//------------------------------//
// An Unexpected Acquaintance 
// Story: The Legend of LaserPon3: Race to the Butt of Perfection 
// by Bonk6 
//------------------------------//

The Legend of LaserPon3: Race to the Butt of Perfection


Prologue:

My story is a long and perilous one. I would have perished, if it weren't for her. But I still live to tell this tale, with my treasure with me at all times. I feel you need to know this, my daughter, but I fear he still searches for us, to finally get his revenge. Here is my story, written to you by your father, LaserPon3:

Chapter One: An Unexpected Acquaintance 

It was time to tidy up the house. Last night was a blast, but parties never last forever. After spending much of my time putting away my laser equipment, I moved on to the mess of overturned pizzas and knocked over soda cans on my floor. "Another day, another party. Just how I like-"

"Hellooooo?" Someone called out, knocking loudly on my door with a hoof. 

With a slight smile I called back, heading to open the door. "If you passed out in my yard after last night, I'm sorry to say that the party's over, dude!" I turned the knob and blinked at the strange pony before me.

"Passed out? Crazy talk! I've walked here from my laboratory!" The blue pony explained. He had a spiked light blue mane with red tips, wore a lab coat and bore a cutie mark of a tombstone. 

I blinked again, then replied, "Riiiiiiight. Well! How can I help you?"

"May I buy you a drink over at the pub, Laser?" The pony spared no time getting to the point.

"Wait, hold on a second here!" I waved a hoof as I spoke, surprised at the offer. "I don't even know your name and you're taking me out for a drink? Albeit, I don't normally drink anyways!"

The strange pony chuckled heartily. "I am Professor Lee Tombstone! And if you don't normally drink, then what harm could one drink with a new acquaintance do, hmm? Now, no more dilly dallying!" He then turned on a hoof and headed into town, moving towards the PegaPub. Hesitantly, I followed along, under my breath questioning my life.


Two and a half drinks later and we were chuckling at each other's every word. "And then I said, I'll put it on my Tombstone!" "And it turned out that's not how you perform laser eye surgery!" "And I said heeeeyeeeeyeeeeeyeyey!"

After a long while of giggling like school fillies, Tomb finally popped the question. "So, you want to know why I've brought you here?" Still feeling bubbly from the drinks, I simply nodded with a wacky grin on my face.

"Well," Tomb began, "There is a prince in the Water Palace, very far from where we are now, whom is told to have the most glorious rump in the world. The butt of perfection, even. He is fully aware of this and is holding a contest for whoever can entertain him getting the privilege of feeling that rear. I would love more than anything to be able to, and with your laser show and my map to the palace I see no way we can lose!"

I gigglesnorted and extended a wobbly hoof. "I'll help you feel the butt, Professor!"

Tomb excitedly shook my drunk hoof and laughed again. "Then the first thing you should know about me is that I'm not actually a Professor! I just wanted to seem more formal than a crazy pony such as myself might seem!"

The blue waitress mare with pointy dark blue and black streaks in her mane brought over another round of drinks, and we toasted to the start of our journey.


Sitting on the stool right behind Tomb was an orange stallion with greasy black hair, listening in on their conversation. He started muttering to himself, "Not if I get there first.." He then got up, paid the waitress for his glass of water and left. 

The stallion moved swiftly, heading up the hill and then standing in front of my home. "Ahem!" He cleared his throat, then knocked urgently on my door. He stood there, waiting, until he finally decided no one was home. Sneaking around the back and kicking in a window, he broke in. Once he found what he was looking for, he placed a tracking device inside a compartment of my laser gear, and left as quickly as he came. 


And so my journey began, as all journey's do. Even the band Journey began once. Unless they used the Phoenix Gate, like I did... Wait, did I tell you about that yet? Maybe I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Maybe I should also stop talking to myself when I'm supposed to be talking to you, my daughter. ...Where was I? Oh yes! My journey began, we packed my laser equipment (not noticing the broken glass in the back room, or the tracker) and got on the train best suited for the path indicated on Tomb's map. Little did I know that I had just made both an ally and an enemy. But hey, that's why I typically don't drink. Follow this first step, so the time stream doesn't collapse and so I don't look stupid for writing false events. I'm counting on you, even though the events to follow I will later find to be undesirable, with you taking to him and all. I've said the first instruction already, so I should probably end it here. It just pains me that I can't tell you this myself. Stay strong, my girl. You will see me again very soon, as long as you follow this guide. I know you can do it.
     -LP3