//------------------------------// // Part 4 Dan Vs. Roommate: Chapter 21 Dan Vs. Cake // Story: The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga Part 4 Dan Vs. Roommate Chapter 21 Dan Vs. Cake   -oooooo- “Tasses gwreat!” Chris asserted. Dan looked down at the dark, dark batter. “Are you sure?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. Chris took another spoonful. “Yweah, its awwesome!”  Dan glared down at the batter. “Chris, you’ve eaten things that weren’t strictly food.” “There’s A LOT of things you can eat that aren’t food!” Chris proclaimed. “ERAHG! You’re a horrible assistant! I have no idea if the batter is actually good or not, because you’ll eat anything even if it so much reminds you of food!” Dan shouted in frustrated anger. Chris thought about this. “Yeah, you pretty much got my number there, all right.” “And I can’t eat it, because it’ll poison me.” “Well...” Chris began,”… I mean you’d live through eating cake batter. You may not live through being stabbed 37 times.” “If it’s not right, I’m going to spend the evening getting intimate with the toilet while you basically just screw everything up again!” Dan cried. “Heeeey! We still don’t know if I screwed it up the first time!” Chris complained. Dan sighed. “Pack up the batter, frosting, and all the ingredients Chris. I need help from someone I’d hope I’d never be in their debt…" With a concerned look on his face, Chris wordlessly began collecting the ingredients.   -ooooo- Chris looked out the passenger side window. “Ninja Dave!?” Chris asked with surprise in his voice. “He’s the one you don’t want to owe a favor to? Dan! We’re here at least once a week! Sometimes he still gives us free cookies just because he’s so happy we were partially responsible for him getting into the cookie business!” Dan exited the car and looked at Ninja Dave’s cookie shop. A yellow and red building topped with a bitten cookie with a Ninjatō stabbed through it, all illuminated by street lights. Dan furrowed his brow as determination set on his face. “I have sins I must face…” “What sins?..DAN! Did you do something to Ninja Dave?!” Chris demanded. “Oh…I don’t know…only tried to kill him!” Dan said, throwing his hand out into an open, upright palm. “But…he got over that…and opened the shop. Remember?” “No, not then…later…I marched right in and tried to take his life!” Dan said, a dead serious look on his face. “What?! When was this? Was this with Pinkie?” Chris asked in confusion. “No! We hadn’t even met her yet! Geez, Chris! Don’t you remember anything?!” Dan asked angrily. Chris ransacked his memory, trying to think of times Dan might have ran afoul of Dave. “…Wait…are you talking about the time he gave you a cold and you tried to beat him with a stick?!” Chris asked, his surprise levels rising. “Of course! You don’t just forgive a man for something like that!” Dan asserted, index finger pointed to the sky. “Uh-huh,” Chris said with a touch of sarcasm, lowering his eyelids a bit. “Except Dave did forgive you. He even gave you free cookies for making you sick! After you feebly hit him in the head with a stick, too.” “Feebly?!” Dan said, insulted. “WHY! The heavens shook! The earth HEAVED as I stuck a deadly blow against my foe's crown.” Dan announced dramatically. “You could barely lift the stick up over your own head! Then he blocked your next” –Chris air quoted—“’deadly blow’ with a rolling pin and you two collapsed to the floor, too sick to continue!” “Okay first! Shut up!” Dan leveled an index finger at Chris, “Second…uh… Shut up!” Dan refocused to the building and stood up straight. “It’s time to face my destiny.” He asserted as he walked to the door. Chris rolled his eyes, “Need backup?” He asked flatly. “No! I must do this…alone.” Dan said, his voice becoming little more than a whisper. He walked to the door and turned back to Chris. “Grab the stuff, and…if I don’t make it, tell Pinkie…” Dan trailed off. Chris looked concerned for a moment. “Yes, Dan?” Dan pushed through his hesitation. “If I don’t make it…tell Pinkie…tell her that…that I’m going to HAUNT her FOREVER!” Chris folded his arms. “Somehow, I doubt she’d mind…” Dan took a deep breath and walked into the cookie shop. Dave was behind the counter, red t-shirt covered by his apron. With oven mitts on, he opened up an oven and took out a cookie sheet. The shop was immediately filled with the smell of cinnamon and ginger from the gingerbread cookies that Dave had shaped into various martial arts poses. Dave looked up from his cookie sheet. “Hey, Dan! The usual?” He asked in a friendly tone. Dan ran around the counter and immediately dropped to his hands and knees. “Forgive me cookie-father! I have wronged you! And now I have no choice but to beg! Beg like a common house cockroach for your forgiveness!  I know I come not in friendship, and that…if you help me…Someday, and that day may never come, you’ll call upon me to…” “Dude? What are you talking about?” Dave asked with a confused brow, sitting his cookies down to cool. “We’re totally friends.” Dan stood up. “We…we are?” he asked in confusion. “I wouldn’t have even got this place if it weren’t for you guys! In fact…” Dave spun around, took off his oven mitts and grabbed a cookie out of the display case. “Here! Have a lactose-free chocolate chip cookie, on the house.” “Uh…” Dan took the cookie, and took a bite “mmmm”ing to himself. “SO! You need my help?” Dave’s face went serious, “Do you need me to kill someone?” “Nwo" Dan answered through a mouthful of cookie, “I—” Dan swallowed the food in his mouth “—I need help baking.” “Rats!.. I mean good, good…” Chris walked in with a grunt, carrying a couple mixing bowls, on top of a large, brown box. Dave smiled and waved. “Hey Chris! You can set that stuff down back here.” Chris made a few more determined grunts as he trudged over and carefully laid down box, batter, and frosting. Dave grabbed a high-kicking gingerbread man from the display case. “Here, Chris. Have a ninjabread man.” Chris gleefully accepted the cookie and devoured it in a couple of quick bites. “So…” Dave looked down at the mixing bowls. “What are you two trying to make?” “I have to make a chocolate cake or my roommate is going to stab me 37 times with a chef’s knife,” Dan explained. “Ouch, Dude…Wait, roommate?” “Yeah, she’s been here. Girl, pink hair, couldn’t stop moving…or talking if her life depended on it?” “Oh! That hot girl that’s always hanging off of you? I thought she was your girlfriend.” “WHAT?! No, don’t be absurd! And…” Dan thought for a second. “Excuse YOU, but Pinkie is not ‘hot’.” Dan insisted with air quotes. “She has an obnoxiously adorable personality that’s attached to a full-figured, attractive body with a cute face.” Dan insisted. Dave and Chris exchanged glances and broke out into roaring laughter. “Hahaha…DUDE! You must have it BAD for her!” Dave insisted. “What?! No, wait…I mean she wears stupid, pink clothes, and she smells nic--GIRLY!” Dave wiped a tear away from his eye. “Hehe…sure Dan, whatever you say…” He eyed the cake batter suspiciously, grabbed a baking paddle, dipped it in the mixture, and then brought it up to his mouth to give it a taste. This was quickly followed by a “Blech!” and Dave turning to try to spit the taste out of his mouth. “How much chocolate is in this thing?!” Dan paused, then glared up at Chris. “Chris…did you follow the recipe, exactly!?” he said accusatorily. Chris nervously looked to the side and said, “Well…I may have added just a bit more chocolate…” Dan narrowed his eyes. “And when you say ‘little’ you mean…” “…three times what the book says…” “Chris, you can’t just play fast and loose with baking!”  Dave insisted. “It’s an exact science!” “I thought more chocolate meant more flavor!” Chris insisted. Dave sighed and fished out some of the unsweetened baking chocolate from the box. He broke off a couple of small pieces and handed one to Chris, the other to Dan. Chris chomped down on his bite. “Tastes great!” he insisted. Dan eyed him suspiciously, and nibbled on his own. “BLECH!” Dan also tried to spit the taste out of his mouth. “What is this stuff MADE out of, extract of bitterness?!” “Yeah, chocolate is like that without sugar.” Dave informed. Chris raised his index finger. “Okay! Well, we’ll just add more sugar…” “No, dude, you’re not listening!” Dave insisted. “You can’t just go adding and subtracting ingredients! You’ll throw off the whole texture of the cake!” “What are you trying to do here?!” Dan demanded. “Do you want me to get stabbed?!” “Hey! What am I, my wife?” Chris asked. His eyes went wide for a second, “Oh…I made myself sad…” “Look guys…it appears you have everything we need. So, tell you what. I’ll help make the cake, but I need you guys to help me run the shop. Deal?” Ninja Dave proposed. “Deal!” Dan said as he extended a hand. “Put it there, friend.” Dave smiled and reached out to the shorter man’s hand and gave it a firm shake. “Alright,” Dave began, “we’re going to have to start from scratch…wait…Chris, did you put extra chocolate in the frosting, too?” “Uhhh…” Dave sighed. “That’s a ‘yes’.” Dan gave Chris’s arm a solid punch. “Ow!” Chris exclaimed. Dave bent down and fished a recipe book out of a cupboard. He flipped through it until he found the recipe he was looking for, then handed the book to Dan. "You're going to start making these." Dan looked over the recipe for lactose-free chocolate chip cookies. “But…I’ve never baked by myself before!” Dan whined out. “Well, today you’re going to start! Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t screw up. Just follow the recipe exactly.” Dan sighed and set the open book out in front of him. “Who knows...?” Dave continued. “Maybe you can make a few for your girlfriend next time.” “SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” Dan roared. Dave shook his head with a chuckle. “Maybe she will be when you present her with a plate full of cookies you made yourself.” Dan grumbled several obscenities under his breath and started checking cupboards for measuring cups. “What do I get to make?!” Chris asked excitedly. Dave turned to face him. “You are going to help me make this cake and sell some cookies. I’m not sure I can trust you not to eat everything before we’ve even made it.” Chris sighed and hung his head. “Yeah, that’s probably a safe bet…” -ooooo- “WHY DID YOU LET ME TALK YOU INTO SEEING THAT MOVIE?!” Pinkie screeched as Elise supported her trembling friend by letting Pinkie rest an arm around her shoulders. “You SAID bloodshed!” Elise insisted. “Yeah but…” Pinkie trailed off. “Okay, I have no idea what was going through my head at the time, but that was disturbingly horrifyingly-terrifyingly horrible! I’m going to have nightmares for weeks!” Elise chuckled, Pinkie had been quiet for the first half of the movie, deadly quiet. However, as the carnage and body count of promiscuous teens increased, Pinkie’s killer façade began to melt into the hyperactive, frightened woman Elise was used to seeing at a bloody horror film. Towards the end of the film, Elise and the theatre were treated to a symphony of whimpers, shrieks, screams, and “NO! DON’T GO IN THERE!”s. Still wide-eyed and dazed, Pinkie asked, “Do you think if I ask really, really, really nicely, Dan will let me sleep in the bed with him for a few days…weeks?” Elise paused, wondering if Pinkie meant what Elise thought she meant, but remembered that the two had seemingly shared a furniture, pillow, and blanket fort for weeks with probably little more than some one-sided snuggling. “I suppose that depends on if he can survive being stabbed 37 times or not.” Pinkie stopped walking, removed her arm from around Elise, and used her now free palm to cover her face. “Ulg…I can’t believe I even said that to him…” “Well, he did push things pretty far this time,” Elise reminded. “I know, but…”--Pinkie sighed--“I can’t stab Dan. He’s like my bestest friend in the whole wide world!” she insisted, throwing her arms and palms to the side. “I’m sure he’ll be fine if you just tell him you forgive him.” “No!” Pinkie insisted. “I have to make it up to him…” Pinkie’s shoulders slumped and she began to pout. “What’s wrong?” Elise asked, turning to face Pinkie and lowering her head slightly to meet Pinkie’s blue eyes with her violet ones. Pinkie sighed. “All the shops are closed now…or wrecked…or still smoldering.” Elise grinned mischievously. “Oh…I think I can help you there…” -ooo- Elise held a black clad arm out, causing Pinkie to pause behind her. The parking lot was lit only by moonlight, starlight, and the occasional light from an emergency vehicle or flashlight from a SWAT team member. The air was still heavy with smoke and gas, cutting visibility further. This made getting close to the broken and smoking mall relatively easy, though SWAT personnel still patrolled the grounds, making the mall look like some sort of burnt-out police state. Pinkie fidgeted nervously. At least Elise had a spare black jumpsuit she could wear, though it fit quite a bit tighter on her body than was comfortable. Pinkie note: purchase my own sneaking around spy gear…Ooh! With night vision goggles… I can’t believe I didn’t think about it before! It seems like I’m sneaking around every other day here… Elise was wearing much more loosely-fitting black robes, with the leggings and sleeves secured with black leather wraps. A long red scarf sat around her neck and under her gas mask. Elise silently motioned to a couple of SWAT members who were standing watch. Pinkie nodded and held her position. Elise reached into her robes and produced a small, spherical object. She lobbed it into a nearby overturned mall security car. Soon smoke was billowing out from the broken windows. The two SWAT members rushed over to investigate, and Elise motioned Pinkie to follow as she quietly rushed towards the mall. Pinkie followed, the red scarf that flapped and fluttered behind Elise making her rather easy to track at the close range. Soon the two had arrived at a store which was relatively unscathed aside from the broken windows. Elise found a window suitably clear of broken glass, placed a hand on the frame, and nimbly swung her body up and over the window into the store, landing on her feet in a crouching position. Pinkie did the same, minus the agility portion or the landing on her feet portion. She hit the ground with a thud and a startled “Ah!” Elise quickly got Pinkie to her feet and hid her behind the wall, scanning outside to make sure no one noticed the sound. When it seemed all was clear, Elise pulled out a small flashlight and turned it on, illuminating a store full of games, dolls, stuffed animals, and neatly packaged action figures.   Elise glanced over to her friend. “Where to?” Pinkie smiled. “Action figures, please!” Elise scanned the aisles with her flashlight. “Alright, let’s go.” -ooooo- “Dan, I know this cake is your ‘salvation’…but if I don’t get a slice, I’m going to be the one who stabs you 37 times!” Chris said through a determined glare. Dan stood in front of the finished cake, arms and legs spread wide trying to block Chris’s path. Dan gritted his teeth. That food crazed idiot ate his body weight in cookies and he still wants more... I guess he did help make it… And he’ll certainly at least attack me to get a slice. An image of the two fighting until the cake landed on them flashed through Dan’s head. Followed by an image of Pinkie coming home to see the two covered in cake, messing up the pristine apartment. This was followed by the image of a Pinkie with a crazed look in her eye, an ambulance, and a coroner looking over his body while dictating “Cause of death appears to be 37 stab wounds.” into a voice recorder. Dan sighed, and got out a fork, plate and large knife, cutting a small slice and placing it on the plate. “That’s it?!” Chris said with equal parts surprise and disappointment. “Hey! If Pinkie is mad that we cut into the cake before she gets here, I’m pointing her in your direction,” Dan informed irritably. Chris’s expression and mood shifted immediately. “This will do!” he announced with a nervous smile as Dan handed him the plate. Dan turned back to the cake with a thoughtful expression. “Hey monkey face. Start cleaning up when you’re done eating.” -ooo- Pinkie waved at the blue sedan and said about her dozenth “Thanks again!” for the night. Elise waved from the car as Pinkie bounded up towards the apartment, arms full of bulging clothing bags. Once she got up the stairs, she saw a familiar, tall individual walking towards her. “Hey Chris!” She said, stepping to the side to allowing him to pass. “You two do alright?” She asked. “Hey Pinkie. You’ll just have to see for yourself.” Chris said with a smile. Pinkie made an excited “Eeee!” sound as she bounded to the apartment. She dropped a few bags, threw open the door, and entered with an excited “Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! WHaaaa…” as she slipped on the still moist floor, crashing to the ground. The hard impact caused the flour in the cupboard to teeter forward; it landed directly on the chocolate cake, exploding brown chocolate frosting, cake, and flour all over the kitchen area. Pinkie tried to scramble to her feet, reaching for the oven, grabbing two knobs and accidently turning on the gas on two burners as her hands felt for a hand hold to lift her up. As she raised her body up, she shifted her palms on the knobs to 'ignite' causing the fresh layer of flammable flour to flame up in front of her. Pinkie fell backwards into her bags of clothes and attempted to process the fiery blaze in front of her. In a matter of seconds, she heard the sound of a fire extinguisher going off, quenching the flames. Dan walked over to the stove and turned both knobs to the 'Off' position. Pinkie dove into one of the bags and held a rectangular object in front of her, screaming “Not in the face!” hoping the item would shield her from Dan’s oncoming wrath. She felt the item being gently pushed aside with an index finger and her fearful, sky-blue eyes looked into the surprisingly calm, emerald-green eyes of her roommate’s. “Is this a deluxe edition Population Control Johnny action figure complete with machine gun, chain-saw, and hack-saw?” Dan asked in an even tone. Fear still plastered on her face, Pinkie forced a smile and nodded with an affirmative “Ummm-hmmm!” “For me?” Dan asked hopefully. Pinkie nodded with more vigor and added, “Ummm-hmmm! Ummm-hmmm!” Dan smiled warmly and held out a hand, helping Pinkie to her feet. “How’d you get to the fire extinguisher so fast?” Pinkie asked. “Monkey face spilled a bucket of water while he was cleaning up. I figured you slipping and making a fiery mess somehow was less a possibility and more an inevitability,” Dan explained. Pinkie whimpered and her lower lip quivered as she examined the chocolate cake that was now sitting under several pounds of scorched flour. Dan walked over to the fridge and produced a plate, and held it out in front of his roommate’s face. Pinkie gasped at the fork, large slice of chocolate cake, and cookie sitting on top of the plate. She turned to Dan as tears welled up behind her eyes. “You…you…saved me a slice?” Dan smiled and shrugged. “Like I said, I knew you’d make a mess of things.” Pinkie’s mouth exploded into a toothy smile that made an audible 'squee' sound. She took the fork, dug into the cake, and took a large bite of cake and frosting into her mouth. Her pupils dilated as she announced “Perfect!” She leaned down and planted a peck on the cheek of her roommate. Dan recoiled slightly and rubbed a hand over his cheek, turning his hand to show Pinkie had also planted some, toxic in Dan’s eyes, cake and frosting on him. “Whoops! Let me get that for you…” Pinkie set her plate down, produced a small handkerchief from her pocket, spit into it, and began rubbing the chocolate off of Dan’s face. “Eww! EWW!” Dan protested. “What is it with you and sharing body fluids with me?!” Pinkie gave Dan a wry grin. “NO! Wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” Dan insisted as he waved his arms out in front of him. Pinkie smiled and looked at the cookie, taking it into her hand. She examined it carefully and her eyes went wide and she inhaled a large volume of air. “Dan, did you make this?!” she asked in a shocked tone. Dan smiled proudly. “Yep…well…Ninja Dave helped…a little.” Pinkie gave her roomie a knowing grin. “I take it he helped with the cake, too.” Dan sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “More like made the whole thing while Chris bumbled around and I made cookies…” Pinkie took several bites and quickly devoured the cookie with an excited “Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!” “Dan, this is sooooo good!” Pinkie cooed. Dan just smiled. Soon Pinkie had finished her cake slice as well. Her happy expression quickly fell as she examined the kitchen and realized it was a burnt, chocolaty mess, still covered with flour in many places. She gave an exasperated sigh and turned to her roommate. “Bail?” She asked, grabbing her pink bag. Dan nodded. “Bail.” he replied, snagging his car keys from the counter. The two made their way to the door, Pinkie looping an arm around her roommate’s as the two exited into the slowly cooling California night. Pinkie leaned in close and gave her roomie a good sniff. “You smell, nice.” She said with a smile. “You smell like…” Dan took a big sniff “…tear gas?” Pinkie laughed nervously. “I had a lot of clothes to replace…” “Yeah…sorry about that…” Dan said. “Though, now I’m more sorry I didn’t go to the mall with you…”            “It was only fun if you like riots.” Dan shrugged. “Who doesn’t enjoy a good riot?” “Err…Dan?..” Pinkie began tentatively. “Hmmmm?” Dan replied. “Erm…can I share the bed with you for a few days…weeks?” Pinkie asked hopefully, fluttering eyelids at her roommate. Dan sighed. “What is it this time…” “Elise and I kinda saw a scary movie…” Dan grumbled under his breath. Great... days if not weeks of sharing the bed with a fidgety, whimpering Pinkie Pie who's going to us me as some sort of comfort teddy bear. “Fine!” Dan said irritably. “But I get the side next to the wall. Falling out of the bed hurts.” Pinkie gave a short and victorious “Yay!” Then followed up with, “You’re the bestest, most awesomest guy ever, Dan!” Dan smiled smugly. “Yeah, I know…” Pinkie released Dan as he unlocked first passenger side, than driver side doors. “Where to?” Dan asked as the roommates synchronized getting into the car and buckling up. Pinkie put an index finger to her chin. “Hmmm…Not much is open this late…” Dan grinned evilly. “Lenny’s is always open…” he suggested. “Reeeaaaally?..” Pinkie purred in response with a sly grin. Dan’s grin widened. “Baby, You, me, a turkey sandwich, a late breakfast, and maybe a big plate of French toast… I keep wondering if we can shape the slices into boomerangs so they’ll arc back when thrown at an angle…” Pinkie gasped. “That’s brilliant! Dan, we HAVE to make that happen!” “Iknowright?!” Dan responded. The red hatchback sped off down the street, approaching what was most certainly going to be more food based mayhem.