparently they had showers... but why? ... He shrugged and put his clothes on. Then he noticed his stomach growling, and decided he would eat first, then shower. So he followed the map to the dining area... Upon entering the dining area, Robert looked around and found almost everypony staring back at him. It was like entering a class late, but the staring seemed to last longer than normal, and many seemed to be stealing glances back to him and somewhere else... Fuji. It was strange how similar these ponies were to humans, but now he knew both where Fuji was, and breakfast. He smiled as he walked towards the much more important of the choices: breakfast. And then he frowned, noticing he didn't know what most of the things were, or if they were even edible... was that hay? Looking over the buffet, he picked out a bunch of dolma along with the weird sweet been sauce that was next to it, and, and, looking over at the dessert section, he decided to treat himself to the plum pecan pie. Now... Fuji... the only other human in this world... Robert turned to where he remembered and saw Fuji leaning back in his seat, being completely overwhelmed by a pink horse that was practically on top of him. Robert couldn't help but laugh on the inside at the scene. "Why don't you get it!?" Pinkie leaned forward with her hooves on the table, "That was one of my best jokes!" "I don't know what a cockatrice is. All I know is that it sounds very feminine from what you say." Fuji shrank in his seat, but still put another sample of food into his mouth. "You two trading jokes?" Robert asked, pulling up a chair. "Yeah," Pinkie threw her hooves towards Fuji in frustration, "But this guy isn't getting any of them. It's like he's from a completely different planet!" Robert just stared at her for a while... "What?" She cried, exasperated. "Nothing," Robert answered. "But if we're on the subject of jokes," he grinned evilly, "I've got a coupe of my own." "Ooh!" Pinkie Pie slammed her hooves on the table, "Lay 'em on me!" "Okay," Robert cracked his knuckles, which Pinkie stared at curiously for a second, "What's sad about the four earth ponies in a carriage that drove off a cliff?" He had trouble hiding his grin. "Uh..." Pinkie started moving back a bit, frowning "I- I don't think I like where this is going... Isn't them falling off a cliff sad enough?" Robert frowned and looked down, ignoring Pinkie's protests "They were my friends..." Pinkie bit her lip and shifted about. Was that really just a joke? Or was he really just sad and needed something to cheer him up? She needed to give some damage to this situation stat! And then she would have to bring out all the stops! She wasn't going to have a sad human on her hooves! "Uh," Pinkie stood up and gestured wildly, "the ear- the ponies. Um-" Robert started fake crying, earning him a glare from Fuji that whispered, what the fuck are you doing? "It's okay!" Pinkie almost shouted, "I- Uh- ... I'll be your friend!" Robert looked up, trying his hardest to look sad and not burst out laughing, "Why would you say that?" Pinkie blanched, "I- What? I don't understand..." Fuji was now staring at Robert with full on disapproval, but was ignored. He wasn't going to interfere though; this could be interesting, and he still had to sample all of the foods. Robert slowly transitioned to anger, to anyone that didn't know him, they would have thought these were his genuine emotions. "You think you can just replace my friends?" He said in a cold, accusing voice. "What? No, I-would-never!" Pinkie waved her fore-hooves back and forth in an X. After only seeing Robert go back into his sadness, she started to panic, quickly and quietly muttering things to herself. ... Fuji interrupted the silence with a dark and deafening deadpan, "Robert, I think you're taking things too far." "Taking what too far?" Rob went back to his normal emotions as if Fuji had flipped a switch. "Oh, sorry," He grinned sheepishly, "that was probably a bad joke," now his grin turned devilish, "I'll make up for-" "THAT WAS A JOKE!?" Pinkie Pie screamed. "THAT WAS HORRIBLE! IT MADE EVERYONE FEEL WORSE! Everyone in this room is now sadder thanks to you!" She narrowed her eyes and pointer her hoof at him, "Why would you even do something like that!?" "Sorry," rob apologized, annoyed at Pinkie's loudness, "I said I'd make up for it." "You better..." Pinkie Pie squinted, then sat back down. "Okay," Robert readied himself with some breathing exercises... "What's worse than a snack rotting before you can eat it?" Pinkie turned her head to the side and muttered, "I hate when that happens..." She turned back and raised her hoof in question, "What?" "Miscarriage." Robert deadpanned. Fuji pushed himself away from the table, feeling the building tension. He picked up his plate, still sampling... He figured he could always step in if Robert really went too far with... whatever he was doing. Pinkie coughed, nearly choking on some of her food, then looked at Robert with a look that just cried seriously? She started shaking her head "uh-uh, no, you should not be allowed to tell any more jokes." Robert looks at her with puppy dog eyes. To anyone else, this may have been the most repulsive sight on earth, but to Pinkie, it was a look she couldn't take at all, from anything. "But I still have one more..." Robert pleaded. Pinkie gave an unsure glare back, but she had already succumbed to the sight that most would have either classified as laughable or disgusting. "Fine..." Pinkie deadpanned, "One more joke. But this one better be fun and not... whatever your jokes are. Your jokes are almost as mean as breaking promises" "Oh, it will be." Robert rubbed his hands together, then restarted his breathing exercises. Truthfully he didn't have a third joke, but then he heard her say promises... "Okay," he breathed out, readying his body for what was sure to come, "Actually, I promise never to make a bad joke again." He nodded, seemingly resigned to his destiny. Pinkie's eyes widened, "Do you Pinkie promise?" "Uh... sure." Robert held out his pinkie finger at Pinkie, Pinkie only stared at the pinkie. "I think I'm missing something here," She mused at the appendage. "Anyway, I Pinkie promise." Robert states. "Wait-a-minute," Pinkie interrupted, "that's not how you Pinkie Promise." "Oh?" Robert raised an eyebrow. "Like this!" Pinkie moved herself into a sitting position and readied herself for all the regular motions, "Cross my heart, Hope to fly, Stick a cupcake in my eye." "Okay," Robert smirked, then readied himself for similar motions, though it would still be a bit embarrassing, "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye," He wasn't sure where he heard that phrase, and it was strange that Pinkie's phrase rhymed so perfectly, but whatever. Pinkie cringed and held her hooves over one of her eyes. "I will never tell such bad jokes again," Robert clarified. Pinkie sat back breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay..." Robert started, breathing in and out, readying his body for tackling, "What's sad about the four earth ponies in the carriage that drove off a cliff?" He repeated. Pinkie gave a half disgusted, half unsure face before asking in a lowered voice, "...what?" Was he seriously going to- "They were my friends..." Pinkie Pie gaped. Her left ear and right eye started twitching as she stared at Robert. Did he just? No, he definitely did... That has to be some sort of sick world record of promise breaking... And he had to tell the worst joke too. "Oops," Robert laughed, "I already told that one. I guess technically that means I broke my promise... " He shrugged, "Oh well" Pinkie pie felt something burning hot slowly take over her. Something in the back of her mind told her that this was what anger felt like. But this couldn't be anger... anger was never this powerful... Robert looked down at the twitching, red-faced pinkie, laughing his victorious laugh. He had successfully broken the pony... He wasn't even sure why he wanted to do so in the first place any more, but the results were so satisfying... Unfortunately for him, as he looked down at Pinkie's reddening face, all of his defenses lowered at the adorableness of her anger. "That isn't funny..." Pinkie Pie tried using Robert's breathing exercises to calm herself, unsuccessfully. "You can make fun of almost anything you want. But do not make fun of my promises!" She glared. Fuji felt his danger sense tingle, and edged closer to the table with his sample tray. "Oh, come on," Robert looked at her, bemused, "Who could take a "pinkie promise" seriously? And I only started telling those jokes because your "humor" seemed to be irritating Fuji." Robert looked over. Pinkie Pie looked over at Fuji with sadness in her eyes. Fuji just held the tray of food to his chest in fear, as if he had been caught red handed. "Is this true?" Pinkie squeaked. "No!" Fuji shook his head rapidly. "Liar," Robert glared, then turned back to Pinkie Pie. "Seriously, you gotta learn something about personal space. I haven't seen any other ponies ignore implicit social rules as much as you do." "Personal space?" Pinkie Pie tilted her head and held her hooves apart from each other, "implicit social rules?" She acted as if she were holding a scroll. Robert face-palmed, "Your friends must all be push-overs or idiots if you can get away with that stuff..." Pinkie suddenly stopped her decent into sadness at the mention of the word: "friends." "...Nopony..." She whispered, slowly looking up at Robert with a face entirely devoid of expression. He felt a chill climb up his spine, "Nopony," Pinkie repeated in a much louder tone, "Insults. My. Friends!" Pinkie Pie leapt clean over the table at Robert, who barely managed to avoid her. Fuji ran up and tried to hold Pinkie back, "Stop it!" he pleaded. But Pinkie was no longer able to listen to reason. She easily peeled Fuji's arms off of her and exploded at Robert with tremendous speeds. Princess Celestia Walked over to the lunch room to check on Robert and Fuji, and then to tell Pinkie her carriage was ready. "YOU ASS SLAVING, CUNT, MOTHER BUCKER!" Pinkie Pie shot out of Fuji's grasp and propelled towards Robert's amused yet slightly terrified face. Robert barely had time to dodge, and that was only because Pinkie was making such wasteful movements in her anger. Celestia stared at the scene from behind the crowd, stunned, mouth agape. Pinkie hit the ground, and the gathering crowd parted around her as she shot back towards Robert at speeds he didn't think possible. He didn't even have time to dodge before Pinkie rammed her head against his abdomen, knocking the wind out of him. Pinkie stood on top of him, breathing heavily in rage, but stopped when she noticed him laughing in joy and felt something strange stroking her hair. "ah- ... ha ha..." Pinkie turned to where the raspy laughter was coming from. She was looking down at Robert, who had one of the most genuine smiles she had seen in a while, and... was he petting her? "HA Hahahaha..." Robert laughed. "That was exciting!" Pinkie looked at him, completely confused. Robert slowly picked himself back up, picking up Pinkie Pie as well and holding her at arms length. She started flailing about, trying desperately to hit Robert. Finally, Celestia snapped out of it, and flew above the crowd. "Pinkamena Diane Pie!" Celestia bellowed. Pinkie's face went white with fear. No pony had called her that in a long time, so why did it have to be such a bad moment? Why was her princess and friend yelling at her like that? She stopped flailing and swung forward, breaking out of Robert's grasp and clinging to his torso. "You have used obscene language in the vicinity of foals! And you have attacked another without provocation!" Celestia glared. Pinkie Pie held on to Robert even more tightly. Robert was starting to have a hard time breathing. "Explain yourself!" Pinkie Pie tensed one last time, then slowly removed herself from Robert, and plopped onto the floor. She sat in front of the princess giving a sheepish grin while shivering from a cold sweat. "Uh..." She squeaked, continued her sheepish grin a bit, then looked down. "Oh no..." She said quietly, staring at the floor, "I'm guilty of everything..." "Pinkie Pie-" Celestia started. But she was cut off when Robert stepped in front of the cowering Pinkie Pie with an expression that could have given a dragon pause. "Hold on." Robert gave a "stop" gesture with his hand, "She didn't attack without provocation, I definitely provoked her. And I think that would also make me responsible for the swearing in front of... foals?..." He looked around, raising an eyebrow at the horse lingo, "foals, as well." Princess Celestia regarded Robert for a second, then looked down at the Pinkie Pie cowering between his legs... "Pinkie Pie, could you explain things a little better?" Pinkie Pie looked up at her mentor with scared, unsure eyes, then started to recant everything that happened since she woke up. though she still stayed close to Robert, she did move out from under his legs. Celestia cut her off when she started explaining her previous explanations. "M-hmm," Celestia finally nodded then looked to Robert. "This wouldn't be the first time he provoked somepony- or, someone to violence," She squinted, and added threateningly "I hope this doesn't become a trend..." "Oh, of course not!" Robert bull-shitted. Celestia squinted harder. Robert gulped, suddenly not feeling as alpha anymore. "And Pinkie," Celestia turned back to the mare and furrowed her brow, "you shouldn't be so quick to anger." "But he insulted my friends!" Pinkie complained, throwing out her hooves. "Yes," Celestia closed her eyes, "He did." She reopened her eyes and gave Pinkie a cold, hard stare, "But that alone does not give you the right to assault him..." After a few seconds of starting, she let up, and looked at Robert and Fuji, "...Anyway, now that you're here, I think I should tell you that you'll both be heading to Ponyville with Pinkie Pie. I think it's best that you all find some actual homes and places to work, plus" she leaned in to Robert and Fuji, then looked around at the murmuring crowd, "I think it's best you don't overstay your welcome," She hissed. Robert stared down at her. He noted that Pinkie was not receiving any punishment for aggravated assault. Princess Celestia waved goodbye to the secret carriage that carried the trio... Luna's carriage... Why did everything have to remind her? Why was the pain getting worse now, not better? Princess Celestia tried to get some rest, but something was bothering her. Thinking back on it, she was pretty harsh to Pinkie Pie... actually... that poor mare was shivering, wasn't she... She sighed, then levitated ink, quill, and paper in front of her. "Dear Pinkie Pie, I apologize for my accusations during your stay at Canterlot. I was simply shell shocked from the circumstance, and acted too hastily. If I scared you or hurt you, I am deeply sorry; I care about all of my little ponies, and it hurts me whenever any of them come to harm. I wish to be loved and admired as the princess of Canterlot, not feared. If you can think of any forms of compensation that would make up for my actions, please give your requests in the blank space on this scroll. Caring about you, Princess Celestia" "Philomena..." Celestia called out. A beautiful phoenix swooped down and burned the scroll, sending it to Pinkie Pie. Satisfied, Celestia laid down to rest... *pop* A scroll dropped right on her head, opening it, she saw her own apology letter. She looked down... "I'll take apologies in the form of differing royal deserts sent directly to my door-step daily." Celestia gaped a bit, Pinkie was definitely milking this... or maybe Robert stole the letter and wrote something quickly before telling the guards to send it... Either way, Celestia intended to make good on her apology... even if she would have to give up more than a few desserts...