Pennington shuddered as he swallowed another mouthful of Zecora's home-brewed elixir. The brew left a bitter taste in his mouth, but with every sip, he felt stronger. The holes in his legs were essentially gone, now, but he still kept the bandages wrapped around them. The new look was growing on him, and made for a good excuse in case he began having trouble with the old wounds opening up under stress. Moonstone was still exploring the zebra's home, examining the masks and other cultural artifacts.
"I know the taste does not appeal, but tell me, friend, how do you feel?" Zecora smiled.
"I feel more like myself again. I can't hear the hive mind, anymore... so there's a bit more peace and quiet in my brain." He look another sip, swallowing before he had time to taste. "The wound in my side is practically unnoticeable, and my horn has stopped hurting. You're really a miracle worker!" He gave her a brief smile and set aside the cup, still almost half-full.
"In your physical healing, I'm glad to take part, but what I question right now is the state of your heart!" She frowned slightly as she took the cup from where he had set it, assuming that he had finished. "Wounds of the body are a simple remedy. Wounds of the mind are a serious malady!" Looking down into the cup, she rolled her eyes and placed it back where he had put it down.
"I'm-" Pennington seemed as if he were about to assure her that he was fine, but cut himself off again, taking the time to think his way through his words. "My magic still hasn't come back, and I'm starting to doubt that it ever will. I know that these things take time, but it's been almost two weeks, and I still can't even lift a quill! All this new horn does is sputter and spark!" Frustrated, Pennington reached up and gently flicked at the horn. It was slightly longer and sharper than his original horn had been, and a pony who knew that it was a fake might have been able to notice a slight discoloration compared to the color of the base.
Zecora spent a moment in thought, gently tapping her chin with her hoof. "When it comes to regaining your magic abilities, I would say that, right now, there are two possibilities. The first is that your wound was simply too great. Destroying your magic with itself leaves room for debate..."
"You mean- Because I used my own magic to cut off my horn, it will never come back?"
"Or this time, for your magic, is not a good season. If you want to have strength, you must have a good reason. The source of enchantment-" She gently prodded at his chest, "is here, not your horn! And I can tell that right here, you only give yourself scorn."
Pennington looked down, staring at her hoof poking at his chest. After a few seconds, she sighed and stepped away again.
"I doubt Callalily would admire self-reproof. If she were here, I know she would-"
"Oh, leave Lily out of it, would you?" Pennington grumbled, walking to the corner of the room and sitting down. "You always thought the two of us were meant to be, but we're not! Now is not the time to be pressuring me about it! My lessons with Twilight are the only things giving me the will to keep going!"
Zecora was about to speak again, but Moonstone finally chirped up from the other room.
"Um, Zecora? I can't find that ingredient you asked for!"
Both Pennington and Zecora stared at the door, each confused.
"Moonstone, my dear! There's no need to fear! I didn't ask you to retrieve! Right here I have all that I need!"
"Are you sure? Then what am I supposed to do with all this other stuff? I mean, I got heart's desire, birch lye, dayshade... Didn't you ask for all this in a poultice?"
Zecora's eyes grew wide as she rushed out of the room. Moonstone stepped out a few seconds later, trying her best to withhold a fit of snickers. Pennington raised an eyebrow in suspicion. Moonstone simply shrugged.
"Sounded like things were getting awkward, so I changed the subject."
"What was all that?"
"Well, when you combine those, they're kinda volatile... If you add a bit of mint extract, then they make a strong sleeping drought. If you leave them too long without the extract... An overcomplicated stink bomb."
"Moonstone!"
"You can thank me later for bailing you out."
When Zecora returned, she was carrying a small bowl.
"Regardless of your thoughts, Penn, I will simply say it again: you need to rest, that would be best!"
Pennington slowly nodded. "I would if I could, but, I just can't seem to settle down! What happened with Chrysalis... It just won't leave me alone!"
Zecora tapped her chin in thought. "The princess forgave you, and the captain, as well... Is it possible you haven't forgiven yourself?"
Pennington let out a long sigh, leaning back.
"No, no I haven't... I can't."
Dear Princess Luna,
There's been little progress. I've been spending my evenings and nights with Zecora and Twilight, one focusing on rejuvenating my body and healing my wounds, and the other focusing on my magic and my heart... Only one of them is being successful. It's been two and a half weeks of daily lessons, and my magic literally cannot so much as rustle a feather. I know that it is still early, but I have rarely felt so powerless in my life... and I am beginning to lose what little hope I had.
As you can probably tell by the far superior penmanship, Moonstone and I have been practicing dictation. My hoof quickly grows tired, and I cannot use my magic to lift a quill. There were a few bugs in the system, at first (No, he was just being stubborn! -Moonstone), but we quickly worked them out. I truly couldn't ask for a better assistant or friend during my recovery. She's been nothing but supportive of me, and was the one who finally convinced me of the redeeming qualities of dictation. Putting aside the classical aesthetic of a quill and inkwell, I've begun also experimenting in different, less strenuous methods of writing. Moonstone and Applejack even went so far as to put together a gift basket, of sorts, full of pens, pencils, and erasers, and other such supplies.
I'm taking your advice about being genuine with the ponies around me, by the way. I'm going to allow my hair and tail to grow out in their natural colors... Ever since Applejack and I learned how to get along better, I'm less and less angry towards my extended family, though I still don't fit in.
So regarding your choice to keep me as your protege... I have a question regarding my assignment to create a new beastiary... Should it include creatures not indigenous to Equestria?
"Come on, Pennington!" Twilight urged, eyes focused on his horn. "You just need to get a good grip on it, then you pull up! Just like grabbing something with your hoof."
Pennington, standing in the center of the library, was sweating and grunting as he angrily stared down the quill sitting in front of him. With another grunt, his new horn sputtered to life, flashing and sparking several times before eventually going dark again.
"Yeah... Just like grabbing something with your hoof... While it's asleep... And your leg is dislocated..." He muttered, storming to the table and snatching up the quill with his hoof, glaring at it as if it were the source of his struggles.
Twilight let out a long sigh. "Penny, it's been three hours, just like every night. Maybe we just need to stop and let you rest for a bit..."
"Yeah, well, maybe this thing is just defective!" Pennington reached up and tapped the replacement horn, putting the quill down again. "I mean, it feels like it isn't even there!"
The replacement had, at his request, been slightly longer than his previous horn, and ended in a sharper tip. When he had first had it attached, it had been a muddy-brown color. Lily had quickly found a dye of it to match his original color, but the trained eye could spot the place where it had been attached. Twilight was surprised that Luna had managed to find an alchemical agent so quickly, but Pennington had been given his new horn before they left Canterlot. His ability to use it, however, seemed to be taking much longer.
"Watch it, Penn!" Moonstone called from the corner, where she had been dozing. Spike had chosen to lay upstairs, watching them from above, but Moonstone seemed to be growing tired of watching the same thing night after night, and taken the extra time to catch up on her sleep. Occasionally, however, she would pipe up with some kind of remark. Sometimes she would be helpful, sometimes not. "Don't forget the blood, sweat and tears that went into making that!"
Pennington took a deep breath, calming down. If he was still angry, he hid it well. "You know what, Twi? You're right. We've been working too hard. I'm going to go back home and have a tall glass of strong lemonade, then get back to writing my summary on changelings." With a tired smile, he walked up to Twilight, kissing her on the cheek. "Lots to do, plenty to write! Thanks for the help, beautiful..."
"Any time, Penn..." She smiled, blushing at his affection. "Same time tomorrow?"
"You got it!" He smiled, grinning as she returned the kiss on his cheek. "See you tomorrow!" With a nod to Spike, he trotted to the door. Pausing, he turned back around. "Moonstone? Are you coming?"
Moonstone stretched from her reclined position in the corner, slowly opening her eyes. "I'll catch up, Penn! I almost forgot that I need to grab a book on Old Draconian for my studies!"
"Well... Just hurry" Pennington seemed somewhat disappointed, but when Moonstone nodded, he walked out the front door, taking the time to close it behind him with his hoof.
"Old Draconian?" Twilight's brow furrowed in concentration. "I don't think that I have any reference materials about-"
"That was to get him to go. I wanted to talk to you on my own, where he can't hear." She shook her head.
"Why? What's the big secret?" Spike asked, still looking down on them from the next floor up."
"I think that Pennington is planning another trip. A big one." She shook her head.
"What?"
Looking directly into Twlight's eyes, Moonstone's gaze softened. "And I want to ask you not to stop him."
"WHAT?" Twilight shook her head in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me! What do you want me to do? Encourage him? Without his magic? In the state that he's in?"
"Precisely because of 'the state that he's in!'" Moonstone shook her head. "Twilight, he puts on a brave face for you so that you don't worry, but you don't see him when no one is watching!" Sitting down on the edge of the tabletop, she spoke to Twilight at eye level. "Do you know what he does all day? If he was introverted before, he's at least twice as bad, now!" Motioning to the door Pennington had left through, she shook her head. "Because he hasn't set hoof in daylight since he came back!"
Twilight was surprised, but as far as she knew, Moonstone was telling the truth. The few dates that she and Pennington had gone on together had always been by moonlight. She'd always thought that he was simply trying to be romantic, but... Does he seriously not want to go out in sunlight? Why?
"He doesn't eat." Moonstone shook her head. "I've practically had to force-feed him, and I've come close to ramming a decent meal down his throat with my own claws! I want to help him recover, but he's not letting me any more... The only thing he eats or drinks of his own volition is that lemon juice and honey mix."
"But- I don't understand! I mean, he seemed like he was doing so well after everything that happened!"
"He doesn't even write any more..." Moonstone looked down, her eyes beginning to water. "I mean, he says he's been writing, but he just picks up the quill and scratches at the paper until it's torn to shreds! Applejack and I bought him pencils and pens and all those things that would make it easier for him to write because we knew that it was his only outlet for all of these negative emotions! Now he just stares at the scraps once he's finished. Sometimes, when he thinks I'm asleep, I find him upstairs in the only bedroom in the house, crying into the pillow like a mourning child." The tears dropped silently into her lap, but her voice was beginning to crack with her grief. "He's torturing himself, Twilight, and I watch it day by day!" After taking a moment to collect herself, she wiped the tears away.
"Other nights, when I wake up, I find him pouring over maps. Inside Equestria, outside Equestria, I've seen them all. He and I never say a word on those nights about what he's thinking, and he never seems surprised to see me. He asks for the occasional mapping tool, but that's all the exchange we ever have. He's plotting a path, weighing his options about where to go."
"But- why would he want to leave? He has so much for himself here!" Twilight shook her head, not wanting to admit how much Moonstone's words sounded like something Pennington would do.
"Did you ever think that was just it?" Spike spoke up, sitting with his legs dangling off the edge of Twilight's bed. "I mean, Pennington refused to kill for Chrysalis, but... the other changelings didn't care. If he really blames himself for what happened the way I would, he probably feels like he doesn't deserve very much right now, and you're all forcing it on him!" With a small burst and a flash of green flame, a small scrap of paper appeared in his claw. "I never put anything like that into my own 'Spike the Dragon' Code, but if I felt responsible for somepony's death, I don't know if I'd feel like I even deserve to live any more!"
Twilight's eyes widened with fear. "Th- Then you mean-"
"Don't worry, Twilight. If Penn was going to kill himself, he would have taken that sword down off his wall a long time ago. I get the feeling that he's too afraid to do it." Moonstone shook her head. "But Spike's right. We're trying with all of our might to get him to cheer up and be happy after he lost control over absolutely everything in his life... Maybe we're not giving him enough control? If we take away his ability to leave his home, whether or not he continues to live might be the only thing left he feels he has control over." Moonstone shook her head. "That's why we would need to let him go... or that nightmare might become a reality."
"Well, then I'm going with him!" Twilight's eyes narrowed. "I'm packing my bags and going with him!"
"Because having to drag you, kicking and screaming, along with him is definitely going to make him feel like he's making his own decisions..." Spike muttered.
"Spike has a point, Twilight." Moonstone spoke up before she could react to the sarcasm. "He might invite you to come along, but you can't forget that I'm going to be there every step of the way!" She placed a gentle claw on Twilight's shoulder. "The fact that I'm the one he's willing to let see him cry speaks volumes about the fact that I can do the most good for him right now. Besides, you need to stay here and take care of Spike." She nodded towards the green-and-purple dragon in question. "After all, he's still just a baby dragon."
"So are you!" Spike argued, prompting a cynical glance from the dragonet.
"Spike, please. By the time I was your age, I was on my way to Canterlot to leave the nest and serve the Princess!" She rolled her eyes. "You weren't even hatched yet."
Both Twilight and Spike seemed to momentarily lose their trains of thought, staring at her in confusion.
"But that means you're at least-"
"Anyway, Twilight, you know what we need to do... for his own good... So I'm begging you! Please, if Pennington leaves, let him go! If you don't, I can't guarantee that he'll be as safe as he would be with me out there in the world..." She hopped down from the table's edge. "Luna asked me to be his assistant knowing that I'd have to take care of him out in that big, wide, scary world. You won't need to be afraid. I'll be the one making sure he doesn't get himself killed out there."
Twilight felt her heart sink a little at the statement, in spite of the intent to reassure. But... That's MY job...
"But, if he leaves, what will happen to our relationship?" She asked quietly.
"I don't think that he'd be willing to tell me if I asked." Moonstone shook her head. "But... the nights he eats are the nights he's been out spending time with you. The nights you two go out for a date, he goes to sleep at a reasonable hour and doesn't wake up again until morning. I don't think that, after what happened with Trixie, he would just lead you on, only to abandon you later. I can do good for him at home, but you're the one making him think leaving the house is worth it. Even when he doesn't feel like he deserves to walk in the light of the sun." Walking over to a shelf, she picked a book and pulled it out.
"Hmm... 'The Lunar Conquest: 1000 Years of Adventure.' Do you mind if I borrow this?"
Twilight shook her head. With a quiet nod to herself, Moonstone slipped the book under her arm. As she walked to the door, however, Twilight couldn't help but speak.
"Moonstone?"
Turning back to look at her, the two mutually exchanged a weak, melancholy smile.
"Thank you for warning me about all of this."
"Thank you, Twilight. I'm worried about him just as much as you are, and it's good to have someone to confide in." With a final nod, Moonstone slipped out the door, silently closing it behind her.