//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1 
// Story: The Cakes Are Out 
// by TheTobacconist 
//------------------------------//

        "Now, Pinkie." Mrs. Cake walked the floor of Sugar Cube Corner. "Are you certain we don't need to hire some temporary help?"
"I'll be fine," Pinkie laughed, "Besides, if you hired anybody new then I would have to train them, and it's hard to be someone's friend when you have to teach them the ropes. Seriously, that bowline can be real tricky."
"Honeybun, don't worry," Mr. Cake loaded Pound and Pumpkin into the double papoose. "Pinkie has handled the store without us before."
"Exactly," Pinkie Pie agreed, "Besides, isn't your taxi running off without you?"
Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked out the door. A checkered carriage and its driver were indeed running down the road. They grabbed their baggage and galloped after him. Pinkie Pie waved them off.
"Send a postcard," She yelled, "And a snow-globe! And maybe some salt water taffy. And pictures. And, oh, they can't hear me."
Pinkie pie pulled out a megaphone. "Don't forget to write!"
She put the megaphone away, and trotted back into the store. A clock informed her that she still had two hours until opening time. She walked into the kitchen, and pulled out a muffin tray. She greased it, and set it on the counter. She pulled out a mixing bowl, and began setting out her ingredients.
"Hi, Pinkie!" Discord popped out of a bag of flour, spreading white dust across the floor.
"Discord," Pinkie Pie said sternly, "What time is it?"
"It's five o'clock somewhere," Discord answered.
"I'm certain it is," Pinkie Pie admitted, "But here, it's still two hours until I open the store. That means that you can't be in the shop. And even if you could be in the shop, you shouldn't be in the kitchen."
"But I'm bored," Discord whined, "Entertain me."
"No, Discord," Pinkie Pie refused, "The Cakes are off for awhile, and I have to run the shop. Maybe we can make it up by doing something super-duper fun when I close the shop. So, just let Auntie Pinkie Pie work, and maybe I'll have time to play later."
"But I wan-" Discord's train of thought was broken upon eyeing the muffin tin. "Are you baking?"
"Of course," Pinkie Pie answered, "I have to bake a lot of different things today, and then I get to see ponies smile. Being a pastry chef is the best job ever, because no one ever frowns at you when they have treats to eat. Now I need you to lea-"
Discord got an idea. An awful idea. Discord got a wonderful, awful idea.
"Are we doing scary faces?" Pinkie smiled at him. "It is a really terrifying smile. But that's something that'll have to wait until after I close up the shop. We can't risk scaring off the customers. Also, I really need you to leave. If you want to stop by later that's fine, but Auntie Pinkie Pie really needs to get to work."
Discord kept the terrifying grin on his face, kept his focus on the muffin tin, and raised his claw with the thumb and middle finger pressed together.
"Stop that!" Pinkie yelled, and dowsed him with a spray bottle, "Bad. Bad!"
"Spoilsport." Discord vanished.
Pinkie Pie sighed, and rolled out her checklist. She set a recipe box beside it.
"This should be easy," She commented.

Rainbow Dash was napping on a cloud above Ponyville. A sugary scent passed underneath her nostrils, and her eyelids flickered. She flew down to Sugar Cube Corner, eyes half shut. She opened the door, and stepped in. Pinkie Pie was stationed by the register, waiting patiently.
"Hey Pinkie Pie." Rainbow Dash moved her eyes across the display case. "What smells good?"
"Lots of different things, actually," Pinkie Pie giggled, "Flowers, shampoo, scented candles, and freshly laundered clothes. But in this case, I think you're asking about food. Because who would come into a bakery and ask for candles? I recommend the blueberry scones."
Pinkie Pie gestured to the fresh pastries.
"And these are what smell so good?" Rainbow Dash asked, "I guess I'll take one."
"One of many things." Pinkie Pie placed one on wax paper and into a box. "That'll be two bits please."
Rainbow Dash looked at her sides, wondering for a moment where she had last left her saddle bags.
"Pinkie, I'm a little broke right now." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Can we call this one a freebie?"
Pinkie Pie's eyes went blank, and her body became stiff. Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in front of Pinkie's face. Pinkie did not respond. Inside her brain, amongst the electrical synapses and grey matter, court was being held.
"Order!" Judge Pinkie screamed against the thundering rabble, her powdered wig bouncing atop her head, "I will have order in this court."
"What do we do!" Panicky Pie yelled, "What do we do!"
"First, we have order!" Judge Pinkie explained loudly, "Then we discuss the issue."
"Random Pie requests the floor." A tie-die Pinkie Pie raised a hoof.
"Granted," Judge Pinkie allowed.
Random Pie rolled up the puce carpet and exited the courtroom. She thought it would look great in her apartment in the hypothalamus. The myriad Pinkies resumed screaming at each other. Judge Pinkie sighed, and picked up a key. Bailiff Pinkie nodded at her, taking off a similar key from around her neck. They walked to a wall safe, and turned both keys at the same time.
Inside the wall safe, sat a wide brimmed felt hat. Judge Pinkie placed her eye to the retina scanner, and the security lasers deactivated. She took the black hat out, walked back to her seat, and sat the hat on her head.
The courtroom was silent. The Pinkie Pies instantly returned to their seats, sitting down immediately. Judge Pinkie nodded, the Serious Hat was always respected.
"This issue is dreadfully complicated," Judge Pinkie spoke, "Clerk Pie, will you please summarize the minutes from zero six-hundred this morning."
"The Cakes left on vacation." A Pinkie dressed in a business suit and her hair in a bun glossed over some papers, "Leaving us in charge of  the store know as Sugar Cube Corner. Mrs. Cake also left extensive instructions detailing the cares that must be taken for this operation to allow for the continued success of her business."
"Did those instruction detail a procedure for handling 'freebies'?" Judge Pinkie asked.
Clerk Pie riffled through the papers. "No, your honor."
"Then no precedence has been set," Judge Pinkie ruled, "We will have to outsource to Logic Pie on this."
A Pinkie Pie with horn rimmed glasses stood.
"Logic Pie," Judge Pinkie addressed her, "You have the floor."
"Thank you, your honor." Logic adjusted her glasses and pulled out a sheet of paper. It was actually her grocery list, but things appeared more official when she held a paper while talking. "In the event that we do give the pony know as Rainbow Dash a 'freebie' she will thank us, and then leave."
"That seems logical," Judge Pinkie agreed with her, the paper she was reading off of must be full of logical conclusions.
"Then Mrs. Cake will fire us," Logic concluded, "We will be homeless and unemployed."
"Market Pie," Judge Pinkie addressed a Pinkie with a green visor, "How many cupcakes can we afford if we become unemployed?"
"Factor the one, carry the pi, current savings and liquid assets, with averaged security deposits on new apartments, alligator food," Market Pie muttered, crunched the numbers on her printing calculator, and examined the roll of paper, "Zero. Homeless, unemployed ponies can afford zero cupcakes."
The myriad Pinkies began shouting frantically. Judge Pinkie raised a hoof and gestured to the Serious Hat. They hushed and took their seats again. Everyone respected the Serious Hat.
"We have the data," Judge Pinkie exclaimed, "It is time to put it to a vote."

"No, no, a thousand times no!" Pinkie Pie yelled at Rainbow Dash, "And one undecided, but she was absent."
"Ah, what," Rainbow Dash looked at Pinkie.
"If I give you a scone, then I get fired," Pinkie Pie explained, "And if I get fired, I lose my room. If I lose my room, I have to look for a new one. If I find a new room then I have to put up a security deposit. If I have to put up a security deposit then I have to dip into my savings. If I dip into my savings then I have no money in the bank. And if I have no money then I can't afford cupcakes!"
Pinkie Pie breathed deeply, her chest rising and falling rapidly.
"Calm down." Rainbow Dash put a wing on Pinkie. "It's not that big of a deal."
"Not that big of a-" Pinkie Pie raged, "Out, out of my store. Out! Right now!"
Rainbow Dash retreated quickly. Pinkie Pie rubbed her head, her eyes squinted against the assault of a migraine. Another customer walked in, and Pinkie Pie rapidly put on a smile.

Pinkie Pie looked up at the clock. It was five minutes until closing time. She rested her head on the counter, counting down the seconds.
"Hello again," Discord popped back in, "It's later. You up for scary faces still."
"No," Pinkie Pie admitted, "I really want to, but it's been a really bad day."
"Really?" Discord snapped his fingers, and summoned a fainting couch, a quill, and a notepad, "Tell Doctor Fraudian all about it."
"No, thank you," Pinkie Pie got off the couch, "I have four more minutes until closing time."
"What are you doing after that?" Discord asked.
"Cleaning, lots and lots of cleaning," Pinkie Pie answered, "Then bed, lots and lots of bed."
"Oh." Discord frowned. "I thought we could have a party."
Pinkie Pie laid her head on the counter, and began snoring. Discord looked at her. He pushed the minute hand of the clock until it rested at the twelve position. Anyone with keen eyes might have noticed the slightly increased rate of the setting sun's descent. He flipped the 'open' sign, snapped his fingers, and disappeared.

Pinkie Pie rolled out her checklist haphazardly, and slammed the recipe box on the counter. She smiled halfheartedly.
"Nine more days," She muttered, "Only nine, I can make it that long."
"Hiya, Pinkie," Applejack stepped into the kitchen, "I brought you your order."
"The apples, right," Pinkie Pie sighed, "I'll help you bring them in."
Pinkie Pie followed Applejack to the backdoor. A large cart, fully loaded with apples, sat on the curb.
"Applejack?" Pinkie Pie looked the cart over. "That is way more than our usual order."
"I know," Applejack said proudly, "I just thought that since you were in charge of things for a while, well, maybe you might like to buy more than usual."
Pinkie Pie froze. Court was now in session.
"Order!" Judge Pie yelled, "Don't make me get out the Serious Hat again."
"You wouldn't!" Panicky Pie screamed.
Bailiff Pie stepped forward, rattling the key around her neck. Panicky silenced herself.
"Clerk Pie," Judge Pie pointed at her with the gavel. "What did Mrs. Cake instruct us to do in this situation?"
"Well, the instructions are very clear in this," Clerk Pie tapped her notes. "Except in emergency food shortages, we are not to order more ingredients than the standard amount."
"Well, that was easy." Judge Pie sat down her gavel. "Someone call up the Hippocampus, figure out what we have in the hold for lunch today."
"Muffins!" Pinkie Pie screamed at Applejack, "With a side of applesauce."
"Yeah, you can make all sorts of things with apples," Applejack agreed.
"Sorry," Pinkie Pie apologized, "Different conversation. I can't buy any more than the standard order. Mrs. Cake was very specific with that instruction."
"C'mon Pinkie." Applejack picked up a particularly appetizing apple. "They're real good this year."
"Of course they are," Pinkie Pie stated, "Your apples are real good every year. I can't think of a year where they've been bad. But I still can't buy any more than the standard order."
"Alright," Applejack sighed, "I'll just try to sell the rest at the market."

"Pinkie!" Discord popped in at closing time. "Who's up for a little chaos?"
"Not me," Pinkie admitted, "Not even a teeny tiny bit of chaos."
"No?" Discord asked, "Pinkie, are you alright?"
"No," Pinkie Pie pouted, "I just want to go to bed."

Pinkie Pie laid her checklist down on the counter. She placed the recipe box beside it. Her ears perked up at the front door's bells ringing.
"Hey, Pinkie," Twilight walked into the kitchen.
"Does no one understand that sign?" Pinkie screamed, "It clearly says 'employees only', but no. No! Everypony has to ignore it. Every single last pony thinks they can just waltz in here, and act like I don't have a real job. But I do! I have a real job with real responsibilities, and I don't have time for everypony to just shuffle into my kitchen like they own the place."
"I thought you might be having some difficulties," Twilight chuckled, and pulled out a roll of parchment, "That's why I made you a schedule."
Pinkie Pie froze, court was in session.
"Clerk Pie, pull up the dossier on Twilight Sparkle," Judge Pinkie ordered, "Logic Pie, standby for further instructions."
Clerk Pie opened a filing cabinet, and pulled out a large tome.
"Baking skill?" Judge Pinkie asked.
"None," Clerk Pie answered.
"Baking experience?"
"None."
"Baking hobbies?"
"None."
"Baking supplies?"
"None."
"Baking knowledge?"
"None."
"Business management?"
"No."
"Well," Judge Pie muttered, and rolled her gavel in her hooves, "Logic Pie! We do not have much data to work with, but, please, give us your opinion on the matter."
Logic Pie cleared her throat, and raised a presumably important sheet of paper to her face.
"The entity known as Twilight Sparkle has no baking experience whatsoever," Logic Pie lectured, "Any advice she has on the matter should be immediately shot down, on principle, if nothing else. However, she is still a friend of ours. We must let her down easily."
Judge Pinkie rattled her key, disappointed that she could not at least threaten the court with the Serious Hat.

"Twilight." Pinkie Pie put a hoof around her shoulder. "How long do you think I've been doing this job?"
"Well, I know you've been doing it since before I got to Ponyville," Twilight deduced.
"The answer is a really long time," Pinkie Pie explained, "So, could you see why, maybe, just maybe, somepony who's been baking since she was an itty-bitty-twinkie-Pinkie might me just a little bit offended by this?"
"Well," Twilight muttered, "I suppose-"
"Nice chatting with you Twilight." Pinkie Pie raised up her own checklist, and put on a false smile. "But I have to work."

"Hello," Discord popped in at closing time, "Are you up for a party this time?"
"No," Pinkie sobbed, "Every time I turn around, my friends are either trying to take advantage of my job, or trying to tell me how to do my job. I know I don't act seriously all the time, but I can put on the hat. I can put on the hat!"
"Ok. I follow." Discorded nodded, and then shook his head. "Wait, I don't. What's going on?"
"Applejack, Twilight, and Dashie!" Pinkie Pie began, "They-"
"Say no more." Discord raised his paw. "I'll handle it."
He snapped his fingers, and disappeared.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake laid back on their beach chairs, watching the flickering crimson hues of the sunset reflect off the surf. Mr. Cake sipped on a fruity drink. The foals played in the sand beside him, kicking up the sand into rough shapes.
"Why didn't we do this before now?" Mr. Cake asked his wife.
"A lot of reasons," Mrs. Cake guessed.
"I mean, we could have done this a long time ago." He smiled.
"Just appreciate that we're doing it now." She smiled back at him.
"Actually." Discord leaned over them. "Do you think you could put this on hold for a moment?"
"Oh," Mrs. Cake's eyes opened, "I suppose-"
"Wonderful! We'll have this problem wrapped up quickly then." Discord lifted them both up in his arms, a pilots hat on his head. "Please ignore the turbulence."
"We can't leave the kids!" Mrs. Cake yelled.
Discord leaned down to look at the foals. Pound tugged at his beard, and Discord smiled. He coiled his tail around their midsections and lifted them up. Pumpkin began chewing on his tail. Discord snapped his toes, and they disappeared.

Pinkie Pie scrubbed the floors of Sugar Cube Corner. It was part of her checklist, and she had every intention of completing it every day. She pushed the scrub-brush back and forth until she could see her reflection in the floor. She took a moment to look at the bags underneath her eyes. The front door's bell jingled.
"We're closed," Pinkie yelled over her shoulder.
"Yeah, we know," Rainbow Dash and the others stepped in. "We just thought now would be a good time to talk."
"It's not really," Pinkie Pie stopped scrubbing. "But this can wait."
"Well, we just wanted to say that we're sorry for the way we acted," Twilight admitted, "I was wrong to think that you didn't know how to do your job."
"And I," Applejack choked, "I shouldn't have tried to pressure you into buying more apples."
Rainbow Dash was silent. Applejack nudged her in the ribs. Rainbow Dash sighed.
"I shouldn't have tried to get you to give me a freebie," She admitted, "I put you in an awkward situation, and it was wrong of me."
Pinkie Pie grabbed her friends, and pulled them into a tight embrace.


Dear Princess Celestia,
Today we learned that it's not always appropriate to bother your friends at their place of work. You shouldn't expect any handouts just because they're surrounded by food, and you shouldn't try to take advantage of a friend's position just to further your own goals. You see, a friend of ours was left with a very important task, and we didn't respect that. Had it not been for a mutual friend of ours we might have damaged our friendship.
Your loyal subjects,
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle