//------------------------------// // Cage Match // Story: Mortal Kombat: Equestria // by Green Akers //------------------------------// Raiden poked his head out of his office just as his secretary was sitting down at her desk. "Morning, Fran," he offered. Raiden's secretary, a young-looking brunette sporting a pair of angel wings, turned around with a confused look on her face. "Oh! Good morning, sir!" she responded. "I didn't expect to see you in the office this early in the morning." "I had an early morning meeting with the Purgatory committee," Raiden explained. "They still haven't figured out whether to send Al Davis up or down. I keep trying to tell them that just being associated with the Raiders is not grounds for condemnation, but..." He sighed and shook his head. "So what's my schedule look like for today?" "Let's see..." Fran pulled up her boss's schedule. "You've got a meeting with Steve Jobs at 11, a conference call to discuss the new EGRP at 2..." "The what?" Raiden asked. "The Elder God Recycling Program," Fran elaborated, holding up a blue bin that was sitting on her desk. "The zero-sort pilot started last week, remember?" "Right, right," Raiden recalled. "Anything else?" "Just a phone message from a 'Princess Celestia,'" Fran declared. "She wanted to know if you were coming over to watch the primetime fight this evening." "No," Raiden stated succinctly. "I think I've spent enough time with that particular all-powerful being to last a lifetime, thank you very much." "I'll tell her you declined, then," Fran decided. "Good, thank you," Raiden acknowledged. "Oh, and before I forget...has there been any information posted about the second-round tournament matches?" "Let's see," Fran replied, navigating to iheartshaokahn.com with her web browser. "A little bit, yes," she announced. "A partial listing of the early-morning matches is up now." "Anything we care about?" Raiden inquired. Fran quickly scanned the site. "Ooh! Ooh! Johnny Cage is fighting today!" she squealed. "I love Johnny Cage!" "So I've heard." Raiden rolled his eyes. "Who's he fighting?" "I'm not sure," Fran admitted, looking at the listing a second time. "I've never heard of this fighter before. Do you know anybody from Outworld named...'Applejack'?" "Oh, great." Raiden facepalmed at the sound of the name. "That's one of Celestia's 'champions' that she decided to enter in the tourney for her own amusement...and to make my life miserable." "Well, I don't care who it is!" Fran proclaimed. "Johnny's gonna smash them up good!" "For his sake - and mine - you'd better be right," Raiden muttered. Twilight sat in silence in the castle cafeteria, watching as Applejack engaged in a staring contest with her bowl of oatmeal. "Are you okay, Applejack?" Twilight finally asked. "...I dunno, Twi," Applejack admitted. "I mean, I know I have to fight whoever they tell me too, but still...ain't this Cage fella supposed to be one of the good guys?" "He certainly isn't one of the nice guys, that's for sure," Twilight offered. "The last time we saw him, he accused us of working for Shao Kahn, remember?" "I'm sure he didn't mean it," Fluttershy chimed in from across the table. "That's what I think too," Applejack agreed. "I reckon if we had to carry our hut back up the mountain without magic, none of us would be in a real good mood either." "I suppose," Twilight conceded. "By the way...what happened to Rarity? She hasn't come back from the serving line yet." "She's over there," Spike answered, pointing to where Rarity was deep in conversation with a large, muscular woman with four arms. "That...whatever she is...stopped Rarity to ask about her hat." He grimaced at the unappetizing breakfast in front of him. "She certainly isn't missing anything," he commented with a scowl. The conversation lapsed into silence for another minute or so, which Applejack spent trying to convince herself to eat the breakfast she had been served. Come on girl, she chided herself, you need to keep your strength up for the fight. It doesn't matter if you're fightin' Cage, or Liu Kang, or even Princess Celestia - you ain't gonna lose, not with Apple Bloom's life on the line. Her pep talk failed to bring back her appetite, however, and she finally decided that something else had to be done. "Aw, to heck with it," she proclaimed, pushing aside her food and standing up to leave. "Wait! Where are you going?" Twilight inquired. "I'm goin' to talk to Johnny," Applejack announced. "I feel bad goin' against him, seein' that we're on the same side and all, and I reckon he probably feels the same way. I figure I should at least go talk to the guy, and tell him there won't be no hard feelings about havin' to battle." Twilight considered the idea for a moment. "That's not a bad idea, actually," she finally agreed. "I'll come with you - what do you think, Fluttershy?" "Oh...well...I don't think I have time," Fluttershy explained, looking down at the bowl of Frosted Flakes before her. "I'd hate to let my cereal get soggy and risk having to throw it away, and make the chef here think I didn't like their breakfast." "But...the chefs here don't actually make the..." Twilight decided the point wasn't worth arguing. "Okay then," she continued, "how about you, Spike?" "Er..." Spike hesitated, knowing full well who had stolen the fighters' hut in the first place. "Maybe I'll stay here with Rarity and Fluttershy." "That's fine," Applejack observed. "We best be gettin' along, Twilight - time's a wastin'." Applejack and Twilight headed for the exit, only to run into Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash as they were entering the room. "There you two are!" Twilight addressed the pair. "Where have you been? Were you two out partying all night again? ...And why do you have a pack of Sharpies in your mouth?" "Theef?" Rainbow Dash spit the markers onto the floor. "Uh, no reason." "We were just out showing these hosers how to really get down!" Pinkie Pie declared, striking a Saturday Night Fever pose. "We'll have to come back here once this tourney is done - this place would be perfect for my Super Summer Send-Off Party!" "I'll keep that in mind," Twilight muttered. "Anyway, we're..." "MISS PIE!" Twilight was interrupted by a robotic voice, and turned to see Sektor approaching the group. "YOUR SOCIAL GATHERING LAST NIGHT WAS THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE," Sektor continued, bowling over Applejack and sweeping Pinkie Pie off her feet. "I INSIST YOU SIT AT OUR TABLE." "Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie Pie agreed. Applejack and Twilight exchanged confused looks as the robot hauled Pinkie Pie away. "...I don't even want to know." Twilight finally decided. Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Well, I'm off to chow down!" she proclaimed, flying over to where Fluttershy and Spike were sitting. "C'mon, Twilight," Applejack reiterated. "We've got business to attend to." Twilight and Applejack approached the hut of Liu Kang and his friends with caution. "I hope we aren't interrupting anything," Twilight offered. "I doubt it," Applejack observed. "What is it, 9 o'clock? Heck, my whole family's been up for five hours by now." Twilight just sighed as Applejack knocked on the hut door. After a few moments, the door cracked open and Liu Kang stuck his head out. "Ah, Twilight, Applejack, hello," he greeted the ponies. "What brings you here this morning?" "I'm scheduled to fight your friend Johnny in a few hours," Applejack explained. "I just wanted to talk to him - you know, to clear the air, and make sure there ain't gonna be any hard feelings." "You wish to speak to Johnny?" Liu Kang hesitated for a moment. "To be honest, I don't think now's a good time for him..." "Why not?" Twilight inquired. "Is something wrong?" "Well..." Liu Kang began. "For crying out loud, Johnny!" Liu Kang was cut off by Sonya's sudden scream. "You've been in the bathroom for two freaking hours!" Sonya lamented. "Get out of there, right now!" "No!" Johnny shouted back. "I'm never coming out again! I can't show my face in the light of day looking like this!" Liu Kang looked back over at Applejack and Twilight with a helpless expression. "See what I mean?" he pointed out. "Oh...well, okay then," Applejack decided. "We'll come back later - just tell him we came by, y'hear?" "I will," Liu Kang promised. Just as the ponies turned to leave, however, Sonya came stomping up behind Liu Kang. "Ugh!" she exclaimed. "I have had it up to here with that prima donna - make him get out of the bathroom so I can wash my hair!" she whined. "And what are they doing here, anyway?" "I came to see Johnny Cage!" Applejack repeated. "I wanted to..." "You did? Great!" Sonya declared, turning and dashing back into the house. "Johnny!" she screamed. "Get out here right this instant - the stupid horses wanna talk to you!" "WHAT?!?!" The sound of a door flying open could be heard inside the hut, and Johnny Cage burst from the building in a rage, tossing Liu Kang out of the way and confronting the ponies. "You!" he screamed. "It always comes back to you, doesn't it?" Applejack gave Johnny a strange look. "What's that on your face?" she asked innocently. "You tell me!" Johnny snarled, pointing at the blurry smear of colors that stretched from his temple to his jaw. "I've been scrubbing this thing since I woke up this morning, but just like you ponies, it doesn't go away!" Applejack scratched her chin with her hoof as she scrutinized the mark on Johnny's face. "Shoot," she finally realized, "that sort of looks like..." "That hoof painting of Sugar Cube Corner that Pinkie and the Cake twins drew? Yes, I think so too!" Twilight quickly interrupted, recognizing the washed out picture of a cloud and multicolored lightning bolt a split-second before Applejack did (and making a mental note to confiscate Rainbow Dash's markers when they got back to their hut). "Here, let me help," she offered. "Maybe my magic could..." "Ohhhhh no you don't!" Johnny declared, jumping back with a start. "I'm not letting you or your crazy voodoo magic anywhere near my moneymaker, you hear me? You dumb ponies are nothing but bad news!" "Please, Johnny, control yourself!" Liu Kang scolded his companion. Johnny Cage facepalmed. "You still don't get it, do you, Louie?" he raged. "Up to now, we had a pretty good thing going with this tournament - smash some faces, save the world, make the cover of TIME, etc." He pointed an accusatory finger at the two ponies. "But ever since these morons showed up, nothing's gone right for us, not one lousy thing! Those bums are either in league in Shao Kahn, or they're the biggest flipping jinxes I've ever seen!" "You are being overdramatic," Liu Kang accused. Johnny Cage got back in Applejack's face. "Listen up, Apple Quack," he snapped. "When you step into the ring today, I'm going to break your face into a thousand pieces, and use your nasty-looking mane to knit a Christmas scarf for my Aunt Edna! You'll be begging Shang Tsung to take your soul when I'm through with you!" Applejack's temper finally boiled over. "Oh yeah?" she retorted. "That's mighty tough talk from a citified pretty boy who can't handle a little marker on his face. I ain't never lost to no big-city highfalutin' snob before, and I ain't about to start now! I'm gonna beat that Kahn feller and save my sister, even if I have to climb over your sorry behind to do it!" "Your mouth is writing some awfully big checks there," Johnny Cage growled, turning to go back inside. "We'll just see if you can cover the balance when the battle starts." Liu Kang watched Johnny stomp back into the hut, then looked back at Twilight with an apologetic expression. "He had a rather rough night," he explained. "I'm sure he did not really mean what he said." "That's too bad," Applejack grumbled, "'cause I sure did. Come on, Twilight - we best get ready for this here throwdown." Twilight shot Applejack a concerned look as the two walked away. "I guess that wasn't such a good idea after all," she pointed out. "Actually, I think it was just the thing I needed," Applejack proclaimed. "I'm really ready for this fight now! In fact, I think I'll head back over to the mess hall - all that fussin' really worked up an appetite." "Another cider, please!" Rainbow Dash requested, slamming her mug down on the counter. "That's your fifth glass," the server behind the counter remarked. "Don't you think you've had enough?" "Look, pal," Rainbow Dash declared. "I am not about to walk away from an bottomless cider mug after having to eat dirt just to get a taste of the stuff back home, get it? I said I want another cider, and that's what I'm gonna get!" "Whatever." The server rolled his eyes and refilled Rainbow Dash's glass. "Aw, yeah!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed triumphantly, tipping up her cup. "No one's keeping me from my cider this time!" "Excuse me, Miss Dash," a voice from behind the pegasus called out. "May I have a word with you?" Rainbow Dash froze just before the cider reached her lips. Lowering the mug, she turned to see one of Kahn's generic-looking ninjas standing behind her. "You just delayed my fifth mug of liquid awesomeness," she informed the ninja. "This had better be important." "Oh, I assure you it is," the ninja continued. "You see, I'm with the groundskeeping crew, and we're responsible for maintaining all the exotic greenery here on the island." "So?" Rainbow Dash responded. "Growing stuff is Applejack's department, not mine." "But you are one of the senior members of the weather team back in Equestria, are you not?" the ninja pressed. "Tell me...in your brief stay thus far, have you noticed anything...strange about the weather here?" "Not really," Rainbow Dash admitted. "I though the weather was pretty sweet, actually." "Exactly," the ninja declared. "Do you realize that we haven't had a rain cloud pass through here in almost two weeks?" "Whoa...that is bad," Rainbow Dash agreed. "Princess Celestia would never let us get away with waiting that long." "That's why I wanted to talk to you," the ninja revealed. "We could use a real humdinger of a storm right now, to make sure our plants and rivers have enough water. Do you think you could..." "Are you kidding?" Rainbow Dash laughed. "I'm the best cloud chaser in the history of ponydom! I could put together a storm that would make everypony grab two of each animal and hop on a boat in no time flat!" "Really?" The ninja smiled behind his mask. "Would you...care to demonstrate this?" "Is that a challenge?" Rainbow Dash inquired, giving the ninja the evil eye. "Only if you would like it to be," the ninja replied cryptically. Rainbow Dash tipped her cider mug back and chugged its contents in one gulp, then flung the mug down onto the floor with authority. "You are on!" she proclaimed, taking flight and zooming out the cafeteria door, leaving a rainbow-colored streak behind her. The ninja smiled and said nothing more, instead choosing to duck out a back exit. Out in the sunshine, however, the ninja's appearance began to change, and within seconds the man morphed back into his normal form, revealing his true identity as the sorcerer Shang Tsung. "We certainly are on," he cackled to himself, watching as Rainbow Dash began gathering clouds together in the sky, "but soon our good friend Johnny will be off." When it came to weather, Rainbow Dash could walk the walk as well as talk the talk, and within the hour a massive storm cloud took shape over the entire island, unleashing a massive downpour on its inhabitants. "Ugh!" Rarity muttered, as the ponies made their way to Applejack's battle site. "Honestly, Rainbow, what on earth possessed you to summon a monsoon like this? And right before Applejack's fight, of all times?" "They said they needed it for the plants!" Rainbow Dash insisted. "They needed to make up for not having any rain for the last two weeks!" "Well, couldn't you at least have made chocolate rain?" Pinkie Pie wondered. "I bet the plants would love that!" Rainbow Dash facehooved. "For the last time," she explained, "we cannot make chocolate rain! The last time we tried, Solar Eclipse reported seeing the explosion from space!" "Girls, you're missing the point!" Twilight interrupted. "A storm like this could seriously hinder the execution of our battle strategy!" "This?" Applejack looked up at the clouds. "Shucks, a little rain never hurt anypony. Besides, like Rainbow said, the plants could really use the water." Twilight eyed the foliage suspiciously as they walked, thinking it looked pretty lush and healthy for plants that hadn't seen water in a while. Finally, the group reached the battle arena, discovering that the driving rain had kept both the crowd and media presence to a minimum. In fact, the only ones there were Johnny Cage, Liu Kang, the battle referee, three members of the media, and Shang Tsung. Johnny stood around cursing a blue streak, holding up an umbrella to stay dry. "Of course it starts raining cats and dogs just before my fight," he spat in disgust. "What's next?" he yelled at the sky. "Hail? Snow? Or are you going to be more conventional, and have the referee serve me papers about another lawsuit?" "It's funny," the referee remarked to Shang Tsung. "Al Roker didn't say anything about rain in the forecast this morning...I wonder where this came from?" "Yes," Shang Tsung agreed, unable to stifle a grin. "I wonder..." For his part, Liu Kang tried to get Johnny to concentrate on the fight. "You must control your emotions," he instructed. "Remember, this fight had to be moved outside because Applejack made the lava cavern collapse during her first-round fight. She is a strong-willed opponent, and if you do not match her focus...she will defeat you." "In a horse's ear!" Johnny proclaimed. "I've never lost a fight in my life, and I'm not about to start now!" "Never lost?" Liu Kang arched an eyebrow. "You got served in the quarterfinals of the last tournament...and by Kurtis Stryker, of all people." "That's all in the past!" Johnny proclaimed. "You've gotta have a short memory when you're in this business! Actors, fighters, cornerbacks...if you get burned, you have to get back up and show them what you're made of!" "You are...not making any sense..." Liu Kang noted, "but at least your focus is better. Go get 'em, tiger." Applejack stepped into the circle, as the rest of her friends took up a ringside position. "All right," she declared, spitting onto the ground, "let's get this over with." "I'm with you," the referee confirmed. "Attention, everyone! This match is about to start! In this corner, the undisputed apple-bucking champion of the world...Applejack! And in this corner, the star of the Mortal Kombat octilogy, the new Million Dollar Man...Johnny Cage! Combatants ready?" "Bring it!" Johnny shouted, pulling his shades off and flipping them to Liu Kang. "I'm gonna put this pony out to pasture!" "I'd like to see you try," Applejack retorted. "You better get ready for a Apple-smackdown!" "I guess that's a yes," the referee translated. "Very well then...FIGHT!" Applejack and Johnny Cage rushed each other, engaging in a fierce round of hand-to-hoof combat. After a minute or so of intense fighting, however, neither combatant had gained the advantage. From their vantage point, Applejack's friends watched the stalemate with concern. "Oh dear," Rarity remarked. "This Cage fellow is certainly giving Applejack all she can handle." "No worries!" Rainbow Dash declared confidently. "Applejack is practically a tank on hooves - she'll wear him down!" From his side of the ring, Liu Kang was also intrigued by the impasse. "Johnny is fighting with more discipline than I expected," he said to himself. "Perhaps he found out about Sonya putting twenty dollars on the under when the betting line was at three minutes..." For his part, Shang Tsung watched the fight with a look of total disinterest. "Typical Cage," he muttered. "He always was more of a gamer than he looked." Suddenly, Shang felt a tapping on his shoulder, and turned to see a ninja standing behind him wearing a miner's hat and carrying a shovel. "We are fifteen feet away," the ninja whispered. "Shall we move in closer?" "Don't bother," Shang decided. "With all this rain, the ground should be soft enough to do the rest." Meanwhile in the ring, the fight's outcome remained in doubt, as neither side could break through the other's defenses. "Give it up, pony!" Johnny Cage demanded. "Do you have any idea how many crunches and pushups I have to do to keep up this physique? My body's a granite block! You can't possibly hang with me!" "Granite, huh?" Applejack couldn't help but smile. "I knew you had nothin' but rocks in that head of yours!" Rearing back, Applejack threw a left hoof that connected with Johnny's jaw, sending him staggering backwards. "You left an openin' a mile wide," Applejack taunted. "It was your mouth!" "That does it!" Johnny seethed, his face turning beet red. "Nobody touches the face and lives to tell the tale!" Gathering his strength, he raised his leg and brought out his signature Shadow Kick, sliding quickly across the sand and smashing Applejack on the end of her nose. "Hah!" he laughed, as the earth pony went head over hooves. "You asked for it - the Beast is coming out of the Cage now!" "Hardy har har..." Applejack grumbled, grabbing her mud-filled hat and slamming it back on her head. "We'll see who gets the last..." Suddenly, a loud rumbling could be heard emanating from underground. "What's going on?" Twilight asked. "Are we having an earthquake?" Johnny Cage threw his hands up in disgust. "Oh, sure, an earthquake!" he shouted at the sky. "How could I haaaaAAAAHHHH!" Before Johnny could finish, the ground gave way underneath the battle arena, sending both Johnny and Applejack tumbling into the pit that quickly replaced the ring. "APPLEJACK!" the other ponies screamed, as their friend disappeared into the hole. Peering over the edge of the pit, all they could see was a huge pile of wet sand at the bottom. "She must have gotten buried under all that mud!" Twilight surmised. "How dreadful!" Rarity shrieked. "I wouldn't wish such a horrible fate on anypony!" After a few tense seconds, Applejack's head emerged from the mud. "Whoa Nellie!" she exclaimed, spitting out a mouthful of wet sand. "I sure didn't see that one coming!" "You know," Rainbow Dash suggested from above, "if you're going to keep falling every time you fight, you should really invest in a parachute." "Ooh! Ooh! Or a rocket pack!" Pinkie Pie chimed in. "Wouldn't that be fun?" "AAAIIIEEE!" The conversation was interrupted by an ear-piercing scream, as Johnny Cage burst forth from the mud like it was on fire. "Eeeeewwwww!" he screeched. "This is disgusting! Whose bright idea was it to bring the house down, anyway? I'm a martial artist - emphasis on artist - not a mud wrestler!" A mischievous glint appeared in Applejack's eyes. "What's the matter?" she teased. "Afraid to get dirty?" Scooping up a hoofful of mud, she flung it at her opponent, striking him in the shoulder. "Yuck!" Johnny complained, furiously brushing the dirt off. "Quit it! That's dirty pool!" "That's kind of the point!" Applejack replied, throwing another mud ball at Johnny. "Hey! Whoa! Watch it!" Johnny objected, ducking and dodging Applejack's mud projectiles. "Are you even watching this?" he shouted at the referee. "Call a foul already!" "What?" The referee scratched his head. "Um...there aren't any fouls in Mortal Kombat." "Well...then flag her for unsportsmanlike conduct!" Johnny demanded. "Give her a yellow card! Heck, send her to the penalty box, I don't care! Just make...her...stop!" Johnny's rant was cut off by a perfectly aimed mud shot that caught him square in the face. "AAAAAHHHHH!" he screamed, furiously scraping the mud off. Sensing an opening, Applejack bull-rushed her opponent, grabbing him around the waist and tackling him to the ground. "Happy now?" she taunted, putting the actor in a headlock and giving him a noogie. "I'm not throwing mud anymore!" "Hey!" Johnny objected, flailing around in a futile attempt to free himself. "Hooves off the hair, hayseed! That haircut cost me fifty dollars!" The other ponies looked on in awe as Applejack literally rubbed her opponent's face in the mud. "Wow..." Spike mused. "AJ can be ruthless when she wants to be." "I agree," Rarity seconded Spike's statement. "Ruining an expertly-styled coiffure like that is an absolute travesty!" If she noticed the bemused look her statement drew from Twilight, she didn't acknowledge it. Back down in the pit, Applejack had resorted to stuffing Johnny's face into the mud and holding it there. "Come on, varmint," she demanded, pulling Johnny's face back out of the mud, "say uncle!" "Never!" Johnny resisted, causing Applejack to stuff his head back into the wet sand and hold it there even longer. "How about now?" she inquired. "Hah!" Johnny forced a laugh. "I faced scarier villains in my last movie! You'll never make me crack!" "Give up now, or I'll get Rarity's fabric scissors and give you a mohawk!" Applejack threatened. This got Johnny's attention. "You wouldn't!" he shot back. "Hey, Rarity!" Applejack called up to her friend. "Would you mind gettin' your makeup bag from the hut? I need to borrow your..." "AAAHHH!" Johnny screamed, breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought of having his hair messed with. "Okay, okay! I give! You win!" "Fine then," Applejack declared matter-of-factually. "I'm glad we could come to a suitable agreement." "That's it!" the referee declared. "This match is over! Applejack wins!" Liu Kang could only sigh as Rainbow Dash swooped down and hauled Applejack out of the pit. "Johnny fought valiantly," he muttered, "but he is more like that fashionista pony than he would ever care to admit." Now wearing a smile that stretched from ear to ear, Shang Tsung leaped into the pit and approached the fallen Johnny Cage. "Don't feel so bad, Johnny," he taunted. "When you join the rest of my souls, perhaps those three fillies we captured could give you a haircut instead. I hear they're hoping to see if hairdressing is their special talent." "NOOOOOOO!" Johnny screamed, as Shang Tsung removed as soul. Meanwhile, the media converged on the victorious earth pony. "Congratulations, Miss Jack!" one reporter offered. "How does it feel to win back-to-back bouts against seasoned combat veterans?" "Are you worried that your victory against one of Earth's greatest champions might tip the scales in favor of Shao Kahn?" another reporter questioned. "Given your talent for mud-slinging," a third reporter added, "have you considered running for public office?" Hauling himself back out of the pit, Shang Tsung caught Liu Kang's eye and flashed an evil grin. "Don't worry," he mockingly consoled the warrior. "You'll get your chance to fight these ponies soon enough. Shao Kahn shall make sure of that." "I am well aware of Shao Kahn's tricks," Liu Kang snapped in response. "But hear me now, sorcerer: I am not afraid of anyone on this island - not the ponies, not Kahn, and certainly not you. I am the champion of this tournament until proven otherwise...and I do not intend to lose." "We shall see," Shang Tsung remarked, turning to leave. "After all, Liu Kang...we all know what they say about good intentions."